Last week on Survivor, Tom took issue with Lex Loser covering his own ass. Metaphorically, of course. Because it's not like Tom literallywanted to cover Lex Loser's ass for him. Because that would just be a weird thing to want to do. Sillies. Later, Lex Loser won immunity for the second consecutive week and then, after launching into a diatribe about gun control, Frank got voted off.
It's twilight on Day 31 at Mofo Maji, and everyone is asleep. Lex Loser is "killing time" making a bracelet, and Ethan agrees that bracelet-making is a cool pursuit. Lex Loser tells Ethan that the decorative aspects of the bracelet were "strategically placed." Ethan looks very interested in the jewelry and, as he helps Lex Loser tie it on, he is advised to "go as tight as you can on it." In a confessional, Ethan tells us that he's surrounded by people he enjoys, but that he still feels alone. The others may be his friends, but he only met them a month ago, so he holds back and isn't willing to reveal a lot about himself.
Lex Loser and Ethan check treemail together, and Lex Loser drones, "You've got mail!" thus confirming his connection to Satan's earthly corporate holding company: AOL. As they retrieve a book, Ethan says, "Ooh, a diary," but it's really one of those little pamphlets that is supposed to have a slightly varied illustration on each page, so that when you quickly flip through it, the pictures create a movie. Except in this case, they've missed the entire point by using words instead of pictures so when quickly flipped through nothing happens at all except illegibility. A single word is written on each page, and it's very annoying that Lex Loser must turn the page between each utterance. For once, being annoying is not his fault. The clue is as follows: "You think you know them and that they know you/ It's time to find out if that's really true/ For the winner, a prize that takes you away/ But that's just the beginning of an unforgettable day." Lex Loser suggests that the challenge is happening so early in the day because the reward trip will occur immediately afterward. Lex Loser is the only one who bothers thinking about the challenge at all, since he's the only one who ever wins any.
The S6 arrive at the challenge site and perch on foldout chairs in front of a wooden hut containing a television set. Peachy comments that, after a month away, the members of the S6 must be missing their loves ones at least "a little bit." He says nothing about their loved ones missing them. He smugly announces that he's personally called up their families and asked them to send greetings. He also points out that the videos might help the S6 get to know their tribemates better. The S6 are alternatively crying (Kimp) and laughing (Tom) at Peachy's revelation of the forthcoming videos.
Kimj's video is first, and she covers her face in anticipation. On the tape, a young couple cling to each other and announce that they have both good news and bad news: it turns out they're still getting married, but that they miss her dearly. We learn that one of Kimj's daughters looks just like her, and that her grandson may or may not call her "Kimpy." Kimj's husband says it's tough surviving at home without Kimj; the family hopes that she's having a good time. Peachy wants to know if watching the tape made Kimj stronger or if it made her want to go home. She says that getting her family's encouragement at this point in the game gave her new strength. It's about time she got some. Strength, that is.
Teresa bawls before her tape is even shown. Her husband wants to know if she remembers them; he reminds her that they live in Jackson, Georgia. Her son has been "blocking off [his] calendar," and he misses her. He's also been praying for her. The boy looks annoyed when Teresa's daughter says exactly the same thing, and then Teresa's father wishes her happy birthday before they wave goodbye.
No one in Ethan's family has hair as funky as his. They've just finished eating dinner and his mother cracks herself up as she says they're having a little trouble getting it together. His father enjoys this "one-way conversation" because Ethan can't talk back. Ethan appears to have two cute older brothers with equally cute, possibly pregnant wives. The family also appears to have one fugly-ass art collection.
Big Tom's father and son sit together on a golf cart. Both of them look more like Tom's brothers -- it's like some skewed version of Everlasting Tuck, except instead of each remaining his own age, they all grow toward the middle. Goats jump on the golf cart, and Teresa cracks up. Little Tom's accent is as difficult to understand as Big Tom's is. He announces that he's been going to the beach, drinking beer, and playing golf -- the "same old stuff." He concludes, "Over and out, big guy. Git your man." Tom's wife pets a horse. She misses him, but says she's been "riding this old stud here since [she doesn't] have one at home." Other than that grotesque imagery, "everything is going fine." Tom waves at the television. No one has the heart to tell him it doesn't work that way. Kimj notices that Tom's family had no more control over the goats on their own farm than Tom did during the goat-wrangling challenge.
