Alicia and Christina make up after their fight at the last Tribal Council, but Alicia's interviews reveal that she was being less than sincere. The women elect Sabrina to be their leader and try to divvy up the tasks, but they can't even do that without arguing. There's a split between the younger women (Kim, Kat, Alicia, Chelsea and Sabrina) and the older women (Monica, Christina and Nina).
There is a DIY reward challenge (meaning that Probst isn't around and they do the challenge on their own). They have to take a giant rope out of a box and each tribe has to try to untie a bunch of ropes from a ring as a team. The winners get a tarp, and they also get to keep the ropes and the box that the ropes came in. The men sit out Mike to even things up. It's close, but the men win.
The men take their riches back to their camp and start setting everything up while Colton does nothing. He wanders over to the women's camp and "helps" them out (but not really) until they kick him out. I don't think he understands how this game works. He begs the women to let him hang out and promises he won't undermine them, but finally they have to flat-out explain to him how the game works, and that it would be stupid if they let him hang out and hear all their strategies when he's on the other tribe.
Colton shows Troy and Jonas that he has the Immunity Idol and they plan to get rid of Mike at their first opportunity. So Colton has an alliance with Troy, Jonas, Tarzan and Leif and suddenly has all of the power on the men's side.
The Immunity Challenge involves everyone standing on a balance beam over water, facing forward. The person on the end has to walk all the way down to the other end, without falling off, while only touching one teammate at a time. The men make short work of it while the women barely get started. Monica is the rock star for the women while Kat and Christina totally screw it up, especially Kat. The problem is that Kat is in the alliance of five. Nina and Monica know that Kat needs to go, but they don't have the numbers. Chelsea and Kim seem interested in getting rid of Kat, but they are also loathe to break up their alliance.
At Tribal Council, Nina calls Kat out for being useless and Probst ferrets out the alliances and that the vote comes down to Nina versus Kat (thought Kat tries to throw Christina in at the end). Multiple women admit that they're embarrassed at how they have represented women so far, thank GOD. At least they know that they are awful. Anyway, just as I was getting hopeful that they would get rid of stupid Kat and make things interesting, they vote out Nina. Sigh.
Salani (Women's Tribe), Night 3. They return from Tribal Council and Mike walks over and immediately tells them that he kept their fire going for them. Kat is like, "I just started the fire." Mike says it was still hot. How is that keeping the fire going? And who cares, since they just got flint at Tribal Council? Shut up, Mike. Anyway, Kat and Alicia tell Mike that Kourtney got removed for medical reasons so they didn't have to vote anyone out. Then they all go to bed.
Christina calls Alicia aside and asks if they can clear the air after their blow-up at Tribal Council. Alicia agrees readily, but in an interview, she tells us that she thought Tribal Council went really well because Christina ended up looking crazy. I thought Alicia ended up looking crazy and Christina ended up looking like a hothead, but that could be editing. Christina says that she felt like Alicia was being rude in not letting her talk and Alicia apologizes. So everything's cool, right? They shake hands and hug. But Alicia interviews that if Christina were drowning in an ocean, she'd look the other way, and she has her alliance of five, so she's all set. And also Nina looks like a bag of rocks. Not sure why she threw that in, except maybe she's saying that they need to keep stronger people around and Nina's exhausted? I don't know.
The morning, the women's tribe holds a meeting. They decide to put Tribal Council behind them. They all agree that Sabrina should be the leader, because she's direct and doesn't bark orders and doesn't get emotional. Everyone seems to agree, so Sabrina accepts the role. She interviews that "managing the airheads is going to be exhausting." I like Sabrina; I wish she hadn't given Colton the idol, though. That is making me question her judgment. Sabrina lays out that they need people in charge of water, food, shelter, and fire. Monica volunteers to handle water. Kat and Alicia are going to go look for food. I thought Kat was in charge of the fire?
