With a little bedding on the line, the women win a reward challenge that plays to their strengths: balance, cooperation, and, most importantly, lack of mortal terror about touching each other. The women's generational divide grows deeper, as does the gulf between Rory and everybody else in Lopevi. Rory's safe for now because Scout blows the immunity challenge, a puzzle race in which the blindfolded Yasur women might actually have been better off without her sighted "guidance." But Scout's safe too, because the older women are dead set on picking off a younger "Bowhead." It looks like Dolly's going to be the swing vote between Leann and Eliza, but Eliza reads the writing on the trees and, in a cannier move than I would have given her credit for, jumps alliances by giving up the sheep farmer as a sacrificial lamb. And the Tribal Council sends Dolly back to her flock. Burly Girls: 1. Bowheads: 0.
Previously on Survivor: the entire season to date. I'm thinking most of these episodes would be more exciting condensed into this two-minute format. Between that and Miss Alli's excellent-as-always recap, I certainly don't feel like I've missed much.
Credits. So many competitors, so few volcanoes.
It's Day 4. Volcanic smoke photogenically obscures the sun as the men of the Lopevi tribe stand around staring at their fire pit, attempting to achieve combustion with their minds. Surprisingly, they are unsuccessful. Travis, a.k.a. Bubba, interviews that it was "freezing cold," and that he slept like a baby: "I woke up every three or four minutes and cried." At least he acknowledges that it's an old joke, which is more than I ever do. He goes on to say that they not only need the fire for heat; they need something to cook with. A woman? See, now that's an old joke. Sarge digs a worm out of a big nut and splits it with Chad, who is none too thrilled at the prospect, much less the creepy pizzicato violin bug-eating music playing in the background. Chris explains to us that they need something to boost morale. As if on cue, we see the men gathered around the fire pit, ready to make another assault on the forbidding edifice that is fire by friction. Travis and John P. manage to get a tiny mass of fibers smoldering. Things are looking pretty hopeful, as Sarge comes over to intone eerily, "Pay tribute...pay tribute...respect the island...respect the island...respect the island...it puts the fire into the basket...." except that last part. Chris blows gently onto the ember, trying to get it to catch. Which is when it starts raining. No fire for you! Travis interviews that if they don't get fire (and therefore water) soon, they're in for a tail-kicking.
Over at Yasur, the creepy diurnal bats crawl through the trees, secure in the knowledge that they're a good three days away from becoming a major food source. Twila and Mia hoist Lisa onto their shoulders up against a tree so that she can try to hack loose a bunch of plantains with her machete. Dolly fills the vital role of spotter. "Please don't drop the machete, dude," Mia begs when Lisa's grip almost falters. Man, how selfish do you have to be not to want a fourteen-inch blade embedded in your skull, anyway? Lisa finally manages to pull the plantains loose, and Dolly herds them off the jungle floor.
They head back to camp, satisfied that they've probably scored almost half as many calories as they just burned. Mia interviews that it's "about a thousand times harder than I thought this was gonna be" as their fire flares up satisfyingly. But then the rain hits their camp too, and steam billows up as Eliza complains about the uncomfortable beach and the uncomfortable water. I don't know. She compares it to prison, presumably because prisoners the world over must subsist on green plantains that taste like "burned mush." And also, prisoners live outside and get to go home whenever they want and vote each other out one by one and the person who stays in the longest gets a million dollars. So, yeah, it's just like prison. That Eliza's a smart one.
Cut to the steaming pot of plantain-and-coconut stir-fry, which nobody appears to enjoy very much. Especially when they discover that it's riddled with maggots. Okay, ew. Twila argues, "They can't be maggots, 'cause it's been boiled." She doesn't seem to be entirely clear on what boiling is able to accomplish. It may kill the maggots, but not physically remove them, as I have learned from bitter, bitter experience. Twila makes the leap directly from denial to acceptance and beyond, loudly celebrating their unexpected protein windfall. I will now attempt to transcribe her exact remarks as she chows down: "Yeah, eat 'em up, mmm, gosh, give it to me, mmm, ah-haaAUUGHH!" Dolly, however, gets quietly and unostentatiously weepy. She interviews that this latest setback is causing everything to sink in. "But I'm having fun, I'm not complaining at all," she clarifies tearily from under her "Life is Good" hat. "I'm so happy to be here. I'm just hungry and tired." Later, she gets comforting hugs from Ami and even Twila, the latter of whom tells us that she doesn't think the younger women were prepared: "If it comes down to eatin' maggots, I'm gonna eat maggots. To me, they were cooked. They're good. Protein. Eat' em. Shut up." Which Twila really didn't, but I'll allow it, because again, "Mmm, ah-haaAUUGHH!" Twila continues, "If they want to be pampered, they need to go back to the Holiday Inn." Ah, yes, the Holiday Inn. The height of pampered living.
