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As it turns out, we only really get one Douche moment all episode, which is fortunate. Unfortunately, that's because Jalapeño continues to implode and loses both challenges. Douche ruins his entire tribe's dinner by deciding that he doesn't like his beans al dente. He adds dirty water to the pot, forcing them to have to cook the beans longer so that the new water will be sterile. While they're waiting, it starts to rain and everyone, including Douche, goes under the shelter. The beans are way overcooked, burn, and most of them stick to the side of the pot inedible.
Over at Jalapeño, Taj thinks she can trust J.T. enough to show him the idol, but Stephen would rather she didn't to preserve his position as the conduit between Taj and J.T., which is really smart. When Joe is sent to Exile and picks Erinn to go with him, Taj figures out that he'll probably come back looking for the immunity idol and decides to make a fake one. Then she puts the real idol out in plain sight, and J.T. sees it. Stephen continues to play very smart and says that he knew about the idol because Taj just showed it to him, then tells Taj to show the idol to J.T. because he's already seen it and now he'll think that she was planning to show him anyway. She does, and J.T.'s trust in Taj is saved … until the tribe loses the immunity challenge and J.T. starts to wonder if they shouldn't vote Taj out so that he and Stephen can get the idol for themselves, as it's now back in Stephen's possession.
Meanwhile, Joe has found the fake idol, fallen for it, and is determined to keep Sydney in the game because she's hot. At Tribal Council, no one plays an idol, be it fake or real, and just when it looks like J.T. and Stephen have screwed Taj over after all, Sydney gets their votes and leaves the game, leaving Joe with only his boring self and a fake idol for company and Jalapeño as the minority tribe going into the merge.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!It's been a while, but we've finally got a new episode of Survivor. Probst recaps the season so far for those of us with short (or in this case, long) term memory loss and then we go to Camp Jalapeño, where the tribe is returning from voting Spencer out. Everyone is sad he's gone except for J.T., who's glad because he hated Spencer for being gay. Just kidding! That's just what Spencer was afraid was going to happen. Instead, he concealed his homosexuality and his version of a straight man was so boring and useless that he went home anyway. That's what you get for taking a cue from Joe. J.T. is upset that his tribe has lost the chance for a merge numbers advantage, and the best they can hope for now is to go in with even teams. If they lose another immunity challenge, he says, "it's gonna be another tough one." Except that he just said that the last vote wasn't tough at all.
Morning dawns, and Sydney is worried about her chances of staying if her tribe loses another immunity challenge. Joe tells her she has nothing to worry about -- Taj will be the to go because Sydney is hotter people trust Sydney more. Sydney tells us that she's still worried because she sees the men sticking together and voting out her or Taj . She then claims that Joe is "really awesome in challenges," which I have yet to see. Looking very sure of himself, Joe tells Sydney that she's going to the merge. Joe interviews that he thinks J.T. and Stephen trust Sydney more than they do Taj, and clearly he's confusing sexual attraction with trust. Because let's be honest, the only reason why Joe has any interest in keeping Sydney around over Taj is because he thinks she's hot. Well, that and the fact that Taj yelled at him once. And also voted for him over Sandy. "She's gorgeous, so she's safe," Joe says of Sydney. Great gameplay, there, Mr. Boring.
We go to Tempura, where the wind is blowing and Douche is totally posing with his chest out and his hair flowing in the breeze. This is Survivor, Douche, not Cheesy 80s Album Covers. Which isn't a show, but totally should be. The tribe is cooking beans, and when Brendan announces that they're ready to eat, Douche picks up a pot of water and dumps it in the bean pot. Debbie is not pleased, and interviews that Douche likes his beans softer than everyone else, so he poured "dirty river water" into the pot so that they would be forced to cook the beans longer so that the new water would boil and become sterile. And just why can't Douche just let everyone eat their share and then cook his own portion for longer if it's that important to him? Because he's trying to teach them a valuable lesson about patience. Douche tells us that his tribe eats the beans too early because they can't wait a few more minutes for them to cook longer and, according to Douche, taste better. Is he aware that other people might just like firmer beans and it has nothing to do with patience? Like, I happen to like my pasta overcooked and mushy, but I'm also aware that others want it al dente. So when I cook pasta for people, I don't assume they're all exactly like me and the only way to eat pasta is my way. I ask how they like their pasta, and then cook it according to their wishes. But I have a feeling that Douche doesn't host very many dinner parties, so perhaps this is an etiquette trick he hasn't learned.