Kimp's mother says that she misses Kimp more and more every day; sometimes she calls Kimp's voicemail just to hear her voice. Kimp cries a lot while her mother tries not to; Kimp's mother instructs her to have fun. Someone says, "Nice!" and it sounds sarcastic, but it's not. Peachy explains that the tape starts and stops frequently because Kimp's mother didn't want anyone to see her crying. Kimp says, "Obviously, I take after her," and by that she means with the crying, not with trying to avoid being seen crying, since Kimp appears to have no compunction about that. Peachy wants to know if Kimp's okay, and points out that Kimp's leg is shaking. She insists, "It's a good shake; it's good."
Lex Loser's son channels Sarah McLachlan, saying he loves Lex Loser more than ice cream. Lex Loser's other son is shifty. His wife is as tattooed as Lex Loser is, and says she loved Lex Loser from the moment she saw him. She says, "I can't wait to see you again and give you a big hug and kiss you and...you know...." And then she goes all Lex Loser crazy eyes and it's supposed to be suggestive and sexy but falls way, way short and instead settles on embarrassing with more than a twinge of creepy. Lex Loser's shifty son says that Lex Loser rocks. Just Peachy thinks Lex Loser's wife's confession is one of the most romantic things he's ever heard. Poor Peachy. Lex Loser says the tape was the best reward yet, and thanks Peachy.
Peachy then reveals that since the families were already involved with the video camera, the show decided to involve them in the reward challenge, as well. The producers asked each selected family member four questions about their member of the S6 (notice how close this is to the evil SD6 from Alias? I don't believe in coincidences); the player who gets the most correct answers will leave immediately for the reward: a trip to the Masai Mara to watch the migration of the wildebeests, which Peachy says is "one of the most spectacular things you'll ever see in your life." The reward also includes one night's stay at a safari resort with a real bed, shower, and food, and a private balloon ride. Peachy brags that the trip will be paid for with "[Peachy's] own, personal Visa." This is followed by a lingering close-up of the Visa card, which reveals that Peachy has no middle initial and a very unusual Visa number.
The first question demands each competitor's most embarrassing moment. Kimj answers, "Throwing up on you on our second date!" and most likely she is speaking to her husband and not to Just Peachy, as it might appear. Her husband says, "You might ask her what happened on our second date, but I'll go with a different answer...." and Kimj's expression changes from excitement to disappointment as she realizes her husband just faked her out. He thinks she should be more embarrassed, because she once disappeared during a party, fell asleep on the toilet, and "clogged" the bathroom for two hours. Nasty. Kimj threatens to throw up on her husband again if she loses the reward challenge by one point, but if she really wanted to scare him, she should have threatened to do on him whatever she was doing in that bathroom.
Teresa is shamed by a New York marathon injury because it caused her to take all day and all night to finish. That's so lame. Her husband is only slightly less lame: he recalls when Teresa spilled a whole tray of drinks on a first-class plane passenger. Just think -- they now have a most embarrassing moment in common: when Teresa announced on national television her membership in the Mile High Club.
Ethan remembers getting a curling iron stuck in his hair while styling it for the prom, and his mom having to cut off his hair. That is embarrassing. Hee. And so cute, too. His mom -- who may have no sense of humor -- cites a time when Ethan let in an easy goal during an important soccer game.
is Tom, who doesn't let us down. He says he was walking around the house in dirty underwear while some strangers were there, too: "I walked in the kitchen and met these people and I hadda little stain in my underwear." This announcement is followed by a few awkward giggles as the other members of Mofo Maji realize that he really is crazy, after all. Tom's wife sits near a giant poster of Tom or his son or his father, and says that Tom has never been embarrassed in his whole life, and thus she cannot answer the question.
Kimp fell off her bike during a triathlon; her bathing suit got caught on the seat when she tried to pick up the bike, and "all the other racers got a really good view." What is it with the topless bike riding on this show? In any case, Kimp's mother agrees that the incident was embarrassing, and Kimp is excited to have scored a point.
