Previously on Ami's Krazy Mixed-Up Guide To Girl-Bashing Feminism: Ami, Chad, and Chris pushed Eliza through an obstacle course and were treated to a feast of undercooked meat and muddy liquor. They could hardly believe their luck! It was like the Spring Fling in college, only without the streakers. Back at camp, Scout hatched a plan to boot Eliza and Ami, which looked like it was coming together until Ami found out about it. Because Scout told her. Scout was immediately enrolled in future remedial strategery classes, in which Lesson #1 will be that the expression "dog eat dog" doesn't mean it's the same dog, so when you're having a party to plot against someone, it's better not to invite her. Twila snagged immunity, and when Ami talked the Long-Dark-Haired Minions into coming back to the fold, Scout and Twila scattered like cockroaches, and Chad took the boot. Six women and one guy left. Who will be voted off tonight? (And if you say "Chris," you've clearly been watching the show all season, because honestly, what other outcome is plausible?)
Credits. Oh, how I miss Chad already. What a pretty, pretty bald man he was.
Volcano! And...more volcano! Do you think things are getting...hotter? Do ya feel it? DO YA? We stare up through night-vision palm trees, and then see the limp, dusty Alinta flag on Night 27. It doesn't really seem like it can really be all that limp and dusty, but that's sure the way the spooky music makes it look. The sad little group returns from tribal council, and Eliza tells everyone that she had -- yet again -- been totally convinced she was going home. Eliza explains in an interview that she doesn't enjoy going to tribal council over and over again feeling like her head is on the block (which it generally is), but that she finds it a little amusing that no matter how much everyone schemes against her, she's still there. I agree with her. And the farther she gets, the funnier it is, because Eliza's success is self-righteousness's failure, and I have nothing but good things to say about that. As a fire burns, Chris huddles with Eliza, Leann, and Julie, and spills the beans about Twila and Scout's having had this plot to oust Eliza and then knock off the Ami/Leann/Julie axis. Eliza sits with her mouth hanging open. We know she's not shocked to hear she was on the block, so perhaps she's surprised to hear that her own booting was not the end of the plan. "Swear to God on my family's life," Chris says, and he can, because it's completely true. Just because the FBI always says it doesn't mean it isn't true -- sometimes, the craftiest scheme is telling the truth. In an interview, Chris explains that as soon as he got back, he ratted Scout and Twila right out, just to keep everything nice and stirred up. "I just mixed things up as soon as we got back. It's gonna be a mess," he chuckles. I'm happy for him. He has yet to figure out the obvious way to solve his problem, but at least he's scrambling instead of just sitting there waiting for the axe to fall or giving embittered interviews in which he says, "I don't play like that; I play with honor" or some such self-pitying horseshit. Leann says that this "changes everything in [her] head for the moment," which I don't think is exactly a feat on par with moving a piano, if you see my point. But then she voices over that she's not sure what to believe about Chris's claims, because it's obviously to Chris's advantage to create discord among the women. Glad she's got the mental burners on "warm," at least. She's not ready to simmer anything, but at least she could keep soup from congealing.
Clouds float across a blue sky in what looks like stock footage used in a commercial for allergy medication. On the morning of Day 28, Ami and Leann relax in a hammock, nibbling on coconuts and writing "Boys Suck" in their notebooks. Leann interviews that she was a little surprised by everything that happened the night before, so now, she needs to talk to Twila. She goes and bothers Twila -- who's working, as usual, because she doesn't like talking about people behind their backs or standing meaningfully on rocks, so she is probably bored a lot. Twila claims that Chris is planting doubts for his own purposes, and that she thinks there's entirely too much paranoia going around. "I have to tell you, Twila," Leann says, in the lecturing tone of disappointed condescension she probably learned from Ami, "you're striking me as a panic player right now." Twila grabs for the last door marked "BAIL OUT HERE" by giving up the fact that the intrigue last week began with Scout's determination to boot Eliza, not Twila's. Leann -- still borrowing Ami's head-shaking dismay at the imperfections of others -- tells us that Twila confirmed what Chris said, but blamed Scout. "I just didn't think it would happen this soon," chuckles Leann, just so gol-durn let down by everyone. "I thought we would at least wait until the guys were gone before the girls started going crazy on each other." Which is, of course, easy for her to say, because she believes she has a path to the final two. She believes they'll boot Chris, then Eliza, then Scout and Twila, and that she, Ami, and Julie will be F3, and then either Ami or Julie will take her to F2 if it comes to that. This is what Leann believes. And she expects Scout and Twila to go along with this...why? Oh, right. Because it's a hippie commune, not a competition. Shut up, Leann. "If they were going to come up with that plan, they should have stuck with it, 'cause now they're screwed," Leann says knowingly. Yeah, you know...I do sort of think I hear the vague sounds of the impending screw, I'm just...not sure I'm hearing them coming from the same direction Leann is. Go figure.
