Last week on Survivor, Ted did sit-ups and refused to talk to Grindia, causing a rift among the Chuay Gahn tribe. Stompanie snarled, "Piss on 'em!" after her tribemates voted off Jed. Sook Jai won bananas, chickens, and immunity, leading Grindia to try to rally the Chuay Gahn girls for a 3-3 Tribal Council vote. Helen was "betwixt and between," and Grindia got permanently grounded. Twelve are left. Who will be voted out tonight?
It's Night 12 at Chuay Gahn. Clay fusses with things about camp, and then a little mouse fusses with things about camp. Total Mr. Jingles shout-out! Or not. A stuffed bat on a string flies out of the cave and toward the camera. The tribe has just returned from Tribal Council as Clay tells us it was "very interesting" and a "shocker." He knew Jan was being manipulated by Grindia, but just not how much. He pauses and whines, "Why in the hell'd she vote for me?" This is followed by a shot of a typically gape-jawed, blank-faced Jan fumbling around. Jan has two expressions: gape-jawed, blank-faced happiness and gape-jawed, blank-faced confusion. But maybe that's technically one expression. In any case, Clay reveals that Jan's name has an "x on it" for future Tribal Councils, and that she'll be the to go. Jan concurs, gleefully telling us in an interview that Clay knows she voted for him. She says he doesn't forgive or forget, so she'll be the member of the tribe voted off. She explains that Helen claimed she would vote for Clay, but didn't. Jan says, "Her vote -- she can choose to change it -- and I think she changed it." She thinks she changed it? Ted yawns as Brian says it's been a long day, which has nothing to do with anything. Helen tells us that she'll have to live with the fact that the girls think she betrayed them, but that it was a "necessary evil." Casting the vote for Grindia wasn't enjoyable, but it had to be done. Helen adds, "If that gets me further ahead, then so be it." Shadows pass over the moon and the sky races. Fifteen orthodontists dial Information for Helen's phone number.
A happy chicken clucks at Sook Jai on Day 13. It won't be happy -- or clucking, for that matter -- much longer. Penny explains that the tribe decided to eat one of the chickens as soon as they woke up. Stompanie and Jake work together to kill the chicken as Penny averts her eyes in the shelter. Thankfully, we don't see the actual breaking of the chicken's neck, although we do see Jake's forceful twisting arm motion. Stompanie tells us that she held the chicken while Jake did the deed; they then boiled a pot of water and "put him in there." Jake plucks feathers from the boiling chicken while Robb slumbers in the foreground of the shot, which is kind of funny. Tinkly music plays as the tribe stares at the pot. Shii Devil looks impatiently hopeful while Erin licks her lips. And what's with the lip-licking, anyway? I'm frequently hungry, but I don't walk around licking my lips all the time. I hope not, anyway. The chicken gets stirred in the pot and the tribe continues to hover. The chicken must smell damn good for the tribemembers to hang around blatantly salivating like that, and they confirm that it does indeed. ["But once the feathers were off, why would they continute to boil it? Who eats boiled chicken? There's a fire right there -- why not roast it?" -- Wing Chun]
As they finally serve up the chicken, Jake announces, "We thank you forgiving you life, Mr. Bird. But boy, I'll tell you what -- you sure do taste good." Thus follows the mandatory close-up shots of feasting castaways. They tear the chicken meat with their teeth! Their lips are wet and shiny! Shii Devil -- who appears to be the most, shall we say, "enthusiastic" of the eaters -- moans sexually and tells us it was "sooooo tasty." It was "like eating leather, a little bit," and judging by the things she's willing to eat, we can surmise that she might actually know what leather tastes like. She tells us it was the best-tasting chicken she'd had in her entire life. While Shii Devil munches and sucks and chews and slurps and licks, Jake says, "It doesn't get any better'n this." The other members of the tribe don't say that it actually does get better: eating the chicken outside the company of lip-smackin' Shii Devil. Penny offers up the chicken's liver, and Shii Devil immediately claims it. It looks like a little ram -- horns and everything. In a disgusted confessional, Robb tells us that Shii Devil ate lungs, intestines, and necks while picking the bones clean. He says, "I don't know. Her easting habits are just...repulsive." And coming from the person who wrote the book on "repulsive," that's something. More close-ups follow of unrecognizable food getting sucked into Shii Devil's mouth while the other members of her tribe stare at her uncomfortably. And as much as I hate to agree with Robb, I would rather not watch Shii Devil, either. Because it is nasty. But then, I think all close-up shots of slurping, masticating, food-grubbing survivors are nasty, so it has nothing to do with Shii Devil. And why are they always so danged greasy-looking, anyway? Robb complains that Shii Devil licks her fingers before reaching back into the chicken while the others are still eating. He says, "It's just gross." We see Shii Devil offer Robb "some of the neck," which she claims has a lot of meat, but he "yuck"s and shakes it off. As Shii Devil gnaws on the chicken neck, she voice-overs that "culturally," Americans don't eat necks, hearts, and gizzards. We see her peeling skin back from a gray round ball, and I have no idea -- nor do I care to know -- what it is, before lifting the entire chicken carcass and feasting on the rib cage. In Shii Devil's family, the heart is "great eats," and growing up "partly in Taiwan," she learned that such things were considered a "great snack." She then boastfully announces to the others, "The neck is gone! I ate it!" Maybe if she were a little less enthusiastic about the whole thing, the others wouldn't mind so much.
