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We go from Novosibirsk to Moscow to New Delhi to Jaipur, where the Racers get an eyeful of Indian-style poverty before the leg even begins. Then there's a scrum at a sacred tree, where a recording on a red phone sends them to Road Block to feed and water camels. Mel struggles with the physically demanding task, but since he's the first one in the bunch of teams to figure out how to use the baskets to carry the food, he makes up some time and finishes the task in second place. For the Detour, Tammy and Victor hold onto their early lead as they select the option to dance in the streets for tips, and easily win their second leg. Most of the other teams follow suit, except for the Stuntmen, who can never pass up a chance to show off their physical prowess. Which is fine when they're pedaling giant loads of hay across town, but not so much when they have to find a tiny elephant in there. The Flight Attendants are still in last place when they hit their Speed Bump, which requires them to paint up a live elephant. So those two teams end up in a race for last. But the Stuntmen beat Christie and Jodi to the mat by mere minutes, and the Flight Attendants are Philiminated.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Phil welcomes us back to Novosibirsk, which I am not surprised to learn is the largest city in Siberia. Phil addresses us from the now-empty stage of the Novosibirsk Ballet and Opera Theater -- which is also known as "The Siberian Coliseum" and happens to be the largest theater in Russia -- reminding us that this was the sixth Pit Stop. We flash back to last week's arrivals, when this beautiful and august place was granted even greater respect by having seven Americans run around inside it in their underwear.
Because Margie and Luke arrived first, at 12:18 p.m., they're leaving tonight at 12:18 a.m. "Fly to the Pink City in India," Margie reads from the clue, while Luke is struck mute with excitement and also from being deaf. In case you're like me and don't happen to know what India's "Pink City" is, other than that it is likely the ancestral home of Kelly Kapoor, Phil's here to help. With a nod to the fact that the Racers are leaving the "freezing Siberian climate," he narrates that they're off to Jaipur, the capital of Rajasthan. As for its nickname, he explains, "It was "dressed in pink for royal visitors in 1876 and today is known as the Pink City." Wow, Jaipur, resting on your laurels much? At least a big gate they show is still being kept in fresh pink paint, even if the rest of the city isn't. Phil goes on to say that this isn't their final destination: from the Jaipur airport, they'll need to race by taxi to a remote village, there to find a sacred tree called Peepli Ka Pedh, under which they'll find their clue. As Margie and Luke score a taxi, Luke solo-interviews, "I'm very happy with my mom as a teammate. It's good harmony. My mom is doing all the communicating and I'm doing all the strategizing." I wonder what Margie would say about that. Did I mention this is a solo interview? In the cab to the airport, they talk about how India is going to be a rather different experience for them. You know what would be different for me? A season of The Amazing Race in which they don't go to India.
Tammy and Victor are leaving in second place, at 12:24, and Victor seems pretty excited about going to the Pink City. I'm just saying. As they get in their cabs, Victor interviews about how he's always played the role that's expected of him as the eldest son in an Asian family. "The race is liberating, because this is an opportunity for me to be out there, to be extroverted, to do the unexpected." He's been out there, all right. Back in the cab, he reads the part of the clue that specifically instructs them to connect through Moscow. Normally I would assume that this means someone is going to screw up and make their transfer in Tokyo, but I keep forgetting that Kelly and Christie were on the show last season.
Jaime and Cara are leaving at 12:30, which means that despite having a head start, Cara lost her footrace with Tammy at the end of the last leg by six minutes. As they battle the cold and the icy streets to find a cab, Cara interviews, "This Race highlights the differences between Jaime and myself." Which is an odd thing to say considering that the only reason I know it's Cara speaking is because she refers to the other one as Jaime. Cara claims to be easygoing, in contrast to Jaime's "Aggressivity, if that's even a word." Not according to spell check, it isn't. Is this Cara's way of telling us to quit blaming her every time Jaime acts like an asshole to a cab driver or task guide? Okay, I'll work on it, if one of you will go blonde for me. I don't even care which one. "We're looking forward to ditching these marshmallow-man jackets," Jaime says in the cab. Hey, whoa, did you see that? I think I'm starting to be able to tell them apart after all! Weird. I should probably take a week off.
Margie and Luke arrive at the airport, with Tammy and Victor not far behind. Victor bumps his head on the cab's tailgate getting their luggage out. How liberating!
Mel and Mike leave at 1:01 a.m. in fourth place. Mel solo-interviews that he's just trying to survive the Race -- literally. He adds that Mike could be yelling at him, but always seems to realize that Mel is doing his best. In the taxi with Mike, Mel remarks, "Russia's beginning to look a lot better when I start thinking about India and the frillions of people." Just as he says "Frillions," the cab gives a lurch that causes Mike's eyes to bug out in alarmed surprise. Perhaps there's now one fewer person in Siberia.
