Previously on Happy Betrayals To You: Kathy was shocked to find that Boston Rob didn't actually intend to abandon his entire strategy and support her and Lex over his existing alliance. Then she found out some things about the Easter Bunny and Santa that...well, I don't want to get into the specifics, but suffice it to say that your esents-pray come from your arents-pay, and so do your ocolate-chay unnies-bay. In competitive developments, an obstacle-course challenge promised letters from home for half the group and, for the ultimate winner, both immunity and a home video. When Boston Rob came out on top, he asked to forego what undoubtedly would have been quite a cavalcade of asshattery in his brother's video in exchange for everyone's getting to see their letters from home -- a trade that Jeff was happy to make. With Rob snorfling over his own generosity from the cushy comfort of the Immunity La-Z-Boy, the elimination of the former Mogo Mogo continued apace, despite Kathy and Shii Ann's efforts to convince the six Chaperans that only a sudden change in strategy could protect them from...well, from winding up as the final six, I guess. In the end, Kathy's efforts to sound sage and wise weren't enough to save her, since she fairly obviously is neither, and she was sent home. We're down to seven -- who will be voted out tonight?
Credits. If your car ever makes that noise that opens the credit sequence, I recommend taking it to a mechanic immediately. I think that's actually the noise it makes if you have a slinky in your gas tank.
It is raining at Camp Chaboga Mogo on the morning of Day 29. For some reason, they appear to be using a sparkle filter on the camera so that each individual drop of rain falling on the water looks like a little starburst. Or, actually, a cross. I sense the hand of John Ashcroft in this. And if you've ever "sensed" the hand of John Ashcroft, you know how unpleasant that can be. Shii Ann sits sulking in one of the rain ponchos that were also part of the reward in the day's obstacle course. She voices over that tribal council was "really emotional," and that it made her "really choked up." She laments the "smug, horrible Chaperans" for daring to vote out Kathy. She could blame herself for not helping to win any challenges, which allowed her team to be picked clean like a turkey carcass, but I guess that would be too obvious. She gripes that Chapera is "Pagonging" the Mogo Mogos, so apparently, whatever Shii Ann does with the rest of her time, she spends some of it online reading about herself. Maybe she's doing it now. Hi, Shii Ann! I'm sorry about...well, hi, Shii Ann! We watch her walk plaintively on the beach (damn, I really should have made that macro a long time ago) as she explains that Kathy was her "rock" and her "one true friend." And by her "rock," Shii Ann means "the strategic Henry Higgins to her hapless, bumbling Eliza Doolittle." Now, she has no one. Which, of course, has nothing to do with her snotty attitude and complete failure to take any strategic initiative up to this point, but instead is the result of other people's shortcomings. It's a beautiful day in Shii Ann's mental neighborhood, so feel free to bonk yourself in the head with a rolling pin repeatedly until you feel like you're getting there.
Clouds roll in, and Shii Ann meets up with Rob to have a little chat. She tells him that she knows she's to go, and she wants him to tell her: is he sticking with the Chaperans, or is he open to other options? This, apparently, is her version of strategizing. She doesn't approach him with any particular plan, she just asks generally about somebody other than herself being to go. It's just this random "What about meeeee?" approach that's kind of like walking out to the pitcher's mound in the eighth inning of a no-hitter, all, "You ever think about throwing with your other hand?" Without any alternative being offered that's worth considering, Rob tells her that, frankly, he plans to stick with his original plan. "Win immunity," he says with a smile, putting an arm around her shoulders. "I'm going to try to win immunity," she says. See, I thought he was actually relatively nice in that conversation, and showed a totally refreshing understanding of how the game is played. He makes it clear that she's going, and he tells her affectionately to go and win immunity. This is when I like Rob the most -- he plays Survivor just like you'd play Monopoly or football. You might act goofy and overly competitive at times, but ultimately, you go out and you play hard, and you assume everybody else is going to do the same. Of course, graciousness is cheap for Rob at this point, so I grant you that it would be wise not to get overly impressed. "Don't beat me, though. I need it just as much as you," he says warily as they part. Heh. Shii Ann interviews that her odds of getting much farther aren't very good, and that her best chance is to "stir it up." Feh. I hate people who take the stirring upon themselves. They usually bore me. And I never find them as stirring as they find themselves. Less stirring! More laying down and letting yourself be run over.
