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Midair technical problems eat up Tammy and Victor's lead when their flight to Bucharest has to return to Munich. It's not as bad as what happens to Brad and Victoria, who miss their connecting flight in Amsterdam and wind up stranded overnight. Meanwhile, the lead teams go through some exercises in Nadia Comaneci's old gym before proceeding to Transylvania. There, the Detour is a choice between moving entire Romany households on horse carts or unlocking a coffin full of picture frames and impaling them. On the former task, Amanda and Kris temporarily lose their Amazing Purse, which winds up landing them in second place behind Mel and Mike. During the latter task Victor insists on following the wrong route markers far afield, but it doesn't hurt them enough to let Brad and Victoria catch up, and the kick-ass older couple gets their asses kicked off the show.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!The new Amazing Race is still messing about with the previouslies, I see, which in addition to covering the entire season so far now include a preview for tonight's episode. I'll wait until we get there on our own, thanks.
"This! Is Salzburg, Austria, the birthplace of Mozart," Phil informs us. Specifically, Schloss Hellbrunn, this season's second Pit Stop. Tammy and Victor, the attorney siblings whom I'm calling Team Family Law, are leaving in first place at 10:13 a.m. I kind of distrust the legs where they leave at a civilized hour. But Victor reads from the clue that they're going to Bucharest, Romania. Phil elaborates that they'll be taking a train back to Munich, then taking a seven-hundred-mile flight to Bucharest. Then they'll cab it to a gymnastics hall, but not just any gymnastics hall -- its' the one where Nadia Comaneci trained. And it's where they'll find their clue. As they head for their waiting cars, Victor's describing his plan while Tammy solo-interviews for us about Victor: "Victor's super smart. He thinks of things and is able to analyze things quicker and better than other people." Example: Tammy suggests going straight to the train station, but Victor insists on going somewhere to reserve their airline seats before returning to Munich. "But Victor doesn't want to be wrong," Tammy's interview concludes. They soon find a travel agency in Salzburg and score seats on a Tarom flight leaving at 4:45, but on standby for a 3:20 Lufthansa flight. Then it's off to the train station, where they catch the train to Munich with ease. Things are going so well for them, aren't they? Of course, it won't be long before they learn that one of the worst things you can possibly have on The Amazing Race is momentum.
Still, that's a commanding lead they've got, because the Whites, Mel and Mike, don't leave the Pit Stop until 12:01. Mel interviews about how it's fun to have a famous son. "What I like about Mike is that his work in Hollywood has not gone to his head at all. He's still Mike." Mike just smirks modestly, like, Who else would I be?
Amanda and Kris aren't as close behind Mel and Mike as we were led to believe last week, leaving at 12:12. But perhaps we're about to learn something about them, no? Well, sort of. We do find out that they get $332 for this leg. Okay, moving right along.
Margie and Luke are leaving at 12:30, and Luke looks pretty happy to be heading to Romania. In a solo interview, he signs, "I don't want to rely on my mom all the time," as in real time Margie looks over the maps before pulling out of the parking lot. "I wish I could communicate more with the other teams," he continues. "I want to know what the other teams are talking about. I don't want to be relying on my mom for all the communication." And not just because he wants to flirt with former NFL cheerleaders, but also because Margie thought Bucharest was in Hungary. Well, she can't be the first to get Budapest and Bucharest mixed up. Napoleon, for instance, never quite recovered from that very blunder. I'm making that up, of course.
Team Family Law has already reached the Lufthansa counter at the Munich airport, and have in fact gotten on the 3:20 flight. Great news, right? Just wait.
Brad and Victoria leave the Pit Stop at 12:53, and I've finally figured out who Brad looks like: Joe Biden as drawn by Matt Groening. Imagine his head with a cartoon nutrient jar drawn around it like on Futurama and see if I'm wrong. There's some sharing time, as Brad interviews, "I'm a recovering drug addict and alcoholic. I've been sober for over 25 years." They're hoping the race will help them see "what's important in life." Because nothing gives you more perspective than constantly being in situations where a seemingly minor mistake can cost you a million dollars.
