The men are worried that leaving Bill in the game could come back to bite them in the collective ass, because they think he might be able to split their "misfit alliance." Meanwhile, the women are eating snails, and they turn down Jonas's offer to use their fishing net and give them half of the haul.
Reward challenge offers a choice of three prizes: Comfort (pillows, blankets and a mattress), Protection (tarp), or Luxury (donuts and coffee). The challenge involves using a slingshot to fling coconuts at a giant grid of wooden panels. The winners must knock out five squares in a row or column. The women make quick work of it, disproving Coach's theory last season that women can't handle this slingshot. The women take the tarp, even though they really want the donuts and coffee, so at least they're not being complete idiots, yet.
Leif accidentally tells Bill that they nearly voted him out at the last Tribal Council. Mike rats him out to Colton, who pulls Leif aside and tells him that it was a dumb move, and Leif has sealed his fate. Of course, Colton can't go against Leif without calling a number of derogatory names related to Leif's stature, because Colton is a garbage person.
When the women get the invitation for the challenge, it's a puzzle, so they figure that the challenge will be a puzzle as well, and they'll be paired. Kat immediately admits that she's terrible at puzzles so she needs to be paired with someone awesome, and not Alicia. Alicia takes offense to that, and thinks Kat is calling her stupid, and of course starts a fight with her minutes before they go to the challenge. Sabrina tries to quash it.
The challenge involves being paired up. Each pair has to cross a teeter-totter and solve a puzzle, and then retrieve a key. Once all three keys have been retrieved, the team has to open three locks and raise a flag. Chelsea and Alicia are the first pair for the women, and they still haven't solved their puzzle while the men are on their third puzzle. They even look at the men's completed puzzle and it still takes them a lot of time to finish. Tarzan gets really mad that they're "cheating", even though Probst says it's fine, so it's not really cheating. It doesn't really matter because the men win, which gives Probst plenty of opportunity to lecture the women on how terrible they are and how they aren't taking the game seriously. Ugh. Note that the men didn't get this lecture when they lost immunity – he just questioned if they were losing momentum.
After the challenge, the women are thinking about dumping Alicia. Meanwhile, Bill wants to talk to Colton about their beef, but Colton refuses to talk to him. Bill gets in Colton's face and it makes Colton so mad that he proposes offering to go to Tribal Council instead of the women so they can get rid of Bill. Tarzan gets wind of the idea and he confronts Leif and says that Leif betrayed them and has to go. WTF is happening? Bill's all for this idea so that he can take advantage of the tribe's anger at Leif and spare himself.
So the men end up giving Immunity away and going to Tribal. They are idiots. They are numbskulls. What are they doing? Even if someone is incredibly annoying, better the devil you know going into the merger, right? Probst is dumbfounded when the men show up, as no tribe has ever won immunity and then gone to Tribal Council anyway. The only way I would enjoy this would be if they blindsided Colton. That would be great. If only one of them were smart enough to put that together.
At Tribal, Probst tries to make sense of the whole thing, but there's no sense to be made. Colton tells Bill that he needs to get a real job. Does Colton have a job? Also, Probst gets Colton to admit that they only African-American in his life is his housekeeper. Ouch. Bill finally flips and accuses Colton of never working an honest day in his life. Colton digs his grave further by talking about how the rednecks live in trailers and they judge him for being gay, but his country club friends are educated and open. Tarzan tries to stick up for Colton, but Probst sees right through his blatant ass-kissing and when Tarzan can't back it up with facts, Tarzan just starts yelling about how we should live in a post-racial world. I am seriously confused as to what is happening here.
So it appears the whole Leif thing was a smokescreen, and Bill goes home. I don't think I can root for anyone anymore. They're all idiots.
Manono. Night 8. The men are returning from Tribal Council. Michael laments that they got rid of Matt, and he thinks it's a case of the weak guys trying to get rid of the stronger guys, but he thinks it will backfire because they will start losing challenges. He could be right. Then again, if their weakest guys are stronger than the strongest women, they're fine. Tarzan and Troy have a quick sidebar where they discuss how they think they can let Michael float for a while, because he's so inconsequential.
