Previously on Meat Loafs: At Lopevi, John was so very tired from all the lying around that he could barely lie around anymore without getting winded. Over at Yasur, Rory appeared to be screwed, no matter how many times he tried to convince Ami that he would be her best friend. Yasur won a reward challenge and spent the week drinking coffee (from Folgers! Try the Home Café™! Before it's too late! All your French Vanilla are belong to us!), and the rush of chemical stimulant seemed to help Rory to act more friendly toward his tribe. The women, even hopped up on caffeine, were just as determined to get rid of Rory as they had been before. But at the immunity challenge, Rory saved his own salty bacon by kicking butt with a slingshot. Like in the Bible, but with a smarmy emcee announcing the whole thing. ("Goliath really takin' a beating!" -- Jeff 7:16) Suddenly, it was Lopevi that found itself heading for tribal council. It seemed like Julie and Twila would surely fight it out for First Lopevi Chick To Walk The Plank, but the other guys decided that the pretty, useless John should go instead, gambling that Julie and Twila would stick with Sarge, Chris, and Chad rather than heading back to the open arms of the women's alliance in the event of a merge. John tried to get up a coup against Chad, but nothing doing. So it was farewell to the last of the mo-hunk-ans. Now, there are ten left. Who will be the to go, undoubtedly none too soon?
Credits. You know, they can barely make these people look interesting, even when they prop up skulls behind them. Is there anyone in this group you can imagine adding to an All-Star season? "Welcome Richard Hatch, Rudy, Lex, Boston Rob, and...Sarge!" Just...no. Seriously. It's like watching a JV game. (Nothing against people who play JV.)
Volcano! At Lopevi on Night 18, the group is returning from tribal council, having unloaded John. As they sit around the fire in night vision, Chris asks if everyone trusts each other now. "We stay five, we're solid, we go to the end," he says, confident out of all proportion to the situation. Julie interviews that tribal council was "a wonderful thing," because she figured she would be the one packing her bags. As the team socializes by the fire, Sarge is sitting on a log, his legs apart. Julie comes over and sits down right between his legs, resting the back of her head on, basically, his crotch. He explains this in an interview, saying that she seemed to be trying to get warm. Not really sure I'd do that with a married guy without an invitation, but then, I'm not notorious for my naked sunbathing habits, either. Perhaps my reticence is the reason I'm single. Sarge describes himself as having been "like, 'Whoa.'" I'll bet. And I'll bet it was the Joey Lawrence kind of "whoa," too. Back at the Fireside Chat, Julie tells the guys that it's going to be satisfying to have the women see her and realize that she and Twila are with the guys now. Ah, there is no misdirection quite as effective as spite. Chad comments on this in his interview as well, saying that "Sarge was just kinda letting it happen." Yeah, no kidding. The moon rises, and in the craters, you can just make out the words, "Thou shalt not commit adultery!"
And then the sun rises, and it is the day, and the boys are still going on about Julie perching between Sarge's legs. "She's just wanting to solidify another three days," says a sanguine Chris as we cut to a lingering shot of Julie's three-day-solidifying legs. "Remember Ginger on Gilligan's Island?," Chad points out, as if once he makes that comparison, everyone will get it. And it's really so apt, because Ginger was always trying to avoid getting voted off, after all. Julie returns to the fire, and we watch as she sits with her foot resting on Sarge's knee. And if Julie ever had any warmth-related excuse for sitting between his knees by the fire, she certainly would have no similar explanation for this. This is just overt touchiness for touchiness's sake, and it's kind of skeevy, to me, with guys who are married. Especially when you know their wives are going to see it. A certain amount of flirting is harmless, but honestly, I'd have more respect for Sarge if he'd subtly moved his knee, stood up, or done something else to get her to knock that off. Anyway, Twila interviews that certainly Julie is using sex as a weapon. "Not much I can do about it; she's twenty-two years younger than I am," Twila chuckles. Sarge interviews that Julie is both "fine" and "hot," and...like I said, nobody goes blind when they get married, but that's probably about enough of that. He comments that he doesn't get that many opportunities to hang out with twenty-two-year-old models, a situation I'm sure his wife watching at home is now anxious to remedy.