At Lopevi, Travis and John P. take a walk in the woods. John P. asks whether his name came up before the last Tribal Council. Travis, after disingenuously asking, "This last one?" (no, Travis, the third one in the Outback), admits that it did. JP interviews that it's looking like himself, John K., and Agent Brady against the older crowd of Sarge, Chad, Rory, Travis, and Chris. Five against three, for those of you keeping score at home. "Those aren't good odds," JP tells us. Well, for the majority it is. Travis comes right out and tells JP that he's too big a threat. "It's your personality...your great looks...that's a threat." Damn, that didn't go where I thought it was going. Travis tells JP that he's going to base his decisions on his four children and wife back home. "So if I had kids," JP says, getting worked up right past Travis's point, "would that alter your decision? Is that what you're telling me?" JP, Travis isn't playing for all kids. He's playing for his kids. That's an important distinction. Now, maybe if you had Travis's kids, this would be a different conversation. And let me just say that if the producers want to up the stakes season, that's something that bears thinking about. JP's all offended, because he thinks everyone should be helping him win or something, and Travis spells it out: "There were seventeen threats when we started this game...only one person wins." JP looks like that never occurred to him before.
Sadly, before JP's head explodes, we cut to the reward challenge beach. A couple of long balance beams are set up above the water, just a few yards offshore. Jeff welcomes the Yasur tribe, noting helpfully that they're "nine strong." He points out the newly shrunken Lopevi tribe, and when the women ask who's gone, Jeff answers for the men that Brook was voted out at the first Tribal Council. The women ponder the significance of this, thinking, "Who's Brook?"
Both tribes line up in formation so that Jeff can explain the challenge. Each tribe member will have a number from one to eight painted on his or her arm, and then they'll line up on one of the balance beams in numerical order with his or her tribemates. Then number eight has to squeeze past each tribe member, one at a time, until he or she reaches the finish platform at the far end. Then number seven has to do the same, and so forth. Anyone who falls off into the water, or touches more than one teammate at a time, has to go back to the beginning and start over. The first tribe to get all eight on the finish platform wins. It looks fairly tricky, because that beam appears to be maybe twelve inches wide. And I can tell you that it is in fact tricky, because the challenge we're seeing tonight on this groundbreaking, culturally relevant reality show is nearly identical to one that I did as a team-building exercise with my co-workers back in 1994. Except we used a railroad tie in my boss's back yard and there were a lot fewer volcanoes around. Jeff unveils the reward and the women kvell; the winning tribe gets one hammock, two pillows, and three heavy blankets. And if Lopevi wins, they also get flint. Which seems to excite them a lot more than does the prospect of sharing one hammock. Scout sits out the challenge for Yasur. The tribes take position, and Jeff gives the order to begin.
On the Yasur beam, #8 Eliza and #7 Julie immediately grab onto each other to try and swap positions. It seems like the only way to do it, because it's not like there's room to step around each other. #8 Agent Brady and #7 John K. do the same, the latter looking distinctly uncomfortable. And then falling off. They have to start over. Eliza runs into trouble getting past #6 Lisa. As she loses her balance, she grabs for #5 Twila's hand, which is against the rules and doesn't help her anyway, because she falls in as well. Agent Brady's now full-contact-slithering past #6 John P., whose expression tells us that he's wondering how the hell he ended up on Oz. Eliza succeeds in passing Lisa, as Agent Brady's pec-cradling embrace with a tottering #5 Chad leaves the latter in a cold sweat, having just begun a waking nightmare behind his eyes from which he may never awaken. Eliza is past #2 Dolly. Agent Brady swaps with #4 Sarge, but Eliza's already moved past #1 Mia and is on the finish platform. Julie, Yasur's #7, gets started while Agent Brady is still passing Travis. I'd just like to say that if there isn't a character on Days of Our Lives named Agent Brady, why the hell isn't there? "Not sure Bubba likes this," Jeff comments, while Bubba makes a mental note to tell everyone later that he's never even seen Deliverance. Julie falls on her first attempt to pass Lisa, just as Agent Brady passes #1 Chris and steps onto the finish platform. We see Julie already past #3 Leann while #7 John K. and #6 John P., in Jeff's words, "hold that hug just a little too long." But not long enough for some viewers, I suspect. Not to worry; that's why God invented the pause button. Julie's all done by the time John K. gets to Sarge. Agent Brady coaches them from the finish platform: "You gotta trust each other. If you lean back, he'll hold you." And indeed, John K. does, but Travis dumps him in the drink. A little too much trust on one side and not enough holding on the other. Isn't that just always the way?