And then it rains. While hungry, bean-less Tempura people huddle under the shelter, Douche stays out in the rain, tending to the beans. If only he weren't the worst meteorologist ever, he would have known the rain was coming and thus how important it was to get the beans off the fire as soon as possible. Brendan proposes not letting Douche into the shelter until he finishes cooking their beans, and the tribe seems to agree with this plan. Brendan interviews that Douche made a selfish decision, which isn't exactly shocking. Then Douche heads into the shelter to wait out the storm and doesn't tend to the beans. And his tribemates allow him in even though they all said they wouldn't. "It's another one of those 'Coach Moments,'" Brendan says in his interview. Thanks to sped-up film, the storm soon clears, only to reveal a pot full of overcooked beans. It's pretty hilarious, actually. The ones they can eat taste bad, and the ones they can't eat are stuck to the bottom of the pot in a congealed burnt beany mess. While Debbie complains, Douche smiles. He does have the decency to say "oh my goodness," when Brendan shows him a chunk of charcoalized beans. Sierra interviews that she's had it with Douche. Not like she'll do anything about it. Even Tyson seems annoyed as he studies the pot and wonders if it'll even be possible to clean the stuck burnt beans out. Douche tries to claim that insufficient dishwashing is what led to all the bean build-up they're looking at now, to which Sierra gets pissy. Debbie rushes to Douche's defense, telling Sierra not to get mad. "No big deal," Douche says. Sierra says she's just frustrated, and Douche would be the same way if one of them did this to him. Douche makes a big production out of Sierra getting her real feelings off her chest because he knows it'll make it to the episode previews if he does.
Douche then interviews that everyone got all bent out of shape over some stupid beans. Nevermind that said beans are their only source of food, and that they only have a small bag of them left after Jalapeño took their other bag, so they really can't afford to waste them on ego trips. Douche chalks his asshole move up to a "bad combination" of weather and him wanting softer beans. I think it's more like a bad combination of Douche being a douche and everyone else in the tribe going along with it because they don't want to get voted out like Candace. Which is also why I refuse to feel sorry for them. If they really want properly cooked beans then they'll vote Douche out. Douche tells Sierra that he's happy she got a chance to say what was bothering her and he thanks her for her comments and takes "full responsibility" for the burnt beans. That's really magnanimous of him considering that it's entirely his fault. He asks everyone to forgive him with a tone of voice that suggests that he isn't sorry at all and thinks the fact that they're making him say it only reflects poorly on them. He then asks Sierra for special forgiveness, since she "seems to have the most angst about it." Sierra, for all her angst, has a productive suggestion that Douche make his beans in a separate pot from now on, so that he can cook them his way without ruining everyone else's dinner. Douche interviews that he will not make his beans in a separate pot and he can't believe everyone is making such a big deal out of something so trivial as their only source of food. With that, Douche announces that the bean subject is closed and it's water under the bridge. I'm pretty sure it's the person who has been wronged who gets to determine that, not the person who did the wronging. Brendan tells us that while Douche does stuff like this all the time, he wants to keep Douche around because he's a "predictable player. And predictable in this game is great" (for Brendan). I'm just hoping that now that Douche has screwed with the beans, the beans curse will come roaring back and remove him from this game for good.
Beans are cooking at Jalapeño as well, but since J.T.'s cooking them and he isn't an asshole, everyone is enjoying his bean lunch. I love how the editors never miss a chance to show how everyone can do everything better than Douche. J.T. interviews that he hopes his tribe likes him and that, as a country boy, he has a hard time being mean to anyone. He hopes both that he can get through this game without having to lie to anyone and that his tribemates are being as honest with him as he's been with them. Um ... has J.T. seen this show before? That never happens.
