Well, well, well. Looks like a certain credit-card-dreaming, Plan-Voodoo-hatching wild card named Cao Boi wasn't crazy about everything. Turns out Candice and Jonathan actually do have designs on reuniting with their fellow Whiteys back on Raro after the merge, even though Candice isn't exactly wild about the "and Jonathan" part. But her desire to hang out with Adam and Parvati again is so strong that when, before the Reward Challenge, Jeff offers an open invitation for the Survivors to "mutiny" (i.e. switch tribes), Candice takes it. Left with a split-second decision, his ostensible closest ally jumping, and the possibility of now being the odd man out at Aitu, Jonathan mutinies as well. Which leaves an eight-member Raro tribe against Yul, Becky, Sundra, and Ozzy on Aitu. But, and perhaps inevitably, the adversity bonds the new Fun Size Aitu far closer than before, and its members rip off a decisive Reward Challenge victory and then come from behind to take the Immunity Challenge as well. Back at Bloated Raro, Jonathan is doing more of that "making people distrust me by merely existing" thing he does so well, and it looks like he's high enough on Nate's shit list -- Nate really seems to have crowned himself king of Raro, with Adam as his man-at-arms -- that he'll get the boot. But Adam would like Jonathan around as a backup plan, and Brad's still getting the stink-eye for being a nancy boy, and also for not being able to keep his trap shut about how it's every man for himself in this game. I mean, it totally is, but...you don't say it, dude. In the end, Brad's mistrust of his own tribe proves justified, and he's voted out of the game...and onto the jury? Jeff doesn't elaborate on this new twist, but the math suddenly isn't adding up for a two-person final tribal council (or an odd number of jurors) anymore, so...no idea. Who's the most confusing stranded-on-an-island show on TV now, eh Lost?
So. Moonlighting from my regular recapping duties and spending my time with reality TV. Aaron Sorkin is going to be SO disappointed in me.
Previously: Flicka ticked off her tribemates to the tune of getting herself voted out, despite tribe-wide feelings of distrust toward Jonathan. Ozzy climbed things and killed things and managed to make himself both valuable and threatening to the Aitu tribe. And Nate called Brad a "nancy boy," which meant your guest recapper here had to reluctantly break up with him. We could've had something special, Nate! Why you gotta be a stealth homophobe like that? Twelve Survivors are left.
It's Day 19 at Aitu, and the credits haven't even rolled before Jonathan starts plannin' and schemin'. Okay, all he's really doing is solidifying the already-established alliance of himself, Candice, Yul, Becky, and Sundra. But everyone else seems to want to attach sinister motives to the guy's actions, so I will too. It looks like he wants to make super-double sure that Ozzy is the in line for a booting. He says that even if they go to the merge with six, the plan is to keep Ozzy around until they've whittled Raro down enough to where it's safe to boot him. Jonathan interviews that everybody's a little "antsy" with the merge in the not-too-distant future, and with a five-person alliance, you can't be perfectly sure everyone's going to stick to the plan. Coincidentally enough, Candice tells us at home that she's not really interested in sticking to the plan. She wants to get back together with Adam and Parvati. Ooh! Somewhere in sequester, Cao Boi just had a dream about low-interest financing that told him he was totally right about the old Raro tribe sticking together. Candice says it's the "calm before the storm." Also the calm before the...
Credits. It occurs to me that Billy seemed much more menacing when he looked like Jazz Hoyt from Oz and before we realized the fake-love of a bland woman was all it took to tame him. Also? Way to recycle episode titles, Survivor.
A rainbow greets us at Aitu, symbolic of God's promise to re-unite the original all-Caucasion tribe some day. To that end, Candice and Jonathan are having a private conversation about how, with an alliance of six, there's going to come a point where somebody's gonna get turned on, and Jonathan is determined to "not be the guy who made that move too late." To that end, Jonathan poses a final four scenario of him, Candice, Parvati, and Adam. He tells Candice, and then us, that his number one loyalty is to her, and their trust will take them through to the end of the game. So it looks like Jonathan's being pretty honest here. Candice, however, joins the rest of the people on the island -- and likely the animals and sea creatures as well -- in not trusting Jonathan at all. She thinks he has no allegiances but to himself, and she'd like to see him go.