Twila joins Eliza, Julie, and Lisa on Yasur's finish platform while Agent Brady stands alone on Lopevi's platform, looking increasingly pissy. John K. and Chad both go in the water, and I'm sorry, but it's over now. It's not just four people to one; Lopevi has twenty-one swaps left to complete, while Yasur has six. While getting back into position on the beam, Chad faceplants and almost falls clear off again, but catches the beam with his hands. Must be tricky to walk on a slippery balance beam with an artificial leg in a wet shoe. Remind me never to try that. Jeff winces, but Chad pulls himself back up. Inspirationally, of course. #4 Ami is almost to the end, but Jeff sends her back to the start when she touches Dolly and Mia at the same time. It looks like she's going to try to go back the way she came, until everyone tells her just to jump off and swim back to the beginning. John K. manages to get past Chad this time, and Eliza hocks a ladylike loogie into the ocean just as Ami's climbing out to start over. Travis drops John K again as Ami reaches the finish. "Five women! One man!" Jeff announces. "One foregone conclusion!" I add. Leann's past Dolly, the Johns are back in their clinch, and then Dolly's past Mia, who's now by herself on the beam. Mia does a little dance onto the platform and celebrates with her victorious team while the seven guys scowl unhappily on the beam where they've been stranded. Jeff sends Yasur back to camp with their new bedding, and Lopevi heads back empty-handed, their hoped-for flint still stowed safely in Jeff's pocket. Looks like that morale boost Chris called for is on back-order.
Your favorite brand of potato chip that comes in a tennis-ball can brings you this "Moment in Survivor history:" Rob and Amber! I thought, you know, two human beings are not really a "moment," but then I realized that actually, those two probably are. Carry on, tennis-ball-can potato chips.
The members of the Lopevi tribe get back to camp as someone asks them to imagine Sarge getting past Travis on that narrow little beam. Which is kind of an entertaining image. When I did this with my team, we discovered that each move was easier when the smaller person squatted way down so the larger person could step over them. Believe it or not, it actually worked and nobody got sued for sexual harassment. Which is not at all certain in this case. Anyway, Rory's pissed off about "Twila's" little victory dance. Someone points out that that wasn't Twila. "Well, whatever her name was," Rory says. "It was a game. We lost," Sarge points out, but Rory bitches about Yasur: "Just show some class." Like getting people's names wrong. See, that's classy. Sarge points out that Lopevi probably would have done the same thing had they won, but Rory disagrees, angrily and forcefully. Rory must not watch much NFL football. He demands of Sarge, "Would you have taken it if it was a man? No!" Sarge points out that he's simply humble in defeat, but Rory insists that the women should have "showed some class." Like he's doing right now. Sarge shrugs and says, "Okay," because there's really not anything to be gained from trying to win the argument, and it's not like giving in is going to put him in the position of having to do anything about it. JP looks unhappy; Mom and Dad are fighting. Rory storms off and stands on the shore by himself all Ahab while Sarge complains about his behavior. Most people seem to be in agreement with Sarge. As am I.
The sun goes down, the volcano apparently erupts all night, and the sun comes up on Yasur's Day 5. Everyone appears to be in a good mood because it's looking like a nice day and they slept relatively well on their new bedding the night. We don't hear how they worked out the logistics. Leann interviews that the guys are probably having a much rougher time of it, what with having no fire or blankets. That's probably true, and I'm pretty sure that the members of Lopevi aren't doing each other's hair the way Yasur is.
While gathered around the campfire, the women spot a chicken wandering by. It appears to be a wild hen of some sort. Which I didn't know existed, particularly on South Pacific islands, but there you go. A machete-wielding Lisa leads a small party into the woods after it. They hang back, moving slowly so as not to spook the bird. Until Dolly pegs a stone at it and it flies off a short distance, cawing angrily. I thought farm girls were supposed to be deadly with thrown rocks. Twila gets into the act, and eventually they corner the chicken under a mass of roots and branches. Lisa says, "Oh, my God, he's laying an egg." There's something about that statement that's not...quite.... "She," someone corrects. Ah, that's it. Twila has the machete now, and after everyone agrees on what they should do, she positions herself above the chicken and readies the blade. She apologizes to the bird before she strikes. But she misses and the chicken escapes, right through a circle of women who are telling each other "grab 'im! Grab 'im!" Ain't no "him" here, ladies. And, by the way, you might be better off having a live chicken that lays eggs rather than a dead one. Twila retrieves the eggs, announcing, "We almost got us a chicken, y'all! I got five eggs." And who knows how many more you could have had if you hadn't interrupted it? Well, actually Dolly might know.
