The way things start, Boo needs immunity, or he's going home at F5. He doesn't, and he does. So at F4, the big question is whether, should "Dreamz" win immunity, he will give it to Yau Man as he promised last week. To the surprise of no one, a brute strength challenge winds up with an immunity win for "Dreamz," so now he's really, really over a barrel. In the end, he can't bring himself to follow through on the deal he made, even knowing that not going through with it is contrary to everything he's been telling himself about himself for many years -- that he's more moral and upstanding and honest and "real" than regular people. He doesn't give up the necklace, and Earl sucks it up and, although it pains him, sends home the only guy he thinks can beat him in a vote: Yau Man. Ouch. This makes no one happy. By the time the final three meet the jury, the jury is all riled up from a whole combination of things, including too much time with each other. Jury lowlights include Boo screaming "CHRISTIAN!" way too many times, Mookie trying in vain to seem like a thug, Edgardo still being really cheesed that he was voted off, and two serious, terrifyingly aggressive performances from Alex and Lisi. Lisi does a jaw-droppingly offensive routine with "Dreamz" in which she attempts to humiliate him for what she presumes to be his uneducated state, while Alex gets up in Cassandra's face (I know!) screaming at her and demanding that she stop talking when he tells her to. It's very, very unsettling, especially given his adventures since the show. Yau Man and Michelle are cool and friendly, of course. "Dreamz" takes a horrible beating over his failure to keep his bargain, and he makes it even worse for himself when he steadfastly refuses to admit that he changed his mind when he smelled the money; he insists instead that he intended to screw Yau Man all along. Not really helping yourself, kid. The votes come back, and...Earl gets every single vote. Every single one, even with three people in the mix. Way to go, Earl.
Previously on Princes Among Jackasses: The season started off really, really badly, with an apparent purging of women and a huge glut of jerkweed morons with stupid nicknames. There was also the dumb "twist" of giving half the group a cushy, un-Survivor-like atmosphere, putting them in a camp so packed with potty facilities and fresh fruit that it could almost pass for a Catskills resort if you threw in the "join hands and hearts and voices; voices, hearts, and hands" song. It seemed like the jerkweed morons had the upper hand for quite some time, but plans kept being changed because of the apparently random vacillations of one "Dreamz," who gave himself that name and really believed it. More recently, lovable goofball of a certain age and surprisingly accurate axe-thrower Yau Man found himself the winner of a truck at F6. He made a deal with "Dreamz" that if they both made it to F4 and "Dreamz" won immunity at that time, he would give the immunity to Yau Man. "Dreamz" took the deal, saying, "I promise to God." God immediately issued a statement denying all responsibility. At F6, Boo won immunity, and "Dreamz" hustled up Cassandra, Boo, and Stacy to vote against Yau Man, largely so that "Dreamz" wouldn't have to deal with the deal he made, but also because everyone loves Yau Man and no one wants to face him at the end. Yau Man, however, was wise to their games, and he played his hidden immunity idol, allowing him and Earl to bounce Stacy instead. So now, five are left. Earl, Cassandra, "Dreamz," Yau Man, and Boo. And the complex, unusually wired brain of "Dreamz," which will become its own free-standing player.
Credits. I hereby pledge my adoration to you, Yau Man. I don't really care that you didn't win. Teach me table tennis.
Bula Bula, Night 36. Everyone is returning from the tribal council where Yau Man had to play his immunity idol to avoid being voted out by, most awkwardly here, Cassandra. She asks him if he's all right, and he says he is, settling himself on the ground with a sigh. He interviews that during the "brutal" tribal council, there was a lot of discussion of the deal he made with "Dreamz." He explains how he had to use the idol to avoid being bounced. Earl reassures Yau Man, as they stand together in night vision, that the vote might just have been made to get the idol out. He also says that the others don't know, of course, whether Earl has the other one, or Yau Man has it, or nobody has it. (Reminder: Earl has it. I'm here for you.) Yau Man anxiously says to Earl that if he finds himself a target at the tribal council, he might need to use Earl's idol. Earl hesitates, because that's the last tribal council where the idol can be used, meaning that it's either going to be used for himself or for somebody else, and...it's a lot to ask somebody not to play it himself in that situation. Earl gently says to Yau Man that "they might try to target [Earl]," making it clear that it's a pretty big deal to ask him to give up safe passage into F4. In an interview, Earl says that the game is now "all about cannibalism" as everyone tries to "eat each other up." When consuming "Dreamz," I recommend sprinkling him with something to salty to counteract all the artificial sweetener.
The morning of Day 37 breaks at Bula Bula. Cassandra marks the day off on a tree trunk where they're keeping count on a fairly colorful and attractive calendar. They definitely did a good job with the décor this time, and you can tell they've certainly had plenty of free time. "Two more days to go," she says as the tribe shares some cooked fruit. It looks like they're boiling pineapple, which is interesting, if true. I don't boil mine, but then, mine didn't have bats sitting on it five minutes before I consumed it, either. Yau Man says that with five people left, the deal he has with "Dreamz" probably makes him the biggest target. It has not escaped his notice that if they get him out before F4, "Dreamz" won't be put in the position of going back on the deal. Therefore, Yau Man knows that he needs to win this immunity challenge. He's probably hoping for some kind of William Tell thing, considering how he keeps randomly turning into the guy with great aim. I recommend the apple be placed directly on the head of Jeff Probst.
Elsewhere, Cassandra and Earl are dealing with the awkwardness of her having tried to vote out Yau Man and not told Earl about it. Earl tells her that she could have told him they intended to vote out Yau Man, and he wouldn't have stood in the way, although he wouldn't have voted for Yau Man himself. He insists that he wouldn't have warned Yau Man (thus, of course, provoking Yau Man to idol-ize himself), but that he would have left it up to Yau Man to protect himself. Cassandra then interviews that she knows Yau Man and Earl won't vote against each other, so she, "Dreamz," and Boo need to get together and vote out one of those guys to "level the playing field." Always great to hear people gravitate toward expressions like "level the playing field" to make it sound like all they're trying to do is get a fair chance in this crazy game. Not trying to win or anything; just trying to make it a fair fight, like the Sharks and the Jets: "We need to be up three people to one, to level the playing field!" Back in her chat with Earl, Cassandra wants to know if Yau Man has the second idol. Earl tells her that he sure doesn't think so. Heh. He says that Yau Man hasn't been looking around, and he himself has, so if Yau Man isn't looking, he presumably doesn't have it. Cassandra voices over that if Earl has the other idol and Yau Man wins immunity, then that will create a little problem with her playing-field-leveling strategy.
Immunity challenge. Huge maze. Like, huge. Jeff brings everybody in. He takes back the Muppet teeth from Boo and puts them on their pole. Immunity is back up for grabs! In today's challenge, you will move, blindfolded, through this giant maze. Each person will wear a unique medallion with a raised pattern on it. When you go through the maze, you'll reach certain "key stations," and you can sort of plug your medallion into the right socket to make a key drop. Then, you make it to a "drawbridge" that's also marked with your symbol, and you use your key to drop the "drawbridge," which is really a beam, across an expanse of water. It kind of seems like a drawbridge should be over a pool of alligators, but this one is not. You then walk, still blindfolded, across the beam and do it all again with the section of the maze. Five sections in all. If you get lost, there are little posts that have markers you can feel, showing which direction the keys are and which direction the drawbridges are. I predict that this challenge will rely heavily on footage of people bonking into things, which is really the only reason why blindfolds are ever required. (I am talking about on Survivor, perv.)
