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Colby decides to actually perform in challenges and helps the Heroes to not one, but TWO victories. The Heroes love each other and think they're a tight group and everyone's so happy that no one will even bother to look for the hidden immunity idol. BORING! Fortunately, things are quite tumultuous on the Villains' side, as Rob worries that someone in his alliance defected and got Tyson voted out. No one did then, but Jerri's seriously considering doing so now as Li'l Russell and his alliance make their pitch to her. She's played this game with Rob in the past and never even seen Li'l Russell play on TV, so the only thing she knows is that Rob couldn't be trusted six years ago. Rob knows it too, and tells Jerri there won't be any hard feelings if she votes with Li'l Russell's alliance. Jerri can't possibly think that she has a better shot in the game switching to Li'l Russell's alliance, and yet, that's exactly what she does, voting with the three of them against Rob. The other swing vote, Douche, ends up chickening out and casting a throwaway vote for Courtney, which seems to lose the respect he so desperately desires from Li'l Russell and especially Rob, who tells him he's a "little man" on his way out. So there will probably be some more crying from Douche week.
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Want more? The full recap starts right below!It's a new day at the Villains' camp. Rob admits in an interview that last night's Tribal Council marked the first time he's been surprised after three seasons of playing this game. He has no idea what happened and says "something doesn't feel right." I agree! Nothing about this show has felt "right" since Li'l Russell essentially took it over last season. At camp, Rob talks to Sandra, Courtney, and Jerri, wondering what could have caused Tyson to switch his vote. I'm sure the producers, who think all we at home want to see is Li'l Russell dominating the game, had nothing to do with that shocking outcome. Courtney says Tyson must have "freaked out." She then runs to an interview and proceeds to be awesome, saying that Li'l Russell has a "little boy crush" on Parvati because "he's like a bandy-legged little troll who scampers around with his tooth missing, goes in and out of the bushes and never washes and [Parvati] pays attention to him and she has no problem flirting with clearly ANYTHING that walks." AHAHAHAHAHA! Not only did Courtney rip on Li'l Russell and Parvati, but she also got in a shot at paraplegics, too! I appreciate the editors sticking in a shot of Li'l Russell looking particularly trolly, although that probably wasn't too hard for them to find. Parvati prances up to Li'l Russell, calls him her hero, and gives him a hug. Danielle is much more chill about it, muttering "that was awesome last night." Li'l Russell announces that the part of his plan is to get Jerri on their side. Parvati's face says it all about her feelings on Jerri. I've seen people look less disgusted at a gross food challenge. Li'l Russell says it's up to Parvati and Danielle to convince Jerri to join them, which means it's actually just up to Parvati, since Danielle doesn't speak.
Meanwhile, Rob and his alliance are lying around in the nearby shelter. They hear Parvati and Danielle giggling in the distance, and Rob says he doesn't understand how they can be so confident when, despite what happened last night, there are still only three of them against five. Rob interviews that he's not an idiot, and so he knows something must be up if a minority alliance can be that cocky. He thinks something else is going on. We're supposed to think he's talking about secret defectors, but I'd prefer to think he's actually talking directly to the producers and asking them why Li'l Russell seems to get so lucky every single time, almost as if someone wants him to do really well so they can then edit the entire season around him. Again.
