I'm tempted just to recaplet this episode by quoting EEFP wibblebird, who said, "What has this social experiment taught us? All races hate fat musicians." But I won't. Instead, I will tell you that Aitu starts out the week with a chip on its collective shoulder, courtesy of bossypants Ozzy and his pal J.P., both of whom have decided that Billy is so worthless around camp that they should lose on purpose and boot him, because if they don't, they might...lose. And have to...boot him. Brilliant! They make such a lame display of losing the immunity challenge on purpose that they wind up looking like total morons, and they look even stupider when they send Yul to Exile Island. How long is it going to take to figure out that you want to avoid putting the immunity idol in the hands of the strongest person you see? Anyway, Yul gets to Exile Island, and he's like, "Hm, okay, two clues, that should do it," and he digs up the idol. So there's that. Then Aitu goes to tribal council and boots Billy, and you really only think you've ever seen Jeff Probst look really confused, because if you want to see him actually look confused, you have to watch the part where Billy announces that he found "love at first sight" with Candice, who will soon realize that it's never a good idea to tell a guy in a band that you love him if you don't mean it. Billy is voted off, and Candice is free to remain romantically committed to Adam, who's starting to look like a big old twerp himself.
Previously: Jeff Probst announced that the tribes were divided based on race, and most of the contestants thought that sounded kind of lame. They did not, however, freak out and start warring with each other or anything. This is because they are not team players at all, and CBS will not forget that when the time comes for birthday presents.
The sun comes up at Hiki on Day 4. Having received flint at the Sekou-booting tribal council, the remaining members are now attempting to make fire. Nate explains that they really need it, because they haven't been able to drink their water without boiling it first. It looks like they aren't sure how to use the flint they now have for the purpose of making a fire. On the one hand, certainly, if I hadn't been told how ahead of time, I wouldn't either. On the other hand, were I going on this show, I'd find out. I mean...the internet is just sitting there, waiting to help you destroy things using household items. If you need to know how to start fires, I think it can help you. I think a little survival-related Googling would have done a world of good here.
Sundra tells us that Hiki is now a little stressed out, because they're anxious to "represent well," and they're feeling kind of disheartened about the fire-making, or the lack thereof. It looks like the entire tribe spends quite a bit of time huddled around trying to make the fire happen, which I am sure is incredibly frustrating. What it immediately reminds me of is a stretch of probably an hour that I spent trying to figure out how to put my vacuum cleaner back together after I took it apart to change the belt. I stared, I pushed, and I concluded that the parts that I was now looking at could not possibly have ever fit together to form a vacuum cleaner. It is the most frustrated I can ever remember being in my life, and I didn't need my vacuum cleaner to keep my tongue from turning black and falling off. So I'm betting this is worse. Stephannie says she doesn't really get what they were doing wrong.
Later, Rebecca and Stephannie work on the fire together, and as Rebecca tosses sparks into some grass, Stephannie quietly says, "One's lit in there. One's lit in there." Heh. It's like she doesn't want to scare it. Don't tell the ember! It will flee! They cover over their precious spark, and they call over the rest of the tribe. And before you know it, they have the fire going. Nate, who has a wonderful and contagious laugh, is so excited that he's literally jumping up and down. He's also showing his butt crack, which has to be blurred for the protection of our delicate eyes. It's the Valley of Victory! He interviews that it was the "girls" who started the fire, and says he'd been confident the entire time that they would "step up" and be awesome, so he's not surprised. "Burn, baby, burn!" he hollers at the fire. Um. Doink. Rebecca says that it's been a great day for them, just figuring things out and working together. That actually looks to be mostly true. Good for them. They put some water on to boil. Because after I spend a hot day sweating all over some sticks and starting a roaring fire, I always relax with a cup of boiling water.
Over at Aitu, there is spear fishing, and there is crabbing. It's like a damn picnic on Cape Cod. Food does not seem to be in as short supply this season as it sometimes has been. J.P. tells us that his tribe is doing great. My favorite part is where he says to the girls, "You guys got crabs?" That's a little personal, there, J.P. He also goes on to say that "Latinos are good workers," and it's in their blood and their "heritage." Really? You want to go there, bud? I...wouldn't. Back at camp, Cristina tells them the story of how she was shot in the line of duty. Cecelia tells us that Cristina is "definitely a role model," given what she does and everything she's been through.