Over at Raro, campfire talk turns to a merge. Everyone thinks that this will be "soon," though historically, there's never been a merge when there were still twelve contestants in the game. Rebecca and Parvati feel that even if they go into the merge with the same numbers as Aitu, they should be "all good," though no one elaborates as to why. But "all good" is "all good," so who's worrying? Brad adds that after they do merge, "it's like every man for himself." Even without the music cues and the shots of Adam looking dumber than usual, we can tell that a statement like that isn't going to sit well. The editing makes it look like Brad immediately gets up to go fishing, which is pretty hilarious. "I have no loyalty to any of you bitches, but we'll talk later, 'kay?" Nate and Parvati are all fake astonished that Brad would say something like that. "He's digging a hole," Parvati says, and Nate interviews that he doesn't trust Brad because he's done some "questionable" things. "He's Slim Shady right now." You mean he's become culturally irrelevant and unable to create enough controversy to drive up his album sales? No, I guess not. Parvati and Jenny are aghast that Brad would think that Survivor is an individual game. Aghast! Also, note that Parvati seems to be co-signing a lot of the tribe's sentiment in this segment. A sign that she's more responsible for driving said sentiment than we think? Anyway, they all seem in agreement that after the merge, they won't need Brad, and it's lame that they're all ganging up on Brad yet again for some arbitrary and stupid reason, but there's always an arbitrary and stupid reason to vote you off, so don't give it to them unnecessarily, Brad. It's just a weirdly self-destructive comment to make. You know who could shed some light on that comment for us? Brad. You know who we don't get to hear from at all? Brad. Nate interviews that his plan is to make it seem like he and Brad are tight, before he drops the hammer on him. Oh wait, his exact words were "Yeeeeah, boy, we tight, we tight...sucka." I'm all for making people think you're on their side right up until you vote them off, but Nate's maybe a little too gleeful at the prospect right now.
Reward Challenge! Jeff remarks that Flicka was voted out at the last tribal council. The reaction to that can be found somewhere on the spectrum between "duh" and "meh." Jeff says that before the challenge gets underway, "we're gonna do something a little different." That, of course, is never a good thing, really. Jeff says he's going to offer the survivors "an opportunity to mutiny and join the other tribe." Which...isn't strictly a mutiny, right? Wouldn't a mutiny be where the rest of your tribe gangs up and forces you off the tribe? In other words, "the entire point of this show"? Whatever, who am I to stop Jeff Probst from feeling important for thirty seconds? You keep using the scary sounding words, Jeff! Don't listen to me. Brad smiles at the cool new twist, while Sundra and Becky start to look mighty nervous. Nate and Adam look thoughtful, though only one of them looks like thinking so much is going to give him a cramp. Guess who? Candice, however, looks like the cat that ate the canary already.
When Jeff gives them a five-second countdown to make their decision, Candice steps off at "three." Aitu manages to keep some stone faces at this news, and as Jeff makes it to "one," Jonathan hastily hops off his tribe's matt as well. Ozzy shakes his head to the cameras, all "White people, am I right?" Jeff directs Candice and Jonathan over to Raro, where they're greeted by a smiling Parvati and not much else. Jeff asks Aitu for their thoughts on this development, and Yul says he's "stunned." Yeah, you're not exactly hiding that emotion real well right now, Yul, so it's probably best you copped to it. "I thought we had a pretty good game plan, and I'm really surprised." Ozzy is not so surprised: "They don't have the backbone to stay with their tribe, then fine. I'm sure they're gonna get their fate sooner than later." I think maybe Ozzy's a little overexcited at being a real part of the tribe again, because this is the best thing that could have happened to him in this game.
