The Ocean's Surprise

Last week on Survivor, Ted did sit-ups and refused to talk to Grindia, causing a rift among the Chuay Gahn tribe. Stompanie snarled, "Piss on 'em!" after her tribemates voted off Jed. Sook Jai won bananas, chickens, and immunity, leading Grindia to try to rally the Chuay Gahn girls for a 3-3 Tribal Council vote. Helen was "betwixt and between," and Grindia got permanently grounded. Twelve are left. Who will be voted out tonight?

It's Night 12 at Chuay Gahn. Clay fusses with things about camp, and then a little mouse fusses with things about camp. Total Mr. Jingles shout-out! Or not. A stuffed bat on a string flies out of the cave and toward the camera. The tribe has just returned from Tribal Council as Clay tells us it was "very interesting" and a "shocker." He knew Jan was being manipulated by Grindia, but just not how much. He pauses and whines, "Why in the hell'd she vote for me?" This is followed by a shot of a typically gape-jawed, blank-faced Jan fumbling around. Jan has two expressions: gape-jawed, blank-faced happiness and gape-jawed, blank-faced confusion. But maybe that's technically one expression. In any case, Clay reveals that Jan's name has an "x on it" for future Tribal Councils, and that she'll be the to go. Jan concurs, gleefully telling us in an interview that Clay knows she voted for him. She says he doesn't forgive or forget, so she'll be the member of the tribe voted off. She explains that Helen claimed she would vote for Clay, but didn't. Jan says, "Her vote -- she can choose to change it -- and I think she changed it." She thinks she changed it? Ted yawns as Brian says it's been a long day, which has nothing to do with anything. Helen tells us that she'll have to live with the fact that the girls think she betrayed them, but that it was a "necessary evil." Casting the vote for Grindia wasn't enjoyable, but it had to be done. Helen adds, "If that gets me further ahead, then so be it." Shadows pass over the moon and the sky races. Fifteen orthodontists dial Information for Helen's phone number.

A happy chicken clucks at Sook Jai on Day 13. It won't be happy -- or clucking, for that matter -- much longer. Penny explains that the tribe decided to eat one of the chickens as soon as they woke up. Stompanie and Jake work together to kill the chicken as Penny averts her eyes in the shelter. Thankfully, we don't see the actual breaking of the chicken's neck, although we do see Jake's forceful twisting arm motion. Stompanie tells us that she held the chicken while Jake did the deed; they then boiled a pot of water and "put him in there." Jake plucks feathers from the boiling chicken while Robb slumbers in the foreground of the shot, which is kind of funny. Tinkly music plays as the tribe stares at the pot. Shii Devil looks impatiently hopeful while Erin licks her lips. And what's with the lip-licking, anyway? I'm frequently hungry, but I don't walk around licking my lips all the time. I hope not, anyway. The chicken gets stirred in the pot and the tribe continues to hover. The chicken must smell damn good for the tribemembers to hang around blatantly salivating like that, and they confirm that it does indeed. ["But once the feathers were off, why would they continute to boil it? Who eats boiled chicken? There's a fire right there -- why not roast it?" -- Wing Chun]