Mark and Michael really were right behind them at the Pit Stop, because they're leaving at 1:02. In opposite directions. That's the Stuntmen for you in a nutshell. "Mark, where you going? There's cabs right here," Michael duhs at his brother. "Oh, sweet," Mark says happily. Got to love his total incapacity for embarrassment. As they cab up, he interviews that their competition includes "three teams of girls that are all almost six feet tall, and here we are, we can stand on each other's shoulders and not reach six feet." He's exaggerating, but his point is that he thinks they can keep up, even with their short legs. Guys, it's not your foot speed that concerns me. It's the brain speed. "Maybe we can get a dot on our forehead while we're there," Mark adds in the cab. See?
At three ticket counters at the airport, the three lead teams are realizing that their departure time from here is irrelevant, since they'll all end up on the same flight to Jaipur in any case. I can even tell you who says it: it's Cara, being the easygoing one. I'm definitely getting better at this.
Kisha and Jen are leaving the Pit Stop at 1:28. Kisha interviews that they're getting along better than they were before, and she's bothered about the fighting early on that marred this "once in a lifetime opportunity." Which it is, of course. I mean, there's always the possibility of another all-stars season, but these two probably shouldn't bank on it.
The Whites make a big entrance tot the airport terminal, Mel looking up at the sign over the counters and asking the other three teams, "Would you fly on an airline named Kacca?" General laughter, although I doubt the ticket agents join in. They may have heard that one before. Meanwhile, the Stuntmen and the sisters pay their cabbies outside the airport.
The Flight Attendants, Christie and Jodi, are way at the back of the pack at 3:09 a.m., plus they've got a Speed Bump to contend with at some time during this leg. As they ride to the airport in the cab, Jodi narrates that she's a single mother, and she's wearing her daughter's name on her bracelet. She says her daughter's an excellent good luck charm, and they could use some luck right now. So no pressure or anything, kiddo. By the way, how do you feel about going to college someday?
"All teams are now flying to Moscow," Phil says over footage of a plane lifting off. From there, the Amazing Red Line goes straight to New Delhi, where Phil says, "They've all booked travel on the 5:40 a.m. flight to Jaipur, India." Man, I sure don't miss the airport wrangling this season. In the old days, the Novosibirsk airport would have been the scene of about ten minutes of footage we didn't need to see. It just makes the whole episode go so much faster. If not the recapping.
Lots of local color b-roll introduces us to Jaipur. Suddenly the Racers are dashing across the tarmac in the early-morning twilight. The Whites and Team Family Law appear to be in the lead, and a car nearly liberates Victor from his corporeal form by backing over him as he and Tammy follow the cabbie they've engaged. Tammy reads from the clue that they're looking for a sacred tree called Peepli Ka Pedh, which according to Google doesn't exist outside of this episode, at least not with that spelling. Which is fine with me; I don't really need The Amazing Race to desecrate any more holy sites at this point. Tammy and Victor introduce us to their taxi driver, "Babu, who is going to take us to victory." And who will thus be tipped handsomely, let's hope.
Christie and Jodi get into their cab in second place, so they have no excuse for what happens later. They comment on all the car horns being blown at all times, and Christie remarks, "If I lived here, I would get the rockinest horn you've ever heard." The soundtrack helpfully chimes in with a blaring saxophone trill. Not rockin'.
Mel and Mike get in a cab, only to find out that their driver doesn't know where they're going. Meanwhile, the Stuntmen and Margie|Luke are scampering around in search of cabs of their own. Mark chases Luke and Margie away from one, saying, "This is our car," but then having to call Michael over to join him. Classy. I know the Race doesn't really have any rules about cab poaching, but letting half a team override a full one doesn't seem cool. However, Margie and Luke don't press the point. Way to bulldoze the deaf kid, Mark. Passing a small group of faithful kneeling for prayer on a traffic island, Team Go Team are also following a cabbie and making sure he has gas to get them there. Off they go. But the Whites are having trouble: they're trying to fire their cabbie and get their stuff out of the trunk rather than wait for him to find out where he's going, but he's not about to let go of a fare that easily; he runs off for directions, leaving their bags trapped inside. "Not cool," Mike says, which for him is the equivalent of a corrosive stream of profanity. Meanwhile, Kisha|Jen get out of there in fifth place and Margie and Luke in sixth. That leaves the Whites stranded in last place, and Mike reaches into the open window to find the cab's trunk release button. He does get it open, but their driver returns just in time, now knowing exactly where he's headed. As they drive off, Mel loudly chants, "Go! Go! Go!" His frustration is apparent as he tells the driver that they have to catch the other teams, now that they're far behind. "You don't worry. I do my best drive, very fast," the driver promises, and they calm right down and thank him. Mel tells us, "This Race is certainly isn't important enough to dehumanize someone else by yelling and screaming at them, so I'm going to feel bad about it for the rest of the day." Oh, man, how can you not love Mel? Even if he is on the wrong show? He wasn't even that harsh. Ride with Jaime some time, Mel. You'll feel a whole lot better about yourself.
