Previously on Speed the Palau: Caryn decided to attempt to leverage her total lack of social power within the tribe by attacking Katie, who was a little baffled by the outbreak of hostilities and could only laugh, which is, after all, the most frustrating thing you can do to someone who's trying to haul you into a fight. (Best reason to do it!) Angie tried to drown Gregg and earned the affection of her tribe, helping Ulong to take the reward challenge. But no reward could soothe the seething soul of Bobby Jon, who had started to notice a distinct outbreak of lazy-ass on his team, starting with the largely inert Kim, who was apparently made from mild, soft cheese. Over at Camp Koror, Tom, Ian, and Gregg killed some snakes, for which they apologized, because snakes are holy and PETA is well-organized. Ulong lost another immunity challenge when they were plainly out-gritted by Koror, and Jeff and his sprained ankle made like Osten and his bleeding lungs and took a walk, sparing Kim for another week. Now, there are fifteen people left. Who will be voted out?
Ulong, Night 8. Bobby Jon stokes the fire, because stoking the fire resembles work of you look at it all squinty-like, so it's unlikely that anyone else is going to do it. Angie laments to Steph that it stinks to have lost a bunch of people already when Koror has yet to lose one. Of course, they have failed to take into account that Koror hasn't been able to rid itself of anyone (and by "anyone," I mean "Caryn") either. Kim interviews that she's "very sad" about the departure of Jeff, because he was "great for the team" and he was her "friend." Also, now she has to sleep with James, and he smells like feet all over. (Not really.) (Well, not really the first part.)
Around the fire, Bobby Jon says to the team that Koror is using the dreaded weapon of "strategy" at the immunity challenges, and I think it's actually Kim (?) who puts in that it must be, because Koror is "a weak-ass team." Wait, has she seen them? That's a weak-ass team? I begin here to think she's one of those women who overassociates strength with gym membership. That's not to even mention the "may she who is without weak-ass cast the first stone" part of the whole thing. And then James declares that they are not going to tribal council again. "I'm-on stomp on anybody's ass 'at lags." Boy, I hope he doesn't lose in any one-on-one challenges later, particularly twice, because that would be super-embarrassing. It also might require him to stomp his own ass, which is both embarrassing and kind of tough, logistics-wise. A guy could throw a piston.
Kim doesn't take especially warmly to this explosion of "motivation" from James, saying that maybe he could be a little nicer, instead of trying to warm everyone's spirits through threatened stomping. Bobby Jon interviews that they do have attitude problems and so forth, and they need to find a way to raise everyone's morale. (Hint: LOSE LESS.) He's hoping they'll "turn it around," and that they've learned something from their horrific win-loss record. I don't know. I grew up outside Philadelphia, and it never did anything for any of our sports teams.
Morning of Day 9 comes to Koror, and Katie and Anonymous Jen go out to get treemail. I swear, I don't think I have ever, ever seen anyone get to the fourth episode without talking, as is the case with Anonymous Jen. It's utterly baffling. The stumpmail tells the women that they need to choose a tribal representative who will make some choices for them that they'll then have to live with. And -- eureka! -- Anonymous Jen talks in an actual interview looking right into the camera, saying that...well, disappointingly enough, just repeating what Katie just read. I waited for the fourth episode and they gave me that? Repeating of stumpmail? Sigh. That's not going to do much to alter the anonymity. Back at camp, the tribe talks about the possibilities, with Coby raising the specter of sending someone off who might not get to come back. There is some silence, and then Ian says that he would nominate Gregg, who "represents [Koror] well" and is their "steady man." Gregg waffles, saying he doesn't really want to go, but that he doesn't object to going. Willard looks around thoughtfully. He is so not going. Someone asks whether "everyone else is up for it," and I'm not clear whether she's asking whether others would go, or others would have Gregg go, but Coby and Janu both half-assedly raise one hand and mutter something. I think Coby mutters, "I would go," but I'm not sure. It's...well, "half-assed" is about right. Ian says he would go, I think, and then Coby says again that he would go, on the theory that maybe nobody heard him, and then one more person -- maybe Caryn? -- offers to go. But none of these people sets the tribe on fire, enthusiasm-wise. Tom realizes that they're not going to get it resolved until someone throws support to someone who actually wants to go, so he says he would advance the idea that Ian should go. He says that Ian has been the team leader, and says, "You want to go, I say you go." A couple of other people throw their support behind that concept as Coby strokes his beard pensively.
