You've heard about it, you've waited for it, and here it is: four tribes, divided by race. Shockingly, the contestants' own good humor about the weirdness of the situation relieves a lot of the discomfort early on. Of course, if you're looking for true "diversity," you might wish for a few more people not from California, not to mention a few more people who aren't already associated with television. On the other hand, it's not bad when the first guy sent to Exile Island used to be on The Naked Truth and is banished for being a rotten chicken-stealer. Hiki (also known as "The African-American Tribe") loses the first challenge after struggling with one of the show's patented puzzle boats, and it quickly becomes clear that as much as The Mark Burnett Accounting Firm And Alligator Wrestling Company may have been hoping for racial politics to dominate, there are also plenty of gender politics to contend with. Specifically, the two Hiki men decide to take over the decision-making, and the three women are like, "Not so much," and before you know it, the first person out is one of the two guys. Goodbye, Sekou. Elsewhere, we learn a little bit about curing headaches with welts, a little bit about incredibly early snuggles, and a whole lot about our humanity. Okay, I'm just kidding about the last one.
Previously: Mark Burnett found himself in the position of saying to several hundred people, "No, I am not kidding. Man, why do people keep asking me that?"
The opening helicopter shot, in which we are flown over an idyllic, misty land mass surrounded by water, is our immediate indicator that our every expectation is about to be challenged, because everything has changed. A sailboat cruises through the water, and what stands out is that it is carrying something other than people who, demographically, could be the members of the University of Wisconsin-Oshkosh 1997-98 cheerleading squad, so now it is looking kind of different. The boat pitches as if it is perhaps about to capsize and bring the season to a sudden, dramatic, and possibly rather karmic conclusion, but instead, it settles back down, and we continue.
Jeff "You Learn Something New Every Day, And For Me, Today's Fact Is That Not All Asian People Are From The Same Country" Probst solemnly announces that the ship is "cutting through the remote waters of the South Pacific." You know, I would totally watch Survivor: South Pacific, in which the challenges involved washing that man right out of your hair. But at any rate, Jeff says that we are on our way to the Cook Islands. (From this part of the premiere, they cut Jeff's shout of, "Did you even know there were islands named after Rachael Leigh Cook? My horizons, they are broadened!") These strangers are going to be left without resources and so forth, and they'll be forming their own society, and all those other creepy, rat-in-a-maze things. Behold, the power of cheese.
"This is their story," Jeff says, and the anchor is thrown overboard. He explains that survivors have been given two minutes to get whatever they can. Immediately, all the contestants begin to scramble to untie and run off with everything that's on the ship. There are a couple of live chickens available, and one of them makes a run for it, flapping its way into the water, at which point it's like, "Okay, do I look like a penguin? Do I look like I'm meant for this? Do you suppose one of you useless schmoes with the cameras could get off your asses and help a chicken out?" An attractive young dude grabs the chicken. (Chicken: "Thanks! Oh, wait...shit.") Jeff also announces -- meaning we do not see this revealed to the contestants -- that they have been divided into the much-discussed four racially/ethnically (I'm not going there) separate tribes. There is the Caucasian Tribe, the African-American Tribe, the Hispanic Tribe, and the Asian-American Tribe. Yep, that should cover everybody, pretty much!
I have to say, at this point, my brain started to construct an incredibly offensive and elaborate mental picture, which I will now share with you, because we are all in this together, after all. We are outside a closed door with a sign on it that reads, "The Casting Office Of The Mark Burnett Accounting Firm And Alligator-Wrestling Company." And we are looking at a line that stretches through the office and out into the hall, made up of people dressed up as every ethnic stereotype that they have not managed to include. You see the Eskimo, complete with harpoon; maybe Chief Wahoo, the mascot of the Cleveland Indians; a Sikh with a turban...you see what I mean. And they're all waiting in line patiently outside the casting office. The door opens. A neatly dressed woman peeks out. "I'm sorry; we're all full. Thanks for coming in." She closes the door. They all dejectedly walk away, dragging their assorted props. And...scene! Sign up here for sensitivity training!