Christie and Jodi catch a bad break: their driver is stopping for gas. "Does he not have a hurry button?" This is really not what they need right now. What rotten luck. Nice job, Jodi's daughter.
You know the traffic in this city is crazy when a near-miss freaks out a couple of stuntmen. "I would not want to be a taxi driver in this town," Michael says as they pass a cart so overladen that the horse that's supposed to be pulling it has been lifted off its front feet. Jaime points out monkeys to Cara. Kisha and Jen aren't loving the traffic, here in a place where the center line is clearly taken as a suggestion. Margie comments that it's different from what they're used to. "That cow is eating trash," Luke signs in disgust. Nobody's going to get a decent burger out of that animal, that's for sure. As the view out the window deteriorates, Michael comments, "They got fires in the streets, kids running around naked...definitely not one of your better parts of town." It's also affecting Jaime: "Seeing all the stray dogs and the cows and the goats just wandering around with no food makes me so sad," she says tearfully. Luke is also in tears, but more because of the plight of humans. "We've seen some children eating garbage back there," Margie explains. "It's just overwhelming to see people have to live this way." She pats Luke's shoulder as they realize how lucky they are, but Luke is so inconsolable at such poverty that the show has to stop for a minute so we can learn about what stuff we should be buying.
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Tammy and Victor arrive in the small village of Dhula. "We're in the middle of nowhere," Victor remarks, waving a jaunty "Hello!" out the window. In fact, Dhula appears to not only the geographic center, but also the capital and the county seat of nowhere. Bubo the cabbie points out Peepli Ka Pedh, the tree they're looking for. It's really a giant specimen, which a plume of leaves shaped like a mushroom cloud and a waist-high tangle of roots. In its voluminous shade, a couple of white-clad holy men are reclining on mats and sucking on hookahs among a small herd of goats. Also on the mats are large red telephones. These guys have a hotline to the Kremlin? Actually, there are instructions on the phones: "For your clue, dial one of these numbers," read the decals, and there are four sets of numbers. Victor dials and listens to the recording on the line, but the tinny connection and the heavy Indian accent of the voice on the phone means they need to call Babu over for help. "Travel to Amber Fort, Gaura Parvati Parking," is what the message says. In English. Babu "translates" for them and starts driving them back the way they came. Good thing they got his help, because Victor thought they were being sent to "valet parking." That would have been tricky to find.
Mark is practically in Michael's lap as their cab approaches the village, with Team Go Team's taxi right behind them. Inside it, Jaime says they're "caravanning" with four other teams on the one-lane road into the village. The downside of suddenly being able to tell them apart is that now I can't accuse Cara of making a pun on her name. "Look at this caravan of fools," Mike says, which is a much better effort. Of course, he's saying this as his and Mel's cab brings up the rear of the column. Mel says they have a good driver. I'm sure he is, when he's not running off and leaving all their possessions in his trunk as his hostage. They all meet Tammy and Victor coming the other way. "All right guys, we're at war," Michael says for some reason. The cabs all stop, and everyone dashes over to the tree, Mike warning Mel to watch himself on the sand. The Stuntmen reach the tree first and wonder where their clue is, looking right past the big phone right in front of them. Because of course that's supposed to be there. But then the two teams behind them do the same thing, Kisha even turning over rocks to look for yellow envelopes. Mel remarks after the leg that there wasn't any reason for those phones to be there, but in real time, he looks just as confused as everyone else.
Christie and Jodi are still in their cab, saying that everything needs to go right for them, though nothing has. Victor and Tammy pass them on their way out, confirming for themselves that they're in first place and congratulating Babu on his sterling work. The Flight Attendants, by contrast, are having "not a good feeling." How long does it take to pump gas in India, anyway?
