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The dumbest season continues apace in mainland China, where the teams are faced with the highest building to jump from in the history of the race. Before they can do this, however, they run into a Yield, which Danny and Oswald agree to use if the BQs give them some money. The BQs take them up on it, choosing to have Eric and Pink Yielded for forty-five dollars. The remainder of the episode consists of Danny and Oswald moaning over making this deal, Danny and Oswald getting lost in the rain, Danny and Oswald contemplating their "karma," Eric threatening violence, and Mirna becoming more abusive and crazy -- even to Charla, which is new. The Detour involves a semi-obscene noodle-making machine that brings out the energetic rider in Kandice and the whining brat in Mirna, as well as the horrible navigation task that screws over Danny and Oswald. It's depressing, but Danny and Oswald are racing so poorly throughout the leg that the fact that they're falling farther and farther behind seems to be no one's fault but their own. And it isn't because of their karma, either; it's because they're letting a bad cab driver go all over the place without stopping to fix the problem. Finally, the BQs surge ahead and finish the leg, followed by Eric and Pink, who have to serve a half-hour penalty left over from the last leg. Mirna and Charla come in about halfway through Eric and Pink's penalty time, so Danny and Oswald have about fifteen minutes to get there. They don't, so Eric and Pink check in third, and Danny and Oswald are last. But! They are not eliminated, because we are getting -- yes, indeed -- the second consecutive non-elimination leg. So there will be an elimination week, presumably, and then the week after that will be the finale, so get yourself some popcorn. It should be...come to think of it, it should be a finale I'm very unlikely to enjoy. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Previously on To Err Is Human; To Yield, Not So Much: In Hong Kong, the BQs decided to use the Yield allotted to them by the rules, which caused the other three teams to conclude that they were obviously willing to do anything within the rules in order to win. This was considered quite shocking. A succession of Hong Kong stereotypes challenged the teams to more kicking, laundry-visiting, and stunt-car-flipping than you can shake a pair of nunchucks at, although none of them chose the "Hey, Chinese Isn't Even Made From Letters!" Detour option. Ultimately, Eric and Pink limped across the finish line in last place, but they were non-eliminated, meaning that they will have to serve a thirty-minute penalty unless they manage to come in first. Who will be eliminated ?
Credits. The credits now merely serve as a reminder of how much better this race would have been if different teams had stuck around. [SIGH.]
Hong Kong. Phil assures us that it is an incredibly important city. I'm still waiting for the episode that's like, "Welcome to [name of city], which once was a bustling cultural mecca and center of commerce, but now features mostly empty malls and excitable gangs of monkeys." In the center of the "thriving metropolis," we find ourselves at the Hong Kong Jockey Club, which was the pit stop for this leg of the race. Phil wonders whether the marked-for-elimination Eric and Pink can keep themselves in the race, and then he tells us how Oswald and Danny arrived first and won an incredibly amazing package from Travelocity that was so cool that we have to mention it again. In fact, we have to watch them researching their good fortune on the internet and saying, literally, "Thanks, Travelocity." And the thanks are captioned, in case you missed the part where the contestant loves the sponsor. There's little more they could do, other than declare Gnome Night and superimpose a gnome head over every contestant for an entire hour. And make all the captions temporarily say "Danny & Oswald: Gnomes And Best Friends." "Dustin & Kandice: Beautiful Gnomes." (I think we'll leave it there before I get myself in trouble.) It's interesting, considering what will occur in this episode, that Danny and Oswald seem to be sharing their good news and excitement with the BQs. Who are evil, as you know and will continue to learn.
3:41 AM. Oswald and Danny. The clue tells them to take a TurboJet ferry Macau. Phil explains that this trip to mainland China is 40 miles by ferry -- so, not a quickie ride, exactly. (Although "TurboJet" is the name of the company and not, as I was hoping, a description of the way the ferry will rise up out of the water and travel, airborne, on a cloud of smoke. When they get to Macau, they'll find a guy with a rickshaw who will give them their clue. Danny and Oswald find that they're getting $73 for the leg, which is an issue for them, owing to their tight finances. Oswald insists in an interview that he and Danny have been "incredibly fair" in their dealings with other teams. I'm not sure I consider trying to jump one team above other teams in a standby line, as happened last week, to be "incredibly fair" if you're going to get into what's "incredibly fair" and what isn't, but...I don't really care about all that in the first place. In the cab, they discuss the fact that they really are quite short of cash, so they have to be really careful. They arrive at the ferry terminal and pay their driver, then they head down the stairs to where the ferry supposedly is. They pay about $50 just for their ferry tickets, so that's not a good thing right there. "Are we allowed to prostitute ourselves on the race?" Oswald wonders as they get on the boat. Several thousand people of all genders and persuasions write letters to CBS to argue that this is the best rule change ever suggested.
