Cochran opens the reunion by giving some of the best game advice I've ever heard. He says that you have to go to bed every night thinking about the best move for each of your opponents so that you can make arguments that take into account their self-interests. He adds that you need to be calm without being complacent and vigilant without being paranoid.
Dawn has a pretty good attitude about how much she cried. Probst tries to get her to talk about how the social media affected her, and she says that she shut down her Twitter account because she knows who she is and didn't need to see the negativity. They bring Brenda in via satellite (she's super pregnant and can't travel) to talk about their betrayal and they make up, sort of. They don't seem upset anymore, regardless.
Phillip whatever, but we do get a special appearance from Boston Rob, who has made a book? I don't get if this is a bit or if Rob is hawking his book or what. It's dumb.
Then Probst salivates all over Malcolm for a while. Gross. Andrea comes off as pretty likable. I think other than Cochran, Andrea might win the award for Most Redeemed.
Then there's a retrospective look back at season one for no reason that I can see, where Probst talks to Rudy who is really, really old, and then there's a taped bit from Richard Hatch, and just as I'm thinking they would never show the clip where Rudy calls Richard a queer, Rudy busts out, "I didn't even get to call him a queer!" Um.
Malcolm wins Fan Favorite, of course.
Then Probst makes it out like season is going to be a huge surprise when, as usual, pretty much everyone knows that it's returning cast members playing with family members, and if you look around, you can even find a cast list already.
Turns out they only put the jury members up on stage, and I honestly didn't miss the pre-jury people, but I'm sure they were pissed to be ignored.
Cochran was just announced as the winner and had a few minutes to dispense hugs to family while the rest of us took a commercial break. I don't know if it's the money, but with a decent hair cut and some hipster glasses and the dimples, Cochran is... kind of cute? Like I wouldn't be surprised to see him getting some female attention.
The group is smaller than usual: turns out that they're only letting the jury members and finalists sit on stage, while the pre-jury evictees are relegated to the studio audience. Probst claimed in an interview that it was because they are in a new location and didn't have room for them, but I think that's horseshit. I think they were trying not to draw attention to the fact that Brandon was asked not to attend. Look, there's rarely anything useful from the pre-jury members being on stage, so I'm not sorry about that. What does bother me is that -- according to interviews/social media posts from them -- production didn't tell them that they weren't going to be on stage until the day of the reunion. So they all flew out to California, bought new outfits and told all their friends and family to watch... and then they're never really shown on camera. Bullshit. Handled poorly by production and handled poorly by Probst in post-reunion interviews. Just admit that it was botched, that you're sorry those people were disappointed, and you'll do better time. Yet another example of the producers acting like they exist on a closed set, where no information gets out.
Anyway, back to the winner. We're treated to a quick clip detailing Cochran's journey from nerd to winner (or nerd to nerdy winner). Probst tells Cochran that he dominated the game, when he came into the show a huge nerd. And Probst can't believe that Cochran actually dresses nice! Probst kind of has a Madonna/whore complex with dudes -- it's like a bro/nerd complex. He can't imagine that someone could be both. Cochran explains that he was very worried the first time he played about how he would be perceived, but this time he was able to relax more and be confident. Probst then urges Cochran to tell us about how kids are inspired by his tale of success. Cochran allows that he's a "scrappy underdog."
Probst wants to know how Cochran has changed, because he seems very different. Didn't we already cover this? I don't get what Probst wants Cochran to say. Maybe, "Thank you, Probst, for transforming me into a true alpha male! I couldn't have done it without you, bro." Anyway, Cochran says that he wishes he could travel back in time to when he was a 13-year-old watching Richard Hatch win the first season and tell him that one day, he would win his own season.
Finally, something both interesting and useful! Probst asks Cochran what he would advise a new player. Cochran says there are three things. The first, he took from Boston Rob: you should go to bed each night and think of what the best move would be for each of your opponents, and then craft an argument that will appeal to each person's self-interests. The second is to be calm without being complacent and the third is to be vigilant without being paranoid. Such good advice.
Probst points out that Cochran just graduated Harvard Law and wants to know what's . Cochran says that he's not planning on being a lawyer, and instead his dream is to be a writer. I think he'd be a great writer, if he gets a good editor. He's kind of verbose.
Probst has a Twitter question about how he feels about being a sex symbol. He never really answers but manages to get his Twitter handle out there and admits that he's single.
Moving on to Dawn, Probst says that she was there with Cochran the whole time, but with a very different result and a lot of tears. Cue the clip package of Dawn crying and crying and crying some more. Probst asks Dawn to explain her emotional breakdowns, since everyone else went through the same thing but didn't cry constantly. Dawn says that, for her, it was really hard to vote out people she felt close to, and it all started when she voted out Corinne. Cut to Corinne in the audience (who looks AWFUL with all the make up on) giving Dawn the heart hands since she's not allowed to speak, apparently.
