When we last leftSurvivor, Peachy was a gleeful, dimpled subway rider; Rob was the "smartest player to never win"; newly spiky Matthew made it to the final two and only got one vote; and Jenna was revealed as the unpleasant victor. We were live in NYC at the Survivor Amazon reunion show, and Jenna and Matthew -- who had shared the very first celebratory hug -- were now suspiciously sharing the last.
Peachy, attired in his New Yorker costume -- shades of black and gray -- welcomes us back to the Amazon reunion show. He congratulates Jenna on a "well-earned" victory and calls her "very tough" out there. She was "very" lots of things: spoiled, entitled, ungracious, lazy -- the list goes on -- but "tough" is not my word of choice. Peachy points out that Jenna "pulled off" several accomplishments: she was the youngest competitor of all six seasons of Survivor and thus the youngest winner ever; she won four of eight immunity challenges (the only person ever to win more was Australia's Colby), including having "dominated" the last two when she desperately needed them; she was the only player ever "crazy enough" to give up immunity; and she turned down an offer from Rob guaranteeing her a spot in the final two. What's on Peachy's mind -- and the minds of the rest of the viewing audience -- through all this is, "Christy! What the heck is goin' on?" Christy, resembling Jodie Foster, tucks her hair back and grins ambiguously as we see the clip of Christy warbling that, "Those freakin' evil stepsisters of mine are not gonna win the million dollars. Not gonna happen!" Peachy asks what happened to change Christy's mind, and she responds with the standard "outwitted, outlasted, and outplayed" shtick. When Peachy questions whether it's just a "nice answer," or if she really believes that Jenna outplayed both her and Matt, Christy pauses before agreeing, explaining -- if "explaining" is taken in the loosest sense of the word -- that since she'd been with Jenna since the beginning of the game, but only met Matt halfway through, she felt like she'd "give [Jenna] that opportunity to win." Peachy points out that Christy is working with an interpreter and snits, "Too bad you didn't have one out in the game -- might've helped you a little bit!" I'm not sure that came out the way Peachy intended.
Peachy turns back to Jenna, and lays out what he says everyone must be thinking: for the bulk of the thirty-nine days, she "acted like a selfish, spoiled only child." The audience claps and hoots as Jenna agrees that it's a "fair enough" description. Peachy thinks she changed, though, in the last few days: she "got game." He adds, "To me, [you] became a lot more likeable." Jenna responds, "And that's a hard thing to do!" She insists that she's young and has a lot to learn, and that the crumbling of her alliance caused her to wrestle with the decision, "Am I gonna fight, or am I gonna run?" While watching herself throughout the season she thought, "Boy I am spoiled sometimes! And I am...annoying!" She tells us again that she's learned a lot about herself, and claims that it's a hard thing to do with a viewing audience that isn't aware that she's learning. Matthew's and Jenna's arms and legs and hands and feet are completely intertwined as Peachy points out that Jenna "took a lot of heat;" she admits that it was mostly deserved and she's a better person because of it, which is what matters in the end. She rests her head on Matt's shoulder.
Peachy wants to talk about strategy, citing Jenna's claim of her intention to take the most deserving person to the final two with her. He questions whether Matthew was really the most deserving, or whether the choice was part of Jenna's strategy. She admits that it was strategy, explaining that she wanted the jury to think she believed she was taking the most deserving person to the final two. Peachy wonders what would have happened if she'd chosen Rob, and she responds that he would have kicked her butt. Rob, looking rodent-like, laughs as Jenna concedes that it would have been a well-deserved victory. Peachy asks the seven members of the jury whether their votes would have changed in a final contest between Jenna and Rob, and we see Christy, Deena, and Rob nodding their heads. Butch, meanwhile, emphatically shakes his head in the negative, which is funny since he would have had to change his vote, because voting for Matthew wouldn't have been an option. Peachy concludes that the jury is mixed, and it might have been a wiser move on Jenna's part to take Rob. She snittily agrees, "Well, I guess so!"