Finally, Lex Loser announces that he got a little too happy during a college happy hour, and threw up in the middle of his Human Sexuality class. His wife says he threw up on another student in college, and Peachy proclaims this a correct answer. But based on most of the college students I know (including the one I was), that could easily have been two separate occasions.
Peachy asks what physical trait the S6 each like the least about themselves. Kimj and her husband agree on her feet, because they look like they're covered in hippopotamus skin. Teresa removes her baseball cap to show her "straight, stringy, and see-through hair," but her husband hates her nose. Ethan admits that his family would probably say he loved all his body parts. His mother, though, thinks his legs are a problem. Tom hates his "har." If he could grow it over again, he'd have it down to his feet. His wife says, "He used to say he was a heck of a man when he had har!" She confirms that Tom's weakness is "lack of har." Kimp doesn't like her small chest, but her mother says she should really be embarrassed by her arms. Kimp throws her pen in the air and exclaims, "Oh God, Mom! Where did you get that?" Lex Loser doesn't like his nose, but his wife thinks the hair on his back is much worse. This is followed by a chorus of "oh no"s, but sadly no "No, you di'int"s. Lex Loser defensively tells the other members of Mofo Maji, "You can take a look; I think I got about six of them." So after two rounds, Tom and Kimj join Lex Loser and Kimp in the lead with one point each.
Peachy now wants to know the biggest fears of the S6. Kimj is afraid of growing old and not being able to do what she wants to do; her husband says she's scared of bungee jumping. Kimj points out that this was a matter of "wrong track[s]." Teresa's only fear is loss of a loved one, but her husband says snakes are a far more terrifying prospect. Ethan answers "fear of throwing up," and his mother very seriously agrees on the vomiting, which makes Ethan very proud. Tom thinks his wife will say he is fearless, but his wife cites what she says is every parent's fear: something happening to his son. Peachy points out that it's hard to argue with that answer, and Tom agrees. Kimp, afraid of spiders, is confident that her mother will answer correctly, but Mrs. Powers says Kimp's biggest fear is "being unfulfilled." Kimp wants to know if her mother is kidding, and Lex Loser says, "Wow, that's deep!" Lex Loser fears outliving his boys -- even the shifty one -- and his wife confirms his answer. She also includes herself, but Lex Loser mentions nothing about her and still gets the question right.
With one question to go, Lex Loser is in the lead with two points, and all the others except Teresa have one point each. Peachy tells Teresa that she won't compete in the last round, since it's impossible for her to win; even so, I imagine she'd like to continue hearing how poorly her husband knows her experiences, desires, and fears. The last question asks for the S6's greatest achievement. Kimj chokes up as she answers that her proudest accomplishment is her family: she's been happily married for thirty-seven years, and she has three great children. She then continues, "And not having any family of my own before that..." Was she an orphan or something? In any case, Kimj's husband agrees almost word for word. Eerie, but that's what thirty-seven years will do, I guess. Ethan is most proud of playing professional soccer, but his mom rambles on about his having competed in the state soccer tournament as a high-school freshman. Ethan is shocked and says, "Because there's nothing after high school." Which is so true, and the others laugh. Peachy points out that Big Tom didn't even hesitate; instead, he immediately wrote down three letters. Tom says his greatest accomplishment is his son and Peachy doesn't even have to play the tape, because his wife knows. She does know, so Tom gets a point. Kimp says that calling off her wedding at the last minute was her accomplishment, and acknowledges that it's a strange choice; her mother agrees, and cites Kimp's "solo trip to Europe." Lex Loser says, "Like Big Tom, I have no doubt." His two sons -- again, even the shifty one -- are his "crowning achievement," and his wife agrees. As he proclaims Lex Loser the winner, Peachy says, "Lex [Loser], it seems every time I turn around, I'm handing you something." He then tells Lex Loser to go easy on his Visa card. His Visa card. Got it? What is he, a college freshman? Peachy then reveals that he can't let Lex Loser go alone, and suggests that he take a companion. Lex Loser doesn't deliberate or give any excuses as he picks Big Tom, who promises, "I'll be the best date you ever had." Then the other members of Mofo Maji hug Tom and Lex Loser goodbye; as we go to commercial, a brief clip reveals Lex Loser and Big Tom skipping -- arm in arm -- through an open field.