Gong! Back at Chuay Gahn, Clay wades in the ankle-deep, muddy water in search of crabs. He tells us that if he could at least see them running away, he'd know they were there, but exclaims, "I haven't seen any running off!" He thinks they would taste wonderful right now, and returns to camp lamenting having found only one. Ted explains in an interview that the food situation is getting really bad, and that they're missing out on a lot of things. As he repeats, mantra-like, "We have to get fish. We have to get fish," an underwater camera shot reveals hundreds of fish swimming around a reef, as well as a more successful jellyfish oozing and ooching along while fish swim into it. While out fishing with Ted, Brian hopes that fish will swim under the boat and get caught in the fishing net, which is dragging underneath.
Ted tells us in an interview that he and Brian went out fishing to test their alliance. And maybe that's the problem: they should be out fishing to catch fish. Ted says he wanted to see "if [he and Brian are] still together." Back in the boat, Ted insists that they have to "have each other's back." I'm just not sure if Brian wants his back "had" in the sense Ted is likely to mean. Grindia sure didn't. Ted says, "I don't know what it is about you..." and his voice trails off. He and Brian agree that they have a lot in common and are committed to each other. Brian adds, "In the future also, too." Ted swears on his daughter's life that Brian doesn't have to worry about his allegiance, while Brian swears to absolutely nothing. Paddling along with his back to Ted, Brian doesn't look particularly worried. In fact, he's grinning in a very suspect fashion. In an interview, Brian tells us that "thinking before you speak and act -- that's extremely important," and he reminds himself of that every day. He tells Ted, "You need all the friends you get out here!" to which Ted non sequiturs, "It's so beautiful." Ted says, "It's so beautiful" whenever he has no idea what to say. Brian continues his confessional with, "I know I'm, uh, very low-key, very subtle. But very shark-like. Very swift. Move when I need to move. Speak when I need to speak. Speak only in fragments." But without the speaking-only-in-fragments part. Brian says his strategy is to be part of the majority however he can and to "win that favoritism. Win that friendship. And then keep moving forward." Back on shore, Brian and Ted fuss over tying up the boat, and Ted checks the knot several times before deeming it secure, because they need the boat. Because it needs to be secure. Because they need the boat. So he should check the knots. And then he should check them again. Because the boat should not, will not, absolutely cannot under any circumstances float away. Because they've tied it up. Ted and Brian bop fists and agree that they've successfully tethered the boat. That boat's not going anywhere!
The members of Sook Jai feel good and full. Penny tells us they're experiencing their first real day off since they've been on the island. They plan to relax, lie in the sun, and play in the water. Robb flails and flops around while the others wade in the surf. The cameraman filming this is clearly distracted by Erin's ass, which no doubt is infinitely more interesting to him than further ridiculous Robb behavior. Jake tells us that the four of them -- he, Penny, Erin, and Robb -- were out in the water "goosin' around" and "just enjoyin' the aftereffects of a nice chicken" when they heard Robb scream. We see the footage from the preview in which Robb walks in the water and suddenly gets sucked underneath. He briefly emerges holding his heel and gets sucked back under again. It's funny enough to begin with, but even funnier when you realize that Jake, Penny, and Erin don't even look over at him despite the Jaws-esque commotion. Jake explains that shrieking and fussing and flailing around is standard Robb behavior, so they didn't think anything about it. In fact, they only reacted when they saw that "blood was kinda comin' out of his foot."
Robb drags himself to the beach and continues thrashing around while the others realize that they probably should acknowledge him; they slowly walk over. As he begs them to inspect his heel, he explains that a wave came and he kicked, and "when [his] foot went back, sumpin' came and bit [him]!" He wonders what in the ocean has a mouth big enough to bite his heel. Maybe an annoyed tribe member? The others stand around while Robb freaks out, as Jake voice-overs that they wondered what to do and just ended up sticking his foot in hot water to shut him up. Jake ministers to Robb's foot with the claim, "The hotter the better!" Boiling, preferably. In an interview shot from an unusual fish eye angle, Erin tells us they don't know what's out there, but that it could have been poisonous or "lethal for Robb." Hee. Because lethal for Robb is different from lethal for normal human beings. As we see a close-up of the heel, Jake points out that it has "a nice purple tinge around it!" Robb anxiously asks, "What's that mean?" and Jake responds that he doesn't know, as compared to the infinitely more entertaining "You have four to six hours to live."
