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Well, it's finally here: this boring season that never quite delivered on its crazy contestant potential is almost over. Jud has to win every immunity challenge to stick around, so he does. He wins the first one despite falling behind early on because Chase, Sash, and Holly can't solve an easy puzzle even with a big head start. Back at camp, he rallies to get rid of Holly instead of Dan, which is pretty smart since who wouldn't want to take Dan to the end over Holly? Well, Sash and Chase, apparently, since they decide to stick with their a lly and get rid of Dan, who comes to life in his farewell speech and hates on everyone except Jud. So bitter, but yet, so awesome and so unexpected. Then, after the usual silly fallen tribemates walk that includes special quitter nameplates for Naonka and the other Kelly, the Final Four head in to the Final Immunity Challenge, where they must balance an ever-growing stack of crappy uneven (and not uniformly so, which is no doubt unfair to whichever contestant happened to get the less flat ones) doubloons. There are a few scary moments when Jud nearly loses it, but he ends up beating the other alliance and relishing watching them scramble to stay in the game and win his vote when they return to camp. Ultimately, Jud sees right through sleazy Sash and respects Holly's honesty and the fact that she's the only person left who didn't lie to him in the game, but those are also excellent reasons not to let her get anywhere near the Final Tribal, so the three guys vote her out.
And so, our Final Three are Jud, Chase, and Sash. Chase and Sash are stuck scrambling to win angry jury members over at the Final Tribal, while Jud is pretty much ignored because he is obviously going to win. As soon as he won that last immunity challenge, he won the million. And, after some predictably bitter speeches from Jane and Dan and a less predictable strong and decisive performance from Chase, Jud does just that, winning with five votes to Chase's (!!) four (!!!). As for Sash, he doesn't get any votes from anyone.
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Want more? The full recap starts right below!I'd just like to thank the sport of football for the Sunday afternoon game running over time and pushing 60 Minutes back, thus forcing me to not only watch Andy Rooney's segment that I'd prefer to avoid, but also to watch it on my parents' glorious HDTV, as I'm currently at their house for the holidays. Yuck. Speaking of cranky old people, Jane was voted out the other day. But enough about that, Probst says! Let's go back to the beginning and how no one could have ever guessed that our Final Five would be Dan, Holly, Sash, Jud, and Chase. Way to assume, Probst. How do you know no one ever imagined them in the Final Five? Who else would we have imagined there in their place? Jimmy Johnson? The girl with one leg who everyone swore up and down to vote out ASAP? That crazy lady who threw Dan's shoes in the ocean? Oh, wait - I guess she did make it to the Final Five.
Probst launches into a hatefest on Dan and his challenge terribleness, as if that's the measure of a good Survivor contestant. Since Dan is in the Final Five, it clearly is not. Probst uses the word "improbable" several times (between that and "indecisiveness," which Probst said like five times in last week's previously on segment, I think someone needs to buy him a thesaurus) to describe Holly's journey, being sure to mention that it is only because of the blessed Jimmy Johnson that she stayed in this game, which is probably the only reason why Probst likes Holly in the first place. Probst then dwells on Chase's backstabbing ways and how everyone hates him for them, when really only Jane hates him. The other jurors probably don't respect him and think he's an idiot, but that's not the same as saying they're mad at him. Probst says Sash was a "dead man walking" after Brenda was voted out and his allies quit, which I still maintain he was not. Naonka and the other Kelly leaving only helped him, because it made him the crucial swing vote. And finally, there's Jud, who is screwed if he doesn't win immunity and might be a secret genius. Might be. I don't think we'll ever know for sure. Anyway, I'm cheering for Holly. I think she played the best game out of all of these people, which isn't saying much since none of them played at all except for Sash, who probably played too much. Also, when Holly wasn't playing the best game, she was playing the worst game, and she still made it, so that's pretty damn impressive.
Dan uses a rusty, half-burnt machete blade to carve another notch in a tree to mark Day 37. "Unbelievable," he says. Dan is as surprised as anyone to find himself still in this game. While the three allies go off and do ally things together, Jud hangs out with Dan and tries to think of a way to break them up, which is their only chance at this point and probably should have been attempted weeks ago. Dan doesn't understand why Holly is still in this game when it should be a "no-brainer" to vote her out. Holly appears on the scene and Jud apologizes to her for being in a bad mood today, saying he suddenly realizes that he's in a terrible position in this game right now and it's bumming him out a little bit. "It's anybody's game," she says. "Do you wanna go to the Final Three with me?" he asks. "What about me?" Dan asks. Guys, this is not how to do this. Either make a real attempt or don't make one at all. But don't half-ass it like two weeks too late. Now it's just really awkward. Holly is not Sash, so she doesn't agree to align with either of them. Jud says he's going to "go out fighting." Except not really, since his only plan right now is to hope he wins immunity. He interviews that he is playing the game more than his "be cool" attitude makes it seem.
He walks with Sash, who says he thinks the biggest jury threats right now are Dan and Holly. Really? Dan? Sash makes it so easy to tell that he's full of it. Sash interviews that Jud may well win every immunity challenge from here on out so Sash is going to stay friendly with him and tell him what he wants to hear to keep him on his good side just in case. Sash tells Jud that he wants to go to the end with him and Chase and seems confident that Jud believes everything he's saying. Sash says he's going to make promises to everyone left on his tribe if it helps him stay in the game. And it might, but it's not going to help him win a million dollars. Sash takes a walk with Chase and says that Jud is panicking right now because he thinks he's to go. "Which he is," Sash adds. Chase agrees that Jud has to lose immunity today so they can vote him out. And since they've both made that very clear, it's equally clear that Jud is going to win immunity.
The Final Five arrive at the challenge. Probst explains: there are three stations with questions about Nicaragua. Oh, great. It's a school challenge. At each station, contestants will then have to pick one of two answers as the correct one and grab a bag of puzzle pieces from it. If they answered wrong, the puzzle pieces will be all black and they'll have to go back and get the correct bag. Once they've answered all three questions correctly and retrieved all three bags, they must solve the puzzle, which is pretty easy since it's just the show logo. First person to do so wins immunity. Pretty simply challenge, if you ask me. Didn't the second-to-last challenge used to be some big awesome obstacle course? And the contestants had to do it blindfolded or upside down or something just to make it extra fun for us to watch? This is even lamer than Jeopardy. The challenge creators really did stop giving a shit five seasons ago.