Jerri wanders over to Li'l Russell, Danielle, and Parvati. Uh oh. They complain about lack of sleep for a while, then Li'l Russell asks if Rob has started "ranting and raving" yet because he needs to think that something he did (sort of ... Tyson's ouster was more about Tyson doing something stupid than Li'l Russell doing something smart) had some sort of impact on Rob. No doubt he's disappointed when Jerri says Rob isn't doing any ranting or raving, as everyone is either asleep or depressed. Li'l Russell points out that he is not depressed, and then the persuasion game begins, with Danielle extolling the virtues of a "tight alliance with four people -- five people," which, by the way, Jerri already has. Danielle continues that the key is for everyone in the alliance to stick together. Wait, what? I think Danielle is accidentally making an argument for why Jerri shouldn't join their alliance. Li'l Russell interviews that Jerri probably has a lot of respect for him because he supposedly "put [his] butt on the line" for his ally. He then decides that Jerri and Parvati have been brought together despite their mutual hatred because of him, because he's just that amazing. Dude, it's just Jerri and Parvati. Come to me when you bring together Palestine and Israel. Oh, but then Jerri says that she's not sure if she's comfortable joining forces with Parvati, saying she's nervous about her and always has been. Parvati says there's nothing she can do or say to convince Jerri that she won't team up with the Heroes come the merge. Jerri decides that her difficulty trusting Parvati goes deeper, and starts wondering if she has a fear of commitment that's caused her to be single for the last three years. Yes, that could be it. Or maybe you're really unpleasant in real life and super-high-maintenance? Because that's another reason why people are single. Myself included! Parvati interviews that Jerri is even more "non-committal" than she is, summing Jerri's issues as "people have hurt my feelings in the past and I've just not gotten over that. For thirty-eight years." Ouch, not only did Parvati laugh at Jerri's trust issues, but she also got a dig in about Jerri's age. She calls Jerri "crazypants" and says right now, each alliance has three members and Jerri and Douche are the swing votes. And when Douche's whims are controlling your game, that is a very bad thing. Let's not forget: he thinks native Amazon Indians want to eat his asshole. Parvati promises Jerri the Final Four. Jerri thinks about it, but doesn't make a decision. That fact that she's even considering it, though, tells Parvati that Jerri is more likely to cross over to her side. Well, that and the fact that Parvati has decided that Jerri is jealous of what Li'l Russell "did" for her at Tribal Council and wants a man to do that for her, too. So Jerri's reason for wanting to switch to the other alliance is because she hopes that a man will rescue her? Really, Parvati? Don't you think better of our gender than that?
Let's see if there's anything fun going on at Camp Heroes, shall we? Rupert mutters something about feeling bad about voting James out, then says "if we ever needed somebody to step up, we need Colby to step up today." Oh really? Hey, you know who else could step up, Rupert? YOU. You really aren't much better at these challenges than Colby is. Unless they involve slamming a woman's face into a pole, in which case you excel. Colby interviews that he has now survived three Tribal Councils where he thought he was going to go home. As he walks out of the shelter, Rupert mutters to him that he has "something to prove," as if Rupert has proven anything himself in this game so far. Colby is so serious about showing his tribe what he can do that he refers to himself in the third person in an interview, saying "it's put up or shut up time for Colby." Well, I'll know he's super-serious when he starts calling himself "The Colbster."
Reward challenge! This one is recycled from Season 18 yet again. Isn't that like the third or fourth one from that season? Surely there are other seasons they can pick from? Anyway, the reward is lunch at an "outdoor waterfall," as Probst describes it so people don't confuse it with one of those indoor waterfalls that are so frequently featured on this show. The Villains have to sit three women out. Two of them will be Sandra and Courtney, as usual, and the third is Parvati. Probst is thrilled to announce that the first round will be three men vs. three men, which means it's J.T., Rupert, and Colby against Rob, Li'l Russell, and Douche. Rupert gets the ball first and easily makes his way towards the baskets. His shot is terrible, but J.T. manages to dive onto the rebound and pass it to Colby, who shoots and ... misses. Meanwhile, Rupert basically stops playing the game entirely in favor of physically attacking Li'l Russell and Rob. That takes them out of the action, and Colby is able to take a second shot. Which he also misses. Li'l Russell breaks free of Rupert and puts J.T. in a hold, rendering him useless, and Rob is able to throw the ball away, and Douche picks it up. He has an easy shot at the basket with no one around, but comes up way short. Embarrassingly so. Clearly, basketball, like so many things, isn't Douche's sport. He gets a chance to shoot again, but again misses. He will not get a third chance, as he and Colby get in a slap-fight and Colby gets the ball. This time, he makes the shot. And he beat Douche, too, so now he can feel redeemed after Douche beat him in that first challenge. Except not really, since 1) Douche beat him in the first place and that should never happen, and 2) Colby also beat Douche in a slap-fight, which is for girls.
