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The tribes merge this week, which Taj sees as an opportunity to put her secret alliance into action and Douche and Tyson see as an opportunity to team up with desperate Jalapeño members against Brendan. Much is said about both plans, and so neither of them actually happen. Brendan and Sierra say nothing to Taj and Stephen about the alliance, causing Taj and Stephen to think they've decided to stay with Tempura since they have the majority. On the contrary, Brendan's just lying low until Joe and J.T. are voted out to strike. Unfortunately, he doesn't tell anyone else about this plan, so when J.T. presents Stephen with an alliance with Douche, Tyson, and Debbie, he's all for it. Why would Douche and Tyson turn against their own tribe? Because they're in love with themselves and because J.T. and Stephen made sure Douche knew that Brendan had the immunity idol. Brendan told Douche he didn't have it, and so he is a liar and Douche is in full-on fake warrior mode, ready to cut off dragon heads and mount unicorns and whatever other creatures exist in his fantasy world. None of that matters in the end, though, because Joe's leg wound becomes too infected to ignore and he's air-lifted out of the game. Probst calls off Tribal Council, and we don't find out what that means for the immunity Tyson won at the endurance individual challenge. A boring send-off for a boring contestant. Also, the merged tribe's name is "Forza," which Douche claims is the Portuguese word for "strength." In reality, the word is actually "força." There is no such word as forza in Portuguese. "Forza" is Italian. With that, I've already forgotten who left the show tonight.
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Want more? The full recap starts right below!Just after Tribal Council, the dwindling Jalapeño tribe returns to a camp full of symbolic spiders. Taj says she feels bad Sydney was voted out, but not that much since it was either Sydney or Taj going home tonight. Joe interviews that he now feels like the odd man out for the first time. I wonder if, watching it at home now, Joe has realized that he was the odd man out for almost the entire time. Doubt it. In the shelter, the four remaining members think about how strong their tribe was in the beginning, only to suck out right before the merge. Yes, it is both shameful and sad, because their implosion means that Douche is still in this game and will make it to the jury at the very least. Taj hopes their luck will change tomorrow. Stephen bows his head in doubt.
After the credits, the Survivor editors have gone insane and given us a freaking montage set to "Carmina Burana" of Douche being even more obliviously ridiculous than usual. Watch as he stretches by the waterfront in an attempt to impress his tribe with his approximation of Tai Chi! Thrill as the editors insert fake lightning and get way too close to his pecs! I don't know if I should give the editors a hand for hating Douche just as much as I do or hate everyone involved with this show for him being cast in the first place. With that, we cut over to the rest of the tribe watching Douche pose and wonder what he's doing. Sadly, Erinn isn't around to say something awesome about what a phony loser jackass Douche is. Douche interviews that he's been trying his hardest to work with his tribe full of lesser individuals and not call them out on their inferiority. He probably thinks he's done an awesome job of that, too. He says his prayer/meditation/centering/whatever he did got him re-focused on the fact that it's no longer about playing the game for the tribe -- "this is about me now." Yes, I hear meditation is great for enabling one's selfish pursuits.
With that, Douche gives all the ladies massages, whether they want them or not. Erinn even gets a massage, and Douche is somehow able to touch her without his fingers burning off upon contact with her untruthiness. Erinn interviews that Douche has been nice to everyone around camp lately, and if the stupid water meditation is what's making that happen, she's all for it. In fact, she'll push him in the water and "whatever needs to happen. Because I like new Coach." Nooo, Erinn! NO! I can't lose you to the Douche spell! Also, he's now giving Tyson a massage. Of course.
Beans are cooked, and Douche's meditation ritual means that he doesn't burn them into cinders and then get mad at the tribe for getting mad at him. Brendan can't help but laugh at Douche, saying he's like a totally different person these days. "Life is good," Douche says, as Debbie feeds him something. Ugh. Brendan interviews that he's always had a good relationship with Douche despite Douche's tendency to do asshole things around camp and to claim to be the originator of the Samurai topknot. "They've been doing it for like thousands of years in Japan and Johnny Depp's been doing it for like twenty years here. You didn't start anything," Brendan says behind Douche's back. But not to his face, which is disappointing.