Stephen sits to Taj on the hammock. She says she wants to tell J.T. that she has the idol for some stupid reason. Stephen doesn't think this is a good idea because he's the only person on this show who's playing any kind of mental game with the possible exception of Brendan. He asks Taj what telling J.T. about the idol will accomplish. Taj thinks it'll prove to J.T. that she trusts him. Stephen thinks it'll make J.T. wary of her. Is it possible for J.T. to even be wary? Taj interviews that after J.T. voted for Spencer over her, she knew he was in her and Stephen's corner. She wants to show J.T. that she's in his as well. Stephen interviews that he wants Taj to keep the idol quiet because then he'll still have a crucial role as the point person between Taj and J.T. If J.T. and Taj connect, then Stephen's role in their alliance becomes much less essential. Wow, I think Stephen is playing this game really intelligently. Low-key intelligently, too. Like, he just says things that are smart and observant and make a lot of sense without bragging about how awesome he is like so-called "master strategists" on this show usually do. Taj interviews that her true loyalties lie with her four-person Exile alliance. She only wants to get J.T. on her side to help ensure that she makes it to the merge. On the hammock, Stephen worries that Taj will tell J.T. about the Exile alliance, and Taj makes it clear that she will not. With that, she asks Stephen if he's sure that he doesn't want to "bring J.T. in." "I'm not sure at all!" Stephen says, conveniently leaving the decision to Taj while still convincing her to do what's best for him.
Reward challenge time! Sierra is still looking pissed about the beans as Tempura enters the playing field. They seem surprised to see Spencer gone from Jalapeño. Erinn looks happy, but I think that's just her automatic reaction to finding out that someone who isn't her has been voted out of the game. Probst explains the challenge: there are two big wooden frames for each team. Tribes will get five minutes to build a barricade out of logs and rope inside the other team's frame. Then they'll have ten minutes to throw ceramic pigs (why ceramic pigs? Was there a fire sale on piggy banks at the Tokingteens Big Lots! or something?) through those frames and to each other in a line. If a pig is dropped or shatters by hitting the barricade and letting out a tremendous glass breaking sound effect, it will not count. The team that passes the most pigs through the course when time runs out wins a barbecue lunch at a beautiful waterfall. Even better, it doesn't appear to be sponsored by anyone except Mother Nature. They also get to send a member of the losing tribe to Exile, who in turn gets to choose a member of the winning team to join him or her and miss out on the reward. With that, Tempura sits out Erinn and the challenge begins.
For the first part, the teams have to build their barricades. Brendan seems to take the lead for Tempura while J.T. does so for Jalapeño. The tribes observe each other's progress and copy each other, and then there's a cheesy barricade-building montage that takes us to the end of the first round. For the second round, we've got Taj throwing to Joe, who throws through a barricade to J.T., who throws through a barricade to Sydney, who throws to Stephen. On Tempura, Debbie is throwing to Brendan, who throws through the barricade to Tyson, who throws through the barricade to Douche, who throws to Sierra. Probst says go, and Joe's first throw hits the frame and shatters in J.T.'s face. This looks ridiculously dangerous. What a terrible idea. Tyson's throw to Douche also breaks, leaving him trying to catch pointy pig shards. On second thought, maybe this is a great idea after all. J.T. manages to get a pig through the second barricade, only for Sydney to drop it. Tempura, meanwhile, gets a pig through for the first point of the game. Sydney drops another pig, and while it's easy to blame her for Jalapeño falling behind, J.T. isn't exactly giving her easy throws and that ceramic pig can't be easy or comfortable to catch. Meanwhile, Tempura gets two more points.
Jalapeño gets its first point, while Tempura gets a fourth point although Douche takes a ceramic pig to the sternum to do so. He makes sure that everyone knows about his noble sacrifice through loud cries of pain and agony. Sydney also takes a pig to the chest, but chooses to suffer in silence. She may be boring and kind of dumb, but at least she's not obnoxious. Soon, both tribes are getting pigs through regularly, but Tempura still has a few points over Jalapeño. Until Tyson breaks two pigs and Brendan breaks one. Jalapeño's pigs stay intact, and the score is now tied. Douche drops a pig (ha ha!) and now Jalapeño is ahead! Hooray! The bean curse is back! Then Tyson breaks another pig and it looks like Jalapeño will win this for sure. But Tyson recovers and gets a few more pigs through while Joe falters and breaks a pig. And then another pig. But he's so strong in challenges, right, Syd? It's enough for Tempura to take the lead back with just a minute left in the challenge. But Jalapeño is right on their heels ... until Joe breaks yet another pig. Clearly, people are starting to panic as time runs out, as both Tyson and J.T. break a pig each. As the time ticks down, J.T. breaks another pig while Tyson gets one through to Douche, who holds it aloft and yells out "we got it. YOU BETCHA!" before tossing it to Sierra as the time runs out. Probst proclaims Tempura the winners, and they celebrate, with the young ladies going to hug Brendan and Debbie jumping on Douche. No one hugs Tyson, most likely because he's weird.
