Last week on Survivor: Greg "cut his play kitten loose" and moved onto bigger things. And I DO mean bigger. Peachy reveled in Jenna's bad news while Greg's sister revealed the deep dark secret of the Buis family, causing the other castaways to writhe in horror and then vote him out.
As we open at Rattana on Day Twenty Five, Rich tells us in a confessional that "outright lying is absolutely essential, especially when you have a host like Jeff who's as bold as to ask, 'Well, so Sue tell me. Is there an alliance?'" Rich appears to believe he has the monopoly on plotting and manipulation. Sue then tells us, "Do you think I'm gonna come out and say, 'Oh yeah we got four votes, voting up against all you guys; we're gonna knock you all down to the end.' Come on." Except "come on" sounds more like "cum aaaaaaaaaaannnnnnn." Sue appears to be suddenly paralyzed down one side of her face as she speaks solely from the left side of her mouth. And besides, she doesn't have to come right out and say it; her pitiful attempt at lying at last week's Tribal Council did a fine job of confirming the existence of a Tagi alliance. Colleen tells us Jeff asked if a deserving person would win that money and "the answer to that question is no." We never heard Jeff ask that question last week, but the real tribal councils apparently ran at least thirty minutes each, so it probably happened off-screen. Kelly tells us the whole alliance is getting "too stupid and too crazy," or maybe she's just describing Sue. She also says that if they stick with it "it's just like lining lambs to the slaughter," which is, I think, a mixed metaphor between lining ducks in a row and sending lambs to the slaughter. Jenna and Colleen lounge about in identical island-wear, hoping their Survivor experience might lead to a spot in the J. Crew swimwear catalogue, while Kelly eyes them because she's tired of being more the K-Mart type. She then tells us that if she's "gonna survive," it has to be on her own. If "on her own" means she's sucked the life forces out of the dying Tagi animal and is ready to attach herself to another unsuspecting host, then by all means, "on her own" it is.
While we get more routine shots of Rich flopping around in the ocean trying to get a fish or something like a fish, Idiot Seanvant tells Gervase and Talking Rudy Doll that Rich is in a good strategic position. He says Rich has worked hard: "Well, not that hard. He just happens to be good at spear fishing, actually. He doesn't do much else." Gervase adds that Rich doesn't "do a damn thing around here except fish," which sounds an awful lot like what Gervase does, except without the fishing part. Idiot Seanvant then says Rich is a good sport when they call him "all kinds of names and make fun of him." I already look forward to my Survivor viewing each week; if they'd just show the name-calling, it'd be ideal. Talking Rudy Doll's string catches on a log and he incongruously pipes in with, "I started to like him before I knew he was queer." As Rich surfaces and says the spear has lost a prong, Idiot Seanvant says Rich is the "epicenter of power," and I think we're supposed to believe that Rich's spear is like Samson's hair, and that this damage to the spear is symbolic of his status in the tribe, but the two have absolutely nothing to do with each other as Rich, with the broken spear, has a bigger catch than ever. Sue announces that there must be at least twenty five pounds of fish, and the camera zooms in on a mess of mixed-up moving fish parts flapping around, which I didn't really need to see. Idiot Seanvant says, "I love Rich. I really do. He's been a great asset to this camp," but I'm pretty sure he meant to say Rich has been a great ass to the camp. ["Especially if he's using the word 'great' in the sense of 'extremely large.'" -- Sars] Rich says to Sue, "You're gonna be so damn full of protein after this meal you won't know what to do with yourself," and then raises his hands in a He-Man sort of gesture and either says, "I am master," or "I am hot stuff," but it sounds like "hos stuff," like Long Duck Dong saying, "Whassa happenin' hosstuff?" in Sixteen Candles. Sue has flip-up sunglasses on, and they look like mouse ears. Sean tells us it's an "insecurity aspect" that causes Rich to keep bringing up the fish he catches in Tribal Council. We then cut to Rich in a confessional saying it's an "an outright blatant lie" when he says the others keep him around because of his role as fisherman. Instead, he's "staying around here 'cause [he's] bright." In an example of monumental egotism, he claims, "They're not voting me off because I'm not letting them," which sounds like some kind of psychosis to me.