Probst calls this "a social experiment." Internet moderators everywhere call these The Days Of Wine And Enormous Fistfuls Of Xanax.
Jeff says that each tribe will live on its own island, separate and apart, the way nature intended. As everyone jumps into the water, the cymbals coordinate perfectly with the splashes. Crash! Crash! Several tribes debut their society-building skills by dumping their material possessions into the ocean. So now we have the squandering of resources; let's move on to the raping of the earth and the oppression of the weak, and they really will be forming their own society. Yay! "Thirty seconds!" Jeff yells. An older dude with a ponytail says something about "the chicken," but it turns out that the chicken has been stolen. From the Asian-American team. By a white guy. You know, I feel like for this season, there should be some sound, like "doink," that we can all agree to make when something happens that would normally motivate us to say something kind of like: "I'm not saying it's funny, because even admitting it's funny means that I am recognizing that a stereotype exists, and by recognizing the existence of the stereotype and the unfortunate coincidence of what just happened, I am in no way implying that it is not a stereotype or that it is accurate; I am only saying that it is unfortunate in terms of timing, and I beg you not to misunderstand, and to instead embrace the incredible awkwardness with me so that we may contribute to the world's ability to work together in a spirit of peace and understanding." So, let's just say the white guy started off the proceedings by stealing all the stuff for himself. Doink. People jump into the water as Jeff becomes increasingly agitated, ordering them to "get overboard." Nothing like the pretty rich white dude ordering everybody to get off his goddamn boat and swim for it. It's hard to see what could possibly be ill-advised about this, isn't it?
The tribes begin to paddle away from the boat as the familiar music swells. "Thirty-nine days, twenty people, one survivor!" Jeff says. And he's standing there on the boat like he's ordering a martini. What ever happened to hanging his ass from a waterfall or dangling him between the jaws of a tiger? If this is what we're doing, why not just have him sitting on a lounge chair being fanned by a cabana boy while kittens frolic at his feet? Soft, Probst! You've gone soft!
Credits. The earth appears, in one shot, to be made of chocolate. I can get behind that.
We return to observe the four tribes madly paddling away from Jeff Probst before he throws a harpoon at them. (One of my friends told me I should call the tribes "Plessy," "Ferguson," "Brown," and "Board of Education." Honestly, I could fill an entire season of recaps with incredibly tasteless jokes made by my sympathetic friends in the last month, one of which ends, "This analysis brought to you by Reggie White's ghost." I'm not even telling you anything about that one.)
Our first interview comes from young Ozzy ("Waiter"), a curly-mopped youngster of the "Aitu" (formerly known as "Hispanic") tribe, who says that his first thought when he saw the racially divided tribes was "Oh, God. This is going to be hard." And why? "Because as a people...that have the same ethnicity...we'll kind of clash on things." Over on the "Hiki" (f/k/a "African-American") tribe, Sundra ("Actress") tells us that she really could give a shit about racial divisions -- the show is "a human effort." On the "Puka" (f/k/a "Asian-American") tribe, Yul ("Management Consultant"), who is one blindingly hot dude -- and I'll have you know I thought so before I knew he went to Yale Law School -- says that he thought the racial division was "crazy." He likes the idea of more minorities than usual (meaning more than "not enough for a decent game of Go Fish"), but he's concerned that it's going to play into "caricatures and stereotypes." I certainly would hate to see that happen to Survivor, wouldn't you? "I don't know," he says, dubious. "It'll be interesting to see how things play out." You can kind of read on his face that he's wondering whether he has made an enormous mistake in being here. That speaks well of him. On the "Raro" (f/k/a "Caucasian") tribe, Parvati ("Boxer") talks about her weird feelings about dividing up by ethnic groups. "Is that...kosher?" she asks, a little hilariously. She chooses to go with the flow by endorsing it as potentially a "cool social experiment." Parvati, meet Dr. Milgram ("Scientist"). Not all "cool social experiments" are ones you want to be part of.