Shii Ann tries to put a scare in Boston Rob by telling him that she'll be shocked if he makes it to the final two using his "current strategy." Yeah, that makes sense, because it doesn't seem to be working well for him at all so far. He looks bored and inspects his fingernails, which I'm sure is not a good idea at this point unless you want to get very depressed. Shii Ann claims to hope he does well, which she doesn't.
Back in the shelter later with the rest of the soggy Chaperans, Rob tells them that Shii Ann tried to unload a heap of strategic advice on him, and that his reaction was, "Thanks for the info, Shii Ann." Heh. He also reminds them that their group strategy needs to be to keep her from winning immunity.
Today's rain-soaked treemail is written on a mask, and it suggests a reward challenge having something to do with food. Alicia interviews that they certainly hope it's a food challenge, because they can't really cook or fish in the drenching rain they've been experiencing for a while now. So they haven't had, you know, a free feast for several days, poor babies. Tom picks up the mask and holds it over his face, making "ooga-ooga" noises, to which Rob simply comments, "Dumb-ass." Hey, it's not diplomatic, but sometimes, you just have to call 'em like you see 'em.
The castaways meet Jeff on a beach where, to Rupert's amusement (which is signaled by his dorky, remedial fee-fi-fo-fum laugh), they each are represented by a large and comical mask. Notably, Amber and Jenna are made to look like twins. Which...not, really. Jeff starts by handing out a questionnaire that they all have to fill out about the members of the tribe. He advises them to answer honestly and not discuss their answers. So it's like the SATs, with less Jolt Cola and more sand in your shorts. They wander off and answer all the questions. When they return, he tells them that they're now going to be asked the same questions, and that they should hold up the card for the name of the tribe member that they think the majority (or, presumably, the plurality) of the tribe voted for. So this time, rather than answering for yourself, you're guessing what everybody else thinks. Every time you get one right, you get to make one chop at the rope that holds back a smasher aimed at somebody else's mask. It takes three chops to knock somebody out. So in short, three hits knock you out. Last one standing wins reward. And what's the reward? It's food, but there's a catch. Everybody will be going to a restaurant where the reward winner will distribute seven dinners to the tribe. And there's no sharing, so whoever is granted the bowl of rice gets just a big old bowl of rice. And then, presumably, goes on a murderous rampage.
First question is who you would trust with your life. The obvious answer, which is "What kind of a fucked-up universe am I imagining in which I would be presented with that decision?" was not available, presumably. It turns out that the majority of them said Rob. Notably, Rob does not predict this himself, and fails to get a point. It's an interesting factoid -- of the seven of them, only two got it right. In other words, if they answered honestly, then some of them presumably wrote down that they would trust Rob, but they didn't predict that others would trust Rob. Isn't that weird? It makes sense, though -- he's done a really good job of convincing these people that he is widely considered untrustworthy but in fact can be trusted by those select few whom he chooses to align with. It's nuts. They're crazy. But I would probably loan Rob money, so I'm nothing to write home about, either.
Anyway, Alicia and Amber win chops. Alicia chops at Shii Ann, who -- surprise! -- rolls her eyes. I think if her eye-rolls were laid end-to-end rather than just going round and round, Shii Ann would have rolled her eyes to Seattle by now. Amber chops at Big Tom, who she says "stole [her] pot." I don't think she means that the way it sounds, all violent and threatening and, you know, street. The question is more touchy: who doesn't deserve to be an All-Star? It turns out the right answer was a tie between Alicia and Shii Ann. (My guess -- three votes for Alicia, three for Shii Ann, and one for Jenna.) Everyone predicted either Alicia or Shii Ann, so everybody gets a chop. Alicia chops Rob. Jenna chops Tom. Shii Ann chops Alicia. Amber chops Jenna. Rupert chops Shii Ann. Big Tom chops Jenna. Rob chops Big Tom with a mischievous smile, smashing his mask for good. Big Tom is out of the game.
