In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.
After Brendan's boot, Sierra figures she'll be the to go unless she can convince her tribe to trust her again. Unfortunately, she goes about this by whining and crying a lot as opposed to presenting a good argument as to why a skinny little model no one seems to like might be better to take to the end than, say, Tyson. Tyson, Debbie, Erinn, and J.T. win a reward challenge trip to a Twokantees village for a food and martial arts dancing that puts Douche's warrior poses to shame, while Stephen is sent to Exile to find no new idols and Sierra doesn't manage to make any progress with Taj or Douche alone at camp. She'll have to win the immunity challenge, which is a game of Survivor shuffleboard with a slight twist -- anyone who thinks he's so safe that he doesn't need immunity can sit out the challenge and eat nasty-looking pizza. J.T., Stephen, and Douche choose this option, because Douche is a mighty warrior who aligns himself with mighty warriors, and sometimes mighty warriors step down from a battle because they want pizza, okay? Everyone else chooses to play, and just when it looks like Sierra might pull off the win, Debbie manages to take the win from her and get immunity. Tyson is so happy that Sierra will be going home tonight that he doesn't stop to consider the fact that he's got a huge target on his own back. Erinn, however, does. She goes to Taj and Stephen to see if they'd be interested in voting Tyson out tonight. They are. Stephen goes to J.T., but he isn't quite so thrilled about the idea. At Tribal Council, Tyson is just as much of a jerk to Sierra as he was all episode, so it's more than awesome to see the smug smile on his face disappear when the votes are read and he gets the majority of them.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Forza returns home under another gigantic moon. Tyson asks the group how "awesome" it was that Brendan just got voted out. "Awesome!" Erinn agrees, and I don't like her anymore. I don't care for people who rub things in, unless those people are masseuses and they're working on me. Sierra does not think it's so awesome, to which Tyson says she has to admit his alliance was "pretty badass." Sierra sadly says that since she's obviously the person to go home, she'd appreciate it if the three days could be "congenial." Her definition of congenial, we'll soon find out, is actually "pathetic." She interviews that everything is horrible and she's tired. Which is understandable, although I think Sierra is forgetting that she was just ready, willing, and able to make the members of Douche's alliance feel the same way. Annoyingly, she asks Douche if they can have a private conversation. He graciously agrees to this. Sierra interviews that "it was a very hard choice" to vote for Douche, and if she keeps saying things like that then I won't be sorry to see her go at the end of this episode one bit. Sierra tells Douche that she honestly didn't want to write his name down, and he says that all of her decisions in this game have been bad, and she "could have written down anybody else's name in this game that doesn't have the character like I have. Everybody out here has lied except for me." The first part of that quotation was true -- no one has the kind of character that Douche has, and it's a better world for it. The second part is, of course, false. Not counting all the lies Douche has told his fellow tribe members about who he was voting for, there was that one story about an Amazonian tribe of anus-eaters. Douche then interviews, of course, that Sierra was trying to rationalize and justify her vote for him, which is what people do when they make poor decisions. He guesses, since he's never made a poor decision himself. "In love and war, it's kill or be killed," Douche tells Sierra, who gets a perfect "right -- wait, what did he just say? That didn't make sense" look on her face. Douche tells Sierra that she "deserves" to go , and I hope more than anything that she somehow wins immunity today.
After the credits, we get another montage of Douche's stupid made-up morning warrior pose ritual, this time from the vantage point of a helicopter. Yes, that's right. The crew got the helicopter out to take shots of Douche warrior posing. Just keep feeding that ego, guys. Douche interviews that during this particular meditation he was celebrating his victory over Brendan, because meditation is totally meant for gloating. He then admits that Brendan is younger and faster than him, although he can't quite admit that Brendan is stronger, since Douche claims that he can bench 300 pounds and when he told Brendan that, Brendan said, "really?" because Brendan obviously knew Douche was full of shit. The best part about all this is that Douche is saying that Brendan is physically stronger than he is and so proud to have outlasted him in this game while at the same time you know he also still somehow thinks that he stayed true to his original strategy to keep the strong players in and vote the weak players out. The second best part of this is imagining Douche bench pressing a barbell-shaped balloon with "150 pounds" written on either end while everyone else in the gym just stares at him. Douche is very happy to have defeated a "worthy opponent" such as Brendan, except that Brendan's physical strength meant absolutely nothing and it was his inability to play this game that did him in, therefore not making him much of a worthy opponent at all. I mean, I liked Brendan okay, but he blew a perfect alliance that I was really looking forward to seeing in action by forgetting to talk to them. Idiot. Douche talks about dragons again before letting out a stupid scream that we're supposed to think is hardcore and saying the battle has been won. But everybody knows that it doesn't matter who wins the battle -- it's all about who wins the war. And in love and war, it's kill or be killed into the seven layers of Samurai code. Chong ran.
