The shtick this season is "Blood vs. Water" which means that former contestants are returning and they're bringing a loved one along to play, too. Some of the returning contestants you definitely remember -- Gervase, Tina, Rupert (blech!), Colton (double blech!) and Kat -- and some you might not. Laura? Candice? Monica? Aras? Tyson? I mean, you probably remember them if you are enough of a fan that you actually read this recaps, but I don't know if the casual viewer would. Anyway, each pair is dropped off on a beach with minimal instructions.
After spending the night in the jungle, the pairs meet up with Probst, who informs them that they will be competing against their loved ones, not with them. The returnees are Galang and the newbies are Tadhana. Once they get buffs, Probst tells them that they now have to immediately vote someone out. The newbies earn my love by immediately voting out Rupert's wife, Laura. HA! That was great. The returnees split their votes between Candice and the returning Laura from Samoa, with Candice getting the majority. As she's getting voted out, I remember who she is. Then Probst tells Laura Rupert (to distinguish her from the other Laura) and Candice that they are going to Redemption Island. But before they go, Probst offers to let their loved ones switch places and go to Redemption Island instead. Rupert, of course, immediately switches places because he's got to act like the hero. And now Laura Rupert is in with the returnees. So now Candice's husband looks like a dick if he doesn't do it, right? He tries to sell it with the "my wife is a tough woman and she can handle it," which is a nice angle. I am rooting for Candice so, so hard. And even more so after Rupert dramatically crushes his voting tablet. God, I can't stand him.
Over on the newbie tribe, Brad (Monica's husband) feels vulnerable because when they were all gathered, he indicated that he might feel like throwing a challenge so that his wife could stick around. He immediately lets his tribe know that he's not planning on throwing a challenge, and if they ever see him dogging one, they can vote him out. Then he runs around and creates a five-man alliance with the other men, although he has a little trouble with the math when trying to explain it to the camera. The other guys are happy to let him take the lead, since that puts a target on his back.
The challenge involves a water-based obstacle course and then untying a boat and paddling it to shore where the rest of the tribe solves a puzzle. Gervase still can't swim and slows his team way down. Not sure why they thought he should be in the water. The newbies take a long time untying their boat, but they are way better at paddling so they get back to shore first. But Galang whips through the puzzle and wins immunity. Gervase gloats after his tribe wins, and it gets noticed.
At Tribal Council, no one says anything very interesting and then Marissa gets voted out, because A) She's not in the male alliance and B) Her uncle gloated, I guess? It seems like a fairly random vote, but the early ones often are. And now she heads to Redemption Island.
Think you've got game? Prove it! Check out Games Without Pity, our new area featuring trivia, puzzle, card, strategy, action and word games -- all free to play and guaranteed to help pass the time until your show starts.
Boy, I'll say this for Survivor: for all of the (often deserved) crap the show takes for the ridiculous twists and potential producer manipulation, the camera work and editing is priceless. The vistas they are showing in this opening are amazing. Thank God they finally went to HD. Anyway, Jeff Probst says in a voiceover that ten pairs of castaways are approaching this season's location, but instead of all going in one boat or airplane, each pair has their own transportation. Some are in a boat, while some in a car. They really missed an opportunity here to just have each mode of transportation be more ridiculous: hot air balloon, mule, rickshaw, Segway, Fred Flintstone car. I would pay good money to see Rupert in a Fred Flintstone car, running through the jungle. Anyway, each pair consists of a returning player and his or her loved one, but they don't know that they will be on separate tribes, not together.
First up is Gervase from the first season, and his niece Marissa. Gervase is sure he's going to win this time around, and Marissa says she's going to win. Gervase agrees that she's driven, but she's also new. This will be a theme: the advantage that the returning players have. But, I don't know how much of an advantage it will be. You'd think the returning players never shut up about their experiences, right? I'm sure Rupert has given many a lecture over the breakfast table about how important it is to build a shelter right away.