question is who uses sex appeal as a weapon. The obvious winner is Rupert, because chicks dig the tie-dye and the facial hair with the bugs in it. No, just kidding. The actual winner is Amber, and everyone votes for her -- she even votes for herself. This makes them all laugh. Alicia chops Amber. Jenna chops Amber also. Shii Ann chops Jenna, so she's smashed. Or "completely beheaded," as Jeff says, a little too gleefully. Amber chops Alicia. Rupert smashes Shii Ann's mask, because she kept telling people to chop at him. "No need keeping the stragglers around," Rob says, as he chops Alicia and finishes her off. So who's left standing? Well, Rupert, whom everyone seems pleased largely to ignore. But also Rob and Amber. Rob and Amber. Given the opportunity to smash at whomever they choose, these people simply leave the prom king and queen to the prize. It's really something.
I love the question: "Who is under the false assumption that they are [sic] smart?" Ouch. And again, the heart breaks over the inability to choose "Affirmative on all counts!" as your answer. The winner turns out to be Alicia, which no one predicts. Rupert predicted himself, by the way, and Amber predicted Tom, and Rob predicted Jenna. I find all three of those kinda funny. Alicia makes a face, surprised to see herself come up in this question and always ready to take anything that happens completely personally.
question: Who did the group think was the most honest? Amber and Rupert pick Rupert, while Rob picks himself. The answer is Rupert. Rob obviously picked himself because it makes sense that if you pick Rob for "trust with your life," you would pick him for "most honest," but it didn't turn out that way. These people are so weird. "I trust him with my life, but he's not the most honest." Maybe they think Rupert is honest, but also unable to tunnel out of a wet paper bag, were that the particular task on which your life depended. Perhaps Rob hast he highest average when you combine trustworthiness and the ability to tie your shoes without strangling yourself. Amber chooses to chop Rob, which is a nice try, and fools no one. Rupert knocks out Rob with the final chop of the round. Rob laughs and takes a seat.
The final question is a gimme: Who never shuts up? It's Jenna, obviously, which Rupert and Amber both get right, meaning that Rupert gets to take his shot at Amber and finish her, and he's the big winner. Jenna laughs it off, to her credit.
Later, as they all return to camp, Rob says that the biggest fallout from the reward challenge was that Alicia was upset by seeing herself come up in response to a couple of unflattering questions. "Her ego took a blow," he says. "People say things for a reason," he remarks. "Maybe she needs to take a look at herself." Mm, yes, Rob Mariano: Master of Self-Knowledge. The tribe sits around the fire and discusses the masks, but Alicia is still pissed. She interviews that "it's never fun to hear things about yourself that aren't flattering." She needs to start getting hate mail more often, because I will tell you that sometimes, that is a lot of fun, and I am serious. She's obviously never been called a "dumb shithead" by someone who can't spell "New York City." ["Man, I could have hyperlinked that last sentence to hilarious effect. But I chose to take the high road for once in my life." -- Wing Chun] As the women sit around and work on chopping things, Jenna asks Alicia if she's doing okay. "I'm fabulous, baby," Alicia growls. "If it helps, I'm a big mouth," Jenna offers. Hee. "Yeah, but did everybody say that you don't deserve to be here and you think you're smart and you're not?" Oh, pipe down, Alicia. Oversensitivity will take you nowhere in this game, and Jenna has just as much right to feel hurt by what was said as you do, if she decided to feel hurt by it. Amber interviews that Alicia is very emotional, and becomes "a huge grump" when she's unhappy about something. She goes on to say simply that when it gets to this point, people will actually start thinking about voting you out sooner because they're tired of dealing with you.
Jenna comes to Alicia again, because Alicia's pouting so persistently, and tries to make her feel better. Alicia is incredibly snappy and rude, considering that whatever her flaws, Jenna does seem to be legitimately trying to be helpful. Alicia interviews that she doesn't want anybody trying to make her feel better, and goes on specifically to slam Jenna as "the last person that [Alicia] would go to for consoling." Really? After Shii Ann? After Rupert? Whatever. Your bitchery, and welcome to it, Alicia.
