All the former Savaii members are gone (except Cochran), with Ozzy, Dawn, and Whitney on Redemption Island. Cochran makes a plea to Albert, Rick, Brandon, Sophie, and Coach to let him stay over Edna. Albert and Coach are inclined to keep him, but Sophie wants him out, mostly because she's realizing that he's really annoying.
Redemption Island Duel is the ever-popular balancing a stack of dishes. Dawn is out first, and then Whitney. So Ozzy remains on Redemption Island. Boo.
Coach tries to decide whom he should get rid of (because it's 100% his decision, apparently), and seems to think he should keep both Edna and Cochran, because he doesn't think either of them would ever vote him off. In other news, Edna and Rick are sick of Albert and his doing-nothingness. Rick gives him the nickname "Prince Albert."
The Immunity Challenge is a redux. First round, toss beanbags on platforms. Those who succeed (Albert, Rick, and Sophie) use slingshots to hit targets with coconuts (like the challenge that led to Mikayla's ouster). Albert is the only one who's done this challenge before, and he was really good at it the first time. Rick puts up a good fight, but Albert ultimately wins immunity and a reward of a shower and a massage. Albert chooses Coach to go with him, and then gives up his own reward to let Cochran go in his place.
Albert finds out about "Prince Albert" (which somehow got twisted to "Princess Albert") and tells Cochran they can join forces and vote out Rick, if Coach agrees. Edna's also on board. Cochran takes the idea to Coach, who gets all Shakespearean about it but we don't see what he plans to do as they head to Tribal Council.
At Tribal, Edna gets emotional because she felt they were all equal (how could they be, dummy?) and now she's finding out that she's going home soon, if not this week, then week. Edna admits that she's open to wheeling and dealing. Brandon says that it's black and white, not gray, and says that he's voting out Cochran tonight and Edna week, and then starts crying because he's having such a hard time reconciling his beliefs with the gameplay. Everyone else on the tribe basically admits that they don't even try to talk strategy with Brandon because he's got his ideas and they are set in stone, and there's no wiggle room based on changing events. Ultimately, they stick to the pecking order and vote out Cochran, with Edna and Cochran voting for Rick. And Cochran is shocked! Who didn't see that he was seventh in a six-person alliance? I guess just Cochran and maybe Edna. He's an idiot. I don't like Cochran, but how awesome would it be if he beat Ozzy on Redemption Island? Really freaking awesome.
Te Tuna. Night 27, immediately after ousting Dawn and Whitney. Coach proclaims that Upolu has eradicated all former Savaii members. Except for Cochran, but I guess we're pretending he's Upolu now. At least until the vote. Edna comments that she's getting used to seeing her name at Tribal Council, and Coach asks if anyone was worried about the vote tonight. They all say no. Edna interviews that on the way home from Tribal, there seemed to be a lot of wondering who was in the fifth, sixth and seventh positions in Upolu, and who's in the Top Four. Are they really wondering? I mean, I know we have more information than they do, but Coach, Albert and Sophie are obviously tight, and Coach is clearly calling the shots. Or everyone is letting him think that he does. Are people like Edna seriously thinking, "I'm definitely in the Top Four"? I guess she is, or she wouldn't be so complacent.
Cochran says that he's happy with his decision to flip at the merge, and he thanks Upolu for adopting him into their family. Sophie looks really awkward, like this whole conversation is making her cringe. Cochran interviews that he's a little worried because it was made clear at Tribal that he's in seventh position in his tribe and will probably be to go. A little worried? I think he should be a lot worried. It's not like he has two or three more votes to get things together, like he did when he flipped. He's got to make a move now. And he should have started making a move six days ago. Coach notes that he's happy all those extra people are gone because now it feels like their tribe again. Cochran interviews that he's starting to do what he can to ensure he's not taken out by "The Family." And yes, he makes the requisite Manson reference. But again, "starting to"? Too little, too late, Johnny.
