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The teams are sent to Osaka, Japan. TK and Rachel leave in first place but rely on a hotel travel desk (it appears) to reserve their tickets. The desk seems to confuse "leaving for Osaka first" with "getting to Osaka first," and they wind up with a flight with two connections. The other three teams do their research on the internet or at the airport, so they get a flight that leaves a little later but only connects once. As a result, TK and Rachel are barely seen in the episode, so far behind are they. In Japan, the Roadblock sends Jen, Christina, and Nick into cabs they have to drive themselves, with confusing and obviously frustrating results. Nate and Jen and Ron and Christina are running neck-and-neck, with Don and Nick a little behind, for the rest of the leg. The Detour asks the teams to choose between smelling all the flowers in a mostly-artificial-flower shop to find isolated real flowers and using cell phones to control soccer-playing robots. (No, I am not on any medication, thank you.) Nate and Jen and Ron and Chris choose the flowers, while Nick coaches his grandfather through the finer points of robot fighting. Ultimately, cab problems and Chris's ability to speak Japanese result in Ron and Chris eking out the win over Nate and Jen, to Jen's continuing frustration. And also to my terror that this is a "they never come in first...until the last leg!" storyline, which will make me cry. When TK and Rachel finally get to Osaka, they run quickly through the tasks in the dark as they talk lovingly about their relationship in voice-over, and they're really making it look like an elimination. But of course, it isn't, so week, TK and Rachel start out three hours behind and face the Speed Bump. Dun! Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Previously on So Long And Tanks For All The Propane: TK and Rachel rode their mellow hippie-dom to the front of the pack, while Jen and Nate found a way to fight over reading the newspaper and Ron morphed back into Bad Dad and yelled at Christina maybe more than ever. Kynt and Vyxsin decided to Yield -- I mean, U-Turn -- Nick and Don, a plan flawed only by the fact that Nick and Don were ahead of them. When the U-Turning was in vain and Jen turned out to be more of a bad-ass with a few tanks of propane than you might think, the Goths found themselves stuffed into a coffin and hustled out of the race, where they will return to their daring lives of eyeliner and pink cowboy hats. They didn't mind being eliminated. They're used to society's slings and arrows. And they do not care, for they are nonconformists, and not just because they're thirty-year-olds trying to hang out in a culture of teenagers. And now: four teams left. Who will be eliminated...?
Credits. Damn, Ari and Staella. I feel like you were on, like, Amazing Race: Mesozoic Era or something. It's like you were never here.
An elephant! Dancing! A yoga dude totally stolen from the last episode's unused B-roll! We are in Mumbai, a city that, as the show portrays it, is like Times Square everywhere all the time, and now I have hives just from the thought. And here is Phil at Bandra Fort, where the entrance seems to have graffiti on it, which really makes me wonder what kind of slack-ass warriors hung out here and/or what kind of slack-ass security guards they have today. Phil's shirt is exactly the same stone color as the...well, stones...so that's not a great choice, but other than that, Phil is looking hale and hearty as we approach the final legs. Phil wonders whether TK and Rachel's "ability to stay calm" will keep them in the lead, and whether "senior citizen Don" can keep up with Nicolas. Somewhere, Don just poked a wizened finger into the air. You know the one.
1:25 PM. TK: "Oh, 'fly to Osaka, Japaaaaan.'" He hasn't been this excited since he successfully applied for that Women's Studies seminar. Phil explains that they will head to Kishiwada Castle and search for their clue. The rip-and-read chat is Rachel explaining that self-confidence is a problem, but that with TK, she doesn't have "any fears." (Hello, Entertainment Weekly. The word was indeed "fears," and it actually does make sense in context, so...maybe a little less conspiracy-theory hysteria week? The internet has enough of that as it is.) They decide to look for internet access somewhere. But instead of getting on the internet, they go to what looks like a hotel travel desk and tell the guy they need to go to Osaka "the fastest possible way." I'm not sure hotel travel desks are really the best place to do this kind of thing. Travel agencies, yes. The airport, yes. Murray, who's working the Marriott desk all alone in the middle of the afternoon? This, I do not know about.