Kat from Survivor: One World is playing with her boyfriend, Big Brother winner Hayden. I have watched every season of that show, and I barely remember him. He won? I just looked at the cast picture from the season and I vaguely remember him. I guess he just got overshadowed by Brenchel. (Blech!) Anyway, Kat points out that he's already won a show and now it's her turn. So why did you bring him if you don't want him to win at all?!
Laura is from the Samoa season, I guess. I don't remember her either. I think there might be something wrong with my brain because I just watched Laura's original elimination on YouTube and I barely remember any of those people. Anyway, she's playing with her daughter Ciera. Laura is worried that she won't be able to handle seeing her daughter suffer.
Rupert is back with his wife, Laura. I can't imagine why anyone would marry Rupert. Can you imagine how bad his beard smells? Probst refers to Rupert's "legacy"…like, don't encourage him. Laura says this has always been about Rupert and "Rupert, Rupert, Rupert." Do I sense dissension in the ranks? I wish Laura would just kick him to the curb. Ugh, I can't stand him.
Colton's back. He's a garbage person. I love that Probst refers to his exit as the result of "a mysterious ailment." Heh. Anyway, Colton somehow convinced someone to marry him, and his fiancé Caleb looks normal. Colton claims he's changed.
Candice (who?) and her husband John are like, "We're pretty awesome. People might be jealous." So that will probably work out well for them.
Monica is back with her NFL husband Brad Culpepper. Everyone who watched Monica's season is like, "There's another Culpepper besides Dante?" Who knew? I remember really liked Monica her first time around.
Tina, the winner from Australia, is back with her daughter Katie. Tina says they're both competitive and Katie says she'd love to beat her mother at her own game.
Tyson voted himself out of Heroes and Villains. Oh, yes, he screwed up the change to get rid of either Parvati or Russell, the dummy. Anyway, He's playing with his girlfriend, Rachel, who thinks it's going to be crazy.
Aras (which Probst pronounces, "Ore-us") is playing with his brother Vytas (which rhymes with "fetus"). Turns out Vytas was a heroin addict and also used to beat up Aras when they were kids, so he feels like he has something to make up to his brother. So far, they seem like the most likable pair. I think I would rather watch siblings than a romantic couple.
Every pair has to spend the night on the island alone for reasons unknown to anyone. Maybe that's just how the timing worked out for transportation and they didn't want to do Probst's opening speech while it was getting dark? They all struggle to find a place to sleep, given the damp and the bugs.
Can we talk about the subtitle of this season really quickly? Blood vs. Water? The blood part I sort of get, although not all of the pairs are related by blood. But let's just go with it. But who is water? And why are they against blood? Shouldn't it be blood versus blood? It just makes no sense.
The morning at daybreak, the pairs all make their way to the beach where Probst welcomes them. He quickly breaks the news that they will be playing against their loved ones on separate tribes. He then asks if anyone is looking forward to competing against their loved ones, and over half of them raise their hands. Tina comments that it's going to be really sad to see the other tribe and see that their loved one has gone home. Brad says that on the surface he wants to beat Monica in every challenge. But underneath that, he can imagine that if things are tough and they're competing for something like a tarp, he might want to let Monica win it so she can have some comfort. Everyone else is like, "Did he just admit he would throw a challenge? Because fuck that noise." Brad realizes that he made a mistake and it was the first impression people got of him. Oops.
Probst separates the group into returning players and new players. The returning players greet one another warmly. Tina seems to know everyone. Rupert says in interviews that he was glad he doesn't have to worry about writing his wife's name down, but he's also worried that he can't protect her. How about you let her fight her own battles? How are you going to protect her when you've never even made it to the end yourself? Gah. Anyway, the returning tribe is called Galang and the newbie tribe is called Tadhana.