The second round is Candice, Amanda, and Colby against Danielle, Jerri, and Douche. Amanda gets to the ball first and throws it to Colby, and Probst is absolutely delighted to see Colby and Douche wrestle each other again. Colby breaks free of Douche easily, but misses the shot at the basket. Douche manages to get the rebound, only to be taken down by Candice. That should tell you how easy it is to beat Douche. Courtney doesn't understand what Douche's problem is, loudly calling out, "Douche, it's a chick! Come on!" Meanwhile, Courtney was one of the first people to raise her hand when asked who would be sitting out of this challenge. Douche manages to get the ball to Jerri, but Colby easily rips it out of her arms and tosses it to Candice, who just misses the shot. Douche gets the rebound again, but his long shot is an airball. Like, I'm pretty sure that I would be better at shooting baskets than Douche at this point. With a blindfold on. And now arms. The ball lands out in the open, and Jerri makes a move for it, only to be roughly taken down by Colby, who, like Rupert, clearly has no problem being physical with women. At least he didn't launch her into a pole face-first like Rupert did, though. Colby decides to pass the ball to Amanda, who's open since Danielle's version of guarding her consists of tripping over her own feet and falling into the water, but she hesitates too long and is unable to get off a shot without Danielle jumping all over her, so she passes it off to Candice instead. Candice's shot makes it in.
Round three is another all-men round, much to Probst's delight. He throws the ball out, and J.T. gets to it way before anyone else. While Rob tries to chase him across the field, Rupert and Li'l Russell forget all about the contest and just start attacking each other. While Li'l Russell is just trying to keep Rupert from being able to stand up, Rupert is actively attacking Li'l Russell. As much as I hate Li'l Russell, when it comes to challenges, I don't think I've ever seen him play dirty. J.T. pretends to take a shot, fakes out Douche, and passes to Colby, who has a wide-open shot. He makes it in and wins the game. The Heroes cheer and Probst pronounces them the winners. Ten minutes later, Rupert and Li'l Russell are still going at it. This is the second time we've seen Rupert attack someone on the other team after the game ends. At least it's not a woman this time. Candice jumps into Colby's arms in celebration, and he takes the opportunity to totally grab her ass. Probst dismisses the Villains, then tells the Heroes it's been a while since they've won something. "YESSSSS!" Rupert screams, spit flying out of his mouth. Did he even do anything to help the Heroes win? Of course, Colby gets the victory speech during the slow-mo walk, saying this was a personal victory for him because he showed his tribe that he can be a physical force. Meanwhile, it's really not that much of a win for the Heroes since this was basically a physical game, and they've won every challenge that was based purely on physical strength where the reward wasn't chocolate. The true test will be a puzzle challenge.
The Heroes celebrate their victory with a picnic. They toast to how awesome they think they are but before they can dig in, Candice finds a small scroll on the table and stupidly says "what's this?" out loud. Duh, Candice. What do you think it is? You don't deserve a hidden immunity idol if you're going to call it out like that. Even after she unrolls it in front of everyone, they all ignore her until she announces that she has a clue to another immunity idol. The Heroes act like they're SHOCKED that this could happen and agree as a group to eat now and look at the clue later. Rupert complains in an interview about how everyone was having fun and their heads were out of the game until the immunity idol clue came into play. Well, I'm sorry you signed up to play Survivor and not Fun Picnic Hour, Rupert. Amanda eats two bites before she can't resist and grabs for the clue. Her tribe orders her to read it out loud, which is a good move on their part because if Rupert tries to read it, they'll be there for like three days. The clue tells them to dig around a tree near a bridge. J.T. decides that they should team up to find the idol so they can play it as a tribe when they merge with the Villains. That's a great idea, except that there's no guarantee (far from it, actually) that they'll win every immunity challenge before the merge. But since J.T. probably doesn't need the idol like Candice or Colby, he's smart to try to keep it under his control so it can't be used against him or his alliance. Colby doesn't see this, however, and interviews that it's really cool how his tribe is going to use the idol as a group.