On the Aitu raft, Billy ("Heavy Metal Musician") tells his tribe mates that it feels backwards to him, since their parents -- his parents, at least -- got on rafts and left an island, and now he's paddling back. Asked where his parents are from, he says that they're from the Dominican Republic. Billy explains in an interview that he immediately figured there would be a huge advantage for his team, since all Hispanic people are from "Caribbean or South American backgrounds." He continues: "We're used to being in a tropical setting." It's so nice to know that "dumb-ass" is the universal language. Because..."We're all of Hispanic/Latino backgrounds, so catching our own food on a strip of sand will be a snap" doesn't sound to me like an image you'd really want to convey, even if you could do so convincingly. Cecilia ("Risk Consultant") looks on the bright side and says that she sees it as "a unique opportunity to represent our community in a positive way." Billy tells them that they should start with the shelter, and then he knows how to "make a toilet." I kind of like the idea that this was probably part of his plan, you know? Like, "I will secure my position by being the guy who can make a toilet. I will be Toilet Guy!" Fire, nimrods. Be the guy who can make fire.
J.P. ("Volleyball Pro") says that Billy announced all these things he knew how to do, and that J.P. didn't want to "judge him on his appearance," even though Billy's "out of shape." As Billy attempts to "cut" bamboo by whanging it against a tree until it collapses, Ozzy says that he was pretty sure based on that sight that Billy wasn't so much an expert on living in the tropics. Maybe he misunderstood when somebody told him how well he handled an axe. (Hotcha! My one guitar joke! Hope he doesn't play the tambourine!) Ozzy adds that he, in fact, took over and put the shelter together, but that he was trying to avoid leadership, which he didn't want. We then watch as he shimmies up a tree to get some coconuts. J.P. says that he could only think of Mowgli in The Jungle Book. Okay! Now we're getting somewhere with the uncomfortable imagery! Aitu sits down to share some coconuts, and Ozzy says that he thinks they have the strongest tribe. They'll certainly have the strongest toilet, and that's got to be worth something.
Puka paddles toward its island. Someone we will later know as Cao Boi teases, "I can't believe a bunch of Asians who are so little weigh so much." "No more Asian jokes," says one of the women, irritated. "All that rice!" Cao Boi continues. "Don't make stereotypes," another voice puts in. "Don't make stereotype what?" he asks. "What's fact is fact." Cao Boi then explains in an interview that he is a refugee (as well as a "Nail Salon Manager"), and he came to the United States after the Vietnam War. He says that if he can survive the war, he can survive this, which is the kind of comparison I always think is really uncomfortable. Real hardship over there; pretend hardship over here. Let us not confuse the two. Cao Boi helps drag the raft up onto the beach. "Second time being a boat person!" he says enthusiastically. He insists in his interview that he thinks they'll be able to fly under the radar, because nobody will expect the "little people with slanted eyes" to be able to see or do anything. Yeah, I can see how not everyone would want this particular gentleman to be the public face of the tribe. "People always underestimate the Asian," he says, and it's so funny, because he thinks he's saying something really profound, but of course, reality-show contestants have been claiming that they'll be underestimated based on some characteristic or another for years. Maybe forever. People underestimate the young, the old, the fat, the gay, the female, the blond, the gorgeous...pretty much everyone suspects they will be underestimated except for ugly twenty-two-year-old straight white male bodybuilders. It's a small world after all. Let's sing!
