Sophie won! She explains that she tried to play within the framework of the game, and laid back and waited to see what motivated others before acting. Probst asks her if she's learned from how other people viewed her, as selfish and bratty, and Sophie says that she's always been confident but now she's trying to be more like Dawn. Nothing against Dawn, but gross.
Then they move on to Coach, who says that he learned a lot from his last season, and tried to be more likable. Coach admits that his praying might have seemed over the top, but says it grounded him. Probst does his favorite straw poll thing and discovers that if Coach had taken Albert and Rick, he would've won it.
Ozzy says that he keeps playing because he loves nature and communing with nature and nature is his God. Also, nature. Ozzy gives props to Sophie for being smart and physically powerful. But Probst can't let Sophie get the credit so he basically fellates Ozzy about how awesome he is, and then Ozzy talks for like twenty minutes about how great he is. It's so gross.
And hey, why talk more to Sophie, the winner? Let's talk to useless ol' Cochran. He admits that his experience in watching the show did not help him at all and only made him defensive, which was detrimental. And he's single, ladies!
Brandon says that he tried very hard on the season to do the right thing and restore the Hantz family name. But his family didn't like how he played and they don't support him. So then Russell stands up and says that he is great and Brandon did everything wrong and Probst is like, "We should have another season with these two duking it out" and everyone at home is like, "PLEASE GOD NO."
Ozzy wins Fan Favorite. Gross. I mean, if it were Best at Challenges, fine. But he's such an asshole.
Checking in quickly with a few others. Dawn learned to challenge herself. Whitney and Keith are a couple. Edna's pregnant. Christine and Stacy are BFF. Brandon gets to talk again about how his family hates him, but he's proud of how he played. Jim's big advice is to figure out if people are playing to last longer (like Cochran) or to win (like he was) and act accordingly.
Then Probst gives Sophie her check, and announces that season, the tribes will compete against one another but live together. That could… actually be interesting. And hopefully no returnees.
Sophie won! So first, we are treated to a Sophie montage. She just graduated from college! She won challenges! She had an emotional breakdown when she found out people thought she was condescending! You know, let's compare Sophie and Jim. Did anyone think Jim was condescending? He was pretty blunt. But people were like, "Oh, that Jim! What a rascal!" But when Sophie told it like it was, she was considered condescending. Maybe I overly value bluntness. Sophie can come hang out with me, anytime.
Probst had on his normal blue button down before the commercial, but during the break, he changed into a blue sweater. What a dweeb. Like he has to be "casual Probst" to host the reunion, so we don't confuse him with "island Probst." The fact that he actually thought about whether to change, and what to change into, makes me kind of sad. And giggly. Probst starts out by asking Sophie if she had any inkling that she won, and Sophie says that she hoped she did, because Coach got "demolished in the Final Tribal." Albert didn't get any votes, and obviously no one thought he would, because they don't even discuss him as a contender.
Probst asks Sophie what the key was to her win. Sophie says that she tried to suss people out right away and figure out their motivations, and when the whole thing turned into "a religious framework" and all about honesty and loyalty, she worked within that instead of fighting it. That's a really nice way of saying that she kind of thought the religion stuff was bullshit, but she knew saying that would be signing her death warrant. Probst asks if she is like that in real life, trying to figure out where she fits in. What is this bullshit question? He would NEVER ask a male winner that question. Because she's a chick, she has emotions and shit. Tell us about your emotions, Sophie! Anyway, Sophie agrees that she's usually more of an observer and waits to speak up in meetings and other groups. Then Sophie starts giggling with excitement.
Probst asks her about the reaction back home. Well, they all hate her. Obviously, they're excited! Waste of a question. Probst asks if she told her family how she was doing. Isn't she not allowed to do that? Sophie says that she didn't tell them. Probst asks how she describes the experience to others, and Sophie says that it was a life-changing experience, and she knows it sounds dumb to say that about reality television, but it's true. And she adds that she tells people that she was always hungry, because she was.