Te Tuna. Day 28. Everyone sits around the campfire and Cochran tells a story about how had a reputation as a brown-noser as a kid, and he wanted to change that, so he decided to make prank calls when he was in fifth grade. Okay, fine. In the pre-Caller ID era, who didn't make prank calls in fifth grade? So he called up girls (he knew?) and said, "I think I wanna trade sperm with you." Okay, there is a huge difference between prank calls and sexual harassment (albeit ill-informed and misguided sexual harassment.) That's just creepy and gross. Sophie lies in the shelter nearby and looks appropriately disgusted. She interviews that she used to feel bad for Cochran about the bullying, but after spending time with him, she gets why people were annoyed by him. She stops shy of saying he deserved the bullying (and was it really bullying? Or just people making it clear that they didn't like or respect him? Is there a difference?). She's frustrated with his attitude, because he's still gloating over his flip and seems to think that someone will take him to the end. She ends simply, "I don't like him." Me neither, Sophie. Let's be friends.
Cochran looks around camp and sees everyone working -- chopping wood, gathering brush, whatever. He's doing nothing, as usual. He interviews that the "Family" stuff is getting a little creepy, and he thinks it's like the Manson Family and he doesn't want to be Sharon Tate. I know he thinks he's being clever, but he's just being gross again. They're not going to murder you, dude. Cochran does have one good point when he notes that Brandon is obsessively devout and almost seems to be trying to suppress something. Then Cochran switches metaphors (does he know he did that?) and says he doesn't want to drink the poison Kool-Aid and leave early. He needs to find one creepy cult metaphor and stick with it. There's a big difference between Sharon Tate (who was brutally murdered while pregnant) and the followers of Jim Jones (who voluntarily committed suicide, mostly). And honestly, he's kind of more like the latter, since he voluntarily flipped and kind of signed his own death warrant. Enough with him.
Cochran makes his big move. Are you ready? This is it. He gathers everyone but Edna together. Where is Edna? I think she's off cleaning fish or something. You'd think she'd notice that everyone but her is gathered, but Edna's clearly not that bright about game play. At this stage? When everyone is trying to figure out whom to cannibalize from your own tribe? Don't ever go off alone. Buddy system, people. Anyway, Cochran gives this big speech about how he hopes that they will note that his flip enabled the Upolu tribe to survive, and that he will be rewarded by surviving for one more vote. Maybe he should have made this deal before he flipped? Because what leverage does he have? His jury vote? That's pretty meaningless in a group setting like this. Anyway, Cochran adds that it's his birthday in three days and he'd like to stick around and celebrate it. Sophie interviews that she doesn't feel indebted to Cochran and he made an awful move by flipping. Good for her. Cochran leaves to let the group discuss.
After Cochran leaves, Albert says that he thinks Cochran has a valid point but he'll go with the group either way. Coach agrees with Albert and says he doesn't mind keeping Cochran around for another round. You hear that, Edna? Your big protector just tossed you aside like yesterday's garbage. Sophie says that she feels just as indebted to Edna as she does to Cochran, so she'd like to keep Edna. Brandon nods vigorously, so he must be on her side. Coach interviews that he and Albert agree that they owe Cochran something, and they need another person to be on their side (camera focuses on Rick who, as usual, had nothing to say).
Time for the Redemption Island Duel! Everyone gets to watch, again. Ozzy, Dawn and Whitney enter the arena. The challenge is to balance ceramic dishes on the end of a wobbly arm, with new dishes being added at intervals. The last person still balancing the stack of dishes stays on Redemption Island, while the losers head to the jury. First, the three contestants place their arm, and then add a large plate, then a large bowl. Ozzy acts like he's using a laser level to add each dish, getting down eye level. They keep adding dishes at regular intervals. Dawn tries to stifle a yawn and nearly knocks her stack over, but recovers (while mouthing, "Shit!" which cracks me up). They are at nine dishes and add a small plate for number ten. Ozzy wobbles but recovers. They go for number eleven, a large bowl, and Dawn starts to wobble. She can't recover, so she's out. Of course, she starts crying. Well, I guess I would too. I can't make too much fun of her. Probst tells Ozzy and Whitney to add a large plate , then a small bowl. Whitney is almost too short to add new dishes now, which seems kind of unfair. Her stacks starts to wobble, and she recovers, but then the whole thing falls over, so she's out. Ozzy gets to stay on Redemption Island. Whitney and Dawn give him a big hug and wish him luck.
