Episode Report Card Miss Alli: A | Grade It Now! YOU GRADE IT Thank you, wise man
By Miss Alli | Season 1 | Episode 8 | Aired on 10.30.2001
Danza makes its way to the Taj Mahal, where they confirm that they can't get in until 6:00 unless they want to defy some scary-ass guards. They head for a hotel, as Margarita voices over that for the first half of the trip, Frank was such an asshole that she had no fun whatsoever. (She doesn't use those words, but that's her point.) Now, he's chilled out a little, and she's thinking he's not such a terrible guy, and that makes it easier for her to compete. (Ah. Be Nice To Me And I Race Better: The Lesson Team Kenny Never Learned.) She's "more in love with him than [she] was before." In fairness, if "before" was during the shoving, it's hard to believe that wouldn't be true. Once they're at the hotel, they get themselves situated on some poolside furniture to "plan [their] strategy." Frank says that Margarita has shown him a lot of "grit and courage," so he's trying to be less obnoxious, dismissive, and insulting toward her. (He doesn't use those words, but that's his point.) They snuggle on a deck chair, as Frank calls her "a great mother" and "a great friend," and says he "love[s] her for what she's become." Noooo! Not Sensitive Loving Frank! I will not be moved, dammit! I am experiencing cognitive dissonance. You know what else? Her head fits in the spot under his jaw, and that? Is key.
At 6:00 AM, they get into the Taj Mahal. She, as usual, is wearing those little…what, Capri pants? I love those. I mean, you need the skinny legs to pull them off the way she does, but they totally work on her. (F-f-f-fashion!)
6:48 AM. Team Guido, wearing little matching safari outfits I don't think we've seen before. Can I just ask how many damn outfits these two guys have? Are they carrying magical reversible backpacks borrowed from another dimension? Are they using alien technology? They have the red fleece jackets. They have the yellow polo shirts. They have red polo shirts. They have white polo shirts. They have these dumb safari jackets. They have white T-shirts with "Team Guido" rectangular logos that look like souvenirs from the zoo. For God's sake, they have that red tarp from last week. They have hats. They have sunglasses. They have shoes. Furthermore, they always look freshly pressed, so who's carrying the iron? Who has the lint roller? Where is the sewing kit? And…hey! Is Bill…is Bill wearing EYELINER? My Lord. Now somebody has to carry cold cream too!
Anyway, Bill says in an interview that this race is taking place "in the real world," and that "real world circumstances will keep [him and Joe] from winning." Real world? Get a grip, Guido. On the other hand, reality does intrude on Guido's previously "All Good Luck, All The Time" existence, as their cab driver has trouble getting their cab started. "Notice how calm we're being," Joe says, proving that there's no such thing as the wrong moment to be self-congratulatory.