1:33 PM. Nick and Don. Nick interviews that being "the leader" of his team is "a big responsibility," and while you might be inclined to question calling yourself the leader of your grandfather, Don basically agrees that he feels pressure to "keep up" with Nick, a task that's clearly getting to him. As they get a taxi to the airport, Nick interviews that while his grandfather can't run all over the place like a kid in his twenties, he's doing a great job on the race anyway. Wow, Nick is really folded up in that cab, poor tall thing. In the cab, Don says that during his time in the service (between his careers in poster-hanging and brick-placing and that time he wrestled a hippo in Zambia), he wanted to go to Japan, so this is pretty cool for him. Nick is wearing his dad's promotional shirt again. Someone asked this week whether maybe Nick was Robbie Fulks's stepson, to which the inimitable Jane Wiedlin's Boyfriend offered, "That person has never seen a picture of Robbie Fulks. Because if Nick is his stepson, Nick's mom really has a type." Because Nick looks just like Nick's shirt, is the thing.
1:44 PM. Ron and Chris. Christina, it turns out, is mighty happy about heading to Japan, because she spent some time there and learned at least some getting-around Japanese that she hopes will be useful. Ron's slightly less considered position on Japan: "Land of sushi." Christina asks him if he'd like to head for the travel agency first, and he says he would. Ron repeats, for the millionth time, that he needs to change the dickhead behaviors that he displays toward his daughter, like, back it up, Hernia Joe. Put some muscle behind the mouth and maybe I'll start to take you seriously. Until then, you are Lucy, your daughter is Charlie Brown, and the football is not acting like a jerk. Get it?
Chhatrapati Shivaji International Airport. Yeah, baby. Nick and Don get out here, while Ron and Chris are dropping in on a travel agent who is conveniently to the prominently placed Nokia store. Chris asks about getting to Osaka as early as possible, and clarifies that the agency has access to all the airlines. I do see some progress in the fact that Ron at least lets her talk sometimes. It's a little crazy for that to feel like progress, but there you go.
2:38 PM. Nate and Jen rip their clue, but not before Nate leans over and gives her a little smooch. They're definitely trying to get along better; I'll give them that. To her credit, Jen interviews that they always, always say they're going to argue less, so at this point, the challenge is to...well, put the muscle behind the mouth and actually do what they always say they're going to do. They get a cab to the airport, and he voices over -- once again -- that it's incredibly painful for them to keep not finishing first. In the cab, he tells her about fantasizing that they were running toward the finish line, and if there was anybody in front of him, he'd throw his bag at their legs. I'm sorry, but I did find that a little bit funny. If you can laugh at yourself enough to start plotting bizarre acts of physical comedy to get yourself the victory, I give a point for that. I like to think I would employ a complex system of pie-throwing, pulleys, and a combination of barrels of Kool-Aid and giant ladles. It's not enough to be an idiot; it takes a village idiot.
At the travel desk, TK says, "We want the one that gets into Osaka earliest." So...I think we have to give the guy the fact that he was very clear about what he wanted. Not a lot of ambiguity there as far as whether he wants to leave soonest or arrive earliest. The guy offers them a flight that leaves at 6:55 PM, asking them if they want it, and TK says, bordering on farce, "Only if it's the earliest possible that we can get into Japan." Yes, TK; you have been adequately clear. Meanwhile, at the airport, Nick learns of a flight that leaves at 8:30 PM. So that sounds worse than 6:55 PM, right? TK tells Rachel, trying to be reassuring but actually seeming a bit nervous, that he thinks they're fine with this "good flight." At the travel agency, Ron and Chris have found the 8:30 flight -- apparently on Air India -- on the internet, and they think that one is best. Nate and Jen get to the airport and also sign on for the 8:30 flight. Ron and Chris bicker a little about the difference between "nonstop" and "direct" flights, and Chris finally tells him -- apparently in Chinese -- to leave her alone.