The Reward Challenge itself involvs shoving two tribe members into a barrel and rolling them across an obstacle course, then attaching buoys to the barrel, floating it across a lagoon, picking up flags along the way, and then running said flags up a flagpole to victory. At some unspecified point, I'm assuming they're going to allow the barrel-dwellers to throw up after being rolled down the beach in a barrel. The reward? A relaxing getaway with coffee and pastries, as well as letters from home. The latter part gets Jenny and Sundra , in particular, a little misty-eyed. Because Raro now has an 8-4 advantage, they can only have four members participate. They send Adam and Nate out to roll a barrel full of Candice and Jenny; Aitu, not surprisingly, will have Yul and Ozzy roll Becky and Sundra.
Ready? Go! Oh my God, okay.First each tribe rolls the barrels down this steep wooden track before they even make it to the beach. I'm feeling like I'm gonna boot, and I'm just watching. When the teams get to the buoys, they have to stuff them inside the barrel with the girls while they make it past the obstacles on the beach. Because when you're feeling dizzy and nauseous, what you really need is less air. The upshot is that Yul and Ozzy are able to get their barrel to the water faster than Nate and Adam, all the while Jeff is doing his useless narrating about "two new tribes...who made the right move? Who made the wrong move?" Aitu also proves far quicker at getting their barrel to a point in the water where they can just swim with it, which ultimately becomes a lead that Raro can't overcome. It also appears that Raro got themselves caught in a current that took them even farther away from their target. Aitu wins, and it's not close at all.
Ozzy immediately starts screaming "Yes!" and aggressively pointing at Jonathan (since Candice is busy floating off to Fiji with the rest of her challenge participators) and saying "Mutineers are the first people to die, man." Oh, Ozzy. Don't be that guy. Don't be the guy who takes the random and fake prom themes that Mark Burnett adopts for the season and acts like it's real. Rupert is that guy, Ozzy. Don't be Rupert! Yul eventually shuts him up by pulling him into the great Aitu group hug as Rebecca looks on from the Raro bench with a nod that says "Good on you, underdogs." See, my theory is that Rebecca's not fully onboard with a lot of the Raro nastiness, and I wonder if her friendship with Sundra could pull her to the other side, post-merge. Speaking of Sundra, she's...crying. I know. But I think if you consider the letters-from-home aspect to the reward, plus the fact that she and Becky just got their brains scrambled in that challenge, you'll join me in giving her a pass. Aitu doesn't hesitate in sending Candice off to Exile Island either, and her meek little wave as she passes them is met by some stony silence, let me tell you. Jeff sends them off to their reward and sends us into the commercial break.
After the break, happy guitar-plucking means it's time to see that reward. Sundra can't stop jumping around at the sight of the coffee and pastries. Another group hug! See, this was one of the reasons I thought it was dumb for Candice to mutiny. Not only do you bond what was maybe a loose alliance (and certainly with regard to Ozzy and Sundra it was) into something tight and unbreakable, but you bond them in a shared loathing of you. At least if she waited until after the merge to jump, she could have taken one of them out in the process. By taking the mutiny Candice leaves them motivated and still fairly strong. Four people is still too small of an alliance to make it after the merge, but with wild cards like Rebecca (as I mentioned) and Yul's hidden immunity idol, Aitu could gain the upper hand yet. Yul does some Yul-speak about how "proud" and "honored" he is to be on such a cool tribe. And it's utterly honest in its dorky-big-brother way, so you have to love him for it. You do! Sundra interviews that after the mutiny, her own tribe looked so small and vulnerable compared to big, buff Raro, so to win the challenge was something of an emotional experience, hence the crying. Okay, I'll count that too. I still say brain-scrambling is partly to blame.
The tribe dons some white robes and begins the gorging process at the pastry table. Ozzy calls the reward a "re-charge" for the rest of the game. Then they bust out what looks to be a bucket full of letters and photos from home. Sundra's almost immediately in tears, particularly when she sees photos of her son. We see a photo of Yul with giant nerd glasses on, looking almost unrealistically dorky. Like it was a Halloween costume or he was starring in his high school production of Lucas. Everyone is smiling and laughing and enthusing over each other's photos and -- okay, Survivor. I can't not root for these guys. Mission accomplished.