Celebratory harmonica music accompanies a shot of the new eggs being dropped into the pot of steaming water over the fire. The women wax rhapsodic about their blessing, until the haphazard arrangement of logs holding the pot above the fire slips, and the pot tips and pours water onto the coals. Oops. And also, hee. Everyone flees from the billowing steam, except for Scout, who steps forward and grabs a pair of rocks to use as potholders. The fire hasn't been entirely doused, which I find disappointing.
In an interview, Ami busts out some Women's Studies talk about the co-operative nature of women, which she then undercuts twice. First, by admitting that they haven't actually had to vote anyone off yet, and second, by saying that she's noticed two groups forming within the tribe: the "younger generation" and the "older generation." She remarks that the age difference has really separated everyone, over footage of Twila and Scout working, Mia and Julie resting, and Leann shouldering an eight-foot log while younger women walk right past her. Yeah, I think it's the age thing. For those of you not paying attention, Ami casts Mia, Julie, Dolly, Eliza, and forty-four-year-old Lisa as the younger group, while Scout, Twila, and thirty-five-year old Leann are in the older group. ["Be fair. Lisa's boobs definitely belong in the younger group." -- Wing Chun] We see Leann telling Scout, "Every time I think thirty-five, I think...half of seventy, that's almost seventy." Fifty-nine-year-old Scout manages not to brain Leann with her walker. Ami herself (thirty-one, for the record) says she tends to gravitate towards the older group since they're more inclined to work, but that it's a game, and it's a bad idea to trust anyone. Not that that precludes Girl Power, blah blah blah, of course.
Speaking of which, Twila and Dolly are discussing strategy. Twila is talking about what happens when it comes down to five women. "And the girls go," Dolly agrees, which is like one of her charges at home suggesting to her, "Try the mutton." Dolly interviews that Twila wants to feel like part of a majority, since the younger members had agreed to vote her out if they'd gone to Tribal Council first. But now, Dolly observes, it has become generally realized that Eliza is the most expendable person. The closed captioning quotes her as saying something about Ted Williams, but the closed captioning also says "YACHLT," so I don't know how credible it is. Twila, meanwhile, interviews that she, Ami, Scout, and Leann all plan to vote for Eliza, and that if they can get Dolly on their side, it's a done deal. Twila and Dolly not only agree to ally, they pinky-swear on it. Pinky-swear, people.
Commercials. And volcano! Bat! Skull on a stick! Hey, what the hell went down during that break, anyway? Sadly, nothing, because everyone at Lopevi appears to have the same head on his shoulders with which he arrived. Rory and Chad retrieve the tree mail, and the Survivor poet laureates have really outdone themselves today. It's the traditional poorly rhymed, poorly scanned crap, but in this case it sounds like something that could apply to any challenge at all. It does serve to remind them of the Spirit Stone that they "won" at the arrival ceremony by not letting it default to the women. Rory explains that the Spirit Stone was supposed to bring luck, but "We haven't won immunity yet." Yes, they're 0 for 1 on immunity challenges. That's quite a losing streak. Chad interviews that they've been "neglecting" the stone, but that maybe things will go better for them if they "give it more respect." Meanwhile, we're seeing footage of the men tying the stone to the end of an eight- or nine-foot pole and planting the pole in the beach. Stone side up, in case that wasn't clear. They've literally put the Spirit Stone up on a pedestal. Immediately it begins raining. Rory tells us that he doesn't know if it's "sick timing," but the fact that rain came out of nowhere after they mounted the stone leads him to believe that "there's magic on Vanuatu." Okay. Or maybe there's just a pissed-off Judeo-Christian deity who wants to remind his boys about a little thing he likes to call the First and Second Commandments. The CBS promo department makes a note to send Rory a nice little gift basket.