Back at Jalapeño, Joe's leg wound did not heal in one day as he predicted. In fact, today it's worse than ever, hot to the touch and swollen. Joe still claims that it's healing, but the rest of the tribe doesn't look very hopeful. Taj wonders how this happened, and Joe says "a little bug" must have gotten into it. This terrifies Taj, who thinks he's talking about an actual insect. Joe clarifies that he meant bacteria. Okay, so Taj looked kind of dumb there. No one said the S in SWV stood for "science." Taj interviews that Joe's leg wound is a source of concern for her, now that his ability to convince others to vote her out has been neutralized. She says he keeps saying it's getting better, but it doesn't look like it to her. Let's hammer in Joe's doom with a shot of a vulture.
Joe limps over to the fire pit. J.T. interviews that Joe has a "bunged-up leg" and is therefore "down 'n out." Then he talks about what he really cares about, which is the Jalapeño minority going into a merge, which will only get smaller if Joe's leg forces him out of the game.
There's treemail at Tempura. Brendan hands the string around the mail to Douche, who's been using them as his hair ties, as is the Samurai code. The clue says something about spinning and a feast for the winner, and the tribe wonders what that could mean. Over at Jalapeño, they're doing the same thing. Except for Taj, who reads that there's a "feast" and celebrates before reading the line that it goes to the winner, which doesn't sound like an automatic merge feast. No one said the V in SWV stood for "very literate." You can actually see the figurative wind be taken out of Taj's sails. She interviews that she wants the feast and "I get excited when I hear anything that starts with an F." Well, famine starts with an F too, Taj. Stephen decides that there's a merge coming, while everyone else seems to think it's another challenge. J.T. interviews that he's ready to win it, because he is a sore loser. And he's hoping it is a challenge because he doesn't think he's ready for a merge.
Both tribes arrive at the destination. Douche makes sure to give J.T. a fist-pound, and then they see what's waiting for them: not a challenge or a smarmy host, but a merge feast! J.T. immediately takes his shirt off for some reason, while Sierra goes ape-shit over the presence of candy on the table. "Give me some water without bugs in it!" Taj cries. Everyone digs in before even reading the note on the table, which is kind of dumb because you never know what twist awaits you in this game. Although maybe not this season, which has been pretty much twist-free. Debbie the wino pulls out a bottle of something alcoholic and cheers, setting a wonderful example for all her students. J.T. reads the note telling them that they have merged, and Tyson passes out their new green buffs. They'll be living at the Tempura camp, and will they all be given green clothes now? Because I won't know who is in what tribe without color-coded outfits.
While the new tribe digs into the feast and celebrates, Stephen interviews that his tribe was hoping more for the merge feast than the merge itself. At some point, Erinn says, "Tyson's kinda like a girl," and I like her again despite the fact that she doesn't seem to hate Douche anymore. Speaking of Douche, he stands up and proposes a toast, because it's always the biggest douchebag at the table who thinks of these things. They all toast to each other and the merge. Douche interviews that getting four new tribe members is like "getting a new girlfriend. There's all kinds of things to explore." And if you're Douche, you'd better do it before the end of the first date, as your horrible personality all but guarantees there won't be a second one. Douche then says he wishes they had the chance to "decimate" Jalapeño more before the merge, which I'm sure they could have if Tempura hadn't lost all those immunity challenges earlier. Douche has forgotten about all of that unpleasantness, however, and says he's sure Tempura would have continued to wipe Jalapeño out if given the chance.