Probst calls go and the contestants run for the first station and its question: "Nicaragua shares its northern border with?" Choices are Guatemala or Honduras. Everyone guesses Honduras, and everyone is correct. The second question: "the east coast of Nicaragua is also known as the?" Choices are "gold coast" or "mosquito coast." I thought both of those coasts were in Africa, so I have no idea. The contestants, however, have been eaten alive by mosquitoes for the past month plus, so most of them go with mosquito coast except for Jud, who guesses gold coast. When Holly, Sash, and Chase reveal that they have the puzzle pieces, we know Jud is screwed. Chase may not fare much better, though, as he unknowingly drops a piece on the ground. Well, he wasn't going to solve that puzzle anyway. Meanwhile, Jud sees his bag of black puzzle piece fail and tosses them on the ground angrily. Yeah, it must suck to know you probably just lost out on a million dollars on a question like that. The final question is an easy one: "in the early 16th century, these people claimed Nicaragua for Spain," and the choices are "conquistadors," which Probst has been talking about all freaking season, or "matadors," which is ridiculous.
Chase, Holly, and Sash come back with their third and final bag of pieces as Jud is just bringing back his second. Well, that sucks. I kind of wanted Jud to win immunity just to watch the rest of them suffer and squirm. While Dan struggles to untie his second bag, Jud runs to get his third. Meanwhile, back at the start, Probst can't help but inform everyone that the puzzle is the season's logo. I'm sure they all knew that already, but still, why give it away like that? It used to be that part of the trick to solving these puzzles was that you didn't know what they were a picture of. Jud finally makes it back with his last bag and gets started. He has a lot of ground to make up, as Sash seems to have his puzzle nearly solved. Holly, on the other hand, seems to think that the first "V" in "Survivor" goes almost inside of the "R." And Chase doesn't even have his Vs because that piece is still on the ground. Dan makes it back with his final pieces only to earn a "Dan, way behind!" from Probst.
Suddenly, Jud's puzzle is coming along very nicely. This pleases Probst, who says Jud and Sash are now neck-and-neck for the win. Basically, it's going to come down to who can get the blank pieces around the logo in the right spots first. Sash is too busy looking at Jud's progress to make some of his own, and Jud somehow sneaks past him to solve the puzzle and win. "Good job Fabio," Sash mutters, since it's never too early to suck up. Chase complains that he's missing a piece, possibly hoping that this is down to a producer error. But no, Jud quickly locates Chase's piece on the ground and hands it to him. Jud doesn't just solve his puzzle, but Chase's, too! He's amazing. Dan gives him a nice nod as Jud celebrates his victory by rubbing his hands together and sticking out his tongue. Probst puts the necklace back around Jud's neck and says he is going to be in the Final Four while either Dan, Holly, Chase, or Sash is going to the jury tonight. During the slo-mo walk of shame, Holly interviews that Jud's win is bad news for the rest of them, obviously. But she hopes they'll just vote Dan out instead. Yeah, I don't think so. I would assume that everyone wants to bring him to the end, right?
Jud and the losers return to camp. The losers feign happiness for Jud, who interviews "I won again! It was awesome, man!" He uses his victory adrenaline to start a fire, somehow managing to do this despite the fact that Jane put it out and thought she was the only person in whole damn world capable or worthy of starting it again. Chase and Sash complain about how the challenge wasn't "more physical" as if Sash would have had a chance then. Jud interviews that now is finally the time for him to start playing aggressively and stop sitting back and letting everyone else plot and scheme. He plans to do this by convincing Chase and Sash to vote Holly out.
First he talks to Chase, asking if he really thinks Dan is a bigger threat than Holly. Chase says yes. Jud doesn't think anyone respects Dan or how he played (or, rather, didn't play) the game, but Chase is worried about the fact that no one is mad at Dan. He says he and Sash are more worried about Dan than Holly, then interviews that voting Dan out is an "easy decision" for him. As it turns out, though, he admits that he also thinks that Dan is less of a threat than Holly but just doesn't want to vote Holly out because he's so close to her and possibly also knows how bad things went when they voted Jane out and that Holly may well flip out similarly. Or worse. You never know with Holly! That's why she's so awesome.
Jud tells Dan that he's having a hard time convincing people to vote for Holly instead of Dan. Dan's solution is to convince Chase and Sash to vote for Holly. A rather exasperated Jud says he's trying to do that. Dan apparently has no desire to walk around trying to save himself, and does some slow, yet very simple, math to figure out that they only need one more vote to get rid of Holly, so Jud can try to win Sash over and forget about Chase. Dan interviews that Sash appears to be his last hope. He does not seem very happy about this, probably because I get the feeling that Dan just doesn't like Sash. Maybe it's because Dan is from Brooklyn and Sash lives in, like, another part of New York City? I don't know; in fact, I tend to forget where Dan is from when he's not mentioning it in every single interview so maybe he's not from Brooklyn after all. Or maybe he's from Brooklyn, CT? I wish he'd clear this up.
And so, Dan and Jud try to work on Sash, who says, so insincerely, that he'd love to go to the end with them. Dan says that's great, and all Sash has to do is vote for Holly. He points out that one good reason to keep him over Holly is that he's rich and everyone knows it. Holly, on the other hand, is a "little girl from North Dakota" with a "struggling farm" from a town with only 1,100 people in it. Why does that last thing matter? The smaller the town you're from, the more likely the jury is to vote for you to win money? Also, isn't Dan himself from a very small town? I can't remember! I think it's Brooklyn, Michigan? Their population is only 1,176 according to Wikipedia, so it's not like it's that much bigger than Holly's town. Also, I think he combined Holly and Jane together in his mind. Jane is from North Carolina. Holly is from South Dakota. And Jane has the struggling farm. I don't know if Holly has a farm or not, but her real job, we're supposed to believe, is as a swim coach. With that, Dan says he has said his piece and Sash and Jud will just have to do what they feel is right for them.
Sash and Jud walk off together as Jud interviews that his plan is to try to talk to Sash by himself without Chase wandering up and interfering like usual. Sash tells Jud he wants to vote Dan out tonight. "That could be bad for you, man," Jud says, pointing out that Sash would have a hard time beating Chase and Holly in the Final Three. Sash nods and interviews that Jud had many good points and Holly and Chase might be giving Dan too much credit as a threat. And Holly could get a lot of votes from the many women on the jury just because she's the last woman standing. Yes, I'm sure Jane will be chomping at the bit to write Holly's name down. And, Sash says, Holly could get votes from old people. Again, I'll bet Jane is first in line there. "I'm not trying to save Dan, I'm just trying to split up Chase and Holly while we can," Jud says. "You bring up good points," Sash says, but he sounds completely insincere just like he does about everything else.
Of course, Holly walks up at this point because she's always nearby. She asks Sash and Jud who they're thinking of voting out tonight. Sash says Dan, "of course." Jud agrees, which surprises Holly because she assumed Jud would want to keep Dan around. In fact, she thinks Jud is trying to talk to Sash about voting for her. Jud shakes his head almost imperceptibly and looks guilty as hell. While the contestants grab their torches and prepare to leave, Holly interviews that she's worried that Dan and Jud are trying to turn Sash and Chase against her. She says there isn't much she can do about that other than trust in her alliance and hope her name isn't written down tonight. That seems to be most people's game plans this season. To hope for the best rather than actively try to save themselves. And it's made for a thrilling ride.