Then it's letter-reading time, as everyone shuts up and cries for a while. Sundra, in particular, is really blubbering over her son's letter, which is written in adorable giant "I just learned how to print" lettering. She sees a photo of him and it looks like she makes a sign language gesture in response, but that's not elaborated on at all. Waiting to bust out the deaf son material for "Take Your Loved One To Camp Day," eh? She looks over at Yul and can't quite form the words at the moment, so Yul gives her a peck on the top of her head. Whatever, you guys, this tribe honestly seems to care about each other and is populated by good people. I've got nothing to work with at the moment besides "Aw!" Now it's Ozzy's turn to cry, and Sundra and Becky get up to give him a hug. Yul decides to make it the third group hug in the last five minutes of show time, but he's sort of out of position, not to mention nine feet taller than everyone else here, so he's stuck with the "lean over with your butt sticking out" hug, which is never as satisfying for anyone involved. Ozzy basically interviews what I said before about how the mutiny solidified the bond of the new Aitu. Oh, Candice. What hast thou wrought?
At the ever-more-pointless Exile Island, Candice stews in her own juices. She acknowledges that the four remaining Aitu members "have it out" for her, but she doesn't so much have a problem with that as she does with Jonathan for following her into mutiny. Why does he have to copy me?? She says that she's never trusted Jonathan "from the beginning," and finds it interesting that while she farts around on Exile Island, Jonathan's the one who gets to "bond" with the new tribe. And I'm pretty sure "bonding" for Candice means braiding Parvati's hair and making out with Adam, which would explain the jealousy she's feeling.
Rarotonga. Oh, it's funny: Jonathan's on his feet, arms spread wide apart like he's hugging the idea of his new tribe, and he says, "I took a step into the unknown. I wanted to be here and meet some of you folks." It's amazing that some people find him insincere. He mutinied because he "wanted to meet some of you folks"? Yeah, I'm sure they'll buy that. Furthermore, he sits down with Raro and admits that what he did was "a crazy thing to do," and he points out that he and Candice are "the seventh and eighth members of [the] tribe." I kind of feel for Jonathan because, as he interviews, he didn't want to mutiny, but he saw Candice as his closest ally, and when she jumped, it was something of a "That's my ride -- gotta go!" situation. He tells us that he's "in the danger seat now." Amazingly, as he speaks to Raro, he tries to couch his mutiny as a loyalty move, because he was loyal to Candice. The amazing part is that it's essentially true, but it's gonna be a hard sell, if not impossible: "My massive show of disloyalty only proves my loyalty!" Besides, how can he and Candice explain their move to the whole Raro tribe without tipping off Jenny, Rebecca, Nate, and Brad that they're planning on putting the Caucasian band back together? The whole thing is just one strategic mud pit, and while I'm grateful for the shake-up in the game, I can't quite wrap my mind around Candice's logic. Jonathan's plan is to be non-threatening and earn Raro's trust.
Know who's not buying Jonathan's explanations at all? Nate. He's already giving him the fish-eye at camp even before he tells us what's up. Here's what's interesting: Nate says, "I knew Candice was gonna come over here, but my man Jonathan rolled over here, too, with her." He says Jonathan must be "smoking some good stuff" if he thinks he's going to come to Raro and "start stirring waters." First off, he knew Candice was coming? Was this pre-planned by Adam and Candice somehow? That's a stretch, but maybe they just had a blanket "chance I get" situation already established. What's interesting is that Nate knows about this and is cool with it. Anyway, he says that it looks like Brad's gonna get another three days in the game, because Jonathan is right now topping Raro's hit list. "Do you really think we're gonna have you back after we just saw you sell out your other tribe?" Nate asks. "Are you dumb?" Dude, calm down. For one thing, you seem to be okay with trusting Candice after she sold out her old tribe. For another, Nate seems to have an all-too-common- on-Survivor tendency to have to create mountains out of molehills in order to justify a booting. Just vote him out if you want to! It's the best move anyway! I don't want to begrudge Nate his large personality, because that's what got me to like him so much in the first place, but that kind of attitude cuts both ways, and this is the underside, I guess.