While Douche is off by himself doing stupid poses, Sierra is trying her hardest to make something happen for her, this time appealing to J.T. J.T., who just screwed her over by promising to vote for Douche and taking out her one ally instead. J.T. interviews that Brendan had no idea he was going home last night, and that it was him and Stephen who basically decided who went home. Way to forget about Taj, J.T. Although I guess that's easy to do since all she does these days is sit around saying she'll vote for whoever everyone else wants. J.T. says he's happy to be in a stupid "warrior alliance", and he's perfectly fine with Sierra being voted out .
Sierra, meanwhile, goes to Debbie, and tries to say that she never "made any choices" in her alliance with Brendan and "just followed along." How does that really make her look better to anyone? Debbie says Sierra is a stronger person than that (read: complains about stuff instead of just going with the flow), and Sierra says that Brendan had the immunity idol, and she thought that was important because she's obviously never watched an episode of this show before. "The most important thing is friends," Tyson says, but how would he know? Even if other people are misguided enough to want to be friends with him, I don't think he's capable of having human feelings for people in return. Being amused by people does not equal friendship, Tyson. Sierra interviews that she went from the top of the game yesterday to the bottom today. Which actually isn't true, since she was at the bottom of the game the second J.T. and Stephen decided to go with Douche's alliance over hers, and that was five days ago. She says she's going to keep fighting, but her attitude while saying this suggests otherwise. She goes off with Tyson and apologizes for her "bad choices" and says she never would have tried to go up against Tyson or Douche. "But you did," Tyson says, which is true. Tyson interviews that he's enjoying watching Sierra scramble around because he's never liked her and thinks she's "of no worth" to anyone except her parents, who "probably" love her, and her boyfriend, who probably isn't cool anyway. Way to be so jealous of Sierra's boyfriend, Tyson. Now go make out with the school principal who's twice your age. Tyson says Sierra is scrambling and back-pedaling, but it won't work. She says she's just trying to make it clear that she wasn't the "mastermind" behind the plan to vote Douche out, because why not lose any and all dignity and respect while losing the game? "I don't think you were the mastermind. I don't think you're smart enough for it. Like, really," Tyson says as Sierra's face falls. She should just turn around and walk away right there, but she stays, allowing Tyson to say that if he hadn't won the immunity challenge, Sierra and Brendan would have gone after him last night instead of Douche. Sierra tries to deny it, but then admits that if Brendan told her to vote Tyson out, she would have. "You're gonna be the to go. You're not gonna be able to change that," Tyson says. And if she doesn't suddenly develop a better set of negotiation and people skills, he's right.
Reward challenge! Contestants will be divided into two teams of four. They will race out to collect puzzle boards that they will then have to line up on four stages so that the holes in the puzzle boards all line up with each other and a vowel can be seen at the end of each hole. I know I'm not explaining this very well, but it's one of those challenges that shows much better than it tells. The teams will then take the seven vowels that are revealed and put them in a word jumble with a bunch of consonants and try to figure out the four word phrase it spells out: "you've won a feast." And this may shock you, but the reward is a feast. Bad news for Douche, though -- it must be eaten in the presence of a local tribe of Indians, and Indians hate Douche. But he seems strangely thrilled about this prize, most likely because he's not worried about the Indians since his story wasn't at all true. The Indians will perform a combination of martial arts and dance called Capoeira, which Douche will then attempt to do himself on his front lawn every morning to try to impress the neighbors. It won't work. The winning team will also get to send someone from the losing team to Exile. I hope Douche loses because he wants this so damn much. For someone who claims to have seen all there is to see in this world, he sure likes to bogart the unique cultural experiences from the rest of the contestants.