And then...oh, and then. Sarge, Julie, and Twila are lying out in the sun, and Sarge comments that he'd take off his shorts if it wouldn't bother anyone. Me! It will bother me! I wonder how loudly I would have to shout in order to make an impression. Interestingly, I do believe Twila is entirely topless, though lying face-down. I'm not sure I would have pegged her as a topless sunbather. Now, what I don't get about this is that Sarge doesn't even have his shirt off, but he feels the need to rip the shorts off, which strikes me as conspicuously calculated. "Bare the ass," Julie encourages. Sarge tells us that Julie told him he looked good, and should "expose [his] body some more." And he believes her. It's like when hookers tell you they're the best they've ever had, basically. Before you know it, Sarge's shorts are down, and Julie and Twila are commenting on the whiteness of his ass. Sarge explains in an interview that Julie is "an exhibitionist," and that she's very comfortable with the naked thing. "And I told her I'm very comfortable with it," he says, "because I've been in Europe." HA! I don't know why, but I found that line completely hysterical. I'm totally using that the time I want to seem cool about anything that might otherwise seem odd. "I'm very comfortable with it," I will say as someone dips a chocolate cookie in his beer, "because I've been in Europe." Julie and Twila count to three before exposing their asses as well, so now all three of them are tanning their butts. Chris and Chad look over at this little group. "Sarge!" Chris hollers. "What...are...you...doin'?" Chad repeats, in a calmer and more exasperatedly mystified tone, "What are you doin'?" Chris, in an interview, recalls Sarge's ass hanging out, and calls this "an image that will never leave [his] memory." I always wondered what the psychiatrists who work for these shows are responsible for, and now I think I know. "Julie is a bad influence!" Chris hollers to Sarge in mock indignation. Julie claims in her interview that while she doesn't have any expectation that any of this will guarantee her safety, if the guys want to keep her around for "visual stimulation," that's fine with her. In fact, she tells us that she thinks that a premium on hotness would mean she has it in the bag, as we see a particularly cruel shot of her lying on the beach while plain old Twila tromps up the beach. That seems excessive, because I do, after all, get it.
A bat hangs upside-down. I think I'm over that visual metaphor, and I never even really figured it out. At Yasur on Day 19, Scout and Rory are working on making food for breakfast. Rory comments that, actually, if he and Scout were to stop working, the entire camp would grind to a halt. He claims that Leann, Ami, and Eliza have every reason to be "disgusted with themselves" for the way they loaf around. They probably aren't, of course, because people like that are rarely capable of embarrassment. Indeed, we watch Ami's Hypnotized Robot Princesses start to wake up, and Ami asks whether coffee is "ready to go." Jeez. As my father would say, Ami, let us all wait on you hand and foot. Leann isn't sure whether the coffee is ready or not (those lazy jerks who woke up before she did!), but she sure does find it uncomfortable sleeping in their shelter. Rory tells us that having Leann roll her ass out of bed, find coffee ready and plantains ready to eat, and then start griping about her discomfort rankled him. Man, no kidding. In fact, when Scout serves Leann some plantains, Leann gripes that Scout left too much water in the bowl, which...seriously, that is so bad. Food that is served to you by people who worked while you were snoozing is food about which you don't complain unless it comes to life and attacks you with a chainsaw. We watch as Leann aimlessly hacks a coconut while Rory tells us what a "worthless" group he's working with. "Stupid people irritate the living hell out of me," he says, speaking suddenly from inside my brain. He says that Eliza is just dumb, like a little kid. Somewhere, my nephews are like, "Um, HEY." Or they would be, if my sister let them watch anything like this. He explains that he's taught Eliza several times how to make a fire, and that she still is stymied by trying to boil a pot of water by herself. As for Ami, he notes that she's lying around on her ass enjoying being the Queen. And, sure, some of that is sour grapes because he knows he's on the down side of the power dynamic, but it's all pretty much true. And when he adds that he wants to "knock [Ami's] ass down a peg," he cements my (very) temporary liking of him. He wraps up by saying that he's "ready to get the hell outta Yasur." Oh, aren't we all. He adds that he wants to be around some men. "I'm tired of these women," he says. Uh...yeah, thanks. Just quit while you're ahead. Hate them individually, not collectively.
