This week's reward challenge is the one where you knock the other people out by cutting their ropes, and it results in a victory for Cirie. She can take two people with her on a lavish spa day, and she takes Aras and Chiclets. Shane is furious. Back at camp, Shane seethes, while Courtney frets over the fact that everyone voted for her as âMost Annoying Person At Camp.â Bruce, meanwhile, reveals that he hasn't pooped in weeks, and his situation is rapidly deteriorating . The medics come to rescue him in the middle of the night, and they cart him off to the hospital on a stretcher. The spa people return to hear the bad news, and Jeff eventually appears to announce that Bruce will be all right, but he will not be returning to the game as a player. Therefore, there is no immunity challenge and no tribal council, and we are down to F6. Just another stroke of luck for Terry, the luckiest person who ever lived.
Previously on Family [Crazy] Guy: Everyone got to see brief video snippets of family, and Shane came unglued. He did not win the opportunity to watch Boston Powers: International Son Of Mystery, however, so instead, he went back to camp and demanded that Cirie inspect his balls, which she did, and she told him that he was the equivalent of a diaper-rash-having baby. In the immunity challenge, most of Casaya decided to sit out like the wimps they are, and Terry walked off with the necklace again. While Terry and Sally tried a few moves to save her and get rid of Aras, there was never anything serious afoot, because it's not a season where much is ever afoot, and Sally predictably bit the dust.
Credits. Skulls, skulls, skulls. Nothing but skulls. Who knew we could ever be so jaded?
Day 25, Gitanos. Flies feed upon the flesh of the dead, or old food, or something. There is also a vulture. I sense some sort of very, very subtle foreshadowing involving dark developments, but it's awfully hard to say for sure. Terry picks through the fire ashes, and talks about Sally being voted out last night. He says that now it's just him, with the "huge target on [his] back" and all the other things he loves, because they make him important. He also tells us that the Casayans asked him whether there was anything wrong and whether he wanted to talk, and he "of course" has something wrong, but told them he didn't want to talk. Sensitive fighter pilot!
Chiclets and Shane share a low-five, and then they hug, talking about how great they've done and how far they've come. "We're still gonna be the first tribe to ever stick together," he says, conveniently forgetting -- most obviously -- about Koror, and Chapera, and...actually, what a lame thing to say. Terry, meanwhile, reminds us that he will have to win three out of four challenges from here forward in order to stay. As it turns out, Terry can use the idol all the way up to the F4 tribal council, meaning he can avoid being exposed to a vote all the way up until F3, which is such bullshit. I had always understood the idol to be good only until you were in the F4, at which point it would be no good, but I was totally wrong. And, to me, this means that they've made the idol far too powerful. It should not be a free ticket to F3; that's stupid. You should still be looking at a vote somewhere down the line that isn't affected by idol-holding, or it grants you way too big an advantage for what was, in this case, a matter of following some pretty fucking obvious clues. Terry didn't exactly perfect cold fusion to get to this point. He found a Y-shaped tree.
At any rate, Terry says that once he's in F3, he's "got it over everybody here." Of course, he'd still have to get at least two Casayans to vote for him, which varies tremendously in likelihood, depending on whom he's up against. It's not like this is the first season where it seems like the ending is going to be a choice between two evils, but if it's something like Terry and Aras, the egos involved will be adequate to sink a battleship.
There's some kind of problem with the pot falling into the fire or something, and Courtney urgently asks for help, because in an environment where there is no TGIFriday's, this qualifies as an emergency. Chiclets tells Courtney to "chill out, dude." Terry says that, as he stays around, he watches Casaya disintegrate. He says that now, if the Casayans have to start voting for each other, it will get ugly. "I hope I'm the fly on the wall," he says, a little nonsensically. Flies swarm a piece of fish. There is a lot of very weird imagery in this episode, most of it related to protein foods and insects.