In other Aitu news, there are chickens running around their camp just like the ones that Raro allowed to escape. That is: taunting chickens. (Chicken: "Maybe I'll just lie down and take a nap. Yawwwwwn. You could just come riiiiight over here and catch me. I'd be delicious! Tasty and juicy, and I'm soooooo tired, yawwwwn...psych! [flapflapflap].") The group discusses various ways to construct a chicken trap, and Cristina kind of wants to go with a slapsticky trap where you'd catch the chicken in a big bag while presumably wearing an Elmer Fudd hat. Ozzy congratulates himself in an interview for "making a concerted effort not to shoot down all of her ideas," even though her ideas are all stupid. Ozzy wants to make a tunnel-shaped trap instead, although what later comes out doesn't look as much like a sophisticated tunnel-shaped apparatus as it does like throwing a big net over a chicken. For her part, Cristina interviews that she finds it a little irritating that every idea has to come from Ozzy, or he rejects it. He agrees in an interview that the two of them "don't click very well." He chalks this up to the fact that she's a cop, and the fact that he's a lot younger than she is. They're kind of like Mel Gibson and Danny Glover. Time for Ozzy to jump off a building! In Aramaic! It appears that they use Ozzy's net-throwing concept to trap the chicken. The thing you see is the chicken roasting over the fire, so somebody also killed and dressed it, but you don't need to see that part. I can't say who did it, but I bet Ozzy kibitzed the whole time. Cristina goes for a walk, and the rest of the group thinks she's stomping around mad, which I'm not sure about. Some people just need time away from other attention hogs in order to regroup.
Meanwhile, at Puka, Yul hides in the bushes clutching a string tied to a crate, waiting to trap a chicken under the crate. Man, this really is the part where everything they're doing looks like it was diagrammed in chalk. Also, if we can divert into trivia for a minute, it's a damn good thing chickens love coconut, which I totally didn't know, because otherwise, I don't know how these people would attract them. When figuring out what to feed a chicken, I have to admit, I never would have thought, "Pina Colada!" That's why I didn't become a vet. I don't get animals. Becky interviews that this was a very good start to the day, because everybody loves a coconut-eating chicken when all they've been eating is coconuts. (Honestly, everybody loves a chicken in general, which is kind of the theme of the season so far. It's kind of Survivor: Cluck Cluck Cluck.)
Becky and Yul crouch on the beach together at the edge of the water and have a chat about trusting each other. Yul tells us he thinks that since Becky is a lawyer who works with nonprofits, she probably isn't in the game just for the money and therefore might be less greedy and more trustworthy. I can see how you might reach that conclusion, and it might be true about Becky by coincidence, but it's totally wrong as a rule. Lawyers who work for cheap are not any nicer than the other ones. As Becky explains, they're also both Korean, so that forms a little bit of a bond between them as well. She says that to her, Yul is kind of like an older brother figure. They agree to stay together in the game.
And now, Raro, home of the clownishly boring white people. (I can say that, because it's in my heritage. My blood!) Candice, Adam, JessiFlicka and Parvati are preparing to welcome home Jonathan, King Of Sitcoms, who you will remember was sent to Exile Island last week. When he arrives, there is a group hug of enormous insincerity, not that this show really knows any other kind. Jonathan interviews that Exile Island sucked, but he was kind of surprised to come back and discover that his tribe had made no progress whatsoever since he left. He also reveals to us, as he does to his tribe, that he looked all over for the Idol, but he didn't find it. Things begin to get dicey when the tribe reveals that they still don't have a floor for the shelter, so they're still sleeping on the cold, wet ground. Jonathan is unimpressed. "I don't understand that," he interviews of their lack of activity. Headline of that scene: HOLLYWOOD ACTOR RETURNS; CAN'T BELIEVE LAZY PEOPLE'S LACK OF GUMPTION. That's got to hurt.
, we see Jonathan and JessiFlicka cutting more bamboo, presumably for the floor, as she says that she's "really excited about pimping out our palace." In an interview in which she has oversized wads of hair on the sides of her head, kind of like Princess Leia with a shrunken head, JessiFlicka says that she and Jonathan decided to pick up the pace a little. As for the rest of the group, Parvati, Adam, and Candice, Flicka says that they basically do nothing. She approaches Adam at one point and gently explains that what they're doing to build the floor is really "quite a bit of work," meaning that he might want to pitch in. He insists that the reason he's not helping is that it's "dumb." Believe it or not, Adam goes on to resist the idea that having a raised floor would be preferable to just sleeping on the ground. It is explained to him that the ground is wet and cold, because of the earth, and moisture, and thermometers. He gets all pissy, wondering how a raised platform would improve that situation. Well, dummy, then you're not sleeping on the ground. What is wrong with him? Did being on The Grind warp him permanently? Is he calling Eric Nies for advice? Adam calls for backup from Candice and Parvati, who are as indifferent as ever. Parvati does halfheartedly throw her vote behind the raised floor, but Adam spits, "It's crazy, I think." Seen the show, dumb-ass? You do not want to sleep on the ground! Nobody sleeps on the ground! Shit will bite you! He keeps saying that he doesn't want to "waste energy" just so something will "look good." You know, I feel the same way, and have decided to start sleeping on the sidewalk outside my apartment immediately. Why would I want to get a mattress and a pillow just to look good? That's superficial, man.
