Previously on Hey! It's That Uruguay!: The race exploded out of the gate at the Santa Monica Pier, complete with an opening injury that sent the valiant Jim to the hospital for 25 stitches, making him the first contestant to actually address the problem of being totally lame. When the flights out of LAX behaved unpredictably, there was some unexpected shuffling of the early leaders and early stragglers. Charla and Mirna were shocked that no one would help them win, while Dennis and Erika tried to nurture their early alliances to the point of ill-advised taxi sacrifices. Reading comprehension emerged as an acute problem, even more than being bitchy, which, on second thought, is more of a chronic ailment. The twin vices of meat and gambling went hand in hand as the teams made their way to the first pit stop, where the horrible Alison and Donny finished first and the far more pleasant Erika and Dennis took it on the chin. Who will be eliminated...? Oh, so they're going to be cagey, apparently.
Credits. Somebody has got to do away with those turn-to-the-camera shots. Those are horrible.
Serious drunken careening kicks things off this week as we fly like bats out of hell around Uruguay, which Phil reminds the non-atlas-owners among us is "on the east coast of South America." We zero in on Casa Pueblo, which Phil calls a "unique homestead built into the landscape by a local artist." I have to say, it's a good thing Styrofoam takeout containers didn't go out of style before the local artist responsible for this unique homestead had a chance to collect a few hundred thousand of them and melt them down, because otherwise, this effect would be hard to achieve. Phil reminds us that the Chlorofluorocarbon Palace was the first pit stop. Acoustic guitars kick in as we revisit the arrivals of last week, beginning with Alison and Donny (boooo!), and Phil explains that the "mandatory rest period" allows teams to -- that's right -- "eat, sleep, and mingle." In E/S/M news, it's interesting to see that Chip and Kami/Karli were apparently getting along fine at this point, anyway. Hating takes time to mature, but I'm telling you, once it gets going, it mellows like good cheese. After a dizzying blast of staccato shots, Phil speculates about whether Jim's knee injury will slow his team down, and whether Alison and Donny's obnoxious bickering will have any ill effects other than making the entire viewing audience want to paint them with Karo syrup and leave them chained together on an anthill, doomed to be relentlessly nibbled until they are reduced to a pair of skeletons, which would undoubtedly spend eternity blaming each other for how skinny they've gotten.
12:48 AM. Alison and Donny (boooo!). He rips the clue, which tells them to get into a marked car (marked with a red and yellow flag, not marked in the sense of "cursed," though their car will by definition be that as well) and drive to Montevideo, which Alison pronounces as if it were the last part of the sentence, "Did you remember to return that Full Monty video?" The clue then directs them to find the Shake Mega Disco. I immediately suspect that the Shake Mega Disco was named with the help of a special "Slang by Aunt Gladys" magnetic poetry kit. As Phil explains, when the teams get to the disco, they will have to search through all the people dancing, as well as "mountains of foam," to find inflatable globes that have clues hidden inside them. You have to pop the globes to get the clue. Um. Dear Task Planners: Ease up on the weed. Love, Miss Alli. Oh, and Phil would like you to know that the capital of Uruguay is 75 miles away, and it is called "mont-eh-vid-AY-oh," not that he thinks any of you are uncultured buffoons, Alison.
Alison and Donny jump into a red car. They pull out, with her driving, all the while protesting that she doesn't know where she's going. She tells him to find Montevideo on the map, and he tells her to shut up. That's pretty much the party line on Alison, no matter which party you're speaking of, including the party in my family's living room during this episode, which consisted of me, Miss Alli's Mom, Miss Alli's Dad, and Sister S. In an interview, Donny says that all the fighting is pushing him and Alison forward, because all they're doing is yelling at each other to go faster. Keep going with that theory, pumpkin. It's constructive criticism. "Yelling is kind of our way of communicating," Alison adds. Hey, it could be worse. They could throw bricks. Although I guess "worse" is relative. Alison adds that they're "still getting the job done," so there's nothing to worry about, I guess. I suppose they'd have to rethink if they suddenly stopped "getting the job done." I sure hope that won't happen.
12:51. Marshall and Lance, yuck. I don't like them, but at least they get one point for pronouncing "Montevideo" properly. As they confidently drive out, with Marshall (Jerk the Lesser) navigating for Lance (Jerk the Greater) and explaining what "good shape" they're in, they soon find themselves up against a fence. So apparently, Marshall's navigating was not as bulletproof as he was hoping. "What the hell's this?" asks a frustrated Jerk the Greater. Marshall voices over that he believes that he and Lance will do really well as a result of having handled the stress of opening a restaurant. Hey, he has a point. You know who would make an unstoppable racing team? Rocco and Mama. Except that Rocco would have to keep stopping to feel up gate agents and show off his magnificent package for greeters and stuff. They'd definitely have the best snacks, though.
Alison and Donny (boooo!), on the other hand, find themselves on a road labeled "Montevideo," so they appear to be on track at last. Getting to Montevideo is officially easier than getting out of downtown Minneapolis. If they have outdoor baseball, I'm totally moving to Uruguay.
At 12:54 AM, it's time for Linda and Karen to leave. And seriously, the matching bowling shirts -- in this case, black and pink -- must go immediately. I can't coexist peacefully with anything that shiny. As they leave, Linda voices over that they know each other very well and have known each other for a long time, and she thinks that as a result, they'll be a tough team. Apparently, she hasn't heard of "familiarity breeds contempt" as a racing mantra, despite how often it rears its ugly head. They find the road to Montevideo. This makes them say, "Woo hoo!" quite a bit more than I'd like. I don't like very much "Woo hoo!", though. Marshall and Lance find the road as well.
1:05 AM. Bob and Joyce share a little smooch on the mat, and then he tears open the clue. Bob says that the "older folks" are doing fine, and he looks forward to proving to the other teams that he and Joyce are "stronger than [they] look." In an interview, he deadpans, "Joyce, show 'em your muscles. I mean, this lady has guns." She giggles and makes a bicep, which she doesn't display long enough to allow for it to be adequately evaluated, but it was still really cute when he said it. I kind of like them. I like that there's a lot of laughing.
1:08 AM. Charla and Mirna. "We're going to go dance, honey, let's go, [Phyllis]," says Mirna. Mirna interviews that the other teams thought they were "the most naïve and weakest people here," and that she likes that, because they "love to surprise people." Yet another team that enjoys being underestimated. There's a lot of that going around. I am most definitely not feeling Charla's animal-print shirt, and I still say Mirna is packing hot rollers. If you melted them down and made them into one person, you'd get Sheena, Queen of the Nail Salon.