At 1:17, Jaime and Cara leave in sixth place. Still can't tell them apart. Also, since they arrived after dark during the last leg, I think we can assume this wasn't a twelve-hour rest period. I'm guessing this was an eighteen-hour break, if only to give everyone time to get the pie off.
Teams two through five (The Whites, Amanda|Kris, Margie|Luke, and Brad|Victoria) all seem to board the same train to Munich, but it's a long train and they all appear to be in separate, very sparsely populated cars. Kris and Amanda befriend a local who calls the travel agency on his cell phone and gets them booked on the 4:45 Tarom flight. Since they're scheduled to arrive in Munich at 4:15, their friend doesn't think they can make it, but they assure him they're plenty fast. He's like, okay, your funeral.
Meanwhile, in another carriage, Brad and Victoria have befriended an entire family. They tell them about the 4:45 flight and a 9:30 flight, and similarly advise them against trying for the earlier flight. Brad acknowledges the wisdom of that, but Victoria is hoping to find more options once they get to the terminal. Which is the kind of thing that sounds like a good idea.
Kisha and Jen leave the Pit Stop at 1:51. They jog off the grounds of Schloss Hellbrunn, with an extra pair of athletic shoes bobbling from Jen's backpack for some reason. Jen says they need to work on their communication as a team. She says they do well on the challenges, but not so much getting to the challenges. Though not in so many words. Mark and Michael leave at 2:00. We'll catch up with them later. Briefly.
Christie and Jodi are the last to leave at 2:42, and Jodi's wearing a t-shirt with a giant photo of someone who I assume is Jodi's daughter. She must be so proud, seeing her face on TV over that "Last to depart" subtitle. Off they go with their rollie suitcases.
Tammy and Victor's flight lifts off to Bucharest at 3:25. Then we see the train carrying the four teams arriving at the Munich station. I think it got there early, because The Whites get on that coveted 4:45 Tarom flight just by going to the counter. And by being charming.
Tammy and Victor's luck has run out at the worst possible time: in the air over Germany. From his window seat, Victor narrates that the captain just announced that they have to return to Munich due to technical problems with the plane. Wow, that's not something you see every week.
Brad and Victoria are at a ticket counter, being told they aren't going to make the 4:45 Tarom flight. The agent suggests a KLM flight leaving at 7:30 and transferring, where else, in Amsterdam. That should put them in Bucharest at midnight, which beats what their train friends found for them. They go with that option, in order to save 25 minutes. We'll see how that works out for them.
Poor Victor and Tammy have to get back off their plane and join the rest of their fellow passengers on a shuttle back to the terminal, hoping to catch the 4:45 Tarom flight. Which is now boarding, while the shuttle bus sits becalmed on the tarmac. And they are in fact still on the bus when the flight leaves with The Whites, Margie|Luke, and Amanda|Kris on board. You have to feel bad for them, because this falls firmly in the "no fault of their own" category of delay. Don't worry, they'll have plenty of the other kind later on.
We catch up with Cara|Jaime and Kisha|Jen at the Munich airport, learning about that 9:30 Lufthansa flight along with Mark|Michael and the Flight Attendants. All four teams opt for that one, along with -- the bitter, bitter irony -- Tammy and Victor. Meanwhile, Brad and Victoria hear an announcement that their flight is going to be late getting into Amsterdam. They decline to freak out about it. "I do not want to spend the night in Amsterdam," Brad says as they board. I assume that's a reference to their rank in the race and not to the kind of trouble a recovering drug addict and alcoholic can get into in Amsterdam. Whatever the case, they're airborne at 7:30.
Team Go Team encounters Tammy and Victor at the airport bar, and are completely blown away by what happened to them. And then Kisha|Jen and the Stuntmen show up. It's like a party, except nobody wants to be there.
Brad and Victoria land in Amsterdam and rush to make their connection, but the ticket agent says they're out of luck: "The flight left already." Dude, that's gotta hurt. After a well-deserved commercial break, there's more bad news for them: that was the last flight of the day, and Amsterdam is fogged in for the night. They're not flying anywhere until 9:15 the morning. "It is what it is," Brad says as he kisses Victoria. Which is one of my favorite euphemisms for "We are fucked."