Probst looks especially bored tonight as the five file in. He calls the jury in, and we get our first look at post-boot Jane and her sourpuss glare. Oh, and her gigantic hair that is like three times the size of her head. Lady, you are 56. No more bikinis, no more giant hair. Come on now. Probst starts by asking Jud how important his win today was. Jud says that it was obviously a big deal for him. Probst follows that up by asking if tonight's vote is about getting rid of the jury threat and keeping the jury goat around. Jud says it is. Thank you, Probst, for asking Jud to repeat really obvious facts. Probst then turns to Dan and reminds him how much he sucks and thus is a good choice to take to the end. Dan agrees, saying he has lots of money and so no one is going to give him another million, and that's been his strategy the entire game. Probst asks Sash if he thinks Dan makes a good argument. Sash says he does, because taking Dan to the end just makes you that much more likely to win. This is, like, the most boring Tribal Council ever so far. Everyone is just saying things we all already know.
Perhaps hoping to create some excitement, Probst turns to Holly and hopes she's in a crazy mood as he asks her if she's nervous about tonight since there were "a lot of fingers pointing at" her last time. Yeah, Probst's fingers, desperately trying to point Holly under the bus in a futile effort to save Jane. Why hasn't she yelled at Probst yet for that shit? Holly says she knows that Dan is going around trying to rally the others behind him and against Holly. "Why would that make sense?" Probst asks. Wait, so he's asking Holly to tell the other contestants why they should vote her out instead of Dan? Why does he hate Holly so much? She says Dan wants there to be four guys in the Final Four. Dan denies this, saying he wants Holly to be voted out tonight because she's a threat to win, and a much bigger one than he is. Holly asks how she can be a threat, and Dan says she's "the lady from South Dakota, 1,100 people in her town ... " while the jury laughs like they've probably heard these lines many times before. At least Dan got the state correct this time. And dropped the part about the farm. I guess someone (probably Chase) clued him in on that. Holly fails to see how any of this makes her a threat. Probst says of course Holly would say that and it doesn't matter whether or not she sees herself as a jury threat but whether or not everyone else does.
Probst asks Chase for his opinion, and Chase says you have to think all the time in this game and his mind is "always turning," as most of the jury know. Cut to Jane, scowling and wearing poorly applied eye makeup. Chase doesn't have much else to add, so Probst goes back to Holly and asks her to say why they should vote Dan out tonight instead of her. Holly says they have to think about whether or not Dan has played this game aggressively and talked to people and made alliances. He hasn't, so ... is she saying he should be voted out because of that? Because that seems like a reason not to vote him out. Probst actually points this out, because he hates Holly and wants her to go home. I thought he hated Dan, too, though, so I'm not sure why he's rallying so hard to keep him now.
Probst turns back to Jud and says tonight's vote is important, because if Jud votes for the "wrong" person, he could lose a million dollars. Oh, please. Jud has to know that whether or not he wins a million dollars depends on if he wins immunity. But he says it could be a million dollar decision and that, again, Holly is just as much of a threat as Dan, if not moreso. The women like her and her Tribal Council answers have been "pretty good." Except, you know, for the one where she basically gave them all the reasons why they should keep Dan over her. "That's a compliment to Holly. I think she's a pretty cool lady," Jud says, always trying to win a jury vote.
Probst sends them off to vote with that. We don't see how anyone votes. Probst returns with the urn and the first vote is for Dan, who nods. There's a second vote for Dan. And then a vote for ... Chase. So Dan knew he was a goner and decided to throw a vote Chase's way to make a statement, much like how Jane tried to make a statement when she voted for Sash. Except that she didn't because they never actually read that vote out. Anyway, Dan gets a third vote and he's out. Holly didn't get any votes after all that, which she seems pretty happy about. Dan limps off through the graveyard and he's gone. Bye, Dan! I have no idea why they voted you out when you seemed like the perfect person to take to the end, but whatever! I'm sure you aren't bitter about it or anything.
Probst congratulates the Final Four and sends them off. Suddenly, we cut to Dan's farewell speech, in which he goes off on everyone except Jud. The guy who claimed that nothing bothers him is seriously pissed. He says he voted for Chase tonight just to show him how much he dislikes him. "I want nothing to do with you. Holly, you're a crook. You stole my shoes, they oughta cut your damn hands off. Sash, you're just like a whining little girl. [Humorous, if not exactly accurate, imitation of Sash's whining] And you're a liar! I wish them the worst and I can't wait to cast my vote." Wow! That came out of NOWHERE! Dan must have been secretly hating these people for the past 30-something days! Surely there were amazing interviews from him about these people! Why didn't we get to see them? This show is terrible.
While some kind of sloth thing watches from the night vision trees, the Final Four return to camp and congratulate each other. Or rather, Chase, Holly, and Sash congratulate each other while Jud stands around as an obvious outsider. Even he knows it, but still asks Sash and Chase if they're down with going to the Final Three with him should Holly not win immunity. Sash says absolutely. Chase doesn't say anything. Sash interviews that things are going well for him because he believes that no matter who wins immunity tomorrow, he or she will take Sash to the end because everyone promised him this. Apparently, Sash doesn't realize that other people are just as capable of making false Final Three promises as he is. He says if Jud loses the last immunity challenge, he will be voted out for sure because he's the biggest threat to Sash's jury domination.
The day, Jud walks down to the beach, leaving Holly and Chase behind to plot and scheme. Or rather, to discuss how important it is that Jud not win today. It's very important, in case you didn't get that from the first 30 times it's been mentioned. Holly interviews that if Jud does win, it means they'll have to scramble and vote out someone from their alliance. "It'll be very interesting to see what happens," she says. I bet it won't be, though. Holly is already rallying to vote Sash out if Jud wins, saying he'd probably get a lot of votes from the jury. Chase seems to agree with her. Holly says she and Chase need to stick together and they fist-bump on this because Holly probably watches a lot of Deal or No Deal.
But then! Jud and Chase take a walk on the beach and Jud asks if Chase is still down with a Final Three of Jud, Chase, and Sash. Chase says he definitely is. So basically, everyone has made a Final Three agreement with Jud except Holly. Whoops. Chase interviews that he doesn't like lying, but he has to stay on Jud's good side in case he wins immunity again. Chase and Jud return to camp with treemail, which comes with a stupid sword prop and a really long note. It doesn't have much to say despite its wordiness, just saying that they'll do the usual fallen comrades walk on their way to the last challenge. This calls for a group hug and then Holly interviewing about how important the boring, time-filler rites of passage walk is, especially since she'll have to represent for all of the old people, from Wendy Jo to Dan. "It is a huge responsibility," she says. No, it's not.