1:13 AM. Nicole and Brandon. Unfortunately for Nicole, very few people look good in lime green, and she is not among that select group. She goes on to voice over in a strange and suspiciously hair-splitting manner that she's certain that Brandon is "the type of guy" she wants to marry, but she's not sure he's "that exact person." Heh. "I want to marry a guy kind of like that, but maybe, you know, not that guy." That's gotta hurt. Everyone's done it, though -- "I'd like this guy's virtues in a husband, but the hair gives me pause."
Charla and Mirna, after Mirna gets over the fact that the car requires her to "change gears or something," quickly find themselves staring down the same desolate Fence of Disorientation that the Brothers Pepperoni faced down earlier. Brandon and Nicole, on the other hand, are humming right along on the path to Montevideo. Speaking of Montevideo, Alison and Donny have arrived in town ahead of everyone. She makes a lot of "yeah, baby" noises, which are not charming. In fact, I think I can hear the entire city of Montevideo weeping at her approach, which doesn't mean much except that they've heard of her.
1:27 AM. Colin and Christie. Wow, a do-rag with a headlamp over it. Sex-ay! Christie's ass says "Texas," today, by the way. (Christie's ass: "Texas." Christie's hair: "The mall.") She interviews that she and Colin are "very competitive" (you know, I hear he's intense), and that they "want to win." Fortunately, the other teams probably won't have a problem with that. None of them want to win. They're not intense. Also, Christie is unnaturally tan. That's not really relevant, but still.
1:28 AM. Chip and Kim. He speculates, after reading the clue, that they're going to be "Disco Daddy Domino-ing." He voices over that they've done everything wrong up to this point, which is...making them stronger. Hey, I'll admit it's no "I have not yet begun to fight," but as a theory, I like it as much as "we're hoping to leave the obviously erroneous impression that we're weak and stupid."
1:29 AM. Kami/Karli. They reveal, among other things, that the teams received $136 for the leg. Oh, those whimsical race bankers. On the way out, the girls run into Chip and Kim, and Chip tells them to follow him, because he knows the way out. "We love Chip and Kim," says Karli earnestly. "They're good people, we get along with them." The mythical Golden Heifer of Foreshadowing materializes in an otherworldly mist, and gives a halfhearted "Moooo." The two teams get separated while driving, however, and Karli speculates either that they lost Chip and Kim or Chip and Kim lost them. Can't get a thing past her. As Karli navigates from the back seat, Kami bitches something from the front seat about Karli being a perfect navigator and driver, and then Kami's not perfect, she's just better, and come to think of it, I'm pretty sure I saw this argument yesterday on Judge Joe Brown. One or the other of the twins voices over that they're both "best friends" and "worst enemies." Just the way family should be. She says that it's "not pretty" when they argue. It's hard to believe anything about them would not be pretty, isn't it?
1:39 AM. Jim and Marsha. Jim insists that his leg is getting stronger and stronger by the day. You know, Jim is a true inspiration. In fact, interestingly enough, he is such an inspiration that when Miss Alli's Mom fell and hurt her foot while Sister S and the nephews Little A and Little B were visiting this week, she valiantly went to the zoo anyway and walked all over the place that same day. She said, only partially tongue-in-cheek, that if Jim could do the race with 25 stitches, she could certainly handle the zoo on her "sprained" foot. Of course, her bravery appeared ever so slightly rash the day when her entire foot turned purple and swelled up until it resembled a large eggplant with terrifying sausage-like toes protruding from it. I am ashamed to admit that I asked her if I could throw a dishtowel over it so that I wouldn't have bad dreams about it later. We finally convinced her to go to Urgent Care, which led to an X-ray and the discovery of the snapped fifth metatarsal on which she had inadvertently wandered around for several hours looking at the snow monkeys and the dolphin show and whatnot. She's hobbling around much more efficiently now with the assistance of her crutches, and I keep trying to get her to look on the bright side, which is that she would make an outstanding superhero called something like "El Crutcho" if she could figure out how to swat people in a really stupendous fashion. So far, she has not taken me up on it. So thanks, Jim. My mother never would have ignored her medical emergency without you. Anyway, Marsha interviews that she and her dad want to finish the leg as quickly as possible so that "these healthy, fast teams will be rather embarrassed that a couple gimps beat 'em." That's exactly what I suspect Mom was thinking when she passed those three irritating twelve-year-old boys on the way past the tiger enclosure.
Linda and Karen are driving into Montevideo. They find the disco, apparently the first to do so. Inside the Shake Mega Disco, it sort of looks like that episode of The Brady Bunch where Bobby was the safety monitor and wound up filling the laundry room with suds, only here, it's on purpose. (It's too bad that The Brady Bunch never spawned an Amazing Race team, because I think "Greg and Marcia: Brother and Sister/Dating" would be the best caption ever.) There are indeed crowds of folks on the dance floor, wiggling around in all the soap. Linda and Karen search for an inflatable globe. I love how Karen has a wad of foam on her head that looks almost like a smart, jauntily-cocked hat. I hope that all her friends and relations will be telling her for many years that whatever she's wearing would look even better if she added the soap hat. Eighty-year-old Karen: "How do I look?" Fifty-year-old Karen's Kid: "Good, Mom. But, hmm, the ensemble needs something...what would it be? Oh, right, the SOAP HAT!" And then they'd laugh. Anyway, outside, Alison and Donny pull up. They make their way inside as we watch Linda pop a globe. "Karen, I found it!" she screeches. The moms read the clue, which tells them to take the public ferry to Buenos Aires, Argentina. Phil explains that this will require a drive of about 100 miles to Colonia del Sacramento, and then the boarding of the ferry. Donny and Alison quickly find their clue also. A friendly man helps them find their way to Route 1, which is the road to the ferry, it appears.
In the Bowling Mom car, Linda says that it was "wild in there." She wonders aloud whether there are places like that disco in the United States. Karen insists that there are. "Wheeeere?" Linda screeches. "We don't have that in Palmdale!" "Not in Palmdale," Karen agrees dismissively. "Let's open one!" Linda screeches again. No offense, but I think a foam club operated by moms would probably not attract the really trashy clientele that they'd need in order to make a go of it. The really cutting-edge foam clubs don't serve pizza rolls and Sunny Delight.