Lex Loser and Big Tom clutch at each other and giggle, then resume running through the brush toward a waiting plane. Once boarded, Lex Loser explains to Tom that they're on an airplane on their way to Masai Mara; he says it blows his mind. The plane is very small and low-flying. Lex Loser tells us in a confessional that he knew, when he picked Big Tom, it would be a roller coaster ride. He says that "if anyone should see something completely different and really experience Africa," it's Tom.
The plane lands, and Lex Loser tells us they were "whisked away" to a hotel called Governor's Camp. Lex Loser wants us to imagine "the ultimate five-star luxury hotel just literally dropped right in the middle of a lush African jungle." He says it was like "the garden of Eden." It's a big tent with furniture in it. I don't know; my "ultimate five-star luxury hotel just literally dropped right in the middle of a lush African jungle" would have walls. But I'm a city girl. And I guess I'm a walls girl too. Incidentally, our Survivor-watching friends stayed at Governor's Camp last year, and report that one night's stay costs $600. I hope Just Peachy didn't go over his limit. Tom bounces on the bed and then begins convulsing with excitement. While Lex Loser is eating, Tom points out that they have their "own pooper." It's right in the middle of the room, again with the no walls. Tom makes satisfied noises and calls over to Lex Loser, "Hey, Tattoo!" so that he can make additional pooping noises for Lex Loser's benefit. Lex Loser, though, can barely tear himself away from the plate of food in front of him.
Lex Loser and Tom are then led to a muddy creek, wherein lie some hippos, causing Tom to exclaim, "Holy moly!" It is Lex Loser's pleasure to hand Peachy's Visa card over to the Governor's Camp staff member. Tom advises her to "be sure to git your tip out of it." We're treated to another close-up of the credit card as it's scanned by the credit card machine. Then Lex Loser and Tom drink fruity drinks and toast each other and eat pastries and crackers and assorted powdered-sugar-dipped delicacies. Tom tells us in a confessional that they've eaten more on this trip than they have in the past thirty days. Lex Loser doesn't think they'd be "well-advised to describe this place in all its detail and glory" to the other members of Mofo Maji, because they might get killed. He says it's "a crime" that the others are back at camp "cooking mush" and "boiling water," but he must not mean that literally; for my own part, I'm generally sad about crimes and not gleefully smug.
This segues to a snippet of Mofo Maji life. Kimp tries to joke that they're having much more fun than Lex Loser and Tom are on their trip, and Kimj immediately shoots her down. Kimp says, "You don't even care to joke about it?" We then see a close-up of Kimj drawing some sort of symbol on a piece of paper. Kimp says the boys are probably having the trip of a lifetime, and they're back home making playing cards. Kimj tells us in a confessional, "I love cards and I know lots of games, so I told them I would teach them some games." The others don't know any card games? Sad that this is Kimj's one opportunity -- besides the acrylic paints -- to feel like she's making a contribution on Survivor. Kimj says that the tribe is making the most of the situation, and then the Kims agree that they're most jealous of the food Lex Loser and Tom are eating.
Back at the reward trip, Lex Loser and Tom ride in the back of an open safari vehicle and marvel about the animals. Seriously, they're driving right through the middle of a herd of wildebeests. Tom says there were thousands of them: "They didn't know what to do, and we didn't either." As the camera pans back, it is an amazing sight. I don't know if it's thousands, but it's definitely hundreds, and as the camera keeps pulling back, we see the wildebeest-containing area growing larger and larger. Tom tells us in a confessional that the wildebeests are "crazier then hell" and "ugly as a girl [he] used to date back home." He is amazed because the animals are "calling each other, they're mating; hell, they're butting heads and knocking each other to the ground." It's the craziest thing he's ever seen. He then makes grunting noises and says, "They sound like me on a good Saturday night when I get home!" Except I've translated that from Tomglish for you. Lex Loser waxes philosophical about all the animals moving in tandem. He tells us that the safari was amazing -- he saw every animal he wanted to see all within one hour. They watch as lions yawn, and then they yawn along with them. It's cute, and then Lex Loser points out, "Even with big cats, yawns are contagious." They also marvel at a cute baby elephant as it scurries to get away from them. The camera pans back again, and we see that the truck is smaller than the elephants.