We are introduced to our other theme of the evening, which is that Bruce is complaining that his stomach hurts. He tells Shane that he's "constipated and sick to [his] stomach," and Shane asks, "You can't poop?" He should really be a United Nations translator. Courtney commiserates, saying, "I remember being so constipated, I thought I was having a..." Chiclets fills in: "Child?" I'm not sure Chiclets knows what having a child feels like. Or maybe what constipation feels like. She probably does chew her food well, at least. "No," Courtney says. "I thought I was having appendicitis." Bruce says that his stomach is all bloated and hurts a lot. I'll bet, dude. He tells us that he hasn't pooped since just before the Panamanian village feast. That was, I believe, Day 15, so Bruce at this point has not pooped in about ten days. Yipes. He refers to it as "very, very, very painful," which I totally believe. Maybe he's having a child.
Monkey in a tree.
The group goes out to retrieve some treemail, and they find that there is a crate for each of them with their name on it. When they open the mail, it tells them to decorate their dolls, which are in the boxes, and implies that there will be something about how observant they are. They all open the boxes and work on decorating their dolls. Cirie braids her doll's hair, and gives it some boobs. Hee. Aras decorates his, too, but he's less interesting.
Challenge clearing. This is one of the regular every-season challenges -- the one where they ask you questions on a questionnaire, and then they ask you to guess what other people on the tribe answered. Specifically, it's the ugly one, where you have to talk about the tribe and say who's the person in the tribe who is most whatever -- most intelligent, most full of themselves, whatever. They each have their doll suspended by three ropes, and every time you get one right, you chop a rope. So you have a lot of control over whom you permit to win reward. The reward, as it happens, is a sort of overnight spa, with massages and food and so forth. No word on whether it includes Metamucil. The winner returns back to camp in the morning. Also, whoever wins will decide who goes to Exile Island.
First question: Who does the least for the tribe? Courtney and Chiclets say Bruce, and Bruce says Courtney, and they're wrong. Everybody else says Chiclets, and that is the right answer. It makes a certain amount of sense, since Chiclets has taken criticism in the past for being lazy, but it surprised me that Courtney and Chiclets both said Bruce. I guess they think he's spending a little too much time on the Zen garden. Cirie takes the first chop at Terry. Aras chops Terry as well. Terry chops Aras. Shane finishes Terry off. Terry isn't surprised, and neither are the rest of us, because how could we be?
question: Who never shuts up? Courtney, Chiclets, and Bruce all predict that the largest number of people said Terry, and Aras says Bruce. But the actual answer, gotten by Cirie and Shane, is Courtney. Which means that at least someone wrote down Courtney but thought other people were going to say something else. I suspect that was probably Bruce. Shane chops Bruce. Cirie does, too. Solve the unsolvable pecking order! How will we tell?
: Who mistakenly believes he or she is running this game? I like that question. Courtney and Aras: Shane. Cirie and Bruce: Aras. Shane: Chiclets. The right answer is...Shane. Yay! I love it when public opinion says that the people I think are idiots are, in fact, idiots. Jeff asks Shane if he's surprised. "I do not perceive to think that I'm running the game," he says. Wow, coherent. Aras takes out Bruce. Courtney hits Shane.
: Who would you trust with your life? Cirie says Bruce. Courtney votes for Terry, and Shane votes for Aras, but the right answer is Cirie. Aras is the only one who got it, which is really interesting. Other people voted for Cirie themselves, but they didn't think other people voted for Cirie. You know who the last person to get that response was? That's right: Boston Rob. It's the phenomenon of "nobody else knows how trustworthy this person is," and it's a really powerful position to maneuver yourself into. I also give some credit to Aras for having enough awareness to know where Cirie stands with people in the game, although it's probably just more reason to believe that he'll make sure she's cut loose before F2. Cirie thanks everyone. Aras chops Courtney.
Who would you not trust to watch your back? The answer? Terry. Courtney and Aras get it right. Courtney chops Chiclets. Aras hits Cirie. I love the fact that, in this case, Terry wasn't chosen because he's untrustworthy, but because he wouldn't watch these people's backs, because he clearly can't stand them. So everybody is at two ropes.
: Who is the biggest poser? (Or "poseur," depending on your background, I think.) Courtney doesn't even know what a poser is, but it turns out that she's the biggest one, as Jeff delights in telling her. It turns out that she voted for Bruce, which is awesomely random. Not karate poses, Courtney! Aras votes for Courtney, Shane votes for himself, and Chiclets and Cirie both vote for him, too. Aras hits Chiclets.