Probst can't wait to bring Sophie down a few more pegs. Seriously, I don't remember him being this harsh on recent winners; it seems like he's always just like, "Wow, you won! Tell us more about how awesomely you played!" Anyway, he reminds Sophie that some of the other contestants called her selfish and spoiled. Sophie looks pointedly at Ozzy who is either daydreaming or wondering why they're not talking to him. Sophie says (again, seriously, how many times does she need to answer this question?) that she has a hard exterior and that can come off as standoffish and blunt. She jokes that she was a Girl Scout, and she was taught to be confident. Good! No one would question a male winner with confidence who had a "tell it like it is" personality. Okay, few would. But Probst just can't understand a woman who has confidence and isn't willing to either play the sex kitten or the coy, "Who, me?" baby doll. Sophie concludes that she has learned from her experience and she's trying to be a little more like Dawn. And look, Dawn seems like a nice person, but also like a doormat. Don't hide your light under a bushel, Sophie. Certainly not because OZZY said you should. Fuck that guy.
Okay, enough about Sophie. Let's talk about Coach. (Not really, I'd like to talk more to Sophie but she's just a girl, so let's move on.) Coach came in as a returning veteran and set up a strong alliance of five on the first night. His tribe shared religion (or at least pretended to) and a family vibe that carried them through the merge and beyond. At least until people started comparing notes and realized that he gave conflicting promises. Oops. Probst knows that Coach was different this time around, and Coach explains that he saw this season as a gift, and he tried to take himself less seriously and have fun. He thinks he's more grounded and down-to-earth. Sophie, to him, rolls her eyes sort of comically. Which would be a great opportunity for Probst to ask her what she thinks of Coach, her tightest alliance partner, but fuck Sophie. Let's talk to the big guy some more.
Probst wants to hear from Coach about religion, because it was such a big part of this season. Probst adds that it's one thing to pray for strength in a tough game, and it's another thing to pray for certain people to be eliminated or win a challenge. Coach knows that some people see their prayer as trite and shallow, but it was something to grab onto. He admits that it became "prayer-a-palooza" and almost seems like he's about to admit that they went overboard or that it was less than genuine at times, but he stops himself and goes back to his, "Grab onto something unshakeable" line that he clearly worked out in advance.
Probst notes that Albert warned Coach not to bring Sophie. Albert says that he observed everyone, and he noted that Sophie had a select few attributes that would be appealing to a jury. Like what? Followup question, Probst? What attributes? She's awesome? But no, Probst has to do one of his favorite things: the meaningless straw poll to find out what would have happened in an alternate universe. In this case, how would the jury have voted if Coach, Albert, and Rick had made it to the finals. Coach would have won, possibly. So does Coach have regrets. Coach recognizes that this is all meaningless because a different final three would have meant a different jury. Who knows how much Rick's bitterness and Brandon's sense of betrayal and Ozzy's brattitude infected the jury? Also, if Coach had taken Rick, Sophie wouldn't have been around to beat Ozzy in the final challenge and thus Ozzy might have won it. So let's not pretend Coach, Rick, and Albert was a final three that could have happened. Ozzy would have won any final three he was in because the jury was composed of his former tribemates, plus he had a great argument for getting people's votes. In conclusion, and as usual, shut up, Probst. Dumb question.
Coach mentions Ozzy in his answer and everyone goes nuts. Don't encourage him people. Probst does a straw poll and everyone says they would have voted for Ozzy. Probst remembers that Sophie won, but hey, why talk to her again? Let's go to a commercial.
Hey, remember Ozzy? That guy was really awesome, wasn't he? Just ask him. He climbed palm trees and speared fish. What? This wasn't a tree-climbing and fish-spearing contest? Oh, maybe he wasn't that awesome. Probst asks him why he keeps coming back, and Ozzy goes into this whole speech about how he finds God in nature. And says that he doesn't care about the money. At least he does admit that Sophie is amazing, and was the only one who could beat him at a challenge, because she's strong and smart. Probst says he doesn't want to take anything away from Sophie's win (yes he does), and asks Ozzy, "How did you lose when you are so awesome? Were you really tired or what? Because God knows Sophie didn't actually beat you." Ozzy's like, "Totally. I beat myself." And then he talks and talks and talks AND TALKS and Probst doesn't stop him. I timed it. He talks for nearly three minutes, which is INTERMINABLE in television time. I mean, a commercial break is shorter, and think how long those seem most of the time.