The red team consists of J.T., Debbie, Tyson, and Erinn. The black team is Taj, Sierra, Douche, and Stephen. Sierra's looking bummed out beyond belief, and Taj puts a friendly arm on her shoulder that is interrupted by Douche's insistence that they all pound fists. Probst calls go, and J.T. and Erinn run out for red while Stephen and Douche run for black. J.T. flies ahead of everyone, while Stephen is just behind Douche. Ha! Strong warrior Douche can barely run faster than Stephen. J.T. and Erinn get their board back first, but Stephen and Douche fit it into the slot thing before they do. Taj and Sierra get their piece untied first, and Taj basically wears the piece with her head poking through one of the holes as they run it back to the start. Tyson and Debbie have a hard time getting their piece in the slot, giving black more of a lead. While both teams are off untying more boards, Probst tells Taj to be careful with the board, noting that she could snap her neck that way. I'm surprised he doesn't actually want that to happen. Probst hates the contestants. Always. Hilariously, Stephen and Douche take a long time to untie their board, giving the red team the lead. When Douche gets back to start, he's clearly winded. Stephen's looking fresh as a daisy, though.
The red team gets all their boards back first, but black isn't far behind. Now it's time to get the boards in the correct position. Debbie contributes by saying "there's nothing!" over and over again, as if they don't already know the boards aren't all lined up. The red team sees their vowels first, and while Stephen tries to take control of the black team knowing it's their only chance at a win, Debbie's already had a brainstorm that the phrase will have something to do with a feast. Meanwhile ... "black team taking forever!" Probst says. And before they can even come close to finishing the second part of the challenge, the red team has won. I will remind you that Douche is not on the red team. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! J.T. immediately rallies to send Stephen to Exile, and if the rest of the team goes with that, they're idiots. Guess what? They send Stephen. J.T. interviews that he's figuring that there's an idol at Exile now that Brendan's gone, so Stephen getting it will ensure that Sierra does not. And that both idols are held by former Jalapeño members. Tempura is so dumb. Probst sends the winners and Stephen away, then turns to Douche with this: "Douche, you continue to lose out on these nice rewards. All that life experience not helping you out here." I kind of love Probst right now. Douche says he didn't have to line up boards in the Amazon. Because he was too busy throwing metal balls at ceramic tiles, no doubt.
The winners head for the village, and Erinn says she was especially excited because this is her first reward. Everyone is thrilled to see all the food waiting for them, and I'm shocked to see the villagers wearing normal clothes instead of the traditional exotic ritual wear this show usually forces the villagers into. Debbie says they didn't make a great first impression since they were dirty and gross and eating food like animals, but I see one of the villagers in the background of a shot playing with himself, so it's not like the villagers were all that polite either. Debbie sees some children and uses that to inform some unfortunate villager about her occupation back home, like he gives a shit. Debbie then interviews that she misses her own children and the students in her middle school. I'll bet they don't miss her. And that they've loved the example she's set on this show so far. Debbie tells one kid he's "beautiful" and "a very handsome man." The kid has taken enough Stranger Danger classes a Toocuntiss Elementary to know that he should run away from this adult and takes off. Debbie cries about how much she misses her job and students. She's been away from them for, what, twenty-five days? She must be an absolute wreck during summer vacation.
The villagers start the capoeira portion of the feast, and open playing musical instruments that J.T. thinks sound like banjos. Of course. Then there's the dancing, which kind of looks like the "Beat It" video. Erinn explains that capoeira is a form of martial arts where no physical contact is ever made. Basically, it's what Douche does every morning, but faster and more impressive. With that, the contestants are pulled up to try it themselves, only for Debbie to outshine everyone with a backflip. Shit. If my middle school principal could do a backflip, I would have respected him so much more. Meanwhile, Tyson can't even do a cartwheel. Erinn regrets all the post-binge movement immediately, saying that when she sat down after dancing she realized that she overdid things. Cut to Erinn barfing all over the village and her own feet. She compares herself to the kid at the birthday party who eats way too much pizza and cake, plays in the ballpit, and then throws up and wonders why. A random chicken runs past her and judges. Erinn just looks up at the camera, breaking the fourth wall perfectly.
Stephen goes to Exile and hopes a clue to the new immunity idol will be there waiting for him. Instead, he gets Clue #7: "if you want salvation and to be superior, inspect the huge cranium in its posterior." Huge cranium? Don't they mean crater? The fuck? Anyway, it means no new idol for Stephen, who says hanging out in the sand is much better than some stupid feast. It's better than being back at camp with Douche, that's for sure. With that, Stephen tans.