We fly to a typical challenge beach, where Jeff welcomes first Yasur, then Lopevi. Yasur sees that Lopevi voted off John, and Scout gives an ecstatic sigh. Jeff asks what that was about, and Scout says she's just so happy to see Twila, who she dreamed was voted off. "Twila ain't goin' nowhere," Sarge adds, all dark and we-own-her-now. Jeff divines that Sarge apparently took Scout's comment as a statement that Scout thinks Twila is in on a women's alliance of sorts, and Scout insists that she's "just happy to see [Twila]." Jeff can't even get himself interested in this brand of intrigue, so he moves on, telling the group that it's time to get down to the challenge, which is a relay-ish race in which they're going to get wet. I find myself hoping that it involves people having their heads held underwater, but nothing doing. The way this actually works is that you're transporting water along your line of tribe members, each of whom stands at a "station," with the first person down close to the water. That person scoops up a bucket of water, which is basically a coffee can. They then run up to a marked spot and toss the full can to the person at his or her station, obviously trying to do it without spilling any more water than necessary. That person tosses to another person, and then it goes to another person. The fourth person takes whatever water is left in the can and tosses the water -- just the water, not the can -- at the fifth person, who is standing there with an empty can and will try to catch as much as possible. Fifth person then takes that can over, climbs up a ladder, and empties it -- if there's anything it by then -- into a big bucket on a fire tower. When you fill the big bucket up with enough trips down the line, the bucket sinks, a flame rises, and you light the top of your tower. That challenge took way too long to explain. Does it make sense? Everybody's trying to figure out how you throw a full can of water to another person without losing all the water, and then the last person is trying to figure out how to throw water at someone so that they can catch it in a can.
And what are they playing for? Jeff first unveils chocolate chip cookies and milk, and then he adds a giant chocolate cake, which seems anticlimactic to me. Chocolate chip cookies are much better than cake. In fact, I've been known to argue that most fancy desserts are ridiculous overkill, as none of them are as good as a well-made chocolate chip cookie and a little Breyer's vanilla. But anyway. "Survivors ready, go!" Manning the stations down by the water are Eliza and Sarge, who run down and fill their buckets. The throw from Sarge to Twila works pretty well, but when Eliza throws the bucket to Leann, most of the water comes out. Essentially, both teams do a very bad job with this first trip, and Rory and Chris, at the end of the lines, wind up catching nothing by the time the water gets to them. Sarge and Eliza try again. Sarge starts barking orders, which causes Jeff to remark that "somebody's gonna be running laps," which I actually thought was rather witty, given that it's Jeff. On the third run for Lopevi, they finally get some water to Chris. We could go on like this all day, but the short version is that Yasur sucks at this challenge. They're constantly soaking each other, and they just have a much harder time getting the hang of tossing a full can of water in a way that will keep it mostly facing the same direction and thus not losing all the water. In addition, Ami really doesn't have a clue how to throw the water so that Rory can catch it in the can. (Not dirty!) Lopevi doesn't take long to catch up from the deficit they took on in the first couple of rounds, and before you know it, Chris is all excited, telling Chad, "Good one, dude, that was a good throw!" Rory, meanwhile, is seen emptying his shoes into the bucket. Not a good sign. As I said, Lopevi gets the hang of it in a way that Yasur never does, and sure enough, Lopevi takes the victory when it gets the bucket to drop and the flame to ignite. Yasur's winning streak is over, and Jeff sends them over like the losers they are. Lopevi, on the other hand, gets to pick up the cookies and milk and cake, and they go home. It looks like all five of them have to share a pitcher of milk, which sucks. Beer was unlimited; milk is rationed. What message are we sending about alcohol and calcium, Mr. Burnett?
The sun rises. There is a butterfly. There is another butterfly. But all the butterflies are doomed, because...Volcano! It appears that it is now the day, and they're all commenting on the substantial quantity of cake they have left. Sarge actually doesn't want to talk about it, because it seems that all the sweets yesterday did not agree with him. In fact, he tells us that his body wasn't ready for all the sugar, to the point where he wishes the entire reward had never even happened. I am grateful, in a limited sense, for the fact that he at least does not feel obligated to share any more than that about whatever is going on digestively. The rest of his team, undaunted, continues to work on the cake. They eventually wander back around to discussing the challenge, and Sarge remarks pointedly, "Scout was happy to see Twila." In an interview, Twila explains that she sort of wishes Scout would have kept her yap shut about the big love, because she's afraid that it's going to make the guys on her tribe assume that Twila is still with the women. Twila's been telling them she really has no allegiance to the Y-ettes, and she doesn't want the guys to get it in their heads that this isn't true.
