“ As far as I can tell, this 'special' clips DVD is the result of the work of a 'special' editor. Or a team of third-graders on a gleeful cutting-and- pasting spree. ”
Sense has no role in this show. Reason has no role in this show. It won't benefit you to anticipate anything great, outrageous, or even particularly new in this show. As far as I can tell, this "special" clips DVD is the result of the work of a "special" editor. Or a team of third-graders on a gleeful cutting-and-pasting spree.
The show opens with Elisabeth telling the camera how hard it is out there. Saddling up her high horse, she challenges critics to "give it a go," and says she doesn't give them more than two days. Tina tells us that the thought of hardships "crossed her mind" while considering whether or not to do the show. She says it's "a joke" that people believe the competitors are given food. But they were given food. We all witnessed -- no matter how much we try to block it -- the Outback food auction. Tina tells us that Survivor was the hardest thing she has ever done, and that she would never do it again. That's easy to say with a million dollars in your back pocket. She's in her Survivor-wear during this confessional, so it's not clear whether this was shot during or after the competition. During these confessionals, we see shots of the military plane which deposited the cast into the Outback. Colby then tells us that "being a Survivor means being a jack of all trades, ace of none." He says you don't have to be the best, "just pretty damn good." Peachy drones on about the plane ride; this is taken directly from the first episode. If you don't know by now, the premise of the game is "42 days, 16 people, 1 Survivor." If you already know, and if you know it as well as I do, my sympathies to you. We proceed to rehash the first moments of the first episode. It looks good here for chronology, but then it all gets shot to hell. It is kind of neat to see the competitors at the very beginning before we knew anything about them, but if I wanted that, I could have just watched the summer reruns and not forked over $11.49. Elisabeth and Mitchell barf.
Survivor Season Two -- The Australian Outback: The Greatest & Most Outrageous Moments
Peachy tells us that, in this show, we'll see highlights, audition tapes, and "never-before-seen" clips from the Outback. We learn that the rules dictated that the contestants could not talk until they were abandoned in Australia. This, obviously, was to prevent any of them from talking to Jerri and immediately bailing out. As each tribe plays Barney and proceeds to love each other and you and me, we learn about Kucha and Ogakor. Really, in an aggressive and deceitful game like this, who would want to be a kangaroo? Sure, those pouches are pretty funky, but still. We see an extended montage of Kucha struggling with their heavy stuff. We heard it all the first time, so I'll just sum it up: the dumb and the righteous got stuck hauling the gear. Then, in a completely original, provocative, and illuminating new clip, we see a thirsty Kimmi guzzle water running off the spout of the tribe's canteen. Michael says, "That was a beautiful sight." Yuck. Oh yeah, and yuck. Elisabeth guzzles too, but Rodger drinks directly from the spout, saying, "I'm from Kentucky. I put my mouth up on the jar." Hee. I miss my grandpa boyfriend. He tells us he's upset because he's carrying fifty to sixty pounds, and is "no spring chicken." He's my favorite chicken, though. It turns out that Kucha tried many different ways to carry their supplies to camp, and finally scientifically concluded a superior method: dragging. I could hear the collective ooh-ing and ahh-ing across America as I watched this. We don't see any bits of camp-bound Ogakor -- they probably rode the bus with Peachy because he was working it with Jerri. Kimmi tells us that arriving at their new home was a moment of ecstasy. Whoever edited this show was having a "moment" of ecstasy too.
Suddenly we're viewing Debb's audition tape. She says that she lives for competition, and that Survivor is everything she's ever wanted. Except for her stepson. It's really hard not to go there. Debb says that she works at a prison, and that all the prisoners are rooting for her. She then says that one of her better qualities is the ability to get along with anyone. Anyone, that is, except...well, everyone. Back at Kucha camp, there's a rumor in the air about Debb. I originally thought the others had somehow discovered her illicit love child of a different sort, but it's something far more scandalous than that: Debb farts. Not only does she fart, but she denies having done so. Debb is upset at being picked on, and doesn't want to say the word "fart." She wants to know why it's wrong to be modest, which is not a word I would have thought to use in relation to Debb. Jeff has some serious love handles here. Kucha discovers their first clue, and the thing you know, they're at Tribal Council. The who? The what? All the Kucha members vote off Debb. We already knew that. We also knew that she didn't gel with the "group dynamic." I think Burnett was using subliminal messages as the tribe slept, because they all use those words. Really, they voted her off because she wouldn't own up to a fart. In her exit interview, Debb says that she didn't like Kimmi because of "what she did to" Debb. If you're excited to learn the dirty dirt on what Kimmi did, you'll never know, so just let it go and move on with your life as best you can.
“ Mitchell liked to call Kel 'Kelly.' We like to call Mitchell 'Bitchell' or 'Snitchell.' Or even 'Eat a Sandwichell.' ”
Now, it's the B.J. incident. No, not that B.J. incident. It's jerky time! We rehash the Great Beef Jerky Débacle, and then segue into Kel's audition tape. Looking typically self-important, he says he wants to be on the show for the money, to see Australia, and because he loves challenges. He says he wants to pay off his sister's college loans, and can't figure out how she's so much more in debt than he is. He doesn't mention that his education was most likely paid for by the military, and that his sister's education perhaps was not, so there's far less likelihood of her being shipped off any day now to fight a war on foreign soil, so that's to her credit. Kel makes friends in hospitals across the nation when he says he wouldn't want to be in the Outback with someone with no training, "like a nurse." Maralyn says "beef jerky frenzy" again. Good? Yes. Worth sitting through this eternal show to see it? Not so much. I'll bet Kel will make his grandchildren call him "the Captain." Once again, there's no challenge footage; we go straight to Tribal Council. Jerri's vote against Kel is nicer than what they originally showed. Mad Dog tells him, "You're a fine man, but you won't be calling me 'Mother' any longer." Lamber says, "It's a trust thing." As in, she can't trust herself to make up her own mind and not blindly follow Jerri. Mitchell liked to call Kel "Kelly." We like to call Mitchell "Bitchell" or "Snitchell." Or even "Eat a Sandwichell." Tina doesn't think Kel tried very hard. Keith is bothered because Kel tried to establish alliances too early on in the game when he should have been thinking about the good of the team. I'm repeating these votes because I don't remember them from the actual episode. If I don't repeat them later, it's because I remember them, so if you're dying to know what was said, go back and check out the recap. I know the writer, and she's good. In his exit interview, Kel says he was a "military guy with a bunch of very articulate, entertaining types." He knows he didn't fit in, but they're still "good people" who were "special" to him. There's that "special" again.