TK and Rachel get to the airport and check in for their flight. He asks the ticket agent whether she's seen other people like them (probably meaning "with cameras"), but she says no. Ron and Chris arrive to check in at Air India, but their cab driver apparently doesn't drop them off right at the entrance; he drops them down the terminal a bit, so they wind up having to run. Ron, of course, launches into a whole tirade of frustration about the cab driver, which he can't do anything about and Chris can't do anything about, so what's the point? Yeesh. She tells him to stop wasting energy on the bellyaching, and he agrees. But it appears that instead, he continues whining the entire time as they head for the doors with their luggage cart. They, Nate and Jen, and Nick and Don all wind up at the same counter, and they all wonder about the whereabouts of TK and Rachel. Elsewhere, as TK and Rachel board their flight, he admits that they don't have any idea, really, whether they're doing well or poorly compared to the other teams. This is going to be something of a theme. To say the least. TK and Rachel are the Waldo of the episode, and it's not just because of the funny hats.
The Amazing World Map explains that TK and Rachel are connecting through New Delhi and Beijing. The other three teams are connecting through Hong Kong only. "Something just doesn't feel right about this," TK says as they pause in New Delhi. They seem to suspect that they're going to see other teams, and they're unhappy not to. As to why TK and Rachel weren't given the same flight everyone else got...who knows? The travel desk is apparently not expert at getting short-term travel arrangements booked, or isn't used to having it matter if they're off by a couple of hours. Certainly, if they left the pit stop at 1:30 and didn't leave until 6:55, that would seem to have left plenty of time for double-checking they should have done at the airport, but...again, who knows. Bad travel agents are everywhere.
When we return from commercials, we find ourselves at the Beijing Airport, where TK and Rachel are waiting out their second connection. As they get on the final flight, TK interviews that they really still don't know where they stand in relation to other teams. Did you get that? Because it might be unclear.
Osaka! Where an animatronic version of what looks like the Japanese Bob's Big Boy character winks at us, and I am not happy, because now I have nightmares. And here is the plane landing, and here is the expectant door, and here -- unsurprisingly, given the heavy-handed editing -- are Nate and Jen, because indeed, TK and Rachel are behind, not ahead, of the other teams. As usual, Nick is carrying Don's pack out of the airport, and Don interviews that Nick's been carrying his pack for much of the race. And then Don adds, "I mean, he's like a bitch for me, and it's perfect." Oh my God. Funniest grandpa of all time, that guy. I think -- and I don't mean this in any way other than with total respect -- he deserves a bitch.
Nate and Jen get a cab. Jen thinks it's time that they "start kicking these old teams' asses." Well, yeah. Because not doing so has been just a little embarrassing, it seems like. Christina seems to know enough Japanese to tell her driver to hurry up once they get themselves a cab. Chris also muses that Nate and Jen seem to believe they can beat her and Ron "and Grandpa" (heh), "but little do they know." As the teams travel in their taxis, several different people comment on how nice and clean and well-maintained Osaka is. And in the Ron and Chris cab, Ron is still wondering what the hell is up with TK and Rachel. He says they might be out ahead, but his gut tells him they're behind. Nick figures maybe TK and Rachel accidentally went to "Osaka, India." "Anything's possible on the race," Don says. Nick sits there and thoughtfully turns to his grandfather before announcing, "That's so cliché [sic]." "Mm-hmm," Don agrees. Hee hee. They're in this to win! People will underestimate them! They're surely going to lose, just as we go to a commercial! (Not really; there's no commercial. Just...see what I did there? Sure you do.)
Castle. Nate and Jen are the first ones there, and they hop out and start running around in a hunt for the clue. They finally spot it, and they open a clue telling them to take a taxi to Noda Station, where Phil explains they'll search for the cleaning guy and ask him for a clue. Man, like he doesn't have enough to do already, now he has to hand out clues to frantic contestants. They wind up getting in a cab and leaving the castle just as Ron and Christina are showing up. Meanwhile, Nick wonders whether Ron and Chris speak Japanese, and Don says they might, considering she goes to a "falutin' college." Nick mocks him for this choice of words, and Don's like, "Princeton, buddy!" What I love about this exchange is that Nick took some shit for this publicly, like, "Stereotypes! Why would he think she'd speak Japanese? Huh? Huh?" Which is kind of funny, since...she speaks Japanese, perhaps not specifically because of college, but certainly because she's smart and educated. At any rate, Ron and Chris sort of repeat the pattern by getting the clue just as Nick and Don are showing up and starting their search. Nick and Don climb into a tall tower, and Don spots the clue down on the ground, so they go to fetch it. They get in their cab and head for the station. In the cab, Nick asks Don if he's tired, and Don says it's more that he needs water, so Nick tells him they can pick some up at the train station.