The first flight into Bucharest lands in the middle of the night, and the four lead teams wrangle cabs to the "Sala Gimnastica." Inside, young gymnasts are in full workout mode, because I guess in Romania they don't let them sleep. Amanda is the first to the clue box, which tells them this is a Road Block. Phil informs us, "One person must engage in an activity that has made Romania world-famous." And as a young girl sticks a tumbling run right in front of him, he explains, "Gymnastics." Who'da thunk? Whoever takes this for each team will do some moves on the balance beam, parallel bars, and floor exercise in turn. Then they'll get their clue. As for the decision of which team member will be doing it, Amanda sees this as a no-brainer, as does Luke: "I'm not wearing that girl's leotard," he signs to his mom. Over on the floor, Amanda has changed into a leotard with Romanian colors and is watching a preteen gymnast demonstrate the moves she'll need to do, while a trainer runs them down on a clipboard. Amanda mounts the beam and, despite a few bobbles, finishes quickly. "She's kicking butt," Kris remarks to himself. Then it's on to the parallel bars. Meanwhile, Margie is up on the balance beam while Luke calls out, "Don't fall!" Which doesn't work, and Margie has to start over. Maybe Luke should have signed it instead. Amanda finishes the parallel bars and moves on to the floor exercises as Mel and Mike arrive, and agree that Mike is the more Nadia of the two of them. Amanda finishes the floor exercises with more determination than grace, but they're out of there in first place.
Their clue is sending them to Brasov, Transylvania. Oh, and if you freeze-frame on the clue, you can see that someone is a Young Frankenstein fan; the top paragraph reads, "Pardon me, boy, you need the Transylvania station." The camera transports us to Brasov, which even has a Hollywood-style sign mounted on one of the hills that surround the town. Except the letters spell out "BRASOV" and not "HOLLYWOOD," which would have come off kind of pretentious. Phil tells us that once they get there, they'll take a taxi to Biserica Niegra, or "Black Church." Which, I'm just saying, does not look black on my TV.
Margie finishes the balance beam, just as Mike hops up. He's not wearing a girl's leotard, by the way. Margie bulls through the parallel bars while Mike flop-sweats on the beam, but they both get it done. Thus Margie and Luke hold on to their second-place slot.
Amanda and Kris have already arrived at the Bucharest train station, an imposing structure with a classical stone façade upon which is inscribed the words "Cara De Nord." Margie and Luke aren't far behind, but it doesn't matter; the train isn't leaving until 6:30 the morning anyway. Amanda is not looking forward to spending the night in the train station. "It's kinda freaky," she says, as though she's never seen people sleeping in a train station or an airport or a Wal-Mart before. Meanwhile, back at the gym, Mike finishes up and looks completely wrung out. "I want my freaking medal!" he says.
The second flight touches down in Bucharest, so here come Team Family Law, the Stuntmen, Kisha|Jen, Team Go Team, and the Flight Attendants. Victor has reached the point in the leg where he begins to outsmart himself, as out the window of the cab he sees a sign with a picture of a sports complex and decides that's where they need to be. So they hop out and start running around the grounds. Tammy doesn't think this is right, but you can probably guess how far that gets her.
Kisha and Jen are the to enter the gym, and Kisha's doing her first Road Block. Mark will be doing this for the Stuntmen, Jaime and Cara give this one to the redheaded ex-cheerleader, and Jodi is taking it for the Flight Attendants. Outside, Victor asks some passersby for directions, and gets pointed straight ahead instead of getting rolled by the kind of people who are out walking around in Bucharest in the wee hours of the morning. In the gym, Kisha finishes the beam while Jodi's still on hers, and Mark gets started. Victor celebrates as he and Tammy finally, belatedly arrive, and Tammy's taking this for them. The other teams are making progress, although Kisha and the cheerleader are having problems with the parallel bars, due to wanting to stick to basketball and having "zero upper body strength," respectively.