Day 26 at Forza. I guess Taj, Sierra, and Douche went back to camp and didn't talk about anything important whatsoever, as the winning group is back at camp and Sierra is trying to get something going with Debbie. Debbie says that if her alliance had "messed up" like Sierra's did, then she'd figure that she was going to get what was coming to her. And since everyone else in the tribe has been "loyal," Debbie says, Sierra really should be the to go. "You chose a wrong action," Debbie says, not realizing that voting Douche out is totally the correct action and the only thing Sierra did wrong is not try to vote him out weeks ago. Sierra says that if Debbie thinks her and Brendan trying to turn on her was a big deal, she's going to be pretty gobsmacked when it happens to her alliance later in the game. Debbie says maybe, but this is her alliance and she's playing this game just like Sierra is. So ... shittily? That sounds about right. Sierra whines that she's in limbo and her position is totally insecure. "That's the choice you made," Erinn says from her position five feet away. "This conversation is over," Sierra says, and it probably should have been over before it started. Come to Debbie with a solid reason why she should align with you. Don't just go and apologize and ask for a second chance. Sierra says she doesn't want things to get confrontational with Erinn "interjecting." Meanwhile, does Erinn realize that her "alliance" hates her and has from the beginning? Moron. Sierra cries and says she's being kicked in the face. Then she says that Debbie is keeping "other liars" in this game over Sierra. Erinn asks who the other liars are, and Sierra tells her she isn't talking to her. Then have the conversation when Erinn's not sitting three feet away, Helpless Harriet. Erinn says she wants to know who the liars are, and instead of giving other people away in an effort to save herself, Sierra just says Erinn is the last person she'd tell, so there goes that. With that, Erinn says Sierra's said the same thing over and over again, and everyone is sick of it. Since Sierra can't figure out how to add anything new to the conversation despite Erinn's open invitation to do so, she leaves, saying she's not going to eat dinner tonight. Dumbass -- if I were that certain I was going home, I'd eat as much as possible just to take more away from the people who were voting me out. Erinn interviews that Sierra "annoys [her] to death" and is "sooo dumb," but she also knows that everything Sierra is saying is absolutely, one hundred percent true. As soon as Sierra is out of the game, Erinn is planning to swoop in and change everything. Hooray! Erinn is cool again.
Sigh. Sierra talks to Douche again while he makes some beans, as his tribe has stupidly allowed him to do this again. She says she knows her number is up, but she can't just roll over and accept it, and Douche should know that because he expects more out of her. No, he doesn't, Sierra. Neither do I at this point. Your boyfriend probably is lame, just like Tyson said. DO SOMETHING. She tries to say that she never tried to hurt anyone she cared about. "Except for me!" Douche immediately says. Please say you don't care about Douche, Sierra. Please. Nope, she just tearfully begs for a second chance to prove her goodness and loyalty, as if that's something that's important to have in this game. As if that's something that Douche himself has in this game. Douche says he'd like to give Sierra a second chance, but he won't. He thinks Sierra should be "honorable" and accept her fate like a Samurai warrior would. "Death before dishonor," Douche says. I'm still trying to figure out how trying to vote Douche out is dishonorable. I'm also wondering if Douche is quoting Samurai code or Klingon warrior code. "You can't change the inevitable," Douche says, showing once again that he has a fundamental misunderstanding of what is inevitable in this game. Sierra tries to make a case for staying in the game longer than Erinn, but Douche isn't buying. "You made your bed," he says. Meanwhile, Erinn is about to make hers and it's going to screw you all over if her interviews prove true. Can't wait. Sierra says she's trying to be the "strong Sierra" that Douche "pushed up against [her]" to create. Sierra -- I don't think he was pushing up against you for any other reason than to get his jollies. "So don't get mad at me for having this conversation with you," Sierra says while hilariously overwrought Be Strong, Sierra music plays in the background. Douche interviews that as a coach, he wants to encourage and help people like Sierra along. "How do you save the kind enemy?" Sierra says, and please tell me she's only saying this stuff to appeal to Douche's faux warrior code and not because she actually believes it. Douche claims that it kills him and breaks his heart to have Sierra begging him for another chance like this, but that's bullshit because we all know that Douche freaking loves being in any kind of position of power and is getting off on this right now. Sierra interviews that she needs to win immunity.