Who is the moodiest? Shane is the answer, and Courtney and Aras got it right. Courtney hits Shane, and he says to her, "You're the only one that's hit me twice. Your life is changing." She tries to tell him that they're playing a game, but Shane is having none of it. Aras tells everybody that they should all stop letting the game divide them, blah dee blah. "This game is meant to splinter us," Aras says. "Rise above it." Terry throws in a deliciously snotty "Yeah, it's meant to splinter you guys!" That was fucking awesome. I don't love Terry, but damn, I loved that. Aras hits Chiclets, saying that he loves her but that he knows she can't get him back if he knocks her out.
Cirie, Courtney, and Aras all have two left; Shane has one. question: Who most easily succumbs to intimidation? Courtney changes her answer from herself to Bruce, and it turns out that she should have stuck with herself. Shane got it right, and he hits Courtney.
Who is the most annoying person? Everybody says Courtney, with the exception of Courtney, and the answer is...Courtney. Ow. She's starting to feel a little ganged-up on, you can tell. Aras knocks Courtney out. Shane hits Aras. Cirie has to put out either Aras or Shane, and she takes out Shane, whimpering that she promised Aras not to hit him. Over on the bench, Chiclets tries to get Shane to fucking chill out.
Cirie has two left, Aras has one. If she gets it right, she'll win. Who would never survive on his or her own? Cirie puts up herself, and Aras puts up Terry. Terry? Really? That seems like a throwing of the challenge, to me. Cirie is right that it was her, so she takes out Aras and gets the victory. She first has to send someone to Exile Island: "I can't send Casaya, Terry. Sorry." I did not enjoy that reasoning. Openly mentioning a pretend tribe that doesn't even exist anymore just is not dignified, Cirie.
Now, Cirie has to take two people with her to the spa. She first picks Aras, who she claims to have promised since the first day that she'd share a reward with. And now, Shane is begging, but Chiclets and Cirie apparently agreed that they'd take each other, so over Shane's insistence that they, too, had talked about this contingency, Cirie takes Chiclets with her. Shane furiously kicks the ground. "I'm sorry, Shane, I'm sorry," Cirie says. "You are sorry," he spits. Cirie says that she and Aras have this deal, and Shane says that Aras is not the issue: Chiclets is the issue. "I think that you made the wrong call," Shane tells Cirie. But the helicopter comes anyway, wrong call or not, and Cirie, Chiclets, and Aras leave for their trip to the lap of luxury. Bruce, Courtney, and Shane look very unhappy, as Jeff sends them back to camp. Shane, in particular, looks like he's already traveled most of the way to Psycho-Land, and it was pretty much just over the fence to begin with, of course.
We return to see the helicopter heading over the islands, as the happy people inside rave about the view. We have now seen this sequence so many times that I haven't a clue what's left to say. Cirie says that she's never been in a helicopter, and she loved getting to see things she'd never otherwise get to see. She also says that she picked Aras and Chiclets because she thought they would be the people who would be the most fun to be with. Which I'm sure makes them feel really honored, to Courtney, Shane, Bruce, and Terry. However, Cirie is aware that it could be a very bad move, given how much the people back at camp probably hate her.
But for now, those who are on the trip are just focused on eating. Aras opines that the challenge was hilarious, because, of course, it wasn't his feelings that got hurt. While Cirie keeps laughing herself, she does seem to feel some sympathy for Courtney, who found herself listed under "most annoying." Aras just laughs. "She cleaned up today," he says of Courtney's haul of "victories." Cirie freely admit-erviews that if it had been her, she would not have been very happy about being tagged "most annoying." But even as Cirie tries to talk about it sympathetically, she can't help dissolving into giggles. "I would have felt the same way," she ultimately says, and I think it's probably genuine for her, the sympathy. Still, she's...she's sorry, but she's not that sorry. It's like seeing the co-worker you hate walking around with the back of her skirt tucked into her pantyhose. "Oh, that's too bad, but...not that bad."