And as Tammy mounts the beam, we hear her interview, "From the moment I ran into that Road Block and I saw the other teams were ahead of us, I just got stressed and I was already thinking about how we were going to get out of here as opposed to thinking about what I had to do." So she biffs the balance beam. Meanwhile, Mark speeds down the parallel bars like some kind of parallel-bar-doing robot, and Jodi finishes up and gets the clue for the Flight Attendants in fourth. Mark and Michael aren't far behind. Kisha and the cheerleader finish the parallel bars, and begin the floor exercise pretty much in sync with each other. Tammy finally moves on to the parallel bars, and doesn't do much better there, either in spite or because of Victor's Bela Karolyi routine from the sidelines. By now the cheerleaders are done and out, with Kisha|Jen not far behind. Finally Tammy makes it to the floor exercise, and she does the worst cartwheel I've ever seen. It's more like a cheese wheel, as she sort of swings her feet around herself instead of over. Then she can't manage a somersault, unlike your average toddler. "It's frustrating because I think she's not thinking right now," Victor tells us in between yelling instructions at his sister. Victor says they have to catch up. "Right now we're just totally behind." And of course none of that would have anything to do with the fact that he insisted they get out of their cab several blocks early.
Four more teams arrive at Cara de Nord. Even there I can't tell which of the cheerleaders is Cara.
Finally Tammy finishes up, and they get into the cab with her still in her leotard. She apologizes for how long she took and he helpfully says, "It's okay, I think your brain just froze." Which she clearly does not appreciate, even though she just more or less said the same thing herself. But of course when she said it, it was more in hindsight. Now it's just Victor being unhelpful.
Kisha and Jen join the gang at the station waiting for the morning train, and Kisha breaks the news that Tammy and Victor were on their flight with them. And Victor is still lecturing Tammy about how she needs to relax and think. He at least readily agrees to drop it when she doesn't want to talk about it any more. They reach the train station, outside which Tammy gives a tearful solo interview about how frustrated she is. "He thinks I'm weak, he thinks I get paralyzed and can't do things, and he thinks that he's accommodating for me a lot. I'm not really sure how to deal with it." And that's what serves as a suspenseful moment for the end of this act.
One commercial break later, everyone's boarding the train to Brasov. As the sky begins to lighten, we see Team Go Team hanging out with Luke on the train and talking about their clue. They interview about how other teams might be intimidated by Luke's deafness, but they don't have a problem with it because they're so awesome. One of them talks about using pen and paper, but in the train we see that the other one at least knows how to fingerspell; I can see her finishing up what might be the word "Church," although she seems to think it ends with a "S-R-U-C." I mean, I guess that kind of letter combination is possible in a country where Slavic languages are spoken, but one's ability to fingerspell is obviously limited by one's ability to actually spell.
The good news for Brad and Victoria is that it's morning; the bad news is that they're still in Amsterdam. They're determined to keep going hard as they board their plane to Romania. Victoria promises, "If there's even one team that is as screwed up as our situation, then I'm going to be really happy." She should be, because that would be pretty screwed up indeed.
In Brasov, teams mind the gap as they jump off the train and run for cabs. Tammy and Victor are in first place for the moment, but in the short race to the "Black Church" (seriously, it's totally gray, and not even dark gray). Amanda|Kris get there first, followed closely by the Flight Attendants. And the clue tells them it's a Detour, with the choices being "Gypsy Moves" or "Vampire Remains." Gypsy? I thought we were supposed to call them Romany or Romani or Roma these days, plus it seems like there's more potential for puns that way. In any case, here's Phil, back in his sheepskin jacket and looking oddly at home in a Romany encampment as he says this is about "two things one might expect to encounter in Transylvania." "Gypsy Moves," which at first looks like dancing to some crazy-fast local music, is actually a task where the teams will have to go to a "Gypsy settlement, where they must load all of a family's belongings onto this horse-drawn cart." Then they steer the cart to a new camp and unload it to receive their clue. Think Beverly Hillbillies, but in Europe, and without a cee-ment pond at the end of the journey. The music goes from rollicking to scary for the "Vampire Remains" description. We're transported to some Blair Witch woods, where teams will drag a coffin to a clearing (downhill, I hasten to add), open a bunch of padlocks and chains wrapped around it, and pull out some "antique" picture frames inside. I'm beginning to think that "antique" does not mean what this show thinks it means. Over a helicopter shot of a gothic castle, Phil narrates, "In the spirit of Vlad the Impaler, who inspired Bram Stoker's famous vampire Dracula, teams must impale the frames on a stake, searching for a hidden flag sealed between the boards of one of them. Then they'll swap the flag for a clue with a black-robed druid standing nearby. You think maybe Transylvania had anything to say about The Amazing Race wanting to come here and do vampire crap? Or were they like, "You know, we also have a water park"?