Peachy has to give Matthew props for being at the "other end of the spectrum." He explains that Matthew initially didn't know anything about the game and didn't even know what treemail was, but "found a mentor -- sort of -- in Rob," who taught him the game so well that by its end Matthew had developed dual alliances -- either of which he would have willingly betrayed to make it to the end. Peachy rubs in the fact that Matthew only got one vote, before bringing up the one, unchanging issue: "The question about your sanity." Peachy asks Matt if he's really "nuts," but before Matt answers, Peachy wants to take a look back at one of Matt's "favorite, sort of, hobbies out in the Amazon." We see Matthew toothily sharpening his machete while Christy cutely calls him "creepy." In our household, we now sign "creepy" all the time, so Christy's done at least one small service in schooling home viewers in sign language. Matthew claims that it was "all an act," before refuting that claim: "I'm a crazy guy!" Peachy insists that it's a serious question, and Matt further explains that it was a strategic act; he needed people to "dismiss" him as naïve or insane because it was the only way to "deflect" their attention from his physical threat in the game. He claims he "dodged an awful lot of bullets" in doing so, and that it was a "great vehicle" for advancing. Peachy feels like they're at Tribal Council again because everyone else is shaking their heads. He calls out Alex, who is acting "like a puppy dog out there." Alex laughs and manically recalls a time when Matthew flipped out at Jaburu after receiving two Tribal Council votes; he insists that Matthew insisted on doing fire duty by himself and "got all kinds of dehydrated." And while that doesn't sound like the most intelligent behavior, I wouldn't exactly say it's proof that Matthew should be checked into the room to Brittany Murphy. There's a reason that girl plays all kinda crazy so well in movies. Anyway, I'm not saying there aren't plenty of other reasons Matthew should be committed, but the fact that he watched the fire alone one night isn't one of them. Alex adds that Deena also saw Matt lose it out there, and starts to say something else, but Peachy slaps him down, insisting that they've all got the point. Alex is still getting his bitch on, addressing Matthew: "You were off...there was somethin' -- from that moment on, you checked out." Alex doesn't think it was an act, but unwillingly concedes when pushed by Peachy that it might have been the "best acting job ever."
Matthew admits to letting himself get extremely dehydrated on two occasions: once with Deena and once with Roger. Jenna clings to him as he explains that he got sick because he worked so hard at camp on the fire and water, and Peachy agrees that no one can deny his efforts. Matthew says that the experience was "really scary," and Peachy says they'll talk about that later, but if it's something you're particularly interested in, don't hold your breath, because it never comes up again. Instead, Peachy promises us that when we return from the break, we'll talk about the initial division of the tribes by gender, which he claims resulted not only in a heated battle of the sexes, but also in more unexpected same-sex conflicts, stirred up "particularly, [by] the younger, prettier girls." As we go to commercial, we see the clip of Jenna, Shawna, and a horsy HeiDDi bathing, and Peachy fusses with something beneath his seat. For no apparent reason, the audience is prompted to clap and laugh.
We're back to more meaningful clapping as Peachy clutches something purple and waves it around, announcing that the gender divide provided many things: it gave the audience someone to root for; put the men immediately on the defensive; and created underdogs out of the female tribe. He anthropologizes that the split also clearly demonstrated the impact men and women have on the opposite sex, and how our behavior changes when we're around each other. He calls out the male members of Tambaqui for being "goofy from the start," and points out that in the middle of the first Tribal Council, when they were getting ready to vote Ryan out, they couldn't stop talking about Shawna and HeiDDi. The men laugh as Peachy asks what exactly about the division heightened the sexual tension, and Alex Cinderellas that you "don't know what you've got until it's gone." He's used to having women "in [his] world," and without them around, he noticed "that lack of energy." We cut to a shot of a boingy-haired, laughing girl in the audience, who just has to be Shawna's sister. Alex finishes up by claiming that "whether it's platonic or not -- you just want that energy around."