Before they leave, Probst gives them a chance to talk. Dawn says that she's learned that anything is possible, and she hopes that she can take that home and give her family that gift. Probst tells her to get out! She kisses her buff before throwing it in the fire. That thing has got to be stinky. Probst asks Whitney what this adventure was about, and she says that she learned that she could do it, even though it was hard. She thinks her friends and family will be proud. Even prouder when they learn that you betrayed your secret husband with Keith! Probst tells Ozzy that he's one step closer to getting back into the game. Coach looks worried that Ozzy is still in the mix. Ozzy interviews, "I'm really awesome and I'm going to keep winning because of said awesomeness." I mean, I'm paraphrasing.
After the commercial, we get more footage of Ozzy being awesome at Redemption Island. He fishes with a spear! He climbs palm trees! He tells us that there's no one better at being on Redemption Island than he is! I mean, he's probably right but he's just so Ozzy about it.
Back on the regular island, Edna is gathering supplies to do laundry as Albert sits in a hammock nearby. She asks him what's on his agenda today, and he says that he was going to go fishing but Cochran wanted to go with Brandon and only two people can fish at a time. Let me translate what Edna's really asking him for you: She's asking him, "Are you really going to sit on your ass all day?" As if it's her business. I mean, yes, if there's work to be done, Albert should help out. But I hate people who are constantly busy, and then they also make it their business to make sure you're busy, too. Mind your beeswax, Edna. Albert says basically that, in an interview. He says that everyone else on his tribe is constantly cleaning and organizing, and he doesn't think those things are important in the context of the game. He's busy trying to win challenges and create a strategy and play the social game. The one place where his ideas fall apart is the "social game" part -- if others in your tribe think that cleaning and organizing are important, and you're not doing those things, they're not going to like you. I see what Albert is saying, because Edna is kind of making up tasks to make herself seem important.
Brandon and Cochran are fishing. There's a third person there -- I think it's Rick? He stays underwater the whole time, I guess, but you see him in an overhead shot. Anyway, Brandon catches a fish and Cochran gets to stand there and hold it. And he gives this big speech about how he's scared of the fish because it has teeth but he wants to contribute to the tribe. I was praying so hard for that fish to bite him, but it didn't happen.
The fishermen come back to camp and Brandon jokes around that they all worked really hard to catch fish, and Cochran's contribution was to stand there and hold the fish they caught. Albert seems like he just woke up from a nap, so he decides to go take the clothes out of the bucket of water. I'm not sure what their laundry process is, but there's a bucket of clothing sitting to the fire. He uses a stick to pick up a shirt (I'm guessing the water is hot) and tilts the bucket so that the water goes into the fire, putting it out. Of course, Edna is over there in half a second, because she doesn't want Albert to touch her laundry. Then again, he did screw it up. But let him screw it up! I hope she doesn't have kids. Then Edna gives a super bitchy interview where she complains about how she did all the hard work and then Albert tried to come in at the end and be the hero and ended up dousing the fire. So then Edna is trying to get the fire restarted. I don't get why she doesn't just let Albert do something, and screw it up, and then deal with the consequences. Jumping in to show him how it's done just lets him go back and lie down. You're playing into his game. Edna clearly never had a brother. Albert is the ultimate older brother.
Coach wanders away from camp and muses that Albert has never done a day of work in his life, and his mother must have fed and bathed him by hand. Edna and Rick have a bitch session about Albert and how lazy he is. Rick says that there's a reason they call him Prince Albert, because he just sits around and lets everyone else do all the work. Anyway, this whole segment has been to show that it's not all one big happy family around camp. You're welcome.