Amanda|Kris decide on "Gypsy Moves," while the Flight Attendants and Tammy|Victor (which is to say, Victor) opt for "Vampire Remains." Kisha and Jen agree on "Gypsy Moves." The cheerleaders aren't sure which way to go, but Luke's wanting to do vampire, which he's both saying and demonstrating by miming a stake and pointing to his neck. So the little alliance is off to the woods. The Whites are going with "Gypsy Moves." "The other one sounded too complicated," Mike explains on the way back to their cab. The Stuntmen arrive last and also opt for Gypsy Moves. "I can drive a cart, that's no problem," Mark says. But is it as simple as running?
Brad and Victoria finally land in Bucharest, unbowed but undeluded. "Everything just has to fall into place, "Brad says as they ride in a cab toward the sports complex. Which is true, plus having some other team fall off a mountain wouldn't hurt either.
The cheerleaders are not having good luck with their cabdriver, and not doing a very good job of hiding their frustration. Surprisingly, being irritated doesn't appear to make them go faster.
At the Roma camp, a band is tearing it up on accordion, bass, saxophone, violin, hammer dulcimer, and God knows what else. It's a glorious racket. Amanda|Kris get there first, closely followed by The Whites. Mel's groin is already hurting when they find the collection of what they have to move, which includes shit like an electric stove, giant tires, and the stripped body of an automobile. You know what, show? I think these Gypsies are kind of fucking with you. The Whites quickly regret picking the most physical option. But at least they don't have to lift the stuff onto the cart by themselves; it's more like they're helping the people move. Just like we've all done, except they get to deal with a horse cart, which is inherently less humiliating than dealing with U-Haul. Kris and Amanda are moving faster than the Whites, but even Kris is struggling with some of the weightier items.
Cara|Jaime's driver? Still lost, and still getting bitched at for it, while Margie and Luke are following them. I would think the only thing worse than being stuck inside a cab with a driver who's lost is being stuck inside a cab that's following a driver who's lost. "Why are we driving on the sidewalk?" one of the cheerleaders demands. She doesn't seem to get an answer that satisfies her. One wonders what that answer might be. Also, she'd better pace herself, or Asia's cabbies are going to give her an aneurysm.
Kris and Amanda have finished loading their cart and are on the move, with Amanda joining the driver on the seat up front while Kris sort of runs alongside watching for shit to fall off. Which it does, and with some plenitude. There go an occasional table and a car muffler, for instance. Kris starts piling stuff back on. Kisha and Jen arrive at the Roma Detour just as the Whites are getting moving, Mike trying to keep a bumper from falling off. An old lady is cracking up watching this. I say "old lady," but of course she might be my age for all I know.
Team Family Law and the Flight Attendants are arriving at the starting point for "Vampire Remains" at about the same time. Victor talks about the clue telling them to take the "marked path." Once in the woods, Victor spots a trail blaze on a tree: a vertical red stripe flanked by white stripes. So he decides that's what they need to follow. "It usually is red and yellow," Tammy points out, quite reasonably. Victor doesn't care; that's what they're following, because he says so. Meanwhile, the Flight Attendants have found a set of much more TAR-looking markers in the form of red-and-yellow arrows on signposts stuck into the ground. Guess which team reaches the right place first? Yes, it's the Flight Attendants, while Victor and Tammy follow some Romanian park service trail straight uphill, at his continued insistence. Christie and Jodi try to lift their coffin and find it's pretty heavy, but at least they're better off than Tammy and Victor. She's trying to tell him they're following the wrong markers. "We don't know that yet," Victor says, and goes on ahead. The question is, when will they know? And when they do, what if it's too late to go back? All these questions and more will be answered in due time, but don't expect the answers to make sense.