Ready? Go! Boo is the first to hit a key station -- and I do mean hit -- and he drops his key. Yau Man does the same, then "Dreamz." Yau Man gets the drawbridge down first. Earl gets his key. Yau Man lowers and crosses his drawbridge. "Dreamz" falls in the water. Boo falls in the water as well. "Dreamz" gets his first bridge down. Look, this could take a long time to recap. Here are the highlights: Yau Man, Boo, and "Dreamz" take over the challenge. Earl is way behind, and Cassandra is essentially not on the course. I'm not sure how that happened. She is really embarrassing herself, though. When you can't find the course, you're maybe not performing up to your potential. Or maybe you are, which I guess is worse. My mother's favorite part of this challenge is that after a while, they really crank up the sound effects every time anybody runs into anything, usually with their sternum or belly, depending on height. Seriously, the editors worked overtime on this one adding "BONK!" effects. Not so much the hilarious "boink" effects that are usually used, but allegedly tense collisions that you are meant to take very seriously. They are somber bonks, you might say. Yau Man has the lead for the majority of the challenge, and guess what -- Yau Man wins. Yes, we are going in the direction of a very, very interesting situation, aren't we? Yau Man, obviously, is very happy about having won. "Dreamz" is not so happy about Yau Man having won. Nobody is happier about this outcome than the producers, who have been throwing pennies into the water and making wishes ever since "Dreamz" took the truck. Boo congratulates Yau Man immediately, and Jeff puts the necklace around Yau Man's neck. Tonight, Yau Man is safe, and nobody else is.
After commercials, we are back at Bula Bula on Day 37. Walking back to camp, Yau Man is beaming. He feels like his situation is slick, because he has immunity, Earl has the other idol, and he's got this deal with "Dreamz" that should be a very effective way of putting him into F3. "This was a very important win for me," Yau Man says. He takes a little walk with Cassandra and tells her that he'd like to try to get Boo out. Left with few options lest the axe move in her direction, Cassandra says that's fine with her. And now, Yau Man does a very hazardous thing by approaching Boo and making it pretty clear that his number is up. Boo interviews that he knew he was in big trouble when Yau Man won that immunity challenge. He says that "the writing on the wall" basically said, "Boo, good game, it's time for you to go." Heh. I think he's right there. Boo's beard is really taking on a life of its own. He's going to have to start using a carpet steamer on that sucker pretty soon.
Elsewhere, "Dreamz" asks Cassandra and Yau Man whether he's the one going. He tells them that he's voting Boo, and Cassandra affirms that she is, too. "Dreamz" starts talking about how he's "a man," and he won't complain, and when he leaves either tonight or tomorrow, he'll still say Yau Man was the smartest guy he ever knew, and was "one of the world's greatest fathers to" him. Crank up your overloaded analyses of pseudo-family dynamics, if you'd like. "Dreamz" interviews that, given all the lying and blindsiding, he wouldn't be surprised to be voted out tonight. He says that this will be the first time he takes all his gear to tribal council. God forbid he leave behind any stanky Day 38 pants. You'll want those for your scrapbook.
Boo asks for a consultation with Earl. He's not being very cagey about it, either -- he just is like, "Earl, can I talk to you?" Once again, when Boo wants to have a conversation, that conversation is had, dammit. So they go off together. Boo tells Earl that he knows Earl doesn't want to go up against Yau Man in F2. Boo says he gives Earl the best chance to beat Yau Man. Essentially, Boo is proposing that they boot "Dreamz" now, and then at F4, they can boot Cassandra, and then he or Earl will win that final immunity, and they can take each other, and Earl has a much better chance of beating Boo than he has of beating Yau Man. It's a decent pitch, but I don't think even this is the best reason for Earl to get rid of "Dreamz." The best reason for Earl to get rid of "Dreamz" is that at this point, "Dreamz" has -- just as Yau Man thought -- a decent to good chance at that F4 immunity, and if you keep "Dreamz" and he keeps his word to Yau Man, now you're in F3 with Yau Man and Cassandra, which Earl doesn't want. In other words, better for the fourth person in F4 not to be somebody who potentially offers protection to Yau Man, your biggest threat, who you'd like to be able to get rid of at F4. Earl promises to think about it, and Boo promises that he'll respect whatever Earl decides. Boo tells us that this option is "decent" for Earl, and certainly great for him, so he had to make his pitch. Back at the cave, Cassandra tells Earl, "You've got a puzzled look." "I'm always puzzled at this point," Earl answers. Boy, you and me both, buddy, and you haven't seen the half of it. Earl interviews that voting out "Dreamz" would be a smart move at this point, because "Dreamz" would be tougher in an F2 situation than Boo. He thinks "Dreamz" stands to get "the sympathy vote," just as Yau Man would get "the underdog vote." Earl says that at this point, the strategy is all about who he can beat. I, of course, would give Earl the "gap-in-your-teeth vote," which is a pretty big vote coming from me.
Now, Boo has a little chat with Yau Man, in which he says that there's likely to be one more challenge. Does Yau Man really think it's smart to bring "Dreamz"? Of course, Yau Man has the existing agreement with "Dreamz," which messes up the math for him a bit. Likelihood of "Dreamz" winning immunity minus likelihood of "Dreamz" going back on his word, compared to likelihood of Boo not winning immunity, yada yada. Boo warns Yau Man of the possibility of "Dreamz" winning the vote, and Yau Man concurs: "Sympathy vote." Notably, nobody thinks anyone is going to vote for "Dreamz" based on anything but pity. Boo tells Yau Man that Yau Man will win against anybody -- except "Dreamz." Boo says they can deal -- he'd take second place over fifth. So now, he's suggesting he'd go to the end with Yau Man. I have to say, Boo is putting up a decent fight for a guy who looked stone dead a few minutes ago. Yau Man admits in an interview that Boo's proposal sounds "enticing." But he says that in order to switch the vote to "Dreamz," Yau Man needs another vote. He goes to talk to Earl, who congratulates him on the immunity win. Yau Man asks Earl whether he thinks "Dreamz" will keep the deal he made. "Mm-hmm," Earl says. Yau Man considers this, then says to Earl that otherwise, they should really take him out now. The two men sit and think, facing, I think, one of their tougher decisions of the season. I mean, in all likelihood, either Boo or "Dreamz" poses an immunity threat. Only one of them poses an F2 threat (as they read the situation). The problem is that one of them is firmly aligned with Earl, and the other one could be aligned with either of them, as far as F4 goes. It's really the first time Earl and Yau Man's interests have diverged in a way they had to deal with -- they diverged when Earl wouldn't take Stacy instead of "Dreamz" to F4 a week or two ago, but that kind of didn't have to be dealt with, as it turned out. This, on the other hand, does. So it appears that the only thing they can agree on is...well, we'll see. Boo tells us that he did the best he could to position himself, and all he can do now is hope for the best.