Jenny ("Real Estate") (seems like there should be another noun there, as I suspect she is not, herself, "Real Estate") explains that Puka is "comprised of" five Asians. I have to tell you, "comprised of" was the most important usage error of my entire life, and if I had not made it, I would be a far, far less happy person, so I always have a very special place in my heart for it, but I also notice it every time it happens, making it simultaneously one of my great joys and one of the great thorns in my side. Damn you, internet! Anyway, Jenny explains that she's Filipino, Yul and Becky are Korean, Brad is Filipino-Hawaiian, and Cao Boi is Vietnamese. These are all, you see, different countries. (Jeff Probst: "I knew that! I did! I knew that before you said it!") "We're a mixed group ourselves within the Asian community." Watch out, Jenny! You'll ruin the beautiful illusion of four homogenous teams making up the entire world population! It would make the Olympics so much shorter! If we invented one more medal, everyone could be a winner! The world's slowest athlete would win the tin! LET'S SING!
As Cao Boi chops a coconut, he tells the group that there was a monk in Vietnam who lived many years just on coconuts. "I have a feeling you're going to be telling a lot of stories tonight," Brad says dryly and warily. Yul tells us in an interview that there's a "schism" and a "generational gap" between Cao Boi and the rest of the group. Cao Boi, for his part, says that he's never been "accepted by the Asian community." "I don't look educated," he says, "I don't fit the stereotype: hard-working, Mr. Engineers with jacket, suit, and tie, drive nice cars...I just don't fit the stereotype. I belong in a hippie community." It's interesting, because on one hand, this is a really interesting cultural moment, and on the other hand, it's Angie being all "I'm different," and it's Aaron and Arianne being self-consciously "alternative," and it's really new and really the same as always, if you see my point.
Hiki goes up on the beach. Sekou, a large guy with a bandanna tied around his head, tries to get a cheer of "represent, represent, represent" going, but it's not clear whether there's 100% agreement on that point. Stephannie (the extra "n" is for "Nursing Student") says in an interview that there is that all the "represent" pressure, to "represent our people." Rebecca ("Make-Up Artist") says the same, and she thinks there's pressure to show that "yes, black people do swim, yes, black people do know how to get on a boat and paddle. [They] don't just run track." Heh. Someday, I hope to demonstrate the same thing about Quakers and making oatmeal.
As the women work on the palm fronds for the shelter, the guys ask if they're "giving them some corn rows," and there is laughter all around. Sundra says that it's not really about race with their team -- they're "a bunch of city kids." She thinks lack of experience with these surroundings is more important to them than the fact that they're black. The show carefully includes the part where, at one point, young Nathan reacts to one suggestion with, "That is so ghetto." Nathan ("Retail Sales") claims that while they're doing fine, "Black people don't like to be told what to do." I don't know that any people really like to be told what to do, dude. At least not people who get on this show. Pity the leaders and how they tend to go home early. At one point, Stephannie gently refers to her effort to understand how Sekou is suggesting they build the shelter as "trying to figure out his vision." There is a pause. "I have a dream!" Sekou responds, and they all laugh. Sekou ("Jazz Musician") says that he has "leadership" and has been able to pull the group together. (No, Sekou, no!) There is a reference to the shelter as "low-income housing," and it's interesting, because this is the same kind of stuff that's getting Cao Boi in trouble over at Puka, but it's not seeming to bother Hiki at all. You'd almost think that groups this small, where the social stuff is taking place at a micro level, tend to be dominated by individual, rather than ethnic, personality variations. Go figure.Shark in the water.
And now Raro, with its ill-gotten chickens, paddles toward its island. Adam ("Copier Sales") says that he doesn't really care about divisions by race. He insists that race isn't important. It doesn't matter what race you are; it's the kind of person you have in your tribe. (Doink.) Jonathan ("Writer") (and also, "Dude Who Was On The Nanny And The Naked Truth And Was In The Last Supper With Cameron Diaz, So Don't Be All "Writer," You Actor) says that it really is a "social experiment." But he doesn't think that "cultural similarities" will make groups more "cohesive."