Chad and Chris now have a private chat in which Chris notes that Julie is on their side for sure, and Chad adds that Twila is "too stubborn to go with those women." As Chad voices over, he and Chris then decided to make a pact for the final two. As they discuss their secret plan, we get a well-placed shot of Sarge, who is lying around, presumably sleeping off the chocolate. Heh. Chris and Chad agree that Sarge would be a very difficult person to face in F2. "I'm gonna be honest with you," Chris says seriously. "I think both of you've got a leg up on me." And then Chris's eyes flit, almost involuntarily, down to the WonderLeg 3000, and he gets this horrified expression. "Dude," he stammers, "I didn't mean to say that. Dude, I TOTALLY --" And then they both start chuckling, and Chad, who likes the word "dude" as much as anyone I've ever seen, says right back, "Dude, there's so many puns," and Chris throws his head back and then collapses on the ground laughing, saying, "Oh, my God, I didn't just say that." Hee. That was awesome and funny, and it made me like both of them. Because that would totally happen to me if I were Chris. I have, in fact, done things so much worse than that that I've almost managed to block them out, so I'm not even going to pull any of them out of storage for you. Chris interviews that he's covering all the bases as much as possible -- he has F2 agreements now with Sarge, with Chad, and with Julie. He says that in the event of a merge, any of those people could go, so he's trying to make sure he keeps an ally handy. I have to say, it's an impressive feat of ass-covering.
It is time for a new challenge, so the teams head for a grassy field and stand on their mats. Jeff goes to retrieve the immunity stick, and notes that it's been broken. Apparently, Rory went to put it in the ground with a little too much enthusiasm. As Jeff explains, though, they won't be needing it anymore anyway. "Drop your buffs," he says. He tells them that they're all one tribe now, and he hands out fresh orange buffs. There is much hugging, and it looks like Scout really did miss Twila. As Rory and Chris hug, Rory mutters to him, "Oh, man, I'm so happy to be out of there." Jeff tells the newly unified tribe that it has a decision to make, which is which beach to move to. Twila, who has lived at both, advocates for the guys' camp, which she says has a better location and a great fire going. Everyone agrees to move to Lopevi, including Ami, who is still wearing that stupid, lime green, grungy-looking skirt. I cannot imagine what she's thinking, because that would not be attractive in any setting, let alone with a bright orange buff wrapped around your torso. Jeff says that Yasur's personal stuff and the stuff they've won -- read, the coffee -- will be taken to the new camp at Lopevi. And when they get there, they'll figure out a tribe name. Which is great, because it's always one of the real opportunities for not only idiocy, but twee idiocy.
And now, for the challenge. Jeff displays the immunity necklace, as if its manufactured native beauty is going to make everyone work extra-hard. It's not every day you get to hold an artifact of such authenticity unless you work at, like, the gift shop at a natural history museum. Anyway, this challenge is surprisingly simple, which is much appreciated by those of us put in the position of trying to explain these things. You swim out to a tower, climb up, walk a balance beam to grab a flag, jump down into the water, swim back to shore, and drop the flag into a slot on a frame. There are three flags that you have to retrieve, so you just do the whole thing three times, and when you're done with all three flags, you're done. The race will be run in two heats of five, and the top two finishers from each heat will compete in the final round. Winner gets immunity. See how easy that was? That barely hurt a bit, and it looks like even Eliza understands it.
The first heat is Sarge, Chris, Julie, Eliza, and Leann. Sarge takes an early lead; Julie and Leann quickly fall behind. Surprisingly, Eliza stays with it. Sarge gets out ahead, and it's between Eliza and Chris for the last spot. Surpassing expectations -- mine, anyway -- Eliza snags herself the second spot in the finals. The heat involves Rory, Chad, Twila, Scout, and Ami. Scout, for what it's worth, looks at the beginning of this like she can barely walk. I'm not sure whether her knee has gotten worse or what, but I doubt she'd have come out here in quite that condition. Rory works himself into a lead, and Ami is a bit behind him. Very little changes over the course of the race, and indeed, those are the two who advance. So the final round includes Rory, Ami, Sarge, and Eliza. Sarge takes an early lead, and it's just not very close after about the first ten seconds. I'm torn about this challenge, because on one hand, I like these simpler ones, but on the other hand, it tends to kill the suspense, because lead changes aren't very likely when you're just doing the same thing all the way through. When the race is over, Jeff gives Sarge the immunity necklace, tells the team they'll have to figure out who's going home, and sends them back to camp. And for those of you who believe Ami's breasts to be real, I would ask you to look at where her nipples appear to be in the shot where she's walking away from the challenge. I would argue that her nipples are up way too high to be there naturally, although I will freely admit that (1) it's none of my business; and (2) I am not an expert in identifying fake boobs.