Shawna agrees with Alex, and would you expect her to disagree with Alex? She laughs, "I think there's a reason men and women are hangin' out together!" Throwing her hands around, she "I don't know"s her way through telling us, "Basically, the fact is, I need men." Peachy highlights Shawna's readiness to leave the game, "and then suddenly -- here comes Alex!" We see the clip of Shawna sniveling about her "crappy-ass depression," and belief that "the only way out of it is to get out." Or in this case, "the only way out of it is to get Alex." We then see Alex prance into camp while a newly invigorated and on-her-feet Shawna welcomes him with outstretched arms. The audience laughs, but it's not all that funny. As she was the last two times we saw this clip, Deena is still amazed what a little testosterone can do for someone.
Peachy commends Shawna on her cute "hi!" and points out that she was ready to quit a million-dollar game, but as soon as the three men showed up, she decided to stick around. Shawna explains that she knew she was sick -- whether mentally or physically. She was "totally on a one-way canoe to Psychosville," but she had to decide what was right for her, even if it was wrong for the rest of the tribe. Although she still felt like crap when the men showed up, she was determined to spend her last time there having fun, flirting, and going out "in style." Peachy's done with this subject, but Shawna can't be stopped from Sandra Bullock-ing about what a fun-loving, jolly girl she is, and how she hadn't laughed the whole time she was out there. Peachy is happy to point out that once Shawna was gone, Alex moved right on to another tribe member. Alex insists that he has "nothing but love" for Shawna and thinks she's "awesome," but "whether or not [they're] gonna have...be...married down the road," is doubtful. He says they'll always be friends.
Peachy doesn't want to pick on Rob because he insists, "You're great! You were great on this show!" but then he does anyway. He says Rob came across as the guy who always got picked last and didn't have a lot of luck with the ladies. Alex pats Rob's shoulder as Rob agrees with Peachy that it's a fair and accurate thing to say. Peachy points out that he was content to play that role, and Rob announces that he has good and bad news: the good news is that he has a girlfriend who's great, and the bad news is that she doesn't believe anything he'd say. I'd venture to say -- now that he's out of the running for the million -- there might be more bad news headed his way. Rob has a tendency to wrinkle up his nose and squint his eyes when he laughs. It's not pretty. Unless, I guess, you're a female rat.
Peachy returns to the unanticipated issues among the members of the female tribe, which he wants to "revisit," citing a particularly "memorable" moment at their camp. He also wants to "revisit" the footage of the women washing themselves and each other, and I suspect he may "revisit" this footage often from the privacy of his own home. In this clip, HeiDDi embarrasses herself by talking about being one of the "cuter girls," and how she, Jenna, and Shawna had to cut themselves off from the older women: "We're younger, and we're cuter, we've got better bodies, and for some reason that's, like, a huge issue with older people." HeiDDi puts her head in her hands and laughs, although I wouldn't be laughing if I'd said something as horrible, small-minded, and egocentric as that.
Peachy doesn't even know where to begin, but clearly he does, since he turns to the most potentially venomous woman: Jeanne. He asks where the problems initiated, and she responds -- through new, unflattering bangs -- that she wasn't aware it was even going on, because she was busy working so hard. Jeanne adds that she was "thrown for a loop" when the episode aired, and Peachy asks HeiDDi what made the younger women stick together. HeiDDi has pencil-thin, Pamela Anderson eyebrows -- and Pamela Anderson everything else, for that matter -- laughably claims that she began the game as "an athlete," but from the very first day people were glaring and snickering at her. She decided that since the others were making it into a "looks issue," she would look at the situation the same way. She dismissively holds up a hand, and turns without making eye contact to mutter, "I am sorry if I offended anybody. Truly I am." She insists that she was being constantly mocked because she was "too little, too weak," when all she ever wanted was to be part of Joanna and Jeanne's camp-building efforts, but they wanted nothing to do with her. Butch stares at his hands, probably embarrassed to be within a hundred yards of this discussion. Jeanne shakes her head in dismay as she insists that it wasn't "a problem with her beauty or size or anything," but because HeiDDi wasn't doing her share of the work. The audience claps and laughs along with Jeanne, while HeiDDi looks peeved. Peachy asks Jeanne if there's any substance to HeiDDi's assertion that the others were younger and willing to use their assets, while she wasn't and didn't. Jeanne shrugs and points out that they got further than she did. Peachy questions whether it was difficult for her to watch the show and hear their comments, and Jenna looks uncomfortable as Jeanne responds that it was indeed hard, but that she was with her friends and family members, who judge her the way they want to see her. So her friends and family members judge her, too -- just differently? Peachy commends Jeanne, who looks like she's in "rockin' shape!" and she proudly agrees that she is, before Kim Cattrall-ing that women over forty know what they want and are very comfortable with themselves and their bodies. She insists that she's very proud of herself "and women," in general. She smiles. Aw.