Back at the tree, Margie is the first to realize that the phones don't belong. How will she take advantage of this knowledge? "For your clue, dial one of these numbers!" she hollers out to everyone. So basically she just broadcast key information on the race to everyone but her partner. And then she lets Kisha and Jen jump ahead of her. While a line forms, Mark suggests Michael check for another phone, and it turns out there is one. The teams get their poorly-understood messages and run off in the following order: Kisha|Jen, Team Go Team, Margie|Luke (Margie actually tells the recording, "I'm sorry, I don't understand," and they decide to just follow the cheerleaders), and Mel and Mike, leaving the Stuntmen the first of this group to arrive and the last of the group to get their clue. Kisha asks their driver, "Do you know a mad football?" Without missing a beat, he corrects, "Amber Fort." He gets that question a lot? Jaime and Cara sit in the back of their cab, but their driver is up ahead chatting with his colleagues instead of in the car. So of course Jaime yells at him to come back and drive them now. But at least Cara's nice to him once they get moving again, which both makes him feel better and reinforces my sense of which of them is which. The Whites' driver, still eager to make up for locking their luggage away from them earlier, tells them, "You will win definitely, I promise." Margie's just hoping for the best by staying with the pack, and finally the Stuntmen leave, in sixth place.
Christie and Jodi meet the other five cars coming back, and arrive at the tree shortly thereafter, knowing they're in last place. They don't find a clue box, but Jodi is quick to figure out the incongruity of the phone, and she picks it up. "Hopefully we can turn it around here," she says as they hurry back to their cab with their directions.
"That is the Amber Fort, that yellow building," Babu tells Tammy and Victor as they come in sight of a huge fortress on a large hill. Do I have to tell you the color of the fortress? Okay, it's kind of a yellowish-amber. He parks in the designated lot and Tammy and Victor run to the clue box near where the road passes the base of the hill. "Road Block!" Victor sings out. Phil tells us that "one person must work in the shadow of this maharajah fort and care for one of India's most prized animals, the camel." Each player will pick a group of camels and use "traditional tools" to carry food and water to them. These traditional tools are a metal bucket for water, and big baskets the size of laundry hampers for hay. How very exotic. They have to bring the camels enough water to fill a trough up to a hole drilled high on one end, and enough hay to pile around a pole sticking out of the ground, up to a mark that's about knee-high. It looks to be about a hundred yards from the supplies to the camels, so this is not a minor task. Tammy suggests Victor do this one, and he agrees. As she goes back behind the road's guardrail to watch, he gets off to an inauspicious start, tripping in front of the hay pile and trying to load some into his water bucket. "Are you doing the right thing, Victor?" she calls out. He belatedly notices the baskets and the rakes that are intended for the hay and gets to work with those. "This is a better tool anyway," he duhs. Well, points to him for listening to Tammy and not insisting that what he was doing was right. But then as he runs, he nearly drops the basket and runs face-first into the resulting cloud of hay. "Tammy, camel feed doesn't taste that good," he reports back. And that's coming from a guy who's been living on airplane food for the last two weeks.
Mark and Michael's cabbie passes Luke and Margie's. "It's just a race to get to this Ahmed Parking," Margie says, I think just sticking what is the most Indian-sounding word she can think of in front of the word "parking." Too bad "Ahmed" is Arabic. the Stuntmen pass the Whites, and Team Go Team. "Just let them pass, thanks," Jaime snorts at her driver. He's probably like, "All righty, you betcha." "I don't like to play Indy 500 in foreign countries," Jen says as the Stuntmen pass them. What's even worse is losing Indy 500 in foreign countries. "We definitely got one of the best drivers in India," Michael chuckles. From a sample of seven, he can tell this.
While Tammy watches Victor finish up with the hay, she says this'll please their dad. "He thinks that Victor and I have led such a privileged life," she explains. Victor encourages his camels to be patient as Tammy reports that other taxis may be arriving. Indeed, a moment later, all five teams are running up and down the shoulder of the road, looking for the clue box and weaving through the crowds that include an actual, literal snake charmer. The sisters reach the clue box first, followed by the Stuntmen, then Team Go Team and the Whites. The clue reads, "Be the maharah's [sic] caregiver" (according to Mark), before they open it, and it's going to Jaime, Kisha, Mark, Margie, and...uh-oh, Mel. As the cheerleaders jog over to the paddock, Cara tells Jaime, "You're awesome with animals." It's people she can't seem to deal with. Kisha re-reads her clue standing right to a camel, and is distracted when it hilariously sticks its face in hers. It's not polite to read over people's shoulders, camel. Jaime, as usual, doesn't know what to do, and gets frustrated when the guides can't tell her anything and she's left there holding a bucket and demanding, "Do you understand English?" Finally she runs off saying, "Dang it, you're annoying me." "Oh, that's my Jaime," Cara says from the spectators' area with the rest of them. Nobody congratulates her on being saddled with the season's designated Ugly American.