There are more clouds, and then we move to a beach where the tribe is approaching. Julie is wearing, cockeyed, the Ohio State (I think) baseball cap that has been circulating among her, Chris, and Ami. The obnoxious crooked appearance of said hat will taunt me for the remainder of this segment. The fact that it's okay for one of the Little Rascals, Julie, doesn't mean that it's okay for you. Jeff welcomes the final seven, and then he informs them that this challenge will test their recall of what's happened since the beginning of the game. They'll be asked five questions, and the person who has the most points after five questions will be the winner of the reward. And what's the reward? Well, this is the part of the game where the sap factor begins to swell, because it's time for...the loved ones! Your reward this week will be a one-hour online chat -- which Jeff insists upon referring to as "email," because he hasn't been out of his rugged, khaki-lined hole since 1997 -- with your beloved whatever. What's more, they'll each be teased with a one-minute opportunity to say hello before the challenge starts. Get out your hankies, it's time to see a bunch of normal-looking people who will remind you that almost everyone on Survivor, even if not stupendously hot, is substantially more attractive than anyone they know.
The team pours into the IT hut. Once they're standing by the computer table, Jeff comments to Twila that she's already crying, and she laughs nervously. He tells her she can go first, and she asks him if somebody can type for her, because she doesn't know how to type. Aww. Twila gets very weepy sitting in front of the machine, but Jeff tells her not to worry, because this isn't even a typing chat -- it's a webcam chat. So he sets up the webcam and brings up a window, and there's Twila's son, just about as you'd expect. Looks like her, with short, neat hair and a bit of a shy expression. He waves at her. "Hi, Mom, how are you?" he asks. She cries. "I was bein' tough till I seen you," she blubbers to him, which is really cute, because...she wasn't, really, but...aww. "Ohhh, you're still tough," he assures her. He tells her he loves her, and she says, "I love you, too, buddy." So cute! Jeff tells her to wrap it up, so Twila and her son say goodbye. She tells her son -- still crying, mostly -- that she's "not very good at this stuff," but says she'll talk to him later. "Do good for me," he tells her. They sign off, and everybody in the group is a little weepy. And, shockingly, so am I. Aww! Damn sentimental highway workers.
Leann goes to the computer and brings up her best friend Teri. It's nice to see best friends all, "I love you!," but really, it's a letdown after Twila and her kid. I know Wing Chun has trouble believing there are this many only-children/orphans. Of course, you have to account for the ones whose parents aren't speaking to them because they're on television with their pixelized asses. ["Also, a season and a half of Starting Over should have taught me by now that there are way more reality-show famewhores who are estranged from their blood relations for various dumb reasons than one might guess." -- Wing Chun] Leann's visit is over soon, basically, because no one cares.
Eliza sits down, and tells us that she just wants to see "Mommy." I was really tempted to make a lame-ass Nancy Reagan joke here, but I have more respect for you than that. I may even have more respect for Eliza's mommy than that. Eliza and her mother blow extravagant kisses with a lot of "MWAH!" noise to them, which is kind of funny. Eliza's mom wishes she could give Eliza a hug. "Be nice to my Lizey out there, you guys," her mom says.
to step in are Julie and the crooked hat, and she gets to talk to her...friend, Justin. Another foundling, apparently. What I love about Justin is that both he and Julie start to laugh hysterically when they see each other on the screen, like, "Get a load of this shit!" Which I think is exactly what my friends and I would do in the same situation, not that I can see any of us going on Survivor, which is part of why they're my friends. But anyway. Julie and Justin have a nice chat, which includes copious use of the word "dude," and then they have to say goodbye as well.
Scout sits at the computer, and Jeff asks her what her partner's name is. "Annie," Scout intones with great love. Aside from the fact that Annie makes a very odd, high-pitched keening noise when she sees Scout, they have a very loving reunion, which makes Scout cry a whole, whole lot.
