The Hidden Immunity Idol

Previously on I Just Consumed 42 Pounds Of Chocolate...Does My Ankle Look Fat To You?: Yaxha managed to win the mummification reward challenge, but when it came to the puzzle-assembling immunity challenge, they were outmaneuvered and sent back to tribal council. It seemed briefly as though Amy might rally the troops reluctantly to oust Bobby Jon, but her giant ankle and her position on the bad end of the internal Yaxha math sent her packing. When her torch had been snuffed, the remainder of The Little Tribe That Kind Of Couldn't got the news from Jeff that it was time to merge, so they were given new buffs to distribute and sent to live at Camp Nakum. So now, everybody is part of one big tribe. More opportunities for brawling; more opportunities for hating; more opportunities for righteous indignation. Woo! Who will go home ?

Credits. I love how the pictures of Armless Jim are right before the picture of Cindy's ass. Like, "Remember when Jim was around? How everybody still had body fat? Good times."

Night vision. Howlie is doing his best Darth Vader impression, breathing in and out. ("Luuuuke. I am your great-great-great-graaaandfather. How's that for intelligent desiiiiign?") We see, on Night 18 at Camp Nakum, a shirt hanging over a tree branch. No, no, Jamie and Lydia, it's supposed to be a sock on the doorknob. A snake weasels its way down a set of ancient steps. You know how crazy the snakes can get when they start playing Slinky. We see someone sleeping, all headwrapped up, and then we see our little pet mouse, who appears to be sleeping as well. Goodnight moon, goodnight buffoon. Goodnight ancient temple they treat as a spittoon.

As the members of the about-to-be-ex-Yaxha tribe makes their way into camp, we see footage of a crocodile retreating from the shore into the water, which I strongly suspect of being completely apocryphal, but hey, these are the compromises of storytelling. Danni comments quietly to her traveling posse, "Feels really weird walking up this road." Night-vision Danni reminds the camera how, at the end of tribal council, Jeff sent them off to this godforsaken camp, so now they don't know what the hell's going on. The former Yaxha gather for a little talk, and Gary recommends that they act "stupid" when they get there. Yes, Gary: stupid! That's it! Bobby Jon thinks they should just act like they're glad to be there. Gary adds, "We're servants. We're gonna serve 'em." And then they put their hands together for a very quiet team cheer. See, I don't think I would have gone in belly-up like that. I think you go in assuming that all deals are now up in the air. You go in like you present an opportunity for anyone at Nakum who wants a better deal to get one. Why go in like you assume you're on the bad end of an inevitable 6-4 arrangement?

Rafe and Lydia go to get the treemail for the day. Lydia mutters something about her hopes for a feast. When they go and retrieve the package, though, there's no food -- just a big basket with a long note inside. Back at camp, Lydia reads to the camp the letter that explains that what they've gotten as their prize for the merge is an individual immunity idol. See, somewhere in the jungle, there's a six-inch-tall immunity idol that's hidden. If you find it, you can hang onto it and produce it -- sounds like only once -- at the tribal council of your choice, prior to the vote. You don't have to tell anyone that you found it. So you can hide it, but I presume you'd better hide it well, because if you hide it and someone finds it, I assume it would be theirs. And if you do find it, it's only good through the vote at F5 -- once you're in F4, it's done. Steph, just because she has "discontented" etched on her face this season, frowns like somebody just threw up on her carpet. Rafe, for no particular reason, re-explains in an interview what was just read out loud in the letter. And then Jamie explains it in another interview, again. Hey, I understand I'm not that bright, but I don't need things explained for me by Jamie.