Tarzan interviews that his alliance is solid, and reviews that his alliance is Troy, Jonas, Colton, Leif, and him. Hey, did you guys know that Leif sleeps in the box they won in the knotted rope challenge? Seriously. There's a shot of him getting into the box and putting the lid on, like a tiny coffin. It's simultaneously creepy and awesome. I would bet it's pretty quiet in there, and the lid contains his body heat and keeps out rain. I couldn't do it due to claustrophobia issues, but more power to him. Anyway, Tarzan and Troy agree that Bill needs to be the to go, because he's the most likely to pull people away from their alliance with his charm and "beguiling character." Really? Him? Then again, if your competition in the charm parade consists of Garbage Person Colton and Blahsicle Michael, I guess Bill would win.
The morning at Salani, Monica and Chelsea are taking snails out of their shells to eat. Monica interviews that the women are having a turnaround, and they're eating well between snails, coconuts, and rice. Don't they have fishing equipment? Why aren't they eating fish? I don't understand. Jonas and Troy come over to the women's camp and make small talk about snails before Jonas lays out his proposal: being from Hawaii, he knows how to use fishing nets, and the women don't. So he will use the net and catch a ton of fish, and the women get to keep half of the haul. Chelsea interviews that she finds it hilarious that the tables have completely turned. Chelsea tells Jonas that she might sound like "a cold-hearted bitch" but she can't feed the enemy. Interesting how Sabrina is supposed to be the team leader but Chelsea seems to be calling the shots here.
At first, I thought the women were making a mistake here, because half the fish is better than the zero fish they have now. But if what Monica said is true, and they're doing fine without fish, then it makes a little more sense to have zero fish as long as the men also have zero fish. Jonas claims he doesn't care either way, because they're totally fine without fish. Well, if that's true, then why is he making this offer at all? Out of the goodness of his heart? I doubt it. Kim points out that Jonas obviously does care. Troy loses the tiny amount of goodwill he had built up with me when he basically interviews, "Them bitches be crazy! Because bitches be crazy, amirite? LOL." He blames the women's no vote on their hormones and whatnot. Ugh. Troy interviews that the women can do nothing and get free food, so he doesn't see the problem. He's kind of leaving out the part where the men get half of the food, which is more than they would have otherwise. I mean, if they were going to use the net and give the women ALL of the fish, that's a no-brainer.
Reward Challenge. The teams will use a slingshot to toss coconuts at a 5x5 wall of targets. In order for it to count as a hit, the majority of the wooden target has to be knocked out. The first team to get five in a row, horizontally, vertically, or diagonally, wins the reward. The reward is a choice of three prizes: comfort (pillows and mattresses and blankets), protection (a tarp), or luxury (donuts and coffee with a French press coffee maker). Everyone freaks out about the donuts.
The men sit Bill out (or he quickly volunteers to do so). The first few players to go manage to partially knock out tiles, but not enough. Tarzan is the first to knock out a tile for his team, and then Kat smashes a tile completely, so I guess she's not totally useless. Many of the following people partially break tiles, and then Monica smashes another tile for the women. At this point, the women have two in a row horizontally and two vertically, so they're cooking. Christina somehow completely knocks herself over and still misses hitting anything with her coconut.
The game continues with more panels being smashed by the women and few by the men until the women have four in a row going right down the center. Jonas is up for the men and Tarzan keeps calling him Jason. Probst yells out, "Jonas is up for the men" and Tarzan says, "Come on, Jason." Does he have faulty hearing or is he just clueless? Someone else on the tribe says, "His name's Jonas." I feel like they might be getting annoyed with ol' Tarzan. Anyway, Jonas hits a target, and so does Chelsea, but she doesn't get the one they need to win.
Colton and Monica are up. Colton gets his coconut through a hole. Monica takes aim and her team tells her to aim lower. She adjusts her trajectory and lets the coconut fly... and it hits the last target. The women win! They do a celebratory dance. Tarzan yells that winning the last three challenges was just luck, because he's a dried up bitter old man who can't hear. Now the women have a choice to make, so they discuss what to do. They know they have to choose the tarp, so Monica retrieves it. After the women leave, Probst tells the men that this is looking like "a very competitive game" instead of a blowout. Note that he doesn't lecture the men or mansplain to them what they need to do in order to turn things around, or chastise them for not having a clear leader or whatever bullshit he usually throws around when the women lose a challenge.