Coach and Edna clean fish on the beach and discuss the pecking order. Edna seems surprised to hear that she's the one to go after Cochran, and asks why. Coach points out that it's time to start picking people off one by one. Edna knows that, but she wonders why she's after Cochran. Because you're useless? Because you did nothing strategically other than cuddle up to Coach? Because you've annoyed everyone? Coach should tell her that if she wants to change things, she needs to either make a strategic move or win immunity. Take your fate into your own hands, Edna! Edna asks Coach what his plan is and he's pretty quiet, but we see an interview where he says that he knows that keeping Edna and Cochran around would be good for him personally, since they would never vote him out, but he's torn, because he gave his word to "The Five" (Albert, Brandon, Sophie, Coach and Rick).
Coach and Cochran do tai chi on the beach at sunrise. Coach interviews that Cochran's only hope of staying in the game is to win immunity, and he hopes that this session will give Cochran the mental and physical strength to do so. Cochran is confident now that he can win immunity. Well, that makes one of him.
And it's time for the Immunity Challenge. Probst explains that this challenge will be a redux of two challenges. Come on, challenge people. Already? The winner will get immunity, but also a shower and massage. And let me tell you, these people need a shower. They're all looking pretty rough. Anyway, in stage one, they will have to toss sandbags on top of crates, and three people will move on to stage two, where they will catapult coconuts towards targets. That's the challenge where Coach tried to tell Mikayla to stop playing and she refused, and then she got voted out. I recall Albert being really good at the catapult, with Coach and Mikayla kind of sucking. I'm not a conspiracy theorist, but this makes me think that they want Albert to win immunity. Then again, the others didn't get a chance to even try it, and they might be awesome at it.
Stage One. So they each have three crates (near, middle, far) and they have to throw sandbags in rounds and end up with sandbags on each one to win. Coach gets his first and second bags landed right away. Sophie, Rick, and Albert get their second bags right after that. It seems like it's pretty easy to get a sandbag on the first crate, but much harder for the second and third. Coach has been trying for that third sandbag for multiple rounds with no luck. Cochran finally gets his middle sandbag, so he's in the running. Albert and Rick get their third sandbags, so they are moving on to the second stage. There's only one slot left. Coach bounces one on and off, and Cochran doesn't even come close. Then Sophie gets her third sandbag on and she's moving on to stage two as well. Sorry, Cochran.
So stage two is the coconut catapult stage. They have to knock down three targets with the coconuts. Albert and Rick hit their first targets pretty quickly. Rick gets his second right after that, so he only needs one more. But then Albert pours it on and hits his second and third targets, winning immunity. Poor Sophie never even hit one. Albert wins immunity and the reward, and he's surprised to find out that he gets to bring a friend; he chooses Coach. Then Albert asks if he can bring one more person. Probst says no. So Albert asks if he can give his reward to someone else. Probst is shocked, but says yes, and Albert gives his reward to Cochran, claiming it's a birthday gift. I was sure that Albert was doing this to get rid of Coach and Cochran so he could plot out some strategy with the remaining players. I thought maybe he was going to blindside Coach. I was wrong, as we shall see. Anyway, Cochran has to ruin everything by saying that he's given his mom massages but never actually received one. Please stop talking, Cochran. Cochran interviews that he thinks Albert either wants to work strategically with him or he's giving him a sweet farewell gift, hoping to win his jury vote. I think it's the latter, but Cochran's hoping for the former.
So the reward happens right at camp, which isn't what I expected. The rewards have been pretty paltry this season. Remember when they used to go camping with their moms or go on a yacht with their dads? Anyway, the shower is just a rigged-up bush shower with limited water. Coach goes first, and tries not to use all the water. Cochran interviews that he totally lied about his birthday, but at least the lie worked to get him a massage. As they get said massages (and Cochran is predictably gross about it), Coach claims that he'll do whatever it takes to get Cochran more time in the game. Will he? Also, I'm not usually into body shaming but Cochran's upper arms are smaller than mine. They are toothpicks. Has he ever lifted anything heavier than a book in his life?