Coby now interviews that he, Janu, and Caryn volunteered to go, but that "nobody listened," because they were busy choosing between Gregg and Ian. I don't think it's a matter of nobody listening. I think it's a matter of other people on the team not supporting the idea of having Coby go, which may be painful for Coby, but isn't unfair of anyone, and isn't particularly disrespectful. The tribe asked people to speak up if they were willing to go, and once they had an idea of who was willing to go, they chose from among those people. It just seems kind of silly for Coby to be indignant about it, but he seems somewhat prone to the indignation.
Back at the meeting, Katie comments that she wouldn't want to lose Ian from the tribe. Me neither! "I'll be back; we'll see each other again," Ian says, offhandedly making the sort of comment that can cause serious swooning in others without the speaker's even realizing it. Ian asks if it's cool with everyone for him to go, and Coby says that it seems to be the will of the tribe, so he won't fight it. Well, right. Because...what other basis is there on which to make this decision? How would you fight it? You can't argue that you "deserve" it, I don't think. Especially if you're Coby. Coby claims that this entire discussion exposed a subgroup within the team consisting of Ian, Tom, Gregg, Anonymous Jen, and Katie. Wow, he means that to be somewhat scandalous, but I really hope it's true. I mean, five people, none of whom egregiously sucks, taking a power position? Unbelievable! It's a crazy world indeed. But Coby sees the downside, unsurprisingly, noting that this makes for "five against four," with himself, Janu, Caryn, and Willard on the down side of the equation. Tough luck, Coby! It's your own fault, you know, for being Caryn's friend.
Some birds argue out on the beach, and then we are at Ulong, where they have no idea what to do about the team representative thing, any more than they have any idea what to do about anything else. You know that if it were possible to lose at picking a team representative, they would. Steph advocates picking out of a hat, but...nobody seems excited about that. Kim is asked how she feels about going. "I'm fine with it; I think you're good at it too, though," Kim weakly offers to Stephenie. Steph makes a face as drums of tension and cluelessness thumpa-thump in the background. Ulong, as usual, suffers long and arduous silences as someone tries to think of something to say. It's like they leave spaces in the conversation for all their departed tribemates to talk. Steph returns to the idea of drawing straws or doing something else with an element of randomness. Kim doesn't know about that. Angie picks her teeth. Pauuuuuse. Kim interviews that she doesn't like the idea of drawing straws, not that she, like, spoke up and suggested anything as an alternative. James picks his teeth as well. Popular activity, the teeth-picking. I suppose at this point, it's whatever passes the time, no? Kim interviews that, in the end, Ulong probably will make an "impulsive" decision as a result of the team's unwillingness to sit down and think through anything. Because Kim is, I guess, the team's advocate for strategy? Yeah, I don't know. Steph suggests waiting until they get to the challenge, and maybe they can see what it is and decide then. Yeah, you know...I always kind of want to root for Steph, but that's not going to work, there, pumpkin. Of course the rest of the team loves the idea of deferring the decision, because their brains already hurt, so they choose to head out and do some fishing rather than actually doing the one thing they've been asked to do all day. Ulong heads out in their boat. It's really hard to believe they keep losing, isn't it?