Over at the Villains camp, Douche looks solemn as Jerri talks to Li'l Russell about what her choices are in the game at this point. He stands around awkwardly until they call him over, thinking he's being all slick about listening in on their conversation without them realizing it, and Li'l Russell swears that he wants to take Jerri and Li'l Russell to the Final Three, from the bottom of his heart and everything! So genuine. With his typical complete lack of self-awareness, Douche interviews about how some people on his tribe are really gullible and will believe anything Li'l Russell tells them. He thinks Jerri is one of those people. Jerri tells him that she has "made [her] decision" and hopes that Douche will agree with it because she won't feel comfortable going over to Li'l Russell's side without him. Um, shouldn't she be having this conversation where Li'l Russell can't hear her? Does she really think it's a good idea for a possible future ally to know that she doesn't fully trust him, and probably never will over Douche? If he actually did want to take her to the Final Three before, I can't imagine that he feels the same way now. Douche interviews that he doesn't know what to do, since he's "honor-bound" to play this game with Jerri and Rob, but now Jerri wants to switch to Li'l Russell's side so he'll have to break his alliance with one of them. He blames Jerri for causing this and not himself for making stupid promises to people that he can't keep.
Li'l Russell scampers away, and Jerri tells Douche that she was indeed impressed with Li'l Russell's move last night, which she believes took "huge balls." I'd rather not think about Li'l Russell's balls, please. She never fully trusted Rob after the stuff he pulled when they were on Season 8 together, and she hasn't had the advantage of watching Li'l Russell's season so she thinks he must be more trustworthy based on the loyalty he showed by giving the idol to Parvati. Douche reminds Jerri that Rob was a different person six years ago and so far, this season, he's been true to his word. But Douche doesn't want to talk about game stuff anymore because there's a more pressing issue of his hurt feelings to address. Cue the hilariously sad piano music as Douche says that Jerri made the decision to side with Li'l Russell without asking Douche first, and he feels like she trusts Douche and Li'l Russell equally and that's not fair because Douche saw her first. Jerri stammers out a non-answer to that because she has no idea how to be reassuring and sympathetic to others. She interviews that Douche is "so naïve" and doesn't seem to understand that people are playing this game to win the million dollars, not the title of most honorable. Which Douche wouldn't even win anyway. "You can't be the good guy to everyone and win this game," she says.
Immunity challenge! Probst calls the tribes in and explains the challenge. This time, we're recycling from all the way back to Season 3, except this time they're grabbing for bags of puzzle pieces. Two members of the tribe will use the pieces to complete a puzzle, and the first tribe to do so wins immunity. This will be the true test of whether or not the Heroes are any match for the Villains. They choose to sit out Jerri, Danielle, and Li'l Russell, the latter of which is a smart move on their part since he's so short that he probably won't be able to reach any of the puzzle bags, and as smart as he likes to tell us he is, I don't think we've ever seen him excel when it comes to puzzles. The Heroes ultimately decide to put J.T. and Amanda on puzzle-solving duty, which means Rupert and his broken toe will have to do some running. He's probably less of a liability to them as a runner than a puzzle-solver, though, so this is a good decision. Rob and Sandra will complete the puzzle for the Villains.
Rupert and Parvati go first for their tribes. Both struggle running across the horizontal net, with Rupert stumbling on his way back with a bag. Probst yells that he's probably having a hard time because of his broken toe, as if that's the only thing preventing Rupert from rocking this challenge out. Parvati gets back just before Rupert, who will no doubt take his anger at being beaten in a physical contest by a woman out on Jerri as soon as he gets the chance, and then Courtney and Candice go. Courtney struggles a bit, since she's so thin that she's in danger of falling through the holes in the netting, but is able to keep the Villains' slight lead. Douche and Colby go , and it is uneventful. Parvati and Rupert go again, with Parvati in the lead. She grabs another bag, this time from much higher up on the rope ladder, and Probst decides to announce that she landed "on her booty" when she jumps off the rope and into the netting. As for Rupert, he nearly breaks the netting when he cannonballs into it. Fortunately, he doesn't land ass-first so we don't have to hear another booty mention from Probst.