Peachy calls Deena a "neutral observer," and asks about her take on the situation. He again takes the opportunity to use the words "younger, prettier girls." Deena really believes that Jenna, HeiDDi, and Shawna were disadvantaged by being part of an all-female tribe, because their greatest assets were beauty and their "manipulation abilities." But when the tribes were redivided, she could see them making new alliances. She points out that it worked for them, and that they used the situation to the best of their abilities. She keeps using the phrase "their abilities," in this discussion, and I can so hear, "Did you get a load of the abilities on her?" making its way into the lexicon. Shawna laughs in the background while Christy has really thin lips. Deena adds, "If I had it, I'd have flaunted it, too," and Peachy disbelievingly asks, "Really?" Deena pauses before responding, "No." Hee.
Peachy is a little stuck on this subject, as he points out that the men appeared to get along with each other better than the women did. He asks Davey Rockett if he thinks that a group of men "have an easier time just gelling and meshing," and Davey Rockett responds that his tribe was better able to get past their minor differences and move on to other things. He doesn't think it "went quite so well at the other camp."
Peachy asks Joanna's take on the situation, wondering if she believes there's "fundamentally a difference with how we interact when we're forced together in the same sex." She responds, "That depends who the women are...and what they're all about...and what they have goin' on inside and out." Peachy asks if Joanna had a good time on Survivor, and she responds with a resounding "Hallelujah!"
Peachy wants to clear something up before we go to another commercial: he turns to Janet, who he says left under circumstances during which people were "alluding" that she was a granola bar smuggler. She trills that she absolutely did not bring the food in, and that she'd love to take a lie detector test to prove that she didn't. Peachy doesn't offer her the opportunity, though. Instead, he asks whether, "in [her] defense," anyone at camp definitively saw her bring it in. He wonders where the finger-pointing originated, because "all of a sudden it was like Butch with the fire." Jeanne explains that she had seen the granola bar in Janet's bag the day, but didn't say anything because she didn't want to create any "drama out there." But she had no problems creating the same drama the day? Jeanne points out that they were sharing bags; Peachy jumps in to say that it could have slipped out of anyone's pack, but Jeanne doesn't sound all that credulous as she agrees that the granola bar was indeed on the ground the day. Peachy doesn't want Janet to go out as a cheater because "there's no evidence -- Deena couldn't convict you, even." Coming soon to CBS: Law and Order: Survivor.
Peachy promises us that after the commercial, we'll talk about smart, loser Rob and his keys to success. Plus, he announces, "It was our first deaf Survivor," thus belittling Christy even more than Jenna, HeiDDi, and Shawna did by referring to her as an "it."
As we go to commercial, we see Butch's "buddies" in Olney, Illinois waving around fake monkeys and snakes. As Rob encourages him, Butch does a half-hearted Egyptian, but it doesn't have the same zip to it as his performances in the Amazon did.
Peachy is now suddenly sitting in the audience, welcoming us back and reminding the audience that storms have been wreaking havoc across the Midwest. He points out that two of the S16 -- HeiDDi from Missouri and Butch from Illinois -- are from areas that have been severely damaged. He poorly puns that Survivor "caught wind" of a story in Oklahoma as we see footage of a destroyed house. Peachy tells us about the Williams family, whose home was destroyed by a storm; depending on how we look at it, they are either "interesting, funny, or pathetic." And I'll bet the family Williams didn't fly up from Oklahoma expecting to be called "pathetic" on national television. We see footage of a large man and his belly-baring, giggling wife as they stand beside the wreckage of their home. The man tells us they got their generator hooked up, the refrigerator running (Quick! Go catch it!), and "got that TV on so [they] can watch Survivor" To his credit, he's laughing at himself as he says this. We then see that he and his wife and their two sons are sitting right to Peachy, but more important, we see that Rudy is sitting right in front of Peachy. Yay Rudy! Peachy calls the Williams family "temporarily homeless," and thought they deserved to see the finale live from New York. ["That's it? I thought they were going to say that CBS bought them a new house -- or at least a deluxe vacation somewhere less windy." -- Wing Chun] And Marge is there too! Yay Rudy and Marge! Mr. Williams -- whose first name is, according to my likely erroneous notes, "William" -- tells us that their home is in bad shape and that they have a structural engineer coming out in the week to decide if they should tear it down or fix it. Mr. Williams says, "I think they oughta just tear it down." Peachy is glad that they're okay, and hopes they're soon on their feet.