5:23 AM. Dustin and Kandice. In an interview, Dustin explains that until they make it to the final three, they're racing "like [they're] in last place." She adds: "It's almost like wild animals fighting for food." Yeah...almost. When they start tearing out each other's throats, you'll know we're reaching the end. At the ferry terminal, they're hoping that Oswald and Danny haven't caught their ferry yet, but...of course, they did. They get tickets, hoping that they can get themselves a bit of a lead.
Elsewhere, Oswald and Danny get off the ferry at the other end and immediately see the rickshaw guy. He hands them their clue, which says to take a taxi to "the tallest structure in Macau." Phil explains that they now have to "figure out" that the tallest structure is the Macau Tower. They'll take a taxi there, then search inside for another clue. Oh, and? "Caution: Yield Ahead." Phil explains that this is the second of the two Yields. Blah blah, make another team wait, blah blah. Oswald tells their cab driver that they have to find a place with something to jump from, so I don't think he's in too much suspense about what it is they're looking for, here. Either he anticipates the upcoming Roadblock, or Oswald is taking the stress of the race harder than I thought. The guy tells them they want the Macau Tower, and they take off. Oswald explains in the taxi that if they Yield anyone, it would be the team right behind them. Which is, of course, the opposite of good Yield strategy, but also the most tempting thing if you're looking at racing in a particularly nervous manner. They say, though, that in general, they're not planning to use the Yield at all.
The BQs are now on a ferry as well, and they say that they're glad to be alone, since ferries have a bad history of turning into huge bunching points. Danny and Oswald, meanwhile, get to Macau Tower and learn that it doesn't open until 10:00 AM. So that really is a bunching point. Dustin and Kandice get off the ferry and get the rickshaw clue. When they hear that there's a Yield coming, they're kind of concerned, given the "dirty hookers"-style reaction they got from using it last time. They get the information on Macau Tower, and in the cab, Dustin says that she senses that maybe they're going to be Yielded. I have the same sense.
7:06 AM. Mirna and Charla. As they head off the mat, Mirna interviews that there are actually people who think that she should treat Charla in a special way because she's short, but she just treats Charla in a regular way. As you will see in certain parts of this episode, she's telling the complete truth. She treats Charla in exactly the same way she treats cab drivers and ticket agents, not to mention other contestants. No favoritism, no fuss. Mirna assures us that while other teams probably see her as "a tyrant," she's just trying to win. And you can't win without berating your partner, DUH. I did briefly thrill to the idea that Charla would get to the ferry and do another round of her pantomime explanation of "amigo, we need to go to the ferry." That would make Mrs. Music Stylist the happiest lady in America. But no, they go to the terminal and get on the boat without incident, international or otherwise. Mirna says that they should get their "barf bags ready, just in case." I'm sorry, the joke is just too obvious. It's like stepping on a bug.
Danny and Oswald are standing around at Macau Tower, stressing about the amount of money that they have. Or, really, that they don't have. Oswald says they only had $73, and they spent $50 on the ferry and more for cabs, so they're in fairly desperate need of cash. Just then, Dustin and Kandice show up. They start to chat amicably with the boys, and Oswald is "teasing" about the guys being in front of them, while Danny "mock"-threatens that they're going to Yield the BQs. Of course, this has the effect of reminding the BQs that Danny and Oswald could, in fact, Yield them, and it might not be all that funny. Remember, Danny and Oswald did, in fact, say in the cab that they if they Yielded anyone, it would be Dustin and Kandice. And they did, in fact, merely note that they didn't think they'd "need" to use the Yield -- and that was before they lost a lead of an hour and a half. I kind of think that they want to Yield someone anyway, because they're concerned about having lost their entire lead. Oswald says to the BQs, "We have a little offer on the Yield." Oswald explains that they're broke, and they need money, and in exchange for money, they'll Yield whomever the BQs want. It kind of feels like something comes before this, though, because of the way Oswald says "we'll Yield whoever you want." It's like a name has already been put out, and Oswald is qualifying by saying it can be anyone. But I could be making that up. My mind is sometimes almost as creative as Mirna's. The BQs have a chat in which they discuss whether or not to take this deal.
Mirna and Charla get off the ferry and get the clue from the rickshaw guy. They get the lead on Macau Tower and take off.
Back at the tower, the BQs decide that they do have enough money to pay Oswald and Danny to Yield someone -- someone else, which is kind of the point. In deciding whom to choose, they talk about whether they'd rather have Eric and Pink in the final three or Charla and Mirna. They're thinking Eric and Pink are stronger competition, although I'm not sure the facts bear that out, entirely. Kandice feels like it's weird in some way to Yield the same team twice. There also has to be the pull of the fact that it would be infinitely more satisfying on a personal level to Yield Charla and Mirna, no? Maybe it would just be infinitely more satisfying to me. Although I think I'd have to accompany it with a pie in the face in order for it to be truly satisfying. They talk about the fact that "the Yield is a tool to be used in the game." They are totally not getting the fact that the Yield is actually a test of your moral fiber, much like whether you do or do not collect rent when people land on your properties in Monopoly (thanks, EEFPs, for that analogy).