Tom tells us that when he and Lex Loser returned from the safari, they were "bubbling." This announcement does not, thankfully, refer in any way to their personal toilet. I think they should have installed a bidet in there, too, and let Tom go to town. Lex Loser points out a table with lots of different kinds of alcohol on it, and Tom calls them "spirits." He and Lex Loser share a toast to each other and to the game of Survivor; Lex Loser thanks Tom for coming on the trip. Tom gets the whiskey shivers and, for once, says something actually intended to sound like gibberish. I had to replay it a couple of times, though, before I figured that out. Lex Loser tells us that he and Tom both like to "tip a cocktail back," and that the Governor's Camp staff could almost read their minds. Lex Loser tells Tom he's never before drunk beer while sporting a mustache, and Tom says, "I've never drank [sic] beer with a hippo before!" Hee. Hee. Lex Loser tells us that when the dinner bell rang, Tom wasn't yet done with his bourbon, so he brought the bottle with him: "In fact, it was in his pocket." A fancy table is set in the middle of a field, and a staff member pulls their chairs out for them and announces that the menu includes chicken, lamb, and vegetables. The chef -- wearing a chef's hat -- is about ten yards away from them. In a confessional, Tom raves that his piece of lamb was huge. He says, "I'm a meat eater. I mean, that salad stuff is nice for women or something, but I like meat." He says the meat absolutely "met in your mouth," and I'm pretty sure he meant "melt." Lex Loser tells Francis the chef that the meat is "beautiful," but it looks damn rare to me. Tom tells Francis, "You da man," and orders him to "fix [him] another sheep!"
Back at Mofo Maji, Kimp hopes that Ethan is hungry as she prepares dinner. We see the mammoth piles of cornmeal, and she says she always hopes it will taste like mashed potatoes. That's what I've been thinking! Kimp says she's never going to eat corn again: "Not a corn tortilla, cornflakes, not corn on the cob, not corn chowder, not corn in the can, not creamed corn, not cornbread, no corn muffins, no burritos, no corn tortillas, no popcorn at the movies, no more corn. Please." That was an impressive run. Kimj, Kimp, Ethan, and Teresa pick at their food.
Meanwhile, Tom is all liquored up at Governor's Camp. Outside, it has started to rain, and Tom says, "There's not been a drop of rain hit my ass in forty days and forty nights." He adds, "I wanna get out there and put my ass in it!" Lex Loser tells us -- as if we needed the explanation -- that Tom came back from dinner and wanted to drink as much of the bourbon as possible. Tom asks whether Lex Loser wants to see a rabbit pulled out of a hat, and then he reveals yet another hidden bottle of liquor. Lex Loser says in a confessional that Tom was loaded, which made the night so much funnier. Tom tells Lex Loser he's glad Lex Loser "peeked" him; he then says Lex Loser would have been bored had he picked anyone else. They toast again, and Tom starts wailing a song that goes as follows: "Hey bartender fix me a toddy/ Old Big Tom wanna love everybody/ Don't worry about them crocs/ Old Big Tom got some stinky socks." He's completely drunk and can still come up with a better rhyme than the morons who pen the Survivor clues. Lex Loser says that Tom was really drunk, "so [Lex Loser] took [Tom] to bed." Tom hangs on Lex Loser as Lex Loser leads him across the room; as he tucks Tom in, Lex Loser advises Tom that if he's going to throw up, he should go outside. Tom proclaims, "That's the American way!" A sleepy Tom thanks Lex Loser and then says, "I'd do it for you!" He snuggles up in the bed, and just before immediately falling asleep, Tom says, "Damn right I would." Hee. Drunk and happy Big Tom reminds me of Wilbur from Charlotte's Web.