In the Colin/Christie car, he looks half-asleep, which isn't so good, considering that he's driving at the moment. Although I did learn this week that three-year-old Little B can eat in his sleep, which he did at the table after half-dozing off during dinner. You haven't lived until you've seen a kid trying to lick jelly off a biscuit with his eyes closed. Anyway, Colin and Christie blow by Charla and Mirna, as Mirna scolds that he's exceeding the speed limit. He waves at them and passes anyway. You'll note that Charla and Mirna have already bled about fifteen minutes since they left the pit stop, as compared to Colin and Christie. As Mirna continues to bitch about Colin's speeding, Charla points out that the speed limit is now substantially higher than Mirna was thinking it was. Sucks to waste all your righteous indignation on a situation where you simply didn't read.
Back among the billowing clouds of foam, Lance unearths the clue and calls for Marshall. Outside the club, they say, "English? English?" until they find a guy who speaks English. They show him the clue. They ask him how to get to the port, and he breaks the news that he doesn't know. In the car, Lance offers the following insight: "All the people there were just...useless. They were useless foreigners." You know, there are a lot of places in the city in which I live that I don't know how to get to. I must be a "useless foreigner." In fact, I secretly suspect that much of the reason Lance and Marshall are here is that in Dallas, many of the "useless foreigners" currently couldn't find their pizza joint with a map, a compass, and a sherpa. So shut it, there, smart guy.
Elsewhere, Chip and Kim are driving, and Kim is calling out the window for directions to the disco. "She looked at me like I was crazy," Kim comments after one particular woman apparently fails to help them. I have to say, that's what I would think if I were strolling along a local street in the middle of the night and somebody screamed out the window that she was looking for the Shake Mega Disco. I might even gesture vaguely in the direction of the police station and then drive as quickly as possible in the other direction. Kami/Karli also leans out their car window and calls for directions, and they get them, because they ask a boy, and they employ all the charm they are so sure they have. "Gracias!" they call in a friendly fashion to the guys who helped them. And then, after the guys are gone, Karli mockingly squeals, "Gracias, gracias!" just so disgusted that she had to pretend to appreciate strangers helping her. Because when you come right down to it, helpful strangers are such pathetic assholes. In an interview, Kami says she's happy to flirt to get information, because "it's a game." Wait, was that flirting? She's kind of bad at it.
At the club, Nicole has a globe and is trying to break it against her body unsuccessfully. People are reaching and pushing against the ball to try and, uh, "help" her. "Brandon, Brandon," she says, as she grows uncomfortable. One particular guy decides to try to crush the globe between his body and hers, and smushes against her accordingly. In my favorite development, by the way, they show a guy's hand come in and sort of swipe at her neckline, and one of the Eagle-Eyed Forum Posters pointed out that you can see the red and yellow Amazing Purse in the corner of the screen -- in other words, that it's Brandon's hand at that particular moment, despite the fact that they would like you to think that some rude individual pawed at her shirt. And indeed, the one random guy really does sort of feel all over her shoulders and back in a pretty gross way as she voices over that this "idiot" was groping her on the dance floor. "It was just awful," she says. What baffles me is why all she seemed to say while it was happening was "Brandon, Brandon," instead of saying something like, I don't know, "No." Or even better, just shoved the guy, which she didn't.
In the Alison and Donny car, they're arguing, surprisingly enough. Her agenda at the moment is her firm conviction that a compass will not be enough to get them out of Uruguay. "You're so stupid," he says. Gosh, I agree with both of them. I sense the universe collapsing.
Brandon and Nicole read their clue, followed by Kami/Karli and Bob and Joyce, then Colin and Christie, so it's time for mass flight from the disco.
Charla and Mirna are still driving. "There's a girl with a disco outfit on!" Mirna notes as they pass a woman leaning on the inside of what appears to be a bus shelter. "Excuzee senorita," Mirna calls out. "Tu se disco, Shake Mega Disco?" One or the other of the girls speculates that their target is a prostitute. "A prostitute would know where the disco is, wouldn't she, [Phyllis]?" Mirna wonders aloud. "Donde es discoteque?" Charla asks the putative hooker. "No cono?" You know, if it wouldn't require me to type a lot of extraneous HTML tags, I would definitely call these girls Team [Sic]. Mirna now drags Charla away, arguing that the hooker is annoyed because they're bothering her and "she has business to do." Never anger the vengeful tart, I always say. Actually, that's a rule on the forums.
Donny and Alison arrive at the ferry port. "I'm somewhat of a genius," Donny observes. Apparently, he has not met his own taste in women. It is 3:30 AM as they get out of their car and go inside, "Currently In 1st Place." They are told that the first ferry out will depart at 4:30.
Back at the club, Chip and Kim pop their clue, as Kim takes my advice and gives a guy a shove, loudly saying, "No, I can't have that." When they get outside, Kim says that they were also trying to kiss her during the clue-popping. She calls it "disgusting." Apparently, manners at the Shake Mega Disco leave something to be desired if you want to decide how much of your own Mega you care to have Shaken. Inside, Jim and Marsha get their clue as well. Finally, Charla and Mirna arrive, too. The foam that is designed to be about knee-high on the revelers has Charla in much deeper, so she is hard to see as she searches for the globes. Finally, they find a clue and boogie their way out of the club. In their car, Mirna laments the fact that Jim and Marsha started out in last place, and they managed to get ahead. In his car, meanwhile, Jim is saying with some disbelief, "I've never, ever heard of a foooam cluuub before. You gots [sic] to go to Uruguay to go to a foooam cluuub." I don't know if you gots to go to Uruguay, but you gots to get out of the military, I think it's safe to say.
At 3:50 AM, Colin and Christie, the Bowling Moms, Brandon and Nicole, and Marshall and Lance are all converging on the port. Colin asks about the 4:30 ferry, in surprisingly passable Spanish that actually sounds like he didn't learn it from Univision three hours ago during a dubbed episode of El Scarecrow y Senora King. Colin says that he hopes not all the teams will get there soon enough to make the first ferry.
Speaking of which, Charla and Mirna are lost again between the disco and the port. "Donde es puerto Colonia del Sacramento?" The guy keeps saying, "Monumento," and Mirna keeps saying, "No, puerto." Charla steps in, saying, "Let me try." She steps over to him. "Amigo," she says, as if she's now going to straighten things right out with no problem. "We want to go on a feeerrrrry," she continues, speaking in a Spanish accent that's sure to make her English much easier for him to handle. And then she makes a swimming motion with her arms. Because apparently, they're looking for the kind of ferry where the passengers drag it on giant ropes while dog-paddling. "Yo te entiendo," he says impatiently. For those of you keeping score a casa, that means "Yeah, I'm tracking, there, Marcel Marceau, and I'm trying to tell you, but I can't unless you shut your bloody yap and pay attention." He gives Charla directions, and when he's done, Mirna says, "I didn't get any of that." Charla clutches her head. Yeah, me too.