First up: Wendy Jo. "Whenever you looked at her, she glowed," Holly says. I think that's because Wendy Jo was only around only during those first three days when Holly was at her most insane, so she probably actually did think that Wendy Jo was glowing. Wendy Jo learned nothing from her ouster, saying that if she could play this game again, she would not keep quiet but tell everyone "how great I am." Yeah, that would have gotten her eliminated from the game even sooner than she already was. By Dan. And the machete. Shannon was the second contestant eliminated, and he sucks and he's an asshole, so no one has anything nice to say about him. Chase goes with "I'm sure outside this game, Shannon's an awesome guy." I doubt it. Shannon complains that his tribe was a bunch of "little kids" or whatever. Holly goes on and on about Jimmy Johnson and how he kept her in the game, and Jimmy Johnson reminds us for the last time (until the reunion show, I'm sure) that he has something to do with football, and this game was harder than that. Jud says that Jimmy T. was "one of the goofier characters" in this game, which is saying a lot since Jud is pretty goofy himself. Jimmy T. makes a variety of crazy man faces in his montage and talks about how he tried to control an uncontrollable game. I forgot how insane Jimmy T. was. Wow. This season could have been so awesome if they hadn't gotten rid of all the insanity before the tribe swap.
Ah, Tyrone. "Tyrone the fireman," is all Holly has to say about the guy, who says the need to be socially strong came sooner than he expected and he didn't adjust in time. The need to be socially strong is always there, from Day 1 to Day 39. Tyrone didn't realize that (and still doesn't, apparently), so that's why he was taken out so soon. Kelly B. is , and we are reminded that she has one leg and did a lot with it. Except be interesting or memorable. Kelly B. says this show taught her that she had a thicker skin than she thought. I hope so, because otherwise those Naonka comments she didn't know about until the show actually aired probably hurt. Speaking of people who weren't interesting or memorable, there's Yve. And then we get Jill, who was so awesome for like two episodes and then basically turned into Yve. Except without the giant fake boobs. Jud says Jill was a great challenge competitor but didn't do much in her social game. True; it seems like as soon as Jill got screwed over in the tribe swap, she just rolled over and gave up. And then she apparently got really drunk, because she is slurring her words like crazy in her voiceover.
And then the tribes merged into Libertad and Alina got voted off. Sash blows some smoke up her ass about how she was one of the best competitors in the game or whatever and she says she was happy to be eliminated because she was a threat rather than because she was dispensable. I don't know why it can't be both. And Marty, who Jud remembers fondly as someone who always had a master plan. Too bad the producers had a master plan, too, and totally screwed him over. Marty says he expected to do a lot of lying, cheating, and stealing in this game, but ended up playing pretty honestly, which he loves. Sash has kind words for Brenda, who he calls a "great strategist" and "almost a mastermind." Not completely a mastermind, though, as I'm sure Sash considers himself to be that. We get plenty of shots of Brenda in her bikini as she says she's proud of how she stayed so focused in this game and thinks she came out of it "a new person."
Uh oh! Now we have the torches of our two quitters. Because the producers still hate them for it (though not enough to make their actions have actual consequences) they painted their little shields black and put big X's on them. Very mature. And, of course, no one has anything good to say about Naonka. Holly shakes her head at Naonka's quitter attitude, and Sash says she was "definitely disappointing." And the editors are sure to include Naonka's worst moments in her montage, juxtaposing the footage of her wrestling a woman with one leg with her voiceover claiming that she was "always friendly," which is pretty funny. She also thinks that she was "the smartest player in the game ... and the craziest!" No and ... no, actually. I think there were crazier people around, amazingly enough. Naonka might be the meanest and most selfish, though. But definitely and by far not the smartest. Why is it that really stupid always think they're so smart? I don't get it. The other Kelly's shield actual has her name down as "Purple Kelly." The four stare at it and again disapprove of her quitting ways. It would have been awesome if they'd just cut to the torch right here and not even given her a montage or voiceover, but they don't. We see the three shots that consisted of all of the other Kelly's camera time this season again as she says it's going to be tough for her to go home and have her friends and family see her as a quitter. Little does she know that they won't actually see her at all.
Ben pats himself on the back, saying that the others were smart to get rid of him because he would have won all the rest of the individual immunities and thus won his way to the Final Three. "Unless there were some puzzles involved," he adds. Yeah, or unless Jane was competing in them, seeing as how she beat him. Twice. Speaking of Jane, she's . Wow, what are they going to say about her after she was so horrible to them at the end there? I guess Chase still likes her, as he says that if this game was about who worked the hardest, Jane would have won the million. But it's not, so she didn't. And yes, she mentions North Freaking Carolina in her short voiceover. If she does that and Dan, who's the last torch up there, doesn't talk about New York, I will eat my computer. Sure enough, after the Final Four (three of whom are apparently not aware of how much Dan hates them) say kind words for Dan, he reminds us that he is a "city boy" and this experience taught him not to be "such a bee-yotch" and be less spoiled. I'm sure his mob underlings will appreciate that. After they're done carrying out all those hits on various contestants he ordered. Awesomely, they end Dan's voiceover with him just randomly saying "New York." Seriously, he said "I think I'm gonna be a lot less spoiled when I get back. New York." And with that, the Final Four reach the top of the hill and throw the wooden shields into a firepit after some BS about the people who helped them make it to the end. They group hug around the tiny little fire as Jud interviews, once again, that he has to win the challenge.
We see swords and bowls full of coins as the four approach their last challenge. Probst takes the necklace away from Jud while the other three desperately hope he doesn't get it back. Probst explains the challenge: contestants must balance a sword, blade end down, on yet another shield with one hand while using the other hand to stack coins on a small platform on top of the sword's handle. As the coin stack grows, it will become harder and harder to keep it from toppling over. This challenge kind of sucks for one reason: everything in it is variable between the players. The shields each contestant has to balance their swords on aren't identical, nor are the swords themselves or especially the coins, which are supposed to look like old doubloons. If one contestant's coins happen to be flatter than another's, then that's an unfair advantage. It's probably not going to make or break anything, but why do it in the first place? Just make everyone's items look exactly the same so it's not even an issue.
Anyway, the challenge begins as the contestants get their swords into position and put the first coin on the platform with no problems. The second coin also goes on without a hitch. "Looking good!" Probst says. He sounds especially creepy in this challenge. Anyway, by the time the third coin is on the stacks, it's clear that the coins' unevenness is going to make short work of this contest, since the stacks are already starting to slant. After a short stacking montage, Probst states the obvious that these coins are "not the coins you're used to" that would be "very easy to stack." Well, yeah, until the stack got high enough. Probst just doesn't want to wait that long. Several coins in, there's a scary moment when Jud's stack nearly falls, but he somehow manages to keep it together, though still leaning dangerously to one side. Fortunately for Jud, however, Probst says that he can fix and straighten up his stack during the five second period they get to place the coin. Jud gets the coin on the tower and stabilizes it at the same time.