J.T. starts asking about people's jobs, saying he's just a cattle rancher. "And a rocket scientist," Stephen says. They might think that's a funny joke, but Douche can totally top it, as he says he's a soccer coach and a "symphony conductor in California." Except while J.T. knows he's not a rocket scientist, Douche thinks he is a real coach and a real conductor. "Symphony instructor?" J.T. asks hilariously. "Conductor," Douche says. I wish he'd conduct some electricity. "Call me Maestro," Douche says. While Brendan and Erinn try not to laugh at Douche, he talks about his jet-set two-job lifestyle. Incidentally, where I'm from, having two part-time jobs is not considered glamorous. Douche makes sure to add that he flies back and forth between his two jobs, as if spending a lot of money on airfare is something to be proud of. Because you know neither of those jobs is offering to pay for the flights for him. Because he's not that important. Douche immediately takes a liking to J.T., who he sees as a "warrior." He also throws Stephen a bone, saying he's "obviously intelligent." Of course, a female like Taj gets no consideration. Joe would, but he's so boring that he's basically invisible. Douche claims to be looking forward to the individual immunity challenges, apparently under the assumption that his ass won't be getting kicked in every single one of them.
With that, Erinn says they need to figure out a new tribe name. Stephen suggest something in Portuguese that means "the will to overcome," but because it sounds kind of stupid, it's actually turned down. Which is amazing considering how tribes usually pick the stupidest name they can possibly think of on this show. Like Nobag. Or Dabu. Not to worry, as Douche knows some Portuguese of his own and proposes "Forza," which the editors make sure to show him saying means "strength" in Portuguese. Guess what? It doesn't. "Força" is "strength" in Portuguese. "Forza" is "strength" in Italian. Portuguese =/= Italian. Douche fails. Debbie obviously hates the name, but Joe is all for it simply because it's easier to say than Jalapeño. And we all know Taj loves the name, since it starts with the letter F. With the name apparently chosen, Sierra decides to be a moron and ask her new tribemates why they voted Spencer and Sydney out, saying those votes "shocked" everyone. Not as much as I'd bet seeing Tempura vote the black people out first and second shocked Taj. After awkward silence, Joe just says "good." Not getting the hint, Sierra persists, asking if it was a random decision or if there was an alliance. Stephen deflects nicely by asking Sierra how Tempura made their decisions. He then interviews that he knows the value of being discrete about things like that with the other tribe. With that, he butters Tempura up by calling them all great competitors and saying his tribe "appreciates" how well they've done against them in challenges. J.T. reminds us that as the minority in the new tribe, the old members of Jalapeño are "sitting ducks." Then he asks about the "fishin' holes" around their new camp. Taj tries to suppress a squeal of delight at another F-word, while Debbie is thrilled that they're finally going to get a tribemate who can catch fish. Until Douche burns the food to an inedible crisp. J.T. says his plan going into the merged tribe is to look for power struggles within Tempura and try to exploit them to his and his old tribes' advantage.
The new tribe goes to the old Tempura camp, where J.T. immediately remarks upon the amount of pots there are waiting for them. The Tempura members, meanwhile, are very happy to see all those comfort items. Taj takes a seat in the rope swing, although I can't tell if it's the one Douche built or the one Brendan made. I'm hoping it's Brendan's. We just can't stop hearing from J.T., who interviews that he was not impressed with Tempura's shelter, which he calls a "dollhouse." It's the best Sierra could do all by herself, J.T. Don't you judge. The men of the new tribe immediately decide to rebuild the shelter, while the women sit around fanning themselves. Debbie suggests giving the new people tour of the place, and Joe limps up to join in. Stephen looks pensive, then interviews that the people of Tempura are pretty much in control here, and his tribe is dependent on their "good graces." More like you're dependant on looking like the weakest member of the tribe so you'll be the last to be voted out.