Wait, isn't this pirate music taking us back to camp after the challenge? Because if Rupert shows up, I'm going to sue someone for intentional infliction of emotional distress, and I'm not kidding. The newly merged tribe comes back to camp with a surprisingly upbeat attitude, as Scout continues to have her arm all around Twila and such. Chris tells us that this day is the first time he's decided to put the game aside for a while and have some fun. In other news of fun-having, Scout is still ecstatically sighing, at least metaphorically: "I just missed Twila deep down in places I can't talk about," she says, trying her hardest to provide double-entendre recapping material. But honestly, it's like it's too easy. Twila doesn't say whether she missed Scout in the Places That Dare Not Speak Their Names, but Scout insists that "reunions are always a happy moment." She's apparently never had to recap one.
Eliza explains in a voice-over that the new tribe returned to camp to find the traditional merge feast waiting, including what's left of yesterday's cake. Heh, Sarge's stomach will be so pleased. Oh, and, happily, they have plenty of wine. Because when you're desperate and your contestants are boring, you might as well turn to boozing. The tribe drinks a toast, and then a poached Sarge interviews that the place is "off the chain" at this point. Off the chain? Is Sarge mixing up parts of the trailer hitch and substituting "chain" for "hook," or is that a thing? Because it would really make me sad if Sarge were more current than I am. ["Sorry, dude; it is a real expression. But I only know that from editing Real World recaps." -- Wing Chun] He slurs that "everybody's just so happy." And, of course, drunk. He is also extraordinarily happy about the coffee, and soon helps himself to some. Chad cautions him about the caffeine buzz he's about to bring about, but Sarge just fills his cup. As Rory and Sarge stand around talking, Rory interviews that he's just so darn happy to be back with the guys he didn't get along with, because he didn't get along with the women even more, basically. He tells us that he never expected to make it out of Yasur. He tells Sarge, too, that he's tired of "female conversations," whatever that means. Those are all about tampon commercials, probably. He then tells Sarge that Ami is a bad seed. Sarge does not seem entirely surprised. Chris, meanwhile, is talking up Chad to Ami, telling her what a great guy Chad is. And, probably, how nice he is if you screw up and say something about the leg.
Rory tells Sarge the story of Bubba's being caught by Ami trying to communicate with Lopevi, although he probably leaves out the part where her reaction was totally irrational. Sarge repeaterviews this story, and says that Bubba apparently "got crushed like a doggone bug." Rory tells Sarge that he wants Ami to be the one out. When everyone else scatters, Rory gets together with Chad and tells him how open Ami was in telling Rory he was the one to go. Chad says that they knew Ami was on "the female kick." Chad expresses some surprise, I guess, about Ami "calling the shots," and calls out her "you're going ; we women are a group" thing as "condescending." Chad assures Rory, with a blazing certainty he's going to feel real silly about very soon, that Lopevi is "family." "We are so solid!" he whisper-barks as Sarge joins the conversation. In a move almost as elegant as "leg up" earlier, Chad says that he was thinking that with the Lopevi group in place, he figured that maybe they could get "the minority" from Yasur to come over. He doesn't mean it that way, though. Rory volunteers to be the minority, and Sarge attempts to mend fences by apologizing for saying that Rory wasn't a team player. After all, if you're going to be on the guy's team, you'll have to make some kind of a move. Chad says that all of their past problems with Rory are "water under the bridge." You know, now that they're dead meat if they don't get him on their side.
Rory interviews that he was extremely relieved to be asked to return to the original alliance he was in before. He refers to himself as "the cat who swallowed the canary right now." Oy. This is too depressing. Bring on the sunset!