The five Road Block workers get busy making the run between their camels and the water trough. "That's why other teams call Mom "Bionic Woman," Luke remarks in an interview. Mark annoys some locals by ululating at them. Seriously. Kisha's not loving this task. "I never had to take care of livestock, ever," she says. "I never even had a pet." Jaime and Margie are sort of quietly urging themselves along as they go, but since Mel doesn't have enough wind to do that himself, a little boy along his route shoos him along, barking, "Fast! Go fast!" Awesome. Mel's clearly struggling with this, and from the sidelines, Mike says it was Mel's turn to do the Road Block, but maybe they made the wrong call. "So, no signs of the blondes?" he asks, both changing the subject and providing an opportunity to drop in a segue.
The Flight Attendants are still driving through town, certain of being in last place but hoping to make up time on a physical task. As the Amber Fort comes into sight, Christie reminds us that they've come from last before. Yes, but there's only so many times you can do that. A more solid strategy would be to avoid ending up in last in the first place.
Back at the Road Block, a local is smacking a lazy camel on the ass to get it on its feet. It works, but the local is going to regret that in a minute. Indeed, once Victor has filled his water trough to the hole and gets his clue, that local gets kicked to the ground by his camel. So their positions have reversed: camel on its feet, man on the ground. I'm sure that's some kind of microcosm for something. While running to meet Victor, Tammy trips on a rock and goes down hard herself, without any help from the local fauna. Victor helps her up and rips open their clue.
To all evidence, it seems to be sending them to three different destinations. Victor reads, "Make your way to Johari Bazaar," but the Roman lettering on the sign there reads, "Ramniwas Ramgopal," whereas Phil and the chyron are simply calling it a "puppet store." Whatever the case, there's a clue box waiting there for them. Team Family Law is on its way, Tammy berating herself for her clumsiness. Maybe if she hadn't led such a privileged life she wouldn't have fallen.
Mel is getting more loudly challenged by this task, moaning with every breath. In a post-leg joint interview, with spots of red paint on their foreheads, Mike says, "I just knew that we'd be there at least a half an hour after everybody else." In situations like this, Mike needs to remember to look down at his "Yes We Can" t-shirt more often.
Jodi gets out of her cab and slams the door behind her, unaware that Christie was about to get out on that same side. At least nobody gets a finger squished this time. As they run toward the clue box, they meet Tammy and Victor coming out. "It was hard," Victor warns. He and Tammy are happy to be in their cab in first place, while Jodi joins the camel-feeding extravaganza. Christie stands and waits to Mike, who remarks to her, "Not one for the 68-year-old." Jaime tells her guide as she empties her bucket into the trough, "I need this to be the last one." It isn't, but it's close. And at least she doesn't yell at the trough for not speaking English or being unable to drive a cab to her satisfaction. Kisha has better luck, and is ready to move on to the hay portion of the task. Mike is still regretting letting his dad do this. "I wish I'd known what the challenge was, and I would have done it in a second instead of watching my dad have to go... schlep." I don't know how many TAR recaps I've used the word "schlep" in before, but I'm pretty sure this is the first time I've had to put it in quotation marks. Mel is having the same regrets, but it's too late to do anything about it. "Sorry, Mike," he calls up when his last bucketful comes up short. This counterexample is as good a time as any to remark on the confusing irony of how Michael's partner always calls him "Mike" and Mike's partner always calls him "Michael." Because these recaps aren't confusing enough for you to read.
Back from the ads, Mel continues working on this, for Mike's sake. And over at Kisha's feed pile, she says, "I sure hope I have the right method right now." And she starts scooping hay into her shirt. Yes, the traditional tools in Rajasthan include a Louisville jersey. Mark and Margie aren't doing much better, using their water buckets to carry the hay. Mel finishes filling his water trough and gets ready to move on to the food. But on the way over, he notices the baskets and the rakes. "It said in the clue, use a native tool for carrying the hay," Mel interviews, and adds that most people were using the bucket for both. Which was wrong." Not that anybody's going to get penalized for using the wrong method, other than the time they're adding for themselves by being dumb. Mel loads up his first basket and starts carrying hay in it.
Tammy and Victor meet an unusual conveyance in the oncoming traffic lane: an elephant, with its face painted in bright colors. They are duly impressed. A moment later, they're through the giant pink gates of the bazaar, and soon find their clue box. Unsurprisingly, it's a Detour. Phil says this a choice between "two tasks that plunge them into the chaotic streets of Jaipur." The options are "Movers" and -- wait for it -- "Shakers." For "Movers," the teams go to Sanganeri Gate, which looks a lot like that gate through which we just saw Victor and Tammy enter the bazaar. Parked nearby are a number of bicycle rickshaws, each loaded with a towering stack of cylindrical plastic hay barrels. They have to bike a mile and a half through the streets to another gate, which looks just like the first gate. Then they have to unload all the barrels and dig through their straw to find a metal elephant that's small enough to fit into the palm of Mark or Michael's hand. Then they swap it for their clue. Watching at home, Kristy and Lena from Season Six have nightmare flashbacks.