Later, Jeff "No Tool Jokes, Please" Probst streaks across the water in a boat with what look like Amazing Race flags on it and a Home Depot logo. (Talk about the sublime and the ridiculous.) He pulls up to the Koror beach, where the curious tribe has gathered. Greetings are exchanged, and the team gives up Ian, its representative. It is explained to Ian, as the tribe looks on, that the challenge today will be building a bathroom, with both a toilet area and a shower/wash area. His role as the leader is to select the six tools he wants from the Home Depot toolshed. They're getting some things for free -- a "bush shower," a toilet seat, a shower curtain and rings, wire, twine, rope, timber, and nails. He has to pick the other stuff. I really wanted there to be a guy in there. Like a handyman you could take as one of your tools. Just hanging there in the cabinet on some hooks. And Ian could have said, "Well, Jeff, I believe we'll take this gentleman." The best part is that Ulong would have passed him up for a level. Anyway, the tools they do pick they will get to keep at camp, a prospect that makes Tom's mouth water, if only because I think he is the type of person who is comforted by the presence of a lot of heavy, blunt objects. Just, you know, in case. Ian interviews that it was tough making the choices, but his dad works in construction and he grew up on a farm, so he didn't feel too adrift. He picks a saw. Presumably a hammer? Some other stuff, and then he's taking the last item, which is some kind of...a pick? I don't know. Never mind. I am stupid, and my knowledge of tools ends at "screwdriver." ["I think it was a pickaxe, and I didn't really understand its value in this context." -- Wing Chun]
Anyway, Ian's question to answer is that he has to choose the three people who will sit out the challenge, remembering that they can't sit out any of the same people in two consecutive challenges. The ones who he chooses to sit for this are Anonymous Jen, Coby, and Janu. Anyway, tomorrow morning, Jeff will be bringing back Jesse, one of the show's ass-kicking challenge builders, and Jesse will judge the bathrooms. Whichever bathroom is judged best, that tribe will receive a visit from the whole construction department (aww, crossover with real life!), which will build them a monstrously awesome shelter. The tribe goes vaguely mad at the idea of a fabulous shelter that would actually keep them dry and comfortable and would probably be so great that it would immediately be yanked away from them week for the sake of drama. Okay, now there are Ian's tools on the ground, and I see...a hammer, yes, and...a measuring tape? That would make sense. Ian claims in an interview to be feeling "fantastic." We all feel fantastic! Because we love you, Dolphin Boy.
Later, Ulong is out fishing, mostly sitting around on the boat and doing nothing while a couple of the guys try to get teeny little fish. "We found Nemo," someone comments. Snerk. And, exactly. I don't understand why Ulong keeps catching these fish that look like you'd stick them on a cracker and serve them as an appetizer, but perhaps it's the nature of the local fish population. When the tribe returns to camp, they find that Jeff is waiting for them. He immediately asks, before they can even pile out of the boat, who their representative is. They sheepishly look at each other. They ask Jeff whether they can ask questions, and Jeff is like, "You don't have your representative yet?" Because...no, you can't ask questions. That's the point! Don't try to outsmart Jeff! You'll confuse him, and somebody will get hurt, and is that what you want? "Give me somebody," Jeff repeats. My question is...why is it not Bobby Jon? He seems like the classic choice. But anyway, they wind up sending James. Note, however, that the person who initially says "James" and is echoed by the whole tribe is Bobby Jon, so I was partly right. And remember that it was Tom who advanced Ian to go, but didn't go himself. I'm telling you, Bobby Jon and Tom are the same guy on their respective tribes, with the exception that Bobby Jon is stuck with more people who suck. Jeff drags James out of the boat.
Now, James interviews that he didn't want to lead the team, but that it was good that they picked him. And why was it good? Well, because, on account of him, they got "the tools that [they] needed to build [their] lavatory." James explains to Jeff that he "used to build houses." A sketchy description if ever there was one. Jeff says hopefully that James has "a background," meaning that perhaps Ulong will not get its ass whipped yet again. But honestly...what are the odds? Anyway, James takes a hatchet, and he declares it to be a hatchet, showing -- you guessed it -- his expertise. "Good choice, James," Steph encourages as he points out the hatchet's features, like the fact that, like many hatchets, it has a hammer on the other side. Tricky! I think I had that Transformer once. Clearly, James will be kicking butt at this challenge, pointing out to his tribe which end of the nail goes into the wood and which end you hit. Once James has chosen all his stuff, Jeff explains about the "kick-ass Survivor shelter" they stand to gain if they win, and the team engages in much ooh-ing and aah-ing, just like they would if they had a chance of winning. James tells us again in an interview that he's not crazy about leadership, but in this case, he was willing to make an exception and tell everyone to "get up off [they] asses" and get to work. I think yelling is the kind of leadership at which James most excels.