Probst gets the teams together again and asks who Tempura is sending to Exile. Taj interviews that the Exile Alliance is in place and has both idols, so they don't need to go to Exile this time. Brendan reads her mind and picks Joe. Now Joe has to pick someone on Tempura to join him. I think he should pick Douche for all his victory gloating, but he picks Erinn, much to Brendan's obvious relief. Joe interviews that he picked Erinn for strategic purposes, hoping he can convince her to flip to Jalapeño's side after the merge. Is that thing where you can switch tribes after Exile still in effect? Because if she picks the urn then she might be flipping to Jalapeño faster than Joe expected. And I don't know how disposed to aligning with Joe Erinn will be after he's taken her away from a food reward. And while Erinn is clearly the most likely candidate to betray Tempura, that's not why Joe picked her. He picked her because he's banking on his charm strategy to lure her in. In all this hubbub over Douche being a self-deluded narcissist of epic proportions, I guess I didn't realize that Joe thinks highly of himself for no good reason as well. And as disappointed as I am that Douche didn't get picked to go to Exile, I guess if I were in Joe's shoes, I wouldn't want to spend alone time with Douche either. As the tribes go their separate ways, J.T. gives us the post-challenge wrap-up that it sucks to lose this challenge, but his main concern is the immunity challenge.
Tempura enjoys their reward. I'd enjoy it too, if Douche weren't there. He insists on a high-five from Brendan, who looks like he's considering leaving Douche hanging before finally obliging him. Brendan then interviews that they got an "all-American picnic," although those beverages aren't looking all that all-American to me. Unless I just haven't been to the part of the country that sells MUND brand soda. Meanwhile, in true all-American style, Tyson says he's going to eat so much he pukes, and then eat some more. The tribemates eat their burgers, and Brendan says the first bite was "heaven." Debbie says their manners (if any of them had any to begin with, which looking at Tyson and Douche I kinda doubt) flew out the window as they ate their food like animals. Or like starving people. The contestants probably don't wait a half hour after eating before they swim in the waterfall/lagoon area. I sure do hope Douche doesn't get a cramp and drown or anything! They've been provided with floats and towels, and while Tyson and Brendan manage to jump in the water and stay on their rafts, the editors make sure we watch as Douche goes flying off of his and lands in the water face-first like an asshole. Debbie and Tyson do what appear to be very dangerous dives into the shallow water. Douche interviews that a "small part" of him feels bad for Erinn for missing this. Since he's pretty much all small parts, though, that's not saying much. The rest of him, he continues, is glad she isn't there because she's lucky to even still be in the game and he likes everyone else in Tempura better than her.