In night vision, we watch the group socialize, as Rory voices over that he's been assured that Julie and Twila are with Team Sarge, but that he knows that he, individually, doesn't have any relationship with those two. He's therefore not situated as well as he wishes he were, but he's not that worried at the moment, because the situation has shifted, and he's much happier. "So happy right now," in fact. It's like they're really trying to make me feel as sorry for him as possible. And it's not working all that well.
The sun sets. The sun rises. Time flies when you're unspeakably boring. The morning, the tribe is hanging around on the beach painting its flag, which I will admit looks pretty darn good, compared to past efforts that looked like they were rescued from the trash can after a kindergarten art class. It turns out that the new name of the tribe is "Alinta," which Scout explains is an aboriginal word that means "the people of the fire," basically. So it's...irony? Because I'm thinking it doesn't mean "the people who can be people of the fire, provided they are given matches." When the flag goes up, it has a sun over a Volcano!, water, trees...a nice job on the flag. Somebody got an A in Art. In other news, the tribe is experimenting with body paint and grooming each other, and Eliza is apparently plucking Julie's eyebrows with her bare hands. Which...ow. Seriously, plucking your eyebrows hurts enough when you have tweezers. Like that? Forget it. Eliza interviews that she and Julie got very close in the first twelve days, and that it's just great to be reunited. She doesn't say anything about missing her in secret places, but once you're plucking errant hairs, you're getting fairly intimate already.
Ami paints on Julie's stomach. Sarge looks on unhappily. He tells us that there's still a sense that a gender war dynamic could break out at any time. "It might be a scrap out on the playground between the males and the females." And the thing is that if that happens, since this is a numbers game, it won't be much of a scrap, since the women already outnumber the men 6-4. I mean...not to nitpick, but really. Ami cracks coconuts on the end of a stick in a way that I think is supposed to have some vaguely testicle-phobic metaphorical implications.
Volcano! Sarge has made some dinner for everyone, for which Scout thanks him. Scout interviews that the guys seem to be "a little uneasy" about the dynamic in the camp. And, really, who can blame them? Off in the woods somewhere, Chad runs into Twila and Julie, who tell him that they're considering getting rid of Rory. Now, to me, this is a very understandable way for Twila and Julie to delay their decision for another three days. They get rid of Rory, and they've neither gone against the women nor gone against Lopevi. They probably just want to play it cool until they can see a little bit better how things are going to shake out. And I think Chad knows that, too, and that he's just not happy about it at all. He asks them whether they're still staying with Lopevi, and Twila and Julie say they are, but that they want to take out Rory first and Ami second. Chad looks miserable. Twila argues that Rory is stronger than Ami physically, and therefore, it's better to get rid of him while they have the chance. And that, weirdly, I do kind of agree with, because Rory has really surged in some of the challenges, while Ami does fine but seems less likely to win a challenge than Rory does, so Rory is closer to the "get rid of him while you know you have the opportunity" thing. Chad lectures Twila that she needs to stop thinking about immunity challenges and realize it's just math, and...as much as I like him, he's wrong. It's individual immunity now, "dude," and you need to take out the better immunity players when you have a shot. That's the lesson of Colby, Boston Rob...it's just a lesson you really can't learn soon enough. Nevertheless, Chad patronizes Twila by telling her that she needs to "get over that whole thing." Twila, more aware of the dynamic -- and Chad's position -- than Chad is, chuckles with irritation and says, "Not really." Heh.
Of course, what's funny about that conversation is that they're both doing basically the same thing. Theoretically, according to the Lopevi plan, voting off Rory is okay, because while they may be adopting him for now, the idea ultimately is to get down to the Lopevi five, right? Right. And also, obviously, according to the Lopevi plan, voting off Ami is okay. But the safer play for Chad is Ami, and the safer play for Twila is Rory, in both cases because taking out Rory leaves Twila and Julie the continuing option of either staying with Lopevi or going back to the women. Chad doesn't want Twila to have two options while he only has one; he wants to make her commit, and she can't avoid the fact that not wanting to commit makes it obvious that her position, allied with Team Sarge, is not cast in stone. Chad really would have nothing to lose by letting Twila have the Rory boot, though, because really, either Twila and Julie are going to go with Team Ami or they're going to go with Team Sarge, and Chad simply has no power to force the issue, so he's probably unwise to try. Ultimately, in spite of having originally been put in a bad position as the Lopevi interlopers, Julie and Twila are now powerful enough to leave themselves two options if they choose. I am so thinking too hard.