A moon shot reveals people fussing with lanterns outside Tom's and Lex Loser's tent. Tom tells us that when he woke up -- aw, he and Lex Loser shared a bed -- his head wouldn't have "fit in a warshtub." Lex Loser explains to Tom that they are waking up so early because it's "balloon ride time." Tom tells us that he drank a glass of water and ate five cookies and "it was on again." Now it's daytime, and they're in the balloon. Tom tells us in a confessional that the balloon's flames were "like a dragon." He also makes "whoosh, whoosh" noises. I think Drew Carey's missing a major opportunity if he doesn't enlist Tom for a special guest appearance on Whose Line Is It Anyway? He also says "holy moly" again, which I enjoy, and that he was almost that high last night. In a confessional, Tom tells us that their balloon driver was from England, and that every time Tom talked to him, the balloon would make a sudden drop. Once Tom shut up, the driver would react and raise the balloon. I don't know what the man's balloon-flying skills have to do with the fact that he's from England, but Tom apparently sees some sort of connection. The driver tries to explain his competency to a literally slack-jawed Tom. They fly over breathtaking terrain, and the balloon is really low. Tom asks whether the driver has ever crashed, and the driver says that the most dangerous thing is spilling the champagne upon landing. Lex Loser points out a hyena, but it looks like a wildebeest to me. Not that I know anything. But sometimes I like to think I do. Lex Loser and Tom agree that the way to see Africa is by balloon. By the way, a day's balloon trip in the Masai Mara, according to my friends, costs $400 per person. Lex Loser says the vista is amazing and left him breathless. As we see more hippos, the driver says, "They spend all night eating grass and then they spend all day in the river getting rid of it." Is he really saying hippos shit all day long?
Tom then excitedly tells us that he saw two solitary wildebeests (except he says "widebeests"), and that he thought it was strange because they were not with their pack. He says that if he were a lion, he'd take out the little one. He tells us that no sooner had he made that comment than a lion appeared. We see the lion chase the wildebeest for a bit. Tom says that he thought the lion had gotten tired, and then "here popped another one up!" He says, "That lion had ran that wildebeest into the other one!" We follow a series of near misses as the lion chases the poor wildebeest (or as the crewman in the lion costume chases the crewman in the wildebeest costume), but in the end, the strong survives, and the wildebeest suffers "death by asphyxiation" as very eagerly proclaimed by Lex Loser. He philosophizes, "Where there were two wildebeests, there's now one." Lex Loser, Tom, and the balloon driver agree that witnessing the kill was "a treat" and "fantastic" and "rare." They then high-five each other. Tom tells us in a confessional that his mind has been "a pretty little old tight thing" and hasn't much been "expanded" in his lifetime, but that Africa has given him exposure. He thought he'd done a lot at the age of forty-five but he found out he hadn't done "diddly." The trip has showed him that there's more to life "than just what's over around the corner at the house." Lex Loser tells us that returning to camp will be miserable, and that he's feeling sick about it. He says that since he plans to be the "last man standing," he needs to get back on his game.
At Mofo Maji, Kimj is instructing the others in a card game. Teresa and Ethan wave at the plane as it rumbles overhead; then Ethan tells us in a confessional that they were just pretending to be really excited. Really, he says, they were hoping the others wouldn't return "bundles of energy," because they were on completely different wavelengths. He says that he, Kimp, Kimj, and Teresa were struggling, depressed, and "hoping [they] could go to sleep." Kimj tells us that Tom and Lex Loser "very subtly and slowly" explained their adventures in the Masai Mara, which sounded wonderful to her. Lex Loser announces, "I know how rich people vacation in Africa now," which doesn't seem so much like the non-boastful approach he had planned. We then see Tom enthusiastically describing the zigzagging of the soon-to-be-no-more wildebeest. Teresa tells us that it was neat to hear about their adventures, but that her mind is going in different directions. She says that now she's not "boggling" herself down so much about strategy anymore, but instead is just "holdin' out to see what happens with the immunity challenge."
