In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close. With the loss of Jonathan and tons of rain forcing them to sleep in the creepy cave, Airai's morale is pretty low. They end up losing the reward challenge, where tribes are blinded and made to wheel a huge form of Micronesian currency around a course while a tribemate leads them to tile boxes to roll over and break, giving them smaller money stones that are used to solve a puzzle. Cirie and Malakal get the lead despite Cirie's difficulty remembering that her right and left when facing her tribemates are the opposite of everyone else's. Malakal enjoys a trip to an island with a shower, shampoo, and muffins -- all except for Tracy, who is told to "take one for the team" and go to Exile Island with Jason from Airai. The reward gives Erik even more of a chance to fall in love with Ozzy, which Cirie takes note of, still smarting from a forced boat trip to the middle of the ocean when they all know she isn't comfortable swimming. I have no idea why you'd go on Survivor once, let alone twice, if you're afraid of swimming. Back at Airai, after another night in the cave Kathy decides she's had enough and cries, demands hugs, and then quits. It's not much of a loss, so no one really cares. The tribes report to the immunity challenge, and Malakal is shocked to see that the tribe numbers are even by sheer luck. They still suck at immunity challenges though, as despite an early lead gathering puzzle pieces by manually cranking them in from a dock, Eliza's mad puzzle skillz pull through for Airai once again and they win it. There's some interesting plotting on the Malakal beach going into tribal council, as Cirie wants to send a message to Ozzy and get rid of his little protégé Erik, while Ami tries to get Tracy and Erik to vote Ozzy out while telling Amanda and Cirie to vote for Erik and Ozzy to vote for Tracy. It would have been amazing if it had happened, but in the end everyone votes for Tracy, who casts a lone vote for Ozzy. Well, at least she tried, which is more than you can say for Kathy. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Well, it appears that I'll be your recapper from here on out, so let's get to it! The morning at Malakal, Tracy and Ami complain that the chickens aren't laying eggs and think they'd be better off roasting over an open fire. Ozzy childishly disagrees, then tells us that the chickens lay eggs every day and thus are a "renewable resource." "You want to take out a renewable resource? That makes no sense!" he cries. And yet, how many renewable resources has he voted out? And are the chickens even laying eggs? Cause Tracy and Ami just said they aren't. I don't know who to trust! I'm going to go with Tracy, because she points out that Ozzy's just waiting to kill the chickens when there are less people in the tribe to have to share them with. I'm going to laugh my ass off if Malakal ends up on the Airai beach for the merge and have to leave those three live, egg-hoarding chickens behind. Ozzy tells us that Tracy is trying to breed insecurity to save her own ass. "We don't need that," Ozzy says. I think he means "I don't need that." Because Tracy probably does. Well, what she really needs is an alliance with people who don't cry and quit, but it's too late for that. Tracy tells us that Ozzy catches and cooks the food and tells the tribe when they can eat. "Ozzy is gonna win this thing if we don't get him out of this game," Tracy says. Well, yes. That's how you win Survivor -- you don't get voted out. I guess Tracy really is a true "Fan."
It's raining over at Airai (although for some reason, it wasn't raining at Malakal...weird) and the contestants are stuck in a cave bitching and moaning. Except for James, who bitches and moans about their bitching and moaning. At least they're dry in the cave, he says. True, but the girls feel dirty and think the cave smells bad. Kathy and Alexis venture outside, and Kathy says "this is just the stupidest thing I ever did in my life," while Alexis repeatedly asks her if her face is dirty. Kathy is too busy thinking about Kathy to answer her, instead demanding a hug because she's "not a morning person." Whereas the rest of her tribe is up with the sun, singing and dancing the morning away, I'm sure. One of the girls begs the gods for some sunshine. I have to confess, I can't really tell any of the women on this tribe apart anymore. Except for Eliza, and that's only because she's the one winning all the challenges for them. Kathy tells us she misses her home, specifically, her "washer and dryer," "food," "daughter" and "husband." Probably in that order. She attempts to I Dream of Jeannie head-bob herself back home. Shockingly, it doesn't work and we cut away before we have to see her click her heels three times, wake up in her bed, and tell her washing machine that he was there, and her dryer that he was there, too.