Back at Gitanos on Day 25, things are, indeed, rather grim. Shane interviews that he's always figured that he, Aras, and Cirie were really tight. Having Cirie take Chiclets instead of him was very surprising. Shane really wanted that massage, y'all. Courtney sarcastically says, "Well, that was fun. Good to know where you stand." Shane says that he didn't know Chiclets and Cirie were so close, and Courtney clarifies that she doesn't care about that -- she's talking about the playing of the game. "Can you just think for a second about how that would make you feel?" she asks. "I think you're also personalizing a lot of it," Shane replies, shockingly level-headedly. I guess if you shake a crazy person hard enough, his few remaining crumbs of sanity will also fall out. Courtney's not sure how she can not personalize the experience of having everyone trash-talk her. Shane starts talking about the "stupid" questions, although he does allow that "most annoying" would not be a great experience. Courtney says that, yesterday, she was happy to be here, and now she's not: "I'm going to have to live with this for the rest of my life." What, having people call you annoying? Pfft. Believe me, lady, after a while, you don't even feel it.
Shane interviews that the challenge just devastated Courtney. "She takes a lot of stuff personally anyway," he says, "and just to hear, like, some of the answers to what the tribe thinks about her is just...I think really got her at an all-time low." He goes on to say that "the common voice of the tribe" was on display at that challenge, and that Courtney got her feelings hurt. He says that he'll be interested to see "how she handles herself for the few days." I'm still working through the fact that Shane used the expression "the common voice of the tribe."
Bruce returns from a sojourn into the woods, saying that he needs to lie down, because he couldn't "pass a deuce." Once again, Shane translates this into Poop-ese, in case "pass a deuce" was too subtle for you. Bruce points out that, of course, he can't eat, either. Shane interviews that Bruce has been in a ton of pain, so even Shane has apparently been able to notice someone else's feelings. Must be serious. And obvious. Bruce tells us that he's had a ton of injuries over his lifetime, which isn't unusual, I guess, given all that sketching we saw him do last week. Shane interviews that while Bruce can be dramatic, he's very confident that this is not being overdramatized -- the guy is hurting. We watch Bruce crawl into the shelter and lie down very miserably, saying that his back and stomach and everything just hurt like hell all the time, and that the pain's increasing rapidly. Shane, with his pants so low that we're seeing blurring in the front (ew, yeesh), tells Bruce that he has to get better, because the tribe needs him. Nothing like having your illness greeted with "Get well soon, so as not to disrupt my plans." Bruce writhes in misery on the ground in the shelter. "I'm just concerned, because it's escalating so fast," he says.
In a fairly tacky edit, Bruce's moaning takes us directly to the moaning of those on the massage tables. Cirie mutters that if she never wins another thing, she's glad she got this. She explains, as we watch the massage, that she "felt like Robin Leach." Now there is a reference the youngsters aren't going to catch. "Older Women" indeed. Chiclets explains that the guy who gave her massage was, frankly, "pretty rough." She says that she's never had a professional massage, but that she found it a little harsh, all things considered. As Cirie explains it, Chiclets specifically picked the guy she wound up with on the theory that he'd have strong hands, and indeed, he did. "Holy schnikeys," Chiclets says as the guy beats on her. I'm not sure how holy schnikeys are different from regular schnikeys, but I'm not sure I want anything to do with any schnikeys at all.
Later, the spa-goers gorge themselves on more food. Cirie says that today is almost a fresh start for her -- it's just that refreshing, probably in part because not being near Shane means that you don't get his waft of filth on you every time you pass by, thereby undoing the filth removal you just completed five minutes ago. Aras, around the table, says that the game pointed out how immature people are, and he specifically says that Courtney and Shane are really similar. "She has a serious crush on him, I think," Chiclets says, and Aras agrees. That's weird -- that wasn't my read of that dynamic at all, but I wouldn't deny it. "She just wants to be wanted," Aras says, which is kind of...I mean, it's true, but really, it's true of everyone, and it's just a matter of how they express it. Aras thinks that Courtney loves it when Shane fights with her, because she knows they'll get to make up later. Chiclets says that they must be having horrible arguments back at home, and Cirie notes that Bruce is stuck in the middle. "I'm going to be so not liked tomorrow," Cirie says. "I like you," Aras oozes, almost like he's flirting with her, which almost makes me a little queasy. He is gross. Chiclets says that she, too, loves Cirie. Not believable!