Now we're at the challenge and we're clueless, and I don't mean that in a figurative way. It's not that we don't have a clue, but that they don't get a clue -- we've been spared the challenge treemail poem. Pots, with the names of the S6 on them, are suspended from strings. We get a stupid quick visual of a pot breaking that probably cost $50,000 to film and edit. Peachy tells us that today's challenge is different than those of the past: the winner will claim victory by eliminating the others. There are eighteen hanging pots, three for each of the S6. Peachy says, "As long as you have a pot hanging, you're still in the game. When the pots are gone, so are you." He points out brown sticks, which are traditional African weapons called "ringas," and says, "A skilled warrior can crack a skull with one of these." In the background, a couple of Masai tribe members skulk by; then Charles or Isaac throws a ringa, and the pot shatters.
The game begins, and there are lots of misses as the members of the S6 attempt to get the hang of it. Tom nails a Teresa pot, and she whines, "That hurts." There are more misses, and then Tom gets a Kimp pot, as well. Kimp looks pissed off and says, "I'm not talking to you." Tom gets the third pot of the game -- a Lex Loser -- and Lex Loser sounds shocked as he says, "You hit me, Tom!" One stick gets stuck in a pot. It was funnier than it sounds. Kimj proves her total lack of worth by taking out one of her own pots. She tries to say that the pot didn't actually fall, but the camera shows that it is shattered on the ground, so I'm not sure what she's talking about. Peachy happily proclaims it "dead." Ethan takes out another Kimp and earnestly says, "Sorry, Kimmy," but she's not having that apology either and answers, "Whatever." , Ethan and Tom simultaneously each take out Teresa's remaining two pots, so she's out of the game. Then Lex Loser follows by taking out a Kimp pot, so she's out, too. Man, this is harsh on the Samburus. As he rotates in front of one of Tom's pots, Ethan jokes that Tom is going down, but Lex Loser knocks out an Ethan pot instead, and nearly knocks himself out while doing so. Kimj gets one of Tom's, and Tom gets one of Ethan's, leaving Ethan with one remaining pot while the others each have two. Lex Loser takes out a Kimj pot; Ethan takes out a Lex Loser pot; and then Tom takes Ethan out of the game. Ethan jokingly stomps around and pretends to kick Tom. Tom makes grunting noises and gestures like he's humping something. Tom gets another Kimj, but this time it does hang on; she calls Tom a rat for hitting it anyway. And finally, an immunity-free Lex Loser! Tom takes him out, so Lex Loser is remanded to the loser bench. It's cute that when a player gets knocked out of the game, the others all move over to accommodate him instead of just making him sit on the other side. It's also a little strange. It's down to one Kimj pot and two Tom pots. They both get a hit at the same time, but Tom is the victor because he still has one pot remaining. Tom shakes hands with Kimj; then he gets more comfortable and hugs her; then gets even more comfortable and pats her butt. He tells Peachy that every dog has his day, and every dog gets its own immunity dog collar, as well. Peachy brings Big Tom down a notch by saying of the immunity dog collar, "Let's see if this'll fit around your neck." Lex Loser tells Peachy to watch "Buster the Boil" as he puts the necklace on Tom. People seem happy for Tom. Maybe I'm just happy for him -- I don't really care if they're happy or not.
At Mofo Maji, the camp's skull is now wearing the immunity dog collar. The S6 make a strike on their homemade calendar; they are happy that it's Day 33, and that there are only seven days left. Ethan marvels every day that he's almost reached the end of the game -- he says it's really exciting and he doesn't want to screw anything up. Tom explains that, as the wearer of the immunity dog collar, no one can vote against him in Tribal Council, and that he'll still be in the game tomorrow. Shots of Mofo Maji members' plotty faces are accompanied by ominous drum beats. In a confessional, Lex Loser tells us that Teresa has "a lot of fire in her belly" and that "there's nothing more dangerous than a desperate animal." He thinks she's desperate enough to try anything. We then see Teresa and Kimj talking; Teresa says she doesn't want to see the guys come down to the end, and Kimj agrees. Teresa tells Kimj that if she comes down to the final two with any of the men, the other person will win. Kimj tries to act like she already knew that. Teresa, it turns out, seeks to be in the final two with Kimj. Kimj tells us in a confessional that Teresa wants to round up the girls, along with Big Tom, in order to vote off Lex Loser. Kimj counts out their potential numbers, and then Teresa reinforces again that they want to vote off Lex Loser. Kimj doesn't know whether Tom will vote against Lex Loser, and Teresa appears confident that they have Tom's vote. Teresa tells us in a confessional that they can get Lex Loser off if they just find one more ally. She says it's the time when you have to start thinking about "who you wanna go to the end with and who you want off." Teresa and Kimj continue their conversation: Kimj says she's not stupid, and that the plan "sounds good." As we see Tom don the dog collar, he tells us in a confessional that if he lived to be one hundred, he couldn't thank Lex Loser enough for the trip to the Masai Mara; nevertheless, he's still irritated with Lex Loser over the Brandon issue. Tom says that Lex Loser betrayed him; he also says that Lex Loser is aware of Tom's feelings on the issue.