The women return to their camp and put a hand in for a Solani cheer. I think they need to work on that move. It was kind of pathetic. Sabrina interviews that "Tarzan with his crusty ass" was talking about luck, and she was like, "Luck these." I love her. Meanwhile, at the men's camp, the men are talking about how their win was a fluke and they didn't have enough time to learn the game. Bill points out that the women didn't have time either. Jonas justifies it by saying that he'd rather be up one in numbers than have two tarps. Keep that in mind. Bill interviews that their thoughts on the women being a weaker tribe are "out the window." Last week he said that the One World thing was out the window. He likes to throw things out the window. Someone should introduce him to the word defenestration, just so he could mix things up a bit.
Bill and Leif are having a chat on the beach, talking about how it was a tough challenge and whatnot. Leif says he'd really like to find an idol, and Bill says that he would too. Of course, neither of them are actually looking for an idol, so they must not want to find one too badly. Leif casually says that he's glad he got the chance to talk to Bill and he's glad they didn't vote him out last week when Colton wanted to do so. Bill looks up sharply. I still can't decide if Leif just slipped, or if that was intentional. I think he slipped because they were talking casually and Leif thought Bill already knew. Leif asks Bill not to tell anyone they were talking about this, and then just tells Bill that they went with Matt and now everyone likes Bill. Well, that's not exactly true. Bill is shocked to find out that he was so close to getting voted out, and he and Leif end things by agreeing to tell one another if they find an idol.
Michael immediately runs to Colton and says that he saw Bill and Leif deep in serious conversation. Colton says, "That little munchkin's about to get knocked back to Oz." You might think that's the most awful thing Colton will say this week. Well, hold on. Colton orders Michael to go get Leif. Michael's no dummy, because he hopes to deflect attention from himself by putting it onto Leif. Anyway, Leif comes over and does a horrible job explaining what he was doing talking to Bill. First, he tries to say he didn't tell Bill he was on the chopping block, and then when Colton demands to hear the truth, Leif caves and says that he did tell Bill they were after him. Leif is terrible at this game. How hard would it be to say, "Nothing man, we were just talking about the challenge." And then WALK AWAY. They might have suspicions but they won't know anything for sure. Then create a distraction (like Michael just did) and you're golden. Anyway, Colton gets super dramatic and tells Leif that he just sealed his fate, and then Colton interviews that Leif is "an annoying Oompa Loompa." Do you think Colton knows those things are offensive and says them anyway, or doesn't even know that they're offensive? Not that it matters. He's still made out of garbage. Colton tells Leif that he dug his own grave and picked the wrong side. Leif interviews that he stuck his foot in his mouth and no one trusts him anymore. Why are we all listening to Colton again? Ugh.
The morning, the women get tree mail. It's a puzzle (a really easy one) that they have to assemble before reading; it reveals that they'll be working in pairs and doing a puzzle. Kat says that she needs to be partnered with someone who's good at puzzles because she's totally not. Someone says they should stick with the same partners from the last challenge, and Kat says to Alicia, "You're not good at puzzles. Not that good, are you?" Now. That was kind of a rude thing to say, but I thought they were friends. And I think what Kat meant was that she should be paired with the person who's the BEST at puzzles, because she's so bad. Alicia gets all offended. Sabrina intercedes to smooth things over. She lets Kat explain that she wasn't calling Alicia stupid, but Alicia says that she did take it that way, and she's got an attitude about it. Sabrina interviews that Kat was just saying that she's not that great at puzzles, and Alicia took it personally, and they don't need that kind of conflict right before a challenge.
And speaking of challenges, it's time for the Immunity Challenge. The teams will split into pairs. Each pair has to run across a teeter-totter and complete a puzzle, which will give them a key. Once all three keys have been retrieved, one final team member will use the keys to unlock a box and raise a flag. Jonas is sitting out for the men.
The first two pairs out are Alicia and Chelsea (so they obviously calmed her down about working with Kat) and Tarzan and Colton. They have to do a puzzle that involves arranging logs of differing lengths so that they form a solid rectangle. Colton and Tarzan finish it off quickly, then remember to grab their key and go back.
Jay and Michael head to the second puzzle, where four pieces need to form a pyramid. Tarzan yells to them "Three corner base" while Colton rolls their eyes. Meanwhile, Probst is haranguing the women about taking such a long time with the easiest puzzle. And the men finish puzzle number two.