Back at camp, Colleen pouts as they prepare the fish. She perches in a tree and asks the cameraman, "Do you see them bringing these stingrays and stuff in? They're, like, still flapping around and they take this dull knife and they chop off the head. It's disgusting." But she's giggling as she says this. She says, "If I choose to watch my dinner that came from the sea be killed or not be killed, I would rather not watch it be killed," so I guess that means she's okay with wearing mink so long as she's not the one who wields the electric prod? As Rattana gathers to eat the meal, Jenna says she's looking forward to it and "[She] won't even eat fishsticks." But tragedy has struck as we learn from Sue that Talking Rudy Doll didn't make the fire hot enough; of course, she knew he wasn't making the fire hot enough, but didn't do anything about it, and I don't know what they're were expecting because he's Talking Rudy Doll not Cooking Rudy Doll. Rich, through a mouthful of sour grapes, says, "Rudy's clueless when it comes to fish and, um, you know, really ruined it." We see a shot of a very silent, upset-looking Talking Rudy Doll. We then see a shot of a very charred, upset-looking stingray. Rich continues his whining with, "Nobody knew what to do with cookin' the fish. And so it sits here, and it sits half on the heat, and it sits over there, and it gets turned over halfway and it doesn't, and you put your right foot in and you take your right foot out and you do the Hokey Pokey and you turn yourself around." Okay, so he doesn't start doing the Hokey Pokey, but it would have been so much more entertaining if he had instead of continuing on and on with his whining: "And so it's half-cooked and over-cooked and under-cooked and half of the fish, half of the three rays, were wasted. And that infuriates me." Rich picks at the fish, complaining that "its wings are curled up," and no one should eat a fish with wings anyway; it's like some gross biological experiment where they splice a tomato with a pig to create a hybrid pigmato which is as nutritious as a vegetable but with the fine flavoring of bacon. In the most superior of ways he announces to the others, "It's very very easy to put a fire together that's nice and hot. Just 'cause I see how to do that doesn't mean anybody else should know how so..." Rich is all blah blah blah burnt fishcakes this and blah blah blah charred fishcakes that, and charming Gervase tells him to take it easy, adding, "Don't you know how a fire works, man?" which makes Colleen grin. Rich tells us he'll just have to cook the fish himself from now on, which seems to me less about cooking the fish and more about trying to regain control of the group. Rich then announces in a confessional, "I probably won't get fish actually for a little while now anyway, because they need to appreciate it. I'm bringin' in too many right now. I brought in a bunch yesterday and a bunch today and so we need to take a break and kind of let them hunger for it again." And with this, I become further convinced that Rich has actual psychotic tendencies: there's one type of sociopath who believes he is the only real living, feeling being in the world, and that everyone else is just living inside his head and is there only for his satisfaction. But then that wouldn't account for Sean. Colleen, in her tiny little swimsuit and huge sunhat says, "Rich opens his mouth and I just wanna be like, 'Oh, be quiet over there in the corner. You're not making any sense and you think you're so smart and you're just [sic] go home and go get your liposuction and go catch more fish,'" which might well be the best rant we've heard on this show so far. Not to mention it's said in the delightfully ambiguous accent and replete with adorable wild gesturing. We then cut to a grimacing Rudy looking on while Rich says, "Burnt. Overdone. Wasteful, again, amazing," and I wish B.B. was there to build Rich a nice tall ladder so he would just get over it.
The girls take the raft out while Richard sneakily watches them. The cameramen caught a lot of surreptitious eyeing in this episode, but all these things are spliced together and are probably just shots of various Rattana members staring at Jenna as she fiercely scratches the mysterious rash on her legs. Kelly says it bothers her to "rely on someone else" to get her food. But she doesn't mind relying on Rich to tell her how to vote, or on Gervase's two-year-old daughter to tell her how to wear her hair. The girls then start oohing and aahing as they discover they've caught a big fish, which Colleen doesn't mind sentencing to death as she hauls it in. Sue beams as she tells us it feels good to catch a fish; momentarily, she seems more human than monster. We then see Richard peeking over his shoulder as the girls bring home the booty. Jenna says she thinks their catch disappointed Rich as he throws himself onto the sand and starts beating his fists on the ground and kicking his feet, yelling, "Waaa! Waaa! Waaa! I want my mommy!" Sue says she thinks Rich will put their catch down, saying it won't feed enough people, but she doesn't care. She then brags that they caught "a [sic] edible fish." Talking Rudy Doll issues forth a two-for-one with "Is he kickin?" and "Egh. That's a good one," which makes him sound like a parrot as in, "Egh. That's a good one, matey." Maybe there will be a whole series of Talking Rudy Dolls, and this one will be Talking Pirate Rudy Doll. And then there's always Malibu Talking Rudy Doll. Meanwhile Rich prowls over trying to look nonchalant,
and he looks like Rasputin as we cut to a commercial zoomed in on his plotty face.I can take snake shots; I can even take running Rich shots; but the fat stream of ants swarming across the log really disturbs me. We've seen this twice now, and each time I think the log is moving because there are so many damn ants. I had to rewind and fast forward to figure out what it was, and then I had to rewind and fast forward again, not because I like looking at disgusting things, but because -- well, there's really no good reason. Idiot Seanvant checks the mail, and he's really lost weight; he's all six-pack now. He plucks a big piece of wood from the mailbox, on which is written a clue. He tells us he loves getting the mail. Probably because he's good at it. I'll break my rule just this once and recite the poem for two reasons; it's short, and it makes absolutely no sense: "If you can make like a monkey then you'll be home free. If you want a barbeque for lunch, then go climb a tree." Did anyone else notice that there's absolutely no tree climbing or monkey-like activity involved in this challenge? As the tribe struts down the beach, we see shots of a raised rope course that looks like a spider web. Colleen acts happy and surprised to see Just Peachy, because now that Greg's gone, he's the viable target for her feminine wiles. When she fawns on Peachy, Rich looks back at her like, "Are you kidding me?"