Time for the Immunity Challenge. There's a large, multi-level platform set up on the grass above the beach, which is also littered with large, colorfully-painted slabs of wood tied together in pairs and set up like advertising sandwich boards. There are also several tied to buoys floating in the water. Jeff takes the Immunity Pole from Yasur, as Twila promises quietly, "We'll git it back." Jeff explains that the challenge will "test communication and the ability to work together." I love the way Jeff always says "test" when he really means "display your tragic and almost complete lack of." He explains that the wooden sections lying around are puzzle pieces. Each tribe will choose one member to be its eyes, and the rest will be blindfolded, tied together at the waist in three groups, and dispatched to the various corners of the field, the beach, and the water to retrieve the puzzle pieces, directed by the sighted tribe member. They are to bring the puzzle pieces back to their tribal mat, and once they're all collected, they take off their blindfolds, untie themselves, and start assembling the puzzles. Each tribe has three levels of the platform, and they need to complete a puzzle on each level. The first tribe to complete all three wins immunity. And, of course, the challenge represents yet another chance for Lopevi to win a little flint. I'd just like to say that I originally thought this challenge would be more entertaining if they had to put together the puzzles while still blindfolded, but as we shall soon see, I was just being greedy. Dolly agrees to sit this one out, and Yasur unanimously chooses Scout as its eyes. Lopevi nominates Sarge. Yeah, that must have been a tough decision. Pick the guy who makes a living shouting at hundreds of people at a time, or the guy who sounds like Boomhauer from King of the Hill? (I'm making a weighing motion with my hands as I type this.)
The tribes are blindfolded, tied together in teams of two and three, and lined up at the foot of the platform. Jeff gives the go command, and Sarge is immediately barking precise orders to his men. He's using phrases like "fifteen paces...ten o'clock" while Scout is hollering helpful instructions like "Pick that up!" Super. Sarge calls Travis to the sound of his voice, and Travis and his partner make a beeline for him -- until they smack their puzzle pieces into Mia. And these are pieces of wood that are roughly four feet square, so having a couple of galoots plow one into you from behind probably stings a little. Yasur gets a pair of pieces first, and I'd just like to say how unfair it is that I barely know who all these people are yet as it is, and now I'm supposed to recognize them with their buffs tied over the entire upper halves of their faces? Fuck that. Lopevi is close behind with their first pair. Scout steers two of her groups right into each other, while Dolly sits and watches and laughs. It's a little hard to hate her. JP is about to walk his team into a tree, but Sarge orders him to stop just in time. "Nine o'clock," Sarge bellows, meaning turn ninety degrees left, and JP obediently turns ninety degrees right. Oh, brother. Sarge yells, "Okay, six o'clock," meaning do a one-eighty, but by the time he gets that far, JP has already interpreted the "Okay" as "Go" and led them into a knee-high tree root that trips them both up. Sarge is still hollering, "SIX O'CLOCK, JP," but JP has, sadly, already built up a good head of steam in the direction of down o'clock. "Sorry, Sarge," he says lamely.
A Yasur pair gets to the water and calls to Scout for guidance. "Water team, go straight, go straight," she answers. Sarge guides Chris, Rory, and maybe Agent Brady into home base with their tribe's second pair, then directs Travis to a third one without even taking a breath. Yasur has five pairs, even though a lot of Scout's strategy seems to be built around gesturing emphatically to her blindfolded tribemates. Meanwhile, knee-deep in the ocean, her totally lost water team is all, "One, two, three -- SCOOUUT!!" Hee, hee. That's not a sign of strong leadership. Scout tells them to go right. Sarge also has a team in the water. It's JP, and Sarge has given up on the outmoded analog clock mode of communication and is simply yelling "Go left!" JP finds his floating pieces. Scout backs Mia and someone else into another pair in the grass. Sarge screams, "Bubba, left" about twelve times, but Travis glides straight ahead past a pair on the beach, while his partner helpfully tries to pull him to the right. They eventually figure out that Sarge means their other left, and they describe a hilarious counterclockwise circle around the puzzle pieces right to them until Sarge practically crashes them into it. Lopevi's three-man team comes back to base with a pair, crashing into Yasur's water team. Lopevi has eight pairs of puzzle pieces now, and Yasur has just delivered its sixth pair. Travis's partner brings in another pair, forgetting that there's already a sizable pile right there for him to bark his shin on painfully. Which he does. "You're all right," Travis tells him, secretly congratulating himself on hanging back and making the other guy take the lead. Scout is struggling, telling people to "stay on the path," like that's helpful, and someone is bitching to her that they can't hear her out there. Which is true, and although I know I couldn't compete with Sarge on vocal power, I know I'd be choosing my words more carefully in order to drop them into those rare moments when he inhales.