Troy and Bill head out to do the third puzzle. The other women tell the women to go check out the men's finished puzzle to see if they can figure it out. They go take a look while the men yell "Cheater" at them. Well, it's mostly Tarzan yelling. Even with the "cheating" (it's totally not cheating because Probst saw them do it and didn't say anything, and while it may be ethically unclear, it's not against the letter of the law), the women still struggle but do finally finish their puzzle and run back. Also, when you're winning by a lot, it's really poor form to harass the people who are losing, TARZAN.
The third puzzle is one of those sliding puzzle where you have to slide tiles around to form an image. Sabrina and Kim are working on the second puzzle, and Probst even says that they have a model to look at, but when they do look over at the men's completed puzzle, Tarzan starts yelling about them being cheaters again. And then Bill and Troy complete the third puzzle and run back with the third key.
Now Leif just has to open three locks to win immunity. He opens them quickly and raises the flag, and the men win immunity. Wow, did the women suck at that. Leif is probably happier than anyone that they won, since he was possibly on the chopping block. Once the men have finished celebrating, Probst has to condescend to the women for a while, because that's apparently his job. He tells them that it was a blowout, and points out that Alicia and Chelsea were still working on the first puzzle when the men were almost done with the challenge. Alicia is embarrassed and smirks, and Probst calls her out for smiling. Um, she's embarrassed, so she's smirking? Who hasn't done that? I don't like Alicia, but seriously, Probst never harasses the men like this when they lose, and he doesn't call out individuals for sucking at the challenge. God, he's awful. I mean, he's a good host, but I can't believe no one has pointed out to him how sexist he can be. And it really becomes obvious when it's men versus women. Also, why is the failure only Alicia's fault? Why not Chelsea? As they leave, Christina says that Alicia's attitude was "repulsive" but she hopes it will convince the others that Alicia has to go.
The men return from the challenge in a celebratory mood. Bill interviews that he's psyched that they won, and he knows that he may have saved his own butt with that win, since he was on the chopping block. Oh, sweet irony.
Over on the women's tribe, someone asks what happened with that challenge. Chelsea says that the puzzle was harder than it looked, and Alicia points out that she and Chelsea usually do well in challenges, so it was an anomaly. Sabrina interviews that she was pissed when Alicia was laughing about losing the challenge, and if you add that behavior to Alicia's generally shitty attitude, it adds up to Sabrina considering getting Alicia out. Sabrina takes a walk with Kim and brings up the idea of getting rid of Alicia. Kim doesn't like the idea, since Alicia is part of their original alliance, and plus Christina is no better at challenges. Sabrina responds that at least Christina contributes around camp, and she hasn't started any fights with other tribe members, something you can't say about Alicia. Kim interviews that she thought Christina was a lock to get eliminated and now Sabrina is trying to shake things up, so it's going to be an interesting afternoon. I love how Kim pretends in her interviews that she's not secretly running this tribe.
Over at the men's tribe, Bill decides to try to be a grownup and go talk to Colton about their issues. Colton, who is lounging in a chair as usual, puts his arm over his eyes and says he doesn't want to talk game right now, and they're not going to tribal council so there's no point. I get what Colton's saying, but it's also so rude to dismiss someone who is trying to have an adult conversation. Bill isn't having it, so he squats down to get on Colton's level and asks what he's done to make Colton hate him so much. Colton acts like a child and accuses Bill of being wishy-washy, and adds, "You're going home so it really doesn't matter." Bill continues trying to talk and Colton just says, "Bye!" What an asshole. Bill interviews that he found his attempts at conversation incredibly frustrating. Colton finally stands up and says that he doesn't even want Bill around him and Bill should stop talking to him. Bill calls him a "stuck up brat" and keeps standing in Colton's way as he tries to walk away. Colton interviews that Bill is disgusting and he hates him, and he needs to get a real job. Colton is a child. Who can't at least put on an indifferent face when confronted by someone you dislike?