Tribal council. Everyone is seated. The jury enters. Jeff asks "Dreamz" whether at this stage, he's more concerned about a person who's a physical threat or a person who might not be trustworthy. "Dreamz" says he's more concerned with people who won't keep their word. "Anybody can win a challenge," after all. "Dreamz" says that sometimes you have to go with your gut, because words are easy to say. Agreed! Words like "I promise to God," for instance. Jeff asks Earl whether there's any loyalty left, or whether it's just about who you can beat. Earl says that while you have close friends in the game, there's always part of you thinking about whom you could beat. He says it requires "careful thinking." Jeff asks Boo about the time after the challenge today, and whether people were "scrambling." Boo says pretty much just him (heh), because he thinks that "Dreamz" is a real threat going forward, because he's "popular" and will get a "sympathy vote." "Dreamz" jumps in here, talking about how it's not about "popular," and he hasn't been telling his life story because he wants sympathy from anyone. You can tell that he goes on and on about his life story, too, because...he kind of admits that he does. He's pretty defensive about it, immediately explaining why he tells everyone everything about his whole life. "Dreamz" says that he tells his story because he wants to show how far people can go. I have to say, I would probably see a person who viewed his own life story that way very trying. Boo clarifies that he wasn't accusing "Dreamz" of seeking sympathy; he was just saying he might get it. And honestly, if you're going to go on about how you're the only who doesn't have a car, blah blah blah, then you are, in a way, seeking sympathy. When you throw your name in for Queen For A Day, you can't spit on the crown, is what I'm saying.
Jeff asks "Dreamz" whether it makes him nervous to be classified, along with Yau Man, as a bad person to take to the finals, since Yau Man is immune. "Dreamz" says that he's part of Yau Man's F4 strategy, so he should be safe until then. Jeff points out that "Dreamz" sounds like he's telling Yau Man to keep him until F4, because that's when the favor is owed. It's fairly clear that this isn't actually what "Dreamz" is trying to say, but when Jeff lays it out for him, "Dreamz" is like, "Or else he did that all in vain!" Right, right. Boo says he still thinks getting rid of "Dreamz" would be better; "Dreamz" insists that Boo would keep winning challenges and would never be dumb enough to take Yau Man to the end. Boo says Yau Man can decide that for himself. Boo says that while he doesn't have enemies on the jury, he doesn't have friends, either. He argues that either "Dreamz" or Yau Man would win "by a landslide." Thus: take Boo. Earl flicks his eyes dreamily in Jeff's direction again. I imagine what it would be like to play Battleship with Earl, just so he could flick those eyes at me and then say, "Hit." Or, of course, "miss," though that would totally not happen.
Time for voting. If anyone has a hidden idol, this would be the time -- the last time -- to play it, once the voting is over. "Dreamz" votes for Boo, with two frowny-faces in the Os. Cassandra votes. Boo votes for Dreamz, spelling it with a Z, which is so gross, because it means that at some point, "Dreamz" told them, "Hey, remember: that's with a Z." Ick. Yau Man votes. Earl votes.
Jeff returns. Does anyone want to play an idol? Earl does. No surprise there, since he might as well. First vote is for Boo. Then "Dreamz." Then Boo and Boo, so Boo is done. Boo gives love all around. ["Back at you, Boo!" -- Joe R] And then he goes to get snuffed. He does this weird football move, running out of tribal council and down the stairs. I have a feeling that there are often sporting events taking place in Boo's head to which the rest of us are not invited. Jeff congratulates the final four on making it this far. Two days left. Time to head back to camp and sleep. Because what's to come just might be a trifle challenging.
In Boo's final words, he basically goes on about how much he loves Yau Man and how hard Yau Man is going to be to beat. Boo chuckles at how crazy it will be if "Dreamz" wins immunity and then doesn't keep his word -- but Boo is pretty confident he'll keep his word. Oh, and why wouldn't you be?
Day 38, Bula Bula. Earl, Yau Man, Cassandra, and "Dreamz." Earl and Yau Man discuss how very clear the water is looking today. Yau Man tells Earl he'll never forget the nearby hunk of rock that he's stared at every day for weeks. Heh. Yau Man tells us that it's pretty amazing to be at F4, and when he thinks back on all the "hard times" getting here, he's pretty excited to be at this point. Earl interviews that he and Yau Man have similar "values and morals," and that Yau man is a "very, very nice guy." He says they respect and admire each other. "We sincerely know we're going to be friends for a lifetime." Aw! And then Earl says, "Older Chinese guy and the young black guy. Friends! Who ever thought that -- that's like Rush Hour!" Hee hee. I'm really relieved that Earl said that, actually, because it makes it a lot more comfortable that Yau Man said something similar earlier in the season. I do kind of like the comparison of Yau Man to Jackie Chan. They're both pretty good at throwing props.
Dreamz starts talking about his situation: "My fate was sealed the minute I took the truck," he smiles. "I just want to do it in front of everybody. I just want my son to see me as a man of my word." In an interview, "Dreamz" recaps the situation that he finds himself in. He says that today, winning the challenge is very important. We see Yau Man say that they learned that the truck was worth $60,000, and if he'd known that, he might not have made the deal so fast. Heh. "Dreamz" says to Yau Man and Cassandra: "That's what nobody understands. It's not just the truck. I seen a man who would give away something to another man that he don't have. It could have been strategy, it could have been whatever, but it helped me." In an interview, "Dreamz" says, "My game plan is to give Yau the necklace, and whatever happens tonight, I'm happy." And he looks happy, too. He looks peaceful, he looks proud...it's the happiest you'll see him for a while. This is the happy face of a man who thinks he's about to have a life-changing moment in which he will confirm his own awesomeness.
And now, it's time to grab a drink, or in Wing's case your laundry, because we have reached that point. What is that point? The March Of Dead Survivors. The final four retrieve a piece of basket-mail directing them to get in their boat and go to "honor [the] memories" of their fallen comrades. "Honor their memories"? Really? Because...okay, I realize I've pointed out before that the people no longer playing are not technically dead, but seriously? Not technically dead. How would you feel if you were asked to "honor the memory" of someone you voted off yesterday, who is probably still in the shower? Anyway, they're going to find the torches of others, so that they can put those torches on a canoe, set the on fire, and laugh. I mean, "think." You can think of this entire ritual as honoring their memories, or, quite honestly, you can think of it as really, really rubbing it in. "I have beaten you in the game, and now, I will set you on fire. Nothing personal."
Jessica. Yau Man: "Sorry you were first to go. We hardly knew you." Boy, he said a mouthful. Jessica says it sucked being voted off first, but everyone was playing the game they signed up for. She should never have associated herself with Rocky, is what I think.
Erica. Earl: "Erica." Erica says she came to connect and be strong, and she didn't think she could have done anything better than she did. Really? I think she needs more faith in her potential.
"Sylvia, sorry that you had to go so early," Yau Man outright lies. Sylvia says rather hilariously, that she hid her leadership qualities as well as she could, but her tribe could see that she was "bossy," so they got rid of her. Apparently, leadership qualities and being bossy are the same thing. I am so relieved to hear that.
Gary tells us that it was a great experience, and as we watch him fall on his ass, hard, he says that going further would have been great, but this was fine, too. Winning a million dollars, going home with toxic insect bites...it's all about the journey, man.
In a great moment, "Dreamz" looks at Liliana's torch and says, "Liliana," reading it carefully, as if it's a name he's never heard before. Considering that my friend JWB sends me a text that says, "What's a Liliana?" every time her name is mentioned in any context, I kind of feel "Dreamz" on that one. She awesomely voices over that Survivor is just like real life, because sometimes, the best person doesn't win. Sometimes, the great people lose. Sometimes, the really best people only make it like a quarter of the way into the game. And, of course, sometimes, people who don't do well at something are really bitter.