Hunting for the idol ensues. See, what would kill me about hunting for the idol would be the fact that I wouldn't know if anybody had already found it. If I knew for sure it was out there...hell, I've got nothing better to do. Go out in the woods and look -- that's a huge prize. But if you know it might not be anywhere to be found anymore? That would sap my will to look. Cindy tells us that, used properly, the little thing could almost guarantee F4, and I certainly don't agree with that. Even if you avoid one vote, there are still five other votes prior to F4, so if there's a target on you, it's not actually that much of a life-saver quite yet. Gary hypothesizes to Jamie that it will be "someplace around the temple," and then Gary tells us that if he finds it, he won't be telling anyone. No, he will be tricky about it. He is Gary Hawkins, landscaper with no immunity idol. None! You are thinking of the other Gary. You know, considering what an awesome liar he is, I sort of hope we get to see that covert operation. I suspect that the only thing the rest of the group feels like it knows for sure at this point is that if Gary were to come up with it, they'd know, right? Brandon, ruminating on the search process, says that a person could look for "days and days" and not find the thing. He believes that he's a target at this point himself, so he'd sure like to find it.

It rains. Some look for the idol. Some stay inside the shelter. Bobby Jon and Steph, however, have a little powwow in the woods, kicking it Palau-style. He tells her that while he doesn't think he's more deserving than anyone else, he really, really wants at least to make the jury, so he's asking her not to make him the boot. She tells him that she will "do everything in [her] power," if Brandon doesn't get immunity, to help Bobby Jon to stay another three days and, presumably, at least make the jury. In fact, she says that if she's on the jury, she wants to be on it with Bobby Jon. Maybe she just loves it when people on the jury are "so gay" and "retarded." In an interview, Steph explains what happened with her and Bobby Jon, but when she tells it to us, she says she told Bobby Jon she couldn't "make any promises." My first thought was that she was lying in her confessional, which is maybe the most pointless thing a person can do, pretty much, but I think it's possible that what she's referring to is the "in my power" part where she can't swear that other people will do what she wants, even though my sense is that she sort of can. I don't know. She certainly promised Bobby Jon she'd try, which is at least some kind of a commitment, one would think. Maybe she's forgotten that a lot of times, while she's on the island, someone is filming her.

And then, very briefly, just so it does not remain a complete mystery, we see that the immunity idol is buried in the side of what I believe to be a large, twisted tree.

Aggressive-tongued surprisingly lifelike lizardbot.

It is Day 20, and Lydia wants to know if anyone has come up with a name for the new tribe. Because no one in this group is remotely creative, the best they can come up with is Xhakum, pronounced "sha-KOOM." Ew. It's like we're squeeing over Yaxha and Nakum falling in love, and we're starting our own fansite about them. At least "Chaboga Mogo" sounded like a dance craze. Okay, a dance craze only gaining a foothold at wedding receptions, but still. No one really cares about team unity in this particular group, so designated suckers Rafe and Lydia set out to paint the new tribe flag.

There continues to be idol-hunting. Because unity is fleeting, but being out for number one is forever. Jamie explains that he's looking for the idol simply because he doesn't want anyone on the former Yaxha to find it and screw up the plan. For his part, Bobby Jon feels like his entire group is a bunch of "sitting ducks," so he's been out hunting for the idol every day. The editing sort of suggests that the coatimundi are looking for the idol as well by digging in the dirt, but I kind of doubt it. Coatimundi aren't stupid. Judd announces to Jamie that he's not looking anymore. It's just making him nuts. Well, more nuts, presumably.

In one of those moments where Rafe is both really likable and kind of goofy, he tells us that he really wants to find the idol. But unfortunately, as he puts it, he's "the worst person at finding anything in the world." The words come up on the screen: "Rafe: Wilderness Guide." Hee. Perhaps it takes the form of just saying, "This is...the wilderness. Over here is...more wilderness. Hey, I'm a wilderness guide, not a getting-out-of-the-wilderness guide." Rafe then explains that, while searching, he also put his hand directly into a hornet's nest, and as we see demonstrated on screen, he had to run away as quickly as possible because he was being attacked by hornets. It would have been awesome if they had hidden the immunity idol in the hornet's nest, like, "How bad do you want it, suckers?" Rafe has decided that the attack is the gods' way of telling him he's not meant to have the idol. I think it's the gods' way of telling him to carry Raid, but I tend to be brutal with the toxic chemicals.