Jenna and Rupert take a walk and discuss the upcoming reward. She suggests that he pick an order of people and present choices to them in the order that he picks them. He grumps that he almost wishes he hadn't won that challenge. He interviews that this was what got him last time -- he "let a pecking order be known," and then he was to go. There's some truth to that, which is surprising, since it's Rupert saying it. Jenna encourages him to take a good meal for himself, and not get all martyr about it. Of course, being a martyr is Rupert's favorite thing aside from psychotic coconut chopping, so that is asking quite a lot of him. Jenna interviews -- yes, arrogantly, but also correctly -- that Rupert is not a good strategic thinker and frequently "needs some coaching." They chat more about giving Shii Ann the rice (heh), and then Rupert interviews that the game is "geared to create hard feelings." Apparently, this is something he has noticed only recently. I think he holds the record, considering that it has taken him one and three-quarters seasons to notice the conceit of the show. Soon, he will be rubbing his eyes, talking about how deceit and trickery seem to be part of the game with these people.
The group is delivered to the "Panamanian restaurant," and Rupert is seated at the head of the table. There are seven meals on the table: a steak dinner with shrimp; potatoes; a salad (which, by the way, appears to include iceberg lettuce, of all things); a ham and cheese sandwich; a hot dog and sauerkraut with a glass of orange juice; a burger and fries; and the bowl of rice. Rupert starts with himself and chooses the steak. Jeff tells him that there's also an open bar with the steak dinner, and Rupert orders a beer. Rupert then allows Rob to choose, and he takes the burger. Jenna is then allowed to choose the hot dog. Amber chooses the sandwich. Alicia chooses the salad, saying that might have been her choice anyway. Shii Ann -- surprise -- rolls her eyes. Vancouver ho! Big Tom then chooses the potatoes. And Shii Ann, of course, gets the bowl of rice. "Leave the Asian girl with the rice," she whines. Yes, yes, you're very put-upon. Shut up. Big Tom interviews that they said the restaurant was supposedly really good, but he says, "I wouldn't hit a dog in the hind end with it, 'cause I got a tater and it was cold." Now, I realize that because it's Big Tom, we're supposed to be understanding about how not everything he makes sense. I am still calling a foul on the idea that you can hit a dog on the hind end with a restaurant. Oh, and also, there's a really stupid song about a guy at a fancy restaurant putting out his Cherries Jubilee with his bowl of vichyssoise, which I won't quote at length for you, though it's very tempting. Jeff comments that dinner may be awkward, but that at least they're warm and dry for a while.
Shii Ann chooses to spend dinner complaining in her snotty way, to no one's surprise. Rob says that the people with the crappy meals probably weren't pleased about "the politics" of the situation: "But hey, what can you do about that? You win some, you lose some." Shii Ann watches everyone else eat, and endeavors to be as unpleasant as possible. Jenna interviews, simply and straightforwardly: "Shii Ann's an absolutely obnoxious person." I agree. Jenna explains that Shii Ann talked throughout the dinner about everyone else's food, and put on her big display of passive-aggressive BS about how she was just loving her rice so much and blah blah blah. "Shut up," Jenna interviews. "It's obnoxious."
We now see a hand bringing Rupert another beer. "Big Tom, I'm drinkin' this for you!" Rupert laughs, because as usual, he doesn't understand that he looks like a huge jerk. He chugs the entire beer as the tribe looks on. He belches and orders another. Alicia interviews that Rupert had eight or nine beers, and was "plastered." Indeed. It appears so. When you start picking up your dinner plate and licking it, that does tend to suggest that you may have been slightly overserved. The rest of the group laughs about putting their heads on the table and taking a little nap while Rupert keeps drinking. Amber explains that, of course, they wanted to stay at the restaurant as long as possible, so they encouraged him to keep going. Rob interviews that Rupert's behavior basically outed the four-person alliance they have, and kind of stuck it to everybody else, which suggests to Rob that Rupert trusts him at least somewhat.