"Rita, Miss Venezuela! One of the best moms in the world," Earl says. As we watch her fall on her face during a challenge, she tells us that she wants to teach her kids from this experience that if they have a goal, they can make it. Somebody says this every single time, and I never understand it. Shouldn't you pick something you succeeded at in order to teach that lesson? Or was the goal just getting on TV? Because otherwise, what's wrong with "you can have a great experience even if you don't meet your goal" as a lesson? Am I right? Who's with me?
"Anthony, I wish you could be here longer with us," Yau Man says. Anthony says that even though he was put down a lot, he's "a better person." Yeah, I'm trying to forget the entire Anthony arc myself, since it makes me kind of uncomfortable. Part of my brain expects to see Anthony wearing a skirt, and then I remember that was just Rocky propaganda.
Rocky. "Hey, there, Rocky boy, Mr. Boston," Earl says as he retrieves Rocky's torch. Rocky tells us that he's too much of a "straight shooter" for this game, and then we see him in his pink bikini top as he says you "can't show anybody nothing." The editors always really, really know what they're doing with this segment, which often saves it from total insufferability.
Lisi. She says she didn't have "the ability to stick it out," and we watch her go ka-fwump! on the ground, landing on her face during a challenge. I'm pretty sure that one of my friends actually predicted that moment had to be her moment during the MoDS as soon as it happened, but I can't remember now who it was. Too many sarcastic peeps who love to watch people fall down to possibly keep track. ["It wasn't me, if that helps any." -- Joe R] I do still go with the EEFP who pointed out that she was the first person to be injured during a mental challenge. Climbing, paddling, balancing...and Lisi was injured carrying out the instruction, "Go over there."
"Michelle, ma belle," Earl says fondly. "I think the hardest part for me was really pushing my body to limits I didn't know it could go to," she says as we watch her fall from the tower. You know, an awful lot of this montage is made up of people falling down. I knew there was a reason it gradually got better.
My favorite moment is "Dreamz" saying, "Edgardo. I bet you never seen it coming." Ha! I don't know that I've ever seen anyone basically be like, "Ah, [Name]. Really screwed your ass, didn't I?" Edgardo comments that "Dreamz" "messed [him] up." He is still royally pissed, you can tell. Nooooot over it.
Mookie says the game is about alliances. I'll say.
"Alex, my brother for life," "Dreamz" says. We'll see about that, kid. Alex says that he didn't need to win to know how great he is. Somehow, I'm not surprised that he has this outlook. I bet he won't be that articulate again until his arraignment.
"Stacy," Yau Man says, "I know you learned a lot about yourself, and learn a lot about life." Stacy says she learned she's adaptable and resilient. And she knows how to operate a French press, asshole.
And Boo. Who, of course, talks about how great it was to play, as the music swells and we watch the hammock collapse, dropping him to the ground. He's "unbelievably thankful." Probably not for the hammock, though.
All the torches are placed on a (hopefully broken-down) canoe that is set ablaze. Because you know what we do with losers? We burn them. That's right. We burn them.
Back from commercials, we move to the location of the last immunity challenge. Yau Man gives the necklace to Jeff, and "Dreamz" mutters to him, "You'll get it back." Jeff says that this challenge will test your "threshold for pain" and some other stuff. Basically, you're lying against a board that's tilted down so that your head is up, and you're hanging onto a bar with your hands, which is how you keep from sliding down. Also, water will trickle down the board the entire time, which will (1) make it slippery; and (2) annoy you. When you let go, you'll slide down and fall into the water. The angle will get progressively steeper every five minutes. Last one holding on wins immunity and goes to final three -- and here is where Jeff explains that three of them will go up for votes in front of the jury. "Can't get bigger stakes than this," Jeff says.
We begin. Jeff points out that this challenge is "particularly interesting" for Yau Man and "Dreamz," since "Dreamz" is supposed to be giving immunity up to Yau Man if he wins it. Jeff increases the angle after five minutes. Cassandra soon looks uncomfortable. Earl scoots to the side so that the water isn't falling directly on him. Five minutes pass, and Jeff steepens the angle. At fifteen minutes, Jeff steepens it again, and Cassandra falls right off. "Dreamz" looks uncomfortable. Earl looks uncomfortable. At twenty minutes, Jeff changes the angle again. Earl drops. So now, it's Yau Man and "Dreamz." Of course, in theory, if Yau Man really thinks that "Dreamz" will go through with the deal, there's no reason for him to hang on. And if "Dreamz" intends to go through with the deal, there's no reason for him to hang on. And yet...there they both are. They both look very uncomfortable, but it's Yau Man who falls first, so "Dreamz" does indeed win immunity. And what a pickle we're in now, no?
Jeff puts the necklace around "Dreamz"'s neck. Jeff says that this is the fulfillment of part of the deal "Dreamz" made with Yau Man, which apparently (though this wasn't shown, Jeff has mentioned it repeatedly and "Dreamz" has sideways referred to it, so I suspect it happened) included "Dreamz" making his best effort to win immunity. Now, the other part is that he has to give the necklace to Yau Man. Will "Dreamz" keep his word? Well, we shall see.
After commercials, we find "Dreamz" hanging up the necklace at Bula Bula on Day 38. Cassandra approaches Yau Man and asks how he wants to vote. He says he wants to vote out "Dreamz." Elsewhere, Earl tells "Dreamz" that he's glad "Dreamz" got immunity. Earl explains in an interview that the decision "Dreamz" has to make here is even more difficult, since three are going to the jury, meaning that if "Dreamz" were to keep his immunity, he'd go directly to the quest for the money in front of the jury. I don't know that it makes that much difference, really. Either way, it's stay in or go home. Earl, Yau Man, and Cassandra talk about the fact that there's nothing requiring "Dreamz" to keep the deal, but Earl doesn't think there's going to be a problem. Cassandra fondly calls "Dreamz" a "good kid," and Yau Man somewhat ruefully notes that they're voting him out.
"Dreamz" comes over and joins them, and Yau Man says that if "Dreamz" decides not to give up the necklace, he'd at least like "Dreamz" not to vote for him. So for those who wondered why Yau Man didn't try to see if "Dreamz" would agree to vote out one of the other two, that's basically what he's doing. Although honestly, it wouldn't have worked, because it's not in either Earl or Cassandra's interests to save Yau Man's ass by voting for each other, any more than it's in "Dreamz"'s interests to pick someone else to vote out. For all three of these people, Yau Man is the person they most urgently need to vote out. Without the immunity necklace, there's nothing else Yau Man can do. There are no more votes for him to promise to help with. He'd be strictly asking to be taken directly to the jury, and there's absolutely no reason any of them would want to do that, rather than just getting rid of him. "Dreamz" is sort of noncommittal in the way he talks to Yau Man, and Earl nervously chuckles, "If you change your mind, could you not vote me too?" Yau Man, sitting to the immunity necklace on its post, interviews that he thinks "Dreamz" is probably good to his word, but he's always considered "Dreamz" a "wild card." Yau Man reaches over and pats the necklace, saying, "I'm so close to getting it."