Stompanie tells Robb that his heel is "contusing," and he grimaces and drops his head back onto the sand because he doesn't know that all that means is "bruising." Ken's hair is all Vanilla Ice at this particular moment, incidentally. Jake speculates in an interview that Robb was wading without shoes and pushed off a stingray. As Jake continues to inspect the foot, Robb whines, "It sorta hurts, Jake. It sorta hurts! Please don't touch it like that!" With both fists clenched to his chest, Robb twitches and yells, "Dammit, it fuckin' hurts!" In a nicely juxtaposed interview, Shii Devil scornfully says, "He's like a little baby, like, throwing a little tantrum -- 'Ow, it hurts!' -- throwing a little temper tantrum on the ground." As she says this, she raises her fists and bops around in an amusing, semi-accurate imitation of Robb. Robb says the sting is the most "annoying" thing he's ever seen in his life, and Shii Devil continues telling us that Robb should be a mature person. She deadpans, "Just, yeah, it hurts. Okay. Ouch." Shii Devil sits besides Robb in her nicely pressed lavender shirt and Banana Republic hat and states that sea urchin bites really hurt. In an interview, Robb tells us that Shii Devil is the tribe's "know-it-all expert" on every subject. He is outraged because Shii Devil admitted she'd never actually been stung by anything other than a jellyfish. It's not like she put down his pain, so I'm not sure why he's so angry. Isn't she validating his reaction by calling it "excruciating"? Anyway, in the interview, he screams, "Well, then, how the fuck would you know? Shut up and go get me some water!" He cracks himself up for no apparent reason. I don't know if I otherwise would have been predisposed to liking Shii Devil, but it's hard to take issue with someone as annoyed by Robb as I am. As the tribe continues to stare at Robb's antics, Penny tells us that they have to worry about sharks and snakes, so being aware of their surroundings is definitely key. I'm not entirely convinced that caution could have completely negated the chance of Robb stepping on a stingray, but I hate him, so, okay, it's entirely his fault.
More night-vision at Chuay Gahn. Clay says something that sounds an awful lot like "Helen, aren't you supposed to be have your ass up over singing?" Considering all the random expressions he's used so far, maybe that actually means something in Clay-speak. Who really knows? Ted suggests a Christmas song, and then Helen proudly launches into an ear-piercing operatic rendition of "Sleigh Ride." As she goes on and on, Ted joins in by clapping and punctuating the song with grunts. The others laugh and pretend it's because Ted is grunting, but really it's because Helen sucks. And man, she knows all the verses, too. At the end of one verse, Ted exclaims, "And for Clay...and for Clay -- yee haw!" Helen's singing grows faint as the camera pans over to reveal that Big Betsy -- Chuay Gahn's boat -- has come untethered and is floating away. Big Betsy's got the right idea. I don't blame her if she's got to listen to Helen's caterwauling every night. After all, tonight: "Sleigh Bells." Tomorrow night? "Oops! I Did It Again"? Ominous music rises over Helen's singing, but not loudly enough, because I can still hear her. Finally, she finishes, which Ted thinks is "beautiful" and "perfect." Helen exclaims that she's "singin' it in the middle of a hot summer night!" Big Betsy floats herself right out of earshot.
Ted is the first one up the day. He's bleary-eyed and confused as he discovers Betsy's absence. He asks aloud, "Where's Betsy?" before groaning and sitting down, defeated. Brian stumbles out of the shelter and Ted says, "Betsy ran away." Brian woozily asks, "Who's that?" And either these guys are really deep sleepers, or they've been partaking of some serious haze-inducing indigenous Thai weed pointed out to them by the Red Berets. In an interview, Brian tells us that he had to think of who Big Betsy was before realizing "it's the big orange monster." Back with Ted, Brian opines, "The boat's gone. There must a reasonable explanation for all of this." Okay, Scully. Ted insists again that Betsy was securely tied. Suddenly Clay is there as well, stomping along the shoreline speculating that the tide must have "warshed" the boat way up the beach. Ted insists again that he tied it up, but admits that the tide might have washed it away. Clay thinks the tide should have just "floated the boat," instead of carrying it off.