A few coins later, though, one of Holly's coins slips and falls as she's getting ready to place another one on top of it. She's out, and pissed about it. Chase follows soon after, unable to keep his tower standing when he pulls his hand away after placing the coin. And that means that their hopes rest on Sash. Uh oh. It's tough to say who has the edge here; both stacks look ready to go any minute. The suspense ramps up. Well, as much as it can, seeing as how we're watching coin stacks. And then ... Sash takes too long figuring out where to place his coin and runs out of time, forcing him to have to pretty much drop it on the stack. It collapses, and Jud wins again! He's pretty happy about this, because he must know that he not only just won immunity, but also a million dollars. And he doesn't have to pretend to be nice to the other alliance anymore, so I think he should just start telling them to suck it as Probst puts the necklace on one last time. Jud's shit-eating grin leads the way back to camp.
"I'm loving this, man!" Jud tells us as the four return to camp and the ass-kissing begins; "I get to come back to camp and watch the three of 'em try to plead their case for why I should take them to the Final Three." I never understand why the person who wins immunity before a Final Three Tribal thinks he gets to make the decision on who to vote out. If he decided to vote for Sash and Chase and Sash wanted to vote for Holly, then it would either be a tie between Sash and Holly or, if Holly didn't realize what was going on and voted for Chase, then Holly would be going home. And it's not too far-fetched to say that Holly wouldn't know what was going on, as she immediately decides to head out to fetch some water with a reluctant Chase, thus leaving Sash behind with Jud. Gee, I wonder what they'll talk about? Is Holly nuts? Or does she think that Sash would rather keep her and vote Chase out and that's what he'll be talking to Jud about? Or maybe she's just going to double back and hide behind some nearby bushes to listen in on what Sash and Jud are saying when they think no one else is around?
"Holly has to be nervous," Sash says with a big confident grin. "Yeah, I guess," Jud shrugs, playing this perfectly; "I haven't made up my mind." Sash tries to keep that fake smile plastered on his face, but it's not easy. He interviews that Jud's immunity wins are a "big disaster" for his alliance and he'll do whatever he has to in order to convince Jud to keep him. He tells Jud that he'll vote for whoever Jud wants him to, then goes over the jury and who they are most likely to vote for. While Jud tries to suppress a huge grin, Sash comes up with several votes for Chase, including one from Holly if she goes tonight. Sash says they might need to vote Chase out tonight. "It's out of Chase's hands right now," Jud says, suddenly very, very confident and sure of himself. You get the sense that he knows exactly what he's doing, and may have this entire time.
Sash asks what Jud's deal is, and Jud says he's wondering if, had he lost today, Sash, Chase, and Holly would have voted him out. Immediately, Sash says that he would have taken Jud to the Final Three with him, because "you're my best friend in the game and I guarantee, I promise you, I've never said that to anyone else here." And that is, of course, bullshit, and it sounds like bullshit because Sash, for how smart and slick he thinks he is, is so transparent. Jud is not fooled. In fact, he's desperately trying to keep himself from laughing in Sash's face. There's one great shot of them sitting in the shelter. Sash looks away, and Jud steals a look at him and smirks, then turns away, shaking his head.
That praying mantis has got to be full by now, since we've seen it eating that same bug almost as many times as we've seen the mother whale and whale baby. But never as many times as we saw that yellow snake. Chase gets a moment alone with Jud and asks him what he and Sash talked about. Jud answers quite honestly and gleefully that Sash was trying to make a case to vote Chase out, since he would get a lot of jury votes. Chase interviews that he's pissed off that Sash would go behind his back like that and actually try to, you know, play the game of Survivor. He says he and Sash promised that they wouldn't go after each other, although I have a feeling Chase made that same promise to Holly and couldn't be expected to honor both promises, so if Sash hadn't turned against him, it was only a matter of time before Chase had to turn against Sash or Holly. But now he has an excuse to turn on Sash. Jud continues that Sash said that he doesn't know about Chase, but if he won today he would have taken Jud and Chase to the Final Three with him. "That's ridiculous!" Chase spits. He tells Jud that Sash always told him that it would be them and Holly in the end, not Jud. Jud says he had a "sneaking suspicion" that was the plan. That's like having a sneaking suspicion that the sun is going to rise tomorrow.
Jud interviews from the chair-shaped rock (or maybe that's a huge piece of driftwood? Or, most likely, they bought it at Pier 1 and had it shipped to the set) that he realizes now that Sash is a sleazeball who will tell anyone anything to further himself in the game and he hates that, but he also thinks it's hilarious that Sash doesn't realize that Jud sees right through him. He says that as soon as he told Chase all of this, Chase was all over selling Sash out. Thus, he concludes, his tribemates are like a bunch of roaches scurrying away from the light and throwing each other under the bus to do so. Whoa, there, Jud. Too many metaphors. Jud asks Chase if he would have taken Jud to the Final Three if he didn't have immunity, and Chase says no. Jud says he knew it.
Finally, Holly talks to Jud, albeit with Chase sitting nearby. She also says that she didn't want to go to the end with Jud, saying it's because she was in an alliance with Chase and Sash. Why doesn't she just say she didn't want to go to the end with Jud because she knew he'd clean up and get all the votes? Like we don't all already know that's what's going to happen now that Jud has immunity? Holly says that Sash played a "tremendous game" and the jury may well reward him for that if he's in the Final Three. "She has a pretty good point," Chase says. Jud nods, then interviews that, in the end, both Sash and Chase lied to him when they said they wanted to go to the Final Three with him, while Holly never made those promises. That's one reason why Jud would want to bring her to the end over one of his lying non-allies. But it's also a reason why Jud should get rid of her, because most likely the rest of jury (except for Jane) could say the same. Jud tells Holly and Chase that he's just trying to figure out who has relationships with jury members and could take votes away from Jud. As everyone gets ready to leave, Jud says that Holly "deserves" to be in the Final Three for the way she's played, but that could also mean that she "deserves" jury votes for the million. Good point.
Second-to-last Tribal Council time! The jury files in, and Jane looks as sour as ever. Dan has a small smile on his face, possibly because he just saw that Jud has the immunity necklace on. In fact, the huge smile on Jud's face even gets a grin from Jane when he tells Probst he's feeling pretty damn good right now. Probst asks Jud if he had a fun afternoon with everyone trying to talk to him and convince him to take him to the end. Jud says that did happen, and it was especially funny to him after spending the last few days especially feeling like he was "on the outs." Probst asks for a breakdown of what the others said to him, starting with Sash. Jud says that Sash told him he would have honored his promise to Jud and taken him to the end if Jud hadn't won immunity. This makes the jurors laugh. Jud continues that he "saw through" Sash, who makes a sad face. Jud moves on to Chase, saying that he told him he would not have taken Jud to the end, as Jud expected.