"Dreamz" expresses regret to Cassandra, talking about how hard he worked to get here, and he gave it up for a car. Earl tells "Dreamz" he'll "do the right thing." "Dreamz" says that if he thinks of his kid before he does it, he'll do the right thing. But, he says, "If I do the wrong thing, y'all better vote Yau together. Or one of y'all goin' home." So you know he's really only kind of going to do it, even here. "Dreamz" interviews that giving the necklace to Yau Man will eliminate him; he's sure. Back with Earl and Cassandra, "Dreamz" says he's "good with fourth." And then back to his interview, where, to me, the most significant things of this entire episode are said: "After the game, the benefit I get from giving away the immunity necklace is, uh, people knowing that I am really who I say I am. I am a person, I am noble, I am a truth-teller, I am...'Dreamz.'" Now, pause and appreciate what you just saw. This kid just told you -- he just told you -- that from his perspective, giving away the immunity necklace means one thing: "I am not full of shit." He said these words: "People knowing that I am really who I say I am." This is a guy who will go right out there and tell you his life story, and will tell you that even he considers his life story inspiring if he does say so himself, and he will name himself "Dreamz," for crying out loud. He will say things like "I am noble." Can you imagine a time in your life when you would have said, "I am noble"? On television? And meant it? He knows at some level that this all sounds hokey and like bullshit -- it's not like nobody ever smirks, and it's not like he doesn't see them. But he believes that he is about to reach a moment when he will prove, once and for all, that he is not full of shit when he does these things. He is Dreamz. He knows that in a way, if he didn't keep his word, it would mean he was just another guy playing the game -- not more noble, not more special, not more honest. Just another guy playing the game, looking out for number one, trying to cut a few throats and get what he can. No better than anybody else, no worse. But when he keeps his word, he and his kids and everybody who watches him on TV will know that he's special.
Short version? "Dreamz" isn't picking between a chance at a million dollars and maintaining his integrity. He's picking between a chance at a million dollars and maintaining his identity. This is how he sees this choice.
On the way to tribal council, "Dreamz" voices over that it's a choice between a million dollars and keeping his word. Which is, of course, completely untrue, unless you assume that if he keeps the necklace, he'll win with the jury. But I think he has himself convinced, probably partly based on Boo's comments at the last tribal council about his popularity and likely "sympathy votes," that it is the case and he will win the money as long as he keeps the necklace.
Everyone sits down at tribal council. The jury enters. Boo hasn't shaved yet, I don't think. If he did, he decided to stay with Mountain Man for the final tribal council. ["Oh, he trimmed things up. With fiiiiine results." -- Joe R] Jeff informs the jury about the fact that this will be the last tribal council where someone is voted out, and that the jury will face three finalists. Jeff then says, "There's really only one topic to be talked about tonight." And what is it? It's whether "Dreamz" is or isn't keeping his word and giving up the idol. "Dreamz" announces that he's been thinking it over, and it's a game about lying and backstabbing, after all. But, of course, he says that when it involves "your humanity," you find yourself trying to "do it according to your friendships." Huh. I’m not sure it's "your friendships" versus "the truck you already took, which is worth sixty thousand real-life dollars," you know? Jeff basically tells "Dreamz" that he took the car when he wanted the car, and now that it's time to deliver on his half of the deal, it's maybe a little tougher. "Dreamz" says that indeed, he "really wanted the truck," and -- note well -- he still wants the truck. But Yau Man made the deal out of strategy, "Dreamz" insists, acting as if this is a great discovery and that Yau Man somehow denied that he expected anything in return. "Dreamz" says that if he gives up the necklace, he goes home, and Jeff asks him why he assumes that's the case. "Dreamz" says he's sure he's right, but he's "prepared for that."
Jeff asks Yau Man whether he had a discussion with "Dreamz" trying to prod him into keeping his word. Yau Man says he didn't think "Dreamz" needed any help figuring out what to do. "I left him alone to his own volition...to decide." Jeff asks Yau Man if he thinks that "Dreamz" will live up to the bargain he made. Yau Man says he thinks "Dreamz" will keep his word. Yau Man says he wouldn't say that about everyone. Jeff asks Cassandra what she thinks "Dreamz" should do, and she says she thinks he's in a tough spot. Jeff asks Earl if he talked to "Dreamz" about it, and Earl says he left "Dreamz" alone, pretty much. Earl says that it's tough to pick between "integrity" and "the game," because it's about "what matters to you most as a person." "What would you do?" Jeff asks, and Earl immediately says, "I don't think I would have been in this situation." Well, no kidding. Earl wouldn't take the hedge bet. He wouldn't need to, and he's too much of a gamer. Also, he'd instantly know that the jury would hate him if he reneged, which I think "Dreamz" decided not to think about.
Because really, that's where "Dreamz" went wrong. He shouldn't have taken the deal. If he really believed he had a legitimate shot at the money, there's no way he should have taken the deal. He was offered a bird in the hand instead of two in the bush. If he really thought he was going to get the two in the bush, then...he shouldn't take it, you know? "Dreamz" argues here that he didn't know when he made the deal that three people were going to get in front of the jury. So now it's "so down to the bone," because if he stays immune, then he makes it to the final vote. Now realistically, it doesn't make any difference -- the odds that Cassandra or Earl would beat him in an F3 challenge were not good at all, so in reality, this doesn't affect the value of the deal much at all. F3 for "Dreamz" already pretty much meant he'd get to the jury. He tells us that "it sucks." Jeff asks Yau Man if he wants to say anything to "Dreamz" before we go forward, and Yau Man says that he hopes "Dreamz" has thought it over and will live up to his word. "Whatever you do, you have to live with it," he says.
So now, the moment arrives. Is "Dreamz" going to keep the necklace, or is he going to give the necklace to Yau Man? "Dreamz" sits with his face in his hands. Everyone stares. The drums pound suspensefully. Finally, "Dreamz" raises his head and says, "I'm going to keep it." Yau Man looks at the ground. Earl's eyes bulge with the look of a guy who just won a lot of money. Over on the jury, Mookie smirks and nods, and for a minute, I thought...well, I don't know what I thought. It seemed like the bullies were going to revolt and give the money to "Dreamz" just so that the winner would be an asshole. Sometimes, people prefer losing to someone nobody is going to respect, so that nobody winds up both rich and smelling like a rose. ["My theory is that if Yau had made it to the jury, he'd have borne the brunt of all the bitterness that got directed at 'Dreamz,' at least by Mookie and Alex. Because they are jerks." -- Joe R]
At any rate, now, it's time to vote. Earl votes. He cannot keep the smile off his face. At the other end of the emotional spectrum, there are tears in "Dreamz"'s eyes. Smiling, Earl casts his vote. Yau Man votes. Cassandra votes. "Dreamz" votes. As he sits back down, watery-eyed, he says, "I'm sorry, Yau Man." Because of course, when Jeff reads the votes, there is one for Cassandra. Then Yau Man. Yau Man. Yau Man. "Dreamz" is watery-eyed the entire time. "Dreamz" looks grim. Earl shakes his head, unable to believe what just went down, not to mention how much money he's going to win. Yau Man is snuffed. Jeff tells the rest that after 38 days, the jury now has all the power. Grab your torches! Go away! Think about what you've done!