Oswald, meanwhile, is telling Danny that he's just sick over doing this. Danny assures him it's not a big deal, but Oswald continues to fret. As the BQs discuss the final decision, Dustin says that paying Danny and Oswald to Yield Eric and Pink is really paying Danny and Oswald not to Yield them. They head over to Danny and Oswald and make the deal, and Danny is so happy to have the money that he's jumping up and down. "Now, we officially are the Yield Queens," laughs Kandice. Heh. You can tell that little insult really got to her. "I'm not happy," Oswald sniffs. I'm not happy either, although for different reasons, I'm pretty sure.
9:31 AM. Eric and Pink. Eric says that he's not happy about the fact that they're working their way up from the bottom. Pink reminds everyone of their "marked for elimination" situation, and how they're going to have a half-hour penalty if they don't come in first. They head for the ferry. I am just overwhelmed, when it comes to this team, by how much I don't care. I feel like if I wanted to see fifty people just like them, I'd just go to L.A. and sit in a juice bar for fifteen minutes.
Mirna and Charla get to the tower and find everyone standing around. Mirna has her hair all curled and big today, and Kandice comments on how nice it looks. Of course, Mirna says "Thaaaanks" in this "fuck you, bitch" kind of way, which makes sense, because when evil people compliment your hair, you really have to stand up for yourself. As the teams stand around, Dustin notices a poster advertising "the world's highest Skyjump" here at the tower. She's thinking that's probably a hint about what's to come. Meanwhile, on the ferry, Eric and Pink are gearing up for their big effort to catch up, which has already been facilitated by the enormous bunching that's happening here at the immediate start of the leg, which is a fairly foolproof way to rob your "marked for elimination" thing of most of its meaning.
At 10:00 AM, the tower opens, and the three teams waiting rush inside. They grab numbers, and the BQs manage to get the first number, followed by Danny and Oswald, followed by Mirna and Charla. But as it turns out, they can't actually go up the tower until 11:00, so they have to stand around for another hour. During that hour, Charla asks Danny and Oswald if they need money. She mentions that she and Mirna don't have much, but they'd be happy to spare a little. Oswald says that Charla will just have to believe him that they managed to get some money back. And you can kind of already tell that he's assuming this position where it's a major setback that they've abandoned their principles, blah blah blah. The BQs observe this little powwow going on from a distance, and they wonder whether there's something shady going on. They agree that all they can do is hope Oswald and Danny stick to what they said they were going to do. I find it amusing that they suspect Oswald of double-dealing when he's actually in the process of trying to cosmically undo the dealing that he already did.
Eric and Pink get their clue at the rickshaw.
The BQs, Charla and Mirna, and Danny and Oswald take the elevator up together. At the top, Oswald rushes out and gets to the Yield box first, which...I'm not sure how that goes with the BQs having the first number from downstairs. It looks like there are new numbers at the top of the elevator, which makes no sense to me. Why wouldn't you just have the numbers at the top be the numbers for the task and the numbers for the Yield? Why are the numbers from downstairs the ones you receive first but use second? Anyway, Danny and Oswald Yield Eric and Pink. They sort of hesitate, saying they're not even sure what the procedure is, and the BQs are all, "Oh, let us show you," which is pretty funny and yet another indication that they really aren't being too badly affected by the efforts to insult them for using the Yield.
Mirna lectures in an interview that the Yield wasn't "necessary," because at the beginning of a leg, the team is guaranteed to just catch up and so forth. Which is bullshit, obviously, given that there aren't always bunching points that are going to eat leads -- in fact, there's nothing from this point forward in this episode that would cause a Yield-created delay to evaporate. You will see at the end of this episode that Yielding here was completely rational and appropriate. Besides, you don't get to decide when the Yield comes. It's true that it would be better if it were later in the leg, but it's the last one. They're not going to offer you a better one; there's not much point in holding out. What I love is that her entire argument is that you wouldn't Yield a team when they're "not that far behind" and they "could catch up and pass you at any moment." Wouldn't that be...exactly when you'd use a Yield? And exactly when it would be necessary? I wonder sometimes whether she listens to anything she says, because if she does, that might be why she frequently seems confused.