As for "Shakers," the teams go to a busy intersection where traditional costumes and makeup are waiting to be put on them by a group of local dancers. As Phil says, once they've been properly tarted up, they'll join "this Rajasthani dance troupe. Then they'll go into the streets and shake their hips for tips." One hundred rupees later, the bandleader will give them their clue. And just to give you a sense of how difficult this task is, one hundred rupees converts to about two American dollars. Well, I suppose it's a poor country.
Tammy and Victor are opting for Shakers. They quickly find the dance troupe on the correct corner. They step into one-person horse costumes and submit to having some garish makeup applied. "I hope Tammy and I are breaking the stereotypes of lawyers all across the world," Victor says. They get to work dancing with the locals, who are making a huge racket with drums and other instruments. Victor interviews that he could never imagine himself "putting on makeup in the middle of a city street and dancing and begging for money. I did not feel discomfort at all." He may be shattering lawyer stereotypes, but the stereotype of the uptight dude who begins to discover his true self by looking and acting outrageous in public fits him like a glove.
Back at the Road Block, Mel seems to have taken the lead with his basket technique, as Kisha, Margie, and Jaime are still using their shirt and buckets, respectively, to carry the hay. "Think smart, Mark, think smart," Mark says as he does the same. Unfortunately he doesn't seem to be listening to himself. The Amazing Editors underline the point with a shot of the large pile of idle baskets. Jodi finishes carrying the water and moves on to the hay as well. Finally, Kisha notices what Mel's doing and marvels, "Oh, you can use that! Shut the hell up!" She quickly switches methods. From the spectator area, Luke calls out, "Mom!" then yells/signs, "Basket, basket!" Margie and Jaime get right on that. "All that work for nothing," Jaime sighs, exaggerating as usual. No word on what Mark is doing. It's entirely possible he got lost on his latest trip between the haystack and his camels.
Tammy and Victor are still working hard for their tips, and actually getting some. And plenty of blank stares, too, not that they care.
Mike watches his dad with his fingers crossed. Jodi is wisely carrying her basket atop her head, but it's Mel who finishes in second place. The man does know how to almost blow a Road Block and then pull it out, doesn't he? They're on their way to Johari Bazaar, Mike congratulating Mel the whole way. "My dad just smoked the Road Block," Mike says in the cab. Don't say "smoked," Mike; Mel's having trouble breathing right now. "I got hay fever," he coughs. I can't even imagine what that task would have done to my allergies. Of course, I'm also allergic to waking up early, getting lost, traffic, and airport security lines, so maybe this race isn't for me.
Jaime finishes , followed closely by Margie, then Kisha. The three teams are out of there in rapid succession, but with Kisha and Jen's cab in first. "Move!" Jaime snaps charmingly at their driver. Once they're underway, she announces, "I've got hay all down my chest and in my boobies. I used my boobies to transport the hay." Obligatory reaction shot from the driver. Or it's just an insert of one of the many times he must have checked behind him to make sure Jaime wasn't about to smack him.
It's down to the Stuntmen and the Flight Attendants at the Road Block, and Mark finishes first. Jodi isn't far behind, but they've still got that Speed Bump to face. "All it takes is for one other team to get bad luck and we're still in it," Christie says. Jodi gives her a half-smile that looks like nerve damage.
Team Family Law has accumulated its 100 rupees, and Victor leads them back to where they started. "We go to that guy and we show him the money," he says. Which they do, and they get their clue sending them to the Pit Stop. Phil says that this week, that would be Jaigarh Fort, a sprawling 15th-century fortress. They don't tell us this, but Jaigarh Fort is actually just up the hill from Amber Fort. The Racers are going to be wearing a track across Rajasthan this week. Oh, and the last team to check in may be eliminated. Clearly that isn't going to be Tammy and Victor, as they get in the cab talking about how much fun they had. Victor's already making a mental note to look into joining the Pride Day parade.
Mel and Mike go with the same option. "My dad had done enough heavy lifting for the day," Mike interviews. "So the dancing seemed like it was a more feasible enterprise." They get dolled up and start learning the dances. Which, there isn't much to them, at least as the Racers perform them. You just sort of jump up and down, waving the arm that isn't currently holding the tip bag. On second thought, maybe a hundred rupees is a bit too ambitious.
Meanwhile, the four teams behind them are all still pretty close together. The Stuntmen's kick-ass cabdriver has caught up with the pack, and Jaime is complaining about all the honking. Unfortunately the honking isn't loud enough to drown out her bitching. They spot Mel and Mike in mid-dance. "How do they always do things so fast?" they wonder. As the Whites continues to work the streets, Mike interviews. "It's so colorful. You just see people...I mean, there's such poverty, but there's also such festivity, and the people were so generous." Excellent point. Two bucks or not, I do hope the Racers don't get to keep this money.