Here's the thing: "Dreamz" has two little kids and, from what I can see in his CBS bio, no visible way to support them. Of course he wants them to respect him and to learn to be honest. He also wants them to eat and have clothes, and if there's any chance that he could come into so much money that he could substantially change their lives? Asking him to walk away from that for something as abstract as his integrity is a pretty tall order. I don't really fault him for going back on the deal. What I fault him for is taking the deal in the first place, along with what I see as the hardest thing to understand, which is that he never offered to give the truck back. I would have understood, and I think the jury would have understood, if he had just said, "Yau Man, I have to undo this deal, I'm not going to take the truck [my understanding is that those prizes don't actually go to you until after the game] -- you keep the truck, and I'm going to keep playing the game." But he doesn't want to do that. He wants to keep both. He wants to get everything he deserves in the game, plus something that someone else won that he could easily give back and that he has no conceivable claim to anymore. But he wants both. He wants the money, he wants the shiny truck, and he doesn't want to give up anything, because he doesn't have to. He's keeping something he really isn't entitled to, just because he can, and this is the moment when he realizes that he really is just another guy, like all these other people, getting all he can and looking out for number one. He's not noble, he's not a truth-teller; he's just a guy who needs to take care of his family and will, in the end, pick the money over teaching the world a lesson. He's not bringing light to the world; he's just playing Survivor, same as everyone. The quotation marks around "Dreamz" belong there. He isn't different, and he isn't a folk hero; he's just a regular guy with a regular guy's set of priorities, and that knowledge is totally freaking him out.
In his final words, Yau Man says that he's sorry to see "Dreamz" didn't fulfill his end of the deal, and that he's kind of surprised Earl voted him out. Shouldn't be, buddy. He was happy to make it this far.
Dramatically, "Dreamz" places the immunity necklace on his seat as he leaves. DUN!
Bula Bula, Night 38. Now trying desperately to recover from the genuinely shattering experience of learning that he's not quite the person he thought/hoped/said he was -- a guy who transcends petty concern for money and is a "truth-teller" even in this crazy game -- "Dreamz" is coming up with another whole way of looking at the whole thing. He's sort of casually tossing off that he's sorry he broke his word, but after all, it's a game, right? "How you feeling, Earl? Big Earl? Now that you know?" "I'm good," Earl mutters. "That's right," "Dreamz" says. It's really pretty painful watching him reach, reach, reach for reassurance from these people he respects, wanting them to tell him that he's okay. "Dreamz" also starts immediately talking about how the jury's going to attack him. You think? Earl thinks the jury is going to hate him for turning on Yau Man and voting him out. In an interview, Earl says that "Dreamz" made the shocking decision to break his deal with Yau Man. "Dreamz" keeps up a constant monologue at camp about how he had to, he had to, otherwise he'd be on the jury, he had to, he had to. I had to; I'm still me, right? Earl interviews in the meantime that he found himself "pissed" about having to vote out Yau Man, considering that they trusted each other all along. He hopes that on the jury, Yau Man will still give Earl his vote.
In a particularly painful night-vision interview, "Dreamz" insists that his decision isn't going to weigh on him at all -- he's got "no regrets," and he even claims that he "planned it out step by step." This is where you start to sense what he's going to do. He goes so far as to tell Earl and Cassandra that maybe they'll respect what he did -- "not that I'd care if y'all didn't," which couldn't be further from the truth -- and to interview that everybody else was a snake, so he's got no issues. Which might be convincing, a little bit, if it weren't for that interview in which he made clear that this was his walk-the-walk moment, and now it's gone.
Day 39 dawns at Bula Bula. Cassandra marks it off on the calendar tree. As she does, Earl and "Dreamz" sit in the background. She mentions that they've all been in the same underwear for 39 days, then admits that she actually threw out her underwear a long time ago. ["Bringing the season-long Ways In Which Cassandra And Lindsay Lohan Are The Same total to: 1." -- Joe R] Earl tells us that this is the last day on the island. "Game over," he says. He's happy, he says. The three of them take a walk together, and while they don't have much energy, Earl says they have enough to look at each other and nod from time to time. And then they come across a basket of goodies for breakfast, and that puts some pep in their step. It turns out that there are more goodies being dropped by plane, but when the plane finally arrives, it dumps the food out in the water, not on the beach. Don't you hate it when the plane misses your house? Cassandra admits that she can't swim as Earl puts in the flippers and heads out into the water to retrieve the box. There actually weren't many swimming challenges this year, which is probably lucky for her. Once Earl returns with the food, they all sit down to breakfast, christening themselves "the three amigos," down one (sniffle!) from "the core four." Cassandra interviews that she's just grateful still to be here, considering that she's the older, out-of-shape lady who couldn't swim. Oh, people who come on Survivor and can't swim. How I do not get you. She says that she got to the end against all the odds.
And now, it's time for the "Hell With Charity Auctions" Bonfire Of Highly Desirable Items. Earl and "Dreamz" talk about how they're going to burn everything. Earl does a little monologue about how this is going to be burned ("Dreamz": "Burned!") and that's going to be burned ("Dreamz": "Burned!"), and it's really pretty funny. "Dreamz" calls it a "liquidation sale" in which "everything must go." "It's a fire sale," Earl offers. They start burning stuff. "Dreamz" takes this opportunity to give the speech he must give about how having been homeless helped him through this experience, and it's remarkable that he of all people could be in the position of potentially winning a million dollars. Which, of course, he isn't, really, but we can let that go. Earl throws somebody's underpants on the fire, noting, "That's really gotta burn." "Dreamz" is happy to tell us that the struggle and pain are over. Oh, kid, I would not assume. "I feel like I'm standing to Oprah!" he says happily. Well, you're about to feel like you're standing to Jerry Springer, so get ready, kid.
For his part, Earl again climbs to Manifest Destiny Position (actually, I think this is old footage from a prior trip to MDP) and tells us that he's proud of the way he played. He says it was a good experience, and he's thrilled to have made it through as planned. He talks about how great it was to come here and be dirty and gross and "still be yourself." He says it's a chance to see what you're made of, and "see if you're really a man...or a wo-man." He calls it "the experience of a lifetime." Not that you should see the silhouetted figure of Earl, master of all he surveys, as any kind of foreshadowing. We revisit a pensive "Dreamz" and a wandering Cassandra. And then it's time for the final tribal council, and they all leave, a now-small fire burning in their wake.
GRAND MUSIC! (Sorry, I just felt like they worked so hard for it that I should acknowledge it.)
And now, the final three enter tribal council and are seated. Jeff brings in the complete jury. He welcomes everyone. Now, he explains, the power is all with the jury. Nine votes available. First, each person will make an "opening statement." Then each jury member can ask questions, then the final vote.
Earl's opening statement is first. He says he thinks he "played an honest and clean game," and he tried to "make the right moves" and be in the right place at the right time. He says he "didn't have to sacrifice a lot of integrity," which I kind of wish he hadn't said, but I think it's probably true that he fucked over a surprisingly small number of people and broke promises to a surprisingly small number of people. He says that he never got a vote and he never won individual immunity. He thinks this speaks to the "intelligent" game he played. He says rather than a "sympathy vote" or "underdog vote," he wants the "respect vote." Cassandra's opening statement is about how she tried to be nice to everyone and befriend everyone. She stayed with her alliance, and...uh, that's about all she has. And she wants everyone to stay friends. I think she's like the "Have a great summer!" vote. "Dreamz" starts by referencing his "life story." Sigh. He says people "know [his] heart," and he hopes their vote will help him and help his life. So...basically no argument as to why he should win, except that he would really, really like to have the money. I guess he's taking that "sympathy vote" business to heart.
After a set of commercials, it's time for the jury to ask questions. This, of course, is always the part where you learn a little about humanity.