In an interview, Jonathan points out that Adam's problem is that he's hungry and grouchy, and he doesn't get that other people care about other things, like not sleeping on the ground. Maybe they should've told him he could gnaw on the floor. "I don't need him being like that," Jonathan says. I cannot stop being amazed that the actor is the voice of reason. "Now that my career has cooled," I envision him thinking, "I need to go on that Survivor. You know why? To get those kids working with some damn horse sense."
Back at camp, Candice cautions Adam against making Jonathan "the enemy." Adam says that he won't. Adam is a tool; you can just sense it. They should make him sleep on the ground if he's not going to lift a finger to build it. I almost never believe in that, but when you're actively sitting on your ass sabotaging work that others are attempting to do? You're kind of asking for it. To the ground! Maybe Candice should have told him floors get her hot.
We pay a visit to Aitu the day, Day 5. A crab nonchalantly makes its way across the beach, trying not to attract attention. Everyone is admiring the haul of fish on J.P.'s spear. (Not dirty!) But J.P. is looking over at Billy, who is lying down at the moment. Slow accordion music judges Billy as a bad and idle pirate. Arrr! Billy interviews that he's trying to "conserve [his] energy," both because he doesn't have that much to begin with, and because he thinks that other people know what they're doing better than he does, so he might as well let them do everything. "Since they know more about spearing fish and getting coconuts and whatnot, I just let them burn the energy, and I'll just go ahead and have some of whatever they catch." If you looked up strategy in The Big Book Of Alienating Your Tribe, you'd find that approach listed in the first chapter. (Chapter Two: "Peeing In Common Areas.")
As Aitu sits around later, Ozzy suggests that Billy get up and go clean off the net so that they can throw it at another chicken. Billy painfully hesitates, but he eventually drags his ass up and walks very slowly in the direction of the net. When Billy is gone, Ozzy tells the rest of the group that it's "difficult if everyone's not pulling their weight." In an interview, Ozzy complains about how "tiring" it is to have to tell people what to do. This is total crap, of course -- he loves telling people what to do. His favorite thing in the world is to tell people what to do. The world is his orchestra, and he is the conductor. We're all just brooms to you, Mickey. We are shown dramatic footage of everyone else working away at various tasks while Billy stands around. And then Ozzy dramatically chops something with the machete in frustration -- chop! That alone makes me want to continue watching the show! Think of the drama that chopping could lead to!
Cristina tries the tack of actually talking to Billy, explaining how she thinks it's important for everyone to be working together in the tribe. Billy claims to agree with this, although I don't think he realizes that she's waving a "you don't do any work" flag at him quite as much as she is. He tells her that he sometimes feels "on the outside," and goes on to say that in many ways, metal is his culture rather than being Latino. It's an interesting point, how people identify with cultural forces other than ethnicity, and that can be stronger in cases than their ethnic identity. On the other hand: "Metal is my culture." Hee hee. Cristina says that she thinks it's good to bring something special to the group, presumably like being from the Dominican Republic, or metal. She and Cecilia reassure Billy that they do want him to be part of the group. I think this is the part where they still think they're going to help Billy become properly socialized, which...is not going to happen. And then they all make out. Okay, not really, but it wouldn't be any more surprising than what's coming later.
Over to you, Puka! Unsurprisingly, Cao Boi is giving Jenny a brisk face rub, curing another headache with his hands. Jenny tells us that working in the sun had given her the headache to begin with, so she went directly to Cao Boi to address it, in spite of how freaked out she got last week when Brad got that red mark. In an interview, Cao Boi says that people who know him long enough eventually get the red mark at some point or another. Heh. In an interview, Jenny tells us that while it "felt great," she asked him not to put the same mark on her that was on Brad. I love that -- "I want the cure, but don't make me look weird, if that's possible." But, as we can see, she winds up with exactly the same mark, although she has no mirror and can't see it, so she's taking people's word for it that it's there. It kind of reminds me of Dwight from The Office walking around with a card on his head that said "Dwight." Although I think that was a deleted scene, so consider this the deleted part of the recap. "At least my headache's gone," she says in a chipper voice.
That night, Puka is ready to go to sleep, and Cao Boi is still chattering, specifically about how someone or other can "change your accent and start speaking Hindu." There is some muttering among the others. One of the women, I can't tell which, tells him that he really should stop all the Asian jokes and comments and so forth. Cao Boi tells her that he does this all the time, and that it's important to be able to "laugh at yourself." It appears to be Jenny having this conversation with him, and she tells him that she just doesn't think he's being very sensitive to the situation they're in. He tells her that he, unlike the rest of them, has "no hangups." And then he says, "Like, what do you call a Vietnamese with three dogs?" And then you just hear, "Oh, God." Ha! That was pretty funny. (We also received a tip on the forums that the punch line is "A vegetarian." My name is Miss Alli, and I do not approve this message. I am just the messenger, and I want you to know as much as you can as you go out into the world. The season is supposed to be educational. This week's lesson: potentially offensive jokes that could get you beaten up in a bar.)
