Last week on Survivor, the S6 traded their poorly constructed shelter to compensate for their poorly allocated rice supply, and after eleven episodes of trying, Nick finally completed the process of becoming irreversibly invisible.
We open this episode with the grunting and moaning of a male voice; apparently, this is some kind of song -- though not, I think, an aboriginal one. I wonder if it will be on the Survivor II soundtrack. Elisabeth tells us that, in the past few days, the game has become "drastically primal" and that they've become "beings" "that need food." We see Lamber portioning out the rice; she and Elisabeth agree that it's a "nightmare" situation. Elisabeth tells us in an interview that they're in an extreme situation because they exchanged their shelter for food. Lamber says that they're going to be careful with the rice this time around. Her arm looks incredibly fragile in this interview. I think it's partly the camera angle, but still -- no matter how you positioned my arm, it wouldn't look that thin. Maybe my pinky finger would. She and Tina discuss the fact that this is the least amount of rice they have had, and that it's all they have to live on. At camp, Elisabeth offers up "scrapings from the pot," and Colby accepts. Tina tells us that the rice gave her hope, because she thought she would be "starving to death" for the eleven days. Lamber says that hope is important, and that she's always hoping for "the day to come." She tells us she takes life in the Outback on a three-day to three-day basis. It doesn't quite have the same ring to it. Elisabeth says that Colby, Tina, and Keith are allied, and that they view Lamber as a weak person. Tina then says that Lamber is sweet, but that she never proved she could stand on her own two feet. She did prove that she's a "tougher little girl than [Tina] made her out to be." Calling someone "tough" and a "little girl" in the same sentence is a back-handed compliment. And I like it! Elisabeth tells us that the "people who are in control are gonna push [her] eject button at one point or another," and that she just has to hope it's a later point. Colby says in an interview that Rodger and Elisabeth know they've been brought along by the others with the eventual intent to eliminate them before eliminating themselves. Elisabeth tells us there's no holding her back. She doesn't, however, do her best "somebody stop me!" Jim Carrey impression.
They've stopped showing us the lame clues; I don't think we saw them in the last episode either. Maybe they just ran out of bad poets. Or fancy parchment paper. Then there's a hairy spider shot, followed by no immediate pan to Jerri. Peachy greets the S6 at the reward challenge -- a ropes course which is "designed to be confusing." He calls it a "jungle rope maze," as opposed to just a plain old rope maze. The S6 must navigate between four checkpoints on the course, using carabineers to clip on and off between ropes. We learn that the prize is a "food reward with a twist." Peachy then yells, and some wranglers ride out of the woods, causing Lamber to get what can best be described as a horny look on her face. And I hate that word, but I can't think of a better one. The winner will receive a dinner of "authentic stockman grub," an overnight stay with the cowboys, bacon and eggs in the morning, and a cot to sleep on. He/she will also receive the earnest serenadings of one particular wrangler, but Peachy doesn't mention that here.
The race begins. It's just like the challenge from the "what a tangled web we weave" episode last season. Lamber moves along very skillfully and is ahead from the beginning. I think they've underplayed her athleticism throughout the season. Colby follows Lamber closely and at one junction they get tangled up in each other. A "Keith last place" bulletin cracks me up when it flashes at the bottom of the screen, as Keith looks typically clueless. A few minutes later "Keith still last" flashes and still cracks me up. In the last stretch, they try to make it look as if it's a tight race between Lamber and Colby, but it's really not. Colby coasts to the finish, and Lamber shows up a few minutes later. She does look to be hustling through the end. Rodger gets third -- whew hoo! I think he's just happy not to be dead last. Tina finishes , then Elisabeth. From the sidelines, Peachy tells Keith to "finish strong." I'd be so annoyed. Peachy then calls Colby over and gives him a "little taste" of what's for dinner. It's a big hunk of carbohydrates, which must look really great to the others. Colby asks whether he may share it with everyone else, but Peachy, of course, says he that he may not. ["Which is odd, because Richard Hatch has reportedly said that there's nothing in the rules prohibiting winners of reward challenges from sharing their winnings with their fellows, or even handing the reward to someone else. So, as usual, Peachy's full of it." -- Wing Chun] As Colby heads off to Cowboy Camp on his pony, the others yell that they'll miss him, and that he should "get strong." Why would they want him to get any stronger than he already is? Rodger tells him to bring back some pork and beans in his pockets. Colby's all teeth as he hops on the horse.