"Great haul," someone observes, because Raro wound up with a honkload of booty. They are privileged! (Doink.) Jessica ("Roller Girl") (is that her job?), who is covered with tattoos and is wearing long green stockings, says that they were all just excited about pulling in so much more of the material goods than everyone else! (Doink.) Among other things, it appears that they wound up with both of the available chickens. Jonathan says that he took the chicken away from Puka, and the team stashes its two chickens under a crate. (Chicken: "Okay, now I'm in the dark. This is, like, the worst boat ride I have ever taken in my entire life. Can I get a flashlight, at least?")
The members of Raro crack open a coconut to "toast," and Jessica sort of gamely says, "To the whiteys!", throwing her arms over her head. I sort of feel her on that. I mean, what are you supposed to do? You kind of can't cheer for yourself unironically, so you can either cheer for yourself ironically or forget the whole thing. Jessica loses me, however, when she explains that they have all kinds in their group, and she's "alternative." Her hair is certainly somewhat alternative, as she has herself some goofy-looking dreadlocks. When Jonathan asks her name, Jessica tells him, "Jessica, but my friends call me Flicka." Oh, of course they do. So Flicka appears to forget for a moment that the chickens are under the crate, and she lifts it up, and the chickens get out and make a mad dash into the woods. The tribe runs after the chickens, but the chickens have escaped and cannot be recaptured. (Chicken: "Oh-my-God oh-my-God oh-my-God I'm running I'm running I'm running...") Jonathan says that he can actually hear the chickens out in the woods taunting him. Chickens are awesome. "I can forgive her," he says of Flicka. "But I don't have to forgive her, because she screwed up my chickens." He just has "potential asshole" written all over him, this guy.
Shark's teeth coming at the camera.
And now, in more plot-related news, Sundra and Rebecca have found the barrel of water at Hiki. They're aware that they're not supposed to drink it until they get fire and boil it, but then they should be good to go. Sundra says that she and Rebecca are getting along well -- they're both from New York, so there's that. They're also both in show business, of course. Stephannie says that the two of them are already closer than she's going to get to either of them. She finds it something that's worth "watching." Sekou says that they won't give up, and they'll work on fire. He tries the "rub a stick in a groove in another stick" method, but he has no luck, just as no one ever has any luck. Sekou quickly says that he needs a break, and he wanders off on his own. Stephannie continues working on the fire, but she's not getting anywhere either. She's getting a bit aggravated with Sekou's affinity for break-taking, but she's decided to let it slide for now. I think she is of the opinion that perhaps you take your break after your first accomplishment, which they do not yet seem to have...accomplished.
At Raro, Adam and Candice have already discovered each other, and are snuggling up together to sleep. The entire group is forming a "cuddle puddle," but those two in particular are getting pretty heavily into it all. Adam says that the "good-looking girls" make the island "more bearable." Parvati says that Adam is adopting the attitude like he wants to take care of little Candice. "Romance is in the air," she observes. That? Is not romance. That is television.
Over at Puka, Brad is explaining to Cao Boi that he has a headache in the front of his face from all the seasickness. And it's completely true, in my experience, that when you're sick to your stomach and throwing up a lot, you can easily wind up with a headache from essentially the pressure that builds up from all the retching. I mean, it's not pleasant, but it's true. Your entire body is tensing up, so...it follows. Cao Boi has Brad sit down. He tells us in an interview that what Brad had would be referred to in Vietnam as a "bad wind." Not the same thing that would be referred to among the people I know as a "bad wind," but the people I know are (a) crude; and (b) not Vietnamese. He begins to give Brad what amounts to a very, very brisk sinus massage with his thumbs. He tells Brad that he's "pulling this bad wind out of [him]," but whatever you call it, he's massaging the brow bones down across the forehead and down Brad's nose. Cao Boi tells us that if it's not a regular migraine, and it's not on one side or in the back of the head, it's usually the sinuses. I think most doctors would essentially agree, statistically speaking. We now see that Cao Boi is doing this thing where he pinches Brad's forehead between his eyes really hard, and he kind of does it over and over, like he's plucking his eyebrows. He then tells Brad that he'll feel better -- but warns him about the big red welt between his eyes. And indeed, he has a whopper. Cao Boi calls it an "indicator," but obviously, if you pinch yourself, you can make a mark like that come up. You can tell he did the pinches both kind of hard and for a long time, though. It's definitely the most pinching that has ever been seen in a Survivor premiere.