Anyway, Brad tells Cao Boi that "the bigger picture" is that while the five of them in the group may understand the spirit in which a joke like that is meant, to other people -- those watching the show, he clearly means -- it's just more mockery of Asian people, which Brad doesn't think Asian people really need. Cao Boi says that he doesn't care what other people think, which I think is missing the point a little. I think Brad is saying you don't want to feed the stupid ideas of stupid people any more than their stupidity already does, which seems like a fair point. Cao Boi opines in an interview that they need to understand that representing your race doesn't mean "avoiding the jokes." Well, of course, they may have a different idea about what representing your race means than he has, and I find it a bit off-putting that he's clearly appointed himself the person in charge of teaching them how to be Asian-American, or how to not be Asian-American but Asian, or whatever this is supposed to be. I don't think any of them asked for pride lessons.
Back in the shelter, Yul tells Cao Boi that if you build your own jokes on stereotypes, you're just going to feed idiots who don't know any better. He really says it very well, although it doesn't impress Cao Boi. "Well, a joke is a joke, right?" Cao Boi says. "No, it's not," Brad says unhappily, and everyone else seems to agree. Cao Boi wants to tell one more joke, but they all tell him to please, please go to sleep. If nothing else, Cao Boi needs to learn to figure out when people want to go to bed. I don't think he went to enough slumber parties. In an interview, Yul says that he's all for a sense of humor, but not so much if it's at the expense of some particular ethnic group. What amuses me is that Yul seems to think this should be sort of obvious, that maybe he shouldn't have to sit on network television and be like, "I don't really like jokes about dog-eating, even when Asian people tell them." It's like he expected this to be a little more challenging.
Over at Aitu, also on Night 5, Billy is sleeping, and of course he's snoring, while the rest of the tribe is around the fire. Ozzy tells them all that they need to consider throwing the challenge tomorrow to get rid of Billy. Cristina is instantly against this idea. J.P. interviews that he was thinking of trying to get rid of Billy, too, so he was really glad Ozzy brought it up. Ozzy insists to the group that they'll be "stronger than ever," which is so stupid. Stronger at what? You're not starving. Chickens are practically walking up and high-fiving you, you have fire, you have water, you have all the fish you need...what good are you going to do for yourselves by throwing the challenge? It's crazy. The worst thing that happens if you try to win the challenge is that he makes you lose a later challenge, in which case you can still vote him off. You can't possibly gain anything by throwing a challenge to vote someone off in order to avoid losing a challenge and voting him off. In fact, why not keep an extra guy on your tribe who is sure to go before you do if your tribe happens to lose legitimately? Why make yourself the first target instead of keeping some dead weight handy? Cristina interviews that she just thinks it's depressing that they're already talking about throwing a challenge to get rid of someone when it's so early. "I don't know if I can trust Oscar anymore," she says.
At Raro on Day 6, they uncover some treemail. Adam reads it out loud as Parvati looks on with a blank smile that perfectly conveys the thought, "Whaa?" I think she's impressed to learn that he can read. The treemail refers to both reward and immunity, and it says that in addition to being "bound by honor," they will be "bound by belts and ropes." Dirty! Over at Hiki, when they read the clue, Nate says that already being down a person, they need to win this challenge.
Meanwhile at Aitu, Billy is wandering in the surf aimlessly as Cristina and Ozzy have a talk about throwing the challenge, which she still really doesn't want to do. She doesn't understand "booting someone that's going to be important to us in the long run." "I think we're booting someone that's going to be detrimental to us in the short run and the long run," Ozzy argues back. I just wish that instead of arguing about "good in the long run," as if his plan had pluses and minuses, Cristina had swatted him on the side of the head and pointed out that what he's saying makes no sense. I suppose that, as stated above, if you were strapped for provisions and couldn't feed everyone, it might come closer to being sane, but otherwise, there's no reason to boot the same person at an artificial intentional loss whom you could instead boot at your first natural loss. You're literally creating exactly the scenario you're supposedly trying to avoid. J.P., whom I am starting to really, really not like, tells Cristina, "You'd better get your head in this game if you want to stay in it longer, because he'll take you out." Who will? Billy will? Billy, who can barely lift his head, has no allies, and is probably talking to the chickens right about now? He's going to destroy you? What is J.P. flapping his gums about?
