Q & A

Previously on Survivor, Butch was on a need-to-know basis, and Matthew was gonna be chain. A chain link. You know, like a chain? Exactly! A chain! Alex and Jenna enjoyed pastries, HeiDDi was bit by a spider, Matthew happily ate a live beetle larva to claim the immunity, and Deena knew that Alex had to go if she was to stay in the game. But Alex didn't go, and so Deena did. Seven remain; who will be voted out tonight?

A backlit tree brings us to Day 28 at Jacke. The wary-eyed croc from episodes past makes an appearance, followed by a second, closer-up appearance. Matthew and Butch are out fishing. And of course they're out fishing, because they spend twenty-three hours out of every day out fishing. In the twenty-fourth hour, Matthew sharpens his machete while Butch presses his "Believe in Yourself" banner. Back at camp, the alliance of Rob, HeiDDi, Alex, and Jenna lies in repose, and HeiDDi pulls her buff over her eyes to block the sun. Alex proclaims the buff a "multi-purpose accessory," causing HeiDDi to lament that she's not yet worn it as a tube top. Jenna groans in excitement and says, "Ah! If you wear it as a tube top, I'll wear it as a skirt," confirming that they are indeed in seventh grade. HeiDDi agrees that dressing alike would be fun, and Jenna calls them the "Bobbsey Twins," which is a total shout-out to the TWoP forums. Not that we want shout-outs from Jenna! Boo! Hiss!

In an interview, Alex tells us that the game is working out so far for the members of his alliance, and that they're having a great time. As the camera pans over HeiDDi's unnaturally erect breasts, Alex explains that as long as they maintain the majority vote and "control immunity," they'll remain in the final four. The members of the group debate whether Matthew and Butch will catch fish today, and Rob jokes that one of them will "get fired" if they don't catch something soon. HeiDDi asks, "In three days?" because she thinks she gets the joke, but isn't sure.

As Rob goes on about how the others are "falling behind in their chores," Christy hovers in the background of the conversation. So either the others are so cocky that they don't care if she knows what they're saying, or they assume she can't understand and rudely conduct the conversation right in front of her anyway. Jenna joins in the mocking, insisting that Butch and Matthew need to get their act together. No kidding -- they need to get their act together and vote off these jokers! Rob whine that he works hard all day thinking of funny things to say, while Jenna claims to exert her energy on figuring out "really cool outfit[s] to wear to the challenge[s]." Alex interviews that he's enjoying the game; although he knew he would meet "cool people," he never thought they would let him hang out with them. Back in the group, Jenna announces that she considers the others to be her best friends, "not just here -- like, at home." Aw. That's nice. Nice and pathetic. She interviews that as an only child, she's very close to her parents, adding, "Like, I just sit at home and chill with them, like, almost every night of the week and just eat and have fun." Unlike Rob, anyway, whose parents don't let him out of the basement. Jenna adds that she misses her parents and explains, "My mom's not well. I left her." We see multiple shots of sad-sack Jenna as she voice-overs hope that her mother is doing well in Jenna's absence. HeiDDi wears a torn-up Flashdance-style t-shirt and explains in an interview that Jenna's mother has cancer. HeiDDi thinks it's scary that they haven't heard from their families in "gosh knows how long," and I think it's scary that she can't count to twenty-eight. Jenna wraps it up by telling us that although she still thinks about her parents, she doesn't have to as much, because other people love her, too.

Butch and a very veiny Matthew hack and gather wood before we cut to yet another shot of Alex, Rob, HeiDDi, and Jenna lying out in the sun. Alex tells us that, although he hates to say it, "it's a little bit like high school." He then launches into an explanation of how his group has the "luxury" of doing less work because they hold the majority vote. And here I was thinking it was like high school because four completely reprehensible human beings are inexplicably lording power over more rightful others! Christy, who carries logs through much of this episode, explains in an interview that she knows she's a hard worker, but sometimes she just wants the others to get off their butts and get wood or do anything at all, but "they just do jack shit."

Matthew throws wood around, while Butch looks over at his slothful tribemates. Matthew finds their behavior "incomprehensible," and points out that in treating him "like dirt," they've essentially guaranteed that he'll vote against any of them in the final two. Except that at this point in the game, it's likely that two of them will be the final two, in which case he'd have to vote for one or the other. Or kill them both, I suppose. We see Alex -- who may or may not be pitching a tent -- stand up, while Butch proclaims the situation "ridicoolous." I could listen to Butch say "ridicoolous" all day long.