Brad goes back and talks to Jenny and Becky, who are kind of appalled by the giant red mark. Brad explains what Cao Boi did. "It looks like it's burned," Jenny says in disbelief. Cao Boi voices over that the rest of the group is "Asian-American" in the true sense, because they were born in America. They aren't really steeped in things from actual other countries, the way he is. He says that in Vietnam and other countries, there wasn't access to "antibiotics" (not that you need antibiotics for headaches, but...you see his point), so they "figure out other ways to do." Yul is kind of fascinated as Brad explains to him that whatever Cao Boi did, it did indeed get rid of his headache. There's a great way that Cao Boi just kind of sits and eats a coconut as all these other people try to decide how they feel about what Brad is telling them. Brad interviews that on the one hand, he doesn't have a headache. On the other hand, he has a big red welt. Heh. He's cute. Yul tells us that he finds Cao Boi "an interesting guy." He admits that at first, he wrote him off as a sort of aging hippie. "But in between the random kind of inane nonsense, there's actually, like, gems and nuggets of information that are actually useful." I hope you noticed that he just summed up this show in one sentence. Incidentally, one of the EEFPs told us that he used to get the same treatment at home for his back, complete with welts. I have officially learned something interesting from Survivor. That may be a first.
Back from commercials, Aitu collects their treemail. It talks about paddling to get fire, and this seems to make Ozzy very happy. Billy says that he'd like for them to win, but it's still early.
We make our way to a challenge beach, where Jeff brings in all the tribes. Jeff's first question has to do with the chickens. Yul confirms that someone made off with the chicken he originally had. When called out, Jonathan sort of claims not to know who the chicken belonged to, but I don't think anyone is buying that. I kind wanted to see the chicken run out of the woods all, "J'accuse!"
Now, Jeff explains the challenge. When he says go, you race down the beach and assemble a "puzzle boat," which is held together with braces. Then you paddle out and light a torch. Paddle back, take the braces off the boat, and head for another set of puzzles, where you'll put pieces together to form an N, S, E, and W. When that's done, you take the braces over to a tower and use them as rungs to climb up and put your compass-point puzzles into four slots in the side of the tower. Then you climb up and light your tub of fire. First three tribes to finish will win, and they'll get flint for fire. The first tribe to finish gets a more elaborate fire kit. Also, the first three tribes get immunity, and the last one goes to tribal council. There's another twist, but it won't be revealed until after the challenge.
Okay. Go! Hiki immediately has a very hard time putting the boat together. There's basically always somebody who does a shitty job with a puzzle like that, and it happens to be Hiki. Aitu is the first to get the boat together and get going. Puka is , and Raro is way behind, with Hiki even behind them. Aitu beats Puka to the torches, but by the time the teams get back to shore, they're very close. Raro has their torch lit before Hiki even gets on the move. Raro's paddling is horrible, and Hiki makes up a big amount of time on them.
Meanwhile, up front, Aitu and Puka are now slugging it out at the second set of puzzles. Hiki makes up so much time on Raro in the paddling portion that they manage to get to the puzzle before Raro is all that far into it. Puka finishes the puzzle and heads up the ladder. Aitu follows. Puka scrambles up and lights the tub, and they are the winners. Hiki is in it with the puzzle, but they can't quite catch up, and Raro -- despite starting up the ladder without their puzzle pieces -- manages to pull it together and finish third, meaning that Hiki is going to tribal council.