Peachy tries to return to the stage, but encounters some awkwardness getting there, as he tells us that the shoot, before the storms started, was supposed to take place at Wolman Rink in New York. Peachy apparently goes through puberty as his voice cracks its way through explaining that they began rebuilding the set at 8 that morning, and that Dave Letterman was "nice enough" to volunteer his set at the last minute. ["Yeah, I'm sure that was all his decision and that Les Moonves didn't have to strong-arm him into it at all." -- Wing Chun] He narrates that they "threw up" the Tribal Council set, transported the S16, and that was that.
Peachy points out that Christy was "one of the most memorable" Survivor characters of all time, and that it wasn't entirely because she was deaf. Even though it pretty much was. She had her work cut out for her because "it is tough trying to play a social game when you can't hear." Not to mention when the people you're playing with/against are offensively, confidently, and inconceivably ignorant. He tells us that most of Christy's interactions centered on her differences from everyone else, but her letter from home reminded everyone that "in her world, [hearing people are] the ones who are different." We see the clip in which Christy reads her friend's letter calling her competitors "those hearing people," and advising that there was a "whole other world waiting for" Christy when she came home. Peachy asks how it felt to be in a game with fifteen other people who didn't care whether she could hear. Christy responds that it was "the toughest game she ever played," which isn't saying all that much: for a million dollars, it should be the toughest game she's ever played. Did she expect it to be less difficult than that raucous game of Chutes and Ladders back in 1986? Christy boasts that she improved, learned, and did "awesome." The sign for "awesome," incidentally, kind of looks like "raise the roof." Surprisingly, no one applauds this statement; the audience is probably still in shock and feeling slightly betrayed by her vote for Jenna.
Peachy reveals that there were several Tribal Council conversations which didn't make the episodes when even he was reminding Christy that she was acting like everyone else should help her, and that it wasn't going to happen. He thinks she realized at some point that she'd have to just play the game and stop worrying about "whether [she] hear[s], whether [she's] deaf, whatever." Christy says she accepted early in the game -- after Joanna was voted out -- that if she kept pursuing the game from the perspective of a deaf person trying to work with the hearing people, she'd get voted out. Instead, she decided, "Fine," which is a particularly endearing gesture -- kind of like she's throwing something away and turning her head from it. Instead, she'd just play the game and see how far she could go. She grins cutely while Alex fist-bops her.
Peachy isn't done with her yet, and wants to talk about when she got voted out. He points out that did indeed have the power, although it didn't last as long as she thought it would. He asks why it didn't work out, and she laughs, points at Rob, and responds, "This little man over here." Peachy's not having it and snits, "Well, I don't think so." He adds that Christy did have the power to control the vote, and Christy admits that she did, but claims that she wasn't willing to backstab, sneak, or "try to make sure the plan was really working." Peachy busts out the "You didn't even have a plan!" He points out that HeiDDi and Jenna approached Christy, but that she wouldn't give them an answer. He asks them what the result would have been if she'd accepted their offer, and Jenna responds, "It would have been on -- the girls...against everybody else." HeiDDi reveals that she and Jenna both promised Christy that if they made up the final three together, they'd each take her to the final two with them, and Rob jumps in to say, "All she had to say was, 'Rob, I'm in.'" Christy smiles speechlessly at Peachy's surprise attack. He concludes that her "indecision" knocked her out of the game, and doesn't that seem fair? She agrees that it does seem fair, but what doesn't seem fair is Peachy's assault against her when there are so many other condemnable personalities to pick on.