Sarge, meanwhile, is directing one of his teams to a pair of pieces in the water. "Water team," Scout yells, "you're going to pick one up there in a minute." And sure enough, out on the beach, Eliza immediately racks herself on it. She has this to say: "Oww!" She continues, "Owowow!" And furthermore, "Ow!" Jeff winces, which just makes it funnier. Lopevi's three-man team drops off that tribe's penultimate pair. Scout tells Ami to go straight ahead, and Ami does, her partner saying, "Feel in front of you, 'cause you never know. OOF!" This last is because she's just gotten a faceful of totem pole. What an eloquent testimonial to how much Scout sucks at this. Hope that heals in time for the Stuff magazine shoot. Sarge continues to holler "LEEEFT!" at the directionally-challenged JP out in the water, until his partner just happens upon it by randomly reaching behind himself. Sarge calls them home. Scout continues projecting her voice at a volume that would barely reach the back row of a classroom. Rory volunteers to direct the last team in, and he and I think Agent Brady yell something until Sarge tells them to "Stay still and be quiet." And then just Rory is singing out at top volume, "LOOOOPEEEEVI! LOOOOOPEEEEVI!" Forcing Sarge to yell over him as well. Smart move there. Is he looking for ways to get on people's nerves? Sarge, bug-eyed with rage, screams, "Hey, you! Hey! Stop! You are messin' me up!" This at a considerably louder volume than he's been using to communicate with his guys who are a hundred yards away. Rory shuts up. Yasur's three-woman team has been reduced to crawling along the beach until they stumble upon another pair, almost no thanks to Scout. Eliza from the water team volunteers to go back out, but Scout tells her they're good. Eliza asks again if there are more pieces in the water, and Scout insists, "No, we got 'em." Then she continues calling the rest of the teams in while the editors help us out with a shot of two Yasur pieces floating offshore. Nice choice of "eyes" there, Yasur. JP drops off the last pair of Lopevi pieces, falling and banging his head against a platform support in the process. Only place it couldn't hurt him, like my dad used to say.
Jeff instructs Lopevi to start untying and unblindfolding as Yasur brings in their eleventh pair. Scout tells her team to follow suit, but Jeff yells, "No! Scout! Scout!" He points out to the water, where the bright yellow slab of wood the size of a kitchen tabletop is glaring right back at her. "We got one in the water," she announces. "I said that! I said I thought --" snaps a pissed-off Eliza, but Scout cuts her off and sends her and her partner back out to get it. Lopevi is already making progress on their first giant Fisher-Price puzzle. Scout directs Eliza and Lisa to unhook their last floating pair from the buoy, while Mia sits and looks more disgusted with a blindfold on than I've seen most people be able to do with their faces uncovered. Lopevi is still struggling with their first puzzle by the time Yasur has all its pieces and is going to work on its own first puzzle. "Yasur, you're still in this," Jeff says, just in time for Lopevi to finish their first puzzle and get to work on their second. Yasur stays a full level behind them, right up until the end, when the guys win it. Jeff hands over the Immunity pole to the loudly celebrating Lopevi tribe, and tosses them their new flint. Jeff sends a despondent Yasur tribe back to camp, reminding them that they have Tribal Council tonight. Lopevi stands over Yasur, screaming, hollering, hugging, jumping, posing, and generally carrying on. But not dancing. Oh, no. Because that? Would be classless.
On Day 6, the volcano is thoughtfully providing a literal black cloud over Yasur to go with the metaphorical one. What price will Scout pay for screwing up the challenge? What ugly recrimination will her tribemates heap upon her head? None, actually. It's Eliza who's crying, probably because she knows she's on the block. Scout comforts her maternally, as if the debacle with the remaining puzzle pieces in the water never happened. Ah, the hate. Here it comes. "I just never expected to like everyone so much," Eliza weeps. Neither did I, and it looks like I was right.