So the teams get past the Yield sign and go to the clue box, and the clue (for which Dustin and Kandice are now Team One again, from the number downstairs) is a Roadblock. Phil says that this will be the highest jump in the history of the show. The Roadblocker will put on safety gear (duh) and then walk around the outside of the observation deck. And then they'll jump off and fall 660 feet to the ground on a wire. This is the first thing I've ever really noticed Dustin blanching at, because she's notably like, "Um, I think you would be great at this," with this hint that it would be not such a good idea for Dustin herself to try to do it, lest it turn out to be a lot more terrifying than the swimsuit competition. Danny takes it for his team, and Charla takes it for hers. The Roadblockers suit up, and Charla good-naturedly comments on how the sleeves are short for everyone else and long for her, and Kandice good-naturedly laughs in return. I get the feeling that if you removed Mirna from the mix, the other five people currently in this front group would get along famously. She ruins all fun.
Eric and Pink grab a taxi to Macau Tower. Eric says in the cab that he's not too worried about being Yielded, and he figures that one of the other teams arrived at the Yield in time to Yield the BQs. That, of course, would not be dirty play, unlike the BQs' Yielding of him, which was totally dirty play. I have whiplash! I can barely keep up!
Kandice steps out onto the rim of the observation deck. As my best friend noted at this point, this is the part that would be much more horrible than the jumping, if you were afraid of heights. Inside, Charla is kind of glad that she doesn't have to go first. As she walks, Kandice tells us that this part is "more of a mind test than anything else." I always notice that Kandice has this way of narrating things to the camera when she's fairly obviously trying to straighten them out in her own head. Like, she really is kind of spazzing out, but if she keeps talking, she doesn't have to think too much. Down on the ground, Dustin is about as freaked as I've ever seen her, tearing up a little bit as she watches Kandice all the way up there. Maybe she's afraid that having used the Yield by proxy will cause a wind gust to come and blow Kandice off the side of the building. Karma, you know. Danny starts his deck walk as well, and he looks pretty unfazed. And then Charla leaves, and she's really booking, even as she says that she's being blown around by the wind. I like the part where Charla's like, "I have never done anything like this in my whole entire life." Because it's kind of obvious, given how many of us similarly have never walked around the edge of a tower wearing safety gear, and yet it's really cute.
Now, Kandice changes into jumping gear, which turns out to be different from walk-the-deck gear. Maybe something with wind resistance? Anyway, she verifies with her safety guy that it's really okay to jump off the building, even when it's windy, which is exactly what I was thinking. I think just like a Miss America contestant! And then she jumps, grinning the whole time. This isn't a straight jump, in the sense that they're kind of lowering you, but it's still damn high. When Kandice is on solid ground, Dustin runs over and hugs her so hard that it knocks her attached body-cam off. Aw. Asked by Oswald whether she loved it, Kandice lowers her voice and says she thought she might "crap [her] pants." Ladies and gentlemen, Miss New York! They receive a clue that tells them to take a taxi to Lo Lim Ioc Garden, where they'll search the garden for a clue. In the first example of a pattern you'll see repeated throughout the leg, they leave just as Eric and Pink are arriving at the tower.
Oswald is now explaining to Mirna about the deal he and Danny made with the BQs. He clearly tells her that he and Danny offered to take money for a Yield. Mirna tells Oswald that she and Charla would have given him money -- not that she says how much, and Charla specifically said they didn't have that much when she was offering before -- and then she interviews that she was "disappointed" at this, which is tantamount to making a "deal with the devil." Not surprising, of course, that Satan's own ambassador would see it that way.
Eric and Pink get to the tower and take the elevator to the top. He tells her that if it's a Roadblock, then she can do it. She says that she's "a little nervous," probably because they're going up so high. When they get off the elevator, they're stunned to see that they've been Yielded again -- by Danny and Oswald. Burn!
We take a break, and when we come back, Pink is bitching about how "ridiculous" it is for them to be Yielded, and how she can't understand why anyone would do this. Apparently, she hadn't considered the fact that from a strict protect-yourself-from-elimination perspective, you always Yield the last-place team. Eric shrieks at Danny that he's got something for him, and of course, it turns out to be the finger. The finger! How would anyone respond to such a piercing criticism? Danny might have to stick his thumbs in his ears and waggle his fingers. Elsewhere, Oswald is telling the camera once again how bad he feels, how much he didn't want to use the Yield, flibbety-floo. He does add that "it was in the spirit of the game," but I'm not sure his heart's in that as much as it rightly should be.
Elsewhere, the BQs talk about the fact that Eric and Pink are probably really bummed at being Yielded again. Hey, I'm sure they're taking it like good sports and not big crybabies. Nothing to worry about.