Back at Malakal, the sun is shining and the birds are singing. How can two beaches have such different weather? Could it be...GLOBAL WARMING??? Erik watches Ozzy climb a tree and get coconuts while fun calypso music plays. Erik tells us that his man-crush on Ozzy has developed considerably, and he is now amazed by his every move. "I wanna learn, I wanna grow. I wanna go outside the small scope that I've lived in," he says. Are you sure you don't mean "scoop," Erik the Ice Cream Scooper? Erik then completely contradicts what he just said about how amazing Ozzy is by saying that everyone else thinks Ozzy is incredible but Erik is sure he can climb a palm tree, too. And he does while Ozzy watches and gives him lessons. Cirie says Ozzy and Erik are like Mufasa and Simba from The Lion King, which would explain the music we're getting in this segment. And while Erik certainly looks like a lion, does that make Cirie, Amanda, and Ami the hyenas? And Tracy as Scar? Cirie says that when Erik says Ozzy's name, it's like stardust comes out of his mouth. Erik manages to drop some coconuts on the beach while Ami and Cirie watch and make fun of their male bonding. "You got good nuts now!" Ozzy says. Heh heh heh, "nuts." Cirie concludes that if Ozzy proposed to Erik right now, it would be a "done deal." Except that Micronesia, like almost everywhere else in the world, doesn't allow same sex marriage.
King Ozzy proposes moving the fishing boat to the other side of the island, saying the fishing there is better. For some strange reason, Cirie was asked to help row the boat with Ozzy, Erik, and Amanda even though she's not a very good swimmer and therefore not comfortable in the water. Okay, come on now. I like you, Cirie, but how the hell can you justify going on Survivor not once, but TWICE, without taking a goddamn swimming lesson? Nine times out of ten, this show is on an ISLAND, with swimming competitions and everything! There is no excuse for this. When the boat gets pretty far out into the water, Ozzy decides to stop rowing and start fishing, despite Cirie's nervousness. "Nothing's gonna happen," Ozzy tells her condescendingly. He says he might find a "giant clam" that will feed them for the two weeks. Hmm...maybe the first day or so, but by day four, I wouldn't want to touch that clam. Gross. Cirie says Ozzy only cares about himself. "It won't happen again," she warns. Hakuna Matata.
And then there's another reward challenge, so Cirie's threat may every well come true sooner than even she thinks, as these reward challenges are kind of deadly. No one on Airai is surprised to see Chet gone, and Probst explains the challenge: the teams will roll a large Micronesian money stone around a course, running over tile boxes containing eight much smaller money stones. The rollers will be blindfolded and lead around by two seeing teammates. Once all eight money stones have been collected, three members of each team will have to fit them on a "rotating cog puzzle." Probst goes all poetic with the reward, telling everyone to close their eyes and pretend they're under a refreshing waterfall. Unbelievably, everyone closes his/her eyes. Maybe they think if they do what they're told, they'll get a special bonus reward. They don't. Probst continues that they'll get to wash their hair with the help of HERBAL ESSENCES shampoo and conditioner, which doesn't do James much good. But there are also snacks, so that's nice. Everyone agrees it's worth playing for, with Kathy especially emphatic in her response. Almost...insanely so. Natalie will sit the challenge out, and leading the team for Malakal will be Cirie and Tracy. Eliza and Kathy will be doing the honors for Airai. Cirie starts off on the wrong foot by forgetting that her left is the opposite of her teams' and leading them in the wrong direction. Tracy steps up and fixes the mistake, and Malakal gets their first tile box crushed and takes the lead. Malakal somehow keeps the lead despite Cirie's continued inability to tell her right from her left. Maybe it's because she's so loud and screamy while Eliza is cool, calm, and collected. Airai misses their third tile box and falls further behind. Jason whines about something, earning him a "shut up and listen" from James. Ha ha!