Ami sits down , and hopes to talk to her girlfriend Crissy. And there's Crissy! They're very sweet, too, all, "I love you, babe" and all that jazz. As with most people I strongly dislike, I like Ami best around someone she apparently is very fond of. In other news, that's quite a beak Crissy's got on her, not to interrupt the touching moment.
up is Chris's girlfriend Laurie, who acts really happy to see him. "Put your hands on the screen," she says to him. He holds up his hands. "I'm right here," he says. There's something about Chris's expression here that seemed very genuine, like he's almost having the thought that leaving for this long was a really, really stupid idea. Probably especially now that he knows he's not going to win anyway. He just seems sort of...apologetic, in this odd way. "So what kind of plans have you made for Cancun?" he asks her, adding, "They all already know." Laurie smiles. "Yes, we're going to get married," she says. Everyone applauds. I have developed a lot of affection for Chris, I have to say, since the early episodes in which I really did agree with the tagging of him as the dumb-ass drive-time radio guy. Which he kind of still is. ["He is, but I like him best now too." -- Wing Chun] Even with the ponytail, he seems like a pretty sweet character. "You're beautiful, and I'll see you soon," he tells Laurie.
And now, Jeff pries them all away from the computer and sends them out for the challenge. When they're all seated, he starts with a question about who broke the most tiles with the slingshot. The answer is Rory, as everyone correctly answers. The question concerns which man was first to start assembling his ladder. It was Chad, which everybody also gets right, as they should, since they were sitting around watching at the time. He then asks who sat out during the second immunity challenge. It's a really unfair question, because all the women were part of the tribe that had to sit someone out, and Chris wasn't, but ah, well. The answer is Dolly, and all the women get it, except Twila. Who is really not a trivia buff, I don't think. Even about her own life. So at this point, each of the women except Twila has three points, and Twila and Chris have two. , Jeff asks what the four symbols were in the fourth immunity challenge. The correct answers are pig, volcano, skull, and palm tree. Most of the women get three, with Twila and Chris again bringing up the rear with one each. So everyone else is pulling away from Chris and Twila, in case you haven't noticed.
Now, Jeff asks who fell into the water most often in the first reward challenge. The answer is John K., with his aversion to manly hugging, and everyone gets it but Ami, Leann, and Scout. This puts Julie and Eliza in a tie at seven, so the two of them will go to a tiebreaker. I have to wonder how stupid the rest of these people are feeling for losing a brain game to Julie and Eliza. In the tiebreaker, Jeff asks them to name as many of the pairs that the teams uncovered in the Concentration-style challenge as they can. Julie sits there. Jeff comments on the blank expression on her face, resisting the urge to add something like, "As usual," like I would have. Eliza scribbles, scribbles, and scribbles. When time expires, Julie has...not one thing. Oh, Julie. ["My sister thought Julie threw it, since her loved one was just a friend and she wanted Eliza to get to see her mom, but I think that's giving Julie too much credit." -- Wing Chun] Eliza, on the other hand, has a few right, so she wins the reward, and will be getting to chat with her mother. She looks very, very happy about this. "Ready to go have a little chat with your mom?" Jeff asks. "Or would you rather your mom came out here and chatted with you?" Eliza jumps up, her lemur-eyes even more huge than usual, and one hand over her mouth. Eliza's mom runs out from behind the hut. She and Eliza hug, as behind them, the rest of the tribe figures out that, in all likelihood, their loved ones are back there somewhere, too. They should have had a "rescue your loved one from the production hut" challenge. I would enjoy seeing Twila up in a camera guy's face like, "My boy's back 'ere...you can move aside or ah can tie ya in a square knot. Up to you." Once Eliza and Mom have hugged for long enough, Jeff reveals that it's not really a chat for an hour -- it's really an overnight visit. What's more, he says that, indeed, everybody else's dose of human contact is here as well, and they'll all be brought out for just a quick greeting before they have to leave. You know, to avoid revolt and justify the cost of the plane tickets.
Twila goes first, and again, she's the one who makes me a little teary. Her son runs out and picks her up off the ground as they hug. That is a lot of love, people. And it's so funny, because I think people perceive Twila as pretty gruff and hard to get to know, but it's evident that she holds absolutely nothing back from this kid. There's nothing cold about her; she just doesn't run around splashing phony affection on people she doesn't like. Arguably a good quality. They exchange "love you"s, and he goes to stand aside.
Leann jumps up and down as she waits for Teri. They hug, they exchange an encouraging word. Snore.