Probst asks Sash for his side of the story, and Sash says he just continued the conversation he's been having with Jud for a while now about who would get the most jury votes. Holly has a reaction to this, apparently not realizing until now that Sash was having these talks with Jud all along. Probst asks Sash if he would have taken Jud to the end or if, like Chase said, that was a lie. Sash says he's made many alliances with many people. "No shit," the other Kelly blurs in an uncharacteristic show of anything. Sash continues that he's been "more committal" to Jud than Chase has. Yeah, so? Sash's commitment is obviously worth nothing. He just said so. Jud asks Sash again if he would have taken him to the end if Jud hadn't won. Sash looks him right in the eye and says he thinks he would have. This gets quite the reaction from both the remaining players and the jury, none of whom appear to buy what Sash is selling. Probst asks Sash if he "thinks" he would have taken Jud or if he definitely would have taken Jud. Sash says he can't say for sure since he never had to make that choice, but admits that he made an alliance with Chase and Holly as well as one with Jud. He made promises that he knew he would not be able to keep. Jane shakes her head at this, as if everyone else who ever played this game hasn't done the exact same thing. Even Chase, who is a moron, knew enough to promise people things he wasn't going to deliver.
Probst finally remembers that Holly is still around and asks her what she told Jud to convince him to keep her. Holly says that she and Jud were sitting in the shelter, like we really care where their conversation took place, and she told him that she was proud of his accomplishments that screwed her and her alliance over and that Sash is probably Jud's biggest threat in front of a jury and should be voted out tonight. She also told him that she would have voted him out tonight if he lost the immunity challenge. So now Holly and Chase look like the honest players and Sash looks like a weasel, a perception he is doing nothing to change. In fact, he's owning up to it. Because he figures that Jud would rather go against a sleazy liar than an honest housewife in the end. Not a bad plan, Sash.
Probst concludes that Jud's vote tonight will be based on who he wants to sit to tomorrow night, and Jud says it is, and he no longer has to feel compelled to honor his agreements with Chase and Sash since they wouldn't have honored theirs with him. Probst gives the non-immunity-having three one last chance to convince Jud to take them to the end. Sash goes first, saying that he is the "most honest" and "most committed" contestant to Jud while Holly rolls her eyes. Chase says if Jud wants to know who the most honest and committed contestant is, it's Chase, not Sash. Jud says Chase was honest, albeit "at the very last second." And Holly says she was also honest with Jud and happy that he respects her and thinks highly of her or something. That's not exactly a reason to keep her around. In fact, none of these people offered up the only reason, which is that Jud will beat them. Or if they did, it was edited out so as not to make it so incredibly obvious that Jud is going to win. Even though it already is.
We don't see how anyone votes. Probst returns with the urn. The first vote is for Sash, which makes Jane happy. But then, a vote for Holly. And a second vote for Holly. Will there be a tie? No way. Holly is the final member of the jury. She takes the walk through the graveyard to the Loser's Lodge, where apparently she was so hated that only two people bothered to be there to greet her, which sucks because I didn't think she did anything that bad to anyone. It also suggests that Jud should have kept her around because she wasn't as popular with the jury as he thought, and I think Sash is going to get a lot of votes.. Anyway, Probst gives his usual speech about how Chase, Sash, and Jud have gone as far as possible in this game and now the power shifts to the jury, which is full of quitters and bitters.
Holly's good-bye speech is pretty gracious, if a bit self-serving. She says she wanted to give up on Day 5 only to make it to Day 38, and that her family and "true friends" back home will be proud of her. I guess her fake friends will not be proud of her? I'm not sure what that was about.
So! The Final Three return to camp and pretend they're all friends. Jud says his strategy at the last Tribal was to show the jury and his fellow contestants that he's not as stupid and naïve as they all thought and that he knew what was really going on the whole time. But, he says, he's not done and has plenty more to say at the Final Tribal. Chase knows what's going on, too, and that he and Sash have no shot at winning against Jud, who the jury clearly favors. But, he says, now that Jud can't vote him out, he's ready to finally have his say in front of the jury. Sash says he just got called out on everything he's done so far and at the same time didn't know if he was going to be voted out or not, so that Tribal Council was tough. Cry me a river, Sash. Jud maintains that he always wanted to be in the end with Chase and Sash, but they apparently had other plans. Chase says that was true, but Jud forced them to break up their alliance and vote Holly out. Sash, on the other hand, plays nice with everyone before running off to an interview to say that Chase and Jud don't deserve to be in the Final Three with him because he played the "best strategic game." Back with Jud and Chase, though, he says he's really happy to be at the end with "two guys who are just awesome," calling them his "two wingmen." Jud says nothing, but interviews that when Sash called him and Chase his wingmen, he thought "you can take a backseat." Ha ha ha ha! I still don't understand why Jud hasn't been dancing around this entire time telling them to suck it and watch him win a million dollars tomorrow. "This is gonna be fun," he promises.
The morning. Jud wakes up, still in a great mood since he knows he just won a million dollars. The three guys walk to get their final breakfast and talk about how exhausted they are, only to perk up a bit when they see all the food waiting for them at treemail. "SYRUP!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Chase cries. Sash talks about what a treat the breakfast was, sounding just as phony when he's (probably) being sincere as when he isn't. It's like he doesn't know how to sound like a real person anymore. He says that he will do battle with Chase and Jud tonight even though they helped him get to the end, making them "the best of friends and the worst of enemies." And then we celebrate the all-guy Final Three with a shot of many sausages cooking. A sausage party, if you will. Chase interviews that for all they're smiling at each other and talking about how happy they are to be at the end together, he's ready to cut their throats tonight. To that end, he tells Jud that he's sure he won a million dollars in the hopes that it will make him overconfident and possibly cost him some votes. Wow, Chase. Way to come up with a killer instinct on Day 39. Kind of like how Jud's developed on Day 37. And Sash's began, like, in the womb.
While Chase is in the rain interviewing how he's ready to kick some ass, Jud and Sash sun themselves on the beach one last time before they get ready to go. Jud says he's focused and ready to play for a million dollars and go in "swinging." As the guys set fire to their shelter (again), Sash interviews that he's nervous about the wrath he's expecting to face from the jurors tonight but plans to tell the truth. Even though he may not be capable of that any more. Chase says that he's the underdog tonight but he's going to trade in on the real relationships he made with people that Jud didn't and the game he played that he thinks is better than Sash's to try to win some votes.
