Are You Sure This Is Safe?

Charla asks for mercy as she and Mirna cross the gorge. Mirna tells Charla to keep running, because "it might be a non-elimination." In my living room at this point, I said out loud, "Yeah, it is, as you know, but you're getting your money taken, at least, ha ha ha." I actually started thinking in my head about how good their odds would be of catching up in the next leg if they started out in Tanzania without any money.

They approach Phil on the mat. Charla is grinning. "You're the last team to arrive." And Charla stares at Phil with this obvious, expectant smile. She knows -- she knows -- it is non-elimination. She's waiting for, "The good news is..." Instead, she hears, "I'm sorry to tell you, you've both been eliminated from the race."

WHAAAAAAAT? I will tell you, even as Phil said, "I'm sorry to tell you," I expected some kind of a hook -- just kidding! Not really eliminated! Even after he said it, I was looking for the catch. But there is no catch. They are Philiminated. Mirna, of course, hugs Phil. Charla says they had "a great experience." "Charla," Phil says, "you wanted to prove something to other small people in the world, and you really did that." "I just wanted to prove to the world how much I can do," she says, crying. So if you think they made her say all that stuff? They didn't. I mean, I don't dislike or disagree with that sentiment at all, but it is hers. "And it's not easy when there's so much pointing down at you," she continues. "And always people thinking that you can't do it." You mean, like coffin-carrier drivers who think you can't run because your boneheaded partner runs up to them and says, "Small lady, not possible"? Those kinds of people? She goes on to say that she has to work "triple as hard" as "regular people." At certain particular things, this is obviously true. At other things, it's not true. She goes on about accomplishing your dreams and so forth, and then Phil totally flakes out by CRYING (oh, Phil, stay with me for five minutes without losing your composure, WOULD YOU PLEASE?) all over her about her "amazing spirit." Except for the bitchy parts, because those parts were less amazing.

Phil tries to throw a bone to Mirna (not in the way she wants, of course) by talking about what a great partner she was and all. Mirna doesn't even talk; it's all Charla saying she loves Mirna. Which is grand. And I'm really glad they're not going to be on the show anymore, because frankly, they were unpleasant. Not evil, not dirty, just unpleasant and unhappy about everyone else on the trip, and that's just not the kind of energy I particularly enjoy. Don't get me wrong -- Colin and Christie suck also. I would vote for them to go next. They won't, I don't think, but that would be my vote. All these people who have chosen to spend all their time bitching about each other? Yeah, they can all go home.

Executive producer? Jerry Bruckheimer.

Next week: Colin blows his stack, finally. Criminal!