Courtney and Candice have their second turn. Courtney falls on the netting again, while Candice is able to keep herself upright, thus catching up to Courtney. She takes the lead when she grabs her bag and jumps down to the netting while Courtney hesitates, rather smartly not trusting the jokers who put these challenges together to make sure the netting is completely safe and she won't plummet to her death. Courtney finally summons up the courage to jump, only to land on the net with her knees locked so that she kind of folds into herself and smacks her face on her knees. "FALL FLAT!" Probst scolds her, with an unsympathetic head-shake. Colby passes by a still-struggling Courtney on his way to grab the Heroes' last bag. He returns with it and J.T. and Amanda start work on the puzzle before Douche even touches the Villains' final bag.
The Heroes have had head-starts on puzzles before, though, and the Villains have always come from behind to beat them soundly. But J.T. and Amanda's strategy of placing the word pieces together works well for them, and soon all they have to do is put the remaining pieces around them. Rob and Sandra, meanwhile, look totally lost. They aren't even close by the time J.T. and Amanda are done. "We got whooped," Li'l Russell whines from his vantage point of the bench. The Heroes celebrate their victory and the Villains are sent home in defeat. Douche interviews that Courtney was lagging behind in the challenge and should be the person to go. No! I don't care how much she sucks at challenges -- she's hilarious and hates everyone and thus should stay as long as possible.
Suddenly, it's Day 18 when the Villains return to camp. I have no idea what happened to Day 17. I'll bet Danielle did a ton of stuff during it, though. Li'l Russell happily interviews that Rob, Courtney, and Sandra let the tribe down in the challenge, as we get a shot of Sandra totally face-planting while trying to run along the beach. That's embarrassing, but it's not like Sandra's lack of agility was why the Villains lost. In fact, if she had fallen face-first into the puzzle she probably would have done a better job. "It was one of the most pitiful performances I have ever seen," Li'l Russell concludes, apparently forgetting about every single challenge his tribe last season competed in. Rob and Li'l Russell find themselves sitting to each other on the beach, and Rob asks Li'l Russell who he's thinking of voting for tonight. Li'l Russell says he wants to get rid of one of the weaker players. Rob asks for a name. "One of these," Li'l Russell says, nodding his head towards some people who must be off in the distance. But no! We then cut to a shot of Sandra and Courtney sitting right in front of him! Nice, editors. "Who?" Rob asks, not sure if he heard Li'l Russell right. "Right here," Li'l Russell says, pointing at them. Sandra, by the way, just shot Li'l Russell the most deadly of all glares. Li'l Russell is lucky he hid that machete, because she'd be using it to chop off his rumored huge balls (I just grossed myself out) if she had it. Courtney's demeanor didn't change. She doesn't care what Li'l Russell says. Rob is at a loss for words at this point, finally coming up with "that's not a way to gather friends." He's laughing as he says this, but his point is a good one: Li'l Russell still doesn't know how miserably he failed last season when it came down to jury votes, and just how important friend-gathering skills would be. Courtney musters up the energy to roll her eyes. "How do you two feel about that?" Rob asks Sandra and Courtney, still laughing in disbelief. "I don't like it," Sandra says. "Oh, no, I think he's right," Courtney scoffs. "What sort of logic is that, Russell?" Rob asks; "that's a new one." Sandra and Courtney are clearly intimidated by Li'l Russell's power play, as they are now braiding each other's hair and looking entirely unconcerned. "You'd be amazed how good that approach works," Li'l Russell says. Really? Because I don't think I recall Li'l Russell doing that during the Samoa season. I do, however, remember a bunch of people refusing to vote for him to win the million dollars because the way he treated them turned them off so much. Courtney cuts through the bullshit and says that even if Rob is going to vote for Sandra or Courtney, he wouldn't say it in front of them and Sandra and Courtney aren't going to vote for themselves, so there's really nothing more to say here. And yet, that doesn't stop Li'l Russell from interviewing that Rob is after him and he is after Rob. "May the best man win," he says. I love how Li'l Russell has this whole super rivalry thing cooked up in his head that Rob has yet to acknowledge and probably still doesn't care about.