With that, J.T. and Douche go off to fish. Douche says he's more of a fly fisherman himself, as there's an "art" to casting. More like he's seen A River Runs Through It too many times. He graciously admits to not being an "expert," however. Douche interviews that as soon as he saw J.T.'s cowboy boots, he took him for an open and honest good ol' boy. This somehow makes J.T. and Douche kindred spirits, as they love the outdoors and are both warriors. With that, Douche suggests that they talk about the game while they fish, and J.T. is more than happy to oblige, and opens by cleverly saying it looks to him like Brendan thinks he's in control of the entire game. I think someone's been getting some good advice from Stephen on how to use egos to drive a wedge. Douche tries to sound unconcerned when he asks J.T. who told him that, and J.T. immediately says Taj. He then says he's almost positive that Brendan has the idol, while his open, honest face that Douche described says he has no idea if Taj has it, "if she does, there's two idols." Douche falls for all of it, and decides that now is a good time to give everything away. First, he tells J.T. that he has sworn he will not lie in this game, and hopes J.T. will not lie to him. Hee hee hee. J.T. interviews that he saw cracks in Tempura right away and planned to exploit them. "It's hard to keep six people from different walks of life to stick together when they hate each other. So I'm here to make sure everybody hates each other," J.T. interviews. I still think he got all of that from Stephen. With that, J.T. proposes blind-siding Brendan to get the idol out of the game. Douche interviews that he always thought Brendan was "a little bit squirrelly," which is totally not true since he ran up to Brendan like ten minutes into the game and tried to form a strong people alliance. Now that Douche knows that Brendan lied to him about having the idol, it's war.
It's also nighttime, and Forza better watch out because the moon is heading straight for their camp! Or maybe the cameras just need to back up off the moon. The closer you get, the less flattering the shot is. Douche and Tyson go off to talk in the moonlight, and Douche tells him that he loves and trusts J.T. with all his heart, and he said that Brendan has the idol. Tyson is pretty sure this is true. Various shots of cockroaches are seen as Douche proposes an alliance with Stephen and J.T. and Tyson can't stop sucking on his finger, which is probably all dirty and stuff. Tyson thinks an alliance like that would be "deadly" (in a good way, I'm guessing). Douche whisper-interviews that the first rule of war is to cut off the dragon's head, and that dragon is Brendan. Okay, what war is that? The war in World of Warcraft? Because dragons aren't actually real. Nevertheless, Douche deems his new plan "awesome." And then one last shot of a cockroach, just because the editors hate Douche that much.
Meanwhile, Joe limps around camp. That's all.
Tyson talks to Stephen about getting rid of Brendan. Stephen says Brendan underestimates everyone else in this game, which is probably true. Tyson says Brendan told him he didn't have the idol and he wanted to take Tyson to the final, and Tyson doesn't believe either of those things. He proposes an alliance of Stephen, J.T., Tyson, Douche, and Debbie. "Oh, good," Stephen says. Yes. Very good. Stephen interviews that so far, Tempura has shown itself to be a fractured tribe without the strong bonds it would need to form a united front against the Jalapeño minority. Meanwhile, I see that Douche didn't even hesitate to claim the new hammock for himself. Stephen continues that Tempura is full of "power dynamics" that should be "very easy to exploit." And when even J.T. can figure that out (although not present that argument quite so eloquently), you know Tempura is full of transparent fools. Tyson tells Stephen that once they get rid of Brendan, the game is theirs to win. Stephen smiles. Tyson laughs evilly.
The morning, J.T. tries to teach Tyson how to fish. Tyson is excited when he manages to catch something, but when he pulls it out of the water, J.T. tries not to laugh at the "little baby catfish." J.T. gives Tyson a lesson in catfish anatomy, telling him that some catfish have razor-sharp poisonous fins. Even though the catfish attacked him, J.T. throws it back in the water to live another day. He interviews that he didn't think he would get along with Tyson after going up against him in all those challenges, but things are different now that they're living together. With that, the new friends talk strategy. Specifically, voting out Brendan ASAP. J.T., of course, is just fine with that and they shake hands and man-hug. Tyson interviews that he's looking forward to getting rid of Brendan, who seems like "sneaky bastard." Tyson, on the other hand, thinks that when he lies, no one can tell. He's proud of this quality, which I think is shared by many sociopaths.