Immunity challenge! It's raining as the tribe arrives and Probst calls Stephen in. Everyone is clearly freezing as Probst takes back the necklace from Tyson and explains the challenge. It's time for Survivor shuffleboard! Each player gets three pucks each and has to slide them across a board. Whoever's puck is closest to the X wins. But there's more! Because Probst is wet and cold, he wants to hurry things along, so he says that anyone who doesn't think he needs immunity can sit the challenge out and eat gross Survivor pizza instead. And instead of just asking who wants to sit out, he makes everyone pick a rock out of a bag and then show that rock if he wants to eat and not play. With that, Douche, J.T., and Stephen all decide to eat instead of play. They are all morons, too. Never ever think you're so safe in this game that you can just sit out a chance for immunity. Douche is the only one of the three idiots who seems proud of himself, smiling and whispering "thanks, man" to a not-very-happy-looking Tyson, who interviews that Douche gets to eat pizza while he has to win all the challenges. That's what you get for aligning with an asshole quitter, Tyson. Although I'm sure Douche would tell us that the Samurai warriors often gave up dragon slaying in order to enjoy a greasy meal, and it was the honorable thing. Look for Douche to incorporate the pizza-chew in his warrior poses week.
With that, the challenge begins. J.T., Stephen, and Douche are given the length of the challenge to eat as much as they can, and they dig right in. Sierra goes first, and the rainy surface of the board slows her puck down quite a bit. Debbie gets closer, but not that close. Probst advises the contestants to "use that cold energy, that shiver," which is stupid and doesn't make sense. Taj overshoots the X, as does Erinn. Tyson goes last, and his challenge magic doesn't work this round as he ends up further away from the X than Debbie.
Second round: Debbie gets the closest to the X. Taj knocks Tyson's first puck closest to the X, which sucks hard. But then Erinn gets the closet so far with her turn. Tyson doesn't get close at all, but Probst tries to credit him for blocking the path to the X for future turns. Actually, it's not a bad plan (if it was intentional, which I doubt), as when Sierra goes, she ends up knocking into Tyson's second puck and sliding it very close to the X. Shit.
Third round: Taj's puck goes into the fake sand dune. Fail. She mutters that she should have eaten the pizza. Yeah, but then you'd look like an asshole who's way too confident about her position in the game. Erinn goes and slides her puck hard to knock Sierra out of the way, as if she was even close to the X to begin with. Tyson's up , and his last shot gets closest to the X. Ugh. Douche cheers for him obnoxiously with his mouth full of food. And now, it's Sierra's turn. WHAT!!!! Not only does she get closest to the X, but she knocks both of Tyson's pucks away, too! YES!!!!!!!! She's thrilled, and she's the only one. Debbie tries to look happy for her. Shut up, Debbie. Douche interviews that when he saw Sierra dancing in victory, it occurred to him that he might have fucked up and shouldn't have gone for the pizza after all. But if they're showing him saying that post-challenge, then it probably means that someone knocked Sierra away and she lost, because Douche wouldn't admit to a mistake that had any real consequences. Debbie is the last person to go, and Sierra can't even look. Debbie slides ... and, oh fuck. She knocks Sierra away and wins immunity. Sierra actually looks happy, which is strange. Maybe she wants to leave the game at this point. Probst gives Debbie the necklace and tries to pretend that we don't all know who's going home tonight. Sierra does the post-game wrap-up that she knows she needed to win, and she didn't. So she's praying for a miracle. Too bad. Douche exists, therefore there is no god.
Back at camp, right in front of Sierra, J.T. says he's glad Debbie won and "that couldn't have worked out any better." Debbie quietly says she's happy she won it for her alliance, and Tyson says "there's nothing awesomer than seeing someone celebrate before the game is over." Remember that quote, my friends. Tyson interviews that he would have loved to win the immunity necklace for the third time in a row, because why not advertise what a threat you are to the rest of your tribe? He can't wait for Tribal, at which he hopes Sierra cries a lot. Remember that quote, too.
MEANWHILE!!! Erinn is in the shelter with Taj and Stephen, and she has an idea: vote Tyson out while he doesn't have immunity. Stephen thinks this is a great idea, since they don't know if they'll have another chance to get rid of Tyson. YES. YES. YES. Stephen says he likes Tyson, but this game is for a million dollars. Also, Tyson is not likable. Taj is fine with whatever and tells Stephen to talk to J.T. about it. Stephen ascertains that Erinn is totally with them. Erinn interviews that Tyson is such a great challenge competitor that he must be voted out whenever there's an opportunity. I have such hope, you guys. Such hope. I've had faith in Erinn for almost this whole season. Please let it be founded, unlike my faith in Crystal last season. Erinn says she knows this could be dangerous for her, but she's not going to win this game by letting other people make decisions for her. With that, she cuddles up to Douche and lets him hug her. I approve of this only because it could lead to Douche being off my TV screen soon. Not soon enough, but soon.