Rob has a talk with Douche, who says he's thinking of voting for either Parvati or Courtney tonight. Has Douche ever not wanted to vote for a woman? Of course, Rob doesn't want Courtney to go, even after Douche makes his case for getting rid of her, saying she's the weakest player on the team and she, along with Sandra, have to sit out of every challenge. Rob asks Douche how he's being loyal right now by rallying to get rid of one of their allies, then asks if Parvati is more of a threat to them than Li'l Russell. So it only took seven episodes, but Rob is finally sort of thinking that Li'l Russell might be a threat. He says Li'l Russell is dangerous and can't be trusted, then asks Douche how Jerri is feeling about everything. "I haven't talk to her. I talk to you first cause you're my right-hand man," Douche says. By the way, that's a lie. He totally talked to Jerri about switching alliances. Most of that was crying over his hurt feelings, but still. "I'm telling you right now, as sure as anything, I want to be standing with you on the last day," Douche says. Rob assures him that this will happen, but could not possibly sound less enthused about it. Douche agrees to vote for Li'l Russell and shakes Rob's hand on it to seal the deal. "Get that little bastard outta here," Douche says, trying for all the world to sound cool for his hero. Rob interviews that he's using the reputation for being loyal that Douche holds dear (even though he doesn't actually have it) to force Douche to vote the way Rob wants. He says that if Douche wants everyone to think he's loyal and trustworthy and basically above everyone in this game, then he'll have to do what he promised.
Cut to Douche sitting on the beach with Jerri, Li'l Russell, and Danielle. Li'l Russell wants to get rid of Courtney and then Sandra, which Douche finds admirable since it means that Li'l Russell is targeting the weakest players in the tribe and not Rob. Douche does not seem to understand that Li'l Russell is targeting Courtney and Sandra because they're in Rob's alliance, not because they're weak. If Courtney and Sandra were in Li'l Russell's alliance and Parvati and Danielle were in Rob's, he'd be rallying to get rid of them instead. Doesn't Douche remember how Li'l Russell's alliance targeted Tyson at the last Tribal Council? They had the perfect opportunity to take out one of the "weaker" players then, but didn't. So obviously all this talk about trying to "keep the team strong" is bullshit and everyone knows it. Everyone except Douche. Someone suggests "blindsiding" Rob instead, which makes Douche very uncomfortable. Li'l Russell acts like this is an entirely new idea to him and appeals to Douche's ego by saying that if they did get rid of Rob, they wouldn't suffer in challenges because they still have the combined strength of Douche and Li'l Russell. "I'm ready to get rid of that fool," Li'l Russell says. Douche continues to waffle, saying he doesn't "feel right" about it. Danielle, meanwhile, decides to finally speak up and it turns out that she's really annoying and kind of a nag. Even so, when Li'l Russell asks for Douche's word, he gives it.
And now that Douche has effectively given himself no choice but to break his word to Rob or Li'l Russell, he gets all sad and whiny, saying that he doesn't want to win this game "at all costs." Seemingly on the verge of tears, he says that he doesn't want Rob to go home and doesn't think he deserves to go home, either. But now he has to vote for him because he promised Li'l Russell he would and I guess he forgot about how he promised Rob he would vote for Li'l Russell? He blames Jerri for being "gullible" and willing to go along with whatever Li'l Russell says while at the same time saying that he made that promise to Li'l Russell because he "crammed it down our throats," which sounds to me like he's saying that he was willing to go along with whatever Li'l Russell said. Anyway, Douche is very conflicted. And I'm sorry, but when your future in the game hinges on Douche, then you're not all that great of a player after all, Rob and Li'l Russell.