So then Colton goes up to Troy and Jonas to complain about Bill's behavior. Colton also drops the news that Leif ratted them out to Bill. Colton says "casually" that he might go to the girls and ask if they want to trade immunity so that the men can go to Tribal and get rid of Bill. Troy and Jonas don't really react because it's the dumbest thing Colton's ever said, and that's saying something. Colton continues his sales job by saying that if you go into the merge with numbers, but those numbers aren't on your side, it doesn't matter. So he's assuming that Bill would side with the women after the merge, and I don't know that that is true. It seems like Bill is willing to work within their tribe if Colton would stop being a child and let them. Somehow he has convinced everyone that Bill is not on the men's side. Has anyone asked Bill about this? Jonas ineffectually says that it doesn't seem like anyone has every given up tribal immunity, and then interviews that he doesn't like the idea but Colton is calling the shots, so he has to go along with it. Does he? Wouldn't this be a great time to get rid of Colton, who is useless and annoying and mean? Tell him you want to go to Tribal to get rid of Bill and then blindside Colton? God, I wish someone would put that together.
Colton floats the idea past Jay and Michael, and gives them the hard sell. Jay thinks they're making a hasty decision. Troy and Tarzan are out fishing, and Troy tells Tarzan what's going on: Leif told Bill they wanted to vote him out, and Bill went crazy. They think that Leif is a loose cannon. I think they are focusing their energies on the wrong target. Tarzan interviews that when a group of men get together and make a pact, and then someone goes against the pact, that is a BETRAYAL. Tarzan stalks out of the water and tells Chelsea that the women might not have to go to Tribal Council because, "[the men] have a BETRAYAL!" Chelsea cracks up because seriously? Kat asks if them if the men have lost their minds. Kat! Kat is the voice of reason here!
All the men gather in a circle so that Tarzan can lecture Leif like a dog that pooped in the house. Seriously. Here's what he says: "Leif, what you have done is egregious. You should NOT have done that. That is BAD." I use more nuance and respect when scolding my toddlers. Someone asks what they are going to do at Tribal, and Tarzan says they are going to vote Leif out. Colton and Troy exchange looks. I think this was all a setup to get Bill to agree to go to Tribal Council. I hope so, because at least then Tarzan's bad acting makes a little more sense. Jay interviews that he has no idea what is going on. Tarzan asks Leif what he thinks should happen, and then tells Leif what's going to happen: he's going home for his betrayal. So why ask him? This whole scene is bananas.
The women talk about how much drama the men have in their camp after a win and Sabrina says basically, "Who gives a shit? It would be awesome not to go to Tribal Council!" Kat interviews that the men have lost their marbles, and she hopes that the men follow through on their threat, because it will be a boost for the women.
The men have clearly consulted with producers to find out what needs to happen for a tribe to give up immunity, and it turns out that it has to be a unanimous decision. Now why would Leif or Bill agree to do this? One of them is going home. I think the men tried to get Bill to think they were voting for Leif, and that's why he agreed to go? I mean, no one likes Bill anyway. So if he refuses to give up immunity, they will not like him more? Who cares? This is a dumb move on his part. I mean, it's a dumb move on anyone's part, because no matter how terrible someone on your tribe is, you never vote someone out when you don't have to. Even if you don't need the numbers, Tribal Council is not a pleasant place, and shit goes down. It's not a place of healing, is what I'm saying.
Tarzan specifically asks Bill what he wants to do and Bill laughs, but interviews that if he can take advantage of the groundswell against Leif, it might be to his advantage. Yeah, but what if they're not planning to vote out Leif? Did Bill even think of that? Jay says that he's "bum-puzzled" right now. You and me both, Jay. Sabrina tells the women that something like this would never happen on their tribe, and Monica says that she doesn't want to go to Tribal and vote someone out.
So what happened? We see a line of people holding torches approaching camp, and sure enough, the men walk in. Probst has a look on his face like, "THE FUCK?" and then "AWESOME!" and then "Holy shit." Once the men are seated, Probst says that in all of the seasons, a tribe has never arrived at Tribal Council after winning immunity. Probst asks Troy what happened, and he says that everyone got together and agreed to give up immunity to vote Bill out. But then Leif told Bill they were voting him out, and that broke trust. Um, that's not at all the order of operations. Leif told Bill they were going to vote him out LAST TIME, and then they decided to give up immunity. That's a nice story that Troy is telling though.