Back at camp, Tyson makes up a lame excuse to talk to Debbie, saying "Debbie, uh, you wanna go grab some firewood? You think we need some?" Yeah, he's a smooth liar. As soon as they're gone, Taj and Stephen are left with Brendan. This is excellent for the secret Exile alliance. Or not, as Taj interviews that she figured she and Stephen were safe once the merge happened. But they've been at camp for a while now, and Brendan and Sierra haven't said a thing to either of them, so Taj is starting to think they've decided to stick with Tempura rather than align with them. Taj and Stephen go off to talk, and Taj admits that she has no idea what's going on with Brendan or if he's still with them. She doesn't have much hope that he is.
Then Brendan interviews that the secret alliance is still intact, but they're just laying low for now. They sure are! And when it's so low that half of your alliance doesn't think it exists anymore, you might want to lay a little bit higher. Brendan wants to vote Joe and J.T. out to gain the majority before the alliance strikes, which is stupid because Joe and J.T. are both members of Jalapeño, so Taj and Stephen aren't going to be exactly thrilled about that or really trust Brendan to keep them around. Once Joe and J.T. are gone, Brendan says, the Exile Alliance will take charge "if need be." So, obviously, he's only seeing this alliance as a back-up plan, while the other half is seeing it as their only chance in the game. And he isn't communicating with them at all. Not smart, Brendan. Cue the shots of symbolic snakes.
Tyson talks to Debbie. He says J.T. is an honest straight-shooter and the new alliance is them, Douche, J.T. and Stephen. Debbie's fine with that because she must know that it's ridiculous that she's even still in this game. Brendan walks up, and Tyson asks if they're taking Joe out tonight. Brendan says yes. Debbie agrees. With that, Tyson and Debbie pretend to go hunting for more firewood. Tyson interviews that he totally pulled the wool over Brendan's eyes and he's proud of it, especially since Brendan is supposed to be all good at business and stuff. "I can mold this game however I want right now," Tyson says. Ugh.
Joe and Erinn go off to scheme. Joe says he found the immunity idol back at his camp, and Erinn apparently didn't even bother to look for hers yet, as that's what they're doing now. They walk up to treemail, and Joe looks up its asshole to find nothing. Way to be less smart than Taj and not even bother to fake one, Brendan. Is he even playing this game anymore? Does he really think the rest of the tribe is that stupid and that loathe to plot behind his back that they haven't even considered that he has the idol and getting rid of him because of that? Moron! Erinn interviews that it was obvious that something used to be in the "pocket" of the treemail, and since it's gone now, either Brendan or Sierra must have it. Erinn's solution is to vote them both out, as she, too, is completely clueless about the fact that her old tribe hates her and wants her out as soon as possible as well. "Then we can actually play the game for real," she says. Funny how she didn't think playing with an immunity idol was fake before she realized that she didn't have access to one.
Immunity challenge time! The tribe arrives, and Probst looks to J.T. to tell him the name of the new tribe because Probst loves J.T. Once Probst gets a lesson in fake Portuguese, he takes the immunity idol back and reveals the new immunity necklace. It's much less stupid than in seasons. With all those feathers around it, it's almost pretty. Probst calls it "bea-yoo-tiful," which is taking things a little far, and Sierra smiles as if she'll ever win it. Probst explains today's challenge: there are ten square poles with notches cut in them. Each player must wrap himself around the pole and hold on for as long as possible. Last man or woman left on the pole wins. Yes, it's another one of those ten-second "endurance" challenges.