At the port, Kami/Karli arrive, then Bob and Joyce, then Jim and Marsha, then Chip and Kim.
Meanwhile, Charla and Mirna note that they are still "going in circle after circle after circle."
At 4:18, the ferry starts to board. The rest of the teams take note of the fact that not everybody has made it. The tension builds as Charla and Mirna get directions in a little store, and Charla yells for Mirna to get moving, in response to which Mirna tells Charla not to yell. "There's only so much I can give," Charla snots in frustration. Wow, she certainly is very impressed with herself, I'll say that for her. ["I thought she was joking. Even if she wasn't, I yell that at my car all the time, so: hee." -- Sars] At 4:27, the rest of the teams are already on board as the walkway to the ferry is pulled up. Charla and Mirna are just getting there outside and walking toward the ferry. Of course, Mirna is bugging Charla to go faster. Mirna talks to the ferry guy, who tells them that they've already missed the first ferry. The guy tells them that they'll have to go later, and Mirna says that she doesn't want to go later, she wants to go now. And then, Mirna uncorks my favorite Mirna-ism of the episode: "Posibla boat stopay?" He doesn't seem sure he understands her, which is probably because she didn't say "boato." She turns to Charla. "I don't understand if the boat is here or not." Hard to believe that exchange ended in confusion, isn't it? She was being bilingual and everything. In fact, Mirna has the rare ability to speak two languages in a single word, so it's not like she isn't bending over backwards to be accommodating.
Commercials. I'm sorry, but I don't believe robots are coming to get me. Even if Will Smith says they are.
We are back to Berlitz Mirna and her Multilingual Follies. "Necesita emergencia," Mirna tells the ferry guy. So...she's telling him that she needs an emergency, to provide a charitable interpretation. Maybe he can arrange one. I can think of a few, and most of them involve her winding up tied to a tree. On the boat, the other teams are hoping somebody misses it. But outside, a nice lady comes up and tells Mirna and Charla that they're holding the boat. Wow, considering that they clearly lost time both between the pit stop and the disco and then between the disco and the ferry, they've run a completely incompetent leg so far, and are as lucky as all hell not to be out of the running right at this point. In Charla's pre-game interview, we get to hear her say again that her size will be an advantage, because "most people think [she] can't do anything." I'm not sure that was relevant in this situation, but in any event, they did just get bailed out by the ferry staff, and they board the boat to the disheartened looks of the other teams. "Everybody's upset that we're equal with them," Mirna says, which is only true in the sense that everyone would always like to see somebody fall behind. I don't think it's that the other teams resent their equality so much as it is that the other teams would always like to see somebody else -- anybody else -- wind up as roadkill at an early stage in the leg. I think Mirna needs to get on the down elevator very quickly and find an exit from the Persecution Complex.
Phil explains that the ten teams are all now on their way to Buenos Aires. Or, as Mirna would say, "Goodo Airo." Oh, sorry -- "Airos." He says that when they get there, they'll have to find a cemetery called Recoleta, where they'll look for the grave of Eva Peron. Donny asks a guy on the boat where to find the grave, and the guy confirms that he'll find it at Recoleta. The woman that Colin is asking, however, sends him to the Chacarita cemetery. Ooh, fateful! He has her write it down, just to be sure. Well, that's lucky. You wouldn't want to start the chase without a really good diagram with a big arrow pointing to the wild goose.
The boat docks, and the teams run off in a pack. They all scatter and grab taxis outside. Mirna, unsurprisingly, tells her driver to get ahead of the other teams by saying, "In front of these, front-o!" She even rolls the "r": "Frrrrront-o!" If I close my eyes, she could totally be a native speaker. Elsewhere, Jim and Marsha are exchanging their money, which Jim interviews that they did because Linda and Karen told them on the boat that nobody would take American dollars and they'd need to exchange their money. Now, see, if that's me, then I tell Linda and Karen I'll meet them getting off the boat to change the money together, and if they aren't there to change their money also, I conclude they're full of it. And in fact, we cut directly to Brandon and Nicole confirming with their driver that he does, in fact, take American money. Oops. Interestingly, Brandon and Nicole try to tell their driver to take them to Chacarita, but their driver saves their asses by telling them no, Eva Peron is in Recoleta. Colin, however, just asks for Chacarita cemetery. It's always a good idea to share with your taxi driver, I think. Bob and Joyce also ask for Chacarita. Chip and Kim, too. Wow, I wonder whether all of these teams were misled by Colin's single piece of bad information from that one lady spreading through the ranks. That would make her kind of the Typhoid Mary of getting lost. Kami/Karli have the same good karma as Brandon and Nicole, and their driver keeps them from screwing up and going to the wrong place. Karli explains in an interview that the confusion arose because Eva Peron is in one cemetery, but her husband is in another. And apparently, with that one lady, when Colin said, "Eva Peron," thought he meant, "Eva Peron's husband." The other thing that's completely awesome is that I'm almost positive they dug up that psycho Music of Screwing Up that they used back when everybody put unleaded in their diesel cars, and they play it every time anybody says "Chacarita." It's like the Love Theme from Fucking Up.
Jim and Marsha continue to fall behind as they exchange their money. Sigh. Jim hypothesizes to her as they get to the front of the line that Linda and Karen screwed them with bad information, and Marsha absorbs this for a minute. Jim interviews that when nobody else was exchanging money, they started to think they'd "been had." There is a cut directly from this to Karen yelling, "Yaaaaay!" in her cab, which I'm sure is quite unfair, as I doubt she was actually at that moment cheering for herself for having successfully misled Jim and Marsha. I mean, I love the big drama, but I am not that much of a sucker.