As he, Brian, and Ted continue to search, Clay voice-overs that he doesn't know how they'll get water without Big Betsy. They also need it to catch fish, because they're getting "hungrier and hungrier for that meat!" As Ted tells Clay that the fishing net was lost with the boat, Clay walks away mumbling, "Boola, boola," and adding yet another expression to my growing vocabulary. Helen emerges , and Brian smirkily reveals the situation to her. In an interview, she laments that the boat wasn't tied up well enough, but surprisingly resists throwing blame around. Jan seems to think the boat's loss is more amusing than anything else. Ted tells the others that when the tide rose, the twine might have slipped from the tether. As Jan tells him not even to think about it, Clay makes an incredulous face. In an interview, he complains that if he had tied up the boat, the others would have blamed him, but that no one said a word to Ted. He insists that it's definitely Ted's fault, though, because Ted should have tied it up on the bank. Suddenly, Magilla the monkey appears, and Ted pulls the old "Look, there's a monkey!" routine to distract the others from the missing boat. Magilla stares at the crazy people yelling at him, as Ted asks Magilla why he's always stealing their stuff when they never did anything to him. Hey! Maybe the grinding on Grindia as Magilla, too! But really, Magilla has plenty of reasons to hate the S12; they're on his beach, aren't they? And they're singing, no less! Ted tells us in an interview that the boat is a key element of their survival on the island. They'll do their best without it and "just, at this point, have to hope." We see a shot of Old Betsy floating in a little cove, and then the camera zooms around the island to reveal the distance from boat to tribe. Old Betsy got far! It would have been pretty amusing if that boat had washed up on Sook Jai's beach.
The tribe is now back to looking for crabs, and Clay tells us that he never thought he'd get so hungry. He says that if he had the choice between sex and a hamburger with apple dumplings and French fries, he'd take the burger without a second thought. Jan suddenly appears on shore and yells, "Oh children, we got may-el!" Ted yells back, "'May-el'?" As the others encourage Jan to read the clue, she ditzes around with it before revealing that there's money tucked inside. She gleefully begins counting aloud in $20 increments. When she reaches $300, she yells, "I robbed the bank!" Under his breath, Clay mumbles, "I wanna know what that note says!" Jan is too busy trying to prove that she can indeed count. As she continues upwards of $800, the rest of the tribe gets annoyed and antsy to hear the actual clue. She shrieks, "A thousands dollars in twenty-dollar bills!" Because the denominations matter. When Ted yells, "American?" she excitedly yells back "American!" But it'd be much better if it was the Euro or something, so I don't know why they're so excited. Clay yells, "What else does it say?" but Jan is too busy jumping around and screaming, "American! Right here!" Completely exasperated by now, Clay yells, "Well, hellfire, we know that! What else does it say?" The others join in screaming at Jan for more information, and she finally reads the clue, which is about a "pool of money" and "lots to eat" and then goes all Kenny Rogers with the knowing when to hold 'em, and knowing when to fold 'em, and I wouldn't mind if some of these people "broke even" some time soon if you know what I mean. Jan shrieks, "I'm not bettin' a thing! I'm outta here!" and pretends to take off down the beach. As Clay and the others in the water discuss the meaning of the clue, Jan freaks out on land. She yells, "It's a gamblin' thing!" and Clay quietly says, "No shit, Sherlock." Jan screams, "Y'all putting me in charge of all this money?" and then starts doing the Cabbage Patch and yelling, "See ya! Wouldn't wanna be ya!" Ted looks away while Clay makes yet another irritated face.
The camera focuses on a golden gavel as Peachy welcomes the S12 and seats them with the promise of fun: the Survivor Auction. But first, he has an offer to make them. He orders the S12 to "hear [him] clearly," after which they may not speak or react for sixty seconds. When time is up, he'll ask their responses. He pauses for dramatic effect, then says, "Here's the offer: does anybody here wanna switch tribes?" A gong brings us to Shii Devil's face. She wriggles around a bit, then closes her eyes. Stompanie looks serious, while Clay looks amused. Peachy repeats the question and then disturbs the sixty seconds of silence with a string of clichés all about "forks in the road" and "chance[s] to change [their] fate." Time's up, and Peachy begins with Sook Jai. As the camera closes in on Shii Devil, she voices over, "Does everyone know? I hate this tribe. I wanna leave." She says she was "so tempted," but gives no explanation for why she chose to stay. Stompanie then tells us that her immediate reaction was "I gotta do this" -- she looked at the other tribe and really wanted to go, but just didn't. Peachy snits that he'll "take that as a 'no'" before turning to Chuay Gahn. Helen voices over that she thought about it, but decided to stay. If she were Jan, however, she would have "hopped on it in a heartbeat." Jan then tells us, "I'm gonna stick with ma [sic] tribe. That's the tribe I want. That's the one I'm on, and I either sink with 'em or I swim with 'em." So that's that. Peachy is glad that they have "two good tribes," but sad that he won't get his $50 bonus from Mark Burnett for causing more strife among the tribes. In my viewing group, we thought it would have been lots of fun if someone had announced a desire to switch, and in return Peachy had responded, "Just curious."