J.P. bitches that it's so meaningful that Billy isn't there right at that moment for their big powwow, as if he and Ozzy haven't already made it clear to the guy that they can't stand him and don't want him around. Nothing like a couple of bullies who shun the other guy and then stand around griping about how he goes off and sits by himself like a weirdo. "I know what I'm doing," J.P. announces. Ooh, I can't stand that. At the very least, if you're going to throw a challenge, I think you need unanimity. You can't declare that you're just going to try to lose with or without everyone else's consent. Ozzy gives an interview in which he says, "We might as well cut our losses now and get on with the game." That, of course, is literally the opposite of true. There is no such thing as "cutting your losses" in this game. There's only accelerating your losses -- the same losses you're trying to "cut." Look at it this way, idiot: if you all know that he's the first boot, then he can only possibly ever cost you one immunity challenge, and then you can boot him. Why would you throw one to get rid of him? It makes no sense.
Challenge clearing. Probst calls in the tribes. The other three tribes look interested and, in J.P.'s case, pleased that Sekou was voted off. Clearly, J.P. believes that the great big guy was obviously the biggest threat, because he kind of didn't pay attention to the last challenge very much. Jeff takes back immunity from everyone who has it, and he says that today is one of those challenges that starts with Jeff's Story Time. Gather 'round and have a cookie. This story will be about the three voyages of Captain Cook. When Jeff is done, the members of each tribe who are playing will all be tied together, and when he gives the signal, they'll start making their way through a course. First, under and over some logs. Then, through what they're calling a "field of poles," where you climb up and untie seven "answer plaques." Then, across a rope bridge. At the end, you take the seven plaques and use them to answer five questions on a board. He tells them that the challenge is for both reward and immunity -- the reward is a couple of tarps, which will be very handy in the rain that's sure to keep coming. Last tribe to finish goes to tribal council. And, just like last week, the losing tribe will have the privilege of sending someone to Exile Island.
Jeff also announces that every tribe but Hiki has to sit someone out, and this is where J.P. puts his "brilliant" plan into motion by insisting that he be the one to sit out. "I'm like the worst at memory!" he says. I see. We want the team to throw the challenge, but we don't want to actually participate. You big baby. Adam sits out for Raro (which I also don't get, given how bossy he is), and Jenny sits out for Puka. Those who are playing get tied together and gather at the starting line, and Jeff reads the story. When he's done, he announces that if your team isn't sure it remembers the story, there's a book at the beginning of each team's course, which you can peruse in order to make sure you learn the answers before you start.
Ready? Go! Predictably, the only team to stand around reading the book at the beginning is Aitu, led by Ozzy, who is the least convincing challenge-thrower of all time. I don't recommend poker for him, lest he feel the need to elbow someone every time he bluffs, just so that he can be congratulated. The other three tribes are quite even going through the logs and at the beginning of the poles. Hiki begins to lag behind as a result of only sending Nathan up the poles to untie plaques, where Puka and Raro are sending two people up at a time. Puka gets onto the rope bridge first, and they're very efficient getting across with a "left, right, left" rhythm. Meanwhile, Ozzy is untying plaques as slowly as possible, wearing a weaselly little smile the entire time. Smug is very unflattering.
So it's Puka and Raro getting to the story questions first, with Puka ahead by a small margin. Both tribes appear to finish at the same time, but Probst suddenly says, "You've got to get on your mats!", which he totally did not say at the beginning. Both tribes jump for their mats, and despite the fact that he was clearly separated from at least one tribe by a black separator designed to keep them from seeing each other's work, Probst announces that Puka has won. Flicka immediately protests that they were on their mat first, although she has no idea either. Jeff does say that Raro has the questions right, so now it's down to Hiki and Aitu for the last immunity spot. Finally noticing that Aitu is not trying at all, Jeff contemptuously says, "Aitu is having a holiday." Hiki finishes the questions and gets the last immunity. It's kind of a bummer seeing Hiki celebrate -- Nate jumps about three feet in the air -- when they win immunity. You know they probably feel like chumps watching it back and not realizing that the challenge had been thrown, but in reality, they still did play better and deserve it, because they were smart enough not to throw the damn challenge. This is the other problem with challenge-throwing: Hiki just got a huge morale boost, because they don't know that Aitu threw it, so they got the same improvement in their frame of mind that they'd have gotten if they won it fair and square.
So when everyone is all situated at the end of the course and Aitu has finally stopped pretending to do things at half-speed by accident, Jeff announces that "after reviewing the tapes," it turns out that Puka and Raro tied at the end, so they'll each be getting two tarps. A tie? A tie? But if it's a tie, how will we know which race is better at obstacle courses? Come on, I want to know! Aitu has earned the right, by losing, to send someone from any other tribe to Exile Island. Billy announces that they're sending Yul, because when you identify someone as smart and awesome and a leader and boffo at challenges, what you really want to do is put him in the position of having secret immunity and being even harder to get rid of. Idiots. Being on Exile Island does not weaken people enough that they lose challenges. It just doesn't. It's only a couple of days, and if you pick a guy who's strong to begin with, he's going to have enough food and water to maintain. It's just a goofy decision, same as it was to let Terry wind up with the immunity idol last time. Yul heads down to the beach to be picked up by the boat.