I love the music that accompanies the trip to the cemetery, with Alison and Donny and Charla and Mirna in the lead taxis. Alison and Donny arrive at the cemetery and ask for directions to the grave. They take off at a run. An overhead shot of the sprawling Recoleta cemetery tells you how challenging finding a particular gravesite could really be. Charla and Mirna and the Bowling Moms are the to arrive. Mirna catches up with a guy in a cart, saying to him, "Senor, pequeno bella," which the captioning rather generously translates as "small lady." She goes on all, "Small lady, not possible," as she indicates the approaching Charla. They hop on the back of his vehicle and take off. Linda and Karen are close behind. Linda and Karen try to stop the cart also, but Mirna gets him to leave without them. In an interview, the moms note that Charla and Mirna, "at a great disadvantage," are nonetheless "kicking [their] butts." And then they laugh good-naturedly. Honestly, Charla and Mirna are not at that much of a disadvantage except during footraces, and footraces are really a relatively small part of racing in the early stages. No one, at this point, is ahead because they run fast.
In Jim and Marsha's cab, she asks whether the driver would have taken American money, and he says he would have. Frustrated, she notes this to her dad, and he says that people are apparently out to pick off the weak "sheep." I'm not sure it's that, and it's hard to know whether they were misled on purpose or accidentally. "We got screwed, and we'll deal with it," he says simply.
At Chacarita cemetery, Colin and Christie get out of their cab, ask for Evita Peron's grave, and soon learn that they're in the wrong place entirely. [Fucking-Up Music.] Bob and Joyce are similarly directed to Recoleta, followed by Chip and Kim. [More Fucking-Up Music.] Bob speculates in the Bob cab on the way to Recoleta that they might have really blown it with that little screw-up.
Meanwhile, at Recoleta, Charla and Mirna arrive at Eva Peron's grave. They're the first to pull the clue, which is a Detour. The Detour choices this week are Perro and Tango. Phil explains that in Perro, one person takes a group of eight dogs, and the team navigates along a one-mile course with a map, hitting three checkpoints. You can start that task immediately, because the dogs are right outside the cemetery. In Tango, you take a cab to a theater a mile and a half across town, where a bunch of similarly-dressed couples are dancing in a low-light setting. You get a picture of a guy, and you look for that one guy, and if you find him, he gives you your clue. It's somewhat similar to the mask task from Venice last year, except that the people aren't moving around quite so much, and there isn't an upstairs to confuse you. It's similar, though, in that it's very hard to tell how difficult it's going to be, and you have to stop and concentrate in order to do it well. Charla and Mirna choose the tango, even as Charla protests, "I can't do the tango with a gentleman!" Well, you don't have to, you goofball, which means Charla is showing signs, among other things, of failure to read the damn clue. What kind of a weird-ass comment is that, anyway? She's the one who said she can do anything. I find it hard to believe that what's going to stop her in her tracks is the dance of love, you know? As they leave the task, Mirna thanks Eva Peron. Interestingly, I can't decide whether God or Eva Peron is less likely to give a flop who wins. God's got hunger and suffering to deal with, Eva's got the revolution...tough call.
The Bowling Moms get the Detour clue, and they choose the dogs, because the dogs are right outside and there's nothing to find. Brandon and Nicole and Marshall and Lance get to the cemetery just as Alison and Donny jump the coffin cart to take them the rest of the way. Marshall and Lance are to the clue, followed by Brandon and Nicole. Both choose the Tango, and Brandon and Nicole pick up Alison and Donny's cart as it arrives at the clue box, catching a ride back out of the cemetery before Alison and Donny also hurry back on.
Elsewhere, the Moms pick up their herd of dogs. Eight dogs, incidentally, is a lot, particularly when they're all branched off of one main leash. Charla and Mirna are in their cab on the way to the Tango, wondering if they did the right thing, while Donny and Alison have selected the dogs. In Brandon and Nicole's cab, he says that the dogs were indeed right by the clue, but they're still hoping the Tango turns out to be faster. "Those dogs looked like a pain," Nicole says with horror, and a cymbal crash accompanies the cut to a very cute but very ugly dog, panting something that I'm pretty sure would translate as, approximately, "You should talk." Although I guess the dog probably speaks Spanish, so it might be more like "You should talk-o." Donny tells Alison, "I'll navigate. You walk the dogs." Alison immediately becomes entangled in the leashes, and says sharply to Donny, "Donny, you need to take my bag. Donny!" He says, "Shut up, I'm reading this!" Yeah, what does she expect him to do, carry something and read? There's only so much one man's brain can be expected to do when it runs on a watch battery. Funny boop-boop-boop music plays as Donny leads Alison down the street. He quickly tells her, though, that he's not sure where they're going. "Oh, my Gawd," she says.
Elsewhere, Charla and Mirna are pulling up to the El Tango theater, which has quite an impressive sign outside. They get their program and go inside the dark theater. They run down the aisle, making little twirly movements that are not anywhere near as adorable as they think they are. The first guy Mirna presents the picture to is not the right guy, however, so they have to go back to the entrance and get a new picture. "In haste, I gave it to someone. It was wrong," Mirna says. That's exactly how I lost my heart to Evil Doctor Will.
Alison and Donny are dog-walking rather aimlessly as, again, the music guys continue to deliver with some very funny stuff. This was an outstanding week for them. Alison and Donny soon run into Karen and Linda, and Karen suggests that if they all stay together, it will be "less stressful." Wait, it's going to be less stressful if they team up with Alison and Donny? Meh. That's like adding soap to your coffee to make it sweeter.
Kami and Karli get the detour clue. They quickly conclude that walking the dogs will be easier. Don't tell that to Donny and Alison and Karen and Linda, all of whom are wandering all over, trying to find their way to where they're supposed to be. "I hate you," Alison spits at her "boyfriend." Donny interviews that he was "so mad" at Alison, who kept yelling at him constantly while he was trying to read the map. He points out that what she was doing was not going to help them get out of the mess they were in. I'm not sure why he assumes that she would stipulate to the legitimacy of any objective other than haranguing, which I really believe Alison considers to be its own reward.
Charla and Mirna think they've located the guy who's featured in their second clue. They approach him, and he takes the clue from them, so they can leave. Mirna takes a moment to tango with the guy first, because that's just the kind of fun, wacky girl she is. In an interview, they talk about how they do things to entertain themselves just so that they don't break down from the stress. I don't know. There's something about the way they do all these "fun-loving" things that doesn't come off to me as natural, but seems more like unrelenting mugging. I didn't get the sense that Mirna was swept up in the spirit of the tango as much as she was swept up in how adorable she thought it would be if she did it. They just don't give me a genuinely whimsical vibe; it all seems labored. ["I would agree with you, but I don't think Mirna can think ahead far enough ahead to be that calculating. I mean…'frrrrront-o'?" -- Sars] As Brandon and Nicole exit, Charla and Mirna get their clue and head out of the theater. Phil explains that the clue now requires them to go by bus or taxi 70 miles to a ranch called La Invernada. It's a "traditional Argentinian ranch." (And as you know if you have a working knowledge of chick movies, "Argentina has great beef. Beef and Nazis.") Charla and Mirna choose the cab.