So there's no tribal switcheroo just yet, and it's time to move on. It's the same scenario as Survivor auctions past, except this time they are bidding as tribes. Each group has $1,000 in U.S. dollars; the auction will stop suddenly and without warning; there is a limited number of items. Peachy encourages the S12 to be greedy or conservative at their leisure, before revealing the first item: a hamburger and fries with "all the fixin's!" He starts the bidding at $20, and no one jumps in. Peachy chides them, "Don't tell me you're thinkin' about this at $20 bucks!" Clay says, "Hell, $20 bucks!" and throws Chuay Gahn's buff into the ring. Sook Jai also gets into the bidding, with Ken as their apparent leader. When the bidding reaches $120, Chuay Gahn bows out, so Sook Jai gets the burger. Peachy congratulates the tribe as Shii Devil heads down to collect it. Ted -- without an ounce of humor -- points out that Sook Jai didn't pay for it, so Peachy summons Shii Devil back to fork over the money. The tribe members suck up the reward, and Clay whines, "Could somebody please take a bite for me?"
The second item is a "big, cool pitcher of limeade." Chuay Gahn's in immediately with $20, and Sook Jai is still on a burger high, so lets them have it. They toast each other and drink the limeade. People winning and drinking limeade is not one of reality television's finer moments.
A mystery item in a small black pot follows, and Peachy will give the S12 no clue as to what it is. Peachy acts amazed at this point that Sook Jai has already finished off the hamburger, but they're sharing it between seven people, so he should be more amazed that Robb didn't claw someone's eye out for the last french fry. Robb responds, "That ketchup didn't even stand a chance, bro. It's gone!" The bidding looks like it will stop at $60, causing Peachy to exclaim, "Chuay Gahn's lookin' at a potential bargain." He successfully baits Sook Jai into upping the bet, and when they do, he can't swing that mallet fast enough. Hee. Robb brings down the money, and Peachy announces that their food item is "nicely seasoned, very healthy, organic, and indigenous." He gleefully removes the lid to reveal "baked grub." Robb initially passes on sampling a grub, then rethinks it when Peachy insists that they have a "lotta protein." Robb clarifies, "They're seasoned?" to which Peachy responds, "Yeah! And they're baked, not fried!" Except without the "not fried" part. Robb says, "You can't go from french fries to shrubs," which is true -- you've got to work your way up to the shrubs with a diet of leaves and branches. Seriously, I'm nearly positive he said "shrubs." As the tribe samples the regional fare, Peachy points out that Stompanie seems to like them; Shii Devil thinks they taste like mushrooms. Erin resists, but succumbs to Peachy's winning logic: "When else you gonna get a chance to eat a grub?" By her disgusted reaction, Erin won't be looking for that chance again.
up is a huge bowl of spaghetti and meatballs with garlic bread. Jan yanks Helen's arm in excitement -- so hard she almost pulls Helen off the bleachers. Helen recovers, then starts in with the lip-licking. The bidding begins at $120, and both tribes are in. Peachy tells them, "If you're waitin' for better than this, you're dreamin'!" Either it's been seamlessly edited, or Chuay Gahn skips directly from Sook Jai's last vote of $140 to $280. As Sook Jai pauses when the bidding reaches $320, Peachy comments, "You're debating while you eat baked grubs." He then points out that Chuay Gahn has yet to eat anything. Finally at $400, the meal goes to Chuay Gahn. Robb yells, "Enjoy it y'all," but you know he's picturing his hands around someone's neck right about now. Clay claims the food from Peachy and as he takes a bite says, "I got an Italian wife." He excitedly brings the meal over to his tribemates, particularly pleased because it's heavy when he picks it up. Slurpy spaghetti-eating shots ensue.
And now another mystery item is up for bids. Peachy debates revealing the surprise and, despite arguments from the S12, holds his ground. Once again, I notice that Peachy seems to want the good prizes to go to Chuay Gahn. When Chuay Gahn bows out at $200, Peachy checks to see if they're absolutely sure. Were the Sook Jai tribe on the other end of it, the gavel would have ended the auction five minutes ago. Despite Peachy's best attempts, Sook Jai takes the prize. As Stompanie walks down to claim it, her tribe jokingly tells her that she'll eat it whether it's good or bad, so it really doesn't matter. But matter it does, when the tribe discovers they've won the most repulsive-looking hot fudge sundae in the history of hot fudge sundaes. It reminds me of this picture on the wall at our favorite dessert place here in Little Italy that cracked my friend Simon and me up for about two hours while my husband looked on in disbelief, completely not understanding our hysteria. In the picture, a piggish, evil-looking boy hunches over an enormous ice cream sundae, except it's so enormous that it's gross, and also the child's mouth is open very wide. So it kind of looks more like he's just vomited this mound of sprinkle-covered nastiness, as opposed to being about to eat it. And maybe you're feeling right about now the same way my husband felt that night. It was funny. It was. In any case, they're all excited about the ice cream sundae, but no matter how many times I pause the VCR, I still can't make out a single ice cream sundae-esque attribute. Is there something solid in it? How does Penny eat it with her hands? The tribe proceeds to devour the world's least appetizing ice cream sundae -- second only to the one appearing in the picture at Vaccaro's in Baltimore.