Chase, Jud, and Sash enter Tribal Council. The jury follows. Holly is looking pretty good all cleaned up! Unlike, you know, some other jury members (coughJANEcough). Probst makes his little speech about the jury having power now and gives the floor to the guys to make their opening statements. Which aren't really opening statements anymore since they don't get closing statements. They are just statements, really. Chase goes first and calls the jury "y'all" a lot in a standard suck up speech about what an honor it was to play this game with them before challenging them to "bring on the questions" so he can try to explain his "crazy" and "wishy-washy" game to the people he knows are angry at him. Pretty good speech, and much better than I would have expected from Chase. Jud copies Chase and says that he, too, enjoyed playing with the members of the jury, which causes Naonka to frown since she knows that she and Jud did not have much fun together. Jud says that his strategy was to just be himself and as open and honest as possible, then turn it on at the end when he needed to. He reminds the jurors that he didn't stab any of them in the back and for this, he deserves a million dollars because he will "have a lot of fun" with it. So, basically, a vote for Jud is a vote for no one since he's going to fritter it all away within a year. The jury laughs at this, because they love Jud due to him not being Chase or Sash. Speaking of Sash, he tells the jury that he also enjoyed playing with them and that they should vote for the person who outwitted, outplayed, and outlasted the best. I wouldn't say that if I were him, since they're tied when it comes to outlasting, Jud probably outplayed them all with his three immunity wins, and I don't know that any of the final three did a whole lot of outwitting. So Jud probably has the edge there. Sash concludes by saying that the friendships he made in this game were real even if his alliances weren't. The jury scowls at him.
After the break, it's time to hear from the jury. Brenda goes first. She congratulates the three, then yells at Sash for thinking that he could make alliances he knew he was going to break and turn around and expect the people he screwed over to respect his gameplay. Sash interrupts her to say that he is "remorseful" over what he did to people but that was part of the game and his strategy. That argument hasn't worked for like five seasons now (especially when you're up against someone who did no scheming at all), but whatever. Brenda turns to Chase and talks about their "emotional attachment," which is funny since Brenda doesn't really have emotions. Anyway, Brenda says it kind of sucked that Chase said he would never vote for her, and then he did, and "easily," too, she thinks. Chase says he fought for her the entire time, and that he was the one who told her what Holly was planning. Which is true. He says that when Jud and Naonka decided to vote for Brenda, he had no choice but to vote for her, too. Sash shakes his head, so Brenda asks if he disagrees. Sash says he thinks Chase could have "stepped up more." That was the wrong thing to say, because both Chase and Brenda point out that Sash did less to help Brenda than Chase did, not to mention that he could have stepped up himself and given Brenda that idol. Sash just nods helplessly and Brenda sits down. Jud smiles. He is going to get off very easy tonight.
Marty is . He congratulates the three on making it to the end, then asks Chase to award someone either in the Final Three or on the jury Marty's "Dumber Than A Bag Of Hammers" award. Of course, Marty is ineligible to receive this award even though he made the potentially seriously stupid move of giving Sash his immunity idol. Chase does not like this question or, it seems, Marty, and says he isn't going to give it to anyone in the Final Three since they're in the Final Three and the jury is not, and the person on the jury he really wants to give it to is Marty, but he's not allowed to. Marty realizes he's not getting anywhere here and moves on to Sash, praising him for being a "cerebral player," then explaining to Chase what "cerebral" means. Jud laughs. Chase rolls his eyes. This is the kind of shit that got Marty voted out, by the way. Marty apparently doesn't have a question for Sash, as he then turns to Jud and says he's changed as a person and a player more than anyone else in this game.
Holly, still looking great, asks Chase what his best "strategical" move was in the game. Chase says it happened in the beginning, when he took a chance and joined Brenda's alliance over Shannon's because he thought he could trust them more even though they were the minority alliance at the time. Hey, remember Sash's minority alliance? And how he wanted to be in the Final Three with people who weren't white? And yet, here he is in the Final Three with two of the whitest guys ever. Yeah. Holly asks Jud if his three immunity wins were "too little, too late." Huh? Of course not! If he won immunity any earlier, he would have been voted out before Ben. I think he actually threw some of those challenges intentionally for the sole purpose of not being seen as a big threat. Jud says he won immunity at the exact right time - when he was the to go if he didn't. Holly then asks Sash if he ever lied to her. She wants an honest answer, but Sash half-asses it by telling her something she already knows - that he lied to her when he said he would never vote her out, just like she lied to him about the same thing. But he's really sorry. "I really respect you guys. I had a great time," Holly concludes graciously. The person who gets booted off right before the end is usually the most bitter, so this was nice to see.
Uh oh. Jane is speaking now. And wearing yet another age inappropriate outfit. And hair. Jane addresses Sash first, insulting his mother I guess by saying she raised him to be a "New York City river rat" and she wants him to crawl back into the gutters he came from. "Okay?" she says, trying to look threatening and badass but failing miserably. How is Jud able to hold back laughter right now? Oh, wait - he can't. He bursts out laughing. Jane ignores him and turns to Chase. She's slightly less angry with him than she was with Sash, saying that while she is "still totally pissed" at him, they did have fun together before he voted her out. She asks him what he would do if she gave him the million. Chase immediately says that he would give $100,000 to a charity his brother set up that raises money for cancer in honor of their father, who died from a combination of skin cancer and a heart attack. I'd love to link to that charity, but it appears that their account has been "suspended" and the site is gone. Oh well! Chase says he would also make sure his mother was taken care of. Jud says he wants to take care of his parents, too! He realizes that it sounds like he's just piggybacking on what Chase said, and says they probably all want to take care of their parents. Except Sash, who is evil. And Probst, who makes fun of his mother on national television. Jane says she "thoroughly enjoyed" meeting Chase and Jud's mothers, though not, apparently, Sash's. Because it's her fault that Sash screwed Jane over somehow. Lay off people's innocent family members already, Jane.
Does Ben have anything to say? Do I care? Well, he says he doesn't need to hear anything from Chase and congratulates Jud before informing Sash that he saw through his "fake smile" and goofy laugh the entire game and wants to know what about Ben told Sash that he was "a mark." "What did I do wrong?" he asks. Sash says that if Ben really saw through him, then he should have done something to get rid of Sash before Sash took him out. Exactly. Shut up, Ben. Sash says he thought Ben was a "solid player" but ultimately he couldn't trust Ben to take him to the end, so he got rid of him.
And here comes Dan, who manages to be even angrier than Jane and a good deal scarier. He calls Sash a "spineless liar" and a "phony" whose smile he hates and who needs to get his eye fixed so he stops winking. Sash smiles and winks. Dan turns to Chase and accuses him of stabbing almost everyone on the jury in the back, especially his "right hand person" Jane, who smiles and looks very satisfied with herself. Dan says Chase let her down and let him down, too. "This is Survivor, Dan," Chase says, totally over it. Ha! He's right. Meanwhile, Sash apparently isn't going to say anything in response to these people, so they'll probably vote for Chase for finally having a backbone over Sash, who I used to think would give Jud a run for his money. "Beauty fades. Dumb is forever," Dan says. And he's done on that note. I would not want to make Dan angry.