Over at Koror, Ian explains that they have a plan, and they're executing it: "Koror's going nuts with this thing." Ian gushes at the awesomeness of the platform Willard has conducted. Willard interviews that Tom and Ian always are careful to say something positive about everyone in the group every day. There was some discussion in the forums over whether Willard was saying this as a positive or a negative; I read it as neither. I think he just recognizes it as something they do on purpose as part of their style. Ian also compliments Katie on putting "WATCH YOUR STEP" on a log to be displayed along the walkway to the bathroom. Willard goes on to say that Tom is a leader, and that it's his living to be one, and he's the team's "motor." Again, I don't think it's presented as good or bad; it just is. Or perhaps Willard started spitting and screaming right after he said that, all, "Can you smell what Willard's cooking?," and they didn't show it, because they're saving his explosive temper for a later storyline. There is sawing. There is nailing. And because it is Koror, there is surprisingly little extravagant sucking.
And then Caryn bitches in an interview that Tom gets to be the leader on all the projects. She proves to be one of those women who thinks that she's a feminist but actually insults all of the other women on the tribe by mocking the way they take their lead about survival stuff in camp from Tom. Of course, given that Tom knows what he's doing and has earned their respect, I don't understand why that's so utterly mockable, but unfortunately, like a lot of women who spend a lot of time talking about how much they dislike the patriarchy, Caryn's real issue is with women she can't get along with, and not with men. Furthermore, if she wants leadership? She can step up and take some, and stop being noticeable mostly for picking fights and fucking up at challenges. In short? Quit yer bellyachin', lady, and pick up a hammer.
Ulong. James is mapping out the area for the shower, and he's interviewing that he thinks he can build an awesome bathroom and land an awesome shelter, even though -- has he mentioned? -- leadership is hard. He helpfully squats so that they can measure for the proper height of the toilet, and that's...evocative. Steph interviews that James can be "very fatherly, which can be annoying at times," even though she appreciates all his work. Angie, on the other hand, is rather less diplomatic in saying that she didn't appreciate James acting like she couldn't hammer a nail by herself. As she explains, when something breaks at her place, she's the one who fixes it. And, word. Me, too. Except for light bulbs, because I am short and hate standing on chairs. Other than that, though!
Steph and Kim have a chat in which Kim complains that she's just worn down from the lack of food. Everyone else looks dubious. James tells us he finds Kim "a little bit useless," but says they discovered that they could put her to work sewing the team's name onto the shower curtain, meaning that they wound up with an actual construction crew of five. One member of that crew, of course, is Bobby Jon, whom James sends into the woods to get him some trees. Out in the woods, Bobby Jon takes a series of mighty whacks at a tree while interviewing that when he's working hard, he puts his "whole body and soul" into it. And...goodness. Yeah, this is all kind of distracting, aesthetically speaking. He explains how "winners keep fightin'," and it's extremely inspirational and everything, but really? Yeah, I'm looking at his shoulders. And, like, hips and stuff. Because...zoiks. Anyway, Bobby Jon cuts down a tree, but when it gets stuck in some other trees on the way down and he can't move it enough to make it fall, he goes right off to cut down another one. Man. He's got deforestation fever, and he doesn't care who knows it. Kim, elsewhere, complains about how hard it is to be on a team with people who have this thing about how everyone should do work. "You want the honest truth," she says, "I think that I'm the smart one, sitting in the center, with a bunch of people running around with their heads chopped off." As if to provide some minimal support to this facially preposterous argument, we watch James tell the team that the reason construction jobs finish late is people freaking out. I'm not sure I believe that, but okay. So Kim, I guess, is supposed to get the "not freaking out" points. She tells us that everyone is losing it because James is driving them crazy. And she thinks she's smart to let "the beast attack the beast." Because the tribe is the beast and James is the beast, and...yeah, not sure. In other news, Angie's poor bra has taken such a beating that she's reached a point of near-toplessness as she looks at James with disgust before walking away, taking her blurred breasts with her. Girlfriend really needs some clothes. This much blurring is not a good thing.