The tribe arrives at Tribal Council, and the jury parades in. Brandon is wearing an African sarong of some sort; he may also be wearing the same shiny black Contempo Casuals muscle shirt as Kelly. Peachy points out that it's been a big week for Tom, having both won the immunity challenge and gone to the Masai Mara. Tom says he doesn't have time to say how glorious a trip it was. Nor, we know, does he have the words. Instead, he just says it was the best two days of his life, and that he can't repay Lex Loser. He uses the same expression he used earlier in his confessional, about living to be one hundred. Lex Loser says that the trip with Tom was "a blast," and that there was "never a dull moment."
Peachy suddenly wants to play word association games with the members of Mofo Maji. He'll ask a question, and they'll say the first word that comes to mind. Peachy asks what comes up when they think of home; Ethan says "couch." Teresa misses her children. Kimj misses the "ability to be totally relaxed," Lex Loser misses his family, and Kimp misses her mom. Tom very earnestly misses a "cheeseburger." Peachy points out that "with the exception of Big Tom," their answers were all about family. For the record, Ethan's answer wasn't about family, either. In any case, Peachy wants to know if their families will be proud of them. Kimp says she's never even camped before, so she knows they will be proud that she lasted thirty-three days. Peachy wants to know if Tom is proud of himself. Tom snickers and shoots an embarrassed sideways glance at Lex Loser as he says, "Maybe me and Lex Loser had a moment or two that I might cringe a little. I don't remember that much about it." From what I've heard of the Survivor Insider, he and Lex Loser had quite an evening -- an evening that would have, in fact, sent chills down Ethan's spine -- but I have no idea why they left out what would have been very entertaining footage. I won't hold my breath for it to show up in any of the "specials," though. Other than his drunken escapade, Tom has no regrets. Teresa says she wouldn't have built such a strong alliance at the beginning of the game because it caused a lot of "friction," and Kimj thinks she played the game the way she "run[s] her life." Ethan likes the way he's been playing; he's had a lot of fun and he's been doing well, but he knows that could change at any moment. Peachy points out that Lex Loser has had immunity for a while and wants to know how Lex Loser feels, being vulnerable now. Lex Loser concedes that he might be a target, and says he knows from receiving prior votes what it's like to "almost be taking that walk of shame." He thinks that's what the game is about, though, and says he'll try to get through it.
We don't see who Lex Loser votes for, but he says that this is the part of the game he hates: voting off someone he really cares about. He's "really stoked" that whoever it is made it this far. Teresa votes for Lex Loser and says he's a strong competitor and she's "still crazy about [him], though." The S6 all look very serious as they vote, and we don't see or hear what anyone else has to say.
Peachy returns with the vote urn and reads the results. The first two votes are for Lex Loser, and if this is supposed to create suspense, it fails miserably. Actually, it gets me every time, but in retrospect I know it shouldn't. The remainder of the votes are for Kimp. She smiles prettily; clearly, she knew this was inevitable. Lex Loser and Teresa both look disconcerted. Teresa winks at her, and Kimp waves goodbye. She has a very fashionable sack in which to carry out her belongings.
week, an elephant shits in Mofo Maji's bathing pond. Lex Loser talks some more about throat-cutting.
Kimp tells us that Survivor was a "heck of a game," and that she can't describe it in detail. She says she gained courage and "inner strength"; if she'd said "inner poise," it would have been very Bridget Jones-esque of her. She's thankful for having had the opportunity, and she hopes it changed her for the good. Then she heads off to sign her Playboy contract immediately.