Scout stands up to wait for Annie. Annie runs out, yelling with excitement, probably one misstep away from a broken hip. Just kidding, AARP! Don't email me! They hug, but any girl-on-girl kissing is cut out, which...I'm very torn about. I'm so happy that they treat this relationship like any other one in so many lovely ways, but I'm so bummed that they won't even show a little smooch. Because I'm guessing that there was one. On the other hand, seeing Rupert possessively suck his wife's tongue for public consumption struck me as gross and show-offy, so maybe it's just as well.
Justin runs out and greets Julie, and they laugh about the fact that when he puts her down, her shorts are about to come clean off. That's the best kind of friend, really, is the one who makes your pants fall down. As Julie and Justin laugh, we cut to Eliza, who is watching with absolutely rapt attention, despite the fact that she already has her mom with her. Eliza reminds me so much of Jenna Lewis, another person I liked more than most people did, who also had an impressive capacity to be happy for other people, even when they were basically not very nice to her. Maybe I just have a soft spot for people who talk too much. I wonder why that would be.
Ami's girlfriend comes in, and there will be no kissing on TV for them, either. Thanks for scaring the shit out of everyone, FCC! I feel safe in the knowledge that I still like boys! Whew! I'm glad you protected me! But with that caveat, it's very sweet.
And then Laurie runs out to greet Chris. I love this, because she jumps up on him and wraps her legs around him, clinging to his neck, even though she's a normal-sized lady and not some little teeny thing like the girls you usually see pulling that maneuver. I think it's very telling about the closeness of their relationship that she did that with such a total absence of inhibition. "I love you, I'll be home," he says. And aside from a peck on the cheek, they don't really kiss either. It's very interesting. I wondered whether this was a compromise in light of knowing they'd get heat if they showed two chicks making out like Rupert and Laura did -- just don't show it with anyone. It doesn't matter that much, because I'm not hot on the make-out scene anyway, but it would be interesting to know how those scenes were negotiated.
At any rate, Jeff sends all the loved ones but Eliza's mom to a boat, where they take off. He sends the tribe and E-Mom back to camp.
At Alinta, later on Day 28, the tribe "welcomes" E-Mom, in the sense that everyone does his or her best to be completely chilly to her, as far as we can tell. Eliza interviews that she's very excited to be able to share all of this with her mother, who is her "best friend." The tribe shares a little "trail mix" with her, which Eliza explains is just fried coconuts and plantains. That's a fairly nice discovery, if they figured that out themselves. Someone asks E-Mom if she thinks Eliza looks thinner, and E-Mom says she found Eliza's cheeks on the computer a little gaunt-looking. E-Mom interviews that she worried a lot about Eliza -- about everything from whether she'd get bug bites or parasites to whether she'd stop flossing or get the Ebola virus. Oh, poor worrying moms and the way they think you're going to get the Ebola virus.
As Eliza and E-Mom take a walk alone, Eliza acknowledges in an interview that people might indeed be resentful of the fact that she won the reward and got to see her mother. She just hopes that if they like E-Mom, then it might be a net positive, as if anyone here would ever be that generous in spirit. We see Eliza telling her mother that she was supposed to be an early target because she talked too much. Her mother laughs heartily. "You're too annoying," she says with understanding. A lot of people found that harsh, but I thought it was actually kind of endearing. It's not something my mom would say, but I didn't take it literally -- I took it as Eliza and her mom both knowing that "she's so annooooying!" is a pretty typical complaint about Eliza, and they've both kind of learned to let it roll off them.
We now move to an extremely ill-advised beach summit between Scout, Leann, and Ami, in which Leann is quizzing Scout about the plot last week to team up with Chris and Chad against Eliza, then Ami. Now what I don't get about this is that Leann was there when this, or at least part of this, was discussed. How is she so surprised? At any rate, Leann grills Scout about Twila's assertion that it was Scout's plan all along. Scout interviews that she started out planning to play with integrity, and if that didn't work, to "lie, cheat, and steal." Which is a good line, sort of, but honestly, starting out to play with integrity in the first place is so stupid, because in the context of this game, what does that even mean? Is she Lex all of a sudden? Is she not wanting to sell out her alliance for a stack of greenbacks? Hasn't anyone learned anything?