Christy, Rob, and Jenna stomp through the woods toward treemail, which is revealed to be a billfold full of money. Jenna is particularly excited and tears back toward camp screaming about the Benjamins, so either she really likes money, or she knows there's an upcoming food auction. After Rob reads the clue ("Easy come, easy go. You're invited to come and play. You will compete to get some treats. But soon the offer goes away"), Jenna asks if it means they'll all get something, or if it's "a joke." Ha! That would be funny. In an interview, HeiDDi tells us that the treemail said "something like you're gonna auction off, you know, make sure you place your bets wisely...for food." We just heard the treemail and it said nothing like that, but whatever. Alex counts his share of the money: $500, and Rob announces that he's tempted to keep the money and "screw the food," because "this is, like, [his] life savings." Having acknowledged his own unsuccessful sex life, I'm sure screwing food is something Rob has tried. Jenna asks if they get to keep the change, and HeiDDi adds, "Ditto." And who says "ditto" after a question? You can't "ditto" a question!

The S7 arrive at the challenge, where a particularly dimply Peachy seats them on bleachers. He welcomes them to the Survivor Auction, but with a good deal less fanfare than he has used in years past. The contestants each have $500 to bid on a limited number of items, some of which will be concealed with covers. But the auction will stop without warning, so Peachy cautions them to bid when they see something they like and not to hold out for something better. Throughout this speech, Rob randomly looks to his left and right, under his seat, and over his head.

The first item is a piece of cheesecake, and Peachy starts the bidding at $120. Only HeiDDi bids, so she claims the cake. As Peachy puts it before her, he announces, "It's all you've ever wanted in life." A piece of cheesecake is all she ever wanted in life? I guess this is HeiDDi we're talking about. Matthew thinks HeiDDi would have bid the entire $500 for the cheesecake, as we see shots of HeiDDi taking teensy bites and chewing them up really small because they have less calories and fat that way. Jenna asks, "Good, girlfriend?"

Butch counts and recounts his money, which is amusing since he hasn't bid on anything yet. Peachy reveals the first covered item -- which looks like a beehive -- and opens the bidding at $40. The S7 jump in and Jenna looks like she's going to take the auction with $220, but Alex snakes her with $240 at the very last second. As he counts out the bills -- and what's the deal with all the bill-counting, anyway? They can't remember how much they spent? Or in the case of all of them (except HeiDDi) at this point, that they haven't spent anything at all? Peachy orders Alex to "hold on" because he wants to make him an offer, before revealing another, rounder, less beehive-y, covered plate. Peachy offers a trade, to which Alex responds, "Why not?" Peachy confirms, "You're gonna trade?" and Alex instead says he'll stick with what he bought. But his mind isn't made up yet as he adds, "You know, Jeff, you're just so tough on me here." He so wishes. Alex continues to flail over the decision until Peachy advises, "Go with your gut, Alex. What's your gut saying?" (Alex's gut is clearly saying it wants some more manioc, because that's what he eventually ends up with.) Peachy reveals that the second covered plate holds lasagna; the lasagna particularly excites Jenna and Christy, the latter of whom makes a series of frantic hand gestures toward her mouth. As Peachy moves toward the other covered plate, he goads, "So odds are what?" to which Alex responds, "I got screwed, but hey -- you never know!" As Peachy unveils the manioc, he says, "But you're familiar with it," and Alex unconvincingly says it's "all good" because he "love[s] the stuff." The others want to know what it is, and Jenna doesn't sound disappointed for Alex as she attempts to commiserate. Walking back to the bleachers, Alex groans, "Two hundred and forty dollars for manioc. I got screwed, but hey -- you know? -- whatever." Jenna seconds Alex's "Hey, whatever," for no apparent reason and then immediately launches into "Aw, lasagna. Lasagna, baby." Peachy doesn't put the lasagna up for auction, however, unless it was edited out because they couldn't show Jenna's winning bid -- puffing on a cigarette with her genitals -- on primetime television.

up is yet another covered item, and since the last one sucked, the odds are that this one might be decent. The S7 agree, and Matthew bids it up to $400, leading Rob to announce, "He doesn't care 'cause even if it's gross, he'll eat it anyway!" Matthew gets a cheeseburger with fries and various condiments. He extends his arms upwards as if praying and announces, "I'm in heaven." Jenna graciously tells him "enough already" and orders him to "move it along."