The other Kelly gets a chance to get more camera time than she's had all season, and she acknowledges that Sash, Chase, and Jud stuck out the entire 39 days when she couldn't make it to 29. She gives Sash 60 seconds (no one is timing it, though) to tell the jury how he outwitted everyone. This is actually a good question for Sash because it gives him another chance to make a case for why he should get votes based on his superior strategy. Instead, he just says that he created all of his alliances in order to save himself from being voted out and he's sorry now that he's getting "all this feedback" from people who are angry at him. "That is not the answer I was expecting," says the other Kelly, who did not, ultimately, vote for Sash. So I guess it wasn't the answer she wanted, either. Except she then says that she loved his "honesty" and thought it was "perfect." She doesn't have any questions for Chase or Jud.
Naonka is in just as good of a mood as the other Kelly was, so I guess their quitting wasn't such a bad thing for them after all. They could not be happier tonight. Naonka, who I must say also cleans up well when she's smiling and not being shot from the most unflattering camera angle possible, states the obvious about each contestant before asking if seeing his mother gave Jud the fuel he needed to turn it on and win all of those immunities. Jud says that he only saw his mother briefly at the challenge but that it definitely helped him get to the end. And here he starts crying, except I don't see any tears. Hmm. The rest of the jury wipes away tears, and Naonka says she appreciates Jud's "realness, like, for real." And that's it from Naonka. Well, that was unexpectedly pleasant.
Alina is kind of a punk, so she starts off by calling Jud a "surfer boy" before saying that she doesn't want to give a million dollars to a "boy" -- she wants to give it to a man. A man like Chase, obviously. Or Sash, who she asks to convince her that he deserves the money more than "the young guys." Sash is, what, five years older than Chase? He wasn't on Espada. Geez. Sash says that Jud was out of the loop most of the time before Tribal, to which Jud interrupts to say that he knew more of what was going on than they gave him credit for. I don't know; he sure seemed clueless on that volcano award when Naonka had to spell it out for him that they were voting for Brenda. Sash insists that Jud was clueless a couple times while Chase was "wishy-washy" and waited for someone else to step up and make a decision instead of doing it himself. How does that make Sash better at outwitting them, though?
Alina says that Chase has been a "pleasant surprise" to her tonight because he came in strong and ready to stand up for what he believes. She asks him why she should vote for him over the other two. Chase says that rather than being "wishy-washy," he was doing whatever he had to in order to play the game with people he trusted while still making sure that if his alliance ever did fall apart, he'd still have options. That's what Sash did too, but they're all acting like he's evil for it. He says that Sash sold Brenda out behind her back and denied being close with her while Jud really didn't know what was going on like he said he did. Jud says that while Chase tried to get through the game without pissing anyone off, Jud actually accomplished this. Chase says that's true, but that wasn't because of his strategy -- he was able to do it because he had no idea what was going on most of the time and winning immunity challenges. Chase says simply winning challenges doesn't mean Jud outwitted, outplayed, and outlasted them. Jud says it kind of does mean he outplayed, actually. Sash says the important thing is outwitting, and Jud says he only thinks that because he didn't outplay anyone. Ha! Alina says she's happy to see "two, maybe three men fighting for what they want." Alina is why we don't have a female president.
Anyway, Probst claims that we got some "interesting information" from these "good questions," and now the jury gets to give Jud a million dollars. They vote. The other Kelly struggles to open the pen because she is stupid and useless. We don't see who Marty votes for, but he wants you to know that he thinks Chase is the stupidest player ever and Sash is "a weasel." And then we see that he voted for Jud. "I love you and I loved your game," he says. Which is ridiculous since Jud didn't really have a "game." If he's voting for the best game-player, it's Sash. But he's mad at Sash for choosing the other alliance, so he won't. Naonka votes and tells the camera "it's been a pleasure." Alina votes for Chase, gushing over how impressive he was tonight. Dan votes for Jud, saying "come on, Fabio. Come on. I want you to do that for your mom." Is that the first time Dan has spoken while voting? Usually he just holds the vote up and then puts it in the urn without saying anything. Brenda, who I was sure was going to vote for Sash, votes for Chase even though she had no respect for his game or his intelligence. Weird. So I guess Chase got two votes, Jud got seven, and Sash didn't get any. And I'm surprised Chase got as many as he did.
Probst grabs the urn and leaves with it. He does not jet-ski or sky-dive his way back to America and I still miss that segment. Sigh. Cut to the live show, and look who cut his hair!! Jud looks awesome right now. Actually all three guys look great - Sash especially needed to put that weight back on. Anyway, Hot Jud is in a great mood right now because he's about to get his million dollar check. And there's Coach/Douche in the audience! I'm surprised he'd show his face knowing that the great Coach Jimmy Johnson was around, not to mention the Also Great Swim Coach Holly. But he has no shame, so there you go. Probst basks in the audience's love for a minute, then says that the Final Three in the old vs. young season are young, so that "says a lot." Meanwhile, we've got "old" people like Holly, Dan, and Jane in the top six, so, whatever. Also, Jud looks really hot. Even with the too-long bangs.
Probst finally gets to the votes. Jud gets the first. Chase gets the second. Jud gets another vote. Chase gets a second vote, too. And then Jud gets all the rest, right? Actually ... not so much. Much to everyone (including Chase's) surprise, Chase gets a third vote. And then a fourth! Jud is starting to worry that he may not get a million dollars after all. Ah, but then Jud gets a third vote, this one containing a picture of a volcano and "420" double-underlined on it. Okay, I want to know who cast that vote. Was it Ben? But it looks like a girl's handwriting. Whoever it is, he or she is looking forward to smoking some of Jud's winnings with him. Although I have a feeling Jud got that party started early. He is about to win a million dollars on live TV while high as a kite. There's a fourth vote for Jud, who is very much looking forward to and expecting this win. And with good reason, because the ninth and final vote is for him. He does a cute little dance and goes in for a group hug with a bunch of people who didn't vote for him and some who did. And there's his family in the audience. He runs down to give them all hugs. Aw. Jud probably wasn't the "best" player this season or even in the Final Three, but I'm okay with his winning because I wasn't a big fan of Chase or Sash anyway. And ultimately, this wasn't much of a season so it deserves to have not much of a winner. Ah, but there's Jimmy Johnson running onto the stage, so I guess that means the Reunion show is starting! See you there ...
You can read more from Sara Morrison at L.A.me, which she never updates, follow her on Twitter, or email her at saramorrison@gmail.com.