In the Tango, Brandon and Nicole get it right on their first shot with the picture, so they leave in second place. Charla and Mirna discuss the fare with their driver, who tells them that it will be fifty dollars for the trip. "There is no doubt in my mind that if we take a bus to this place," Mirna says solemnly, "we will be eliminated today." If that's true, she's just not very bright, because when there are two options, you taking the slower one when you're in first place doesn't mean you'll be eliminated. In fact, when you're in first place, that's the time to consider the cheap option and save your money, because you probably won't drop to last. Not that I want to wear myself out pointing out that Mirna is not a genius. ["See above. You're going to want to pace yourself with that." -- Sars]
Karli works on walking the dogs. She starts out all chirpy-nice, but like Alison, she soon gets tied up in the leashes. When her feet are thoroughly tied up and the dogs keep going, she tips over and lands with her hands in the dirt, and then one of the dog helpfully licks her on the ear. Hee. It's not up there with the donkey dumping Heather on her face, but the animals do know how to deliver a smackdown to people who need one. From now on, of course, you'll be able to tell the twins apart, because Karli will be the one with the teeming parasites. She asks if Kami is sure they know where they're going, and Kami says that she doesn't.
Marshall and Lance Tango successfully.
Alison and Donny and their dogs are still lost. She orders him to stop and read the map. She demands to know why he's not finding where they should be. She tells him to ask someone for help. One of the dogs Alison is leading starts humping another one, and Alison says, humorlessly and with great exasperation, "Mine keep having sex." Ironically, I think Big Brother producers have angled for years for the ability to make precisely that complaint about their charges, but unfortunately for them, the houseguests are usually not quite as appealing as these particular dogs. Alison further gripes that they haven't even passed any of the checkpoints. "You know what?" she says angrily. "We're done!"
Commercials. I can't speak for anyone else, but if you're in the middle of romancing me on the top of a building and you unveil a plastic container of yogurt, it's over.
Donny tells Alison that he thinks they have no choice but to quit and switch Detours, going for the Tango instead. Linda and Karen agree. "We're going to do the other stuff," Linda says. "This is way too hard." Hmm. This kind of difficulty with a fairly fundamental race task -- navigating city streets with a map where there are locals available to provide assistance -- does not bode well for them, as far as I'm concerned. They don't seem to be quitting because of the dogs, but because they can't follow the map, and they're going to have to do basically the same thing sooner or later over the course of the thing, probably a number of times. "Eschew map-reading" is not sound race strategy.
Kami/Karli, however, stop a guy and ask him if he has twenty minutes to spare. Kami asks if he can at least get them to the first checkpoint, and he agrees. They take off walking, and before you know it, they're there. Among other things, when they reach the first checkpoint, one of their rewards is a card with some commands on it to help them manage the dogs. That's an interesting thought. I wonder if one of them was, "Stop having sex."
Back at the cemetery, Alison and Donny and Linda and Karen return their dogs and leave to do the Tango. In their cab, Alison snots that if she sees a checkpoint from the car, she'll "flip out." "It's nothing new, and you don't scare me," Donny says. "You're so ignorant," she spits. "You're an embarrassment, you really are," he returns. "God, fuck you, you're a loser," she says. "You are, you're an embarrassment," he repeats. That is so romantic. I hope someday to have a fucking loser of my very own.
We zoom around the cemetery and settle on Jim and Marsha, who are just leaving in a taxi for the Tango. Colin and Christie are settling on Tango also, but Bob and Joyce have chosen to walk the dogs. Chip and Kim, in last place, are taking the Tango. Marsha marvels in the cab that they waited in line and changed money, and still have emerged ahead of some people -- namely, people who went to the wrong cemetery.
As Bob and Joyce walk the dogs, she interviews that they both love dogs, and they felt confident. There is an intentionally ironic cut to Kami and Karli, who are not feeling confident and do not love dogs. Karli, in fact, is sort of screaming at the dogs, which doesn't seem to be helping. Walking toward the camera, Kami looks up and snots, "She wanted to do this." Mmm, there's that whiff of delicious, delicious blame. Smells like donuts.
As Jim and Marsha pull up to the Tango theater, they realize that they're looking at Linda and Karen and Alison and Donny trying to cross the street, so that's a nice bit of karma biting people in the ass, if you suspect Linda and Karen actually misled them on purpose. These three teams all arrive at the theater at roughly the same time. Alison and Donny get it on their first try, while Linda and Karen get it wrong.
Kami/Karli are still dog-walking with their trusted companion. They reach the second checkpoint as Kami explains that they are loving their personal Fern. Or, I suppose, they're pretending to. They find the third checkpoint.
At Tango, Jim and Marsha get their picture accepted and leave. "Yeeeeees!" Marsha hollers. Linda and Karen, on the other hand, blow it again. Outside, Jim and Marsha pile into a taxi, as Jim says there's no way he's taking a bus. You gots to go to Uruguay to refuse to take a bus.
Donny, on the other hand, says that he wants to take the bus, because he only has a twenty on him at this point, which doesn't make a lot of sense if they started the leg with $136, but...whatever. It wouldn't be the first time I couldn't follow Donny's line of reasoning. Alison doesn't want to talk about it. Donny just tells their driver to take them to the bus station. Back at Tango, Colin and Christie snag their clue. And so, at long last, do Linda and Karen, who have now dropped a couple of spots, just since they arrived at the Tango place. The Bowling Moms are about to become the Squealing Moms, and that's really not a good thing. Outside, Christie pushes for a cab, and Linda and Karen jump into one also. "Muy rapido," Linda urges.
Charla and Mirna -- remember them? still annoying -- are on their way to the ranch in their taxi. Charla says they feel great about where they are, and Mirna says -- right there in the cab -- "We're here to prove to the world that people follow us." Yeah, I've had about all the "prove to the world" from these two that I care for at this point. Whatever you may be trying to prove, shut up about it already. "Show, don't tell" is not only for college fiction workshops. Brandon and Nicole, hot on their heels, comment on how "fast" Charla and Mirna are. Eh. Between the ferry and now, yes, but that's about it, so far. Both teams hop out and run to the big flag located to a large corral of cows. The Roadblock clue says that whoever performs the task should have "quick hands and quick feet." Phil provokes the crowd by wearing strangely fitting jeans as he strolls toward the camera, explaining about how a Roadblock is a task that only one person does. In this one, the person will have to enter the corral and pull a red bandanna off of one of the many calves that are roaming around inside. The cows will not necessarily stand still for this, of course, and the teams are not allowed to tackle or pull the calves at all, making the task "difficult and frustrating." Once you get your bandanna, someone will give you your clue. (But it won't be the cow. The cow will probably still be mad.)