Around the fire, Eliza asks Ami whom she wants to get rid of. Ami doesn't care, as long as it's one of the guys. "I think that's the best thing to do," she says dismissively. Eliza says that a men-women battle does seem to be forming, which makes sense for the women, given their 6-4 majority. Ami interviews that this is a "very critical point," blah dee blah. What's interesting is that Ami screwed this up, in my opinion, because she should realize that Rory is sort of a floater, and she, too, should be thinking in terms of making Julie and Twila commit by taking out a core member of Team Sarge, like Chris or Chad, instead of treating the guys like they're all the same. If she said she wanted Chad out, that would have forced Twila and Julie to commit as well. Of course, Ami would then face the same risk Chad did -- that by forcing their hands, she would screw herself, so perhaps going with the peaceful, more noncommittal boot is the thing to do.
Chris catches up with Twila to ask about voting off Rory. Chris tells her that this option doesn't make sense to him, because Rory is a guaranteed ally who will give them a majority. Chris's theory would be, I think, that voting off Ami would give them a 6-3 majority, but voting off Rory only leaves Lopevi at 5-4. Which, I think, is true as far as it goes. Chris interviews that Twila is "scared," and that you have to do all her strategizing for her. If Chris really can't see that this isn't confusion but an attempt on Twila's part to leave her options open, then he isn't nearly as smart as he believes himself to be. Of course, on this show, that would hardly be news. A spider climbs across a web. GET IT?
And now, we have more body painting, as Sarge complains that "Ami has control of all the women." He claims that Ami "gets them in her aura and pulls them in." He claims that the women all do Ami's bidding while she sits back pretending to be nice. I think that's right, except that I don't think she's trying to be nice anymore, nor do I think she even believes she's fooling anyone. "It's dangerous, it's real dangerous," Sarge says as Julie paints Ami's belly button. Sarge talks to Twila and says that he wants Ami out, because he wants her away from Julie. He claims that Julie is being taken in by Ami, and what's really interesting about this is that they haven't talked about Ami's being a lesbian at all so far, but it's pretty well-known thing if you've read contestant bios. And there is no way that even a very obtuse person would miss the fact that what Sarge is talking about -- and, in fact, what's going on, to some degree, with the body painting -- is that Sarge believes the rest of the girls have a little bit of a crush on Ami, and they're all having a very touchy-touchy, girls-painting-each-other thing that's pretty obviously a semi-sexual flirtation. I don't even know whether Sarge knows that's what he means when he talks about Ami's "aura." Anyway, he tells Twila about how they need to get Julie away from Ami before Ami's top-of-the-head kisses and all the lounging under Ami's arm begins to cloud Julie's judgment. Sarge tells Twila that he doesn't want Ami to turn her attentions to Twila. "And she says, 'Come on, Twila, let's go lay down,'" Sarge says with a grin, and Twila chuckles. "Each to their own, but no thank you!" Twila says with irritating nervousness, so I guess they do catch the snap on the sex part of the "aura." It's an interesting moment, a usually chicken network going mainstream with the girl-on-girl version of the hot person who can put everyone else under her spell.
Sarge says that he feels confident in the way Twila and Julie talk, even though they seemed a little shaky. "We have a pact, and we are sticking to the pact," Sarge says. Twila, meanwhile, tells Chris to just tell her what the team decides, including whether they decide to vote off Ami. Chris, too, says he feels good about Julie and Twila, and that they'll just be picking off the Yasur girls. Ami snots in an interview that she doesn't believe Twila and Julie ever left the women's team -- she thinks they did whatever was necessary to make it to the merge, but she thinks they're still part of the team. Blah dee blah.
Twila and Julie talk, and Julie winds up asking, "What do we do?" "Well, play the game," Twila says. Twila interviews that Team Sarge believes that Twila and Julie are with them, and Team Ami assumes that they're with them. "After tonight, somebody's gonna be pissed," Twila says. She says she cares about everyone, but that she's "cutting their throat before they cut [hers]." And isn't that what caring is all about, really? Yes, I thought you'd agree.