Danny jumps off the building. They share a little smooch, Oswald calls him "Danny the jumping bean," and they're off. Of the instruction that they travel by taxi, Oswald notes, "It's a good thing we have money." In the cab, Danny describes the Yield thing as "bad karma versus no money." I like their definition of "karma" less and less, I have to say. I must have a honkload of bad karma floating around, just from all the times I bluffed at nickel-dime-quarter poker in law school. (Note: I was terrible at poker. TERRIBLE. Maybe I am too moral to pull it off.)
Back at the Yield, Eric and Pink continue to cool their heels. Eric bitches in an interview that they started out being all trusting, and they were so mad that it didn't pay off. "I have no respect for Danny and Oswald anymore," Eric says. This is a little bit like Paul Williams calling you "shorty."
Charla jumps off the building. She and Mirna finish and get going, and in the cab, Mirna totally bullshits Charla about the Yield thing. Basically, Mirna claims that Oswald told her that the BQs "convinced" him and Danny to Yield Eric and Pink for money. Which is ridiculous, because Oswald told her that they offered. Not that I expect her to tell the truth, I guess. "Sometimes, people just don't realize the Yield backfires on you." Unlike lying through your teeth, I guess, which typically turns out fine.
The BQs' taxi seems a bit lost. Oswald tells us that he and Danny are relaxed and calm, but not "lax" or anything. The BQs climb in another cab, and while I don't think this is what's causing the difficulty, I hope that they're figuring out that it's not "Lo Lim Loc Gardens," but "Lo Lim Ioc Gardens." Damn sans serif clue fonts. This literally confuses every team for the entire day -- I don't think there's one correct pronunciation.
Finally, Eric and Pink's Yield sand runs out, and they proceed to the Roadblock clue box. Eric winds up taking it after all, so he proceeds out onto the ledge to do the walk. Eric walks, tries to act cool, blah blah. Pink talks about how, just that morning, they were talking about how this could be their last leg. YES, PLEASE. Eric jumps. He lands safely. I'm indifferent. They get the clue for the gardens and take off. In the taxi, Eric talks about how they're trying to make up time, and about how Danny and Oswald are "cowards." Because a brave person is one who lets other people in a race catch up with him. I think that's from Eastern philosophy.
Over in Danny and Oswald's cab, Oswald explains that if they hadn't made the deal with the BQs, they would be out of money and wouldn't necessarily have even finished the leg. Everybody's taxis seem to be on the way now, despite the earlier navigation issues and the complication introduced by the driving rain. First to arrive at the gardens, as it turns out, are Oswald and Danny. They note the beautiful gardens, as well as the fact that there's no time to literally stop and smell the roses. They find a clue box and pull out a clue for a Detour. Phil explains that the choice is between "two traditions of Macau." No cutesy names this time -- just Noodle and Dragon. I do love hearing Phil say, "In 'Noodle...'" I could listen to Phil say "in noodle" all day, for reasons I don't understand. Anyway, in Noodle, you find a building and "choose a noodle-making station." (It's all gold, really.) You "use traditional methods to flatten the dough," which turns out to mean that you...how do I even say this? You straddle a big heavy pole that's rigged to bounce up and down on the dough and flatten it out. Then you cut it into noodles, and you're done. I'm fascinated by the bouncy pole and wonder if it was invented by lonely women, because otherwise, wouldn't a simple rolling pin be easier? Maybe I'm missing something. Anyway, in Dragon, you go a mile to a warehouse and choose a dragon head and a drum, and you carry them three-quarters of a mile through town to a dock. At the dock, you attach your dragon head to a boat. This task does not involve intimacy with poles, making it inherently inferior, if you are Paul Verhoeven.
Danny and Oswald pick the Dragon, and they explain that they have past experience with doing well on dragon-related Detours. Aw! "I'm window shopping!" One of the things that I think they didn't necessarily account for is that this "navigate through the streets" stuff is really much more stressful and difficult when it's pouring rain. At least that's the way it always feels to me, as my glasses cover with rain over and over again. But at any rate, they get in their cab and give the address to the driver. The BQs get to the garden , and they pull the clue and choose Noodle. ("Choose Noodle" is my great bumper sticker or T-shirt idea.) In the cab, they talk about how they can do well at this if they just concentrate and go methodically. They're not nearly hysterical enough to be on this show; they're really not. Charla and Mirna arrive , and they also pick the noodles.
Oswald and Danny's driver does not appear to be quite sure where he's going, and while Oswald is telling himself not to get frustrated, he's clearly getting frustrated.
Eric and Pink get to the garden, but as they run, she falls down flat on her face, complete with record-scratching sound effect. Eric laughs, "Get up! You're fine! Come on, gimpy!" The odd thing is that right there, he showed more affection for her than he has for the rest of the race, if you ask me. "I'm gonna punch you," she says. That's the spirit, Pink! If they were like this all the time, I might believe they were actually dating. They pick the noodles, and Eric says in their cab that he hopes they can just get done with it quickly.