The morning, the tribe seems to have better weather, as the sigh of stringed instruments suggests as we watch birds flat across the sky. Rob is so happy that he's singing the tribe song, as he sometimes does. Of course, it's easy to sing with a belly full of burger and fries. The sun is out at last, and Rob is talking with great relief about kicking off Shii Ann so that they don't have to listen to her obnoxious ass anymore. Shii Ann, meanwhile, tells Rupert that she will be trying very hard to win immunity. In some kind of weird effort to play both sides, Rupert tells her that he's going to try for immunity, but that he won't "kill himself" because he doesn't think he's vulnerable. "I wouldn't mind seeing you win immunity," he says. Shii Ann tells Rupert that he ought to be looking to oust Rob. Rupert claims to have talked to Jenna about it already. Shii Ann smugly tells Rupert that "there are people here" who would switch if they thought there was a majority. Well, Shii Ann, if that's the case, why be cagey about it? Why not get on the stick and tell Rupert, "Look, if you and Jenna get together with me and Big Tom, we can kick off Boston Rob, and then Amber, and you will be much better situated in that case than in the one you're set up for right now"? Why is she being sneaky about not telling him what the strategic possibilities are? Is it just because she enjoys trying to sound like she knows more than she actually does? Because that's kind of my current suspicion.
Elsewhere, Alicia and Big Tom talk about the possibility of getting rid of Rupert rather than Shii Ann, presumably because Rupert is part of the sub-alliance that is now showing itself with Rob and Amber. Alicia adds that neither of them -- Big Tom or herself -- will be beating Rob or Amber in a final two situation. They talk some more about their situation, and Big Tom says that he and Alicia have a bond as well: "We may not have slept together, but we've snuggled pretty close." She chuckles. Alicia interviews that she and Big Tom had an agreement to stick with Amber and Rob, and that the four of them would remain as a unit. She explains that this should theoretically be protection enough. But then Big Tom came to her with a concern about going to the end against Amber or Rob, and that's compelling as well. She says that her only real handshake deal is with Rob, and that she doesn't trust him anyway. Smart girl.
Rob and Big Tom take a walk, as Rob explains that they need to figure out what they're going to do if Shii Ann wins immunity. Big Tom says that this would obviously create a much greater hazard for him than for Rob. Rob isn't so sure -- he thinks he needs the immunities in order to stay in the game as well. Rob interviews that he isn't yet sure who will go if Shii Ann wins immunity. Tom tries to encourage Rob to think about Rupert, who is more likely to beat Rob in future immunity challenges than Shii Ann. Big Tom actually makes a fairly compelling argument that whether Shii Ann wins or not, the move should be taking out Rupert, for a variety of endgame-related reasons. Also reasons related to making the recapper laugh hysterically, but I know those aren't their reasons.
Alicia sits at camp eating rice. Shii Ann tells her that they should talk, because she has "some news." Alicia says she doesn't want to hear it: "Honestly? There's a plan, Shii Ann, and it's too late for anything to change." Shii Ann says that's fine. Couple of brain surgeons, those two.
And now it's time for the immunity challenge. Jeff welcomes everyone to a stretch of beach where this fairly simple challenge will be going forward. You'll stand on a post and raise your hand over your head. Your hand will be chained to a bucket. If you move your hand, your bucket will tip over, dump water all over you, and signal your exit from the challenge. ["We have seen this before." -- Wing Chun] So this is one of those dumb stand-in-the- same-position challenges that I always think are extremely boring unless they're done right at the end and involve a lot of negotiating. Like the best one ever, which involved Lill and Jonny Fairplay.
Jeff takes the immunity necklace back from Boston Rob, and the challenge begins. The first person out, after a grand total of four minutes, is Amber. out is Jenna, whose hand really doesn't look like it moves, so I'm not sure how she managed to get bounced, but she did, after ten minutes. "You didn't need that immunity anyway," Shii Ann snots. "It's all good." So when you're marking up who started the obnoxious, fuck-you behavior at this challenge, you can set the timer from right there. In fact, Jenna's response is, "Nobody knows who's safe," so it's not like she's starting out with the idea of pounding Shii Ann's doom down her throat. Big Tom goes out , after sixteen minutes. "Okay, Rupert, you've got to hold out before Rob," Shii Ann says, with all appropriate [sic] and everything. And again, she is the one who decided to get personal and trash-talky. In spite of her efforts, Rob smiles. "I see Shii Ann's arm moving a bit, so you guys are good," Jenna adds from the sidelines, unfortunately buying into Shii Ann's "bitch during the challenge" practice. Jeff says that there apparently aren't any secrets, meaning alliance-wise. Jenna shrugs that there really aren't. Shii Ann -- striving for relevance as she is wont to do -- loudly insists that there are secrets. Whatever. Shut up. HATE! ["Yeah. She's an asshole." -- Wing Chun]
The clouds roll in. Shortly after the thirty-minute mark, Alicia dumps her bucket and she's out. She also manages to soak Jeff, which is a little entertaining. Shii Ann keeps hassling Rupert to keep his arm up. So she, of course, is being just as openly obnoxious about wanting Rob to lose as Jenna was about wanting Shii Ann to lose, with the only real difference being the second-grade fact that Shii Ann started it. Rain starts to fall. Jeff remarks that Shii Ann looks very strong after the hour, and she says that she needs immunity, so she plans to win. "Don't give up," Jenna mouths to Rupert.