Robb is very upset to see that nachos are the item up for bid. The tribes start bidding, and then Peachy reveals that "something else goes with the nachos." Diarrhea? At $320, Ken says, "We'll let 'em have it." Jan's eyes -- which cross when she's excited -- bug out as she takes a first bite consisting of all the cheese on the entire plate. Peachy asks Jan what goes with nachos, and she yells, "Beer! Beer!" Peachy tells her she's on the right track, which leads Helen directly to her guess: "Tacos!" An exasperated Peachy repeats, "What. Goes. With. Nachos?" and Jan screams, "Enchiladas!" Peachy by now has maxed out on the tribe's stupidity and reveals that they've won a huge pitcher of margaritas. Ted very formally asks, "That's an alcoholic beverage?" but he drinks it anyway, so I'm not sure whether he was hopeful that it was or wasn't. As Chuay Gahn feasts while Sook Jai looks on enviously, Peachy proclaims the auction over. Amazing that Chuay Gahn has won two lime-flavored drinks in today's auction, and not one them was Mountain Dew.
Back at Sook Jai, it's now Day 15. The spirits wail because the tribe didn't get any nachos. Penny squats and feeds the fire while the rest of her tribe slowly wakes. Erin squeals because she slept very well, and Robb says, "You can turn anyway you want!" most likely hoping she'll turn toward him. Or away from him, if he's anything like Ted. Stompanie distributes bananas to the other members of the tribe, as Penny voice-overs that Stompanie has become more helpful and participatory. Penny thinks Stompanie is concerned about her standing within the tribe and is trying to make up for her prior behavior. In an interview, Stompanie explains, "You know, just because I'm not runnin' out and huggin' and lovin' and touchin' and feelin' all over everybody...." She claims she's not even like that at home, but thinks the new "niceness" is because the members of her tribe are no longer starving. She earnestly concludes, "I mean, to starve to death will make you an ass. I mean, it will." Hence, all those darned, assy Ethiopians.
At Chuay Gahn, Helen and Jan find a scaly, sparkly fish in the treemail. It kind of looks like one of those Judith Leiber purses all the celebrities carry around -- the purses in the shape of a soda can, or panda bear, or Statue of Liberty. I'm not a fan. Helen thinks it will be funny if they tell the others they caught a fish; Jan thinks it will be funny if she wears her one-piece suit rolled down around her waist with a sports bra up top. I don't ask why anymore. Helen reads the clue to the tribe and Brian randomly spits onto the ground. Right in the middle of the group. That might be what they teach you at car dealerships and in porn movies, buddy, but it doesn't cut it in Thailand. Nasty! The clue, miraculously, mentions nothing about puzzling, but instead makes reference to a race, the survival of fishermen, "sort[ing] it out," and keeping the tribe alive. Jan wants to underline the "keeping the tribe alive" part of the clue, and then Brian tells us in an interview that Jan knows she's the to go. Although he doesn't want to see it happen, that's the tribe's decision, so he hopes they win.
Helen and Brian announce that they're going to fetch water and Ted's all, "But there's a challenge today!" He points out that they will have to swim all the way to the source, and Helen explains that they're completely out of water. Ted picks up the jug and doesn't say anything. And he really should keep his mouth shut -- or at least offer to go -- since he's the reason they're in this predicament in the first place. In an interview, he tells us that the boat was a major help to them. He reiterates that they have a challenge today, but will have to "suck it up" and get the water, which involves swimming to the hole and back. Helen and Brian set out on the trip. They don't swim particularly fast, but they are lugging large containers along with them. Helen first uses hers like a kickboard, then employs the "pick and apple, put it in your pocket" sidestroke method. In a voice-over, she says that there was some talk about not getting the water, but since they don't know what the challenge will be, they need to stay hydrated. Brian alerts Helen to the presence of a big, brown, blobby jellyfish. Yuck. He adds, "At least there are no sharks yet." Helen explains that she is able to swim, although she prefers the boat; her only fear is exhausting herself for the challenge. She worries that if they cut back on enough water, they'll get dizzy. Brian spits again -- narrowly missing the well -- and Yodas, "Immunity we must win."