Anyway, in the "lying" vein, Scout tells Leann and Ami that the whole thing was Chad's plan, not hers. Scout says she's been faithful, and seems to refer back to an agreement that they had to "stick together." Leann makes a fateful error in judgment that she will replay in her mind for quite some time, I suspect, when she snottily says, "We said we'd stick together, but I never made any promises about final four with you, Scout." Scout says her impression had been that they had just such an arrangement -- that she and Twila and Ami and Leann, who have been allied with each other since very early in the game, would go to the end together. "We didn't ever say anything about the final four with you," Ami says haughtily. The potential fallout from this conversation is so obvious that it's hard for me to imagine what could have possessed Ami and Leann, but there you have it. Scout interviews that she was intending to do "damage control" during this summit, but that it became clear to her that Ami and Leann had abandoned their alliance with her and Twila. "Have you promised Jules?" Scout asks. "I have since promised Jules," Leann confirms. "Okay, so you want Jules to go to the final four," Scout says. Leann nods. "I do," she says. Brilliant! In other words, "I just want you to understand, Scout, that it's the three of us against the four of you." Math, Leann, math! It goes to show you, among other things, that these women have lasted a long time by playing an extremely simple but persistent Pagonging strategy, not by being especially brilliant. They don't have a multi-dimensional game, the way, for instance, Boston Rob did. I've said it many times, and I'm sure I will again -- very often, the most important strategic ability is counting. Scout looks back and forth between Leann and Ami.
We cut to Scout, throwing her hands up into claws and hissing. Hee. "My hackles came up, and they're still up," she says. She adds, "Whatever happens, 'Vengeance is mine,' sayeth the jury." And there you have, I think (or hope), foreshadowing that if Ami makes it to the final two, she will never get Scout's vote, no matter who else is involved. I certainly hope that's true, because there isn't anyone I would like to see trounced in a vote than Ami.
Volcano! Night, then sunrise, and it is Day 29. Everyone sits around the fire, working on little craft projects, mostly made from coconuts. As it turns out, E-Mom is leaving shortly, and they all thought they'd give her a little something to take back to their loved ones. The gifts look a bit ragtag, but fortunately, it's the thought that counts. And in this case, the thought seems to be, "I cannot get you a card, so...here, okay?" As E-Mom walks down to the beach with the tribe, she and Eliza squeeze in a few more hugs. Eliza voices over that E-Mom's presence has motivated her and made it easier for her to keep going. Another classic sentiment I have now officially heard way too many times for it to be interesting. About to climb into the boat, E-Mom abruptly strips off her purple-pink button-down shirt and hands it to Eliza, leaving herself in only her white sports bra. Eliza explains that E-Mom realized Eliza didn't even have anything with sleeves to wear anymore, so she handed over the shirt. The team waves goodbye to E-Mom's boat, and Scout waves the shirt and calls out, "She came out and stripped to her panties, and left in only her bra! She is our kind of woman!" I don't like Scout much, but...heh. I'm also happy we didn't see the "panties" part, I think. That's just unnecessary. Leann gives Eliza a hug as she sniffles over her mother's departure.
Ants crawl over a rock. Ami, Twila, and Leann take a walk in search of manioc and a reinforced alliance. Leann says she wanted to hear Twila's explanation of the whole Chad/Chris situation from last week. Twila assures Leann that people have approached her with all kinds of different plans. "It doesn't matter," Twila tells her. "My heart has stayed true to you and Ami." Ami then chastises Twila for not immediately reporting whatever contacts she had with boys, because Ami always tells the women anytime the men approach her. Which...they never would have, because Ami is the leader of the women, so it's easy for her to say. Shut up, Ami. Twila tries to explain that she was being lobbied very hard, and Ami just doesn't understand why Twila would be at all conflicted, and makes it clear that even by being conflicted, Twila has shown disloyalty. Right. Because unquestioning faithfulness to people who have already admitted that any alliance they have with you is of limited duration and that they later intend to ditch you is nevertheless your obligation as a human being. And a girl. And an American.
Ami gives some interview in which she spouts a lot of pompous bullshit about Twila's confusion over what it means to be on a team, or some such crap. Again, Ami is making a grossly obvious effort to leverage traditional female guilt against Twila, which would be fine if she weren't so obviously convinced that she has some kind of moral justification for acting like such a jerk. Leann, too, tries to make Twila feel bad by telling her that she has "mistrust for [Twila] now," and she adds that she gave Twila her word. Of...what, exactly? Of making it, like, two more rounds before being scuttled? Shut up! Twila repeats that she gave Ami and Leann her word as well. Twila proceeds to swear on her son that she will remain faithful to Ami and Leann. Ami deflects all conflict away from herself again by asking Leann whether she feels okay about everything now. Leann admits to continuing mixed feelings: "I feel guarded." "Don't," Twila says flatly. Twila tells us in an interview that she swore on her kid's name that she'd stay with Ami and Leann. "But...maybe if I win a million dollars, God'll forgive me," she says, looking sheepishly at the sky and laughing. Hee hee. Honestly, I'm in favor of any defense against Ami and Leann's passive-aggressive "Kumbaya" bullshit, and I'm not so hot on swearing on stuff anyway. My people don't even take oaths in court, so it's pretty meaningless to me. I also just love Twila for being so normal. You know, relatively.