Symbolic spider! And then Stephen talks to J.T., who is stupidly surprised when Stephen suggests taking Tyson out. But he doesn't say no, just that it's a "big move" and it's a bit early to make it, probably since it'll leave Tempura with a majority against Jalapeño. But it's a majority with Sierra and Erinn in it, so I wouldn't be too concerned. Stephen tells J.T. that this could be their only chance at Tyson, then says that almost every season has one challenge monster. "Let's make it you," he says to J.T. Damn, Stephen is good at this. J.T. says that Sierra is a "lying bitch" and he hates her. Say what? How? How is she any more of a liar than you were when you lied to Brendan? Stephen says he hates Sierra, too, and I don't know where all of this Sierra hate is coming from. J.T. interviews that going against Douche's warrior alliance is a tough decision. If you're a moron, yes. I really hope J.T. isn't a moron. But I also know that this show loves to bring my hopes up only to send them crashing down at Tribal Council.
Douche talks to J.T. and says Sierra is going home tonight, and the "warrior alliance" is going to the Final Five because it would be "fucking stupid" of them to give themselves that name only to chicken out and fall apart. Except that J.T. didn't give the alliance that name. You did, Douche. And you think Debbie is a warrior, so whatever. J.T. looks Douche right in the face and says he has his word. They shake on it. J.T. interviews that it'll "crush" Douche if he goes against him, and he doesn't know what he's going to do. Uh huh. Bye, Sierra.
The tribe arrives at Tribal Council. Probst brings Brendan in, and then there's a shot of Douche with like fifteen feathers in his stupid hair. Brendan goofily smiles and waves at everyone even though there is supposed to be no communication from jury unless it contains Eliza. Probst talks to Sierra first, noting that she was stunned when Brendan was voted out at the last Tribal Council. Sierra says she was, and she's expecting to go home tonight. She won't be blindsided. But she will cry, which probably makes Tyson happy. Please let him be voted out. Please!! Probst asks Tyson if he's nervous about his own position in the game since he doesn't have immunity tonight. Tyson says he feels pretty comfortable because he's an idiot. He says he trusts his alliance and he was happy to see someone he loves win if he couldn't win himself. Sierra rolls her eyes like a champ. "Thank you, Tyson," Debbie says. Please let this lead up to Tyson's blindside. PLLLEEEAAASSSEEEEE.
Probst starts to ask J.T. what he thinks about Tyson saying that he's glad Debbie won and not J.T. Tyson immediately interrupts to say that he didn't say he was glad Debbie won, he said he was glad that "someone [he] loved" won. And he loves everyone here, including an unamused Brendan and excepting an equally unamused Sierra. Tyson winks at Brendan like that'll win him a vote. When asked, Tyson comes right out and says that he's voting for Sierra tonight. Probst asks Sierra if people are trying to win her jury vote by being "nice" enough to tell her she's being voted out . Yes, because Tyson was so nice about that. Sierra says that she knew as soon as Brendan left the game that she'd be going , but she wanted her tribe to know ... and then she sort of makes no sense for a while until Probst finally interrupts to say "I don't know what you're talking about." "Nobody does," Tyson adds. Sierra spins around angrily as Tyson volunteers to speak for Sierra. Sierra turns this generous offer down, and Tyson looks over at Brendan again like he'll be impressed with Tyson for kicking his alliancemate when she's down. Probst just wants to know what the deal is between Tyson and Sierra right now. Sierra says Tyson likes to badger her and most of what he says isn't funny. Go, Sierra! Tyson says he's never felt close to Sierra but he has tried to be friendly to her. Probst asks Tyson if that attitude could hurt him in the game, and Tyson says he gave Sierra five minutes to explain herself and when she took longer than that and he was already mad at her for trying to vote out Douche, he decided that he didn't owe her any more courtesy since she didn't give him any in the first place. "This is a game about strengths and weaknesses. It's not a personality contest," Sierra says, which isn't necessarily true. Then she does make some sense and says that Tyson is really strong in challenges and that's not someone you want to go up against in the end. Douche and Tyson smirk at this, because they have no idea how this game is played. Sierra says she wouldn't vote Tyson out because she didn't like him -- she'd vote him out because it would increase her chances of winning a reward or immunity.