Peachy questions whose name came up most when asked who was the most honest tribe member. Butch clutches his answer to his chest before revealing that he voted for himself. Was he afraid someone was going to cheat? Rob also votes for himself, as do Matthew and Alex, while Christy votes for Rob and HeiDDi votes for Alex. It turns out that the tribe agreed on Matthew, and so he scores the sole point of the round. So although the majority of them voted for Matthew, the majority of them didn't think the majority of them voted for Matthew. Got it?

The question asks who in the group could never survive on his or her own, and Peachy comments that there are a "lotta 'Jenna's up there" as we see that Christy, Butch, Rob, and Matthew all threw votes her way, while she and HeiDDi both voted for Rob. Jenna pouts that she has no idea why the others would think that, and Peachy snarkily repeats, "You're using sex as a weapon. You couldn't survive on your own." Jenna claims that it's "personal opinion." So now Matthew has three points; Rob, Christy, and Butch each have two points; and the rest of the tribe members have one point each. Why doesn't it surprise me that Alex, Jenna, and HeiDDi have the lowest tribal and self-awareness of the entire group?

Peachy asks who most needs therapy, and everyone votes for Matthew, except for Christy and Butch, who vote for Jenna. Hee. That's funny. Peachy points out that Matthew has once against correctly guessed himself. The rest of the tribe giggles as Matthew announces, "I'm a lunatic. What can I say?" Peachy asks if he's bothered that others think that way, but he says that they joke about it all the time "and everyone thinks [he's] crazy, so..." Matthew holds onto his lead, trailed by Rob, one point behind. They look at each other and exchange shifty glances.

The S7 are asked what the tribe's majority response was to the question, "Who would you most like to see pose nude in a magazine?" There's definitely a Dog Fancy joke in there somewhere. Peachy is "very curious" to see who they'll say. As they reveal their votes, Jenna's eyes shift around manically as she tries to make sure she got the majority vote. It's not to be, though, as the majority of the S7 vote for HeiDDi, and HeiDDi it is. Jenna tries to smile, but looks more pissed off. Alex explains that he had a good view of Jenna "when they got naked last time," but HeiDDi was too far away for him to see. Ew. That's kind of creepy. HeiDDi giggles and gloats as Peachy asks if she's surprised to have been chosen. She answers that she is, because Jenna is "gorgeous." When asked if it makes HeiDDi "wanna strut [her] stuff a little more," she emphatically responds "no." Well, as emphatically as a babbling idiot like HeiDDi can, anyway. Jenna jumps in to deadpan, "She's. Just as. Gorgeous." So she just called herself gorgeous. It turns out that everyone except for HeiDDi and Matt (who both voted for Jenna) answered correctly, causing Peachy to hysterically announce, "Here's who got it right: HeiDDi, you didn't." So Matthew and Rob are now tied with four, and one point away from immunity.

Peachy asks, "Who in the tribe do you have a crush on?" Rob rolls his eyes upwards and back before closing them in anxiety. They reveal, and we see that everyone including HeiDDi guessed HeiDDi, except for Matthew, who went with himself. As Peachy proclaims Rob the winner, we see Matthew and Rob exchanging more furtive glances, further convincing me that Matthew indeed threw this challenge. I mean, himself? There are three women and four men in the game, and to our knowledge they're all heterosexual, so odds were already strongly in favor of a female player being the majority's crush. But then, the whole crazy thing?

As Rob dons the veggie necklace, the others applaud with varying degrees of enthusiasm as HeiDDi yells, "It's about time, baby!" Rob announces that it's the "best day of [his] life," or maybe second to the time he saw a girl who looked just like an acned Pamela Anderson at the Wantagh Mall. Peachy asks, "Who knew you would be the most in touch with the tribe?" and Rob majestically responds, "These are my people!" Peachy adds, "You are their leader now," before realizing that he's just rambling and explaining that Rob is no one's leader, he just won immunity. Rob is a happy boy.

On Day 30 at Jacke, Alex and HeiDDi bathe and discuss their mutual relief over Rob's immunity. HeiDDi scrubs her stinky armpits as they celebrate Matt's imminent exit, before Alex interviews that the alliance has decided Matt needs to go because he's such a physical threat. The camera cuts over to Rob, who looks uncomfortable at the conversation. Alex announces that Matt knows he's not getting beyond fifth place, and Rob asks if Matthew came right out and said that. Alex responds, "Pretty much," and he should know by now that in this game there's a big difference between "yes" and "pretty much." Alex thinks Matt will be happy with fifth or sixth place, and has just been planning on coasting by on his immunity challenge victories. He snits, as if Matthew is there to hear, "You should've tried a little harder last night." And didn't Deena say exactly the same thing of Alex last week?