At Alinta on Day 30, that damn bat is still hanging upside-down. He has got to be getting tired. Chris is taking a walk with Julie, and telling her he's going to win immunity. "You better," she says. He tells us that Julie has been acting as his information provider within the women's alliance, and that it's clear to him from his conversations with her that things are set, and that if he fails to win immunity, he's finished. They fetch the treemail announcing the immunity challenge, and for some reason, I'm completely annoyed by the rhyming of "hurry" with "jury." At least the crap verse could involve real rhymes. That should be my new job -- treemail copywriter. I'm available, you know. Call me! "I'm going to win immunity," Chris says into the camera. In fact, he promises. "It's a fact," he says. Indeed. Dewey defeats Truman!
We go to a challenge course, where Jeff awaits. He takes immunity back from Twila, and immediately announces that the challenge will be run in pairs. "Let's bring in the people you're going to pair up with," he says. And sure enough, here are the loved ones. Back again. Everyone claps and jumps up and down, and I think that's officially once too often to that well. Once per episode will do it, producer-types. Between the original "you will get to chat with your loved ones," the "Wait -- they're actually here!," and this, it's just gotten silly. The third time people jump up and down, it starts to feel juuuust a little perfunctory, you know? Jeff reminds the group that now, the loved ones will either be a help or a hindrance in the immunity challenge, and that is the basis on which you should decide whether to ever see them again. Okay, not really. But you know that's what he thinks. What will happen is that each team will get a color, and every LO will be blindfolded. The castaways will each stand up on a perch and direct his or her blindfolded LO to a series of posts where bags of puzzle pieces hang. You have to direct your LO to each post, and then to the right bag, which they'll have to untie (still blindfolded). Then you direct them back to you. There are three bags all together for each team. When all three are fetched, the LO takes off the blindfold, and both people work on assembling the puzzle. First to assemble it wins immunity.
"Survivors ready...go!" There are a lot of people yelling "To your right! To your right!" and "To your left!" and such, and it's quite the cacophony. Ami gets Crissy to a bag first, and of course has to holler gloatingly, because she's Ami, and that's what she does. Chris yells to Laurie after she grabs the first bag that she's going to have to walk a little faster. Crissy gets the first bag back to Ami. E-Mom? Sucks at this. She's cute, but she sucks at this, or else Eliza does, or both. Laurie brings a bag back to Chris. Twila yells to her son Jimmy that he needs to go to his right. No, his right. No, his right. He goes left. "Jimmy, to your other right!" she yells. Hee hee. Oh, moms. Annie gets a bag back to Scout. Julie walks Justin right into a pole with his forehead. That's gonna leave a mark. Crissy brings back the second bag to Ami. Laurie remains nervous, and I think she's not quite able to walk as fast as some of the others, because walking blindfolded just feels too unnatural to her. She does get a second bag back to Chris. Leann gets Teri stuck behind a rope and can't seem to figure out how to get her unstuck. That is quite a head-scratcher. Laurie feels her way along the final set of bags. Crissy gets the third one back to Ami, though, and they're first to start assembling the puzzle. Laurie then returns with the third bag, and she and Chris start the puzzle.
As Laurie and Chris start the puzzle, he mutters, "I'm going home if we lose." She tells him not to say that. "That's a fact, babe," he says. They continue working, and are soon joined by Scout and Annie, and then Justin and Julie. Leann ultimately tells Teri just to quit, laughing the entire time. Twila, though, knows that you always keep going, so when James gets back, they start their puzzle as well. It is too late to catch Ami and Crissy, however, and Ami -- who you'll remember uses the threat of the men going on an immunity tear as a club against the women in her alliance -- again wins immunity for herself. HATE. If someone can explain how it's better for the women in the alliance for Ami to go on an immunity streak than it is for Chris, I'd be obliged. Because...it's not. "We totally kicked some butt," Crissy says, and she and Ami agree that they just knew they would win, and HATE, HATE, HATE. Twila tells Jimmy to give her a hug before he gets smuggled away again. Everyone hugs. "I'm sorry I didn't win," Chris whispers to Laurie, clearly referring to the entire game and the million dollars. Jeff gives Ami the immunity necklace, and then the final goodbyes follow. "I'm sorry," Laurie says to Chris. "You're not going to go home, are you?" "Yeah, I'm going home tonight, babe," he says sadly. "You are?" she says. "Yeah," he repeats. The LOs are escorted away from the course, and they disappear. Jeff reminds them that there will be tribal council tonight, so they have the afternoon to get their heads out of their asses. I think that's probably not enough time.