The day, chickens roam free on Raro, and Jonathan's up in a tree, chopping coconuts. Thankfully, this is a Raro tree and not an Aitu tree, so it doesn't know what it's missing by not having Ozzy humping his way up its trunk. I'm sorry, Ozzy, once you've been on the Playboy Channel, there's no such thing as "too dirty." While Jonathan chops, the Raro women and Brad (or as Nate would tell you, "the Raro women") lounge on the beach. Adam also lounges, across the fire from Jonathan, and they talk some strategy. Such as it is when you're talking "strategy" with Adam, but still. Jonathan assures Adam that his and Candice's plan all along was to reunite with him and Parvati, and Adam says "that's cool with me. I'll do that." Adam interviews that Jonathan's plan is an all-Raro final four, and "just to have someone there that wants that, and wants to include me, is good to have along the ride." Which is encouraging for Jonathan, I suppose, but Adam's talking the talk of the backup plan right now. "Along the ride"? Not the best vote of confidence. Lucky for Adam he's telling this to the viewers at home and not Jonathan, who arrives at the novel conclusion that "this game is all about trust."
Immunity Challenge. Jeff "welcomes" Candice back from Exile Island. She's greeted with smiles and hugs by, you guessed it, Parvati, while Ozzy and the rest of Aitu smile the smile of "Live it up, blondie. You're still dying first!" Jeff explains the challenge: they're going to paddle out in glass-bottom boats and search for underwater targets. Then they'll line up the "crosshairs" on their boat with identical crosshairs underwater, at which point they'll release a cannonball from the front of their boat, which will hopefully land in an underwater basket, which will release a set of buoys. Two straight buoy-related challenges? Someone at Survivor knows that word is a bitch to type and did this on purpose. Anyway, three sets of buoys and you're back to the beach. One of the buoys will be a clue to the secret word, while the rest will be letters that form a one-word answer, and whoever gets that word first wins. Raro, because they have eight members and can only play four, is forced to sit out the four who competed in the reward challenge -- the possibly-stronger Nate, Adam, Candice, and Jenny. Maybe not the best thinking-ahead work by Raro yesterday, but it was pretty short notice. So it's Brad, Jonathan, Rebecca, and Parvati in Raro's boat, versus the eternal foursome of Aitu.
Survivors ready? Go! Raro does fine until they get into their boat, and they immediately veer off course. Aitu is first to get above a target. Looks like Sundra is in the back, lining up the crosshairs, while Yul and Becky are in front dropping the cannonball, and Ozzy is in back trying to maneuver the boat into the right spot. Becky releases the ball and it misses. Raro has Parvati and Brad in the back, lining up, and Jonathan and Rebecca in the front, dropping balls. They don't seem to have anyone in the Ozzy position, which I think is a disadvantage -- how many people do you need to line up some crosshairs? I wonder if Nate will yell at Brad for being too much of a nelly to do that, too. Raro misses. Aitu misses again. Parvati stands up now, to guide and paddle more effectively, and Raro puts the ball in the basket for their first set of buoys. Aitu misses again. Raro approaches their second target, drops their ball on the fly, and hits the target on the first try. Raro: 2, Aitu: 0.
Here's where it gets cool: Yul thinks he's got it lined up just by looking over the side of the boat. He's hesitant to try it this way at first, but he releases the ball and it hits! Raro approaches their third target, but they're drifting away from it, so they have to regroup. Yul tries to eyeball one over the side again, but this misses. But as Yul looks down the chute, the ball just dropped through, and he realizes that he can see the target; if he waits to load the ball until the last second, he can use the chute to more accurately line things up and then quickly drop the ball. He does this on their approach, and it hits. Tied at 2. Yul starts to tell Ozzy and Sundra his new discovery, but Becky quickly shushes him up. Seriously. But it's crazy adorable all the same. Yul used his brain to figure it out! Heart and brains! Aitu's got it all!