On the way to the station, both Nate and Jen and Ron and Chris express relief that they don't have to drive in Osaka, given the one-way streets and hard-to-read signs (which are, believe it or not, in Japanese) and so forth. The editors send them a thank-you card for the foreshadowing material. Because: hey, look! Foreshadowing.
Nate and Jen are the first ones to get to the station and find the cleaning man, who hands them a clue that turns out to be a Roadblock. "Who's the back-seat driver?" Jen wonders, then makes an "uh-oh" face. Heh. You can tell she's like, "Uh...in life?" She takes the Roadblock and reads on to learn that the Roadblock requires the chosen person to "become a taxi driver" and navigate a couple through the streets to their destination, which is...written down. In Japanese. So this will not be so easy. Most importantly for Jen's purposes, the Roadblocker has to "put on a hat and gloves." A costume -- eeeee! Important caveat: they aren't allowed to invite anyone to ride with them or lead them, and the couple they're taxi-ing can't help them either. Once they get to the destination, they'll get the clue, but then they'll have to get themselves back to the station, too. You know, this is the part of Mapquesting that I always forget. Reverse directions. Damn.
Jen heads outside and puts on her cap and her white gloves (with her black tank top and camo shorts), and as she's preparing to leave, Ron and Chris show up and see her. Jen gets in her cab and takes a moment to check herself out in the mirror to see what she looks like in the little hat. To say she could use a review of priorities would be a grotesque understatement. Chris and Ron find the cleaning man inside, and he gives them the Roadblock clue. When they see the bit about being a "back-seat driver," they take it a little bit literally, and they conclude that Chris should do it, because she speaks the language. It's solid thinking, kind of, except that when they open the Roadblock, they're instantly horrified. Because it turns out that while Chris may be awesome with the back-seat driving, she's not so much with the front-seat driving, a.k.a. "driving." Ron says that she doesn't have much of a sense of direction, but I sense she also doesn't have much of a sense of driving a car. "It's up to the ladies," says Nate to Ron genially. Outside, Jen stares hard at the address, which is incomprehensible to her as a result of being in Japanese, while Christina reads it and announces that it's sending her to the Osaka Center Post Office. One point for six months of Japanese. Christina struggles to even get the car going, though, even though it appears to be an automatic. Yikes. Jen looks around until she finally finds someone on the street who speaks English, who tells her about the post office, while Christina just tries to start her car. Jen finds a lady who looks to be pretty helpful, who tells her where to go and about how long it should take her. Christina reveals to us that she doesn't actually have a car and doesn't drive, and only uses public transportation. Yow. Maybe don't take the task with "driving" in the clue time?
Chris and Jen both fumble through the streets, asking for directions. Meanwhile, Nick and Don reach Noda Station and find the cleaning man, from whom they get their clue. When they open the Roadblock, Nick asks if Don is tired, saying he's not tired. Don admits that he is (he also needs water, remember), so Nick takes it. Nick goes out and gets in his cab, while Don enjoys some delicious water. Like Jen, Nick has to start out by finding someone on the streets of Osaka who can read the clue for him.
Jen is lost. "How did this happen-uh?" she Flos. Elsewhere, Christina gets some directions, and Nick gets enough information to get him started. Back in her taxi, Chris ruefully remarks that she thinks in this case, it's better to know how to drive than to know how to speak Japanese. And as Nick starts off -- no kidding -- it's the "Turning Japanese" riff on the soundtrack. Come on, now. Let's not become the Survivor music department, with the gongs and whatnot. Adorably, Nick tries to attend to his passengers in every way he can, even trying to adjust the temperature so they're comfortable. Keepin' people happy!