Probst brings up the beating Dawn took over social media after the episode aired when she voted out Brenda. You know, like death threats. Probst points out how television has changed because fans can interact with the cast and it can be hurtful. Dawn assures him that she knows who she is now and has her family's support, so it didn't really bother her. She adds that she did shut down her Twitter account because she chose not to read the negativity. I think that's the exact right way to handle it. What else can she do? Engage with the lunatics? No, thank you.
Now Probst wants to talk about Dawn voting off Brenda. And Brenda's there via satellite, which they don't explain quite yet. It's always awkward talking to someone via satellite because there's a delay, so this whole segment is like triple awkward. Probst doesn't help when he tries to force Dawn to apologize to Brenda for voting her out. Why should Dawn apologize? She was playing the game. She should say, "Brenda, I'm sorry that I had to vote you out, but it's because you were such a huge threat to my game and I wanted to win." That's the only apology she should make. You know who should apologize? Brenda, for her bullshit bullying at the final Tribal Council. Anyway, she doesn't apologize, but she does reveal that she's hugely pregnant and due any day. A lot of people were confused about the timing, but this season finished filming nearly a year ago, so she didn't get pregnant until she was back.
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Probst moves on to talk to Phillip and asks if he got a different response his second time out. Phillip says that everyone loved the way he played this season. He runs into people in public and then watches episodes with them. Weird. I wouldn't want Phillip in my house. He crazy. Phillip gives Probst his official Stealth R Us nickname, Piercing Eagle. Why are we still talking to him? Anyway, Phillip modeled his game after his time with Boston Rob and tried to follow the BR Rules. Boston Rob is in the audience and he gives a really overly prepared speech about how he has written the Boston Rob Rulebook (which he is selling on his website). I love Boston Rob. I would love to see him play the game again, and I know that's not a hugely popular opinion. But I did not need to see him pimping his stupid self-published book on the reunion show.
Malcolm! It's his time. Whatever your feelings about him personally, you can't deny that he actually made this season interesting when it looked like a snoozer. Probst reveals that Malcolm only had a week after his first season before he went out for the second season. Malcolm says that he's learned humility (really?). Malcolm also clarifies that he did look for the hidden Idol when Andrea was sitting there, but they didn't really show it. Then they show a clip from Malcolm being on The Bold and the Beautiful and he is a terrible actor. TERRIBLE. Even for a soap opera.
Malcolm says that he has a lot of fans that are kids, and Probst goes out in the audience to talk to a young girl about why she loves Malcolm. She acts like she's never heard these questions before. Shouldn't a PA have prepped her a little? She's cute and all, but that was a useless segment.
Probst wisely moves on to Andrea, and says that the boys always get her into trouble. Andrea jokes that they have to stop putting her out there with such handsome guys. Andrea says that she totally respected the game and knew that blindsiding her was the best move, so she went out laughing.
Probst asks Reynold what the returning players knew that he didn't. Reynold says that they knew how to be detached and separate relationships from the game. They didn't take it personally. That might be the smartest thing Reynold's ever said on this show.
Now a quick flashback to Season One. Why? It's not a milestone season. I will tell you that this inspired me to go back and watch the first season on Hulu and the most surprising thing to me was how much of the show was in place in that first episode. I mean, a lot has changed, but so much has not. Probst has gotten much better. People are much less naïve about alliances. The challenges are WAY better. But the structure of the show is nearly the same.
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Anyway, Probst goes into the audience to talk to Rudy, who would not survive more than like a week in the current iteration of the show, even if he wasn't an old homophobe who says "queer" twice in the interview. Obviously, no one explained to him that you can't say that anymore. Between Boston Rob, the little girl and now Rudy, some PA needs to be fired for not doing a pre-interview. Then there's a taped segment from jailbird Richard Hatch, who is naked HA HA and let's move on.
Then Probst talks to Eddie's brother in the audience for no apparent reason and says that the Fan Favorite vote came down to Brenda or Malcolm and Malcolm won. Now you know Malcolm will be back a third time, in case there was any doubt.
Probst gives Cochran his tiny little check. What happened to the giant novelty check of yore? Then Probst teases season, which is called "Blood vs. Water". They've already announces that it involves returning players and their family members, so I don't know why they have all the secrecy.
Hey, remember Eddie? And Sherri, who tied for second place? Not to mention Erik and Michael? Hope you didn't want to talk to them at all. I guess we needed that extra time to hear more from Rudy. This reunion was awful. As I said, I don't necessarily need to hear from every player, but I would like to hear more about people's strategies, where it all went wrong, what they did right, and what they learned. This was just bad.
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