Kisha and Jen arrive at the puppet store , but Kisha overshoots the clue box, allowing the Stuntmen to get there in third place. They opt for the bicycle rickshaws, because of course they can never pass up a chance to show off their physical prowess. They don't seem worried that this task also calls for finding-shit prowess, of which they do not possess a great deal. Kisha|Jen, Margie|Luke, and Team Go Team are all doing Shakers, because they would rather do well in the Race than prove how awesome they are.
"Rupees, rupees, for the Red Cross," Mel calls out. I do hope that's true. Just imagine the good they'll be able to do with the twelve dollars the Racers are raising for them. He hands some over to Mike, but they're not quite there yet. Kisha and Jen are already at work, and Jen says she has no problem "acting the fool." Who thought she would be? She's the only one who wasn't embarrassed running through Siberia in her underwear. Margie and Luke are also dancing for their tips, and suddenly the camera zooms in on Luke and all the ambient noise -- which is considerable -- falls away as we hear Margie translating for him in an interview. "Deaf people don't hear music. My ears are broken, so I had to use my eyes more. I read people's faces. See how they act." Then the noise comes rushing back. It's very Saving Private Ryan, only way more colorful. Luke says he danced a bit, but Margie was dancing more while Luke hung back. Jaime and Cara are also scoring some rupees. They all seem to be working different areas, because we never see them on each other's cameras. Plus if one team wrings two bucks out of one block, what chance do any of the other teams have?
Mark and Michael ride in their cab to the first gate, spot the heavily laden bicycles, and hop on to join the traffic with their giant hay loads. "Crazy American," Mark sings out. I wonder how many of his inane remarks never make it into the final edit.
Jodi and Christie find the puppet store, and the Speed Bump sign with their faces pasted to it. Phil reminds us that as the team who came in last during the , non-elimination leg, only they must complete this task. Too bad they're already in last place. They have to get to the Kala Hanuman Temple (or, from the looks of it, the alley behind it). Waiting there for them is an elephant, whose face they must paint in a multitude of colors, just like the one Tammy and Victor saw earlier. Who knew India had such a large population of sports-fanatic elephants? The pattern's already stenciled out, so it's not like they have to come up with a design or anything. When the mahout, or elephant trainer, is satisfied (shot of the mahout nodding grimly), they get to rejoin the Race. thing we know, Jodi and Christie are arriving in the courtyard, where they almost immediately fall in love with their elephant as they paint him. Either that, or they're trying to disguise their instant crushes on the handsome young Mahout.
Shots of the other five teams in mid-Detour, and then we're at the Pit Stop, which along with its spectacular views seems to feature a rather large monkey population. Tammy and Victor arrive, unload their stuff from their cab, and run up the many ramps and stairs, all the way to the roof of the fortress. There's Phil, standing in front of the mat and to a local who's happily playing a pair of wooden flutes: one in each nostril. Phil nods along gamely to the music as Team Family Law runs up. "Welcome to Jaipur, India," the greeter says slowly and musically from behind a gigantic moustache. Phil doesn't try to stretch out the suspense as he tells them they're team number one. And their prize is a pair of ocean kayaks, which they're both really excited about. In their post-leg interview, Victor says, "Tammy and I have recovered really well since our travesty in Romania." You think?
Mel and Mike finish the Detour and get into their cab for the Pit Stop. As they drive off, Mike notices that Margie's gotten pink lipstick smeared on her teeth. "She looked hilarious," he says. Indeed, she does look like a demented drag queen, or as though half of her teeth have vanished into her lips. Luke even ribs her about it in the post-leg interview.
The Flight Attendants are still painting the elephant, but the music is getting kind of sad as they drop down into slo-mo. And if that weren't enough of a giveaway, Jodi is getting tearful as she interviews post-leg about her daughter. "I want her to know that anything that she can do in life, she can do it." That's a bold claim. "Just find a way to make it happen. And to never quit. No matter what, you don't quit." Yes, we know, they're screwed. Actually, aside from the slow cab driver and the Speed Bump, they didn't have as many setbacks as in legs. But then, they get to the last Pit Stop ninety minutes after the second-to-last team, so maybe they deserved one or two more.