Speaking of Erinn, let's see what Exile is like for two people who have never been there before. Joe turns on the "charm" by offering to let Erinn pick between the two urns. He immediately and obviously regrets that decision when she picks the urn with the message in it. Erinn and her ass blur head off to read the clue alone. She interviews that the clue basically told her where the idol is, and it's not on Exile. If there's an idol at her camp, she cleverly deduces, there's one at Joe's camp, too. Now she just has to figure out if she can trust Joe enough to tell him about it. Since she has no alliances out here yet, she's thinking it might be a good idea to start making some friends. I want to know what happened to the offer to switch tribes? Is that not happening anymore? Lame. Joe and Erinn talk about their tribes. While Erinn plays coy when asked who her favorite person back at Tempura is (because the answer is "no one"), Joe says his favorite person is J.T. Now that he's charmed Erinn some more, he very subtlely asks if she needs any help figuring out her idol clues. "Maybe we can work on them together or somethin'," he says. How can Erinn resist. Joe interviews that he doesn't know where the idol is and he's pretty sure that Erinn does, so he's hoping to somehow get the information from her. Finally, he says something about how there must be an idol at Exile somewhere, and Erinn says "there's more than one." Joe immediately says she'll just get both of them, then. He is so charming. "They're not here," Erinn says. Clever Joe figures out that the idols must be at their camps. Since, you know, they can't really be anywhere else unless the producers have decided to see what happens when the idols are hidden at Tribal Council or in the middle of challenge playing fields. Erinn shares the clues with Joe, the latest one being "lift up treemail's skirt and look up its asshole." The actual clue used different words, but it's the same meaning. Joe expresses his gratitude to Erinn with a very charming one-arm hug that she totally tries to get away from. Joe interviews that he and Erinn can have a "humongous alliance" if they both get an idol. Has it not occurred to him that everyone else who's been to Exile has not only gotten the idol already, but has also figured out the cross-tribe alliance angle?
Over at Jalapeño, Stephen and Taj figure out that Joe will know exactly where to find the idol when he returns from Exile, so either he'll find nothing and know that Taj or Stephen already have it, or he'll find a fake idol and think it's real. Stephen says he has some fake idol-making supplies stored up, such as "some feathers" and "some leather straps." So it's either make a fake idol or look awesome at the upcoming Carnival. Taj interviews what we just saw her and Stephen talk about, and then goes to the shelter to take the real idol from Stephen's pants pocket to use as a guide for the fake one. Stephen, of course, does not look pleased that he's lost possession of his precious idol.
Taj uses all kinds of beads and string and feathers to create her fake idol (it looks okay, but after seeing what Bob could do last season, I just can't be impressed). She hides it in the treemail's asshole while talking to herself (which I'm sure is not for the benefit of the cameras at all) that she has to go hide the real idol now. She stuffs it in a burlap bag in the shelter. She walks away, and J.T. and Stephen walk up looking for fishing supplies. Meanwhile, Sydney is sleeping in the hammock, oblivious and boring. J.T. immediately finds the idol while looking for fishing supplies. Like, within seconds of Taj putting it there, he found it. Taj could not have done a worse job of hiding that thing if she'd worn it as a freaking necklace. J.T. tells Stephen what he found, and now Stephen has to think quickly. "I know, it's right there!" he says. He tells J.T. that Taj only just showed it to him. J.T. wonders if Taj just found it. Stephen says he thinks so, and J.T. decides that the fact that Taj told Stephen quickly is a good thing and he can still trust her. So now J.T. thinks he's in a three-way alliance with Taj and Stephen and they've got an immunity idol, too.
Later on, Stephen gets a chance to talk to Taj. He tells her that they should tell J.T. about the idol now that he already knows about it. This seems silly until Stephen explains that if J.T. doesn't know that Taj knows that he saw the idol and she tells him about it, he'll think she meant to tell him about it all along and wasn't trying to hide it from him. Sure enough, as soon as Taj and J.T. are alone in the shelter, Taj shows J.T. the idol. He immediately says he already saw it, and Taj is all like, "did you? But how?" as if she'd made the slightest bit of effort in hiding it. J.T. admires the idol for a while. Taj says it isn't just her idol -- if J.T. or Stephen need it, it's theirs to use. Completely fooled, J.T. thinks Taj was planning on showing him the idol all along and he hopes she'll keep her promise to give it to him if he needs it. Stephen walks in as J.T. is suggesting that they hide the idol somewhere. He suggests putting it in his dress pants pocket as if that hasn't been where it's been for almost the entire game. The three agree to be loyal to each other until the end of the game, because those alliances always work out. J.T. walks away from that thinking he's got a tight alliance and that Taj was honest with him almost the entire time and Stephen's been honest with him from the start. Well played, Stephen.
Immunity challenge time! The tribes arrive and Erinn and Joe are brought in. Tempura pretends to be happy to see Erinn and give her an awkwardly insincere group hug. Probst explains the challenge: each group will have a slingshot they must use to break a tile. When the tile breaks, a whole bunch of sand dumps out, causing another tile to be revealed and a bag of puzzle pieces to fall. When all three bags have been collected from all three broken tiles, two players per tribe will be charged with solving the puzzle, which involves putting a bunch of wound-up snake pieces on a board. Debbie sits out for Tempura, and we begin.