The day, Day 10, Jesse and Jeff arrive at Koror to inspect their bathroom. They walk Jesse back to the spot, as Ian describes the inspection experience as "nerve-wracking." Tom points out the nice "Watch Your Step" sign. They've basically divided their bathroom entirely so that the latrine isn't right with the shower, which is probably smart. Tom shows Jesse the extremely sturdy-framed outhouse-style construction of the potty, telling him that they chose not to enclose the walls with anything. They've got a slanted roof that is enough to keep you at least modestly dry if it's raining, they've got very solid construction...it looks good, if not too private. I'm sure it beats what they're using, though, which is...nothing. , they take Jesse over to look at the shower. Ian shows him that the shower is set up to be raised and lowered to adjust to the height of the person, which is probably actually very important if you're dealing with people of such varying heights (ahem, Ian) and you want to make the most of a fairly primitive shower setup. Ian steps into the shower and gets himself nice and wet. Jesse says he's ready to take off, and Jeff says that if their bathroom is judged best, they'll be back to build the shelter. Gregg interviews that he thinks they put their all into the challenge and did a great job, and he thinks Jesse will give them the victory.
Ulong. The team is still putting the finishing touches on the bathroom as Jesse and Jeff arrive. Jeff notes their apparent recent finish, and James takes him on a tour. It's either funny or stupid or possibly both that they've written "For a Good Time Call Jeff Probst" on the toilet seat. It would be better in small letters on the wall somewhere, really. It's not a complicated joke; you could at least nail the execution. Anyway, they've built the whole thing in one unit, with both the toilet and the shower in the same enclosure, though separated by a sort of a screen. As Jesse looks around, Steph interviews that their bathroom came out looking a lot nicer than she thought it was going to. Jesse goes around and gives the thing a shake, and it's clear that this construction is not nearly as solid as what they had going on over at Koror. It's basically the same way Chapera beat Mogo Mogo so long ago. Both teams did pretty well, I think, but one shelter was built a lot more soundly than the other. Jeff tells Ulong the same thing he told Koror, adding that if he and Jesse don't return by sundown, they probably aren't coming, and the wailing and grieving can begin. When they're gone, Steph congratulates the team, and James interviews that he thinks they won the challenge, and that he expects to see the construction crew within a couple of hours.
Later, at Koror, the team talks about how long they think it will be, and Ian bright-sides it by saying that even if they lose the challenge, they have a toilet and a shower. He and Tom high-five on that one. Ian interviews that he thinks they did well, but that you never know what Ulong will pull off. Which is polite of him. Later, the Home Depot boat stalks the teams. Koror is sitting around on its beach when they hear the sound of a boat. They get up, they see the boat, and they begin to celebrate. Ian's run down the beach with his arms and legs waggling as he yells, "All riiiight!" is officially the cutest thing I have ever seen on this show. They hoot and holler and celebrate, and Tom even does a cartwheel. Wow. Guys at the firehouse will be giving you a little shit about that, I have to think. Tom explains that they could see the Home Depot sign, and that they could see the crew, and everyone hugs.
At Ulong, however, things aren't so cheery. Angie, saddened by the failure of Jeff and Jesse to reappear thus far, says that she doesn't see how the Koror bathroom could have been anywhere near as good as theirs. She suffers from some lack of imagination, you'll notice. Ibrehem -- whose pecs look weirder to me by the day as he gets hungrier -- says that it's starting to look to him like they didn't win. "It's looking kind of grim," he says. And if anyone knows grim when they see it, it would be Ulong.
Over at Koror, the awesome construction crew works on the shelter. The team talks about how huge the reward is -- maybe the best one ever, I'm thinking -- and they can barely stop smiling long enough to say anything. Ian explains that the new shelter is great for them, and that it's "a palace." They are given what looks like a simple A-frame deal with a thatched roof, and it really is quite enormous and lovely, especially compared to what they had before. It makes me want to go directly to Home Depot and...HEY! They tricked me. Anyway, the new shelter appears to have sleeping mats, too, and Katie explains that it included some goodies like a lantern and a picnic table and some other stuff. "It makes the quality of life here so much better," she quite reasonably says. And then as a housewarming gift, they get two bottles of champagne, which Tom calls "the most delicious thing you ever tasted." And then Ian and Tom are ballroom dancing, and Caryn is giggling her ass off, and life is just getting stranger and stranger.
That night, Ulong is digesting yet another defeat. "I don't get it," Steph says. "Damn." "It's probably just because they haven't won one yet," James says, referring to (I guess) reward challenges and suggesting that Koror received a sop from Production in order to even things out. Hee hee. "No, that's BS," Steph says. Well, obviously. James says, somewhat unnecessarily, that he "was confident that [they] had it." But...no. "It's a shame," he says, and then he tries to parlay the misery into some kind of argument that this will make them more hungry, and they'll be more likely to win the immunity challenge. I don't think so, James. There is a sublime level of suck that simply cannot be spun. James claims that in the upcoming challenge, they will "run right through 'em like a dang bulldozer." I didn't know that in the south, they used "dang" to mean "toy."