Jeff explains that the jurors can address any or all of the final three with their questions, and we're going to start with Michelle. She happily chirps that she wants to know what the toughest hardship each of them faced was, because she thinks it's appropriate to "work pretty hard for a million bucks." Heh. She mentions sleeping in the dirt and not having food, so of course, "Dreamz" explains immediately that this was no big deal to him, because in case you haven't heard, he used to be homeless. Being thirsty, however, was very unpleasant. Because if you're homeless, which it turns out he was, you can always get a drink somewhere, but here, that wasn't the case. Also: homeless! Cassandra says her biggest obstacle was that she couldn't swim. Hmm. Is that a hardship? "Do you think your fear of water earns you a million dollars?" Michelle asks, as nicely as that question can probably be asked. Cassandra says, in one of the weirdest answers ever, that it's a combination of her fear of water and the fact that she formed an alliance. Wow. She is not very good at question-answering. Michelle grins extra-wide as she directs the question to Earl. Earl says that this is an easy one, because he was on original Ravu -- he's the only one who was. So he's the only one of these three who went through the original, actual, no-food no-water no-anything conditions that prevailed there. Plus, he spent all that time on Exile Island. I think he does have the edge on this question, which, come to think of it, his buddy Michelle just might have realized.
Edgardo is up . He has one question for Earl. And you know what it is? "Earl, how did you find out who had the immunity idol from the other alliance?" Ooooh, an actual substantive question. Earl pauses, and then he half-shrugs and says, "Dreamz." Edgardo nods and sits down. That's actually a shockingly good jury question, even though it focuses on Edgardo's inability to get over old grievances. Even though he probably knew the answer already, this is arguably addressing information he might truly use to decide whom to vote for. I hardly know what to say.
And now, Mookie, who starts off by congratulating the final three on getting so far. And then, although he's already been stepped on by Edgardo, Mookie says, "Dreamz, did you tell anyone about the immunity idol that I found?" "Yes," says "Dreamz" simply. Mookie asks if "Dreamz" would consider that a betrayal. "Dreamz" says no; he'd consider it "lying." Huh. The two go back and forth about whether it is or isn't a "betrayal" when you tell your alliance's big secret. See, to me, "Dreamz" should have responded here by saying it's playing a game as they all were playing a game. But no, they have to go back and forth about the difference between "betrayal" and "a con." That doesn't seem...so substantive, really. And then Mookie adds, "Word of advice for you guys: tonight is not the time to lie, and tonight is not the time to get caught up on a lie." Because if you do, Mookie will stuff you in a locker. NERD!
And now, Alex. Oh, won't this be fun. First of all, you can instantly tell that (1) Alex has been rehearsing; (2) Alex is largely performing for the rest of the jury to make them think he's awesome; (3) Alex thinks people expect a certain performance from him because he's an attorney; and (4) Alex is taking this way, way too seriously. That's all just from the way he walks up, faces the final three, and says, "Okay." He says, "Please describe a moment that you grappled the most with maintaining your integrity." He directs this at Cassandra, who says that probably, the biggest moment was when she overheard part of a conversation about herself and had to decide whether to stay and listen. And then Alex says, "One of two things is going on, Cassandra. One, you're lying to me right now, and that was not in fact the moment you struggled with most, or two, you cared very little taking Stacy, pretending to like her, comforting her, and nurturing her to use her vote and then quickly discard her when she was no longer of any use to you two votes later. So which is it?" The problem with Alex's question, of course, is that Cassandra never turned on Stacy -- Cassandra was still on the same side as Stacy when Stacy was eliminated. Knowing this, Cassandra says that the answer is that Alex's premise is incorrect, but as soon as she starts to explain this, he orders her to stop talking. Er. When she doesn't stop immediately, he's like, "I get to talk!" Didn't you just talk, idiot? Isn't this supposed to be the answering part?
Alex basically embarrasses the shit out of himself right here, because he keeps trying to bully her with his "I have enough information!" thing, when he clearly doesn't. And when she says she thinks she should be able to respond, he's like, "You are mistaken, Cassandra! You are mistaken!" I don't even know what he's claiming she's mistaken about. It's like he isn't even hearing her; he's reading from a transcript of a cross-examination he heard about once, only she's not saying her lines. She tries again to answer the question, and he's like, "STOP TALKING! Is that not clear to you that I said STOP TALKING? Maybe I should say it in Spanish! Edgardo, you want to translate?" Wait. Translate...for whom? I'm so confused. I might need someone to translate for me, actually. Do any of you speak Coherent? Alex literally never allows Cassandra to answer the question, which he clearly believes makes him look bad-ass, but which actually makes him look like such a ridiculous buffoon that he really should have reconsidered this approach for several different reasons. Alex then moves on to "Dreamz," saying that since "Dreamz" supposedly wants to help kids, he should explain how being a big liar/cheater/double-dealer helps kids. Oh, and he leans forward "threateningly," sort of leading with his chest and his pointy finger. Scary! "Dreamz" says that the game is not the world, much as Yul said last season. And then Alex says, "I would wish you luck, and unlike you, I'm a man of my word, so I don't wish you any luck at all!" Oh, see what he did there? He didn't wish him luck. And then he says, "You can't hide from karma forever, my friend." But when he says "my friend"? He adds finger quotes. NOT FINGER QUOTES! He really knows how to pile on the overwhelming sense of shame.
Let me take a moment to tell you a little something about my ex-profession: when lawyers act like this, it's usually a performance for the client. Judges absolutely hate this shit -- this grandstanding, borderline abusive, bullying, "NO NO STOP TALKING!" stuff. Good judges hate it because...well, for obvious reasons, and bad judges hate it because they don't like anybody else to be pushier than they are. Most juries actually hate it too, unless they already agree with you, in which case the whole thing is kind of not necessary. ["Boy, is that right. I was on a jury very recently where a lawyer was pulling this, and not only did it turn the jurors off, but it got the judge royally pissed off. He eventually let the lawyer have it, too, it was awesome. I'd like to introduce that judge to Alex." -- Joe R] But sometimes, if the client hates his ex/boss/employee/government enough, this is what the client wants to see. The client wants to see some goddamn yelling and some goddamn pointing and some goddamn cutting off of answers, because the client hates that other guy. So the attorney can do that little show, and it's generally not going to get the client a good result in the case, but when the bad result comes around, the attorney will explain that the system doesn't work, blah blah, and of course, the attorney has the luxury of saying, in effect, "I did everything I could for you, of course; you heard all the yelling." I have seen attorneys blow cases royally by being more interested in personal attacks on other parties than in the substance of the case, and I have seen them then walk out with the client, saying, "Yeah, you never know with these cases, the system is really stacked against a guy like you." It's infuriating, because the client is receiving bad lawyering and doesn't even know it. My point is that this little "show" that Alex is putting on is for the jury and the audience at home, to make everyone think he's awesome, and of course, the only people who think he's awesome for doing this are people who already agreed with him, meaning that it's kind of a metaphor for the actual practice of law, if you see what I mean. But anyway.
But we are done with Alex, and now it's Lisi's turn. Oh, Lisi. She does manage to make it to the front of the jury without falling down. Ha ha! Anyway. Lisi immediately goes here: "Eenie meenie miney mo, catch a liar by the toe." Oh, Lisi. I don't think for one minute that she knows just how much she shouldn't do this, but it's the risk you take when you decide to be a bitch. Weirdly, when Lisi finally settles, she comes to Cassandra and says she wants to see her water shoes. Cassandra lifts her foot up, and Lisi pronounces them "the worst-looking water shoes [she's] ever seen." Lisi says that this means Cassandra was "completely unprepared." Thus spake the quitter, who wanted to curl up in a hole after about a day and a half without fresh fruit and a coffee machine. Lisi asks Cassandra if she'd agree, and Cassandra says no: "It's Day 39, and I'm still here, and my shoes are still here..." By this point, Lisi is dramatically rolling her head around in frustrated disgust. The theme of this tribal council is "My question is HOW DARE YOU ANSWER MY QUESTION!" Cassandra says she doesn't "see the relevance in the question." Earl looks at Lisi like she's nuts. Lisi says she raised the issue of the shoes because she thinks Cassandra was in over her head, so how could she have made it 39 days? "Greed!" she says, all sarcastically revelatory. Lisi wants to know whether Cassandra would agree that "greed really fueled everything." Cassandra takes the wrong approach, insisting that she came to learn things about herself and whatnot, which...oh, Cassandra, don't do that. Ultimately, Lisi presses Cassandra to admit that yes, part of what caused her to go so far in the game was wanting to win. The money! She is a terrible money-wanting money-wanter! I hope Cassandra can live with herself.