Sabrina suggests that they observe the area and leave markers for where they've looked. I guess she's telling them to be methodical about it, so they don't waste time looking for food in places they're already looked. Kat doesn't get it and says that she doesn't want to observe -- she wants to find food. Kat is dumb. In case you hadn't noticed already, that will be a theme of this episode. She is not bright. She also has apparently laid in a supply of eyeliner, which I don't get. Nina interviews that it's "the younger gals" against the older ones at this point, and Nina is hoping to find her place. Later, someone asks Kat if she's going to find food, and Kat says that she's waiting for Alicia (who's standing there picking her teeth, so I'm not sure what the hold up is). And then thing you know, the two of them are hanging out in the water, wondering if they are in trouble because they're not doing any work. Ugh. They are idiots.
Nina, Sabrina, Kim, and Chelsea find Tree Mail, which consists of an envelope and a few huge boxes. The envelope says that they shouldn't open it until they bring the boxes to a clearing and all members of both tribes are present. So the men go fetch their box and everyone gathers. Bill starts reading the instructions in a terrible British accent, and no one asks him to cut the shit. They should. It's awful. Anyway, this is a DIY challenge, meaning no Probst. Each box contains a bunch of ropes tied to a ring. Each tribe has to open the box and untie the ropes. Whichever tribe gets its ring untied first wins Reward, which is a tarp. The winning tribe also gets to keep the box and the ropes. The men's tribe sits out Mike to even things up.
Colton tells the tribes when to start. Why? Why wouldn't Mike do that? So dumb. Then again, Colton is useless so who cares? It seems like things are pretty even for most of the challenge -- it's hard to tell because this was a terrible challenge to have no one narrating, since you can't really tell who has made more progress. They attack the ropes like a bunch of ants on a discarded apple slice. Suddenly, the men start yelling, "Go go go!" and the women are like, "Oh, shit!" And then the men have the ring free, so they win. The women are despondent, especially because they felt like they really needed the tarp. The men celebrate, except for Colton who just stands around listlessly.
Manono (the men's tribe) returns from the challenge, which means that they walk like ten yards back to their camp. They unroll the tarp and try to figure out where to put it. Mike interviews that they're going to have the best camp in history. So everyone gets to work building the shelter, clearing areas, cracking coconuts and whatnot. Except for Colton, who just sits around and frowns. Then he tries out the swing that someone built and goes, "Who built this?" Mike interviews that Colton hasn't done a lick of work, and he seems to be there for vacation or just to hang out. Colton wanders over to talk to the women and Jonas, Bill, and Mike talk about how Colton is totally in with the women and that could be trouble at the merge, since he'll automatically have an alliance with the other side.
The women are trying to build a roof for their shelter. Colton comes over to help. Sabrina advises him to try to bond with the guys and Colton says that he can't, because they have nothing in common. I think if I were a gay male watching this, I would be throwing things at the television. Colton is just confirming every outdated stereotype about gay men that homophobes have. When in reality, he's useless because he's useless and he's using his orientation as a lazy excuse, because he's lazy. The women are kind of getting sick of him too. Even his champion Sabrina is muttering under her breath that he needs to get out. And he can't take a hint. Everyone is looking around awkwardly. Sabrina interviews that Colton is like a virus, and she found herself entertaining him for half the morning without even noticing. Finally, she asks him why he's there and he says that he doesn't want to talk game at all, and promises that he won't tell the guys anything he sees or hears. Sabrina is like, "Too bad for you" and kicks him out. Ugh, take a hint! Can't you tell when people don't want you around? It's making me uncomfortable to watch. Before he leaves, he asks Sabrina if he can hang out with them later, and she's like, "I don't know." That means no.
The women call a meeting, but they really don't need to meet. They just needed an excuse to get rid of terrible Colton. He interviews, half-crying, that the women don't want him around and he thinks he should just build his own hut and start his own tribe. Does he understand how this game works? Like does he know that he can get voted off? I know he has the Idol, but he only gets to play that once. Does he understand that? He adds that he has to have some girls on his side to make a move. Well, he has to make it to the merge first. I really would love to hear his step-by-step strategy, because I am not understanding it at all.