The tribe returns to camp. Leann explains in an interview that because Ami won the immunity challenge, they were free to vote off Chris, as they planned. However, a feeling emerged that it was just...wrong for Chris to go home instead of Eliza. Remember -- this is in spite of the fact that Eliza has dutifully remained with the alliance just as she said she would, and has dutifully voted off the guys, just as she said she would, in spite of the fact that the women treated her like crap. Ami explains that they had a little talk about "who deserves to stay." Man, I have hoped all along that Ami's moralistic jaw-flapping would blow up in her face at some point, and I dearly hope that this is where that begins to happen. All the women other than Eliza have a talk, and they agree that they just don't like Eliza, so they're going to vote her off instead of Chris. Leann notes that while they've worked on the "principle" of women staying together, they've abandoned that "principle" when it was convenient, such as when they booted Lisa before Rory. Which makes it less a principle, of course, and more a convenient strategy of self-preservation, as all alliances are, whether these women want to admit it or not. Ami voices over that she, personally, wants Chris to go, but that if Leann doesn't feel "right" about that, then they'll just get rid of Eliza. Because it's not about strategy -- it's about feelings. All hail the sisterhood! Chai for everyone! The rest of the women all agree to boot Eliza. Ami interviews that she just hopes this decision won't backfire by allowing Chris to win immunity and interfere with the ultimate plan. Which is, you know, for her alliance of three to prevail over the other...four.
Volcano! Back at camp, as the allegorical ants scramble, Julie informs Chris that the decision has been made to keep him and send Eliza home. Julie asks him if he's surprised, and he says he's thrilled. He interviews that this is like "a tornado," where you don't do a damn thing, and you get thrown around anyway. As he points out, he did nothing in this instance to change his circumstances, and he's been saved. "There's six women living with me; they'll change it themselves," he says. And...he's right, although it's not because they're women. Any six players could have the same thing go on. No need to be all "Whoa, chicks is batty!" about it.
So Chris heads out to get some wood, and he meets up with Twila. And as they work, she tells him that he has the power to change the game. She looks at him, hard. "Think about it," she says. "For the last three days," she says, "you've held the key and you haven't realized it. By talking to one person." "Scout?" Chris asks. "No," Twila says impatiently. "I'm talking to you," he says. "No," she repeats, even more impatiently. A beat passes. This is like playing 20 Questions, only without the questions. You'd just have a guy going, "Is it...George Bush? No? Is it...Jimmie Walker? No? Is it...Mighty Mouse?" It could take a long time. "Eliza?" Chris finally says. Twila stops. She looks at him. "Think about it," she says.
A CLUE! A CLUE! SOMEBODY GOT A CLUE! THERE'S A CLUE SIGHTING! A CLUE! A CLUE!
"You are so right," Chris says, stunned. "Then me, you, Scout, and her...." Twila tells him firmly that if Chris gets Eliza, he'll have three people to back him and keep him in the game. In an interview, Twila expresses some guilt about having sworn on her son's name, but says that "it's time for something to change." She adds that she does not appreciate Ami and Leann's superior attitude, or the way they act like they have the game in hand. "It freaking pisses me off," Twila says. Yay, Twila! Back in her chat with Chris, Twila asks him to please not "cut [her] throat on this." She tells him again that they can change the entire game if he just does what she's asking. Her fear, of course, is that he'll go tattle, and do what he and Chad originally tried to do with Eliza, which is to get the women to turn on one of their own to delay the inevitable for three more days, which...well, you can see how well it worked last time. In an interview, Chris says with great excitement that "damn right" he was willing to follow this plan.