As they finally serve up the chicken, Jake announces, "We thank you forgiving you life, Mr. Bird. But boy, I'll tell you what -- you sure do taste good." Thus follows the mandatory close-up shots of feasting castaways. They tear the chicken meat with their teeth! Their lips are wet and shiny! Shii Devil -- who appears to be the most, shall we say, "enthusiastic" of the eaters -- moans sexually and tells us it was "sooooo tasty." It was "like eating leather, a little bit," and judging by the things she's willing to eat, we can surmise that she might actually know what leather tastes like. She tells us it was the best-tasting chicken she'd had in her entire life. While Shii Devil munches and sucks and chews and slurps and licks, Jake says, "It doesn't get any better'n this." The other members of the tribe don't say that it actually does get better: eating the chicken outside the company of lip-smackin' Shii Devil. Penny offers up the chicken's liver, and Shii Devil immediately claims it. It looks like a little ram -- horns and everything. In a disgusted confessional, Robb tells us that Shii Devil ate lungs, intestines, and necks while picking the bones clean. He says, "I don't know. Her easting habits are just...repulsive." And coming from the person who wrote the book on "repulsive," that's something. More close-ups follow of unrecognizable food getting sucked into Shii Devil's mouth while the other members of her tribe stare at her uncomfortably. And as much as I hate to agree with Robb, I would rather not watch Shii Devil, either. Because it is nasty. But then, I think all close-up shots of slurping, masticating, food-grubbing survivors are nasty, so it has nothing to do with Shii Devil. And why are they always so danged greasy-looking, anyway? Robb complains that Shii Devil licks her fingers before reaching back into the chicken while the others are still eating. He says, "It's just gross." We see Shii Devil offer Robb "some of the neck," which she claims has a lot of meat, but he "yuck"s and shakes it off. As Shii Devil gnaws on the chicken neck, she voice-overs that "culturally," Americans don't eat necks, hearts, and gizzards. We see her peeling skin back from a gray round ball, and I have no idea -- nor do I care to know -- what it is, before lifting the entire chicken carcass and feasting on the rib cage. In Shii Devil's family, the heart is "great eats," and growing up "partly in Taiwan," she learned that such things were considered a "great snack." She then boastfully announces to the others, "The neck is gone! I ate it!" Maybe if she were a little less enthusiastic about the whole thing, the others wouldn't mind so much.

Gong! Back at Chuay Gahn, Clay wades in the ankle-deep, muddy water in search of crabs. He tells us that if he could at least see them running away, he'd know they were there, but exclaims, "I haven't seen any running off!" He thinks they would taste wonderful right now, and returns to camp lamenting having found only one. Ted explains in an interview that the food situation is getting really bad, and that they're missing out on a lot of things. As he repeats, mantra-like, "We have to get fish. We have to get fish," an underwater camera shot reveals hundreds of fish swimming around a reef, as well as a more successful jellyfish oozing and ooching along while fish swim into it. While out fishing with Ted, Brian hopes that fish will swim under the boat and get caught in the fishing net, which is dragging underneath.

Ted tells us in an interview that he and Brian went out fishing to test their alliance. And maybe that's the problem: they should be out fishing to catch fish. Ted says he wanted to see "if [he and Brian are] still together." Back in the boat, Ted insists that they have to "have each other's back." I'm just not sure if Brian wants his back "had" in the sense Ted is likely to mean. Grindia sure didn't. Ted says, "I don't know what it is about you..." and his voice trails off. He and Brian agree that they have a lot in common and are committed to each other. Brian adds, "In the future also, too." Ted swears on his daughter's life that Brian doesn't have to worry about his allegiance, while Brian swears to absolutely nothing. Paddling along with his back to Ted, Brian doesn't look particularly worried. In fact, he's grinning in a very suspect fashion. In an interview, Brian tells us that "thinking before you speak and act -- that's extremely important," and he reminds himself of that every day. He tells Ted, "You need all the friends you get out here!" to which Ted non sequiturs, "It's so beautiful." Ted says, "It's so beautiful" whenever he has no idea what to say. Brian continues his confessional with, "I know I'm, uh, very low-key, very subtle. But very shark-like. Very swift. Move when I need to move. Speak when I need to speak. Speak only in fragments." But without the speaking-only-in-fragments part. Brian says his strategy is to be part of the majority however he can and to "win that favoritism. Win that friendship. And then keep moving forward." Back on shore, Brian and Ted fuss over tying up the boat, and Ted checks the knot several times before deeming it secure, because they need the boat. Because it needs to be secure. Because they need the boat. So he should check the knots. And then he should check them again. Because the boat should not, will not, absolutely cannot under any circumstances float away. Because they've tied it up. Ted and Brian bop fists and agree that they've successfully tethered the boat. That boat's not going anywhere!