Malakal gets their money stones first, and Erik, Cirie, and Ozzy are the solvers. Airai isn't too far behind, with Eliza, Kathy, and James doing the puzzle for them. Probst rather annoyingly narrates that the pieces might look like they're right but still be wrong and the puzzle is "trial and error." James tries forcing a piece in with his fist. "Not making much progress," Probst informs them. Malakal, however, makes a lot -- and wins the reward. They hug and jump up and down in victory -- until Probst tells them one of them has to go to Exile Island and miss the reward. That really sucks. I mean, it really does. And then it sucks even more that Tracy ends up having to go to Exile Island, with Ozzy telling her to "take one for the team." She agrees to it, because she doesn't really have a choice. No one else on the team is going to volunteer to go to Exile Island, that's for sure. She'll be joined by Jason, and I hope Malakal can at least bring some shampoo and snacks back to camp for her. Although I doubt they'd even think to ask.
Malakal-minus-Tracy get to their reward spot, and Erik is overjoyed to see cookies among the snacks waiting for them. Ozzy tells us it was great that Erik finally got to experience a reward for the first time. Boy, I'll bet Tracy would've loved to see a reward for the first time, too. I really think Ozzy should have been the one to go to Exile Island, if only because he has the least hair and is therefore in the least amount of discomfort. Ultimately, though, no one should have had to give up the reward. Malakal won, the entire tribe participated in that win, and therefore the entire tribe should get to partake of the reward. Boo, Survivor! Ozzy says he's happy that they could win and "bring [Erik] in" to experience a reward. Um, I'm pretty sure Erik had just as much to do with the win as you did, Ozzy. So did Tracy. Ozzy is an asshole this week. Amanda and Ozzy head for the shower, and soon get Ami to join them. They all do their own versions of the Herbal Essences commercial and then things get a bit naughty, as Ami and Amanda remove their tops. Cirie and Erik look on, and Cirie is bemused while Erik is probably super-jealous. Of Ami and Amanda. Cirie says she looked over and saw a "couple pair of boobs and Ozzy's head smack dab in the middle." Now, why didn't that get the episode-title-quote treatment? Cirie says if you feel "free" to shower naked in front of people, then go right on ahead. "I just...wouldn't do it," she adds, raising her eyebrows. I do love her facial expressions, but I'll bet you that she's been naked in front of the cameras plenty of times. After a while, the contestants lose their modesty. And that's why I've seen Scout Cloud Lee naked. Many times.
It's raining and special-effect-lightning over at Airai, which means they, too, get a shower! Although it's probably not like what they wanted. Kathy tries to blame the editing for her misery, saying that when you watch Survivor at home, you only see it rain for thirty seconds. You don't see them standing in the rain for hours or trying to sleep in it. Except that I'm pretty sure you do, and even if you don't...did Kathy think that the storm clouds magically disappeared come nightfall? Did she think the show was like her golf course and when it rained everyone stops playing and goes inside to get warm and dry? She has no idea how lucky she is to at least have a dry cave to stay in! While the girls stay out of the rain, James goes out and gets them a clam to eat. Kathy complains that they had to eat it raw because they had no fire. "It's just savagery," Kathy says, as Eliza strikes a particularly Gollum-like pose. "It's like you're cavemen," Kathy says, "never in a million years would I switch to GEICO." Actually, she said "never in a million years would I do this twice." Hell, Kathy won't even do it once (SPOILER!!). Kathy says they had to seek refuge deep in the cave, where there are animals and bugs and stuff. A bat flies into Kathy's hair. You can't hear what he's saying because of the high-pitched frequency of a bat's calls but I believe it's "Quit! QUIITTT!!!! I will break you!" While the rest of her tribemates grin and bear it, Kathy again tells us this is stupidest thing she's ever done in her life. Somehow, I doubt that.
The day, Kathy is sitting on the boat looking pretty beaten. She asks James for a hug "to get [her] through the day." James obliges her, kindly saying it's all right and she's just having a bad day. When did James get so nice? Kathy's hatred of being on this show has made her slightly kooky, as she tells us she was trying to send vibes to her washer and dryer -- um, I mean, her daughter -- but she couldn't feel her. Some new agey music plays while she says this. Hee hee. The music people were on point this week!