Time for another twist! Probst tells them that they're each going to vote someone out. He hands out parchments and pens and everyone kind of looks at one another, probably trying to communicate with their eyes. Colton says that if they're going on past behavior, he's probably going home.
Tadhana reveals their votes first. The first vote is for Laura Rupert (as opposed to the returning Laura) and she bitches, "Already! Already a target." Rupert chimes in, "Not good." Shut up, both of you. Laura votes for Marissa, and all of the other votes we see are for Laura. Okay, they had to have talked about that ahead of time, right? You know these alumni get together and discuss alliances and suchlike, and their loved ones were probably included. Anyway, Laura goes over to stand by Probst. Rupert, of course, takes it personally and maybe it was personal against him (since they don't know Laura) or maybe she was just an easy target?
Now the Galang votes are revealed. Candice and Tyson vote for Laura. Tina, Kat, and Colton vote for Candice. Rupert votes for Laura. Monica votes for Candice. Aras clearly HAD written down Candice's name but saw that she was going without his vote so he crossed it out and wrote Gervase, claiming he's a Redskins fan. (Gervase is wearing an Eagles shirt). Everyone laughs. Laura votes for Candice, and she's done.
What they didn't reveal here is that Candice was a last-minute alternate. RC and her dad were supposed to be on the show and then were pulled at the last minute for medical reasons. I'm guessing everyone had already formed alliances and Candice just didn't have time to work her way in.
Probst tells Laura and Candice that they're not out of the game, because Redemption Island will be in play this season. Every person voted out will go there and compete in duels for a shot to get back in the game. Before Candice and Laura can leave, Probst offers their loved ones (Rupert and John) the option to go to Redemption Island for his wife. Before he can finish his sentence, Rupert is headed out to switch. Probst stops him and explains that if Rupert does go, Laura will join Galang, a group of veterans. Rupert turns to look at his tribe and Tina whispers, "No, Rupert, don't."
Well, you know that Rupert is all bravado so if he made a move like he was going to come to his wife's rescue, he can't turn back now because it's a dumb idea. Charge on, Rupert! He converses with his wife for a second and they switch places. Tina interviews that she was "ticked" when Rupert switched with Laura, because they needed Rupert around camp. Did they see the season where Rupert built a shelter and it flooded? Probst tries to tell Rupert that he's put himself in danger and will need to win his way back in, but Rupert interrupts and intones dramatically, "TIME after TIME after TIME, and I WILL." Can he just be a normal person for like three seconds, maybe?
Well, now Candice's husband kind of looks like a dick if he doesn't switch with her, right? They converse and Candice says that she thinks she can beat Rupert, so John lets her go to Redemption Island. He gives it a great spin by saying that his wife is tough and he thinks she can compete and come back. It's smart, because you know Candice would have been the first one voted out at Tadhana. The couple say goodbye and Rupert is even more dramatic while John just quietly sheds a few tears. This is why the producers came up with this twist – to make people cry. John vows to avenge his wife's elimination. I hope he does. He's easy on the eyes, and so is his wife. I'd much rather look at them than crusty old Rupert and Laura. Sorry. Not sorry.
Galang has a group hug and they vow not to go to Tribal Council. Someone jokes that they'd rather see Tyson run around with no shirt and Tyson takes his shirt off. Gervase interviews that he's had the longest layoff between seasons, but he's ready. They start unpacking their supply crate and find tools but no flint. Tyson assures them that he can start a fire. Gervase interviews some more that Laura Rupert is not Galang as far as he's concerned, and he wanted to play with Rupert, not her. Why would you want to play with Rupert? They start making camp and Laura Rupert tries to slice coconuts with a machete without much luck. Everyone gathers around to watch, probably because there seems to be a high likelihood that she's going to chop a finger off, but she doesn't. Aras says he wishes Rupert were there and Laura Rupert takes it pretty well, considering. They all start building shelter, while Tyson, Kat, and Laura M. all get a fire going. Laura M. says that they are really comfortable.