Back at camp, Gary is tying some flies so that he can go fishing. Steph grumps about her doubts that they're going to catch any big fish, and then she gripes in an interview that usually, when there's a merge, you get food. And they got no food, but seem to have gotten the individual immunity idol instead. Danni -- who could probably stand to eat as much as anyone, now that you can actually see not only her individual ribs but individual pieces of food moving through her intestines -- explains in an interview that she was used to the happy atmosphere at Yaxha, where everybody got along and was chipper. Here at the new camp, she's discovered that all they do is bitch. She says she was really surprised that, over here, they spent so much time griping about not having food and not having stuff to do. I suppose at her old camp, there wasn't time to complain with all the discussion of sore ankles and Gary's non-football-playing business. So the members of Yaxha decide to take a little fishing trip together. Gary invites everyone, but indeed, only the former Yaxha wind up going out on the boat. Why go fishing when you can stay home and complain about the people who do? As the Yaxha-ians leave, Jamie gloats to the rest of his "alliance" that it's pretty stupid to take yourselves on a trip and leave the majority behind to plot. Right. Because up until now, this group hadn't managed to pull it together and make a plan.

Rafe offers an interview in which he explains that he is becoming uncomfortable with the attitude of his ex-tribe, which seems to be that they can sit around on their asses and make the new people do all the work just because they have the majority. He really doesn't have the constitution for pure evil, is the thing. He's more of a "you guys, would you mind trying to find a card game to play in the dorm lounge that lets everyone participate?" kind of guy. ["Uno!" -- Wing Chun] Meanwhile, as the former Yaxha is getting ready to leave, Farmer Beavis laments the fact that this is like being in prison, in that they have to do the "bitch work" while they get their resources raided. He really should, you know, speak to the ACLU or somebody about whatever prison that is. That really shouldn't happen. Danni notes to the rest of the group that the former Nakum apparently rooted through all of their gear when they got to camp, and didn't even ask Yaxha first. "Like a bunch of pigs," Bobby Jon notes with disgust. I suspect he has a particular pig in mind.

Back at camp, Judd's new career is in the area of experimenting with the purest forms of being a dick just because you can. He suggests that they just decide whoever catches the biggest fish for the group will be the one sent home. In other words, wouldn't it be funny if, just for spite, we fucked somebody over for something they'd feel good about? That would be hilarious.

You know, I wonder if Judd can do math, or if he's realized that at least three of the four of the people he's talking about are, best-case-scenario, on the jury. If one of the people in the current Big Six intends to win the million dollars, then short of winning every single jury vote from the rest of the Nakum alliance, that person is going to need at least one vote from the people they're now tormenting. One would think you might not want to stick out as the biggest asshole of them all. And if you made yourself the one person the former Yaxha would vote for, you would only need one other vote to win. Anyway, everyone laughs at Judd's idea, apparently because spite is about the most fun you can have with your clothes on.

Meanwhile, Rafe interviews that, somewhere around here, he started to wonder, "Am I a member of the Axis of Evil?" And...I'm glad he said that, but what will impress me is when he gets off his ass and bounces a couple of these jerks, if that's the way he feels about it. I mean, whine all you want about lying down with dogs, but once you know they're dogs, either get out of bed or stop complaining that the fleas make you itch.

Meanwhile, Judd and Jamie gabber back at camp about how the former Yaxha will have to catch fish and wake up early and do work and so forth if they want a chance to stay any longer. If you've ever read about the Stanford prison experiment, you know it's no joke that people get really creepy in situations where they have the opportunity to act like this, so it doesn't come as all that much of a surprise. Judd and Jamie are kidding around, but also...not. They're most definitely playing around with the idea of having other people at their mercy, and it's not a happy situation. We return to the Rafe interview, where he talks about how ripping people behind their backs as a way of creating "unity" isn't his favorite thing. I agree with that in principle, even though I would have deprived myself of much hilarity and fun had I been too principled about it over the course of my life.