Jaime and Cara have their hundred rupees, and they hand it over, getting their clue in third place. But then when they try to go back to their cab, they can't find him. They climb up on low walls and shit to try to spot him, and at the same time, Jaime tries to make it easier for the driver to find her by commencing a distinctive stream of bitching. We cut away from them briefly as the Flight Attendants finish their Speed Bump and get their clue, and when we come back to Team Go Team, they still can't find their cabdriver. Which wouldn't be so bad, except for the nontrivial fact that all their stuff is in the taxi. Margie and Luke are finishing up in fourth, and they encounter the cheerleaders while they're still looking for the cabbie, who they're beginning to think simply stole their bags. Luke's like, "Let's go," and drags Margie off, either not knowing or not caring about their allies' predicament. Just then, Team Go Team's cabbie reappears, so Jaime can berate him face-to-face. Both teams' cabs head off to the pit stop. Kisha and Jen are also finishing the Detour. And Mark and Michael have arrived at their destination without getting lost, which makes me wonder if they paid their cabbie to lead them there. But of course they still need to find their elephant.
Christie and Jodi, still firmly in last place, return to the Detour box and opt for Shakers. "We don't search well," Jodi understates. Kisha and Jen are getting their clue and taking off just as Christie and Jodi arrive. In their cab, Jen says they don't know how many teams are left. They do spot Mark and Michael, struggling with their hay barrels as they head out of the bazaar. The Stuntmen start digging for their elephant as Christie and Jodi start schlepping for tips. They're soon up to fifty, but the Stuntmen have yet to find even half of a tiny elephant. Could the Flight Attendants have one more life in them after all?
After the commercials, the Stuntmen continue searching, while the Flight Attendants have only seven more rupees to collect.
Mike urges Mel along into the fortress, where Phil is looking increasingly bored with the nose flutes. You'd think with two of them, the dude could play a few more notes. Phil welcomes the Whites in second place, and Mike proudly says that Mel "smoked the competition in their twenties." Mel interviews that hearing that was better than a million dollars. "I love this kid anyway, but when I make him proud, that's the prize for me in this race." I feel that. M. Edium's currently in the stage where he loves telling me that I'm the best dad in the whole wide world. It's only a matter of time until he learns otherwise.
Mark and Michael are still getting nowhere except dirty with their search for the elephant. Meanwhile, the Flight Attendants have actually caught up, as they hand over their hundred rupees and change so they can briefly enjoy a chyron that ranks them "Currently in 6th Place." They get back in their cab, agreeing, "This is it." But is it too late? By now Mark and Michael have found their elephant, and although they're "Currently in Last Place," it's only a cab race away from elimination for one of them. I have to say, I'd miss both these teams just about equally.
In a motorcycle rickshaw riding up the hill to the fort, Margie remarks on the other teams coming up the hill behind them. "Don't let them pass you," Kisha tells her and Jen's driver. The cheerleaders are also in sight. The thing we know, all of them are out of their cabs, leaving their bags behind with their cabbies and racing inside. From the vantage point of the fort's roof, we can see the three teams running up, fifty yards apart. It's the sisters, Margie|Luke, and Team Go Team. And that's the order in which they arrive on the mat, three-four-five.
Rapid cutting ensues between the last two teams in their cabs, traveling through the city, each hoping they're still in it. Then we're back at the Pit Stop, with some suspenseful TV-movie piano music over shots of the fortress. Empty passages. Monkeys. The Amazing Editors realize that the trouble with having such a strategically defensible Pit Stop is that you can see exactly who's coming from half a mile away. A cab pulls up. Phil wonders how far into the greeter's brain he can push those nose flutes. And then, around the corner to the mat, it's... Mark and Michael. They high-ten, and Phil tells them they cut it close. "Christie and Jodi, they're right behind you," he points out, and indeed, we can see the Flight Attendants futilely climbing a ramp off in the distance. The Stuntmen clear out and the greeter plays one last shrill sequence of notes on his flute before greeting the arriving Christie and Jodi. "You are the last team to arrive," Phil tells them. "Crap," says Jodi, out of breath. And just like that, they've gone from first to last to Philimination in just two legs. He asks them what they came on the race for, since winning clearly wasn't at the top of their agenda. Christie gets choked up as she says that she's about to start a family, and felt like she hadn't done anything for herself. So now she's happy. Which is a pretty grim way to look at starting a family, if you ask me. Jodi says she wanted to prove to herself that she could do it, "And show my daughter that she can be strong and independent and do whatever she wants to do in her life. "You can give your friend a hug, you know," Phil advises, for reasons that I'm sure are not at all pervy. Laughing, they comply. In their post-Philimination interview, Jodi says it's not about the money but the experience. "You couldn't pay a million dollars and have the same experience. It's just this weird thing that has a huge effect on your life and changes it, and we're better friends having gone through this together." And they didn't even have to buy backpacks.
M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, follow him on Twitter (mgiant), or just e-mail him at M.Giant[at]gmail.com