Eliza, Parvati, Natalie, and Alexis just stare at Kathy while she breaks down into tears on the beach. They've probably been dealing with this for weeks now, so it's not like they're heartless. They just don't have anything left for Kathy anymore. And she has nothing left, either, except turning a noun into a verb; "I'm downward spiraling," she cries; "I can't be here one more minute." Parvati tells her to be one hundred percent sure she wants to quit. Kathy says she is. And she really does seem totally done and ready to go and I'm sure it's a lot easier watching the suffering on TV than going through it yourself, but...quitters suck. I hope she regretted this decision the minute she got to the Loser Lodge and took a shower, ate something, and hugged a washing machine. Her tribemates try to comfort her and convince her to stay, but there's no way. Not even Alexis can get through to Kathy, and she's a "motivational speaker." I guess she's not a very good one.
The U.S.S. QUITTER comes ashore. Probst jumps off of it and almost lands on his ass. Everyone's waiting for him on the beach, and he sits down to Kathy and asks her what's going on. She says she can't feel her family. Probst says she's had a really tough time out here, what with the Exile Islands and all, but now she's on a good team that's doing well, so the worst should be behind her. And then Probst apparently gives up on talking her into staying and tells her to be sure this is what she wants. Kathy says she was doing this show for her husband and her sister who apparently wants to live vicariously through her and TMI, Kathy. We don't need your whole life story here. Especially since you're quitting. Get outta here! But way to call out your sister on your way out. Thanksgiving won't be awkward this year, I'm sure. "Pass the yams, BITCH WHO CALLED ME OUT ON NATIONAL TV!" And then Kathy will try to pass the yams but the plate will be too heavy for her and she'll quit halfway through. Kathy says she wants to stay to help her tribe, as if she's any kind of help to anyone there except to compare oneself to, to feel better. Like, some days I'm sure Natalie thinks, "I'm invisible and have to sit every other challenge out" and feels bad, but then she can just look at Kathy and remember she's not the biggest loser on the team. Now she won't be able to do that. Oh well. Kathy says she's making a decision for herself for the first time. "Whatever, let's go," Probst doesn't say. He lies that she gave it her best and she's off. The tribe isn't too sad to see her go, really. Now they don't have to go through the bother of voting her out and hurting her feelings. James says the decision is up to Kathy and you can't fault her for it. Well, I can. And I will. James helps her to the boat and tells us he hopes she has a good trip. Probst leaves Airai by saying they're down to six even though they've won all the immunity challenges. The sun sets, and Alexis says that it's sad that Kathy quit, but the sun came out and they've got their fire back. Funny how the sun came out immediately after Kathy left. Maybe she has a permanent rain cloud over her head. That would explain why only Airai's beach was getting all the rain. "Survivor continues for the rest of us," Alexis says. This is the most we've seen her speak all season!
I hope Tracy and Jason are doing okay on Exile Island, since we won't be seeing them there. Back at Malakal, Cirie is all business, telling Amanda they got to see some of the "real" Ozzy today when he made them all go out in the boat. "I'm starting to see that," Amanda agrees, "he's kind of arrogant. He's kind of bothering me." It's kind of music to Cirie's ears. She says it was worth the scary boat ride if Amanda turns against Ozzy. Ami sits down with the two, and Amanda continues, saying she's not sure if everyone actually thinks Ozzy's all that or if they're just pretending. Cirie says Erik certainly thinks Ozzy's all that. She wants to vote Erik off , but she knows Ozzy won't go for it since he loves Erik for worshipping him. Amanda says they'll just have to make Ozzy think he's in control while they get the numbers to get rid of Erik. It's all a lot of talk until the final vote, though.
It's Immunity Challenge time, and Probst is thrilled to deliver the news twice that Kathy left the game; first to Malakal and then to the Exilees. Malakal is ridiculously shocked at Kathy's departure, with Cirie saying "Kathy?" probably not knowing who she even is and Ami screaming "WHAT?!?!" Meanwhile, Amanda is totally laughing her ass off. Jason and Tracy return from Exile Island, where all the cameras apparently broke and therefore no footage was taken, and Probst tells them about Kathy. Ami is just as shocked the second time around. Did she take surprise pills today or something?