Freakish fish sit on rocks in the open air while an occasional wave laps over them. They're fish out of water. If only I could grasp their symbolic significance. ["Ah, the mystical mudskipper. How I've missed you since the glory days of Ren & Stimpy." -- Wing Chun]
Julie and Dolly crouch at the edge of the water, enjoying one of their sand-and-pebble facials. Since Dolly's in the Sisterhood of the Pinky-Swear, Julie asks her which way the Sisterhood plans to go. Dolly spills that they're still leaning toward evicting Eliza. Julie tries to win Dolly back over to the Bowhead side, reminding her of their plan to boot Twila, but Dolly is no longer down with the idea of voting off the hardest-working member of the tribe. Julie interviews that Dolly's sweet nature is a liability, while the editors cut back to the beach where Julie is reminding Dolly about all of Eliza's many, many good quality. Julie offers another alternative: Leann. What about the person who fucked up the challenge? Why does nobody ever say a word about that? I guess I'm the naïve one. Dolly interviews that she feels caught in the middle, and she doesn't want to make the wrong decision, but that she feels more loyal to the younger crowd. We see her and Julie, back on the beach, agreeing on Leann and heading off to tell the others. Telling the others is very important when you're stranded on an island, you know. Dolly interviews, "Already, I've got myself in a jam. It's a cluster...a cluster-you-know-what." Here's what I know, Dolly. It's a little expression that poker players use. If you've been sitting at the table for two hours and you don't know who the patsy is? You're the patsy.
But I'm getting ahead of myself. Dolly goes to work on Ami, telling her they've already got four votes lined up for Leann. Ami, featured in this week's forty-thousandth shot of somebody using the tip of the machete to pry the meat out of a coconut, is on board the Leann train as well. Dolly doesn't seem comfortable with all this scheming. But, as her hat reminds us, Life is Good.
More diurnal bats. Of course, everyone knows that bats normally sleep in the daytime, but they're staying up because they don't want to miss all the exciting intrigue! Because it's just amazing how badly Dolly sucks at it. Now that the younger crowd has come up with a plan, Dolly has to go share it with Scout. The older woman keeps her poker face more or less in place, but tries to figure out why Leann's name even came up. Scout interviews, "I nearly dropped my teeth." She mimes being smacked across the gob. "I just...whaaa?" She doesn't add, "Why not me, for taking the Immunity Challenge and screwing the pooch so hard that I'm shitting puppies?"
Out on the beach, Ami and Eliza ask Leann who she's voting for. Leann vacillates until Eliza says, in a tiny voice, "Me?" Leann claims to not know what's going on. Ami says she doesn't agree with the choice of either presumptive nominee: "It's a popularity contest, and I'm not into that." Nice move trying to appear to be on the side of present company, but telling them they're unpopular? Less smooth. Leann wants to know if she's on the block with Eliza, and when Ami confirms it, she wants to know why. Ami tells them, "What Dolly said was, 'We'll vote Leann off first and we'll save Eliza for later.'" Which doesn't answer Leann's question, and which isn't something we heard Dolly say, and doesn't sound like something Dolly would say, but I'm sure Ami's playing some kind of strategy. "It's kind of Dolly, Julie, and me running the whole thing," Ami continues. Interesting strategy: "I am the unwilling architect of your demise." "I don't like that at all," Eliza says emphatically, much to the surprise of anyone who thought she'd be thrilled to be up for elimination.
"This is the most interesting thing," Julie lies to Mia and Lisa somewhere in the jungle. "Everybody running off, trying to scheme." Yes, Julie, it's so interesting it's giving me a headache. Right behind the function-key-shaped imprints where my skull keeps hitting the keyboard. Zzzz.
Out on the beach, Eliza, Ami and Leann discuss turning on Dolly for playing both sides. There's some disagreement as to whether Scout and Twila would go for it.
"At least Eliza's down there, so they can't really be talking about it," Mia tells Julie and Lisa. It's like the Opposite Grove up in there or something.
Eliza interviews that she's torn between sticking with her alliance and voting for Leann, or turning on the person in her alliance whom she trusts the least. We then see her having a little facetime with that individual. Dolly whines to Eliza about the pressure she's getting from both sides, until Eliza extracts a promise that Dolly won't vote for her. Eliza's interview continues, as she debates the merits and dangers of trying to get the younger alliance to vote out Dolly. If only she had a third option.