Danny and Oswald's cab. Oswald: "God, grant me the patience to withstand the things I cannot change. And the intelligence to hide the body of this man once I'm done killing him." Okay, if Oswald is looking for suggestions, I think burying the body actually would cause him to be the victim of bad karma.
The BQs make it to Noodle. When they see the guy straddling the pole and bouncing up and down on it, they're a bit taken aback, but then they can only crack up. Kandice rides the pole, and as she bounces up and down, she keeps cracking herself up, which is...come on. It's all you can do. It's bouncing up and down on a pole. "Ride the pony!" Dustin calls out. It's pretty funny, mostly because of the attitude they're bringing to it. It's pretty much that or fake an orgasm, it seems to me, and Meg Ryan kind of ruined the second one for everyone.
Oswald and Danny are totally lost. Oswald gets out of the cab. They actually spot the Detour end point, meaning that they're at the end of the thing and not the beginning. If it were me, I wouldn't get back in the cab. It's three-quarters of a mile through the city between end and start -- I'd tell the driver to get lost and start walking, just asking people on the street where I need to be. Grabbing everyone by the collar if necessary. Instead, they finally find someone who looks at the clue and helps explain it to their driver that they need to be at the other end of the thing. Back in the cab, Oswald says, "Right now, we're in a deep, deep valley, with no light, no sun, no water, nothing." "Oh, no, there's plenty of water," Danny corrects, noting the driving rain. Heh.
The BQs have flattened their noodle (I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING) and now, it's time to roll it up and cut it. Mirna and Charla are pulling up outside, so they need to haul. But when they have their noodles checked by a professional (as you should do once a year), they find that the noodles are too thick and won't be accepted. As Mirna and Charla get started, Kandice again rides the pole. (Not like that.) (Has any challenge ever brought out my fundamentally infantile sense of humor quite like this combination of pole-bouncing and the word "noodle"? I think not.)
Oswald and Danny finally arrive at the beginning of the Dragon option. Danny picks up the head; Oswald picks up the drum. They leave. Outside, they try to ask their cab driver where to find the lake mentioned in their clue, and he has no idea. I really don't know why they keep on with this guy. Danny insists that they can just go, because he knows how to get there. Uh-oh. Danny is being assertive again. Last time, that didn't end well. We'll see. So that they'll have a cab available when they're done, Oswald tells the driver to follow them, and he's plum out of patience at this point.
So now Kandice is still bouncing on the pole, and Mirna is bouncing on it for her team, too. In an interview, Kandice talks about how insane Charla and Mirna looked doing this, and...indeed, Charla is actually up on the counter, complete with putting her feet and shoes all over everything, as they roll out their dough. I'll have the noodles without the sneaker prints, thanks. "Hold the dough while I'm doing it, so it stretches," Mirna orders. Charla complies. She holds it with her hands rather than just stepping on it, so I do appreciate that nod to hygiene. Dustin and Kandice focus on cutting the noodles as finely as they possibly can. Eric and Pink are on their way, and Eric is just hoping that everyone is sucking wind at the noodle factory, so that he can get ahead. The second time that the BQs present their noodles, they're successful, so they finally get to leave. Charla is now walking around on the food prep counter. Bleh. The BQs receive a clue that tells them to go to a particular street and find a little car that looks like a toy, meaning that it could potentially place the BQs in a very Mattel place, visually speaking. The BQs take off.
Eric and Pink are nearing the noodle factory. They cross paths with the BQs. Eric bounces on the pole inside as Mirna gets more and more bitchy with Charla about staying out of the way while she does everything. As Mirna cuts the noodles, Charla tells her once to cut them "thicker" and once that they should be "not too thin." Eric starts cutting. Mirna takes her noodles to be examined (I've thought she needed to do this for years, frankly) and she learns that they are too thick. Of course, she immediately starts yelling at Charla right there on the spot about how it's her fault. Sarcastically, she's all, "Good job, 'make it thicker,' good job." You know, you spend thirty years writing various things, and when you most need them, words fail you, and all you can think to say is: "Bitch." As Eric bundles up his noodles, Mirna rolls the dough out again while continuing to berate Charla over how all she was supposed to do was "observe" what Mirna was doing, and to observe correctly. Perfection is her cross to bear, man.
Oswald and Danny are still walking, and Oswald is becoming skeptical that Danny actually knows where he's going, even though Danny insists that he does. They're getting bedraggled and upset, and this is where Dragon is a much more unfortunate option than it would be in better weather. Danny tells us that Oswald doesn't trust him, and Oswald insists that he does. I feel like I'm having a touch of déjà vu, no?