Brandon takes the task for his team. As Charla and Mirna discuss it, although Mirna quickly agrees to do it, Charla hypothesizes that she might have to "stick [her] hand in the cow's ass." Why in the hell would that be your first guess? (Miss Alli's Mom: "If that's the first thing she thinks of, I don't want to go to the zoo with her." Me: "Or play tag.") I mean, does she think they've hidden the clues up the cow's rectums? Is that the theory? Is that likely? I mean, I guess if it said "clean hands," or "gloved hands," or even "warm hands," then...maybe. But "quick hands"? Like, "Stick your hand up the cow's ass before it gets away"? That makes no sense. What's more, Mirna picks up on this hypothetical and runs with it. "Can you stick your hand in the cow's ass?" she asks Charla seriously. "I don't have quick feet!" Charla responds. "I will not be able to run after the cow." So she can do the ass part, just not the running part. I think that's the same reason Dick Cheney might be dropped from the ticket. (Rimshot!) They finally open the clue and see that there will in fact be no cow proctology required.
Brandon runs into the corral. "Hey, baby!" he growls. Hee. Brandon chases the calves. Mirna chases them. Charla tells Mirna to back them into a corner. Hmm, maybe if she yells, "Pequeno bella," the cows will just stand still and let her have it.
Kami and Karli finish the dog-walking. They discuss whether to get the bus or the taxi. Elsewhere, Chip and Kim finish the Tango. Kami/Karli asks a cab driver how far it is to the bus station, while Chip asks a guy whether he should "take a boose," and then wonders if the guy can take him "to the boose station." Speaking of the boose and its associated station, Alison and Donny are there now. As they climb on a bus, she says that they "cannot afford to make one more mistake." Donny says to the camera that their only real chance is if there are other teams behind them that they're not aware of. He, by the way, has a very bad white do-rag on his head that makes him look recently bandaged. He laments that they saw no other teams at the bus station, but we know better, as we look in on Kami/Karli and Chip and Kim, both going for the bus option as we speak. These two teams get tickets on what the captions identify as an "Express Bus." Alison and Donny's bus, notably, had no such identifier. Kami says that the bus ride was "uncomfortable," because although Chip and Kim are "such good people," Kami and Karli "still need to beat them." Well, it's a relief that she understands that wanting to win has nothing to do with being a good person.
Bob and Joyce are in the home stretch of the dog walk. Joyce urges on the dogs, saying, "Vamoose, vamoose," but Bob tells her, "All their vam has moosed." Hee. They elect, quite fatefully, to take a taxi. If they make that call wrong, by the way, the day turns out totally differently, so be glad that they did this when they did.
Elsewhere, Marshall and Lance are being delayed while their taxi fills up with natural gas. Jim and Marsha are enjoying being, in his words, the "comeback kids." Jim says that he's quite sure that what Linda and Karen told them was not a mistake, but a "bloody lie." Eh. I don't know. Maybe. In their cab, Karen says that it's been "a heck of a day," though not necessarily a good day for them.
Mirna and Brandon are both still struggling with the calves. "Get 'em in the corner!" Charla coaches some more. If Charla consistently spends as much time ordering Mirna around as she has during this episode, that's going to seriously bug. Brandon is first to grab a bandanna. Mirna finally manages to get a bunch of calves in a huddle, and she gets herself into the middle of the huddle and grabs the bandanna as well. The two lead teams read their clues. Phil explains that now, the teams will have to take horse-drawn carriages two miles to La Portena, which is an old estate serving as the second pit stop. "The last team to check in here," he says, "will be eliminated." Brandon and Nicole, followed by Charla and Mirna, climb up into their carriages and take off. Mirna can't shut up with the "rapido, rapido" to the driver, and feels compelled to make kissing noises to the horses. And yes, my sense is that she's making the kissing noises in improvised Spanish, though I'd have trouble proving it.
Alison and Donny's bus is stopped. They point out that not only did they get on a bus, but it was a bus that made stops. Alison snots to him that they do indeed have enough money for a cab, and he snots back that he doesn't care how much she tries to pin the whole thing on him. She insists that's not what she's doing, even though it is. She then goes on to say that she wanted to do the Tango, but she let him do the dogs, and then she let him take the bus, and now they're going to lose. Not that she's putting it all on him or anything. "I was wrong because I didn't control you more," she says wearily. "You're a psycho," he says. Awww. They are adorable.
The carriages approach the pit stop. Nicole notes that Mirna and Charla are just behind them, and they're hoping that they're in first place. Mirna, meanwhile, says that she and Charla will be "run[ning] their hearts out" in the hopes that "maybe something good will happen." When the carriages stop, it's basically a footrace to the mat, and...I mean, Charla herself would tell you she doesn't run fast, so it's not a very close footrace. Brandon and Nicole land on the mat, and learn that they are team number one. No vacation, though. Pfft. Charla and Mirna pull up to the mat and learn that they're team number two. It's interesting -- they managed to do that by making their mistakes early in the leg rather than late, because they really did run a poor leg up to the ferry. They got very, very lucky. Mirna once again feels the need to hug Phil, promising that she smells much better than she did when she and her beef shirt hugged him last week.
Nicole interviews that Mirna and Charla are a tough team. And Charla, again, in her post-leg interview, says that she wants to "show the world what [she's] capable of." And if that's true, I really, really, really wish she would ask Mirna to cram it with the "small lady, not possible" BS.
Jim and Marsha are at the Roadblock. Zoiks. You know, with all the teams that took the bus and all the teams that went to the wrong cemetery, they've worked they're way up to third, which is pretty impressive. Marsha takes the Roadblock, which I'm sure her father's knee appreciates. Marsha grabs herself a bandanna as her father interviews that she's "the leader of the team." Aw. Karen grabs a bandanna , and as she runs out of the corral, Linda yells, "You outsmarted a cooow!"
And then Jim and Marsha are at the mat. They're in third. Yay! Bob grabs a bandanna also, and he and Joyce get a carriage. Colin beats a cow. Hmph. That cow wasn't very intense.