For today's challenge, one member of each tribe will run across a floating bridge while carrying a piece of rope attached to a spool on the beach. At a platform, the contestant will clip the rope onto a set of puzzle pieces and then his tribemates on the beach will reel the pieces and the contestant in. Once all pieces are in, two tribe members will have to assemble them into an even square. Eliza and Ozzy go first, and Ozzy has a slight lead, easily running across the bridge while Erik cheers him on and everyone else probably rolls their eyes. While Ozzy and Eliza make it to the pieces at almost the same time, Malakal reels Ozzy in much faster as Eliza chooses to sit on the pieces and not help them off of the platform. Ozzy goes again for his team, and Jason goes for Airai. Even though Jason is a gymnast and you'd think be good at this kind of thing, he keeps falling into the water. Meanwhile, Ozzy graciously allows Erik to take a turn with the rope. While he's being reeled in, Parvati goes for her team. Erik gets back on the beach and Ozzy takes the rope from him. "Ozzy having no trouble on this bridge!" Probst announces; "Ozzy reaches the end of the platform quickly!" Is he being paid off or something? Shut up, Probst! Ozzy goes again while Parvati's boob falls out of her bikini. Ozzy's looking tired the fourth time around and has to drag himself onto the platform. Maybe he should have let his teammates take a turn running, eh? But no. Probst is sure to point out how slow Natalie is, which I'm sure she really appreciated, while Ozzy gets the final set of pieces on the beach and Amanda and Cirie take over solving the puzzle. Eliza gets the final set of pieces back to the beach and almost loses her bikini bottom. I really think I'd just wear a one-piece if I was on this show. Although maybe not, since I'd want to show off the flat stomach starvation got me. Hmm. Tough call. Eliza and Jason start solving the puzzle for their team. Erik cheers Cirie and Amanda on, apparently confusing them both for Ozzy. Apparently, the puzzle pieces are big and heavy, so Airai has an advantage by having Jason on the solving team. He's certainly not going to be much help with the solving. While Cirie and Amanda tire themselves out randomly shoving the pieces around, Eliza takes a second to look at the pieces individually and do some mental calculations. She and Jason quickly get it solved. Eliza just rocks the puzzle challenges. I really think she's been a big reason why Airai has done so well. It's about time brains was worth something on this show. Disgusted, Probst tells Malakal he'll be seeing them at tribal council for the third straight time.
Over at Malakal, Amanda and Cirie report to Ozzy for puzzle failure apologies. As Ami joins the group, Ozzy tells them it's okay since none of them will be going home for it. Maybe that's why Eliza is so awesome at these things -- she knows the second her team loses an immunity challenge, they'll vote her out. Maybe Ozzy should make the same threat to Cirie and Amanda time and light a fire under their asses. They ask which "Fan" to vote out. Of course, Ozzy says they "need" to keep Erik. Ami tells us she disagrees with this, as she can work "better" with Tracy than Erik and she knows that she's low on her alliance's totem pole. "Sometimes you have to pull the dirty cards to stay in the game," Ami smiles. Pull away, Ami.
Ami heads right for Tracy and tells her that Ozzy wants to vote her out and that it was his idea to send her to Exile Island. Tracy's like, "duh." Ami says the girls want to keep Tracy and get rid of Erik, so she has this rather brilliant plan to tell Amanda and Cirie to vote for Erik, Ozzy to vote for Tracy, and then Ami, Erik, and Tracy will vote for Ozzy. He'd never see it coming. The plan hinges on Erik voting out his most pwecious fwiend, so it's wather wisky. Ami, I hated you on Vanuatu, but if you can pull this off, I will have to bow down to your superiority.
Tracy approaches Erik and tells him she's voting for Ozzy and he should too, since he'll be the to go after Tracy. For some reason, Erik thinks that they'll have to get Amanda and Cirie to vote Ozzy out as well for the plan to work. I guess you don't need to be good at math to be an ice cream scooper. I wonder how many people asked for a triple scoop sundae and were pleasantly surprised to get five scoops for no extra charge. Erik continues that if he voted Ozzy out with Tracy and it didn't work, he'd be toast. Well, you're toast anyway so why not?