And now, fatefully, Candice is standing to Aitu, and she turns to them and says, "I feel really bad for you guys!" "I'm ," a dead-eyed Billy mutters to her. "We love you!" Candice says, in that "aww, that's okay, we love you!" kind of way you dish out to people right after they fall in a mud puddle or something. Billy looks back at her solemnly and says, "I love you." Eyes scrunch up across the country. "Wait...what did he say?" they all wonder. Jeff hands the pieces of the immunity idol to the tribes who walked off with immunity. And Aitu? Well, poor Aitu will be going to tribal council later, just as it intended.
Later, Aitu is returning to camp. "Well, that sucked," someone says. Ozzy interviews that they lost the challenge on purpose, and he refers to it as "something that [they] had to do." Which, of course, it wasn't. "Billy dug his own hole by just not working," Ozzy announces. "And his lack of work showed a lack of commitment to the tribe." This is so lame, man. This is just a couple of smug shirtless volleyball dudes ganging up on the weird out-of-shape guy, and all attempts to disguise it as something else are nonsense. It's true that Billy doesn't work, and it's true that it might be a reason, but it's not their reason. Their reason is just that they don't dig him, and the idea of sandbagging him and shunning him amuses them, I think. So J.P. and the other quitters sit around, and he talks about how they would have won it without any problem if they'd been trying. He laughs at how they were supposedly catching up to Hiki, which...I do not think is the case. Cristina tells us that throwing the challenge really bugged her, and it made her conclude that "Oscar's very conniving." She adds, "I really see him trying to control everything." Me too, lady. Boot him! Along those lines, we see Ozzy lecturing about her technique as Cristina tries to hack open a coconut. And...I get that he might need to lecture about the shelter, but you might want to ease up and let her open her own coconuts. That is not a euphemism. Billy explains to us that things do not look good for him right now. It's all "pretty bleak," as he puts it. He says he's just looking for "some opening, some crack to go through."
A woman's voice sings, and then we are at Exile Island with Yul. He interviews that it "really sucked," partly because "there's pretty much nothing on it." It certainly does look like a boring place to hang out. No videogames, no books, no tribemates doing alternative medicine, no racist jokes...it's a real drag. Yul tells us that he misses his tribe, and he hopes they miss him, too. Heh. Maybe Cao Boi is telling all his dog jokes while the rest of the tribe is weakened by Yul's absence.
Meanwhile, Yul pulls out the clue, which clarifies that Jonathan was right last week about "top grade" referring to an A. More specifically, you use your view of another island to make the crossbar of the A, and then there's that bit again about standing so as to make the south island disappear. Yul shows us how he lines himself up so that the island behind the inverted-V mast appears to make a capital A, and then he walks up and down until the southern island disappears from view. He makes a mark in the sand with his machete and starts to dig. Without much to do, of course, he has some time to devote to this project.
Yul is quite persistent, ultimately digging a hole probably three feet across and a couple of feet deep. As he expands it horizontally, at its edge, only about halfway down the side, he finally feels something. "Holy cow," he says. "Oh, mama," he adds, and he pulls out a little package all wrapped up in paper made of hope. "Oh...wow," he says, and then he laughs delightfully, a little chuckle, like, "What the fuck?" I love that chuckle. He opens the little box. It turns out that the immunity idol is a compass, which is pretty cool, but not so much an "idol" as a "tool." I guess "immunity tool" makes it sound too much like you're talking about Probst. The immunity tool comes with instructions. They're much clearer this year about the idol being good up to and including the F4 tribal council, and there are also more specific instructions about the fact that you can give it to someone else, but you have to do it before you leave the beach for tribal council, and you can't transfer it while you're there. It also says -- note well -- "The immunity idol cannot be stolen from you." Meaning that possession passes through official channels only -- you find it, or you officially transfer it. No findsies. It also means you probably can't steal it back if you give it to someone and they're supposed to give it back to you and they don't. In other words, if you make a deal to transfer it to someone else, and if they're supposed to transfer it back to you if they don't need it, then you'd better trust them, because if they decide to keep it, they keep it. There is also a reference to restrictions on the use of "any immunity idol," providing some suggestion that there may eventually be more than one. In an interview, Yul calls this "probably the biggest single stroke of luck [he] could have had." Yeah, that and the stupidity of the people who sent you to the island instead of, say, Parvati.
At Aitu, Cecilia is telling J.P. that she feels bad about Billy walking around like "a zombie." "I feel bad," she says. "You don't feel bad?" He shrugs. I don't think sympathy is a big emotion with J.P. He tells Cecilia that Billy is "not trustworthy." She looks dubious. I have to say, since I don't favor the ladies, I don't always notice as much as others might, but Cecilia is gorgeous, dude. And she's not giant-teeth-big-dead-eyes "pretty" in the way they usually favor, either. She looks like she eats protein, which supplies vitamins, which keep her hair shiny and her cheeks from hollowing out, and which cause her to have strong bones you can't count from a distance of fifty yards.