The Stuntmen arrive at the Romany camp, where a guy is riding some kind of three-wheeled contraption suspended on a wire. It's hard to explain, and it seems like a fairly limited form of transportation. Still en route, the cheerleader in pink says of their cabdriver, "I just have to breathe, 'cause I'll snap." Hate to see what that would look like. She gets pissy when the driver can't seem to understand the person he stops and asks for directions. "You're speaking the same language," she grumps at him. Try fingerspelling, then, Annie Sullivan.
Amanda's wearing a leather cowboy hat that belongs to one of the Roma men as they arrive at the new place and begin unloading. Kris mentions that he doesn't have his Amazing Purse (although he insists on referring to it as his "fanny"), and Amanda says they'll get it later. They'll need to hurry with that, because Mike and Mel are not far behind. Nor do they have as much shit falling off their cart.
Tammy and Victor are still ascending, she still voicing her doubts. "I think going back right now would be a big mistake," he insists. Yes, they've already committed to the wrong direction. Too late to correct now. Imagine how much time that would take!
Christie and Jodi manage to start dragging their coffin down the hill. Meanwhile, the alliance of Team Go Team and Margie|Luke have finally found the starting point, and when Luke finds the marked path first, he calls out to Jaime and waves them over before they can start wandering off in Team Family Law's wake. Speaking of whom..."Look, we're doing so great!" Victor says. Now that they are high enough to see all of Transylvania from where they are. Except of course anything that would lead them to the Detour task.
Amanda and Kris finish unloading their cart and get their clue. stop: Pit Stop, namely Villa Panoramic. It looks like a picturesque chalet, but Phil sets us straight: it's a "small inn overlooking the castle linked to the story of Dracula." And the last team to arrive may be eliminated. But of course Kris has to find his "fanny" before they can go there. While he and Amanda are running back to get it, Mel and Mike finish up in second place.
The three teams currently doing "Vampire Remains" are still dragging their coffins downhill. Once they get to the clearing, (which Margie and Luke accomplish first, while Luke scampers downhill in a way that has to have him flashing back to the cheese race), there's a key to the first lock hanging from one of the stakes poking up from the ground. After using that to open the first lock, the second key is apparently inside it, and then you have to find which lock that goes to, while unwinding the chains as you go. "Like a maze," says one of the Flight Attendants. Well, not really, but okay. That's about as Blondes Mark 14 as they get this week, so I'm letting it slide.
Tammy and Victor are still lost, as she points out that it's not like they've run into anyone else up here. "We're not going back down," he decrees. Oh, you're going down, Victor. Just not in the way you think.
Way back in Bucharest, Brad and Victoria are still hanging on. Victoria does the gymnastics, looking better in a leotard than anyone her age has a right to. They're off to Transylvania, and presumably the Romanian gymnasts will continue their perpetual workouts without them.
While Kisha|Jen and the Stuntmen continue loading their carts, Mel and Mike hop into their cab to the Pit Stop while Kris starts looking for his Amazing Purse. Kisha and Jen are on their way to the new spot by now. When Kris doesn't find his Amazing Purse in the tractor tire where he insists he put it, Amanda tells him to calm down, because it has to be around somewhere. "Someone stole it, that's the thing," he says. That doesn't seem like something you'd want to say loudly at a Romany camp. They might be sensitive about remarks like that. His plan is to freak out, but she thinks they should keep their cool. I'm on her side there. It's an even more admirable position, given that she's not the one who lost it in the first place.
Margie and Luke get their coffin open and find a load of wooden picture frames inside with black "X"es printed on them. The Flight Attendants are right there with them, and both teams start slamming them onto the wooden spikes. For added verisimilitude, the frames have been filled with fake blood. You know, just like the picture frames that Vlad the Impaler used to torture and massacre. Oh, how he decimated Eastern Europe's population of wall art.
Up on the hill, Tammy is still expressing her doubts, but Victor's got it handled: "I'm sorry I'm making you do something you think is wrong, but I really think it's right." "I know you do," Tammy says, which is kind of the problem. She says she's frustrated that they're following his gut rather than hers. Meanwhile, Victor's gut is like, "Don't look at me, I bailed on him three miles back. He's going on pure mule-headedness now."