A quick aerial shot takes us to the challenge, where we see two sets of four bowls labeled, "barramundi," "squid," "silverfish," and "travelly." The S12 march across the beach and take their places on their respective tribal mats. Peachy reclaims the idol from Stompanie, and proclaims it up for grabs once again. He then reveals that, for today's challenge, they're "gonna be sortin' fish!" There are two barrels of a "whole lot of fish" -- thousands, in fact -- which were caught locally from a fishing boat moored not far from the beach. Peachy explains that there are indeed four categories of fish, including the silverfish, or in his words, the "cute little local fish." The fish are on ice in the barrels, and I don't know if it's to prevent a stink, or so they remain edible for the crew later on. The show's on a budget, you know. As Peachy goes over the challenge, we see cheesy fast-action shots of each labeled bin filling with fish. Peachy reiterates that every fish must be properly sorted into the right bin. The losers, as we know, are off to stink up the Tribal Council. The winners are off to stink up their camp.
Sook Jai decides to sit out Erin and Ken, and the tribes are off -- back and forth, back and forth -- with the fish! Chuay Gahn appears to take the fish-tossing method initially, which is not particularly efficient. Ted stuffs an entire squid into his mouth, and then fills his hands with others. He runs to the squid bin and spits the squid into it. Soon, they all take up this method. Stompanie stuffs five silverfish in her mouth and then packs fifteen or so in her hands. Peachy grudgingly applauds her effort. Clay chucks a squid toward the bin, and conks Brian on the head with one. Peachy exclaims, "Nice shot, Clay!" but Brian is not nearly as amused; he scolds Clay for making him do "double work." Jan also attempts the mouth-stuffing method of fish delivery, but every time she puts a fish in her mouth, another fish falls out. Peachy congratulates Robb, who has sought out a fallen fish, on his "good eyes," and then tells the others, "You guys are not gonna want to dig around in this sand. Don't think I'm not watchin'...'cause I am!" We see that Chuay Gahn has taken the lead, and suddenly the Chuay Gahn bin is empty. Ted yells, "Check! Check! Check! Check!" I wouldn't want to be his waiter. Jan hits all fours and starts manically crawling around in the sand. Ted finds a last fish under their barrel, and places it in the appropriate bin. Peachy, however, knows that one fish has been sorted incorrectly and that it's "sittin' out there waitin' to be discovered." So Sook Jai continues sorting until Brian digs out the errant fish and relocates it. Peachy proclaims Chuay Gahn the winning tribe, and Ted commences with the God-thanking. Ted kisses Brian, and Brian pulls away, looking slightly horrified. Jake is very pissed off, and I would be too if I had to touch all those nasty fish for no good reason. Clay claims the idol for Chuay Gahn, and carries it back to camp on his head.
Sook Jai is back at camp, debating the finer points of the opposing tribe. Shii Devil asks which Chuay Gahn member is Stompanie's favorite, and Stompanie thinks they all seem really nice. Shii Devil agrees. In an interview, Stompanie wistfully wishes she'd switched tribes when she had the chance. She not only had a better chance on Chuay Gahn, but she thinks she would have had more fun, as well. She says that everyone around camp is "blah," which is actually one insulting word I wouldn't use to describe Robb. Stompanie also feels like the other members off Sook Jai are "out to git [sic]" her. She could be wrong, but she thinks she's .
Erin reveals that although things are going well for the tribe, the "only dysfunction they have goin' on" is with Shii Devil, who doesn't even know there's a problem. The two women sit side by side, while Shii Devil scratches her legs. Erin watches, winces, and looks away, before sneaking another look back. Hee. As Erin and Robb get water, they go off on Shii Devil. Erin says that Shii Devil doesn't think with her head, but Robb is most disturbed by her eating habits. They agree that she's "disgusting." Erin snoots that the rest of the tribe has manners, and Robb agrees that Shii Devil's lack of decorum is "appalling." Strangulation, on the other hand, is one of Martha's favorite "good things." Robb says, "She's a girl, too! Give me a break, dude," and wonders, "Who the hell would take her home?" In an interview, Jake tells us that he doesn't know what Shii Devil does that irritates the others. Robb then tells Erin that Ken called Shii Devil a "city girl" and claimed that they're all like her in New York City. If so, neither Robb nor Erin ever wants to meet another city girl. Which -- and I think I speak for the women of New York -- is perfectly fine by them. Erin says she can't wait to get rid of Shii Devil, as Jake continues telling us in his interview that he isn't irritated by Shii Devil because she's a hard worker. In fact, he thinks she's one of the "all-time good ones." Jake tells Shii Devil that they have many days ahead of them in the Survivor experience, because they are only a third of the way through the game. He insists that she can't let herself get down, and suggests that when she thinks people are "conniving against [her]," she should say to herself, "Man, those people like me! Look at 'em! They're over there talking about me. They're talking 'bout how wonderful I am!" Aw -- Jake's corny, sweet, and completely insane all at the same time. Shii Devil looks like she desperately needs his support as Jake continues telling her not to worry about what the others think or say. She chokes up and agrees when he says, "Sometimes you just wanna cry?" He kindly responds, "Well, that's okay. Cryin's good for you!" Again with the "aw." In a more composed confessional, Shii Devil asks us, "Which one of these things is not like the others?" as we see a shot of Erin and Ken wearing matching clothes. She tells us that she's the "only [member of a] minority [group] on this island" which isn't true, but maybe she means in her tribe? In any case, she's forgotten how different she is from the "mass of America," and thinks she sticks out like a sore thumb. Ants march off somewhere. Sook Jai members march off to Tribal Council.