Probst reminds Douche that Tyson won the first two immunity challenges, so why not get rid of the threat tonight? Douche says he wants to "walk the path of the noble warrior," although we all know that if said path had some poison ivy on it or too many rocks or it was just kind of hot outside or someone offered him pizza, he wouldn't. Taj's expression during this is AWESOME. She crosses her eyes! Like she's so beyond done with Douche's warrior BS that she can't even roll her eyes. So great. When Douche is done talking about how he wants to go up against the strongest possible person, Probst eagerly points out that he voted Brendan out. HA!!! Probst 3, Douche 0 so far tonight. "I will explain this to you," Douche offers. "I'm sure you will," Probst says. +4. Everyone laughs at Douche. Douche says Brendan pitted himself against him. Probst interrupts to say that's what Douche said he wanted. Douche says he did, and he won, so thank you. Probst giggles. +5 Douche can't help but say that he is a better leader than Brendan, because that's really what he didn't like about Brendan all along, isn't it? And how is Brendan wrong and dishonorable for going up against Douche THE EXACT SAME WAY that Douche tried to go up against him, except that Douche did it earlier? Also, as far as Douche knew going into that vote, Brendan was voting for J.T. and had more trust in his alliance with Tempura than Douche ever did himself. And why am I even arguing about this? No one on earth could possibly think that Douche is the honorable warrior he claims to be. Douche says that he has trust in his alliance, and they will battle each other "in an honorable fashion," as in he will not go back on his word to them. Probst clears up that Douche's definition of an "honorable battle" is both parties agreeing how they're going to fight or something. Douche says something about being a ravenous wolf and I wish one would roll up on the set and eat him now.
Probst turns to J.T. and asks him how he feels about Douche's strategy. J.T. says Douche is changing the game just like he said he would, and he believes in Douche's word. Prost asks Douche if he feels just as secure with J.T.'s word, and Douche says yes, but only in terms that make it look like Douche is that awesome for being able to see the truth in J.T.'s eyes. As he says this, J.T. looks shifty-eyed, which is only meant to give me false hope that Tyson is leaving tonight. With that, it's time to vote.
Douche votes for Sierra, saying more shit about dragons and "good night, sweet princess" before delicately placing the vote inside the urn. Sierra votes for Tyson: "you're a jerk." Yep. Probst tallies the votes and ask if anyone wants to play his idol. No one does. Everyone except Sierra is looking pretty damn smug. The first vote is for Sierra. More smugness. Then one vote for Tyson. Even more smugness as everyone assumes the vote is from Sierra. Then there's another vote for Sierra, and a third vote, and she's getting ready to stand up and thinking of what to say when Probst extinguishes her torch. Tyson is grinning away, celebrating before the game is over. And then ... a second vote for Tyson, and the grin fades. Omg. Omg. PLEASE!!! Tyson gets a third vote. YESSSSSSSSSSSSS. Sierra can't believe it. Douche is looking not so smug anymore. Tyson gets A FOURTH VOTE!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU, ERINN!!!! Also I love her trying to look all surprised right now with that hand over her mouth. And the last vote is for ... TYSON!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Have fun at the loser's lodge with Brendan, asshole. By the way, Sierra is crying right now in happiness. I wonder if Tyson is enjoying watching her cry. Brendan sure is. Probst extinguishes Tyson's torch, and he doesn't go off on a killing spree or anything. In fact, he turns and waves and seems almost likeable if you don't think about everything else he's done this season. Awesomely, Douche sits there looking crushed. An angry Debbie glares at him, and he shakes his head that he had nothing to do with this, and that's the most real reaction we've seen from Douche yet. Probst says that with another blindside (and this counts as one, with four people having no idea that Tyson was going home tonight, including one of the people who voted for him), it's shaping up to be the battle that Douche claimed he wanted. +6.
You can read more from Sara Morrison at L.A.me, which she occasionally updates when she has something to complain about. Or you can email her at saramorrison@gmail.com.
Discuss this episode in the Survivor forums, and see how Douche stacks up against the rest of the worst human beings on reality TV!