Raro's suddenly a little more frantic to hit their third target. They miss, then they must forget to re-set the release, because when Jonathan loads the ball, it drops straight through to nothing. Jeff: "Raro just wasted a cannonball, they weren't paying attention." Jonathan: "Oh please, Jeff." Jeff's all "what's that?" and Jonathan repeats himself, and FINALLY somebody has told Jeff to shut his smugly little play-by-playhole. That's been a looooong time coming. Jeff plays it straight, saying, "Jonathan, getting a little frustrated by me. Day 21." I can't decide whether he was excusing Jonathan's snippiness because of how long he's been on the island or gently poking him all, "Twenty-one days and he's already bitching at the host." Either way, I think it's been proven that if you whack Jeff gently but firmly on the nose, he will learn his lesson.
Aitu successfully uses the Yul Method and quickly grabs their third set of buoys. They're headed for the beach. Raro's getting frustrated. They drop the ball over their target, and it looks like they're lined up, but the ball takes a wicked curve in the water and misses. That is some unfortunate luck, right there. Aitu makes it to the beach and unwraps their word balls. The presence of the word "balls" in this competition has made it an absolute joy to recap, I don't mind telling you. The clue reads: "The most famous mutiny in history occurred aboard this ship." "The Black Pearl?" says Adam from the Raro bench. No, he doesn't. The answer is the "Bounty," and Aitu has it immediately. Immunity! Group hugs! Some more! From their boat, Parvati whines, "Are you kidding me?" The Raro bench looks mildly chagrined, but ultimately it's no skin off their asses since it's Jonathan or Brad going home anyway. Aitu takes immunity back to camp. Raro will take their bitter defeat to Tribal Council.
Harsh winds of losing menace Rarotonga beach as the tribe makes it back from the challenge. Candice gets some sympathy for her night spent on Exile Island. Jonathan says he's happy to have her back at camp, because it takes some pressure off of him as the only new guy. Candice, of course, isn't looking to take the pressure off Jonathan, and when he's out fishing (and looking like an actual crazy person in his machete-and-snorkel ensemble), Parvati asks her if she's as loyal to Jonathan as he says she is. Candice says that they're "not tight...at all," and Parvati says that's "good." Candice says Jonathan has been more loyal to Yul, and had only tried to form something up with her in the past few days. I certainly don't blame her for not trusting Jonathan, if that was indeed the case.
Inside the Raro hut, Nate and Adam pillow-talk to each other about strategy. Nate laughs a bit at how dumb Jonathan must be for thinking Raro's gonna keep him around. Adam floats the idea that stringing him along wouldn't be the worst idea: let Jonathan try and fish his way into Raro's hearts for awhile and boot him later on. Of course, he doesn't tell Nate the whole "backup plan" thing, but he does offer a decent strategy-based reason: after the merge, Jonathan won't be welcome back at the Aitu alliance, but Brad might be willing to jump back to his old Puka-mates Yul and Becky. But why didn't Brad mutiny when he had the chance, then? You know who could tell us more about that non-decision? Brad. You know who still hasn't been interviewed in this episode? Brad. Nate says that the fact that Brad didn't mutiny when he had the chance means Nate has "an ounce of faith in him." Adam ultimately doesn't care who goes as long as it's Jonathan or Brad.
In Nate's interview, he runs down the salient points: Jonathan work hard! Brad maybe not loyal! He also manages to call Jonathan "Lord Knows What He's Thinkin' Knucklehead." Aw. "Knucklehead." It's so unfortunate that someone with a cute smile and a hot body and who says things like "knucklehead" is also given to flights of "nancy boy." Nate re-iterates his intention to lie to Brad and make him think he's safe. He manages not to fall over giggling about it this time. We see him approach Brad by the fire and tell him "we've" got the numbers advantage. They're both seemingly bewildered as to why Jonathan would jump ship, but Nate indicates that it's Jonathan who will go. Nate adds that Raro can stick together and then "chop [Aitu] up like poop!" Like...poop. You know how the saying goes! "Like a hot knife through feces!" Note to any and all attending Nate's upcoming Thanksgiving festivities: bring your own silverware. Or take the drumstick.