Post-massage, Cochran and Albert sneak off into the woods. Albert says that things aren't looking good for Cochran, and that Albert doesn't think Coach is ready to make a move like voting out Rick. Cochran is really, really sure that Coach is ready to do just that, which makes Albert happy. Hmm, bad blood between Albert and Rick. Albert explains that Rick is dumb and has been calling him "Princess Albert." Interesting how it changed from Prince to Princess via the grapevine. Anyway, Albert tells Cochran that if Coach switches his vote, Albert will too.
So now Cochran has a mission. He goes to Edna , and floats the idea of getting rid of Rick . Edna's totally on board, since it moves her up the ladder a slot into fifth place instead of sixth. She tells Cochran that she thinks he deserves some reward for flipping at the merge, which is feeding his ego. Edna might not be as dumb as she looks.
Cochran goes to Coach and claims that it was all Albert's idea to get rid of Rick , but he wants a commitment from the rest of them or he won't do it. Coach silently considers it but we don't see his answer. Instead, we get an interview with Coach where he says that he can go with the tide and make a new alliance of Albert, Edna and Cochran, or he can stick with his original alliance. Coach claims to quote Shakespeare when he says, "There is a tide that comes in the lives of men, that when taken, leads to great fortune, but when omitted, all the rest of their lives are bound in shadows and misery." He was actually a lot closer with this quote than the last sham quote he made up. The actual quote, from Julius Caesar is, "There is a tide in the affairs of men. Which, taken at the flood, leads on to fortune; Omitted, all the voyage of their life is bound in shallows and in miseries." So good job, Coach. Not bad when you don't have access to Google like I do.
Tribal Council. The tribe enters, followed by the jury. Probst wants Coach to talk about the possibilities in this vote. Coach says that this is an important vote, because no one is sure about their place in the rankings of the tribe, and people have been presenting him and Albert with new scenarios every minute. Cochran gives a big speech about how the jury is probably happy to hear that he's targeted to go (Keith grins), but he feels humiliated and duped, because he thinks Upolu owes him something for saving them at the merge. Hey, you know what makes people want to keep you around? Telling them that they're jerks. Except not. Cochran has a huge sense of entitlement and is an idiot. If he wanted something in return for his flip vote, he should have negotiated it BEFORE HE FLIPPED. It's too late, now, and he's just coming off like a greedy jerk. Albert speaks up and says that he has told his tribemates that it doesn't look good to "use and abuse" Cochran. Who cares how it looks? This is the weirdest tribe dynamic I've seen in a long time. They're acting like they're on Big Brother, where they think there are good people and bad people. When in reality, there are winners and losers, and you have to break some eggs to make an omelet. Actually, I hate that saying, because don't you have to break all of the eggs to make an omelet? If not, I've been doing it wrong.
Coach's response is that he recognizes that they are all still in the game because of Cochran's move. Probst asks Rick if he's worried and Rick says, "Yeah." Seriously, why is Rick still in the game? He has no personality and he doesn't contribute anything. Probst sees that Edna is actually showing an emotion and he asks what's up with her. Edna says that she was led to believe that all six of the remaining Upolu were equal, and she's sad to find out that she's actually in sixth place out of six. WHAT DID SHE THINK WAS GOING TO HAPPEN? They can't win as a team. Has she not thought about her place in the tribe? Has she talked to anyone about it? I mean, even if she did have a chance of making the finals, how did she plan to get jury votes? Because she did laundry? She won no challenges, and in fact, they usually sat her out if possible. She's useless. And she's even more useless because she apparently put no time into thinking about who would get voted out when. Who did she think was below her on the ladder? I seriously wish Probst would explore this and say, "Edna, who did you think would get voted out before you, and why? Please explain your strategy." And she would have nothing to say, because she has no strategy. As much as I loathed Russell, at least he had a strategy and was trying to make things happen instead of just sitting around doing nothing and then acting shocked when he was voted out. Ugh. Edna, Cochran, and Rick can all go piss up a rope. At least Rick is sort of good at challenges, even if he is as dull as a stump.