Kami/Karli and Chip and Kim are on the bus. Chip explains that they're going to have to get off the bus and run for it, and that he wants to be aggressive, but he's not loving the idea of running off the bus and knocking anyone over or anything like that. Oh, and finally, Marshall and Lance's taxi has gas and is leaving the station. Lance bitches that they lost all the time they thought they'd gained. I feel so bad for them that I can barely laugh. At the bus station, Kami/Karli and Chip and Kim head inside to call taxis. Just then, one pulls up. Kami runs for the taxi, and seeing her go, Chip runs for it, too. They arrive at the taxi at basically the same moment, but she goes back and opens the door, while he stops and talks to the driver. Basically, they have equal claim to the taxi to my eye, because they got there at the same instant and just did different things first. It certainly appears that the only reason she beat him into the back seat is that he stopped and talked to the driver through the window, because she didn't beat him to the car at all. If anything, he had a slight lead as they reached the front of the cab. She starts going, "I'm in, I'm in," as soon as she gets in the cab, but the goofy thing about that is that nobody except for her ever said that putting your butt in the seat was the official way of claiming a taxi. She appears to be the person who made up that rule, so she's really got nothing to complain about at all when other people don't abide by it. Chip is well and easily within his rights. From inside the cab, sitting to Kami, Chip says to the camera that they arrived at the cab at the same time, both teams know how important it is, and he's not getting out, and she's not getting out. It's a tie, and he's totally right. They tied arriving at the bus station, they tied getting to the cab, and it's perfectly fair they should leave at the same time, which is exactly what's going to happen if they both wait for another taxi. Kami has no argument. And weirdly, it doesn't look like either of them tries to negotiate with the driver to agree to take their party and kick the other people out. Because I think the only time you have to get out of a cab is when the driver says you do.
Alison and Donny get off their bus as well, while the Chip/Kami standoff continues.
Commercials. Halle Berry and Sharon Stone is a whole lotta crazy lady in one movie.
When another taxi arrives, Chip gets out and takes it, allowing the girls to leave with a slight lead. "Beat that car, beat that car," they say to their driver as they pull out. "It just felt like it turned really ugly just now," Kami says, because she didn't get her way. And not getting your way is always ugly. Maybe she should have flirted more. Alison and Donny are speeding toward the Roadblock in their cab as well.
Linda and Karen arrive at the pit stop in fourth place. They are shocked to have done that well, all things considered. Marshall and Lance read the Roadblock, and Lance takes it, saying that he "disagree[s] with the whole 'running' thing," which seemed stupid when he said it, but if he means you shouldn't run after the cows, he might be right. He grabs a bandanna. "What up?" he says, for no apparent reason.
"Beat that car, beat that car," Chip is still chanting as he and Kim pursue Kami/Karli toward the Roadblock. "Pass, Eduardo! Pass, Eduardo!" he urges. Eduardo passes Kami/Karli. "Eduardo! We just passed 'em! Eduardo! Eduardo!" Chip cheers. Hee. I like people who cheer for their cab drivers. Karli interviews that they were "pissed" because "Chip turned into a completely different person." Yeah, one that was beating your ass and didn't give in when you expected him to. What a horrible person that Chip must be. ["…Raaaace!" -- Sars] "I did not like Chip," she snots. I'm sure he's heartbroken. The two teams arrive at the Roadblock together.
Elsewhere, Bob and Joyce land on the mat. Welcome, Bob and Joyce, you are team number five. They're so happy that Bob throws his hat in the air. Aw, it's like he graduated from sucking.
Chip and Kami take the Roadblock. Colin and Christie land on the mat. He's not happy about being sixth, because he's intense. Intense! Very intense! Maybe the most intense person ever! Chip and Kami continue to chase the cows. Kami winds up chasing one particular cow, but she gets the wrong angle on it, and after it's already passed her, Chip dives at it and grabs its bandanna. Kami continues the chase.
Here come Alison and Donny to the Roadblock. As Chip and Kim leave, Kami finally gets the cow. Welcome, Marshall and Lance, you are team number seven. Donny gets his cow. As Chip and Kim and Kami/Karli take their carriages toward the pit stop, they both make clear that they think they're battling for last place. So I guess that may mean that Alison and Donny saw them, but they didn't see Alison and Donny. Everyone jumps out and runs. First to the mat are Chip and Kim. When Phil says they're team number eight, Chip's jaw drops, and he turns slowly, realizing that there's a straggler he wasn't accounting for. "Phil, you give good news a lot, man!" And he hugs Phil, too. Everybody really needs to stop violating Phil's personal space. And now Kami/Karli run up to the mat. They've taken off their shirts, for whatever reason, and are wearing their sports bras for their elimination, I guess. "Just tell us," Kami says. "Kami and Karli," Phil says darkly, and then he pauses. And waits. "You're team number nine." They are very happy, I suppose, although they appear almost incapable of expressing emotion, so they just look a little stunned. Phil tries to get a reaction by telling them they're still in the race, and they're like, "Yeah, thanks." "And you know what?" Kami says to Karli. "And we played fair." Oh, great. I love it when we start dourly giving ourselves honor points. Chip played fair, too, Princess. You're just mad because you blew it yourself by not running all the way to the taxi, and you're taking it out on somebody else. Kami lectures some more in an interview about how "fear can bring the worst out in people," and I hate her some more, because if you want everyone to be nice, you should play Go Fish with a bunch of nuns. Fortunately, Chip interviews that his "conscience is clean." As it should be. That whole thing is a lot of smoke and absolutely no fire, and those girls need to shut the hell up.
Oh, look! Alison and Donny. And they're last. As they run up, she tells him not to run so far ahead of her, and he says, "You know what? You disappoint me severely." They hit the mat. Phil tells them that they're last, and that they're out. Phil reminds them that they went from first to last. Donny insists that he expected to be in front of the pack. Oh, well. We've all been disappointed from time to time. Alison voices over that their relationship isn't very healthy, and has "been rough." Donny says, "Dealing with Alison was the hardest part of the race for me. And the race, like, I hate her, I can't believe I'm here with her, I'd rather change partners than be with her, so...the race has really taught me to redefine my love for Alison." (America, in unison: "As hate.")
Executive Producer? Jerry Bruckheimer.
week: Chip and Kim and Kami/Karli still don't like each other. There is a disgusting food Roadblock. A Pizza Boy hates Mirna, which makes it very hard to choose a side.