Shooting first for Jalapeño is J.T., who has no doubt spent most of his idyllic Alabama childhood doing exactly this. Tyson is shooting for Tempura. Probst says that they can shoot for the entire game or take turns with other teammates. That seems unfair; I'd rather see everyone take turns shooting. Probst says go, and Tyson is the first to break a tile. He does an annoying victory shrug while he waits for the sand to run out and release the bag and the tile. He grabs the bag and brings it to the game board while Douche cheers him on, saying "all you, all you!" because Douche is determined to make it through this entire game without participating in any challenges. J.T. breaks his first tile, and hands the first bag off to Joe and says he's going to keep shooting. His second tile has only been partially revealed when he gets a hit on it. Tyson's tile is fully revealed when he shatters it, but J.T.'s puzzle bag swings down first with Tyson's not far behind. And then things go a bit wrong for Jalapeño. Because J.T. didn't break his first two tiles definitively like Tyson did his (only chipping corners away as opposed to shattering the entire tile), the sand is much slower to leak out of his second tile and so the third tile is much slower to be revealed. That means that J.T. only has the top third of his tile to shoot at while Tyson has his entire target. J.T. does manage to nick the corner a few times, but sand only dribbles out as Tyson nails his last tile. While he grabs the last puzzle bag for Tempura, Joe asks J.T. if he wants to let someone else try. J.T. does not. "I'll come over and do it if you want," Tyson offers so obnoxiously. While Sierra laughs loudly at this, Douche actually has the decency to just smirk silently. I can't believe I just wrote that.
Erinn and Brendan work on the puzzle for Tempura. Meanwhile, J.T. finally gets a slightly larger piece of corner broken off his tile, and it's enough to release the last bag. Joe and Stephen work on the puzzle, but Brendan and Erinn have had a good head start. They solve it first, and Tempura wins again. This is devastating news for me, because it means that Douche can't be voted out and he'll almost definitely make the merge and the jury. NOOOOO!!!! J.T. takes the blame for Jalapeño, but Taj tells him not to beat himself up. Whatever. Just to rub things in, Probst asks Douche how it feels to know there's no chance he's going home tonight. Douche says it feels great and it's a pivotal win because now Tempura is going into the merge with a numbers advantage. UGH. For the post challenge wrap-up, Sydney says going to Tribal Council is not a good thing (duh), and while Joe told her she's safe, she can't be 100% sure of that. "It really just sucks," she concludes. Thanks, Sydney, for your valuable insight. By the way, as much as I wanted Jalapeño to win this challenge, I pretty much knew they didn't when the stuff in last week's previews about J.T. thinking of screwing over Taj hadn't happened yet when the challenge started. Since we almost always only see the losing tribe after the immunity challenge, that pretty much meant that Jalapeño lost. Thanks for spoiling me, CBS. You're almost as bad as the Sprint Player of the Week.
We go back to Camp Jalapeño, where everyone is looking pretty down, seeing as how all of their hopes for an easy run to the Final Three/Two have been dashed. J.T. assumes the blame for the loss, and the rest of the tribe is quick to tell him it's not his fault, etc. Stephen says J.T. gives his all in every challenge. It didn't work out this time, but it has other times. Not in a while, it hasn't. And I don't hear Joe saying anything about this, most likely because he sees the value in keeping "I told you so" to himself. Also, he has a nasty infected leg wound. Taj informs him that it "looks bad" as if he thought red infection streaks all over his leg were a good thing. We get a nice shot of the wound (which looks small, but that doesn't really matter in this environment) with a bug crawling on it, and once again I am thankful that I don't have HDTV. Joe says he "nicked" his leg a few days ago. Possibly in the last immunity challenge when he said he hurt his knee? Joe stupidly thinks his bright red leg with bugs crawling all over it will be better tomorrow.