We cut to an ominous shot of rain clouds covering the sun, and then many, many shots of rain assaulting various wildlife. We get it -- it's raining. As we see the wranglers making the trek to Cowboy Camp, Colby tells us that the storm hit about ten minutes into the ride, and that the horse got startled. He says that it felt like hail, and, for a moment I thought all of the Rodger-falling-off-a-horse talk was just a Mark Burnett cover-up for Colby-falling-off-a-horse action. Colby tells us that it was the worst storm he's ever seen. Suddenly he's in bright, sunny daylight as he says he feels sorry for the others who had to go back to the "very wet Barramundi beach."
I think that the crew borrowed their editing techniques from those of the Real World/Road Rules Challenge, because the thing we see is Colby's tribemates as they arrive at a rushing river three miles from camp, which wasn't rushing that way when they crossed earlier. After various exclamations on the part of Barramundi -- including Elisabeth's noting that it had been just a "puddle" earlier -- Keith tells the others, "Let's hope our riverbed didn't get flooded like this." Rodger says that he doubts that the "dry creek bed camp" is dry right now. The tribe has to wait a few hours until the creek goes down, so that they can cross. During this time, no one talked to each other, because they were thinking about what was happening at the camp. Thinking, in Barramundi world, prevents talking. An ominous chord plays, and we go to commercial. It sounds like their camp might have washed away. Do you think their camp washed away? I, for one, am not sure.
For the record, anybody who doesn't think Mark Burnett orchestrated this situation can now send their $5 donation to the Starving, One-legged, Homeless, Caffeine-addicted, Wart-covered Babies Foundation. Please make checks payable to "Joanna Hughes." He specifically chose this beach for them, and although they could have put the actual camp elsewhere, there was a pretty damn good chance they'd put it in the flat, dry space that just happened to be a flat, dry creek bed. There was probably some equally likely hazard waiting for them had they chosen the woods. And now we see shots of the flooding camp: it's pretty much the same shots and camera angles over and over again. But, oh no -- I just saw Rodger's orange and blue jacket wash away. We then see water rushing over the canister of rice, but it's not budging, so they pause the camera while a cameraman runs out and dislodges it so it can be carried away. And here's that poor widdle kangaroo caught in the river. Ominous music plays while said kangaroo scrapes and claws at the side of the shore and can't pull itself up; it keeps moving down the riverbank and then desperately trying again and again. I feel more for the kangaroo then I've felt for any of the competitors in either season; I feel ten times more sympathetic toward the kangaroo than I felt toward Jenna when she didn't get her video from home. Maybe that's because the kangaroo stands no chance of winning a million dollars. The kangaroo finally escapes. Whew.
Rodger is the first to approach Barramundi, and optimistically surmises that the camp has been spared. He actually says, "We're okay, girls," and Keith tells him not to jump to conclusions -- meaning about the camp, not about his being a girl. We see their faces as they finally see their camp. A sneaker lies on its side, and we're supposed to think it's tragic -- like the left-behind sneaker of a murder victim. Except in this case, there is no victim, and just a bunch of supposedly stranded people with multiple pairs of shoes. Rodger tells us that when he first "come [sic] down the bank," he thought everything was okay, but that, as he continued onward, it looked like "a small hurricane" had swept through the camp. Lamber says "ahhh maaah Gaaah" a few times, and then Elisabeth says "oh my Go,d" perhaps because she's tired of hearing Lamber saying it incorrectly. Rodger starts looking for the rice; the others join in and conclude that it's been washed away. He looks upset and says, "No supper." Elisabeth cries and tells us that, "despite all optimism and hope," the camp was completely washed out. Lamber says that it looks like a tornado went through there. Well, I think it looks like an earthquake. Or a tsunami. Or any other natural catastrophe it could possibly be compared to. Keith tells us that the water came through "like a flurry." Whatever that means. He then pronounces "especially" like "ex-pecially"; I'll bet he says "nu-cu-lar" instead of "nu-cle-ar" too. Tina tells us that she walked down the "heeyul" (translation: "hill"), and saw the devastation, which made her really mad, although she didn't know who to be mad at. How about Mark Burnett for making them move there? Just a thought. Elisabeth and Lamber look alarmed as they discuss the fact that they have no food and haven't eaten all day.