Amanda and Kris have given up on finding their Amazing Purse in the original camp. So they run back to the new place, in case it somehow made it there with them. Sure enough, the guys they helped move picked it up during the packing and have been hanging on to it for them the whole time. Off to the Pit Stop for Amanda and Kris, where I hope he will eat, sleep, mingle, and attend sensitivity training.
But the Whites have already gotten out of their cab, and Mike is helping Mel up the steep footpath that apparently leads there. Amanda and Kris hit the same path at a dead run, but it's not enough to catch the Whites, who arrive at the mat first. In addition to Phil, they're greeted by a dude playing the pan flute, so this better be a damn good prize. Phil pops an eyebrow at them and tells them they're team number one. Mel faux-collapses into Mike's arms, although I question how much faux is actually there. Phil tells them they've won a trip to Costa Rica. "Oh, that's his favorite place!" Mel says excitedly, while Mike just pumps his fist happily. Mel interviews about how proud he is of Mike. "He's one of the very special people that I've met in my life. And not just because he's my son, but because he is special." Yes, those of us who saw Chuck & Buck can understand that.
Amanda and Kris arrive, disappointed to be team number two. "Almost number one," Kris says as they hug. Maybe time keep a better grip on your fanny.
Tammy and Victor have reached the top of the world by now, and she's just about done. But he's still insisting on pressing on. "I think we have to complete what we started!" Because, eventually they'll come around the long way to the Detour, even if they have to circumnavigate the globe to do it? He wants her to trust him. "Tell me when we're going to stop. Tell me that and I will trust you," she says, planting her feet. Victor doesn't have an answer for that. God, she's being so unreasonable!
After the break, Victor finds what he thinks is proof he's right: a new kind of marker on a tree, this one an arrow pointing both left and right. Tammy is the opposite of convinced. "Where? Are we going?" she demands. Victor points to the summit, and to the right, for no reason he can articulate, and Tammy gives in and follows him. Again. By now, the only team more screwed than them is just boarding the train at Bucharest. They're smiling, at least. Which is more than we can say for Tammy and Victor.
Kisha and Jen wrap up the "Gypsy Moves" task in third place and head out. And while Team Go Team is still struggling to unchain their coffin, Margie finds the frame with the flag inside and they take off, with her sporting a trickle of gore down her chin. They're out of there in fourth, leaving the cheerleaders to feel kind of abandoned and hopeless. And back at the other Detour, the Stuntmen roll their car body off their cart and get their clue to leave. You know, for all the stereotypes that exist with regard to the Romany people, this episode would have you believe that their household belongings are suspiciously...standardized.
Somewhere in the stratosphere, Tammy and Victor have hit the end of their respective lines. Victor squats down on the trail and starts crying, and Tammy tells him that if he's taken on the role of decision-maker, he needs to make one now. And here he pulls a classic dick move that I'd really like to blame on oxygen starvation due to the altitude: he tells her she can help make decisions, like he hasn't been willfully ignoring her input for the last several thousand vertical feet. To her credit, she calls him on it: "I can help make the decision now that we've walked up the whole mountain?" she says. Finally, finally, he agrees to turn around and go back. I really think that if she hadn't put her foot down, he would have walked all the way back to Munich and started the whole leg over.
The Flight Attendants have their coffin open and find their flag. Off to the Pit Stop for them, while one of the left-behind cheerleaders says, "We're clearly last." Clearly. Well, normally they would be, but this week? Last is the new seventh. Once Christie and Jodi are gone, they finally get the lid off. "I'll freaking rip it open with my bare hands at this point," one of them says. Their cab driver should be very nervous, because now that they have their clue and are off to the Pit Stop, she might do the same to him if he gets lost again.
Kisha and Jen arrive on the mat in third. Luke and Margie aren't far behind, and as Phil speaks/signs that they're team number four, I envy Luke for not being able to hear the pan flute.
Tammy and Victor reach the bottom of the hill, and Victor sighs, "Aw, there's a stupid arrow." Language! Shortly thereafter, they find the signs pointing them uphill to the coffins. "Sorry we have to go up again," he tells her. "Crapola," she responds. Like a couple of sailors, these two.