The players wrap themselves around their poles and we begin. Stephen has problems early on, and tells Probst he has a lot of limbs to concentrate on. "More than the rest of us?" someone (I think it was Erinn) asks. Heh. Joe then has problems of his own, and J.T. tells him to hold on because it's either him or J.T. going home tonight. That doesn't stop Joe's feet from slipping. Stephen soon finds himself sliding down his pole, probably getting splinters in all kinds of fun places before he hits the ground. Poor showing, Stephen. I'm especially vexed because this means Douche will not be the first person out of the game, and I was so looking forward to some spectacular individual challenge failures from him. Joe falls soon after, having never gotten a good foothold. He does a Douche anger scream on his way to the bench, although that might just be the agony of his leg and the scraping he took from the pole on the way down more than the agony of defeat. Probst gets a chance to look at Joe's leg wound and says, "Wow. What is going on with that?" Joe says it's infected, and we see the bugs are still partying it up on his leg. Probst says it looks gross and turns back to the challenge, where Taj and Brendan are both starting to slip. "I hate this challenge," Brendan mutters. Well, at least he's talking in proximity to Taj if not actually talking to her.
Probst sadly reports that J.T. is now having trouble. I can't tell you guys how sad I am that Douche didn't suck out big time in his first individual challenge. Sierra and Debbie, meanwhile, are doing well. This is obviously a challenge geared towards the women. As Taj makes all kinds of silly noises in her effort not to fall, Brendan slips down his pole, much to Douche's delight. Taj and Erinn drop off before Brendan can even sit down. Of the five people left in the game, only one is from Jalapeño. Shameful!
After twenty minutes have elapsed, J.T. is holding himself on the pole by sheer force of will and some fingernails. Sierra is finally starting to struggle. But then, J.T.'s force of will isn't enough and he's down. Douche takes a minute to point out that the four people left in the game are all from Tempura, and Probst asks him if he's saying that Tempura is planning on sticking together against Jalapeño. Douche says they are. And it would appear that I spoke too soon about Douche not sucking out of this challenge, as he basically chooses to climb down the pole and give up because he's that confident that he doesn't need immunity. Warriors give up and quit all the time, so this makes sense. You know what also makes sense? Douche knew he was about to slip anyway and thought it would look better to "choose" to lose than to lose a physical challenge to Sierra or Debbie. Sierra is the to go, although definitely not by choice as she slides down the pole and goes to the bench with more wood in her arm than skin. It's harsh enough that Probst almost feels sorry for her. "That post got every part of your body on the way down," Probst says. Sierra clearly wishes she had chosen to wear pants.
Thirty minutes have elapsed, and Debbie is starting to have problems. Meanwhile, Tyson is hanging on by his toes. He slides down a bit to rearrange his weight, and Erinn tells him to be careful he doesn't fall off. "Don't boss me around, lady," he says, and not in a nice or joking way. Erinn says she doesn't want him to break his "pretty little face" and Tyson agrees that this is a concern. Probst laughs and laughs. Sorry, J.T., but I think Probst has a new mancrush. And Debbie laughs so hard that she falls off the pole, handing Tyson the win. I'm still pretty impressed with her performance, I have to say. Douche gives Tyson a standing ovation and Probst makes sure to put his hand on Tyson's back and let it linger there after he presents him with the immunity necklace. With that, he tells everyone to go back to camp except Joe so the Survivor medical team can look at his bug and bacteria infested leg. J.T. gives us the post-challenge wrap-up, saying things are scary and he has to put his trust in people he barely knows. But he doesn't really have any other choice.
After the break, Joe's leg wound is inspected by Dr. Lucy McKinnon, who must have made the show sign some kind of contract forcing them to write out her name and profession if she ever appeared on screen. Dr. Lucy's prognosis is that the amount of swelling in Joe's wound probably means it's full of pus. Joe says that the only way he'll leave the game because of this wound is if they tell him he'll lose the leg if he stays. Sounds like that's exactly what Lucy's going to say, as she says that the wound is very close to the bone, so there's a risk of the bone becoming infected or Joe's blood getting infected. So he's at risk of losing his life along with the leg. Okay, how did people survive back before they invented medicine? On this show, you trip over a rock and get a tiny cut and it always swells up and almost kills you. Also, if this show wants its episodes to be exciting and not boring inevitable med-evacs, perhaps Dr. Lucy and her team could do a better job of treating the wounds when they happen and doing some adequate follow-up care instead of waiting until it's too late and the contestant has to leave the game and we're left with a boring hour of nothing despite the editors' best efforts. They can give Joe a band-aid and Neosporin and still maintain the image that these contestants are roughing it with only the bare essentials.