Farther down the road, Rob becomes irritated by a bug on his arm, and in his efforts to get it away, he manages to move a little too much, and he brings the bucket down. It's interesting, because I think he might have outlasted both of these people if that hadn't happened. As often happens, this is a concentration challenge as much as a physical-strength challenge. So it's down to Rupert and Shii Ann, because they're the mental giants. Hee hee. Two hours in, Rupert says he'll last as long as it takes. Shii Ann says basically the same thing. Before long, Rupert's bucket tips. So...Shii Ann wins immunity. Bleeech. Shii Ann cheers loudly for herself. Of course, her obnoxious behavior up to this point ensures that nobody else is happy for her. She still has no friends, she might notice, despite having won immunity. She rips off her hat, looks at Chapera, and yells, "Take that!" Of course, nobody made any effort to rub anything in her face up to this point. Nobody was unkind to her, nobody bragged about how doomed she was, and nobody did anything besides have and maintain an alliance that didn't include her. Alicia probably came closest with her "there's a plan" thing, but that appeared to be in response to Shii Ann's incessant "I have important news" babbling, and not to some independent determination to try to make Shii Ann feel bad. Shii Ann's idiotic behavior here is purely her own, because she is the only one who decided to make this some kind of personal smackfest. Having an alliance isn't inherently unkind, and the fact that Shii Ann seems to think she has scored a point for...something...is completely confounding to me. It's as if she believes that by acting as if the rest of the tribe was trying to torture her with how doomed she was, she can make it true. Which she can't, because it isn't. That may have happened, of course, as any one of a number of things may have happened, but it never happened on screen, ever. In fact, when approached, Boston Rob was about as nice to her as he could be about it. So if you're looking for when the relationship between Shii Ann and the rest of the tribe turned personally ugly, it's on her, not on them. Up to this point, nobody else was trying to make it into a "fuck you" situation. She's responsible for that herself, not that she's likely to figure that out between victory screams. Idiot.
Anyway, Alicia cautions Shii Ann not to be too much of a little shit, considering that she still has to be in the same tribe as these people. It's good advice, and Shii Ann knows it as soon as Alicia says it, which is why she tries to backtrack as soon as it's out of her mouth. "You know what?" Shii Ann says. "I love you guys, but I needed this more than all of you guys!" You know, if she wants to be a pot-stirring bad-ass, Shii Ann needs to have the stones not to come back with the "I love you guys!" as soon as somebody points out to her that she's acting like kind of a bitch. She also cries over winning immunity, which just could not be more pitiful and sad. This season has certainly seen the most whimpering of any season I can recall. Jeff sends the rest of the tribe home to camp. And, I mean, I understand why Shii Ann is excited, but first of all, she's most likely delayed her fate by only a week, and if by any chance she would ever make the final two, she has just guaranteed that not one of those people would ever vote for her. She's just really not as good a player as her current position would suggest. She won that particular challenge with her balancing or whatever, but she's a rotten strategist. She has no idea how to play this game at all, and it's just jaw-droppingly baffling how impressed with herself she is. Her conviction that she's achieved something by being a jerk to people just because they're in the process of beating her fair and square is just...something I do not get.