A symbolic spider weaves its web as Tracy and Ami approach Amanda and Cirie. Tracy says she'd like to stay in the game and that when it comes down to it, would they rather go against Tracy or Erik? Ami goes along with the act and says Tracy's plan seems wise and she'll vote for Erik -- "as long as you two say that that's good." Yes, Ami, yes! Make Amanda and Cirie think they have the control. Amanda and Cirie speak privately. Cirie says they're apparently voting for Erik tonight. Amanda says that seems like the best decision. Cirie says she's worried that Ozzy has something planned with Ami, Erik, and Tracy. Amanda tells us that if she wanted Erik out tonight, he'd be gone. But she's still not sure if she can turn against Ozzy. Ami and Tracy meet with the ladies again, and Amanda laughs nervously while Cirie makes funny faces. Oh, it's not looking good for Tracy. Ami tells us she's not sure if she should try to take Ozzy out or just stick with her alliance even though she's at the bottom of it. "Tonight's decision is a very big decision. It could change the game in a serious way," Ami says. Or it could be completely predictable and change nothing. We'll see!
Malakal arrives at Tribal Council to a very stern Probst, who tells them they're in "trouble" and only still in the game because Jonathan had to leave and Kathy is a wimp. He asks Tracy who is leading the tribe. "Ozzy," Tracy answers without hesitation. Ozzy laughs, but come on. He is. He knows he is. Tracy says Ozzy ordered her to go to Exile Island, tells everyone who will compete and how, and says what and when they'll eat. Although if that's such a big problem for Tracy she could always, you know, fish for food herself. As far as I can tell, Ozzy's the one providing everything. Ozzy says this is "ridiculous" and "doesn't make any sense." Cirie says she sees where Tracy is coming from. Ozzy might not be the official leader of the tribe, but it seems like everyone checks with him for almost everything they do. "There's a conflict going on. There's a conflict in this tribe," Erik says noncommittally as Cirie frowns. Erik says things need to get done in the tribe and Ozzy's the one who does them. If he was gone, they'd fall apart faster than they are right now. I'm not sure how much faster they could fall apart at this point. They've lost every immunity challenge. Probst asks Ami if the vote tonight will reflect short-term thinking -- voting out whoever is least useful in challenges -- or long-term thinking -- getting rid of competition. Ami says she always know who her strongest opponents are and to get rid of them "when it makes the most sense." Probst immediately asks Ozzy if this scares him. "Hell yeah, it does," Ozzy says. He knows people want him gone, even though they "need [him] to win challenges." And yet, he hasn't been all that much help, has he? Probst asks Tracy why her tribe should keep her tonight. She says she'll be much easier to go against when the tribes merge and less of threat than Ozzy to every single member of the tribe. "It's as simple as that. It's black and white. There's no gray," she says. There is a hidden immunity idol, but I don't remember what color it is.
With that, it's time to vote. Ozzy votes for Tracy, saying "you said you were honest and that's bull." Not sure what that means, but whatever. Tracy votes for Ozzy and includes what appears to be a drawing of a very angry face. "No hard feelings," she says. Then why the angry face? You know, she said she was honest and that's bull. Ami votes and returns to her seat. Tracy winks at her and gets my hopes up.
Probst tallies the votes and asks if anyone wants to play the immunity idol. Even though Ozzy claimed he was scared by Ami's words, he stays quiet. Tracy gets one vote, then Ozzy gets one. And then Tracy gets a second vote and I think she realizes that she's done. Sure enough, she gets the rest of the votes. Ami sure did talk a lot of shit, but when it came time to deliver...nothing. Damn. At least you tried, Tracy, which is more than I can say for the rest of your alliance. Tracy goes, and Probst tells the tribe they've got to start winning challenges. Or just hope for more misfortune to befall Airai.
You can read more from Sara Morrison at L.A.me, which she occasionally updates when she's bored at work. Or you can try your luck emailing her at saramorrison@gmail.com with news that some Nigerian king died and she stands to gain ten percent of his fortune if she hands over her bank account info.