Eric and Pink's noodles are approved. "That's ridiculous," mutters either Mirna or Charla. Mirna starts to pointedly explain why this is all Charla's fault, even though she's the one who cut the noodles wrong: "It would be helpful if one partner just observed and got the right observations," she complains as she keeps bouncing up and down on the pole, "so the other partner doesn't have to kill themselves." "Yeah, I guess so," Charla mutters, clearly going on autopilot so she doesn't stuff a wad of dough down Mirna's throat. Mirna undoubtedly chalks this up as a victory in her head, because she can't tell the difference between beating someone in an argument and making them so bored and sick of you that they decide to offer rote responses in the hopes that you'll get bored and go away. In Eric and Pink's cab, he's talking about how they just left Charla and Mirna at the Detour, so he doesn't know how much time they've made up, but it's clearly a decent amount.
Oswald and Danny are really lost now, walking around, and they've lost their taxi, too. They stop to ask someone, and they don't get much love. Oswald can't hold back anymore, and he points out that Danny said he knew where they were going, and apparently, he didn't, quite. Oh, pain.
After a set of commercials, we return to find everyone unfortunately still lost. Eventually, they catch up with their cab driver, of all people, and he points them toward the water. Hey, he's been reliable so far!
The BQs are talking on their way to the stop about how they figure Danny and Oswald did the other task, so there's no way to know where they might be, but the BQs are figuring that they're in second place. They get to the mini-Mokes, which they refer to as looking "like a little Barbie car." Hey, that's just what I said! The clue tells them to drive to the island of Taipa, where they'll look for the pit stop. Phil explains that this is about a five-mile drive, and then you have to find Triho de Taipa Pequeña 2000, where the pit stop will be found. I must say that "Taipa Pequeña 2000" sounds suspiciously like a piece of motocross equipment. A very small piece of motocross equipment, of course, but a piece nevertheless. Last team to check in "may" be eliminated.
Dustin comments as she gets into the car that she's never really driven anything like this before, so it may take some adjusting. Among other things, the stick is on the other side, because (duh) so is the steering wheel.
Eric and Pink are praying that Charla and Mirna don't get finished with their noodles anytime soon.
Cut to Charla and Mirna -- and Charla is still walking around on the counter, blech. She and Mirna start bickering again as Mirna goes to cut the noodles again, because of course, Mirna blames Charla and can't let it go. In an interview, Charla basically says she gets that it was wrong, but that she thought she was giving the right information. Mirna smirks and explains, as you would when talking about a child or a pet, how obvious it was that Charla was wrong. "Obviously, it's wrong, so just accept it and move on," she lectures Charla pointedly. "We're not all perfect, like some people," Charla counters even more sharp-pointedly. They finally get finished with the noodles. They get in their cab and go.
This puts Danny and Oswald "Currently In Last Place." And they're still lost, and Oswald once again brings up the fact that Danny claimed to know where he was going when they left. And now, apparently...not so much. Things are not going well. I really can't afford to have them eliminated and reduce the odds of a team I enjoy winning to one in three.
The BQs pull into a gas station to ask directions to the island. They convince a guy on a motorcycle to lead them there. Eric and Pink, meanwhile, hop into their mini-Moke, having gotten all the way up to second place. They get a taxi to lead them to the island.
At long last, Danny and Oswald find the dock where the dragon boats are. They go down and fit their head to a boat. They receive a clue. They return to their same old hated cab driver, telling him in frustration that this clue should be easier for him, because it's apparently in Chinese. This is so unusual -- I'm not sure I've ever seen Oswald so short with a cab driver simply because of a communication problem, given that Oswald usually takes the burden of communication on the person not from the host country, you know? I smell a little bit of the famous killer fatigue here.
Dustin and Kandice feel like the mini-Moke could fall apart at any time, and this is the kind of thing that would actually be hardest for me in the race. Bungee jumping? No problem. Rickety vehicle? No, thank you. But their motorcycle guy has brought them to Taipa, so they seem to be in good shape from a navigation perspective, provided they don't soon wind up falling through the floor of their "car" and landing on the pavement. Eric is also doing okay in the little car, but he's expecting that other teams might not, with the tricky shift and stuff.
Speaking of which, Charla and Mirna flag down a taxi and get him to lead them to the island, but then Mirna actually has to drive the car, and this presents a problem. Mirna channels her insecurity about her inability to drive this particular car into an escalating harangue directed at Charla about how Charla should drive the car. And I really don't think Charla can drive the car, which gave this whole thing a nasty stench of her just trying to show up Charla by demanding that she do something and putting Charla in the position of saying that she can't do it. Even though Mirna says the seat comes forward, the fact remains that the car still isn't designed for Charla's dimensions. So, of course, Mirna drives off in the car and immediately hangs it up on the curb, having no idea how to get it free. Now she's blocking the road and can't even move her car, so people are building up behind her and honking madly, which is pretty fantastic, from my point of view. Maybe I'll start honking whenever she annoys me. HONK!