Colton is actually trying to help with a shelter by sawing a piece of bamboo in half, but he's doing it with the bamboo clamped between his legs and the saw headed for his crotch. That seems unsafe. Monica interviews that she played with Colton before and he has a rep as being "mean and vindictive." She pulls Colton aside and says that he hurt her last time they played, but she's willing to put it behind them and move on and trust him. Colton says they need to talk more, but she can trust him. Monica says that she doesn't know if he has changed or even if he can change. She had better keep her guard up.
Over at Tadhana, they are working on building a shelter. The guys are splitting bamboo and setting it up while the women are weaving palm fronds to make a room. Brad says that he made a huge blunder on the beach by intimating that he might throw a challenge to help his wife. Brad gathers everyone together and says he didn't mean it, and he promises that if they ever see him going less than a hundred percent in a challenge, they can vote him out. How nice of him to give permission. Marissa says that she plans to keep an eye on him.
Brad and John find a waterfall and cool off together. Brad interviews that Monica told him that the most important thing was to hit the ground running and make an early and strong alliance. As they are walking back, Brad tells John that the five guys could join together and make an alliance right now. John seems amenable. They are smart enough to return to camp with more bamboo and immediately tell everyone about the waterfall, so it doesn't look like they were taking a long break and strategizing. John interviews smartly that he's not surprised that Brad, the former NFL player, wants to "keep his locker room together," and John's fine with Brad taking the lead on the alliance since it could come back to haunt him later.
Brad then approaches Hayden and Caleb to get them on board. Brad even tells Caleb that he's number one in the alliance (after Brad, I guess). Caleb interviews that he's no dummy and he knows that Brad will have a stronger alliance with Monica and any alliances she brings to the merge, but he's willing to agree to it for now. Vytas is last on the list, and Brad tells him that the "weaker woman and John Cochran"-type winners recently means that type is a bigger threat. Did he just equate Cochran to a weak woman? I think he did.
Then comes the best interview ever in which Brad tries to hold up his fingers to demonstrate how there are nine people on the tribe and so an alliance of five will be able to run the table. Except that he gets confused and holds up five fingers on both hands, realizes his mistake, tries to fix it, fails, and just looks like a buffoon who can't count. This is the mastermind behind the alliance? Oof. He also clearly thought they were going to cut out his mistakes and only use the last take, where he got it right. Heh.
Vytas and Brad are trying to start fire, but they really don't know how. Vytas interviews that building the shelter took a lot out of him and he's getting tired. Ciera, Laura's daughter, watches them and talks about how she was a teen mom, although now she's married and has a second kid with her husband. Brad kind of sticks his foot in it by saying that her mom must have been really disappointed in her. That's not what he says, but that's how it comes off. Then Vytas gives his big confession: he was a junkie and spent a year in jail, and his bad example may have inspired Aras to be the golden child. Vytas interviews that he hopes to use this experience to mend his relationship with his brother. Vytas lived a very gritty life; he was arrested for robbing a woman at an ATM, and prior to that he had overdosed a few times, including once when the cops found him with a needle in his arm in a gas station bathroom. Yikes. Vytas interviews that he doesn't think people will think less of him because of his past, because he has fourteen years clean, so he doesn't mind sharing his past.
Galang sits around the fire and chats at night. Colton makes everyone laugh. He interviews that last time, he played a part due to his own insecurities. He tells everyone that there are nine million people in his state that have the same beliefs and none of them will listen. Really? All nine million of them? You've met them all and they all have the same beliefs? What Colton is trying to say is that he's taken a lot of abuse for being gay, and it's been really hard. That part I can buy. He breaks down squeakily crying and due to Colton's tenure on the show, I wonder how genuine it is. The women all hug him while the guys kind of just stare at him. Monica interviews that none of them have been in Colton's shoes and they can't judge his decisions, and she hopes he has changed. But she's reserving judgment. That's my girl.