In an interview, Rob tells us that tonight's Tribal Council could "signal" one of the most "important power struggles in the game." ["Man, for someone who was complaining about how arrogant Alex is, Rob sure thinks every single damn thing he does is monumentally important." -- Wing Chun] Rob explains that if he votes with his alliance, he assures himself a "solid position" in the final four.

We rejoin the group as Alex tells them that when it comes to the final four, "two of us are just gonna...you know, whatever's gonna happen is gonna happen." Rob wonders whether the game will get evil with people "cutting side deals and stuff," but Alex thinks they've been honest with each other to this point, so why would they stop now? Rob announces, "That's how I'd like to keep it!"

Peachy switches the conversation around: "Let me bring up something I'm noticing, sitting here." He points out that HeiDDi has a "star -- I think a star -- on [her] face," while Jenna has a heart. The girls giggle because Peachy can't tell the difference between a sun and a star. That Peachy! Alex pissily looks away because he wanted a matching moon. Peachy asks whether they think "tattooing yourself" with only one other member of the tribe announces, "I'm tight with Jenna. Just know that." But then maybe the whole swearing-not-to-vote- against-each-other thing tipped the others off first. Jenna isn't concerned: she thinks it's natural that certain people have bonded more closely with others, and she can't resist the urge to get in a little boast about the alliance, adding that it's not just her and HeiDDi, but "a couple other people, too." Peachy questions whether it's risky to make a "demonstrative display" on your face like that. As opposed to the non-demonstrative kind of display. Butch responds that he usually might think so, but in this case, HeiDDi and Jenna are "just together." He insists that, although "they're in there talking a lot to each other," Butch is sometimes actually included in casual conversations, and even on occasion permitted to "make comments."

Peachy asks Rob if it's important in the game for players to know all of their tribemates, or only those with whom they are aligned. Rob claims that the most overlooked part of the game is "interpersonal relationships," and not just with your own set of friends. He says it's important to know what's going through the heads of everyone in the game.

Peachy finally asks whether HeiDDi would be "somewhat surprised" to be voted out. She would, as would Alex. Christy, however, says that if she were voted out, she would not be surprised at all.

So the voting commences with a filthy-looking Jenna.

Mathew votes for Alex: "He crossed me once, I forgave him. He crossed me twice, I offered reconciliation. His reign is over."

The tribal trill sounds as whooshy sound effects accompany a flame.

Alex votes for "Matteo [sic]" because he's too big of a threat and so it's time for him to go.

That's all we see, and Peachy returns from arranging the votes for maximum suspense. The first and second votes are for Alex, followed by three votes for Matthew and a third vote for Alex. Alex probably still feels pretty comfortable here, while Matthew looks more curious than anything else. A final vote for Alex makes him the tenth person voted out of the game and the third member of the jury. HeiDDi is expressionless, while Matt rolls his head around to look directly at Alex, Jenna plays with her mouth, Rob hides a smile, and Christy grins openly. Of all the players, she always looks like she's enjoying the game the most. Rob may also be enjoying playing the game, but mostly he just looks constipated. In a rare display of sportsmanship, Alex wishes the others well, and Jenna silently mouths, "Bye, Alex," as he exits. Peachy concludes that, judging by HeiDDi's and Jenna's pissy expressions, the vote was a surprise to at least a few of them.

time on Survivor, the sun rises. Rob doesn't care about personal relationships, and Jenna can feel free to write "R-O-B" on her parchment. Also, Peachy stands against a very fake-looking ocean backdrop.

As the credits roll, we see that the votes came down as expected: Butch, Christy, Matthew, and Rob voted for Alex, while Alex, Christy, and Jenna voted for Matthew. Alex admits that he was duped, and suspects that it was Rob who "flipped on [him]." He thinks he played as best as he could and takes the typical sore-loser party line: "Apparently I was the biggest threat at this point." He concludes, "So I'm gonna go get a shower, get some food, and get some Shawna." Okay, so he doesn't say the part about Shawna, but you know that's what he's thinking.