It's sunset and time for the customary tribal trill. As the tribe members arrive and set up their torches, Peachy tells them the task at hand is to vote out another member. He calls out Robb for the "straight scoop," and asks his impression of the other tribe. Robb thinks they seem like "a happy bunch of people" who get along with each other. He says, "Good for them, man." Peachy then asks whether Robb thinks Sook Jai is stronger than Chuay Gahn, and Robb lightly answers, "For sure, without a doubt. Come on, bro." Peachy's ready for this one. He fires back, "'Come on, bro'? Who's sittin' at Tribal Council?" Robb points out that its just one Tribal Council of many, and that Sook Jai's still ahead. Peachy snits, "I'm just thinkin' you're not kickin' their ass!" Robb "mmmmmm"s and says, "We'll see what the future holds for Chuay Gahn." Peachy -- who's not letting him off the hook so easily -- snarks, "All I know is tonight's somebody's goin' home because you guys lost today. So. That is a fact." Robb responds, "That is a fact, Jack," as his tribe looks at him in disbelief for getting into it with Peachy.
Peachy asks Stompanie if she was able to contribute to the tribe when she was sick, and she says she was. She then takes it just a little too far by going on about how proud she is of her tribe because they weren't initially in "Survivor mode." She condescends that shelter shouldn't have been their focus, when food and water were a clear priority. She says, "They've come a long way. They're doin' a whole lot better." The tribe looks perplexed at Stompanie's amazing lack of diplomacy. Ken flatly tells Peachy that he isn't surprised by Stompanie's attitude; he says it was obvious from the beginning that she wasn't interested in helping with the shelter. Peachy asks who is willing to admit he or she was intrigued by Peachy's offer to switch tribes. Shii Devil says she thought about it, but really likes her tribe, feels comfortable there, and doesn't want to switch "at this time." It time to vote, and it's Penny's turn to go first. Yippee!
Incense burns inside the little voting shack. I never noticed that before. Strangely pigtailed Penny votes for Stompanie based on some "not very nice" words, as well as behavior "that a few of [them] didn't appreciate." Stompanie votes for "Shi," who she says is a "sweet girl," but then tells her, "You really get on my nerves!" Ken votes for Stompanie; he calls her a "beautiful, beautiful person," and wishes she hadn't alienated herself from the start because "then [the tribe] could have seen just how [sic] beautiful person [Stompanie] really were." Finally, Robb votes for Shii Devil: "Sorry, girl. You get on my nerves and I don't like bein' around you. Nothin' personal." And also, she smells funky and her clothes are ugly and she has a terrible haircut and she's a little on the skinny side and her name is hard to pronounce, but again -- nothing personal in that.
It's time for the serious faces as Peachy is "off to tally." The first two votes are for Stompanie, followed by two votes for Shii Devil. The fifth and sixth votes are both for Stompanie, and that's enough. As Stompanie turns over her torch, Shii Devil looks dismayed. The tribe has spoken. Gong! As she heads out, Stompanie wishes the tribe good luck, and Shii Devil says, "Bye, babe!" Peachy points out that they've been in Thailand fifteen days, and are just over one-third of the way through the game. He advises them to "think about it."
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time on Survivor, Helen "wouldn't classify" the men of Chuay Gahn as swimmers, and Ken thinks Robb has "some set of balls." Ew.
As the credits roll, we see that even Shii-hating Erin voted for Stompanie. Stompanie tells us she loved her time in Thailand; she graciously says she doesn't begrudge the others, and she looks forward to "being with [them] on the outside." She advises them to "be cool." And maybe if she'd heeded her own advice, she would have lasted more than fifteen days. And then we would have gotten to see how beautiful person she really were.