Over at Redemption Island (which I had already forgotten existed), Candice is chopping coconuts and pretending each one is a person that voted her out. Rupert just sits in the shade, eats coconut, and conserves his strength. Candice says that living with Rupert is annoying, because he does nothing to ensure their survival. Candice gets coconuts, boils water, cooks rice, etc. while Rupert lounges. Rupert interviews that this is a strategy and he plans to rest up so that he can win the challenge. Candice should just refuse to share and tell Rupert to get his own damn supplies. It might come back to bite her later, or it might not. God, I hope Rupert loses the first Redemption Challenge.
Both tribes get tree mail announcing the first challenge. The clue tells them that the challenge involves swimming, paddling, and puzzles. Ciera and Katie (Tina's daughter) decide to do the puzzle for their tribe, knowing that their moms will probably be doing the puzzle on the other side. Battle of the mother/daughters! I don't find this nearly as entertaining as the people on the show do, but then again, they don't have internet or anything so they have to take their entertainment where they can get it.
Probst greets both tribes and gives Laura Rupert her new buff so that she matches her tribe. He asks Galang how things are going, and Colton says that they have shelter, fire, water, and food. Probst asks who started the fire and pretty much everyone says Tyson except for, I think, Kat, who keeps yelling, "Team effort! Team effort!" Then Probst asks Brad if he believes them, and Brad says he does and then lies that they have fire too. Vytas is like, "Fire all over the place. Huge fires. We had to call in the fire department, because we have so much fire. I mean, Ron Howard made a movie about our camp and called it Backdraft starring a really hot and young Billy Baldwin. Fire. Lots." Way to play it cool, Vytas.
Probst explains the challenge, which is fairly straightforward. Six people will do a water obstacle course, untie a boat, and paddle it back to shore. There's a chest in the boat with puzzle pieces, and the rest of the tribe will assemble a ship's wheel from the pieces and use it to raise a flag and win. The winners get immunity and flint. Probst refrains from saying something sarcastic about how Tadhana doesn't need flint, right?
The two tribes start out. The first obstacle is a net to climb up and over. Tadhana works as a team whereas Galang is kind of every person for him or herself. The second obstacle is a floating barrel. Tadhana is still ahead; Aras struggles with the barrel and no one helps him. The third obstacle is a platform with giant boxes that they have to climb like stairs and then dive off. Tadhana gets through with no trouble, but Gervase is exhausted and can't climb. Aras is the only one who stays back to help him. Once they get past that, Aras has to lifeguard swim with Gervase to get him to the platform.
Tadhana gets their boat untied first, although Galang is not far behind. Galang was allowed to start untying their boat before all their tribe members got there, so when Gervase finally arrived, he just had to get in the boat and start paddling. That doesn't seem fair. Anyway, Tadhana paddles away, working together well, while Galang is going sideways. Colton is in the left rear position and I guess he's trying to steer but it seems like he's doing something different than everyone else and Aras yells at him. Aras is in the back of the boat so he should be the one to determine direction while everyone else just paddles straight ahead. I guess they didn't work this out ahead of time. Kat yells at Colton to paddle strong and then tries to help everyone figure out where they are going wrong and Colton leans over and SCREAMS in her ear, "Shut up and paddle, before I hit you with this fucking paddle!" Whoa. That was a little scary. Kat just rolls her eyes and says, "Oh, hell no." Heh. I think Kat could take Colton in a fight.