Back at the station, Ron shares a little snack with Don. And then he yells at Don for chewing it incorrectly. Just kidding.
Jen gets more directions, and she's within sight of the post office now, but it turns out that's a very, very different thing from being where you need to be. Christina, too, can see it but not figure out how to get to it. Nick finally gets pointed in the right direction, and he, too, is now mostly struggling with how to get from where he is to where he's going when all the streets are one-way. Man, I thought Minneapolis was bad for this. Driving ensues, and seriously, you guys, I don't know how to recap driving, and even if I did, I wouldn't do it today, because YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TIRED I AM. Jen shrieks with happiness when she finally finds the post office, which is (1) as happy as I've ever seen a cab driver about anything; and (2) as happy as I've ever seen anyone about the post office. She gets her clue. Christina finishes and gets her clue. They're both so grateful that I have a feeling this task was high ranking on the scale of unpleasantness and stress. Nick gets his clue as well, so they're all now faced with the task of making it back to the station where their partners are waiting.
Essentially, the sequence is repeated with people trying to find the station, just like they were trying to find the post office. Driving, hair-pulling, direction-asking, confused attempts at sign-reading. In the end, nothing really changes, because Jen is the first to get back. Nate is, understandably, glad to see her. At least right now. She is -- kind of adorably, I'm sorry -- really excited about being in first place, for one thing. The clue, now that she can open it, says that they are to take a taxi (which they mercifully don't have to drive) to the Kita-Mido Temple, where they'll find another clue. Nate and Jen take off; Ron and Don wait patiently. In the cab, Nate congratulates Jen on a job well done and kisses her, but she can barely wait to free up her mouth so she can tell him that "nobody here speaks English." I wonder how many people where she comes from speak Japanese. Juuuust a question! Jen keeps trying to force her driver to turn around so she can make little running motions to convey what a hurry they're in. Seriously, I don't get why people do this. The cab driver wants to get you there in a hurry -- have you ever been in a taxi? They drive like their hair is on fire most of the time, because the sooner you get out, the sooner they pick somebody else up. They have nothing to gain from dawdling, in my experience, and if you're going to dawdle, you're not going to stop them with your Speedy Gonzales arm-pumping motions. Her driver ignores her, as Nate comments that perhaps they will actually come in first in this leg! So now you know they won't.
Christina returns to her relieved dad, leaving only Don to sweat it out. Nick? Still lost. He's also wearing the hat sideways now, and I'm convinced that actually makes you dumber. Nick comments that landing a plane is easier than this, which totally sounds like something they baited him to say, like, "Our husbands are professional athletes." Don comments back at the station that Nick's the only one on the course, as far as he knows. "This could really cost us," says Don's disembodied voice, which seems to step in to sound concerns in moments where actual Don seems very relaxed. I wonder if "this could really cost us" was actually a reference to getting yelled at by the family when they came home with tattoos on their arms.
When we get back from a set of doomsaying commercials, Nick asks a passing motorist for directions back to the station, and he seems to be going the right way. Kind of. I think it's all relative.
Oh, hey, it's the Osaka airport! It's TK and Rachel! Remember them? They're the fourth couple still in contention on this show, and they're currently in last place! They get a cab, and as he sits in the back of it, TK observes that they're "back on the racetrack," whether they're ahead or behind. I think he kind of knows they're behind. He and Rachel smooch in celebration of not sitting in airports or on planes anymore. What's hilarious is that making out in cabs always means one of two things: (1) really romantic; or (2) really, really tawdry. I'm thinking TK and Rachel are the first one.
Nick is still having trouble.
In the back of Nate and Jen's cab, Jen is explaining about how difficult the task was, and how it ends with the need to find this little offshoot street to get to the station itself. Nate is looking where they're going, though, and he puts a hand on Jen's arm and says it's hard for him to listen to her while the driver is driving. She pulls a face. He's like, "Er...," and goes on to say it's hard to listen to what she's saying right now. He squeezes her arm. "You know what I'm saying," he says. "No, I don't," she says. I swear, Nick needs a siren that will go off three seconds before he says something like that, instead of the siren simulated by Jen's freaking out, which tends to go off three seconds after.