Survivor After Dark. Yasur arrives for its first Tribal Council, and the nine-millionth replay of Jeff's spiel about torches and ritual and life and blah blah blah. The torches are lit and Jeff says, "Before we get to the vote, let's talk about today's challenge." Oh, yes, let's. I was wondering if anybody was ever going to bring that up. "Scout, did you feel anything as you saw the lead get further and further away?" Scout -- because she knows that factional intrigue takes precedence over some silly old challenge -- feels safe enough to come right out and say that she blew it. Big of her. Jeff asks Eliza about workload distribution, and Eliza says something about everyone having "on days and off days. Except for Twila." Kind of a pity that the younger group's off days all seem to have fallen into the period where they just happen to be competing on Survivor. Ah, well. What are you gonna do? "Was Twila the only one doing the work?" Jeff asks. Twila graciously says, "No, I had help. Leann, Scout, Ami, us four did a lot of work. But the rest of 'em worked hard in their areas as well." Mia, for instance, looks like she's been working her ass off practicing that bitchface she's making right now. Jeff asks Leann what her biggest challenge is, and she says it's the lack of sleep. Although it was better last night with the blankets. Jeff follows up by asking how it affects her, and she admits that she gets withdrawn in the mornings. Jeff warns her that "in a social game, withdrawing can work against you." "I'm very much aware of that," she says, and either she or the editors omit the word "prick" at the end. "I have a feeling I'm going home tonight." Jeff asks Dolly, who is wearing her "Life is Good" hat in the "locked" position, how she's getting along with everyone, and she yammers about how her popularity is becoming a problem for her while Eliza takes advantage of her position in the front row to make her very best "I know something you don't know" face. Dolly reiterates her status as the deciding voter at tonight's council. Yeah, she just hates being in this position. Jeff asks Eliza if she's worried, and she breezily claims that she is. "You just have to pray that people stick to their word," she concludes. Because it gives you an advantage when you don't, right, Eliza?. And it's time to vote.
Eliza votes first. We don't see for whom. Neither do we see Dolly's vote. Or Lisa's or Twila's. We do see that Julie is voting for "Leane," because "Dolly's pretty much running the show, but I do like her." Lisa's, Ami's, and Scout's votes are kept secret for now. Mia votes for "Leigh Ann": "You seem like a great girl, I just didn't have time to get to know you." Does Mia think she's on The Bachelor? Oh, there's another reason: "It's purely so the five young 'uns, as you call us, can stick together and get through this. Sorry." Jeff heads off to retrieve the votes. He rushes through his little spiel about the vote being final and the person chosen leaving immediately, because people who live on islands way more remote than Vanuatu know how this works by now.
The first vote is for Leane. The second is for Leigh Ann. The third is for Leeane. Ooh, a three-way tie! Leann looks disgusted. Fourth vote: Dolly. Wait, what? Dolly looks blank. Julie looks confused, and maybe just a little suspicious. The fifth vote is also for Dolly, who by now is smiling a little bit. Voteless Eliza makes innocent cow-eyes. Mia and Julie exchange Wilco-Tango-Foxtrot glances. The sixth vote is for Dolly. Three votes for Dolly and three for Eliza. Lisa looks confused. Mia hisses, "What?" The seventh vote is for Dolly, and it even comes with a little emoticon to her name. Y'all, I don't think Eliza's going anywhere tonight. We see Mia's lips move as she breathes, "Oh. My. God. The --" but then the editors cut away before the cursing can begin in earnest. Eliza's still got her high-beams on. The eighth vote is for Leann, who looks way more worried than Dolly does. Jeff notes that it's a tie, as he makes a mental note to slip a little something extra into the pay envelope of the production assistant who collated the votes to rack up maximum drama. "Second person voted out of Survivor Vanuatu," he says, and turns the vote around. "Dolly." Dolly hops up like Bob Barker has just invited her to come on down while Eliza makes a "Who, me? I didn't do anything" face. Jeff douses Dolly's torch and sends her on her way. Buck up, Dolly. Life is good. Mia shakes her head in disgust. Bowheads? You guys got played. Your cunning and strategy are no match for the formidable intellectual might of Eliza. Jeff sums it up: "So the person who thought they were [sic] the swing vote is the person you just voted out of your tribe. So the question is, will tonight's vote bring you together as a tribe, or continue to separate you?" They take their torches and head off in single file. Wow, who'da thunk Eliza had it in her?
Not sure what just happened? A product-placed car company explains it for you through an announcer: "Eliza switches alliances, and puts the target on Dolly." We see Eliza voting for Dolly, saying, "I hope this doesn't shoot me in the foot." Hey, if it's a choice between getting shot in the foot and getting shot in the head, I know which way I'd go.
week: Mia yells at Twila because it's her fault that they've somehow lost their fire, shelter, and food. Sarge and Rory argue because Rory is a grown-ass man. And there will be not one, but two Tribal Councils. Whee!
Dolly's last words: "First of all, I have to say, whew, because this game is too much for me...I'm just a simple farm girl...I'm way too simple, and I just belong on the farm." Can't argue with any of that. But hey, Life is Good. Of course, we now see that she, Mia, Julie, and Lisa voted for Leann, while everyone else voted for Dolly. Looks like a long, awkward walk back to camp for Eliza.