At some point, Colton returns to the women's camp and says that he has something to say to all of the women. Sabrina and Chelsea are kind of like, "Whatever, drama queen." He calls everyone over and says that he doesn't care about the game or strategy, but he has no one on the island. He vows that he won't talk to the men about them. And he starts crying. Sabrina says that the more he comes over, the more annoying he gets. Kim tells him that there are two tribes, and he's on the opposing tribe, so it would be a dumb move on their part to let him stay. He doesn't seem to get it, so Kim flat out tells him that it's not an option for him to stay with them all the time. I like Kim too. I like Sabrina and Kim and Chelsea. I'm mad that they allied with Alicia and Kat so early.
That night at the Manono camp, the men are all hooting and hollering and encouraging Tarzan to do some sort of weirdo dance. Do you know how bored they must be? If that's their entertainment? Hell, I get bored when I don't have WiFi access for an hour. Anyway, after everyone goes to sleep, Colton whips out his Immunity idol and shows Troy and Jonas. Colton says that he wants to use it to get rid of "the muscle," meaning Matt and Mike. Jonas says that they shouldn't talk about it anymore and then interviews that Colton just became the smartest guy in the game. Is he really? I still don't understand their plan. They have a loose alliance of Colton, Jonas, Troy, Leif, and Tarzan. So they have the numbers to get rid of people. But what happens when the other side gets word of Colton's Idol and flushes it out? And he has to play it? Then they're kind of screwed. All the other side (Mike, Matt, Bill, and Jay) has to do it get ONE person to throw a vote to Colton, and given how annoying Colton is and how much no one trusts him, that shouldn't be tough. Well, at least it will make the game interesting if and when the men lose a challenge, I guess. Anyway, Colton reminds his alliance that he'll have to pretend to still be working with Matt and Mike, but they should rest assured that this is "Survivor, Colton's World." Ugh, he is the worst.
Immunity Challenge! Hopefully this one gets completed. Both tribes will line up side-by-side on a narrow balance beam over water. One by one, each tribe member will have to navigate to the other end of the beam, going around tribemates and you can only touch one person at a time. Anyone who falls in the water has to start over.
Everyone gets lined up and the men decide that Tarzan will sit out. Probst tells them to start. The men let Leif go first, since he has the furthest to travel and presumably, as a little person, will be best able to maneuver around his teammates. Kat goes first for her team and has some trouble getting past the first person, Monica. The other problem that the women have is that they keep reaching out to steady themselves and touching each other, which means that the passer has to start over each time. Leif finishes and Kat has just barely passed two people. She moves on to the third, and they struggle to stay balanced. Christina, in line, reaches out to steady them, which means that Kat has to start over. Womp womp.
Colton goes for the men and does a surprisingly good job. Kat is once again working her way down the line. She gets to Christina, who keeps grabbing on to Nina to steady herself, which means that they have to start over. Colton has finished his journey, so now the men have two people done, and Kat is starting over once again. Probst is totally not helping, as he keeps yelling things like, "The ladies need to step it up and communicate" and "Kat may not have been the best person to put on the end." Shut it, Probst. So far, it's been mostly Christina's fault that they're losing. Kat gets to Christina again and Christina falls in. Kat also jumps in the water, even though she doesn't have to, because there was no rules violation. Christina just has to go to the end of the line. So it seems like one strategy would be to just have the people being passed fall in the water and the passer keep going? Would that work? Anyway, Kat is dumb.
Christina decides to try her hand at it, but she falls in almost immediately, so Monica volunteers to go by jumping into the water. This is a disaster for the women. Two of the men fall in, but they already have three people finished, so it's going to be nearly impossible for the women to catch up. Monica gets to her first person (Christina) and Kat reaches out and grabs Christina to steady her. WTF is wrong with these people? Put your hands behind your back or something if you can't control your impulses. Gah. So Christina falls in and then Monica jumps in for the violation and then Kat jumps in AGAIN for no reason. And Probst just shakes his head. Nina mutters that Kat is as dumb as a rock.