And then: weirdest moment of the episode. Ron and Chris's cab driver appears to be gasping for breath, to the point where he seriously seems to be in medical distress. Like, he's wheezing and gasping. And Ron says, "I just hope he doesn't croak on us." Way to keep your compassion flowing, there, Ron. The cab driver dying with you in the cab would be bad, because it would slow your trip to what will turn out to be, ultimately, literally a stop to smell the flowers. This is God speaking to you, Ron. Get right with...whatever it is you feel you need to get right with, because this is not right, and the hard-breathing cabbie will not forgive you if your first words after he expires are "time credit." Oh, well. We will never hear of this driver again, so...I hope he had that checked out.
Jen and Nate are dropped at the temple and hop out. They run up the stairs and to the clue box. The Detour offers them Sense Of Touch and Sense Of Smell. In Sense Of Touch, you go to a building where you use cell phones to control robots playing a game of robot soccer. Oh, you heard me. Your robots have to score one goal for each team member, and then you're done. In Sense Of Smell, you have to use your nose only -- no touching, presumably -- to find a real flower in a shop full of artificial flowers. Jen figures that it's hard enough to tell the difference between the difficulty of the Detour options that they should just do whatever's closest, which I grudgingly admit is not a bad plan. What I love is that she says the two places are "a flower shop" and "a robot shop." I'm not sure the other place is a "robot shop." For about the third time today, Chris and Ron show up right when Nate and Jen are leaving, so that's...interesting. Nate and Jen get a guy to guide them to the flower shop as Ron and Chris open the Detour. Jen tells us that she and Nate are doing Sense Of Smell, because they've been told the two are both about the same distance, and she says she has "the nose of a bloodhound." In bed. WOW, I just grossed myself out.
Meanwhile, Ron says he's not very good at GameBoy, so maybe they should do the flowers. They ask a guy for directions, and eventually, they talk him into accompanying them.
Finally, Nick arrives back at the station, and they can leave. As they read the clue, Don reports that they're behind the other teams by roughly ten minutes. So...not too bad, considering he also left last. They get a cab for the temple.
Jen and Nate and Ron and Chris are both on foot and headed toward the flower shop. Awesomely, Nate and Jen get to a flower shop and are like, "Let's ask at this flower shop and try to find out where the flower shop is!" And then it turns out that...this is the flower shop. You know, if Jen were played by Goldie Hawn and Nate were played by Chevy Chase, some of their behavior would actually be sort of funny. Inside, Nate says -- and I'm quoting here -- "Holy shnikies." There's something about the word "shnikies" that makes me feel like I shouldn't be saying it, like I'm going to offend someone. Like someone is going to email me this week and be like, "AHEM, the Shnikies are a proud group of former Lutherans now living in the Bronx, where they perform native dances and blah blah blah THAT IS NOT FUNNY." So I apologize in advance to the League Of Holy Shnikies. (It might sound weird to you, but I've been reading Under The Banner Of Heaven, you see.) (NOW I REALLY WILL GET ANGRY EMAILS! Shit! I am TOTALLY KIDDING! I don't even read!) Nate and Jen begin sniffing around.
Nick and Don open the Detour, and Nick has no confidence that he's going to be able to identify a real flower. He thinks maybe the robots would be better, and Don agrees. This immediately strikes me as...not the best decision. Grandpas are more known for gardening than for robot-wrangling, dude. Grandpas watch those segments on 60 Minutes about how there are too many buttons on remote controls these days, and they like them. (Also, they like it when Andy Rooney ruminates on presidents' names, as he did just before this episode. Wouldn't it be hilarious if there were a Huckabee, Nebraska? Ha ha ha! Andy Rooney needs Operation Ice Floe, you guys. Really bad.)