Moving on to the merge, Probst asks Ozzy (because why ask Cochran?) if he has any regrets about how that flipped out. So Ozzy talks some more. That puts him over three minutes, and that's just him talking, not the time when Probst asked questions. Anyway, in summary, Ozzy was going balls out this time, because he wasn't playing for second or third. Probst interrupts him so we can hear from some little kid in the audience. Her question is basically, "Why is Ozzy so awesome, physically?" And then Ozzy gives a speech on how everyone else can be just as awesome, and the audience is applauding and Ozzy is still talking. Over three and a half minutes. Sigh. I didn't time how long Sophie talked but I'm guessing it was less than half that.
What about Cochran? Probst claims that some people saw him as "a despicable villain." Who thinks that? A doofus, sure. An idiot, maybe. But a villain? Probst wants to know what the reaction on the street has been. Probst has been obsessed with the street in this reunion. That's like the third time he's mentioned it. Cochran says that most people are nice in person and mean on the Internet. Well, that's true of life, right?
Probst brings up how Cochran actually wrote a paper at Harvard comparing the Survivor jury system to the American legal system. Cochran admits that all his theory didn't help at all once he got out there, and since people kind of immediately started talking about voting him off, he got defensive, which hurt his ability to connect to people who could have helped him. I have to say, Cochran has good perspective and takes responsibility for his mistakes. Cochran knows that he's kind of a cartoon character, and admits that he thought he was an expert and a jester, but people thought he was a joke and he disappointed himself. He also thought, during the game, that everyone loved him and he was wrong. Probst wants to know how the game changed him, and Cochran says that real-world interactions don't seem as scary since he's already made a fool of himself on national television. And then Probst wants to know if he's dating, and Cochran says he's not, and adds, "Come at me." Aw. Cochran ended up seeming kind of...cute? Annoying but cute.
Moving on to Brandon, Probst basically asks, "Why were you so crazy out there?" Brandon says that he's been brought up in the church, and while on the show, he kept being reminded of actions he used to take, and he didn't want to be like that anymore. Probst wants to know if his family is happy with how he played and Brandon says not everyone is, especially not Uncle Russell. Brandon kind of dances around it, but Probst gets him to admit that no one in his family liked his gameplay and no one is there from his family. Well, except for Russell. And he doesn't think his family is proud, but he's okay with it. Even crazy Brandon came off sympathetically there.
So then Probst has to go talk to Russell. Ugh. Gross. Russell tries to tell Brandon that he's Uncle Russell but he's also Russell from Survivor What is this, the WWE? Does he think he's a character? He certainly acts like it. Anyway, Russell goes on and on about how he was awesome and changed the game and Brandon ruined it. Probst pretends like he just thought of doing another season with Russell on one tribe and Brandon on the other tribe. Please, God no. That might be the worst Survivor idea I've ever heard. That's like saying we get to watch a show with cancer on one tribe and schizophrenia on the other. Who would you root for? And would they really let Russell back on the show after all the controversies over spoilers etc.?
Fan Favorite is Ozzy. Cochran came in second, and it was the biggest margin of victory in the history of the award. Okay, can we be done with Ozzy now?
Hey, did you know there were other people on this show? Like Dawn? She learned that it's important to challenge yourself. Whitney and Keith are a couple now and Probst skirts around the fact that Whitney was married when she went on the show. Oops. Whitney says that Keith is THE ONE. We'll see. Edna jokes that her husband missed her so much that he got her pregnant. Edna can't leave it at that and has to try to explain and it gets weird. Stop talking, Edna. Probst checks in with Christine, who formed a friendship with Stacey, and they're still close. Probst wonders if they would have ever met otherwise, because you know, she's white and Stacey is black! Christine's like, "yeah, we might have met."
Probst wants to know if Brandon is serious about his family not accepting him. Haven't we already established this? Brandon says that some of his family said he didn't live up to the Hantz family name, when all he wanted to do was redeem his family name. But he admits that he's proud of how he played. Poor guy. He needs to move out of that Podunk town. Probst wants to talk to another dude, because we haven't heard from enough of them. What about Jim? He was awesome. Jim talks about the difference between playing to win and playing to last longer, and I kind of get what he means, but whatever.
Hey, remember Sophie? She won? Here's her check. So that happened.
season, there's a new twist. Both tribes will share a camp. But no returning veterans! Yay! See you season.