At Cowboy Camp, hokey music plays as we see Colby arrive with a big-ass grin on his face. Peachy is sitting there, all smug and peachy, while Colby ponies in looking like "he was born to ride." Colby tells us that he'd eat beef stew and hang out with cowboys at home, so it's a great reward. Peachy drinks a beer and asks Colby to assess his situation. Colby responds that he has both a leg up and a leg down, which makes for an interesting visual. He says he's physically advantaged, but politically disadvantaged because the others must resent his winning streak. Peachy, by the way, looks like he's been on the Survivor diet. Colby says that if he gets voted off at this point, he'll be happy for the meal. Peachy then tries to act all cool with his beer and announces, "Colby, a final cheer! I'm gonna down this. I'm gonna leave you." Chug! Chug! Chug! Colby tells us that he's aware he's taking the meal and opportunity away from someone else. A cowboy who looks like Mark Burnett strums a guitar. There's a cowgirl there, too. A blonde one. She was probably on standby in case a man won the challenge.
Back at camp, Rodger hobbles along with a basket and looks like he's about ninety years old. Where'd they get a big basket, anyway? ["From that picnic?" -- Wing Chun] Lamber tells us that they didn't have much to say to each other, because they were so down about the camp. A light bulb -- dim though it is -- goes off in Keith's head as he realizes that the rice canister might have floated downriver. He and Tina go off to look for their supplies in the dark, and spot the still-sealed tin of food on the other side of the river. We see that the rice tin is curiously stopped at a precarious juncture in the water, and that it is in danger, at any minute, of washing away. Tina and Keith have a discussion about where best to cross the river to get to the rice. Keith goes his way, which involves walking on the exact edge of the rushing water's drop-off point -- exactly where the rapids are strongest. It's like he's walking along the edge of a waterfall. Rodger worries that he'll get caught underneath a log. Tina questions Keith's method, and then her "adrenaline gets pumping" and she tells us she knew she could "do anything." She starts swimming through the water -- a much better choice than walking on the edge of a rapids-swollen cliff -- and Lamber yells for Keith to come back. Rodger holds a rope like he's going to lasso someone. Tina gets to the rice first, and Rodger instructs her just to just bring a plastic bagful back, because bringing the whole tin will be too difficult. But Tina is tough, man. With Keith's help (he finally gets there without killing himself) she swims back with the entire rice supply. I continue to be impressed by Tina. Upon their safe arrival back at camp, there's lots of hugging and exclamation. Tina tells us she did it for the rice. As opposed to her wanting to test the buoyancy of her breast implants. They realize that they don't have matches; they got wet in Keith's jacket. I don't know whether the jacket got wet in the rice-retrieving enterprise, or during the flood, so I can't call him stupid because it might not be his fault. ["Sure it is. If he would bring the matches with him to Kucha camp when he was staying overnight, why wouldn't he have, to ensure their safekeeping, brought them with him to the reward challenge? Because I'm pretty sure he said he'd left them in his coat at camp and that they'd gotten wet during the flood. Those are their only matches; if he's in charge of them, he should be guarding them with his freaking life." -- Wing Chun] Rodger tells the others to put on dry clothes before nightfall because they can't start a fire, and that it will soon be freezing outside.
Back at Cowboy Camp, Colby tells us that he dug right into the grub. He elaborates that the first plate he had "went right through [him]," and that he knew "there was gonna be trouble" as soon as the first few spoonfuls went in. We need to know this for purposes of plot advancement. Suddenly, Colby's sleeping peacefully, and absolutely no cowboys complain about his snoring. It's time for the poor Survivors/rich Survivor montage, and we cut to the others sleeping while their overlapping voice-overs tell us how difficult it is, and how we at home can't even imagine it, and blah blah. But neither can we at home imagine winning a million dollars, and no one's giving us a chance to do it, so I think we can call it even. The sound effects at first make it sound like they're all talking to each other at once, but really they're not. They are a perfect set of spoons, except one knife lies sprawled out at the end.