Ron and Chris find the flower shop with an assist from a clerk, to whom Chris says "arigato so much." Heh. Chris has her dad start by blowing his nose. Hey, a clean slate, right? Chris and Ron go upstairs, since Nate and Jen are downstairs.
Nick offers to carry Don's bag to speed up the team, and Don agrees. Don interviews that he's afraid of letting Nick down, and in a segment that, in fairness to Nick, seems hugely edited down from something else, he says he's afraid of letting himself down, and it would be letting himself down if he didn't help his grandfather. They kind of made it seem like Don was like, "I'm afraid of letting Nick down," and Nick immediately said, "Well, I'm just afraid of letting myself down," which I suspect is not quite what happened. I don't think Nick is really the "shut up, old man" type.
Robot soccer! Nick and Don enter and survey the place, which is set up with these tables that look kind of like foosball tables, you know? Only they have a soccer "field," and there are robots running around on them. And I am officially explaining this worse than Andy Rooney would. Seriously, you guys, I'm really tired. "Are they going to show us how to do it?" Nick asks. "Play!" the ref yells. "No, I guess not," Nick observes. Heh. They do have a little sheet showing what the different buttons do, and Nick uses it to teach himself quickly how to do the basic functions with the robot. Don interviews that he's nothing at videogames -- he loses to his grandkids every time. Believe me, Don, it's possible to lose to small children, even at things other than videogames. Which I am currently learning while locked in a Scrabulous battle with my Music Stylist's son, who is six years old. In my defense, he is almost seven. Incidentally, I hereby launch my personal protest that "MUNS" is an allowed Scrabble word. Aside from perhaps being a portmanteau couple name to be used in fanfic in which muffins fall in love with guns, I do not get it. Not totally on topic, I realize.
Jen reports that all the sniffing is making her lightheaded. And not in the Jeff Conaway sense. She interviews that she looked up in a kind of a fog and thought she might have hallucinated herself into "a Pink Floyd music video." Nate laughs, and...yeah, I'll give her that one; that's a little funny. Upstairs, Ron and Chris are setting up their method of searching for the flower. Nate grows tired of Jen and says to her, "Be quiet and smell! All I hear of you is talking!" I know a few people to whom "Be quiet and smell! All I hear of you is talking!" wouldn't be a bad thing to say. Kind of resigned, kind of rebellious. Oh, just stink already, but don't yammer on top of it.
Nick's robot manipulation takes a huge turn for the better when he figures out that pressing the "0" button causes the robot to get up. Aha! With the defender seriously not working very hard, Nick manages to scoot the ball into the net and score a goal. So now, he just needs to take Grandpa through it.
TK and Rachel are in the cab on the way to the temple. TK tells us, once again, that he has absolutely no idea whether they're way ahead or way behind or what. Wait, what was that, TK? You have no idea? Whether you're ahead or behind? I am shocked!
Nate and Jen bail on the downstairs flowers and hit the upstairs flowers. We get exactly the same "holy shnikies"/"oh...my...gosh" exchange that we heard when they came in downstairs the first time, which certainly sounds like it's a product of the laziest editing of all time. ("Um, I need a sound to lay over this clip. Like maybe an expression of surprise. What have we got?" "Uhhh...they acted surprised five minutes ago." "Okay, that's fine. Give me that.") When the real flower doesn't immediately reveal itself, Jen declares that they should have done the other Detour. Nate disagrees. Ron and Chris continue sniffing.
Robots. Nick gives Don step-by-step instructions, as Don voices over that he's "low-tech," while Nick is more "high-tech." The robot falls down! The robot falls down! The robot falls down! And now, let us watch it together, four thousand times, in slow motion, until we remember it as well as we remember That Thing With Joe Theismann's Leg.
Jen thinks she smells a flower. They root around for a while, and finally, they select a flower that they take to the shop owner. They are correct, and Jen happily jumps up and down as they receive their clue. Ten up top! Everything's good! For now! The clue sends them by taxi to Tempozan Park, which is the pit stop for the leg. As Jen and Nate run for a cab, she insists that this will be their time. This will be the time they will get first place.