Peachy has to ask Rob -- because he played the game well and has a "handle" on it -- what he would describe as the key to Survivor. Rob thinks you need to know where you stand, and have a "working relationship" with the other competitors. You don't necessarily need to be friends with them, but you need to know where they stand and where they think they stand. Then, when you figure out that you're not "in the bigger group anymore, you need to flip it." Rob admits that at certain points -- when you realize you're not where you need to be -- you need to "lie, backstab, cheat, steal...whatever you need to do!"
Peachy recalls Thailand's final four of Brian, Clay, Jan, and Helen, specifically when Brian and Clay promised Jan the third spot if she agreed to vote out Helen in fourth. Peachy asks whether Rob, as Jan, would have approached Helen to go into the final two together, and Rob responds, "You go to whoever else is out there and figure out a way to get it done." If you're not busy burying dead baby bat fetuses, that is.
Peachy returns to the sex issue, and claims there was a "great moment" in the game when he realized the women weren't going to be easily defeated. "They were on the balance beam for a long, long time," he says, and thus leads us into the clip of Ryan and Dan's painstaking display on the balance beam. Ryan covers his face while Peachy points out that it was "weird" that although it seemed like Dan's fault, Ryan got voted out. Peachy asks Ryan what it was like to be on the all-male tribe and think you're the "hottest," and then be voted out first. Ryan -- with unfortunate, center-parted hair -- snarks, "First of all, I like the jetski thing...that was pretty cheap!" The S16 laugh as Ryan adds that his strategy was to not get voted off -- some strategy! -- but that he was up against a lot of strong-willed men. He says that as soon as they failed to cross the balance beam, he knew the game was over for him.
Peachy wonders whether everyone knows that Daniel left the Amazon with more than his wounded pride: he also contracted malaria. Daniel whines that it was the "most excruciating two weeks" of his life, and compared to that, "living with Roger was a walk in the park." Roger reaches back to pinch him, masking it as a friendly knee rub.
Peachy promises that, in the segment, we'll discuss Jenna and HeiDDi's striptease claiming, "They placed a high value on peanut butter and chocolate...so high, they were willing to get naked for it." We'll find out how their behavior was received back home.
An unsurprisingly small number of people, including mostly kids who don't know any better, cheer for Jenna in Cecil Township, Pennsylvania.
Back from commercial, and Peachy has reclaimed a seat in the audience, this time to a grinning and clearly adoring woman. He smilingly announces that there aren't many opportunities say "Happy Mother's Day" on television and concludes, "So, Happy Mother's Day, Mom!" Aw. Peachy's mother loves her dimpled Peachy.
And here's what's coming up on season's Survivor: the new S16 will journey to the coast of Panama to a land "steeped in a bloody history of piracy." We see shots of skulls, maps, and treasure, as Peachy prattles on about a hundred tropical islands and the blue/green waters of Central America, "looting and plundering," "ancient riches," the ruins of Spanish forts, sunken ships, and legendary pirates. Somewhere in the middle of this, a shark bumps its nose against a camera lens. Peachy continues that the Pearl Islands also feature many exotic and dangerous marine animals, including dolphins, sharks, jellyfish (ew), stingrays, and my early favorite: sea turtles. Also, while the S16 are in town, the migration of the humpback whales will begin. On the new season, each tribe will have its own island, and "the marooning will be unlike anything experienced by Survivors." I'll bet they drop from an airplane! So who will outwit, outplay, and outlast? The adventure continues this fall in the Pearl Islands.
Peachy assures us that season will be fun, but that he's not done with this season yet. He claims that people are still talking about one of the Amazon's most controversial moments: when HeiDDi and Jenna "took off all their clothes in front of twenty million viewers for peanut butter and chocolate." There's a very long shot of the competitors standing on their perches, before Butch isn't looking at HeiDDi's skin suit. Jenna gleefully takes it all off, while HeiDDi worries over where to keep her clothes, and fusses with her shorts-shackled ankles. Everyone claps as Peachy calls it a "great moment" in the history of the women's movement. Actually, he just calls it a "great moment," but even that is intensely questionable.