Rob talks to Jerri. He seems pretty sure that she's switching allegiances and that her new alliance is gunning for him. I'm not sure if he's being sincere or trying to win her over by telling her that no matter what she does, it's okay because this is a game and she's just trying to further herself in it, as is everyone else. "Do what you think is best for you. I don't even see it as that much of a choice," he says, although we aren't told which choice he's referring to. Jerri says that as much as she wants to trust Rob, she can't. Rob says she can in this instance because he's out of options. That doesn't mean she can trust him if and when he's back in a power position, though. Also, how the hell did this happen? How did Li'l Russell go from an alliance of two (plus one invisible person) to this? "You're smart, Jerri. You figure it out. You know what to do," Rob says. If he's trying to make a case for himself here, that was kind of weak. He doesn't even sound like he cares anymore. Is he that resigned to losing, that sure of winning, or did he just figure that no matter what happens, the producers will find a way to get Li'l Russell through? Jerri and Douche talk in the tent. "I feel like I've aged five years in one day," Jerri sighs. Don't set me up like that, Jerri. Come on. Douche says that he doesn't want to lose Rob and the tribe needs him for challenges. "I'm not a good villain," Jerri sighs. Ugh, remember when she used to embrace her evil side? Like last week? I don't like this new Jerri.
The Villains arrive at Tribal Council. Probst greets them by saying that they've been "destroyed" by the Heroes' strong group of five. Uh, no, Probst. They lost two challenges in a row. That's not exactly destroyed. Yet. He asks Sandra what tonight's vote will be like now that the Villains have to worry about remaining strong against the Heroes. Basically, he's telling everyone that they should vote out a weak woman and not a strong guy. Probst and Douche have very similar thought processes. Sandra says she has no idea what's going to happen tonight, as she's heard a lot of names at camp. Probst asks Douche if his tribe is in trouble with all of this turmoil, and Douche rambles on about mornings and hope springing eternal before saying that Tyson's absence left a big hole in the tribe. Yes, Douche, and whose fault is it that Tyson is gone? Li'l Russell's! And yet, you promised to ally with him. Why? It makes no sense. Douche says that Tyson was part of the glue that held his and Jerri's alliance with Rob, Courtney, and Sandra together. Li'l Russell starts to speak up to disagree, but Danielle interrupts him to say that she, too, disagrees. Shut up, Danielle. Turn your microphone off again, okay? Li'l Russell says that Tyson's ouster actually made a certain group even stronger. Probst says that the fact that they're disagreeing with Douche kind of indicates that there are divisions within the tribe. Danielle makes a comment about people being allowed to disagree that Probst and I totally ignore.
Probst talks to Rob, saying that his tribe's last Tribal Council was "one of the craziest [Probst has] ever seen" in his twenty seasons of this show. That can't possibly be true, but Probst loves to stroke Li'l Russell's ego, so there it is. Rob says losing Tyson was a "big mistake" and ultimately hurt the tribe. Li'l Russell speaks up and says that he made "the best move that was possible" for his alliance. "And it was my decision," he says. Does he really have to point that out? Surely he knows by now that the Survivor editors will make that abundantly clear. Or I guess not, since his season didn't air before this one began shooting. Parvati says that the move hurt a lot of people's feelings to the point where they're sucking in challenges. Now Douche gets all offended at the implication that he isn't giving his all in challenges, then says that everyone is too paranoid about alliances. Maybe Douche should have gone on Fun Picnic Hour with Rupert instead of this show. Rob says that some people are voting to keep their alliances strong instead of to benefit the entire tribe. As if Rob isn't doing that too, as Li'l Russell immediately points out, saying that Rob didn't vote for Li'l Russell last time in the interests of keeping the team strong. Rob says he did, which could be true in that Li'l Russell really doesn't help his tribe out much in challenges and he's a troublemaker who's tearing the tribe apart. Li'l Russell quotes Rob, saying "if you aren't with me, you're against me." "And you are against me," Rob says; "it's clear." Basically, Li'l Russell is the one who set himself up against Rob from the start. He was never important enough to Rob to bother fighting against, not even now, really. Rob has been on Li'l Russell's radar this entire game. I don't think Li'l Russell has been on Rob's.