Ron and Chris, seemingly unsure whether anyone is nearby and thus whispering unnecessarily, find a real flower and go for the shop owner. They get their clue, and since Nate and Jen are still outside hunting for a cab they can communicate with enough to ensure that the cab can find the park, Nate and Jen are risking that you-know-what placement once again. Have I mentioned that the florist has green hair? Green like Easter grass? She does. I don't know. Ron and Chris are seen getting into a cab while Nate and Jen are still looking. This will not make Jen happy. "This is so not good," she says.
After commercials, we return to Nate and Jen's hunt for a cab. They find a guy eventually who agrees to talk to their driver for them. A cab pulls up, and the guy explains that they're trying to get to Tempozan Park. As they get in the cab, Nate sort of overeagerly claps her on the back as she's jumping in, and when she's seated, she decides to carry on about being pushed, which...seriously, despite the way they put the hysterical sound effect in there the second he touches her, she tumbles into the cab because she's tumbling into the cab; there's no force, which is why he immediately protests that he didn't push her. Appealing to reason, however, is unlikely to work. And in fact, when he says he didn't push her, she just pouts into the clue, which isn't what she'd do if she really believed he'd hurtfully shoved her.
In the Ron and Chris cab, she tells him that he's "been great all day," and he hasn't been losing his temper at all. She says they can make this the first leg where he didn't lose his temper -- not counting, I guess, the freak-out about the taxi driver dropping them off at the wrong place. In the Nate and Jen cab, he's still protesting that he didn't push her, other than to sort of urge her into the cab. Seriously, it wasn't violent -- it was hurried if anything, so I don't know why they're even still arguing about this. She's all pouty, like, "That can cost us," which he points out that it...can't. Which is true. I don't think she's going to have to stop off at the hospital to have her bitchface treated. He asks her to "stop being so negative."
Robots. Don scores a goal! They get the pit stop clue. Don says in an interview that he doesn't think he could have done it with anyone else. They grab a cab to the pit stop. Nick tells Don he thinks this will be another less-than-great day that they'll nevertheless survive. I think they are smelling the non-elimination leg coming from a mile away, in addition to suspecting that TK and Rachel are...not ahead of them.
Ron and Chris! Nate and Jen! Approaching the park! Ron and Chris's driver needs directions! Phil is at the mat! And there's not even any real buildup this time; it's just Ron and Chris running up to the mat and learning, to their great joy, that they're team number one. And they win a pair of electric vehicles that are environmentally safe! Christina happily reports to Phil that her dad didn't lose his temper one time! Except for that one time! She says Ron is getting much better, and she actually had a good time with them not arguing. She reports in an interview that getting along helped them come in first. Ron wants them to be "cohesive."
Nate and Jen check in second. No electric vehicles for them. "It is on," Jen swears in an interview, regarding the fact that they still did not come in first. "The best team's going to finish last, and that's going to be Jen and I," Nate vows. Jen looks at him, and the needle-scratch sound effect is put to use. Nate clarifies that he means they'll finish FIRST on the last LEG. Good one, genius.
Welcome, Nick and Don, you are team number three. Phil asks them if they think they can win, and they say they think they can, though Don admits he was tired. Don points out that he'll be 69 soon -- hee hee -- and that he's "45 years older than just about everybody," which is true other than...Ron, who's 58. But still! Don says he's going to do all he can to keep them in the running for the million dollars.
The music grows sad. TK and Rachel go through the tasks. They start talking about how they had this great experience, and they really love each other, and the tinkly piano plays, and you are really meant to think this is the end of them. She does the taxi ride; they do the flowers; she talks about the way he cleansed her life of negativity; he's a beam of light. He says they like to be themselves, and they're still strong together, and it speaks of the way "this was meant to be."
Welcome, TK and Rachel. You are last. But you are not eliminated! You will face a Speed Bump in the leg. Phil mentions that at this point, they're about three hours behind, so it's probably major bunching or bust.
Executive Producer? Jerry Bruckheimer.
week: Who makes the final three? Do TK and Rachel catch up, given Jen's comment about ripping the dreads from his head? Will Christina scheme to get other teams denied flights? We will just have to see.