Probst gives Edna a clue, and tells her that if Cochran is seventh and Edna is sixth, they just need to find numbers five and four and make a move, since they're all out of the money and desperate to make a move. Edna admits that she's been talking to people. The problem is that she's been talking about getting rid of the probably number five, Rick. Because she's a dummy.
Brandon speaks up and says that this week he's voting for Cochran and week he's voting for Edna, and it's black and white and not gray, so they should just say it. See, this is the danger of the "family" vibe that Coach has tried to portray. You get potentially psychotic numbskulls like Brandon how buy into it hook, line and sinker. And eventually, the "family" is going to break up, because they can't all go to the finals, and Brandon is going to have a mental breakdown.
Probst points out that Brandon is dangerous because he's not malleable, so if plans change at the last minute, as often happens in this game, he won't go with the flow. Coach admits that it's both a blessing and a curse. If you're with Brandon, he's solid as a rock, but if you're not, you know he's not going to revise his voting plan ever. Brandon starts crying and rubbing his face and Probst asks if he's exhausted, and what's the most trying for him right now. Brandon says, "I want to do wrong things. I'm human. But there's something stronger inside me that won't let me." Are we sure that Brandon understands that this isn't the Hunger Games? Does he know that he doesn't HAVE to kill anyone to win?
Probst asks Cochran if seeing Brandon so volatile is "a spark of light." In other words, "Cochran, do you think Brandon's emotional breakdown will cause his tribe to vote him off so that he doesn't kill them in their sleep?" Cochran says that it's impossible to be "in a strategic partnership" with Brandon because talking strategy with Brandon is like talking about non-blue shirts with Probst -- they just can't acknowledge that strategy (or non-blue shirts) exist. Okay, fine. That was kind of funny. Except that Cochran probably had that quip in his back pocket from the moment he got cast and has been waiting to pull it out. But I'll allow it. Albert agrees that Brandon doesn't get strategy, and Sophie agrees as well, saying that it's "sometimes unsettling." Probst asks what Sophie plans to do if they need to change things up and Brandon refuses. Sophie says that she's not worried about it, given the current tenor of the tribe. Cochran interrupts to ask her what happens if Edna wins immunity. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA EDNA WINNING IMMUNITY HA HA HA HA HA HA. Sophie doesn't laugh out loud, though she could, but she just shrugs and says, "Well, then it starts." Sophie is a cool customer.
Probst thinks it's been "an eye-opening tribal" and Sophie says it really hasn't. And it really hasn't. What have we learned? Cochran is entitled, Coach and Albert buy into it, Edna's useless and Brandon's crazy. I think we knew all of that before. Cochran admits that he's frustrated because he might be voted out in a worse position than if he had just stuck with his original tribe. Everyone on the jury nods, like, DUH! Cochran also thinks he's a Survivor expert. Look, if he were being voted off because people thought he was a strategic threat, I would buy that. But he's being voted off because his strategy was terrible, which is a different animal entirely. He needs to stop thinking of himself as an expert at this game. Boston Rob? Sandra? Experts. Cochran? Amateur.
They vote. Probst tallies. Edna and Cochran vote for Rick and everyone else votes for Cochran, so he's headed to Redemption Island to hang out with his buddy Ozzy. If he can find the stairs, which takes him a minute, because he's a buffoon. Probst tells everyone that there was a lot of information revealed, even though Sophie told him that there really wasn't. I love how Probst is insisting on his own narrative, despite evidence to the contrary. Anyway, Edna will be unless she wins...ha ha ha I can't even finish that sentence.