Back at camp, Shii Ann hangs up her immunity necklace. Around the fire, she says, "I didn't mean to get so excited; I wasn't trying to gloat." So apparently, "Take that!" wasn't supposed to be gloating. Maybe she was serving them something, like an appetizer. Maybe she was saying "Take that...stuffed mushroom; they're delicious." But...probably not. And again, if you want to be a bad-ass, you can't apologize. Or else you're not so much bad as really just...you know, ass. The rest of the tribe shrugs it off, and Jenna tells Shii Ann that everybody gets excited when they win. Rob is also muttering not to worry about it. Alicia, of course, is not so forgiving, and complains in an interview about Shii Ann's overwhelming need to gloat. "Let her enjoy her moment," Alicia says to Rob out of Shii Ann's presence. "Yeah, it's not gonna last," Rob agrees. And he's right, of course -- Shii Ann's victory didn't really upset things very much, because it happened when she had no allies left. Shii Ann snots in an interview that she's so happy the alliance will have to "eat one of their own." And again, her personal feelings of gloaty-ness about this are totally stupid, because instead of sitting in a corner talking about how nifty she is, she should be trying to organize an overthrow while she still has the chance. All she's doing is alienating herself and ensuring that nothing will happen that will actually be of any significance.
"They should have been cutting deals with me before my immunity win," she says. Which makes no sense, because it's not as if her immunity win gave her any power. She is one person. There are two possible four-person alliances, and whichever of them sticks together is going to vote off whoever it wants, and it has nothing to do with Shii Ann. They don't need her. They didn't need her before, and they don't need her now. They are foolish not to consider voting off Boston Rob, but that has nothing to do with the idea that somehow they should have been scheming with Shii Ann previously. In fact, it would have made no sense for them to include her before she won immunity, because she was still a free boot, and they could have spent another three days plotting, even if they were going to take out Rob or Amber. Shii Ann correctly ascertains that Alicia is on the block, but she also insists that Rob is on the block, which isn't true at all, of course, and shows that Shii Ann has no clue what's going on. The people being considered by anyone are Rupert and Alicia, as far as we know. We have heard not a whisper of anyone being serious about voting off Rob. Of course, if Shii Ann were plotting instead of whining, that might change, but it's not going to.
"Stupid people," Shii Ann says contemptuously, as if she isn't the only person left on the beach with zero potential allies of any kind. "Stupid people. Let me just say that again. Stupid players." I swear, I have rarely despised anyone on this show as much as I did Shii Ann during this episode. She has done literally not one thing during this entire season that's worthwhile other than winning that challenge, and all of a sudden she's calling a group of six people -- four of whom are undoubtedly going to be the final four and all of whom have gotten there through actual alliance-forming and other active decisions -- "stupid"? What planet is Shii Ann living on? Who does she think she's successfully foiling here, other than Alicia, who was going to be the to go after her anyway? I see no reason at this point to think this would go any other way than Alicia in this episode and Shii Ann in the one, barring Shii Ann's winning immunity again. Who would team up with her after the way she's acting? Who would form an alliance with her when she's expressed an intense interest in screwing them all over? If anything, she has completely squandered the opportunity with which her immunity win presented her. Bleh. HATE!
Shii Ann tells Rupert that his head is on the block. He's all, "Yeah, yeah, I know." She tells him that Rob is the person who should be gotten rid of. Up in the shelter, Rob sarcastically discusses his great fear of Shii Ann. "Shii Ann's a dealmaker!" he says, watching her talk to Rupert. "Such a strategist! Look at her down there, look at the strategizing going on right now!" Heh. Yeah, I think he's incredibly threatened. In an interview, Rob says that there are two options tonight: stick with Alicia and Big Tom, or stick with Jenna and Rupert. You'll notice that neither option includes, "Gee, now that Shii Ann won immunity, I'll of course need to negotiate with her powerful ass." Shii Ann remains -- say it with me -- irrelevant.
Shii Ann and Amber talk. Amber says she's interested in voting off either Rupert or Alicia, most likely. "For me, it would be between Rupert and Rob," says Shii Ann. Mm-hmm. That'll work. Try to get Amber to vote out Rob. That's got promise. Could she be stupider? If there were ever any chance that she might be able to hook herself to Rob and Amber, she certainly eliminated it right there. Amber tells Shii Ann that she trusts Rob, and that she thinks Rob trusts her, and would even if she were lying. Heh. Shii Ann interviews that Amber is so very shrewd, compared to how she appears. You know what? I really think she's not that shrewd. I think she made an early decision to partner with Rob, and it worked out well for her, but I haven't seen Amber make any particularly brilliant moves. I think Amber talks shrewd more than she actually is shrewd. My sense is that Shii Ann is approaching Amber because what she really wants is to vote out Rob, and she's too big a bitch to go either to Jenna or Alicia and ask for their help, because she hates them both and is having too much fun gloating in their faces. Had she approached Rupert, Jenna, and Alicia about voting out Rob, she would at least have had a chance. Just coming to Rupert and Amber, of all people? No way.