Now, let me just make this one comment about Hiki. There's been a lot of talk about physical disadvantages on Hiki, particularly because Sekou looks out of shape. I can't argue with the fact that probably, Hiki has the lowest average in terms of obvious physical buffness. However, that's certainly not why they lost this particular challenge. They gained time paddling. In my experience with these challenges, flat-out buffness is almost never a determining factor. If you look all the way back to Koror, they were at a huge, huge buffness/age deficit compared to Ulong, and Ulong didn't manage to win a single immunity challenge; even the purely physical ones. What mattered in this challenge was not brawn, I don't think. It was (1) puzzle-solving; and (2) ability to competently paddle a boat. Hiki sucked at (1), and Raro sucked at (2), and that's why they were so close at the end. There also got to be a perception going around that Hiki is enormously fat, but...seriously, it's just Sekou. Sekou is a big guy, but if you look at Nathan with his shirt off (not that I'm saying I did this several times), that kid is ripped. He is not remotely fat; he just favors baggy shirts. The women aren't fat, either. Stephannie is skinny, and the other two are in that range where you can't really tell how athletic they are, because they may just be round-bodied, or they may be out of shape. Some women, even in good shape, look just like those women do. Lots and lots of very thin women have no physical strength whatsoever. In other words, I do think that Hiki got the short end of the Gym Strength stick -- especially as compared to Puka -- but it's not that short, and I'm not sure variations in gym strength matter all that much as long as you don't entirely lack it, which they don't because of Nathan. It certainly doesn't appear to have been the problem with this challenge.
Jeff announces that the final twist is that while Hiki lost the challenge, they get one thing: to choose any member of any other tribe and send him or her to Exile Island. So that's kind of a sweet reward for losing. Sekou and Nathan step away to discuss whom to send, and...it's very strange, because the women don't follow, and Sekou and Nathan don't encourage them to follow. It's like everyone assumed the two guys would do it. I'm not sure whose strategy that reflects upon more poorly. Nathan whispers to Sekou that perhaps they should take out the chicken-stealer. I'm not sure why that would be, but...okay. So they tell Jonathan he's going, announcing that "karma's a bizzle." Hee. Jonathan's tribe hugs him and sends him on his way. Jeff gives Jonathan his first clue to the whereabouts of the immunity idol that is, once again, waiting there. The three tribes with immunity are sent home, and Hiki is sent off to think about the upcoming tribal council.
Back from commercials, Jonathan is arriving at Exile Island. He tells us that "the African-American guys" sent him to EI because he stole "the Asian guy's chicken." (Doink.) He reads the idol clue: "To make a top grade, stand in a line, If the southern isle vanishes, a salvation you'll find." I love it when they write poetry. He concludes that "top grade" is an A, so he finds a sort of A-frame thing and starts digging under it. I think that part about standing so that you can't see "the southern isle" is more interesting, but what do I know, right? He says that all night, he just shivered and missed his family. "Exile Island is really terrible," he says. Is it as bad as The Naked Truth, you actor? Is it? You got beat by a chicken (Chicken: "Word"), so I'm not sure I'm listening to you complain.
At Hiki, they're all trying to keep working on fire, but they're obviously distracted by having to vote someone out. Rebecca and Sundra are chatting, and they see that Nathan and Sekou are chatting also. Stephannie joins the two women. The three of them suspect that the guys are talking about them. Sekou and Nathan, meanwhile, figure that the women want to vote out one of them. "They're stupid," Nathan declares. Nathan says that he and Sekou need to pull in one of the women. Rebecca interviews, following a chat with the other women, that they're thinking perhaps Sekou needs to go, because they're having leadership issues, and they think that might be easier with him gone. She thinks that it might be "easier for [them] to work as a team without him." Ouch. Sekou tells Nathan that while the women might think they can get by with getting rid of him or Nathan, "it ain't gonna work." Hilariously, he adds, "They can't even make fire, they can't even build a hut." I'm not sure he's so much done...either of those things, so I'm not sure why they'd assume he'll be helpful if they keep him. Nathan tells Sekou that Sundra and Rebecca are buddies, so what you do is obviously try to bring over Stephannie and convince her to vote out Sundra.