Night 25, Gitanos. Bruce is moaning and groaning in misery, and it gets worse whenever he tries to move. This is the least hilarious night-vision footage ever! Courtney comes over and crouches to him and touches his back. She then says, "Could I sing you a song? Would that help?" "No," he says. But she does it anyway. And as soon as she starts to sing, he says, "Don't." She's very well-intentioned and everything, but she really needs to figure out that not all really ill people want every kind of comfort you might want. Courtney explains to us that Bruce's pains are increasing, so the medics were called in. Right after the singing! Coincidence? As they wait for the medical staff, Bruce tells Courtney that he doesn't want to quit; he wants to feel better. Fortunately, she does not choose this moment for a rousing chorus of "Put On A Happy Face."
And here, in their boat, come the members of the Survivor medical staff. An Aussie doctor comes in to check on Bruce, and asks him where the pain is. Bruce can barely talk, really. The medic says that he's got to check Bruce out first, which he does. As soon as the doctor goes to press on Bruce's abdomen, Bruce gives a sharp, anguished yelp of pain and begs the doctor not to do that. Yelps of pain that keep the doctor from asking whether what he's doing hurts you at all are generally regarded as a bad sign, I think. The doctor tells Bruce that the pain is simply too much for him to stay out there anymore. The doc hooks him up to an IV, and then there's this moment where he gives Bruce a sort of inhaler thing, telling him to breathe into it, but when Bruce holds it up to his mouth, his hand starts to wildly shake back and forth. That may be some sort of a convulsion, I think, and it's very freaky. Bruce just doesn't have that hand under control. Courtney sticks her head in to ask if it's getting any better, and the doctor says, "Not really." Thanks for asking, though! Now, it's time to stop messing around and go and get the stretcher.
The doc goes and tells Shane that he's unable to rule out appendicitis, so they've got to take Bruce now. And, the medic claims, he needs Shane and Courtney to carry the stretcher. Which: not likely. I'm thinking that, in a pinch, there are enough people to carry the stretcher without Shane. Shane asks, "Do we need to do this right this second?" And it's such an asshole comment, except that I think he's asking because he's naked, and he wonders whether he can get changed, or something. The medic says yes, and Shane apologizes for being naked, turning to give the aside that he can't sleep in his pants, because they're wet. And I think he's trying to dry out that diaper rash that Cirie diagnosed on his balls last week. The Gladiator-type music starts, as they roll Bruce onto the stretcher. Bruce moans. The medic, Courtney, Shane, and another guy carry Bruce out to the boat to be evacuated. Shane leans over and kisses Bruce's forehead. "See you in a minute, Brucie," he says. Shane tells us that he hopes Bruce can come back and finish his own way. He says that having to quit would be hard on Bruce, because he's lived such a "big, beautiful, ginormous life." I kind of liked Shane at that moment, I admit. He's still an ass, but this is his less assy side. I think he's recognizing a real quality in Bruce, who prides himself on doing all these exciting things, and who doesn't really want to say, "I had to leave Survivor because I was constipated." Shane remains optimistic: "I really hope Bruce gets to come back," he says.
Exile Island. Day 26. Terry tells us again about his back, and the target, and Casaya being after him. I feel like I have seen this sequence four hundred times, give or take a hundred. He says that participating in the challenge was a waste of his time, but he did enjoy the part where he got to watch the members of Casaya beat each other up. Terry also says that being sent here gives him time to think about strategy. I'm not sure what "strategy" is open to him right now, other than "Win Immunity, Dammit."