Peachy turns to Jenna, pointing out that she lives at home: "You got your parents." She can't say they're exactly proud of her, but she told them she was starving, it was already done, and she promised she wouldn't do it again. She broke the news to her father when he visited her in the Amazon so that "all the love and happiness to see [her] would kind of overshadow it." She then had him tell her mom. She can't say it was her "shining moment," but her parents are never really disappointed in her and besides, she says, "I love food!" If she loves it so much, she should try eating some of it some time.
Peachy thinks HeiDDi might have had a different experience as a school teacher, and suggests that it must have been tough to go back home. HeiDDi admits that it was difficult, but talks about her supportive family and the fact that she'd lost close to twenty pounds and looked "disgusting." And for once, I completely agree with her. Peachy wants to show another video, but she cuts him off to add that the act was not about the game but about hunger, and that once she saw the food, it was all she could think about. Peachy gets his video in -- a montage of thin people who started out thin and got even thinner. We see gaunt Alex, HeiDDi's unstoppable bosoms, and a couple shots of Matthew. Considering he's with Ryan in one of them, it's not showing us much except that Matthew was thin to begin with. Or maybe it's supposed to be a contrast against the shot with Matthew's ribs showing in the back, but it's really not a very dramatic difference. Peachy points out how much weight everyone lost.
Peachy turns to Deena, revealing that she surprised him at one point with her readiness to give up the game because of her hunger. She says, "And I came in with a boatload of body fat, too!" It's sad that this show forces average-size women to plead fatness in exchange for audience laughter. Deena recalls the Coke challenge her tribe lost and calls it "probably one of the twenty most depressing moment of [her] life." She thought to herself, "Forget this. I'm an attorney and I make so much money. Get me out of here."
Peachy returns to the subject of HeiDDi, who he thinks "took a long, hard rap this season." He's been looking over his notes, though, and tells us that her I.Q. score was "off the charts." He reveals that she, Alex, and Roger had the highest I.Q.s of the group, and announces, "You have a higher I.Q. than the rocket scientist!" He adds, "But HeiDDi, it didn't come out on the show!" HeiDDi responds that she's glad it didn't come out, because with an accurate display of her "athleticism" and "intelligence," she wouldn't have gotten far in the game. Peachy asks if she was "strategically" fine to "play that role," and she agrees that you "have to check your pride in this game." Peachy backhands her by telling her she did a great job of it. In other words, she did a perfect job of appearing both unintelligent and unathletic.
Back from commercial, and someone in the audience holds up a drawing of a red-haired woman. Huh?
Peachy tells us that fans can go to eBay and bid on all kinds of things, including the S16's torches and all six Jenna votes. It benefits the Elizabeth Glaser Pediatric AIDS Foundation, which Survivor has been working with since Africa.
Peachy then tells us that if we think we have what it takes to get on the show, "then quit talkin' about it," and go to CBS.com. Also, Jenna got her check on the morning's Early Show, so if you like to see ignorance, selfishness, and entitlement well rewarded, I hope you tuned in.
Peachy promises us that he has only two things left to say before this season becomes just an entertaining dream with a rude awakening. He asks Rob to show his Magic 8-Ball, which he says "survived Butch's fire," and when was Butch tried for that crime, anyway? Rob holds up the bungled and charred 8-Ball -- more of about a Magic 4.5-Ball at this point -- and says it may be worse for the wear, but that it still works.
Peachy thinks it would be good to end on a nice moment, revealing that all six votes were really for Matthew, and Happy April Fool's Day a month and a half late! Sadly, that's not the ending we get. Instead, Dan and Roger shrug and agree to hug each other. They then victoriously pump their first in the air.
So that's all, and once again Peachy proclaims, "Happy Mother's Day!" And we're done. That's all for the Amazon and the sixth season of Survivor. Say farewell to Jenna until you see her in Playboy, HeiDDi until you see her in Hustler, Rob until you see him pitching asthma medicine on a 10:00 AM commercial, and Matthew until you see him in the headlines.