With that, he tells the tribe about his time on Exile. He tells the truth that he picked the wrong urn, and I have to think that every single person who has come back to Jalapeño from Exile has said the exact same thing -- that the person from Tempura got the urn with the clue in it and told him or her nothing. Joe then lies that when he tried to "juice" Erinn to show him the clue, she wouldn't budge. How is juice a verb here? Does he mean he tried to extract juice from her or injected her with steroids? Because that's the only way juice is a verb as far as I know. Stephen, of course, pokes as many holes as possible in Joe's story and leaves him with an insincere "wow, that's weird!" Joe then heads off to get some water by himself, and absolutely no one is fooled. They give him three seconds to run off to treemail before they burst out laughing at the obviousness of it all. I'm guessing Sydney is off sleeping in a hammock somewhere again, because we don't see her and she'd be wondering what was going on if she was there. Most likely, she's doing something awesome that's been edited out so that we don't confuse the audience by developing more than a few contestant personalities. Joe finds the fake idol and assumes it's real. He interviews that he's stoked and relieved to have it. Again, I can't believe it didn't occur to him that Taj and Stephen would have to be morons not to have found the idol already with the clues he saw they were provided.
Later on, Taj goes off by herself, leaving the rest of the tribe with an opportunity to discuss voting her out. Joe's the first person to speak up about it, of course. Sydney agrees with him, because she'd rather Taj went than her, and Stephen says he's fine with voting Taj out tonight. J.T. is noticeably silent. Sydney interviews that they're voting for Taj tonight "and that's that." She thinks Taj has an idea that she's going home tonight, but is too good of a person to talk about other people to try to save herself. That's the kind of thing you say about someone you feel sorry for because you're sure she's going home tonight. Meanwhile, Taj interviews that she has no doubt that she isn't going home tonight, as she's secure in her alliance with J.T. and Stephen and their trust in her. She also has an idol, not like she'll ever use it. She's only had it back in her possession once since finding it, only for it to be discovered like ten seconds later.
Stephen and J.T. are talking. J.T. is bummed that Jalapeño will be down in numbers going into a merge. Stephen says that's all the more reason to keep Taj in the game. He's voting for Sydney tonight. J.T. interviews that he has a tight alliance with Stephen and Taj, and that since Taj has the idol and has said he can use it, if he voted her out tonight that'd be like throwing away his idol. Joe is a problem, though, because if they tell him they're voting Sydney out over Taj, he'll want to know why. And if Taj gets her hands on the immunity idol ever again, he'll probably find it and figure it all out for himself, so whatever.
Joe goes for a swim looking like a man with absolutely nothing to worry about. Stephen's there too, and takes this opportunity while Sydney is off picking her nose in a bush to try to convince him to vote her out tonight. He cleverly points out that they're going into a merge down two people, and so will need someone on their side who has contacts at Tempura. Someone like Taj. The gears turn very slowly in Joe's head. "Cause she's been so long on Exile?" he asks. Stephen takes the time to explain that Taj has had five days of one-on-one time with Brendan and Sierra. J.T., meanwhile, is also at the lake but says nothing. Joe interviews that J.T. and Stephen "have this crazy look in their eye about keeping Taj." Yes, because we always look insane when we're presenting well thought-out arguments that happen to disagree with yours. Joe still wants to vote Taj out, saying he already told Sydney she was going to the merge. Well, that was dumb. And dumb to advertise to Stephen and J.T. because it just shows them that you have a tight alliance with Sydney and that's all the more reason for her to go ASAP. "Think on it, dude," J.T. advises. With that, they leave the lake and Joe interviews that they did not come to a group decision, so he'll use the idol to keep Sydney "to make a point." That point being that Joe cares more about keeping a sort-of model around than he does winning a million dollars.
After a particularly terrifying shot of ball of baby spiders, Stephen and J.T. are still undecided on tonight's vote. J.T. is worried that Taj will use her idol if she thinks she's in danger tonight. And even if she doesn't use it, it will leave the game with her if she's voted out. "That's not true," Stephen says. A small lightbulb turns on above J.T.'s head as he realizes that the idol only belongs to whoever has possession of it, and currently that's Stephen. Well, it's really Stephen's pants, but I guess they're not playing. If Stephen and J.T. vote Taj out tonight, then they'll only have to share the idol between themselves. They think about that, and J.T. interviews what we just saw, that he and Stephen can vote Taj out and take the idol for themselves. "I have no idea what I'm doing ... I'm probably gonna decide when I get there," he says. Maybe he is, but Stephen knows that Brendan and Sierra are counting on Taj making it to the merge with the idol, and he'll be the first person to go if she's voted out. There's no way he can vote Taj out ... right?