And then, what is arguably the ugliest thing I've ever seen a juror do happens. Worse than Lex, worse than...worse than anybody, really. Because it's intended to humiliate, not based on the game, but based on things outside the game. Lisi looks at "Dreamz" and says, "I want to know how many zeroes are in a million." See what she's doing? This guy beat her, so she wants to put him up on national television and humiliate him for being uneducated. She wants everyone watching to laugh at him for not knowing how many zeroes are in a million. "Dreamz" says, "Six, enough to keep a person's life running, and enough to help a lot of people." And Lisi smirks with glee. Okay, this just got awesome, because Lisi clearly doesn't know how many zeroes are in a million, and she thinks he got it wrong. So she looks over at the jury, but she doesn't get any encouragement, and Alex has kind of a cautioning look on his face, so she just patronizingly says, "Good." Caught herself just in time. "Dreamz" is certainly smart enough to catch the snap here on what she's doing, so he asks her, "What, do you think I'm stupid? Let me ask you..." Lisi cuts him off, saying, "This is part of my game." Is it really, Lisi? Trying to take a formerly homeless kid and grind his face in the dirt over the fact that you suspected he didn't have as much school as you did? Really? That's your game? Your game is to reach back into somebody's unfortunate childhood to find a club to beat him with, just because he embarrassed you? You'll have to excuse me if I suspect that isn't your game; that's just you.
Lisi then accuses Earl of doing "a whole show for the jury" by shaking his head in surprise over what had happened when Yau Man was voted off. Earl explains that he was surprised at the entire turn of events involving the broken deal. Lisi keeps telling him that he could have voted off Cassandra, and Earl is like, "But I didn't." Because he never has said, now or ever, that he had no choice but to vote out Yau Man, so her whole thing she's trying to do is just bullshit. Not that this keeps her from snorting contemptuously at Earl's answer. Earl tells her that voting off Yau Man was the "smart choice." "It's amazing how 'smart' becomes interchanged with lying and manipulating," Lisi says. You know, you could be shut out in a burn-each-other-with-a curling-iron contest and not be as fucking sore of a loser as Lisi.
Stacy is up . She tells Earl that the difference she sees between him and "Dreamz" is that Earl is more sophisticated. After the game, he'll land on his feet. What about "Dreamz"? Should she maybe give her vote to "Dreamz" because he needs the money more? She wants him to tell her whether she should "base [her] vote on a need basis or not." Earl tells her that a million dollars would change any of their lives. He says that he doesn't feel bad because he has a job, or because he has a car. He says he's worked hard for the things he has -- he had setbacks and hardships growing up as well. He mentions being raised by a single mom around drugs and violence, and he doesn't think you can base it on need when "we all need it." Well, seriously. Nobody's going to be like, "Eh, I don't really need any money," unless they're independently wealthy, which none of these people are. Stacy smiles and sits down. She just wanted him to take that off her mind, and I think he did.
And that would bring us to Yau Man. Yau Man starts off by saying that because he's 54, he has "the advantage of not having testosterone overload." Hee. He tells "Dreamz" that he can admit his mistake, and that the situation with "Dreamz" was his (Yau Man's) fault, and that "Dreamz" should enjoy the truck and not feel bad. Now, Yau Man is giving "Dreamz" a chance to "have the gonads" (hee again) to tell everyone why he changed his mind. In other words, Yau Man wants the kid to admit that he saw the money and just couldn't go through with it. But "Dreamz" won't. He insists that he never changed his mind. Insists that he never intended, ever, to keep his part of the bargain if it came to that. "So you are not going to admit you changed your mind," Yau Man says. "Dreamz" insists, once again, that he didn't change his mind.
It's so sad, you know? The kid would rather deny that his conscience kicked in than admit that it kicked in and he forced himself to ignore it. He's so ashamed (probably overly so) in some part of his heart, I think, for having chosen what his own mind considered money over integrity that he can't be in the same room with that decision. He'd rather you think he didn't have ethical qualms about doing it than have you think he had them and did it anyway. As you know if you've read very many of these recaps, I don't really believe in applying morals and ethics to Survivor the way they would apply in regular life. I mean, everyone agrees that they're going to go all-out according to the regular Survivor rules to win the million dollars. It is literally impossible for me to win unless everyone else loses, so to me, nothing I do to make me win and you lose can be "immoral" unless it has so many outside-the-game implications that it goes beyond what I consider reasonable. But there's been something about this that has really bugged me, and it isn't just who I like and don't like. It has something to do with the truck not really being part of the game, but it has something to do, too, with "Dreamz's" inability to just admit what happened, which is that he learned something about how hard it is to turn down the possibility of riches once it's plausibly in front of you. He learned that it isn't as easy as he thought to be noble. He can't admit that he does think it would be more noble to have kept the deal, but in this case, being noble was too expensive. He can't admit that he weighed what he considered an ethical issue against money; he'd rather deny seeing any ethical issue, even though he obviously did.
At any rate, Yau Man now asks Earl why Earl didn't bring him along farther in the game by not voting him out at F4. Earl's answer? "The reason I would not want to go against you? Because I would not win," Earl says. Yau Man smiles, happy that he got a straightforward, honest answer (which I think it completely was) that acknowledges what a good game he played. Which he did. Earl adds, "You played the best game by far." I think that's probably also, all in all, true.
And finally, we are done with the damn jury questions. Now, Jeff will give them a minute to think before voting. I, personally, would like to sit and think about how much I'd like to see Alex and Lisi stung by wasps.
When we return, we watch. Tonight, the jury writes down the name of the winner. Rocky votes. Lisi. Michelle. Edgardo. Yau Man. Mookie. Alex. Stacy. Boo. You might have noticed that you did not see any votes. You might also have noticed that you now know what happened with the votes, provided you watch this show. Jeff brings back the votes and congratulates everyone, telling them that they'll have to wait until we all meet again back in the U.S. to find out who won. And then Jeff walks off. Everyone looks around. Jeff walks. Down some stairs, blah blah, and then...
Crowd cheering! New York City! Audience! Jeff entering as the final three and the jury sit on the stage! The final three all look good, although my Music Stylist felt outright betrayed that Earl got the gap in his teeth fixed, and is therefore no longer in The Club. Let's read some votes. Earl. Earl. Earl. Earl. Earl. Earl wins! Okay, so that wasn't very suspenseful. They always read you as many votes as they can while keeping it even, and they didn't read any. Not any! As Earl happily runs down into the audience to greet his family, Jeff tells us that indeed, Earl pulled down every single vote -- a Survivor first. The rest of the contestants emerge behind him, and everyone hugs the winner. Everyone loves a winner. Even, in this case, me.