Billy and Cristina have a talk in which he talks about how he's just sure that the guys threw the challenge and "played [him] for a patsy." Cristina confirms that that's exactly what happened. He also tells Cristina that when he's gone, she's . Which is, I suspect, entirely true, depending on what Cecelia decides. Billy tells Cristina she'd better hope they don't throw another challenge to get rid of her. She smiles kindly, because I thinks she knows that he's basically right, but she doesn't know what to do about it. Making waves is so hard when you have the option of just keeping your head down and using the "as long as it's not me" rule. Billy interviews that getting help from Cristina is pretty much his only option right now. He says he's pretty sure that she understood what he was telling her. "It flies with her; she understands it." As we will soon learn, Billy has a particular talent for interpreting women's thoughts. Cristina tells Billy she doesn't trust Ozzy in the slightest. In an interview, Cristina confirms that she sees Ozzy as the big threat at this point. "I'm going to talk to Cece," she tells Billy. Intrigue!
Later, as Ozzy and J.P. are studding around getting coconuts to fall out of trees and wondering whether it makes their dicks look bigger ("Do you think so, dude?" "Oh, I totally think so"), Cristina asks Cecilia, in Spanish, if she has a deal with Ozzy. Cecilia responds, also in Spanish, that she doesn't, and then she says, "No, girl. We're on the same page." Heh. Cecilia recalls this discussion in an interview, making note of the fact that the question was in Spanish. There were varying views on the boards from people more knowledgeable than I about why Cristina might have done it in Spanish -- everything from she felt like it, to a hope that the guys wouldn't understand her, to the idea that it was a way of forming or cementing a bond or communicating that she could be trusted. It's interesting in any event. Cecilia also notes, rather perceptively, that Cristina is used to working with partners in her job, so she may be trying to build one of those absolute-trust relationships. That is an interesting catch, and not without merit. Cecilia assures us that she is, no kidding, being honest with Cristina. I would love to see those two team up. I like them both, and they're stuck on a team with jerkweeds I can't stand. Cecilia tells Cristina that whatever Cristina decides to do, she's fine with it.
In an interview, Ozzy says that Billy will probably be "going behind [Ozzy's] back and trying to switch people over." Not going behind your back! When you're in the middle of trying to get rid of him! That fiend! Ozzy adds that if the tribe wants to vote him out, they can. "I know that they're going to suffer really bad if they lose me," he says. The thing about this kid is that...he's trying really hard to be kind of controlling and big-personality, and he just can't pull it off. He's cocky, but he's still dull. There's no there there; he's just talk. Billy tells us again that his best chance at survival is that Cristina might have been able to sway a vote in his favor. "All my chips are on Cristina," he says as they get in their boat to head for tribal council.
Tribal council. Oh, tribal council. Oh, this particular tribal council. They all dip their torches and get fire. Jeff wants to talk about how the first six days have been. He asks Billy whether a leader stepped up. Billy says that "Ozzy emerged as the big voice," and Ozzy squirms a little. Billy says that Ozzy is "very much an outdoorsman." Jeff asks Cristina whether she agrees that Ozzy is a leader. "I don't think that he's a leader," she says. "I think that he tries to take control of certain things because he does have experience in this area." Ooh, interesting distinction, and quite fair -- bossy people are not leaders, necessarily. Jeff asks Ozzy if he's the leader, and Ozzy says that he isn't; he just tries to share his "specific knowledge." "If I don't voice my opinion, then it's going to get done wrong," he says. Yep. Had you not been there, your entire tribe would have died. Thanks, Rupert, for building us a giant beach hole to live in. He tries to recover by saying that the tribe's "strongest thing" is that they're all able to work together as a team to get stuff done. He goes on about how they know that they're going to be stronger than anyone if they work hard. I love the fact that Ozzy can straight-facedly claim, apparently, that the "strongest thing" is teamwork when he just intentionally biffed a challenge in order to get rid of a guy. I love togetherness! Let's sing!