Jalapeño arrives at Tribal, and Probst calls on J.T. to tell him the "state of affairs" at Jalapeño. The only reason why Probst isn't laying into Jalapeño for losing hard these last couple weeks is because their leader is a strong alpha male, which Probst thinks is as it should be. J.T. says the state of affairs is that they're about to head into a merge with four people to Tempura's six. Probst asks Stephen if the tribe talks a lot about a possible merge, and Stephen says that they do since it's more than likely about to happen and they'll have to scramble to overcome Tempura's numbers advantage. Probst turns to Joe, because it's not like we should hear what the women have to say or anything, and asks if tonight's vote is being cast with the merge in mind. Joe says it's based on trust. He wants to go into the merge with someone who can share information with him and he can share information with, and it won't be spread around to others. Again, that sounds like the kind of person that anyone who isn't Joe would want to get rid of.
Probst finally turns to Taj and asks if her time on Exile has hurt her in this game, spelling out that she hasn't had a chance to bond with her tribe and has had a chance to find the idol. Taj says there's not much she can do about going to Exile over and over again. Probst sucks out loud at math as he asks Taj what she'll do to help "these other four people" if Jalapeño goes into a merge. It'll be three other people, Probst. Idiot. Taj says she's had a chance to form bonds with people on Tempura, and that can help her entire tribe if she can talk Brendan and/or Sierra into flipping and joining Jalapeño. Probst immediately points out that Taj's relationships with Tempura don't necessarily benefit the rest of her tribe and asks J.T. what he thinks of that. J.T. says he worries about her flipping over to Tempura.
Probst asks Sydney what she can bring to Jalapeño in the event of a merge. Sydney cleverly plays up the fact that she hasn't been to Exile "with a bunch of people from the other tribe," so her tribe can know that she is loyal to them. She just took Taj's strength and tried her best to make it look like a weakness. Nice. Probst tells Joe that Tempura has options going into this merge and Jalapeño does not. That's not a question, but Joe answers that he thinks that makes it especially important that the four people on Jalapeño who go into the merge are loyal to each other and trustworthy. While Joe is ready to vote, J.T. says he's had questions going through his mind all afternoon and still does. He points out that he was the one who lost the challenge today, but someone else is going home. If he thinks that's so unfair, though, he can always tell the tribe to vote for him. But he didn't. With that, it's time to vote.
Joe votes for Taj, claiming it is "not an easy decision." Except that it was, so whatever. Taj votes for Sydney. Stephen and J.T. had better not be weasels and vote Taj out to steal her idol. I would be so pissed. Although if the situation was exactly the same but Douche was the one who got voted out, I'd be beyond happy. Am I a hypocrite? While Probst tallies the votes, Sydney and Joe lean on each other. Try not to make things too obvious there, guys. Also, editors, please refrain from putting them both on my screen at the same time, as it means there is less room for scenery, which I always focus on instead because if I stare too long at Joe or Sydney I tend to fall asleep.
Probst returns and asks if anyone wants to play his immunity idol. Both Joe and Taj stay seated. First vote is for Sydney. Second vote is for Taj. Third vote is for Taj, but I'm not too worried yet because surely if all the remaining votes were for Taj they wouldn't have blown their suspense load by reading the Sydney vote first. Right? RIGHT??
Right. The vote is for Sydney. If J.T. and Stephen voted for the same person, she's out. With two votes each for Sydney and Taj, Probst reads the final vote. It's for Sydney! Strategy beats model looks! Joe and his enormous boring forehead are not amused. J.T. isn't either, but that might be because I think Sydney is leaving with his boxer shorts. As Sydney walks away, Stephen puts his hand on Taj's shoulder. For all the scheming he seemed to do this episode, I think he had her back the whole time.
You can read more from Sara Morrison at L.A.me, which she occasionally updates when she has something to complain about. Or you can email her at saramorrison@gmail.com.
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