Monica's strategy is that she will stay stiff and the passer will just toss her around. Sounds weird, but it seems to be working as she is nearly to the end of the line. The men only have three people left, but two fall in and have to start over. Monica finishes and Christina starts going. With Monica's encouragement and instruction, she seems to go pretty quickly, but it's too little, too late as the men finish first. They all jump in the water in celebration and grab the Immunity idol. Sabrina whispers to Monica that she did a good job. Yeah, they should have listened to Monica from the start and they also should have put their stronger players to go first down the line. Nina shakes her head and says that this challenge is emblematic of how things have gone for the women: no communication and no teamwork. Monica interviews that Kat jumped in for no reason TWICE, and Monica is embarrassed because this is not how women in general are in real life. Thank you for acknowledging that, Monica. I like you. I hope you stick around.
The women return to camp and Sabrina calls them all together to rehash the challenge. I'm not sure what good this does, other than, I guess, let them get it all out in one go instead of having muttered conversations around camp. Anyway, Kat apologizes for her lack of communication and says that it was a really hard challenge. Kat adds that she always wants to be the one to rev up the tribe and bring it home. Sabrina acknowledges that the "rah rah girl" is a necessary role, but "logic and strategy trump rah rah." In other words, you are dumb, so stop trying to take on roles that require some sort of brains. Sabrina interviews that Kat is young and emotionally out of control, and they need control on their team. Sabrina adds that Nina is the one on the chopping block. Back at the team meeting, Sabrina says that she doesn't think it was one person's fault, but someone has to go home tonight anyway.
Nina interviews that everyone is saying that it wasn't Kat's fault, when it was totally Kat's fault, and she's dumb. Nina and Monica go to get water and talk about how the two of them plus Christina are on the outside of the alliance, so they'll be the three to go home unless they can switch things up. Nina's going to vote for Kat. Monica interviews that she's so low on the totem pole that she doesn't even think it's worth it to go to the alliance and suggest ditching Kat, so she's just hoping they see how worthless Kat is on their own. Why not go to them? What do you have to lose? Nina and Monica have a conversation about how their tribe is being led by twentysomething idiots and it's embarrassing, and Kat should be the one to go home tonight. I'm with them except for the ageism. And also the fact that they are just bitching about it but not coming up with a plan of action.
The tribe sits around by the fire. Kat is running into people with her butt and laughing. Nina sits with Chelsea and starts a whisper campaign about how Kat is an idiot and she's making the rest of them look dumb. She actually uses a smart tactic when she says that Chelsea is too smart to let this happen, and she can fix it. Have you ever noticed that Chelsea looks exactly like Emily Van Camp? I expect her to have a photo with her tribemates faces on it and every week, she crosses out a face with a red Sharpie. That would be awesome. Anyway, Nina says she's voting for Kat.
Chelsea and Kim go out for a walk. Kim looks like someone famous too. Maybe Kim Raver when she was less blonde? I don't think that's it. Anyway, Chelsea explains Nina's point of view, and says it's tough to argue with it. Kim agrees that Kat blew the challenge, and that Nina deserves to stay more than Kat does, but also adds that they need the trust of the people in their alliance, and ditching Kat won't help matters. Well, I think they could get Sabrina on board, and then who cares what Alicia thinks? She needs them more than they need her. And then maybe they can start winning some challenges and they won't have to vote anyone else out. Or promise Alicia that Christina will be to go after Kat or something. God knows Kat's not smart enough to set up a countermove in the few hours.
The women file into Tribal Council and Probst tells them that they're five days in and they're off to one of the worst starts in the history of Survivor. Really? I don't see that. I'm too lazy to do the research, but I'm confident that there have been many times that one tribe didn't win any challenges at all for quite some time. And I don't get the dysfunction that he keeps talking about. If you've ever been on a team that loses, it's tough to turn things around. What turns things around is a win, usually.
Anyway, I read this Probst interview and Probst's views on women on this show were made crystal clear, especially this response: "Talking with my friends about this over the years I've come to the conclusion that women understand themselves and don't seem to waste time fretting too much about what is often inevitable. We've heard the same story nearly every time we've put women together: some form of dysfunction. I think there is probably some element of this game that favors the men initially simply due to the physical demands and maybe that has an impact on the women causing initial dysfunction -- then again maybe it's just great casting! Thanks, Lynne Spillman!"