Rob says that his idea "of trust -- AND LOYALTY -- (HINT HINT DOUCHE) is different from Russell's." "Loyalty? I put my butt on the liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine for my people," Li'l Russell says. "I saw what you did," Rob says. Yes, exactly. Li'l Russell didn't do that for Parvati's sake -- he did it for his own. Just like Rob has done plenty of shitty things to his tribemates to further himself in the game. I'm not sure what they're fighting over here. "I don't think you have the guts to do what I did last Tribal," Li'l Russell says. He's probably right about that, although I'm not convinced that it has to do with a lack of guts or a presence of brains. Rob doesn't deny it, just shrugs and says that Li'l Russell is entitled to his opinion. Way to make it look like Rob backed down in the face of a superior opponent, editors. Also, what happened to Rob saying that Li'l Russell was like a suicide bomber? We saw it in the previews, but it's not in the actual episode. I feel like I've been lied to. "If you're gunnin' for me, you're not gonna get what you want. Not from me. You're gonna have to go," Li'l Russell says, as Jerri buries her face in her hands and Rob just laughs. Probst asks Douche where he is with all of this, which gives Douche the chance to talk about how they're two soldiers fighting for different sides and he's begging them both to "reconsider and keep this tribe strong." He says they can't win challenges if their "best competitors" are against each other. "At some point, you pick someone to trust and you go with that. And that's all there is to do. And I did that," Rob says, looking Douche in the eyes. Probst reminds everyone that Jerri's name has yet to come up and asks her how it feels to be stuck in between Rob and Li'l Russell, both figuratively and literally. Jerri says both alliances have come to her with good reasons to side with them and she just hopes her decision is the right one. With that, they vote.
We don't see how Sandra or Courtney vote, nor do we get to hear the personal insults that no doubt accompanied it. Shame. Rob votes for Li'l Russell, saying it's either him or Rob tonight. We don't see the name Jerri writes down, but she says she's making a choice that she hopes will be right for her in the end. Well, duh, Jerri. None of us thought you were going to cast a vote that would screw you over. Probst returns with the urn. I want Li'l Russell to be voted out so very much but I don't see how it's possible. The best I can hope for is a 4-4 tie, which means that I have to hope that Douche will make the right decision and get rid of Li'l Russell so everyone else can get some cameratime. And that means that he won't. Sigh. We're tied with three votes for Rob and three votes for Li'l Russell. Now it's time to see how Jerri and Douche voted. The fifth vote is for Courtney, which confuses Li'l Russell until he realizes that the vote must have been cast by Douche, because if Jerri was going to go insane and vote for someone besides Rob and Li'l Russell she probably would have voted for Parvati. The last vote is for Rob. It's accompanied by a sad face, but that doesn't make up for it. BOOOO, Jerri! BOOOOO! You are an idiot for this! The explanation I can think of is that she wanted to make sure that she was in the majority alliance post-merge and was afraid that Parvati and her alliance would team up with Amanda and uh ... well, that's it, really. Everyone else from Season 16 alliance is gone. But she's probably correct in figuring that the Heroes would be more likely to go with Li'l Russell than with Rob. Jerri gives Rob a big hug as he stands up, and Douche runs over to do the same, only to get shut down hard core. "You're a little man," Rob says, and walks away from him. OUCH. If Douche hadn't just helped Li'l Russell stay in this game for at least another week, I would feel sorry for him. He is going to cry an ocean of tears when they get back to camp about this, and he won't have Tyson or Rob to comfort him. Meanwhile, I love how he spent the entire episode talking about how important honor and trust and loyalty were to him, then ended up breaking his promises to both Rob AND Li'l Russell by voting for Courtney. That wasn't a vote to keep the tribe strong, as he claimed, but a way to get rid of Rob without actually having to write his name down. I think he was hoping that move would enable to stay BFFs with Rob, but instead it lost whatever respect Rob had for him in the first place. Rob's torch is extinguished as Jerri watches with the corners of her mouth turned down just like Lill used to do in Season 7 and Beaker used to do on The Muppet Show. Of course, Probst is thrilled to bits that Li'l Russell has made yet another "bold move," even though it violated Probst's No. 1 rule of good Survivor play by getting rid of the tribe's strongest man.
To his credit, Rob is a good sport in his final words, saying he knew this was coming and he was playing with smart people. Except for Douche, who he hoped would be true to his word but knew, in the end, wouldn't be. He laughs and says that he did so much for his tribe, only to get voted out. Ah, well. The good news is that Sandra will surely be on a rampage week.
You can read more from Sara Morrison at L.A.me, follow her on Twitter, or you can email her at saramorrison@gmail.com.