Ulong, Day 11. Ibrehem has brought back some treemail, and Steph is regarding it with concern. She reads something about "balance and strength" and immediately calls it as a "gladiator thing" where they'll have to hit each other. She also notes that they've been given a sample of a sort of battering pillow with rope handles at each end. Steph says she's going to practice, and she takes a few whacks at a tree. Hee. She interviews that she really thinks they'll be screwed if they miss this immunity, because they'll be down 9-5, which is just not how you want things to go. Bobby Jon -- in an interview that's surprisingly compelling -- says that he wants it bad, too. "Fight, fight, fight, fight, fight," he says. "That's all I know to do." Aww. He's a nutbar, but he's such a sweetheart in his way. They head out for the challenge.
Probst welcomes the teams to a challenge beach. He starts by taking back the coconut monkey from Koror. I swear, if Ulong ever wins immunity, the coconut monkey is going to psychologically traumatized by being separated from the only home it has ever known. Jeff then explains that, just as Steph suspected, this is a sumo-style battle on a platform out in the water, and they'll use the padded bags with the handles -- in fact, they have to keep both hands on the bags at all times. So basically, the bags aren't really there to hit people with; they're there to keep you from hurting each other. The object is to knock your opponent off the platform, and you can't use your feet. Koror has to sit out three people, two men and a woman (because the challenge is man-man and woman-woman). They sit Willard, Ian, and Katie.
The first round is the epic battle of Tom and Bobby Jon that I felt from the beginning would control this entire thing. It would set the tone, for one thing, and it seemed like a lot of the rest of the battles could go either way -- both tribes have strengths and weaknesses. But this, to me, was the one to watch. And...go! Tom goes down first, and looks to be on the ropes. Bobby Jon is pushing him toward the edge of the platform when Tom...just stops being able to be pushed. Gradually, Tom gets to his knees, then does a spin move and hops to his feet. And then he gets Bobby Jon just slightly off-balance, and with a mighty couple of steps, hurls him off the platform. It's a sign of my growing affection for Bobby Jon that I honestly could have been happy with that one going either way. Have I mentioned I also have no defense against the demographic of Moderately Insane And Potentially Ill-Tempered But Probably A Lover Of Animals And Possessed Of Excellent Shoulders? Because it's a little bit true. Anyway, an excited Koror hoots and hollers.
up, Steph versus Anonymous Jen. Anonymous Jen comes at Steph hard, but Steph just pushes back, and I think Anonymous Jen is just so little that she can't do a whole lot, and Steph just kind of shoves her off the side. Which is awesome. I love Steph.
The battle is Gregg and Ibrehem. As they tussle, Ibrehem first loses his bag and picks up the DQ, and then goes into the water anyway, so Koror is up 2-1.
Now, it's time for Angie versus Caryn, also known as the one match in which I am actively rooting for Ulong. Because Caryn should get thrown in the water a lot. The continually tough Angie takes a couple of shoves, but gets Caryn out in a hurry.
Ulong having pulled even thanks to its ass-kicking women, we move to James versus Coby. Coby goes "shove, shove, shove," and James goes right off the side. Man, I'll bet that's not what James thought was going to happen there at all. He'd better look out -- his ass looks ripe for a stomping. Steph and Angie look at each other unhappily.
We close out this first round with Janu and Kim, also known as the battle of the women who didn't bring enough body fat with them. Janu finishes Kim off in about three seconds, unsurprisingly. So now, Koror is up 4-2, and the first team to six points wins, so Ulong needs to get moving.
The second round opens with the rematch of Tom and Bobby Jon. "Come on, Tarzan!" Kim encourages. Don't mock, blondie! His feelings are delicate. Again, Bobby Jon seems to get the early advantage. But this time, it seems to come down to a slight loss of balance on Bobby Jon's part, and Tom totally capitalizes and drives him clean off yet again. So now it's 5-2 Koror.
up? The return of Steph and Anonymous Jen. Anonymous Jen has a chance to win it for Koror. Buuuuut...she doesn't. It's a very good battle, and Jen puts up an impressive fight, especially compared to last time. But finally, Steph knocks her down near the edge of the platform, and then is ultimately able to roll her right off. That's 5-3 Koror.
up? Gregg versus Ibrehem. This time, Ibrehem puts Gregg in immediately, and Ulong remains alive.