Back at Camp Forza, Debbie admires Tyson's immunity necklace. He lets her wear it, then interviews that once again, that he kicked ass. He offers his phone number to any women who ask for it. That's one line I won't be in. I'd rather date a guy who was nice and not creepy than a guy who runs around naked for no reason and is good at clinging onto a pole. It starts to rain, and Stephen interviews that as time went by and Joe still hadn't returned from the challenge, everyone started to figure out that something was really wrong. "I hope Joe's okay," Erinn says, shitting herself. Stephen says that he's hoping that the alliance with Tyson, Douche, and Debbie is genuine and Brendan will be going home tonight, but he's not sure how much he can really trust them. Everyone huddles under an umbrella to escape the rain and talk about the challenge, except for J.T. and Stephen, who walk away conspicuously. With them gone, only the Tempura people remain (apparently Taj is off doing an interview or snoozing in the hut), so they start to talk about who should go tonight. Tyson wonders if they should target J.T. instead of Joe. Erinn, of course, rallies for J.T. Tyson agrees to that. Tyson interviews that he has no intention of voting J.T. out and was just lying, which brings him pleasure. He says he's never liked Sierra, who is only on this show to "give hope to stupid people around the world." Well, why are you on this show, Tyson? To give hope to quirky Mormon professional cyclists with sociopathic tendencies? In an effort to be funny, Tyson then blathers on about how Brendan has felt Tyson's warm breath on his neck and back, but that's only because he's keeping his enemies closer than his friends. Tyson must have been so mad when Jon Heder came along and stole his thunder.
Stephen and J.T. talk. Stephen has told J.T. about the Exile alliance, and says he's willing to go with Douche, Tyson, and Debbie now if J.T. promises to turn on the other three when the time comes. He can turn on them all he wants, but it won't change the fact that there are three of them and only two of J.T. and Stephen. Tyson walks up and talks to them about beans for dinner before the whispers start. They've got five people in their alliance, so they need one more to assure they've got the majority. Tyson thinks he'll be able to convince Erinn to vote with them. He walks off, and Stephen just looks at Tyson and says "what a mess."
Stephen and J.T. come back, and Brendan says something about how they're all done with their "awkward conversations," in that smug way that says Brendan absolutely believes that there's no way someone from Jalapeño isn't going home tonight. J.T. proposes a fishing expedition before Tribal and heads out to do that. Brendan suddenly interviews that he's aware that he could be in trouble with his old tribe if they sense that something is going on with Taj, Stephen, him and Sierra, but since there is nothing going on between them since he's too stupid to even give Taj a wink that she's safe, that's probably not a problem. Even so, Brendan says he has the immunity idol and he'll play it tonight if he thinks he has to. Except that's what they all say, and then no one ever actually plays it before he's voted out.
Sierra and Brendan eat while Taj and Stephen sit in the shelter. Once again, they have every opportunity to talk about the alliance, and once again, they don't. Instead, Stephen asks Taj if she'd be willing to vote Brendan out tonight. Without giving anything away, he says he thinks he can convince some members of Tempura to vote for Brendan, noting that J.T. and Douche have become very close lately. Taj says if Stephen can pull it off, she'll vote however he wants her to. She's given Brendan and Sierra two days to talk to her about the alliance and they haven't said a thing, so she doesn't feel very secure in their alliance anymore at all. She'd rather see Brendan go than someone from Jalapeño. With that, Tyson pokes his head in the shelter and comments on how white Taj's teeth are. It turns out that Tyson and Taj both bleach their teeth. EXCITEMENT!