The members of Sook Jai feel good and full. Penny tells us they're experiencing their first real day off since they've been on the island. They plan to relax, lie in the sun, and play in the water. Robb flails and flops around while the others wade in the surf. The cameraman filming this is clearly distracted by Erin's ass, which no doubt is infinitely more interesting to him than further ridiculous Robb behavior. Jake tells us that the four of them -- he, Penny, Erin, and Robb -- were out in the water "goosin' around" and "just enjoyin' the aftereffects of a nice chicken" when they heard Robb scream. We see the footage from the preview in which Robb walks in the water and suddenly gets sucked underneath. He briefly emerges holding his heel and gets sucked back under again. It's funny enough to begin with, but even funnier when you realize that Jake, Penny, and Erin don't even look over at him despite the Jaws-esque commotion. Jake explains that shrieking and fussing and flailing around is standard Robb behavior, so they didn't think anything about it. In fact, they only reacted when they saw that "blood was kinda comin' out of his foot."

Robb drags himself to the beach and continues thrashing around while the others realize that they probably should acknowledge him; they slowly walk over. As he begs them to inspect his heel, he explains that a wave came and he kicked, and "when [his] foot went back, sumpin' came and bit [him]!" He wonders what in the ocean has a mouth big enough to bite his heel. Maybe an annoyed tribe member? The others stand around while Robb freaks out, as Jake voice-overs that they wondered what to do and just ended up sticking his foot in hot water to shut him up. Jake ministers to Robb's foot with the claim, "The hotter the better!" Boiling, preferably. In an interview shot from an unusual fish eye angle, Erin tells us they don't know what's out there, but that it could have been poisonous or "lethal for Robb." Hee. Because lethal for Robb is different from lethal for normal human beings. As we see a close-up of the heel, Jake points out that it has "a nice purple tinge around it!" Robb anxiously asks, "What's that mean?" and Jake responds that he doesn't know, as compared to the infinitely more entertaining "You have four to six hours to live."

Stompanie tells Robb that his heel is "contusing," and he grimaces and drops his head back onto the sand because he doesn't know that all that means is "bruising." Ken's hair is all Vanilla Ice at this particular moment, incidentally. Jake speculates in an interview that Robb was wading without shoes and pushed off a stingray. As Jake continues to inspect the foot, Robb whines, "It sorta hurts, Jake. It sorta hurts! Please don't touch it like that!" With both fists clenched to his chest, Robb twitches and yells, "Dammit, it fuckin' hurts!" In a nicely juxtaposed interview, Shii Devil scornfully says, "He's like a little baby, like, throwing a little tantrum -- 'Ow, it hurts!' -- throwing a little temper tantrum on the ground." As she says this, she raises her fists and bops around in an amusing, semi-accurate imitation of Robb. Robb says the sting is the most "annoying" thing he's ever seen in his life, and Shii Devil continues telling us that Robb should be a mature person. She deadpans, "Just, yeah, it hurts. Okay. Ouch." Shii Devil sits besides Robb in her nicely pressed lavender shirt and Banana Republic hat and states that sea urchin bites really hurt. In an interview, Robb tells us that Shii Devil is the tribe's "know-it-all expert" on every subject. He is outraged because Shii Devil admitted she'd never actually been stung by anything other than a jellyfish. It's not like she put down his pain, so I'm not sure why he's so angry. Isn't she validating his reaction by calling it "excruciating"? Anyway, in the interview, he screams, "Well, then, how the fuck would you know? Shut up and go get me some water!" He cracks himself up for no apparent reason. I don't know if I otherwise would have been predisposed to liking Shii Devil, but it's hard to take issue with someone as annoyed by Robb as I am. As the tribe continues to stare at Robb's antics, Penny tells us that they have to worry about sharks and snakes, so being aware of their surroundings is definitely key. I'm not entirely convinced that caution could have completely negated the chance of Robb stepping on a stingray, but I hate him, so, okay, it's entirely his fault.