Now, we see the phase, which is Chris's conversation with Eliza. He tells her he's been informed that he's not going tonight -- she is. But he has an offer for her, and a way for her to stay in the game. Eliza tells Chris, once she's filled in, that her concern is not him -- her concern is Scout and Twila. He tells her not to worry, but she says that she thinks it's a big plot, and that she'll wind up being the one to go. Eliza's fears are understandable, but seem kind of vague -- how would this be a plot by Scout and Twila against her? I suppose she could be made to look disloyal by voting against Leann, but she has to know that she's going to need some immunity wins or a new plan in order to stay much longer, even if they vote out Chris. If she's kept around, it's going to be because people think she'll be easy to beat in an F2 situation, not because anybody likes her or is counting on her loyalty. Chris tells Eliza over and over that he's never lied to her, and that he's telling her the truth. She repeats her fear that Twila and Scout are lying to them both. "Just please take this risk," he says pleadingly. This is really...wow, kind of dramatic, for a season that has sucked so much ass up to this point. ["I also don't get what either of them has to lose by joining together to vote out someone in Ami's alliance, if their fear is that they're being set up. If that were true, then one of the two of them would go anyway, so who cares?" -- Wing Chun]
Tribal council. The tribe enters. Sarge and Chad enter, both looking fat and happy from a few days in jury-land. Jeff notes that the last few days have been very emotional, what with the LO visits and everything. Jeff asks Eliza whether the visit from her mother made her realize how close to the end they were, and she says yes. She says that the family visit is a marker of being late in the game, and that it's long been a goal for all of them to make it that far. Jeff asks Chris about being in a challenge where he felt that his butt was the one with the most to lose if he didn't get immunity. Chris says he knew Laurie gave all she possibly could to help him: "I love her to death; she did a great job with that." Jeff says that, at the other end of things, Leann didn't seem to take the challenge very seriously, but basically just screwed around with her friend. Leann says this is true, but argues first that she wasn't going to win anyway, and then that it wasn't "life or death" for her to get immunity. Because of her alliance! Everyone else is screwed! Screwed!
Jeff asks Eliza about the fact that she's brought her bag. Again. She says it's easy to call her paranoid, but that every damn time she gets back to camp, she finds out that she barely avoided being voted off. Which is basically true. "And I very well might be going home tonight, no joke," she says. Jeff laughs. "I don't think it is a joke," he tells her. Jeff asks Chris whether there's any tension in the tribe, and he gives a fairly Tim Allen-y answer about how there's always tension with six women, blah dee blah. I wish I could tell you I disagree with this, but honestly, I do believe that after this period of time, any group of six that had been, for the most part, together for most of a month would be experiencing some serious strain.
Ami shockingly chooses to keep her immunity, and then it's time for the vote. Leann votes. Julie votes for Eliza, explaining that there's "group consensus" about it. Mm-hmm. Wave at the clue that's flying by over your head, dear. Twila votes. Chris votes. Scout votes. Ami votes for Eliza, spelling it "Elyzah," because...yeah, I don't know why. Just to be important, I guess. Can't be regular! Can't be average! Gotta be special! A prop skull stares at us, like, "This is so suspenseful!" Eliza votes. Jeff goes for the urn.
When he returns, Jeff reads the first vote, which says, "Eliza." Eliza looks over at Ami, who gives her this sad, knowing nod, like, "Yes, little one, you are going home, it was nice knowing you." The vote is for Leann, who looks quite surprised in the back row to have received a vote. vote, "Elyzah." vote is for Eliza. And then there is a second vote for Leann, and that's the one that turns her head around. Because...oh, dear. Something is horribly wrong. Hee hee. Ami, too, has that "Oh, shit" expression. Jeff reads a third vote for Leann, as Julie turns disbelievingly to look at Leann. How can this be happening? And the last vote is for...Leann. Who, stunned, gets up and leaves. Eliza smiles, which she totally deserves to do, because...if there were a better way to say it than "fuck those snotty jerks," I'd try to find it, but "fuck those snotty jerks" it is. Chris grins. And over on the bench, you bet your ass Sarge and Chad are mightily amused, smirking and elbowing each other. Leann kisses Julie as Ami looks around, unable to believe that something has gone wrong in her universe of girl power, ruled by...well, her. Leann is snuffed, HA HA HA!, and she takes off without much of a friendly wave. Eliza looks back at Chris, who gives her a wink and a tiny nod. Love Chris. Jeff notes that upon the reading of the last vote, there were some very smug faces, and there were some very sad faces. Yeah, interesting, that. "This game has just been turned on its head," Jeff says, and for once, it's true. Chris looks over at Sarge and Chad one more time before taking off. I can only imagine how thrilled to death they were to see that happen. Probably even more thrilled than I was, which is hard to believe.
week: Boy, is Ami mad! And...some nice reward or other. I can't wait, because...ha ha ha! Boooooy, is Ami mad!