There is so much wrong with his statement. First of all, I don't understand who these people are that Probst talks to either "on the street" (in the case of people who want more Hantz seasons) or "friends," but they are assholes. Second, there have been multiple all-female alliances on this show, and I don't think it's because of great casting. They've overcome terrible casting. Bill Simmons recently said on his podcast that he talked to Probst about casting, and their problem is that they can't find attractive people who are also cunning. WTF? So they cast pretty idiots and then average people who are smart, I guess? That explains so much about how every season goes. I guess smart pretty people have better prospects than going on this show? I don't know. He just infuriates me with his 1950s views on men and women, and I could write a novel about it, but I won't. But I hate him.
Anyway, back to the show. Probst asks Kim what she brings to the table, and she says she's a good communicator, but hasn't had a chance to speak up yet. Probst compares them all to sixth-graders, because he thinks women are children who need to be led along. How about asking them why they don't want to speak up? Maybe it's because putting yourself out there often leads to getting voted off? Maybe it's because the power structure of the tribe was set up on day one with the five-person alliance and there's no changing it at this point? Probst wants them all to share their experiences. What experiences would be helpful at this point, unless you have experience breaking up five-person alliances? I get that Probst has to stir things up to make Tribal Council interesting, but he doesn't have to talk to the women like they are children. He would NEVER talk to the men like this. He would give them a good bro pep talk.
Anyway, Nina finally spills that they are a divided tribe, with five against three, and as a result, she doesn't feel like they have taken advantage of her experience as a cop, which she feels helps her deal under pressure. Nina puts Kat on the spot and asks what she brings to the tribe. Kat rambles about nothing until Probst feeds her a line that she's young and inexperienced. Kat agrees. She should say that she's young, and she has a lot of energy and enthusiasm, and can weather the conditions better than some of the others. Kat gets defensive and says that she's doing the best she can, and she hates that she let her tribe down in the challenge. Nina says that Kat is always talking about how she's a great athlete, but she lacks the ability to handle pressure and be smart. Kim agrees that Kat doesn't have Nina's experience, and that's the decision facing them today. Probst clarifies that they're voting out either Nina or Kat, and Kim says that was pretty much the vibe at camp. Probst asks Chelsea if she would form different alliances if they could start over, and Sabrina agrees.
Probst says there are no young women at home rooting for girl power. This is another thing he would never say to the men; he wouldn't give a shit if boys at home were rooting for them. Just another example of Probst being condescending. Alicia agrees that their performance at the challenge was embarrassing, especially since Monica figured it out and no one listened to her. Kat mutters that the loss was her fault. Probst asks if she believes that or if she's just being a martyr. Kat says she believes it and tries to eke out a few tears, but I don't see any tears. Kat gives a sobby speech about how she doesn't try things if she knows she won't succeed, and this is the first time she's failed. WAAAAAH! Grow up. Kat says it would be fair to vote her out, but she hopes that her tribe gives her another chance. Then Kat says that Christina is just there to be there and not play the game. What does that even mean? Christina pretends it doesn't bother her, and why should she care? She's not going home tonight.
Sabrina gives a speech about how women tiptoe around the issues while men just have it out, deal with it, and move on. And there is something to the different communication styles, but it's not like women aren't capable of it. Sabrina, as the leader, should just tell the women to deal with it and move on. Like if Kat has a problem with Christina, she should state it flat out instead of hinting at something mysteriously for no reason. I mean, Nina has been pretty straight forward about her problems with Kat in tonight's Council. Probst asks Nina if this gives her hope, and Nina says that it does.
Time to vote! I don't even like Nina all that much, but I'm hoping that the women get rid of sourpuss Kat. So Kat votes for Nina and Nina votes for Kat, but we don't see any of the other votes yet. When Probst reads the vote, someone has voted for Christina. Who? Anyway, Nina gets voted out. Boo. Probst gives the women a lecture before they head back about getting it together. God, let's hope so or this is going to be a really boring season. Ooh, Monica was the one who voted for Christina, and Christina voted for Nina, along with everyone else. So Kat only got one vote, from Nina. Weird. I wonder what Monica and Christina were thinking there.
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