Who's up now? Well, it's Caryn and Avenging Angie. Angie takes about two seconds to dispose of Caryn. Unfortunately, Angie celebrates by screaming, "WE ARE NOT GOING BACK TO IMMUNITY-- TRIBAL COUNCIL!" Oh, man. When you step on your own moment like that, it is so painful. I've done it many times, and believe me, being pantsed is much less painful.
Okay, so the final battle will be the one between James and Coby. And...go! Coby proves better at this than I would have predicted, and he winds up getting the best of James, meaning that Koror wins immunity yet again, and Ulong is going to tribal council yet again, and is going to vote someone off yet again, but at least the coconut monkey gets to go home, right? Koror celebrates. Coby and Katie seem to have some kind of claw-making joke between the two of them that I find a little endearing. Angie looks all kinds of sad. Jeff tells Ulong they're about to drop from six to five, and they head back to camp. It sort of seems like they could have skipped the rest of this episode, but they went ahead with it, so I will, too.
Back at camp, Angie and Steph are hating the fact that they got beaten so badly. "I didn't know Coby was that much stronger than James," Steph says somewhat dismissively, as James stands with his very biblical dress-like garment billowing in the wind as he plays with a stick. In an interview about which you just don't know whether to laugh or cry, James says, "It feels terrible havin' my butt whooped by a homo-sexchull. But a lot of gay folks are strong, man. They all workin' out at the gym and all, you know? Damn." Thank you, James. I'm sure all the gay gyms out there appreciate your recognition of all they're doing to make the same-sex-oriented population more formidable. You know, I was asked an interesting question via email this week, and I leave it to your consideration: do we know for a fact that Coby is gay, and does James? I mean, I'm not arguing with the odds, but it's interesting that everyone seems to just "know." ["He showed up in a pink polo shirt. I mean, I don't want to generalize, but...come on." -- Wing Chun]
In an interview, Bobby Jon, with great tension in his voice, laments the way they keep losing. "I personally got my butt whipped," he says with great pain. Elsewhere, Steph is telling Angie, "I'm so sick of losing that I don't know what to do." Steph explains that she was incredibly upset and angry after the challenge, because James lost it for them. Which...I dig her so much, but that's totally not fair. As I said, I think the iconic challenge was Bobby Jon and Tom. Had Bobby Jon and Tom even split their two matches, Ulong would have won. You could certainly just as easily blame Bobby Jon as James, because they both lost twice. James is kind of the fall guy because of the order in which the matches happened. Anyway, Steph and Angie are talking about the fact that at least they're doing well, because they didn't get beat. It's really interesting, the bond between those two women. It's definitely not one I would have called early, but I respect Angie for hanging in long enough and finding a way to be chill enough to let herself be befriended by a woman she probably would not have picked out as a potential ally. I'm not sure I entirely like Angie all the time, but she makes for a very interesting story.
Elsewhere, James is informing Kim that they're not even going to talk about the game -- they're just going to go and vote. You'll recall that once, in the past, she asked him to tell her if he was going to vote for her, so I assume that's why he's doing this. James interviews that they all know that Kim is going home, because she doesn't do any work, and just sits around and drinks out of coconuts. "She's gone," he says. Of course, he said that once before, so it's hard to know how seriously to take him. Bobby Jon's pixelized butt crack wanders by as we watch the women have a chat in which Steph observes darkly that if they vote off Kim, it's going to be three men versus her and Angie, although...I'm not sure why she assumes that those particular men would necessarily align. I think the closest thing to a grouping in Ulong is actually Steph, Angie, and Bobby Jon. That'd be my expected group of three if they went to tribal council again with five people left. Anyway, there is an effort to create some suspense about the boot (which really isn't very suspenseful) by implying that perhaps they won't boot Kim after all, but will go with one of the guys to get the women a numerical advantage. Steph explains this conflict in an interview, and claims to Kim that she doesn't know what to do. Kim interviews that she'd be willing to see one of the guys go instead of her. Well, she does seem like a good, neutral observer to ask.