We go to commercials, and when we come back, we're still in the middle of Charla and Mirna's adventure trying to unhook their car from the curb. When they finally get going again, Mirna only has one thing to say: "It would be so helpful one day if you could drive the car." Because, of course, it has never occurred to Charla that it would be nice to be able to get in a standard car and drive it around. It has never occurred to Charla that her size is inconvenient until Mirna pointed out that Charla's size is inconvenient for her. I'm sure Charla's like, "Oh my God, I HAVE BEEN SO SELFISH."
At long last, Danny and Oswald arrive at the mini-Moke and retrieve the clue. They ask their same old loser cab driver to lead them to Taipa, and as they drive off in the tiny vehicle, which I think would feel to me like driving a souped-up golf cart down the interstate, Danny comments, "This is where I die." Heh.
Teams ask for directions. At the moment, the BQs and Eric and Pink are duking it out for first place. We cut to Phil and the mat and the greeter, and...and...it's the BQs heading up the stairs. They land on the mat in first place, and they're a little surprised, because they have no way of knowing (of course) what happened to Danny and Oswald. They each win a WaveRunner, and they're pretty psyched about that, for obvious reasons. Waves are for Running! The BQs confess to Phil that they paid Danny and Oswald to Yield Eric and Pink. At this, a hole opens in the earth, and they are transmitted to the pits of hell.
Speaking of whom, Eric and Pink are heading for the mat, and Eric is reminding her that they need to keep moving, because they have a penalty to wait out, in all likelihood. Indeed, when they reach the mat, Phil tells them that while they're the second team to get there, they'll have to wait for thirty minutes before he can check them in.
Charla and Mirna head for the pit stop. Eric fidgets and paces near the mat, and Pink says he's making her nervous. Oswald and Danny are following their cab, trying to find the right spot. Eric complains that the other teams are "sneaky and backstabbers," unlike him. Because he would never, for instance, cancel someone else's cab. As he and Pink are standing around, the BQs come out, and Pink gives them the shocking news that Eric and Pink were Yielded. Dustin says she's going to explain it. They explain how they were approached by Danny and Oswald, and Kandice says that she and Dustin told the guys that they'd pay them to Yield "somebody else but us." Of course, this may be a lie, or it may very well be the way the conversation started before the BQs were told to choose the team to Yield. To me, this isn't that big of a deal, even if she is lying, because...there were only two options for teams to Yield. It's not like Danny and Oswald made that offer never anticipating that it could affect Eric and Pink. It's not like they were chosen from a group of fifty teams, in which case who picked them out would be a fairly big deal. Once Dustin and Kandice admit that they paid for the Yield to be used, I'm not sure it matters all that much to any of these people who chose between Eric and Pink and Charla and Mirna. Eric continues to bitch about how he's going to throw Danny and Oswald off the roof, and Kandice points out that she's partially responsible, since she and Dustin paid Danny and Oswald to do it. Eric offers to throw her off, too. It's always the people most in need of being thrown off a roof who aren't thrown off a roof.
Danny and Oswald, driving. Charla and Mirna, driving. "Ay, dios mio!" Danny and Oswald are let out of their cab, but they're not at the right place. With a little more than fourteen minutes in penalty time remaining for Eric and Pink, Charla and Mirna check in as team number two. I think they expected to be last, kind of forgetting about the penalty, so they're pleased. More honking over the episode or two.
Danny and Oswald, searching for the right place. Now it looks like maybe they're on the wrong side of the island? I have to say, if it were me, I think I would have changed cab drivers somewhere along the line, since they haven't been able to communicate with this dude at all. In fact, I suspect that if this is karma, it has come in the form of this cab driver.
Eric and Pink are praying. With ten minutes left, he tells her grumpily that Danny and Oswald will show up in four minutes. Penalty time winds down; Danny and Oswald drive. Lather, rinse, repeat. Pink continues to pray after Eric thinks he sees a car, and then before you know it, their penalty time has expired, and they're able to check in. They're so happy that they actually hug. Thus touching each other! Voluntarily!
And...here come Danny and Oswald. You are the last team to arrive. But! This is a non-elimination leg, so you will be continuing to week, although you are marked for elimination. They look shocked and...not entirely glad. "That's lovely" from Oswald sounds a little bit sarcastic. Danny swears that they're happy -- they're just tired. As you would expect, we get a lot of talk here about how this is karma kicking them in the butt, and they had navigation problems as a cosmic consequence of using the Yield, which...I cannot stand.
We have a little montage of four teams all swearing they're going to win, and we are out.
Executive Producer: Jerry Bruckheimer.
week: Pink struggles. And Danny and Oswald struggle with being marked. And I pray that karma turns out to exist, meets Mirna, and throws water in her face.