Sekou interviews that it will ultimately be "a women-men thing." Of course, this would seem to put the two men at a natural disadvantage against the three women, meaning that perhaps a more creative approach would be called for. Sekou calls Stephannie aside. He tells her that if he's voted off and they lose another challenge and then they vote Nathan off, then the other two girls will gang up on her. So...that's his argument? That's no good. First of all, I don't think any of these people expect these tribes to necessarily last that long. Second, where is she going to fall if it gets down to just her and the two guys? It's not like she wouldn't be at the bottom of that threesome as well. It's just not a very well thought out appeal. The best part is where he tells her that she should stay with him, because the tribe needs people who can get fire. "We don't have any fire yet, though," she says, somewhat confused. Get his response: "That's all right! When I build a fire...[he stops and realizes he is in trouble] y'all better keep it going, because if y'all boot me out, there ain't gonna be no more fire." That is awesomely nonsensical. During that comment, you could almost see his brain's legs doing that air-pedaling thing like Wile E. Coyote after he goes off the cliff and before he falls.
Stephannie interviews that she's clearly a "swing vote" between the pair of women and the pair of guys. They have a big group hug in which Sekou keeps on talking about fire, and then Stephannie says that they need everyone, so it's not going to be fun to get rid of anybody. Well, maybe not for you, lady.
Tribal council. It seems to be on a big mocked-up ship this season, or at least near one -- it's hard to tell. Jeff has them all dip their torches in the fire. He welcomes them all, and he asks Rebecca whether anyone stepped up as a leader. She says that Sekou did, and that he tried to help with the shelter. Asked whether he planned to try to be a leader, Sekou says that he just took the knowledge he had and tried to apply it. He claims that he wasn't intending to act like he wanted to be "running things," which seems to elicit eye-rolls from the women. Jeff asks Nathan about "the feeling of this tribe." Nathan says they have "beautiful spirit," whatever that might mean. He goes on and on about how amazing all the people on the tribe are and so forth. Jeff asks them how tribes "divided ethnically" changed the game for them. This, somewhat marvelously, gets hysterical laughter, especially from Nathan, who thinks the entire idea of doing this is hilarious. That makes me love him a little. He talks about not having anticipated being put in the position of trying to "represent for our people," which I'm sure is quite true.
Jeff asks Sundra about how people paired up when the tribe was so small. She says that she and Rebecca had formed a bond, and the men had formed a bond, and it wasn't like they were trying to exclude Stephannie (which I think is true), that's just the way the pairings played out. Jeff asks Stephannie about being that fifth person with two pairs, and Stephannie talks about how it didn't surprise her to see two women and two men get together, although it did leave her "the odd man out." Jeff asks Rebecca how she's thinking about her vote. "What are you looking at in this tribe?" he asks. She says that she looks at the weaknesses in the tribe over the last three days, and how to correct those problems.
Time to vote. Sekou votes for Sundra. "You are our weakest link," he says. Rebecca votes for Sekou. "You are a sweet, sweet man," she says. "But this was the right move for right now." Sundra votes. Nathan votes. Stephannie writes an "S."
Jeff goes off to tally the challenging five votes that have been collected. He returns. The first is for Sundra. Second is for Sekou. Then Sundra again. Then Sekou again. Then...Sekou. And that did surprise me, I admit. I feel like I've seen that play out a lot, and it rarely goes that way. Sekou walks over to Jeff and is snuffed. Jeff tells the tribe that if they're right about voting out the weakest link, then they should be a stronger tribe from now on. He also tells the remaining members of Hiki that they get to take their torches -- and flints to make fire -- back to camp with them. So there won't be any teams dying of thirst this year, or sucking water off of leaves. That, I have to say, doesn't surprise me.
So if you compare that to some baseline level of uncomfortable, it was somewhat uncomfortable. But if you compare that to how uncomfortable it could have been, it doesn't even register, probably because the people don't seem to suck. We'll have to watch the Doink count, but as long as it doesn't get too high, this may not be that bad.