Jeff looks at Ozzy like he just claimed credit for inventing the cotton gin. "You think this tribe represented themselves well in the last challenge?" Jeff asks. "No," Ozzy calmly says. "The last challenge, not really." Jeff calls out Billy for egregious eye-rolling at that question. Billy says that the loss had a lot to do with him, because J.P. and Ozzy decided that he was so bad for the tribe that they'd throw the challenge and get rid of him. "J.P., you threw a challenge with only five tribe members? You're already willing to lose somebody?" Jeff asks. "At this point, yeah," J.P. says. "I don't believe in having to carry weight of somebody who I don't believe is trusting, and two, who doesn't carry the workload." Well, those randomly assembled words are pretty hard to argue with, unless I were to come up with a different combination of randomly assembled words. Jeff asks Billy if he's surprised at the bit about trust, and Billy says that he gets that it's a game. "But I fell into a classic trap," he says, "and now I'm on the chopping block." J.P. feels the need to cut Billy off, all "n-n-n-n-no," because apparently intentionally losing and booting the guy isn't enough -- you have to make sure you embarrass him. J.P. throws a thumb at Billy and says, "I hate the way he's trying to sound like he's a victim." Let's see...other people gang up...plot against you...lie to you...pretend to compete but conspire to lose...intend to lose the whole time...I'd say he's a victim of something. Namely, he's a victim of exactly what he's saying he's a victim of, which is a sandbagging. Billy tries to get back in the discussion, and J.P. says, "And you know how to say the greatest things to make yourself look so damn good." He...does? Billy does? Billy is a smooth talker now? J.P., your standards are low, dear. There is some more bickering to the effect of how Billy didn't involve himself, or else they didn't let him, and so forth. Billy finally tries to get J.P. to shut up, calling him a "bully," and J.P. just keeps repeating how Billy is "not valuable."
And then Billy wants to speak to us again. He tells Jeff that in all honesty, he doesn't even care. "My prize isn't even a million dollars," he says. "My prize is I fell in love in this game." Jeff's eyes pop open. I think he wonders at first whether maybe Billy is going to say that he fell in love with the Cook Islands, or with dehydration, or with Jeff himself -- something that Jeff thinks would make some sense. "Love at first sight," Billy continues. J.P. makes a "the fuck?" face. "Her name is Candice," Billy continues. Jeff jumps forward in his seat. I have watched maybe 150 tribal councils, and I've never seen Jeff anywhere near this surprised. to Billy, Cristina is holding her composure, but she's looking conspiratorially at Jeff, like she's trying not to laugh. And then Cristina and Cecilia simultaneously burst out laughing. "Candice from Raro tribe," Jeff clarifies, thinking that maybe Billy is thinking of someone on his own tribe and has the wrong name. Because that would at least be someone he's...met. "After the last challenge," Billy explains, "we sort of mouthed the words 'I love you' to one another." Jeff leans forward with a grin on his face and his hand over his mouth, like he cannot believe he is getting this lucky. I guess I can stop writing for the reunion show, he thinks to himself. "So that is my prize. And my prize was her." J.P., humorless and mean to the core, is acting like what Billy is saying is merely stupid, when the human reaction is to find it either deeply sad or stupendously and darkly awesome. "I've never heard anything that surprised me more than what you just said," Jeff says. "And I want to be respectful, because I don't know what happened, but...what would she base feeling the same way you feel...on?" That is a tortured sentence, and that preposition is all "Don't leave me out here!", but it's not like Jeff isn't basically correct. "I think it's just, you know, love at first sight. I think it's just a rapport thing." "So you're absolutely sincere right now," Jeff says, kind of wishing he could believe Billy was bullshitting, at least a little. "I'm dead serious," says Billy.
Jeff turns to Ozzy. "Have you noticed anything between Candice and Billy?" he asks. Ozzy laughs indulgently (big of him) and says that he hasn't noticed anything, but of course, he wasn't looking. Asked for his opinion of Bildice, J.P. says, "Look, I'm sorry, but from the beginning, he was sketchy. Just shady." What does that have to do with the question? WHAT OF BILDICE? J.P. says a lot of nothing when "I don't know what he's talking about" would have sufficed. Jeff asks Cristina whether it's all just a little unreal. "I think anything's possible in life," she says gently. "But I feel very leery for Billy." Jeff calls Cristina out on having some kind of "soft spot" for the big guy. "I just don't want him to get hurt," she says, instantly focusing on the one thing about this that is sort of significant on a human level, assuming he's not full of shit. "I just hate when people get taken advantage of," she says. "I just am not into the dishonesty and the backstabbing. I just really...taking care of him, that's just looking out for his best interests." That was a weirdly muddled answer combining topics that have nothing to do with each other. I think she's spent too much time around people who write up reports using the word "indicated" instead of "said."
So now, it's time to vote. Ozzy votes. J.P. votes. "If I can't trust you now, I won't be able to trust you later on in the game," he says. Whatever, meathead. Cristina votes. Billy votes for Ozzy. "The only reason I'm voting for you is because you are the best player in the Aitutaki tribe," he says. Cecilia votes. Jeff goes off to "tally." When he returns, he reads the first vote for Billy. Then Ozzy. Then Billy. Then...Billy is toast. He goes over to Jeff and gets snuffed. When he's gone, Jeff tells the tribe that work ethic and trust both came up -- they just handled work ethic, so now it's just trust. Shouldn't be a problem, considering what a big moment that was for togetherness and honesty.
In his farewell speech, Billy says that he thinks it's cool that the metal guy got bounced by a guy named Ozzy. Heh. He also says that he thinks he would have fit in better if there had been a heavy metal tribe. And...perhaps so, sir. Perhaps so.