Rob and Amber read his letter from, presumably, his brother. He interviews that his main alliance is still with Amber, because she trusts him even if he doesn't entirely trust her. Heh heh. As they sit together, he assures her that they're going to do it, and that they need to have trust and confidence going into tribal council. He interviews that of course Amber's playing the game; he doesn't think she's playing him, he thinks "it's genuine what's going on." Of course, then he says, "I could be the biggest sucker in history." Hee. "So hey, she had me fooled." Well, at least he admits it. He won't be the first person fooled by a smokin' ass.
They all head for tribal council. Jeff brings in Kathy and Lex. Shut up, Lex's Mohawk (tm Kim). Jeff brings up Shii Ann's important immunity victory. Which Lex smirks about, because he is still righteously indignant over nearly everything. Shii Ann claims that the tribe is "very unique [sic]" in that they're open about whom they want to get rid of, so she responded by being a totally obnoxious crybaby. She uses different words, but that's the idea. Jeff asks Rupert what his feeling is about the challenge, and he says it was really hard. He says that he's feeling especially vulnerable after picking people in order to select meals at the reward. Jeff points out to Alicia that four of the original Chaperans are still here, and he asks how strong that group is. She says it's strong, but that they also wouldn't be where they are without Rupert and Jenna. She says that they always knew it would eventually come down to the six of them, so the fact that it's this week rather than week isn't that big a deal.
Shii Ann is asked whether there was a power shift, and whether people approached her to make deals. She says she noticed that nobody has taken a leadership role and said who should be voted off. Which is hilarious, because if they were doing such a thing, why would they tell Shii Ann? Why is she so delusional as to believe she knows what's going on inside an alliance she's not part of? Jeff points out that Jenna looked fairly disgusted at that answer, and Jenna says -- and she's right -- that it's a stupid answer, because Shii Ann doesn't seem to understand that the fact that no one has outlined a strategy for Shii Ann doesn't mean that one does not exist. Telling your enemies isn't one of the criteria for having your strategy certified.
Jeff turns his attention to Rob, pointing out that this is his first time in a while going without immunity. Jeff asks Rob why they wouldn't get rid of him while they have the chance. Rob says he's certainly thought about that himself. He certainly wishes he had immunity.
Time to vote. Amber votes. Rupert votes. Jenna votes. Big Tom votes. Alicia votes. Shii Ann votes. Rob votes for Alicia. "Remember the little fight we had on Day 3?" he asks. "Where I 'zipped my lip'? I've been waiting to do this for twenty-seven days. So , au revoir. Adios. Arrivederci. Sayonara. Or, as we say in Boston, see ya lat-ah." Snerk. Jeff goes off to tally.
The first vote is for Alicia. The second is for Alicia. The third is for Rupert. Then Alicia, and Alicia again, so she's gone. "Well, somebody turned; I'd better not find out who it is," she mutters as she gets up to go get snuffed. Snuff! Shii Ann smirks at Lex, who smirks back at her, because he's convinced that this is a major foiling of the Chaperans. I mean, back when there were twelve people left, the group that was then Chapera decided to stick it out and be the final six, and rather than being the final six, they are only five of the final six. That's quite a foiling -- that alliance wasn't successful at all. Shut up, Lex's smirk.
Jeff sends everyone back to camp.
In her exit speech, Alicia wishes everyone luck, and says that if she's on the jury, she's certainly not going to feel cheery about voting for Boston Rob, what with the handshake. Oh, and it turns out that Shii Ann voted for Alicia, making her not nearly the pot-stirrer she thinks she is. The thing to do would have been to vote for Rob and then see if she could blame it on somebody else. Because that would have at least been interesting.
week: Jenna and Shii Ann don't like each other. The Rupert and Jenna love evaporates. Whatever.