Douche and J.T. talk again. J.T. says Douche can trust him. Douche says that when J.T. and Stephen walked away, the Tempurans decided to vote J.T. out. He does not say that Tyson basically spearheaded that vote, but whatever. It won't happen, Douche says, because J.T. and Douche are fellow warriors. Douche then tells J.T. not to screw him over because he's screwing over his whole tribe with this move. Except that he isn't, since it's pretty freaking obvious at this point that Joe isn't coming back and there won't be a Tribal Council. If there was, we wouldn't be seeing all of this one-sided pre-Tribal plotting.
J.T. goes to Stephen and tells him that Sierra and Brendan are voting for him tonight, according to Douche. Stephen is shocked, then realizes that if Brendan thinks J.T. is going home, he won't play his idol. But if he does play it, J.T. will be going home instead. So they'll just have to think up some kind of back-up plan. Stephen interviews that the plan now is for four or five people to vote for Brendan and the rest to vote for Sierra. So if Brendan does play the idol, Sierra will go home and not J.T. Stephen tells Tyson the plan and Tyson agrees. He goes to tell Douche. Douche also agrees, then interviews that if all goes according to his plan at Tribal Council tonight, the old Tempura's foundations will be shaken. Except that it totally wasn't his plan at all, but I'm sure in Douche's mind, it was. He thought of it while he was hunting for dragons and everyone was talking about how great he is.
Douche returns to camp and complains that the fish weren't biting and he doesn't have the patience to "sit around holding a rod in my hand without anything working," although I have a feeling that happens to him a lot. Douche is so pleased with his double entendre that he makes sure to check in with Debbie that it didn't go over her head. Douche then interviews about how awesome he is for "orchestrating" the big move at Tribal tonight. Not only will he be able to vote out weak people and keep the strong, but he'll also vote out one of the strongest and most manipulative people in the game. Douche is now not even waiting for the sentence to contradict himself. Amazing. Douche calls himself The Dragon Slayer, although I'm not sure if aligning with members of a minority tribe is cutting the head off a dragon or cutting your nose off to spite your face. "I feel BRILLIANT!" he cries. Cut to lightning crashing. LOL.
LOL x2, as we see that Joe's injury has forced Probst to come out to Camp Tempura in the rain. He doesn't have his hat on! All his hair dye is going to run! Everyone "uh ohs" at the sight of Probst, as well they should. Although I guess these "uh ohs" are because if Probst is coming to camp, then Joe must be out of the game. Taj greets Probst with applause for coming out here without an umbrella. Because rich people know what a sacrifice that is. "You're not Joe," Erinn says, shitting herself. Even though it's incredibly obvious what's going to happen , when Probst says that Joe cannot continue in the game, Stephen is still shocked. Probst continues that Joe is being helicoptered away to a hospital, etc., etc. And what that means for Forza is no Tribal Council tonight. Taj immediately breaks out into cheers because she never liked Joe anyway. "Good news, bad news!" Probst shrugs. Taj then remembers to be polite and asks Probst to tell Joe that they love him. Well, that was anti-climatic. I mean, I guess I'm happy that Brendan won't go home tonight, although I'm not sure how much I really like him since he's ignoring Taj and being kind of dumb and complacent.
Tyson interviews that he's not happy about this development, since a big part of the plan's success hinged on everyone keeping quiet, and that's not going to be easy with an extra three days. J.T. interviews that his trust in his new alliance is now so air-tight that he's looking forward to the Tribal Council. Douche then interviews that "The Dragon Slayer has to wait another day to taste blood." Not if you eat your own arm off, you don't! Think about it.
We get to see Joe one more time, even though I'd already forgotten he existed. So boring. The helicopter lands and he's made to limp over to it on his deadly leg infection that was so bad he couldn't even stay in this game another day or even say good-bye to his tribemates. He says the game is "cool" but not cool enough to lose a leg or die. A boring episode with a boring non-elimination of a boring contestant.
You can read more from Sara Morrison at L.A.me, which she occasionally updates when she has something to complain about. Or you can email her at saramorrison@gmail.com.