Morning breaks at Cowboy Camp. Colby, looking very skinny, chows down on the best peanut butter and jelly he's ever had. He tells us that he doesn't care if he has to stop and go to the bathroom four times between Cowboy Camp and Barramundi Camp. He says that he appreciates the opportunity to "eat and eat and eat," and he doesn't care how sick it makes him. We then see a nice big pot of beans for the full effect.
Close-ups of haggard-looking Survivors greet us as we return to Barramundi camp. Keith tells us that he will never have a more miserable night. He then clarifies that he hopes he never has a more miserable night. Elisabeth says that their first priority should be to make the night more comfortable for themselves. Rodger tells us that he spent all night thinking about moving the shelter. Tina says, "There's no good place to hide here," and that it's very frustrating because if they go to the highpoint they can get struck by lightning, and if they stay on the beach they might be flooded again. ["That lightning thing was ridiculous. It's not like they're going to build a camp that's taller than, you know, all the trees. Please." -- Wing Chun] Colby ambles back into the camp dragging his canteen of water; he slows down as he approaches and sees the destruction. He tells us in a voice-over that returning to camp and seeing what the others had endured is the worst thing. He says that, although they tell each other not to feel guilty when they win a reward, it's an inevitability. As Cowboy approaches, the others wear dismal expressions. They do look a bit shocked -- like they're in a work camp or something. Except in very rare cases do residents of work camps have a one in six chance of winning a million bucks. (If you can't tell, I don't have much pity for these people.) Colby hugs the ladies, and Lamber starts crying. Tina says something about waiting for Colby to come and knowing that he was thinking about them while shoveling in facefuls of beans. Colby can't believe what happened. Rodger says, "Sickening, wasn't it?" Colby agrees that it is sickening. More sad chords. Colby tells us that they're all going through "the wringer" right now, and that's he's been the luckiest. He's worried about saving "his own butt," but he's more concerned with the question of how winning another challenge might affect the way he's viewed within the tribe.
And wonder of all wonder -- it's another clue-less challenge. A bunch of colorful plates hang from strings as Peachy smugly tells the arriving S6 that they look worn out. In her best tough little girl voice, Lamber says, "We'll be okay," and that they're "gonna make it." Peachy tells them that they each have three plates and a slingshot for a weapon. Their ammo consists of Australian macadamia nuts, which are huge -- they look like baseballs! The goal is to break the others' plates, and the last with a plate standing...er, "hanging," wins. Peachy tells them to wait for his start, and then sums up the rules again in case they forgot. Must. Hit. Plates. After Keith chips a Colby he says, "It's the pretty blue. I love that color." And he means it to be funny -- not literal for once. It doesn't count, though, because the plate did not shatter. Colby then aims and knocks out a Keith plate. They're all firing at once, so it's difficult to tell who's hitting whose. Rodger apologizes to Lamber for taking out her plate and says it was "straightaway." Peachy calls Elisabeth "Gunslinger." They all keep apologizing to each other. Peachy announces that "Rodger has no plates out," and Rodger sheepishly guffaws and shushes him, saying, "You don't have to tell 'em all that!" Colby immediately takes out a Rodger. He's good at this; if the producers ever saw him use a slingshot before, they had to know he was going to win this challenge. Lamber is out first thanks to Colby, who says it's "nothing personal." Lamber says she's "payin' attention," which I think is meant to be some kind of threat. Keith is the knocked out, followed by Tina. Peachy points out that Colby has taken a lot of people out of the game, and Tina says, "What's wrong with this picture, Colby?" because he's eliminated all the Ogakors. Colby laughs and says, "I'm jumpin' ship!" which doesn't seem to me to be something to joke about. Colby takes Rodger out of the game , leaving only Elisabeth with two plates to Colby's one. Lamber yells that Elisabeth has a lot of pressure on her. Colby takes out one Elisabeth plate and then immediately takes out the . Elisabeth looks pensive. Metaphorical shattered plates twist in the wind.