Tadhana gets to the beach and unloads the crate of puzzle pieces. Probst tells Galang that they are making a pathetic showing for veterans especially. They finally get to shore too. Caleb, Ciera, and Katie are doing the puzzle for Tadhana and Monica, Tina, and Laura M. are doing the puzzle for Galang. The veterans have a great strategy: work to put all the spokes of the wheel together first (they are in two pieces) and then figure out which spoke goes where. They get that completed pretty quickly and then move on to the second and third bags of pieces. Tadhana is still trying to get the spokes together when Galang has the wheel assembled and raises their flag. Gervase decides to do some trash talking and yells at the losing tribe, "Don't let that fool you! Don't let that fool you!" I have no idea what that even means or why he is saying it. Like don't be fooled by the fact that we won because we're not that good? Colton starts blubbering again and Probst asks why he's crying. Laura M. explains that they're happy they won but sad that they put their loved ones in jeopardy. I want to see the fallout from the Kat/Colton confrontation.
Tadhana trudges back to camp, dejected. Like the Charlie Brown theme is playing, they're so sad. Brad gives a speech telling everyone not to point fingers and blame because it was a tough challenge. John adds that the other team had experience so they weren't as nervous. Someone says, "Poor Gervase" due to his exhaustion, but Marissa jumps in and says that he's an idiot for his celebratory trash-talking, especially after his own weak performance. She basically lets everyone know, "Don't blame me because my uncle is an idiot." Brad points out that gloating is even worse, because one of their loved ones is going home.
Brad and the other men meet quickly and reaffirm their alliance and note that they must soon decide who's going home. Later, while getting water, Brad tells John and Caleb that Gervase's gross display has put the target on Marissa. Why? Brad's logic is that now he wants to send Marissa home to hurt Gervase. But Marissa is a person? With her own agency? Brad also says that he wants to have the strongest tribe going forward. Caleb says that Katie was not helpful at all during the puzzle while Ciera was. Caleb and John seem to be behind Katie leaving.
Vytas thinks that the women know that the guys are working together, so he decides to try to shore up his relationships with the women so he has friends on both sides. He tells Rachel that it's Marisa, and he tells Marisa that it's Katie. I get what he's doing here but it seems like lying might bite him in the ass later. Although I guess none of these people will be on the jury so it doesn't matter. Vytas interviews that he's not super sure about the guys' alliance but for now, it wouldn't make sense to go against them. Brad interviews that none of the women are obvious candidates to vote out, and he also wants to think about how it will affect the other tribe. I'm guessing he means that voting out, say, Marissa will weaken Gervase's position post-merge (if he makes it that far). I guess that's one way to think about it, although I wonder why Rachel's name hasn't come up then.
Tadhana arrives at Tribal Council and lights torches. Hayden immediately admits that they don't have fire, and were just bluffing, and it's been tough. Ciera says she's never been this hungry. Brad thinks having fire would help them be stronger to win challenges. I don't know that strength was their downfall this time around. Also, Probst keeps calling Brad "Culpepper" so I guess he's the chosen Probst crush object this time around, never mind the fact that there is another Culpepper playing this season. Keep it in your pants, Probst.
Probst brings up how John didn't switch places with Candice, and wonders if he has regrets. John says that he has guilt and he chokes up with emotion as he says that he hopes Candice doesn't feel like he let her down. He also says he's going to vote to keep their tribe strong and if he votes out someone that Candice can beat, that's just the icing on the cake. Brad wonders why Gervase was celebrating so much when a loved one is going home. Marisa shakes her head and says that she expected them to handle the win with grace, being veterans. Vytas says that normally the other team doesn't have to worry when they win immunity, but this season is different. Marissa says that she feels guilty by association and she doesn't want to be voted out based on her loved one's actions. She makes a good argument. Probst asks Katie what she's basing her vote on, and she's worried that it will be based on challenge performance, and she screwed up. Brad doesn't think they are all basing it solely on performance and Marissa looks worried.
Voting takes place. Looks like Marissa gets all of the votes except obviously her own. She's headed to Redemption Island. Probst says it was the first vote and first blindside. Really? I don't feel like that counts as a blindside. It was kind of just a vote. I mean, Brad pretty much said he was voting her out because of what Gervase did. It was a stupid reason, but it seems like Brad is taking the lead and no one wants to challenge him just yet because he's only making the target on his own back bigger.