Probst clarifies that Leif gave up secrets from his alliance. Leif says that he plays with his heart, and he's been getting closer to Bill on a friend level. Leif also says that Bill asked and Leif told him, which also isn't how it went down. There's a whole lot of retcon going on here. Either that, or we aren't being shown large chunks of the events as they happened. I'm still going with the theory that this is all an elaborate ruse to get Bill to agree to go to Tribal. Probst asks Jay why it's so urgent to get rid of Leif. Jay admits that he didn't see the point at first, but he felt he had to go along with the tribe or put a target on his own back. Yes, but Bill could have said no. He already has a target on his back! I am bum-puzzled by Bill's actions.
Probst asks Bill if he thinks this could go down as the dumbest move ever in the game, since not just one person gave up immunity but eight people gave up immunity. Bill says that it could be, but they won't know until it plays out. But they don't want to go into a merge with someone who can't be trusted. But wouldn't you rather have someone that you could maybe trust than be outnumbered by people from the other tribe? Probst asks Colton when this idea started. Colton says that it started when he heard about Leif's betrayal, and adds that if he doesn't like someone, he doesn't want them around at all. Probst asks who he doesn't like, and Colton says Bill, because he's "obnoxious and loud and a struggling standup comic." Colton says that with such disgust. Also, I feel like "obnoxious and loud" is code for "black." Bill doesn't get what's so bad about being a standup, and Colton tells him to get a real job. Wait, does Colton have a job? I mean, other than being made out of garbage and making ridiculous, offensive, and racist statements?
Bill takes the high road and says that he loves Colton but they come from very different backgrounds. Colton tries to interrupt but Bill asks for time to respond. Bill adds that he's not talking about race, and he's been on his own since he was seventeen, and he's poor because that's part of making it in his business. Probst asks Colton about his background. Colton says he's from a small town in Alabama, and he went to an all-white private school, but he does have African-American people in his life. I'm guessing he wasn't expecting Probst to actually follow up on that by asking, "Who?" Colton giggles and says, "My housekeeper." Ouch. And THEN! Colton makes it worse by claiming that his housekeeper is like part of his family. Probst points out that they do pay her, and I'd like to hear the housekeeper's unvarnished opinions on Colton's family and Colton in particular. Can you imagine cleaning up after Colton? He is totally the type to leave food under his bed in his room for weeks at a time, and old glasses of milk. And dirty underwear. Ugh, Colton is the worst. He claims that his problem with Bill has nothing to do with race; it's because he feels sorry for himself because he's poor. Colton also thinks Bill needs to have a back-up plan for his career. Bill loses it and goes off saying that he's following his dreams and how dare Colton judge him, and Bill doesn't work FOR anyone. Plus, Colton has never worked an honest day in his life, which is true enough. Colton keeps rolling his neck and his eyes and licking his lips and what is his problem? Probst asks if anyone in Colton's life looks down on him for being gay. Colton is sure there are, but the people that he associates with, the rich, educated types, are more open-minded. The problem is with the ones who drive trucks with Rebel flags and live in trailers. I...I can't. I can't even. I just can't parse all of the classist, racist, closed-minded, bigoted parts of that sentence. I can't. I'm glad that Colton has never had to experience homophobia, and I'm sure it has NOTHING to do with his privileged position in his small town. Gah. I do NOT get why they are keeping him.
Tarzan raises his hand to give us all a lecture on how this conversation is unfair to both Bill and Colton and especially Colton, who has been painted as a rich kid who never had to lift a finger. Um, maybe because that's exactly what he is. Probst asks who painted Colton in that light, and Tarzan chooses to ignore the question and start yelling about how they need to quit talking about the races, and base their judgments on how people act. I mean, it's a nice sentiment and all, and Tarzan seems to think we are in a post-racial society since we elected a black President, but that's a pipe dream. And also, thanks for the lecture, Grandpa. Can we vote him out too? Let's get rid of Colton and Tarzan, and then we've got a game. Probst notes that the differences in their backgrounds are what will get them voted out or take them to the end. Thanks for the lecture, Uncle Jeff. Time to vote.
So are they voting out Leif or Bill? The suspense is not killing me at all because it's obviously Bill. Probst tallies the votes and then reads them. There's one vote for Leif and the rest are all for Bill, because everyone but Bill knew that Bill was going home. So Bill leaves, and Probst points out that they made one of the riskiest moves ever in the game, and time will tell if it was worth it. Idiots.