Episode Report Card Miss Alli: A | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Come on baby, let's do the twist
By Miss Alli | Season 2 | Episode 2 | Aired on 03.12.2002
Anyway, back at the falls, Claire is looking for the flag, and she does find it eventually. She hits the sand with a thunk when jumping off the boat, and then she has a hard time with the climb up to the flag. "I'm only a quarter of the way," she laments with a grin, "and I'm shot." She gets there anyway, and gets back down and into her boat. She informs Peggy they're last, and tells her that she knows it for sure. Which she doesn't, of course. You know, those negativity sandwiches are hard to swallow, ladies.
Mary and the Fruit (are they even on this show anymore?) run up to the finish, and they're fourth. Gary and Dave (who were NINTH starting this leg) pass Jeebus (who were SECOND starting this leg) on the run up to the mat, and they finish fifth. Arrrrgh. Jeebus slides into sixth. Cha-Cha-Cha shows up to nab seventh.
Peggy and Claire drive up. "We are last, Claire," Peggy says dispiritedly. "Yeah, we are last," Claire agrees. God, SHUT UP. As they do the hike, Claire talks about how the falls were all worth it, she has no regrets, blah blah blah defeatismcakes. She does call Phil "Doctor Doom," though, which is pretty funny. The other teams also aren't helping any, because they've all gathered and they're staring somberly as Peggy and Claire approach, because this is going to be so hilarious. Yawn. Phil tells them they're eighth. And in an exact replica of the end of last week's episode, they are shocked. Surprised. Amazed. Thrilled. Hugs and cheers all around. Okay, Peggy and Claire. You got these two episodes to do that. But please don't keep doing that. Please don't do that every week, because it is now officially OLD.
And the big laggers are Paige and Blake and Norm and Hope on that 2:30 bus out of Rio. It's sad, because these two teams were buds a little bit on the first leg, and now they basically know one of them is out. Blake and Paige find a guy with a guidebook on the bus, and they copy a map out of it surreptitiously, feeling guilty but not regretful -- and I don't think they should feel bad at all. It's a race. You're in last. It's you or them, and this is what you do. Anyway, they copy a map that presumably takes them from the landing spot to the falls.
Blake and Paige and Hope and Norm get to the Weeniemobiles and hop in. Paige takes off, and soon realizes she's winging her way the wrong way down a one-way street. Okay, so it wasn't a great map. Norm and Hope need directions, and she hops out and starts asking whether anyone speaks English. She's doing all right until she goes into what looks like a gas station and says, "Map? Map-o?" Yeah, map-o. Not exactly an expert job of speaking to the locals, there, Hope. She means well. You know, learning to say "map," "road," "help," and about ten other words in a few different languages before you leave might be a good idea, I'm thinking. Also, you wouldn't find yourself on national television saying "map-o." ["Maybe she meant Mappo, the lost Marx Brother. Heh. Oh God, I'm Gary. Kill me." -- Sars] Anyway, she finally finds a lady who gives her directions and wishes her luck, and then she and Norm are on their way. But they've fallen behind Blake and Paige, just a little bit. "They're going to be right behind us, Paige," Blake says.
Roadblock. Paige takes it and zooms off in the boat. Norm takes it and zooms off as well. Paige, standing up in the boat. "Jeez, where is it?" she wonders. Norm, speeding along, pumping his fist. "Man, that's awesome," he says, looking at the falls. Paige sees the flag. Norm sees it too. Blake and Hope wait anxiously and awkwardly, knowing it's one or the other of them. "I knew Norm was on his way," Blake voices over ominously. "Here comes a boat," Hope suddenly says to him, and they peer out across the water together. "It's Paiger," Hope and Blake say at the same time. Blake gives Paige a thumbs-up, but you can tell he's trying not to be too showy about it. Paige de-boats, and they're off, with Blake throwing a lame, I-don't-know-what-to-say sort of "see ya" to Hope as he goes. Norm comes toward Hope in his boat.