The sun sets, trying wildly to get out of the way before anything bad happens. The team heads for tribal council. Scout is wearing her hair down all of a sudden, which...is her right, obviously, but looks weird to me. When they're all seated, Jeff asks the new tribe name. Told it's Alinta, he asks where that came from, and Sarge says it came from Scout: "We figured it's appropriate...islands of fire...firemaker...." And Scout apparently didn't know the aboriginal word for "actress/bartender." Jeff asks Julie what they did all day, and she says that people did various chores, and then they set in with the body paint. Asked who has the best body painting, everyone agrees that it's Julie. Because she has a pink heart painted over her boob that reads "Jeff." Hee. It is a little funny, although mostly because it's so damn stupid. Probst looks a little blushy, and says that there's no point in flirting with him, since he has no vote. Heh.
Jeff asks Leann whether she would have rather stayed with her Yasur tribe, rather than merging. She says no; she thinks the merge is a marker that you've made it fairly far in the game. Yeah, almost halfway! You can smell the million, can't you? Jeff says that Rory must feel like he has a second chance. "I know for a fact that I've been given a second chance," he says confidently. Because, as he explains, nobody would have bet on him even to make it out of Yasur. Ami is asked whether she expected to make it this far, and if you didn't know she was going to say yes, like it's a dumb question, you haven't been paying attention. Jeff asks her why, and asks what skills she brings to the game. She snorts like this is the dumbest question of all time, and all she can talk about is her amazing "good attitude." Rory makes a face. Chad makes a face. Rory makes another face. Yeah, Ami obviously uses the phrase "good attitude" quite differently than I do.
Jeff asks about the vote tonight. He asks specifically about lack of trust, and asks Twila whether she feels stuck in the middle of the shifting power stuff that's going on. She says she does, because she's enjoyed being with both tribes. She admits that she did get along better with the guys, overall. Jeff offers Sarge the opportunity to share the immunity necklace, but he says no. They should really stop offering that option, because nobody does it.
All right, voting time. Chris votes. Leann votes for Rory. "You're just the unfortunate victim of the master plan," she says. Man, I'll bet actual master plans everywhere are totally offended at being compared to the work of these simpletons. Scout votes. Chad votes. Eliza votes. Ami votes with a smirk, of course. Sarge votes. Rory votes for Ami. "This is the first time that I've made a completely personal vote," he says. "Your treatment of me over the last nine days has been horrible, I have little or no respect for you, and I really hope that, like a rash, you're finally gone." Well, then. Not so much with the warm team feelings there. Even after all that Folgers coffee. How is that possible? I'm not sure Folgers promotes emotional healing after all. Julie votes. Twila votes.
Jeff goes for the urn. Of course, Lopevi is expecting 6-4 for Ami, and Yasur is expecting 6-4 for Rory. Just because we haven't tortured Rory quite enough yet, Jeff starts by rattling off FOUR Ami votes. Followed by six Rory votes. You know, that's just not necessary. I hate it when they do that, because it doesn't have any purpose except to torture the person being voted on. We all know who the two possibilities are, and we all know Rory's getting some votes. It doesn't create suspense for us to do it that way; it just seems sadistic, kind of. Anyway, Chad knows when they hit the fifth Rory vote that they're in trouble, because obviously, the Twila/Julie block has failed him. Anyway, Rory shakes his head, gets up, and goes over to be snuffed. Eliza grins self-satisfiedly in a way that is very, very unfortunate. You've got to keep that look off your face, sister, because you look even more lemur-y than usual, and you also look like an enormously nasty bitch. Chad makes a dramatic "Oh, shit" face. SNUFF! Rory leaves.
What's interesting about this is that this isn't over for Lopevi, it seems to me, if they don't fuck it up. I realize the three guys appear to be screwed, but let's say Sarge, Chad, and Chris went to Twila and Scout and said, "You know damn well those Bowheads will stick together and boot the two of you. Come with us and boot them first." Because Twila hasn't even fully turned on Lopevi yet, because Rory wasn't part of that group. The guys might be able to get her back if they could offer her an opportunity to go to the final five with the five people she likes best in the game. I admit that the guys will probably go one-two-three over the three weeks, but Twila and Julie haven't even completely committed yet, and I definitely think Twila is conflicted. We'll see what happens. If Ami wins, I'm going to cry.
In his exit interview, Rory calls himself "the victim of a gender war," and talks about how much he enjoyed being at Vanuatu. Except for being the victim of the war, presumably.
week: Sarge gives in to the hate. Leann is "pro-love." The team gets a pig: Sarge wants to eat it, and Eliza wants to keep it as a pet. Oh, Eliza.