Back at Casaya, Courtney is wondering how Bruce is doing. She describes how seeing Bruce carted off "was like the icing and the cherry and the hot fudge on top of my pretty poo-poo day." Aside from the insanely mixed metaphors that explicitly mix cherries, fudge, poo-poo, and Bruce's medical emergency, I think Courtney could probably stand not to make his health entirely about ruining her day. Shane asks Courtney whether, if he needed her vote, she would trust him and stay with him: "I can't have the obsessive-compulsive, you-overthinking part." She says that it's not easy for her to commit to agreeing to whatever he says, but that she would "like to be on [his] backside." No, that's what she says. "And I would like you to be on mine," she adds. Dirty! Courtney promises that they're "on the same page." Shane goes on to tell her that if she doesn't do what she's supposed to do, "[he'll] kill [her] when [he gets] back to Hollywood." Courtney chuckles. "I will. I'll drive up, and I'll kill you in your shitty little apartment. And I'll drive over to my club, and that will be it." Now, if it were me, I would immediately tell him that I don't find death threats amusing and that he needs to knock it off, but Courtney takes offense as follows: "That was really nice. I don't have a shitty apartment!" Oh, my God. So brilliant. "I will kill you in your shitty apartment." "My apartment isn't shitty!" Shane goes on to rail at Courtney for actually getting offended, when it's obvious that he's not claiming to know whether her apartment is actually shitty or not. "Don't take everything so personal [sic]!" he bellows, and she tells him that he's obnoxious, and he screeches that he's not obnoxious. Shane then interviews that Courtney's crazy, she's a "bunny-boiler," she's "so scary" and so forth. And she's perfect to take to F2, because everyone hates her. This would be an F2 so hard for certain members of the tribe that I almost hope it happens. Just to hurt and upset, say, Aras.
Here comes the boat carrying the spa visitors back to Gitanos. They all walk up the beach to camp. "We lost a member," Courtney says. "Bruce went home?" Aras asks. Courtney confirms that he did. And, as noted by an EEFP, I do believe that Courtney has stolen Bruce's sketch book, which was his luxury item. Jesus. Anyway, she explains that he was taken out, totally sick, the boat came...they don't know whether he's still in the game, or what. "But you guys had a great time, I'm sure," Courtney says angrily, as if it's their fault that Bruce got sick. Aras interviews about learning, when he got back, that Bruce was gone, Courtney was still pissed off about the challenge, and Shane had gone all feral, looking like he hadn't eaten or washed himself in years. Which, it is implied, is unusual in one of those respects at least, though I can't imagine which.
Shane and Aras have a talk, in which Shane makes it clear how upset he is about what he "learned" from what went on in the challenge. Shane's exact words are "I learned a lot about yesterday. And I'm gonna set myself sail accordingly, to whatever I gotta do. And I hope you guys had a good time." He means this to be foreboding, but it mostly makes me want to say "[sic]" a lot. That's what I gotta do, and I'm gonna set myself sail accordingly. Elsewhere, Cirie and Chiclets observe this conversation with concern. "This was not the challenge to win, I'll tell you that one," Cirie mutters. Shane tells Aras, "I am not with Cirie at all. I didn't know that Cirie and [Chiclets]..." Aras cuts him off, promising him that they're still good, the two of them and Cirie. Aras promises that Cirie will come to Shane and talk to him about it. "I am disappointed in her in a big way, and I am not going out before [Chiclets]," Shane spits. "I have put Cirie on my back, all three hundred pounds of her, I put her on my fucking back, you and I both have. It was wrong yesterday." Blah blah blah. Nothing like a fat joke to show that your complaints are all about substance.
For her part, Chiclets can't understand why Shane is being such a baby if he ever had mind-broadening experiences like playing on a high-school sports team, where you learn that you don't necessarily get your own way every single time. "He's so selfish," Chiclets observes. And she's right, but of course, it's easy to make that argument from inside an herbal wrap.
Shane tells Aras that he no longer cares about anyone but himself, and that now everybody is "in big trouble." That's right, people -- the era of Shane's selflessness and dedication to others is at an end. He goes on: "If you and Cirie don't make me believe that it's absolutely the three of us, I'm turning the whole game." Aras interviews that he was trying to avoid getting into some big thing with Shane, given that Shane was just gassing on about his insecurity as far as where he is with his alliance. "The last thing I need is Shane on the loose really changing this game up," Aras says with exasperation. "So just let him say his piece. We'll calm him down, we'll gain his trust, and hopefully, Cirie will peace it with him, and we'll be all good." In other words, "First, I have to pacify Shane. Then, I have to start thinking about how I'm going to spend what I am sure will be my million dollars."