Back at Barramundi, Keith tells us that Tribal Council isn't fun. How many times do we need to hear that? Lamber, in an unprecedented mouthful of words, tells us that losing another person is "less people, less comfort, less conversation." Elisabeth says that they've "endured" and "persevered" through a lot of problems together. She says that it's going to be one of the toughest tribal councils yet.
Officer Peachy stands at attention while S6 arrive at Tribal Council and take their seats. He says he's "bringing in the jury," but it sounds more like he says "bringing in the Jerri." Both are true, and in comes the increasingly peeved-looking jury. Peachy tells Barramundi that he wished them dry weather when they left last time, and that "obviously [his] rain dance didn't work out too well." Wouldn't a rain dance bring rain? Not that I don't believe Peachy wasn't wishing them rain, but his comment makes no sense. It's worth it, though, to picture Peachy doing a rain dance. Peachy says that, despite the approaching wet season, the tribe built their camp in "the mouth of a dry river bed." He wants to know whose idea it was; Rodger says that it was definitely not his idea, and that it was "mostly the females." This is not Rodger's most winning moment. He then says, of his desire to build on higher ground, "I sure do wish we had went [sic] with mine -- and then there was another one or two that felt like we should've went up on the hill too." Colby makes a strange face here. Maybe because he doesn't like being described as "another one or two." Elisabeth tells Peachy that every day gets "exponentially more challenging and difficult," and that she plays the game minute-to-minute compared to challenge-to-challenge or day-to-day. Peachy points out that Tina is playing the game in a political yet friendly way. She says that she'd rather spend the last couple of weeks with team players who get along with each other, and that that's always been her strategy. This doesn't really explain the putting down of Mad Dog. Peachy then asks Tina whether the six remaining competitors are the most deserving people; and the camera pans to Alicia preparing to wave her finger in someone's face. Tina skillfully navigates the question by saying that she wouldn't say the six are the most deserving, but that they are all, indeed, deserving. Peachy says that he'd "be remiss" if he didn't remind them that there are still four Ogakor members left, compared to two Kuchas. Because they need him to count for them. Peachy then calls on Rodger again, who says he thinks that one day the "Kucha tribe will be an extinct tribe."
Elisabeth looks sad and resigned and then heads off to vote in a jacket four Elisabeths could fit into. She votes for Lamber and says "it has to be done" and that it's "nothing personal." She says it's her toughest vote yet -- but she voted for her last week, too. Lamber is now Humpback Lamber. Rodger votes for Humpback Lamber and says she's a "sweet girl" and that it was a tough decision. Colby votes for Rodger and says, "Just, uh, stickin' with the battin' order." Humpback Lamber votes for Rodger and thanks him for the comfort he's brought into camp. She says it's been like "having a dad around," and that she'll miss him a lot. Keith votes, but we don't see for whom; he says that he/she is a tough competitor and is hard to beat at this stage of the game. All the S6 look wary as Peachy leaves to tally the votes.
The first vote is for a poker-faced Rodger. The second vote is for a poker-faced Humpback Lamber. Then Rodger -- my heart is beating quickly here; then Humpback Lamber. Then Humpback Lamber and finally...Humpback Lamber! Aaaahhh Maaaahhhhh Gaaaaaah! Humpback Lamber hugs Keith, and Rodger mumbles to himself and tips his hat. The jury looks perplexed. Humpback Lamber tells the others to stay strong, and then blows them kisses, which they return. Colby look like he might be crying.. Peachy tells us that the old tribal lines are gone; Elisabeth looks like she's crying along with Colby and all the world's disappointed farm animals.
week on Survivor a reward challenge shows us their loved ones. It's not nearly so difficult this season to believe that these people actually have people who love them. Colby calls Keith a bozo. Good one!
As the credits roll, Lamber tells us that she doesn't hold anything against anybody, as we see that Colby cast the only other vote against Rodger. She tells us that she will "never ever ever" regret anything that happened in the Outback and that she and the others will be BFF.