Later on, we see Candice has decided to take up sculpting as a way to keep herself occupied during downtime on the island. It looks like she's taken a giant slab of Adam and is slowly manipulating it into the shape of her choosing. Check it out: she tells him there wasn't a whole lot she could do about those times Aitu sent Adam to Exile Island, "because everybody else was jumping on the bandwagon." At this point, I figured this was just your standard issue "Don't blame me, baby, I always loved you" shmoopiness that I figure we're all going to be in for from these two for a long time. But Candice follows by saying the second the new Aitu formed, "Mister Man" (a.k.a. Jonathan) was "runnin' his mouth" about Adam, and that it was Jonathan's idea to send Adam into exile. It's glorious -- Adam goes from having this giant smile on his face, to being kind of confused as to who "Mister Man" is, to being totally crestfallen and pissed. You can almost see Jonathan's face in a thought bubble above Adam's face as it shatters and falls to the ground. Watching this the first time around, I think I said "brilliant" out loud. Not that it takes a whole lot to manipulate Adam, but damn. Now he's all tight-lipped and "that's fine..." But wait! There's more! She puffs up Adam's ego by saying she figured Jonathan felt threatened by him, "and he said that you were scared to go [to Exile], so they thought that it would, like, break you or something." Oh! He said you're scared, Adam! You gonna let him talk about you like that? Seriously, Candice just tried to start a fight in the parking lot between her boyfriend and some guy she hates. And Adam? Totally falls for it. As he tells it to the viewers at home, he hits all the barfight buzzwords: "running his mouth," "talkin' trash," "I think it's funny." He tells us that he'll let Jonathan continue to "kiss [Raro's collective] butt" until they vote him off. Back at Candice's Pottery Barn, Adam says he'd like to "go beat [Jonathan's] ass right now." See! Candice is totally that girl who gets her boyfriend into fights. I hate that girl. But I kind of love how easily she's able to bend Adam to her will. I hope Parvati's taking notes.
Now Adam -- oh so predictably, it's awesome -- goes to Nate and says that he wants to "beat [Jonathan's] ass." Watching it a second time, I see all the little softly-spoken indications are there that this is all "after we take care of Brad" talk, but watching this the first time, I thought Candice had pulled it off. Nate interviews that he and Adam want to "take a brick and beat Jonathan in the head with it." That's...oddly descriptive and specific. There's that line between "I'm gonna kill you!" and "I'm gonna wait until you fall asleep and then smother you with your pillow until your body stops twitching." You'd kind of get uneasy at that second one, right? Nate adds a big "BUT, we gotta think smart," which is voiced over a shot of clueless Brad with Nate looming in the background. Yeah, I should have seen this coming. I say "clueless Brad," but the truth is, we don't know what Brad's thinking. Because we still haven't heard from him yet. When was the last time someone got voted out and didn't get a single interview segment? Which is why I thought it had to be Jonathan. You know what else threw me for a loop this episode? Nate's weird-ass mustache. It's thicker around the corners of his mouth, so he constantly looks like he just ate a whole chocolate cake and hasn't wiped his mouth yet.
Tribal Council. It's raining, or else that weather machine that Mark Burnett's been working on in his sub-terranian terror-dome is finally operational. Jeff, naturally, wants to talk about the mutiny first. Brad says his first thoughts were that Candice is "one gutsy girl" for creating four sworn enemies on the Aitu tribe. Gutsy, sure, or incredibly foolish. Though I will say, much as it was the wrong move and will likely doom her chances at winning the jury over, Candice has ended up in a pretty sweet position in the game right now. She's part of the game's single biggest alliance -- Raro-minus-Jonathan -- and she's also part of what appears to be the dominant alliance within Raro -- with Adam, Nate, and Parvati. It'd all look pretty sweet for her if it weren't for: Yul's hidden immunity. Which essentially allows Yul and his alliance to hand-pick who from Raro they want to eliminate when it gets played. And you think they're not choosing Candice? Did you see the way they looked at her? If she flips post-merge, this probably doesn't happen. And that's why you don't mutiny. Because you're the first to die. Oh my God, Ozzy! I totally owe you a Coke!