Christie and Jodi arrive at the Pit Stop and are walking up the footpath when Christie notices the Stuntmen running up behind them. The footrace is on, and Mark and Michael arrive in fifth, with the Flight Attendants just steps behind them in sixth. Hugs all around, now that both teams have moved up significantly in the standings.
Victor's being a big old drama queen as Tammy tells him to be careful dragging the coffin down the hill: "I don't care if I die," he says. "Oh, come on, Victor," Tammy says impatiently. Down they go. They get the first lock open, but the key that's supposed to be there... isn't. They can only conclude that the key got broken off in the mad slide down the hill. "And now we have the impossible task of finding a stupid key," Victor says. So he might not care if he dies, but breaking the fake coffin puzzle is clearly a showstopper.
Brad and Victoria are still on the train to Brasov, and Victoria narrates that they wondered if it was possible for another team to "have screwed up as bad, and if they did, then we're still in the game." Maybe if they were off the train and in Brasov already, but otherwise...well, let's just say it seems to have taken Tammy and Victor a lot less time coming down the hill than going up.
Team Go Team comes stumbling down the hill towards the mat. I know Phil has nerves of steel, but further proof is the fact that he has to watch all these teams come bumbling downhill towards where he's standing, with an even steeper hill dropping away just a few yards behind him. If someone overshoots, he'll just keep tumbling until he's in Moldova. The cheerleaders are quite happy to hear that they are team number seven, and still in the race.
Tammy and Victor are now scouring the trail the coffin left in the overgrown grass and fallen leaves on the hill. An Amazing Cameraman zooms in on the surface, which does not display ideal conditions for a key hunt. Or maybe he's zooming in on the actual key and I just can't see it. Victor bemoans their bad luck until somehow, miraculously, he finds the key. Tammy tells him good job. They seem to get the coffin open pretty quickly, but go through quite a pile of frames before getting to the frame with the flag inside. Off they go to the Pit Stop in eighth place.
But the Race isn't done fucking with them yet, because when they reach the mat, Phil somberly tells them, "Tammy and Victor? I'm sorry to tell you... that you are... the second-last team to arrive." They're so emotionally and physically wrung out that it takes them a minute to get what he's saying, but eventually Tammy says, "Good job, Victor." Oh, Tammy, he did this to himself. It's not your job to make him feel better. He starts crying again, and Phil asks him why he's upset. "I'm not upset," Victor claims. "It's just, I'm just glad that we're done. We're alive and that's what matters." Still the drama queen. Victor interviews post-leg, "The stressful environment has made it very clear that the older brother-little sister dynamics don't work well on a race." Yes, Victor, blame the "dynamic." It was the "dynamic" that refused to listen to reason at least a half-dozen times. He continues, "And I think it's a real chance for us to improve the way that we relate to each other so that we can be both effective and not, what I think is unintentionally, hurtful." I agree with that last part, except for the "us" and the "we." As for Tammy she's still on the mat when she tells Phil that she's learned, "I have to speak up a little bit more." In her interview, she says, "I need to hurt his feelings a little bit when I think that I'm right and he's wrong and just be very vocal about it." Well, that's not entirely out of line with Victor's goal to be less unintentionally hurtful.
.The sun goes down, and we catch up with Brad and Victoria, wrestling their coffin downhill by the light of their headlamp. Yeah, even if the Amazing Editors had wanted to, there was no way they were going to make this look close at the end. Brad looks like he came out of a slasher movie by the time they get their flag and their clue. "What fun!" Victoria chirps. We hear a bit of their valedictory interview as Brad says the Race will be with them forever. "I can't think of a better person to share this experience with than Victoria." They reach the mat, and the pan flautist is apparently not getting overtime, as they are Philiminated in blessed silence. Victoria solo-interviews, "This wonderful adventure around the world is going to change the way we live our lives together." Change number one? No more Amsterdam.
M. Giant is a Minneapolis-based writer with a wife, a son, and a number of cats that seems to have settled at around two. Learn waaaay too much about him at Velcrometer, or just e-mail him at M.Giant[at]gmail.com.