Ibrehem says that it's a straight-up, very easy weak-link vote for him: Kim all the way. But Steph and Angie aren't so sure, and Angie, too, interviews that she and Steph are talking about the possibility of choosing to get rid of one of the guys. Angie says that the plus side is having the numerical upper hand, but the minus side is that they'd be likely to keep losing the immunity challenges if they put their faith in...you know, Kim. Kim, in turn, says that she won't really know whether it's her or one of the guys until they get to tribal council, which she blames on the group's inability to make decisions until the last minute. Or, of course, they're not telling her.
Evening. Tribal council. They file in and sit, just the six little people who are left. Jeff snots that he saved their seats. Because occasionally, Jeff is a bitch, God love him. He confronts them about how frustrating all the losses must be, and Steph says it's "so frustrating." She doesn't know what to do, as she's said a couple of times, and doesn't know why giving their best isn't turning out to be adequate. Angie says that she was really upset that they didn't win the reward challenge, and then losing the immunity challenge on top of that was "devastating." Bobby Jon is asked for thoughts, and opines that, clearly, he himself is doing something wrong, because they're getting whomped so badly and he's being whomped personally. "I have let our tribe down in challenges," he says. Aww!
Jeff says something about "accountability," which I always love, and then he talks about "camp life." Asked about going fishing, Kim makes a weird argument that they all go on the fishing trips, they just all don't do the actual fishing. Which is awesome, because it totally confuses Jeff Probst, who can't believe she's really arguing that it counts if you go out on the boat and sit on your ass. Kim chuckles that it's not like she and Stephenie could go out and fish together. Ha ha! Of course. Because they have girl arms. Jeff asks Stephenie whether she and the other two women could survive if they had to without the guys. Steph diplomatically splits the hair, saying that they certainly rely on the guys, but that they could be self-sufficient if they needed to. Angie puts in a plug for her own competence, expressing a little bit of a bristly sense regarding the guys who tried to "help" her put in a nail while they were building the bathroom. James and Ibrehem sort of prove her point by smirking and rolling their eyes at this complaint. Asked for his view of this, Bobby Jon says with what appears to be at least some sincerity that he's been hanging around with these particular women long enough to figure out that they're perfectly well as strong as, you know, James, not that he says it that way. And with Bobby Jon, you know he counts being strong in mind when he says "strong," so he's partly addressing the fact that no matter who's physically capable of what, they have two women on their team who play every single challenge like bad-asses, which is more than they can say for some of their guys. You know Bobby Jon loves both Angie and Steph just for trying so damn hard.
Jeff asks James about being beaten by Coby, and James decides that now his objection is that Coby is "a hairdresser." Mm. Subtle. "I'll tell you what, that boy right there's got some ass behind him." Um. Never mind. Jeff points out that James kind of has to say that, since Coby beat him. And James admits that...this is true. Jeff points out that of the six points it took to beat them, Koror scored five of them off the men. (Which the clever ones among you already know, because you've been reading this very recap.) "The women carried this tribe again," Jeff says. "Yes, they did," James agrees. Because, again, no choice. And then Kim makes the mistake of grouping herself in with the women and ragging on the guys, which she really cannot get away with, like, at all, and it is so completely time for her to go.
And now, it is time for the voting! Ibrehem votes. James votes for Kim, saying she's "not putting much effort into the tribe." Steph votes. Kim votes for James, saying he's "dictating a little too much." I think she knew she was going. Bobby Jon votes. Angie votes. Jeff returns with the urn-o-votes. One for Kim. One for James. And then it's a landslide! Kim, Kim, Kim, and that will do it. Not. Very. Surprising. She brings over her torch and is snuffed, wishing her tribe luck. I really think there are no hard feelings; how could she make a case for herself when she wouldn't work at camp OR in challenges? She can't really blame them. Jeff calls it a "demoralizing first eleven days" and sends them back to camp. He certainly isn't pulling too many punches, is he?
In her exit interview, Kim says that she had fun, but that she really hopes someone from Ulong wins, and not someone from Koror. Because she's all about team spirit when it doesn't involve standing up.
week: more smooching! More trouble for Ulong! Something unexpected!