Anyway, Jeff asks something about Candice and Jonathan being low on the totem pole -- doesn't matter what he asked, because Jenny answers something completely different, about how they have a numbers advantage over Aitu going into a merge, and they'll be able to "pick 'em off like zits." Jenny wants this to seem playful and goofy, but her face sure wasn't built for playful and silly, so it comes off like everything else she says: bitchy and mean. Probst sort of closes his eyes at the grody metaphor there, while the rest of the tribe laughs. "I been hangin' around Nate too long," Jenny says. Jenny's gonna get burned by Nate before too long, too. That's a guess. Then schoolmarm Jeff asks Candice if she's okay with all this "laughing" and "smiling" on a tribe that's at tribal council. Yeah, where's tortured glances and rending of garments? There's no having FUN at such a serious CEREMONY! Candice says she likes how Raro knows how to have a good time. Jeff mocks her for making a whole host of enemies just to join the "fun" tribe, and she says that fun was just "one of the reasons. I mean, they win when it counts!" So this week's immunity and reward challenges were...practice? Jeff asks Jonathan if he's worried about jumping to a tribe that didn't invite him. Jonathan tries to justify himself, saying he may have jumped "a second later" than Candice, but he still totally wants to be part of the group! He swears! He acknowledges it could be him going home tonight.
Jeff wants Nate's take. Nate says that he was "all good" with the alliance of six he had before mutiny, which is a lie, of course, because he was most certainly not all good with Brad. But Candice and Jonathan "seem very nice," so he's "adapting." He's totally bald-face lying that Candice is part of his alliance now. He gives Candice props for being a competitor and says that the girls may be intimidated by her. Jonathan, however, may be "too much of a leader," and you don't go trying to LEAD the Raro tribe. They're perfectly content to let their puffed-out chests and bravado do that for them. Brad is asked about the vibe at camp, and he pretty honestly and even-handedly says that he has no problems with either Candice or Jonathan, but they may have trouble worming their way into a group of six. Of course, he has no earthly idea what's happening in his tribe at all, which could be clouding his judgment a bit.
Then, the $100,000 question for Brad: "Do you trust these people right now?" Brad answers simply, and quickly, "No." Rebecca's sideways glace says, "Really?" Jenny's sideways glance says, "Dumbass." Jeff actually says, "Wow. You don't trust this big happy family!" Jeff's really latched onto some "happy family" construct, but I'm not sure who on Raro presented it to him, if anyone. Brad sticks to his guns: he doesn't trust everyone on the tribe. He's not really bitter when he says this, and he's not looking to make a point. He just doesn't trust everyone. I'm sure that won't have any negative effect on his tribe members who were already questioning his loyalty. Again: things you think versus things you say.
Time to vote! We see Jonathan's vote for Brad -- "Obviously this is nothing personal," -- which is an it's-you-or-me-tonight vote. Brad votes for...Thomas Jefferson? Seriously, the last time I saw a name written in that teeny script with such a long trail after it, it was on the Declaration of Independence. Maybe it's the quill pen off to the side that's giving that impression. Brad's vote is actually for Jonathan, a "good leader and a good father," who's coming to Raro too late in the game. We don't see anyone else's vote, which means we've got a 7-to-1 vote against someone coming up. One vote for teeny-scripted Jonathan. One for Brad. The third (and likely deciding) vote? "Brad." Two more Brad votes and it's official. "The ninth person voted out and first member of our jury: Brad." Brad looks around kind of stunned, and the rest of the tribe is alternately wide-eyed and smirky, which I'll chalk up to "first member of our jury" rather than "Jenny's such a bitch!" I'll forgive you if you see it the other way around.
Jeff solemns his way through Brad's torch-snuffing before addressing the issue at hand: the first member of our jury is in place with eleven Survivors remaining. And by "address," I mean "smirkily avoid." All he says is "this game if full of surprises." So speculation abounds. The historical two-finalist format would, in this case, result in a ten-person jury, which won't work. So...three-person final Tribal Council? A challenge where the winner gets to eliminate a jury member of their choosing? An (uch) America's Choice tiebreaker vote? Lord knows America's chosen so well for this show in the past.
week: Jenny's boys are falling into Candice's clutches. And a message in a bottle. Hopefully one that doesn't suck.