Cirie and Shane have a chat. She tells him that, in terms of the game, she's always been faithful to him and to Aras. She argues that it was very difficult for her to be forced not to take Shane with her. I'm not sure that's a winning argument, there. Cirie assures Shane that her "type of thing" with Chiclets is not like "what [she and Shane] have." This is what's known as the "I was thinking of you the whole time, baby" defense. Cirie interviews that Shane is "hurt" because he thought he "deserved the reward." I'm not sure his pride is hurt; I think his back is hurt because nobody rubbed it for him. Anyway, Shane tells Cirie that not being chosen made him wonder where they were as an alliance, and she assures him that they're "still good." He wants more: "On your children's lives, tell me we're going to the four." "We're going to the four, on my kids' lives," Cirie says. "I swear on my son's life, we're in the four," Shane says back to her. God. I have never seen a guy so determined to exploit his relationship with his child to win money in all my life. Now, Shane grabs Cirie and kisses her on the face, hard, not that she asked for that.
What is it with swearing on your children's lives? What is that?
Shane interviews that he's in an alliance to F4 with Cirie and Aras. He also claims that the entire thing was "absolutely calculated by [him] in order to get ahead of Cirie and Aras mentally. And it played exactly the way [he] wanted it to." Post hoc rationalizing at its best, y'all. What does he think that accomplished? Because all it did was make them pacify him. You don't find out what people really are going to do, or change what they're going to do, by demanding that they give you reassurance. Because if they're sincere, then you don't need reassurance, and if they're not sincere, then the reassurance doesn't mean anything. It's openly impossible for that to be a worthwhile way to deal with people. Still, Shane claims that he "control[s] that threesome, for sure."
Gitanos, Day 27. Now, we are in the sad segment where everyone pretends that they care that Bruce had to leave. Courtney is, at the moment, cleaning up Bruce's garden. And on its own, that's a nice enough thought. However, she has decided to arrange little rocks in it to spell out a message, which I think is not exactly the intent of a Zen garden. She tells us that she wants to spell out "Love Bruce." Cirie and Chiclets join her, and they heartily endorse her plan, now explained as one to write "Love You, Bruce" down the side. Chiclets is unintentionally hilarious when she points out that Bruce's mentality was "Go, go, go, go, go." Oh, irony. Chiclets also claims that she thought of Bruce as "a father figure." One she was planning to vote off, of course, but a father figure nevertheless. She claims to have "connected with him," not that we saw that. Oh, and it turns out it's actually "LUV U BRUCE." Even worse, and even more reminiscent of a bad yearbook inscription. (Not like there's any other kind.) Chiclets gravely interviews that she had a funny feeling last night that he wouldn't be there when they got back. Maybe it was the severe illness he had when they left. That could have been the tip-off, though I don't want to jump to conclusions. Cirie insists to Courtney that Bruce would adore the "LUV U" decoration. Which...I don't think so. I'm not sure that's a "warrior" kind of thing.
The group watches as a boat approaches. Slowly, they realize that Terry is on the boat, but that Jeff is on the boat as well. The boat reaches the shore, and Terry and Jeff hop out. Jeff asks Aras what's going on, and Aras reasonably replies, "A lot." Jeff gathers up the group, and has them all take seats around their fire pit. He says he knows everybody wants to know what's going on. He recaps, for Terry's benefit, that Bruce had been having a lot of pain, and Bruce eventually asked to be checked by the medical staff and was taken to the hospital. And it's a good thing that he was, because it turned out that his entire system, including both colon and bladder, was totally blocked up. Bruce is going to be okay now, but -- and here's the key to why it's so close to the end of the episode and nothing is happening -- he's not going to be able to return to the game as a player. So Bruce is not in it, and they're down to F6. No immunity challenge, no tribal council. They hope Bruce will return to the tribal council and sit on the jury, but they don't have a final word from the doctors. So the contestants have the afternoon off, and have nothing to do.
Music swells as Probst rather awkwardly clambers into the boat and is taken away. Terry calls Bruce "the master sensei," and says that nobody else could have tolerated as much pain as Bruce did: "He's a warrior."
week: Shane goes nuttier than he already is. And they're playing for something in Jeff's pocket. And...a fish? Maybe? A fish they can eat?