As he leads them to their reward, Peachy instructs the castaways to "listen to your stomach," at which point I thank God their stomachs aren't miked. He picks the lid off a grill to reveal steaks, shish kabobs, hot dogs, and various other American BBQ foods, which the winning contestant will get to eat. He then adds that the prize also includes a love letter from home, with Jenna's "on top." Of course, he'll wait until after she wins the challenge to reveal that her letter contains blank sheets of paper because her mother forgot to write something on them. As the castaways hover around the grill, Sean says, "I'm thinkin,' 'How am I gonna get my grubby little hands on some of them burgers?'" Talking Rudy Doll chuckles and growls, "I'm prepared to eat rice tonight. Heh! Like every night." Jenna tells us she can always eat rice, but she has yet to hear from her children. For no particular reason, Rich announces, "No offense, Jeff, but if I win, you're gonna go hungry, bud. Because I'm not sharin'." The camera angle is skewed here to make Rich look particularly crazed. But Jeff doesn't care anyway because the Pulau Tiga All Inclusive Resort's All-You-Care-To-Eat Buffet is open twenty-four hours a day.
Back at the course, each castaway is preassigned a number and has to grab a medallion from one of sixteen checkpoints. The first one to the finish with their sixteen medallions wins; if they fall off the course, they're disqualified. Rich wipes out at the start of the race and Jenna hurdles over him, at which point Rich decides that she is the most dispensable character living inside his head. Peachy says irritating things like "Careful, Jenna," as she perches precariously on a wobbly rope and "Keep it up, Sean, twelve more to go," which is really not all that encouraging when you only have four down. At one point, Jenna and Gervase meet head on and work together to maneuver around each other, after which Gervase checks to make sure she's all right, which is the first example of charming behavior I've seen Gervase exhibit. After what must be hours, with fifteen medallions, Colleen and Kelly are neck and neck, but Colleen lunges for the victory. As the castaways gather and prepare for Jeff to rub it in, he comes through with, "Colleen, right here. We've got the great barbeque, right? Looks pretty good. Lotta food. We got a great letter from home. How would you feel about inviting..." And here he conveniently pauses and Colleen genuinely seems excited and happy as she yells, "Everybody except Rich!?!" Okay, so she actually yells, "Everybody!" but you know she'd prefer if Rich were not involved unless he were roasting on the spit. Kelly looks amazed because she might get to have lunch with the popular girls, and her face falls as Peachy eagerly says, "Not quite," because, and here's his new slogan, "If it isn't bad news it isn't Just Peachy." Just Peachy tells Colleen she has to pick just one fellow castaway, and when she learns that the other person gets their letter too, her choice is obvious. All the other castaways grumble while trying to look gracious as she selects Jenna, who comes over for a hug. No one points out that Jenna pigged out and rubbed it in a week or so ago at the Ambassador's Summit. Jeff says, "You guys can sadly head back to camp," because he would neverwant them happily walking back to camp. A funeral dirge plays as Rudy stirs up some rice and the other rejected Rattana look despondent.
Meanwhile, over at the barbeque, island music plays as we see Jeff cooking up a feast for the lovely ladies. And then back to Rattana, where we see a thought-bubble pop up over Sue's head with a picture of a nice fat turkey carcass with Idiot Seanvant's head attached to it. The other castaways look sad and pathetic as they choke down their rice. And then back to the girls chowing down on a total glut of food, and I'm pretty sure we'll see a bun-shaped outline in Colleen's stomach when she gets up from the picnic table, because there's no place for this amount of food to hide on her skeletal frame. Colleen mocks Sean as she tells Jenna that, despite the past three ominous votes, he's still not convinced there's an alliance. She does a pretty good imitation of him, and I'm so glad her personality has finally decided to join her on the island. Colleen tells Jenna that the Tagi alliance plans to "pick people off until it gets down to them, and then they're gonna start eating each other," an event which would be catastrophic for the show's viewer ratings. ["I disagree, particularly if the plat du jour is Rich." -- Sars] She thinks that, along with Gervase, they could "definitely do something," and that they shouldn't sit back and watch it happen. Jenna agrees with her, and then the giggling and cackling period commences. Peachy produces the letters and Jenna's has stickers on it from the twins. I paused the tape on a still of Jenna's letter and was going to transcribe it here, but boring my readers to death isn't part of the job description. In short, it was all about how many calls from the press her mother was getting and how they figured out who Jenna was from CBS's early press releases because there weren't too many twenty-two-year-old single mothers of twins in her small hometown. It did look like there were more pages and, for Jenna's sake, I hope it got more interesting.
At Rattana, Day Twenty Seven, a shipment of bagpipes has arrived on the island. As have a shamisen and a zither. Sue cheerily wishes Rich a happy birthday, and Sean tells us that Rich celebrated in his birthday suit and that "you never get used to seeing Richard naked." A rear-view shot of Richard's blurred butt-crack does little to help me keep my dinner down. Gervase looks irritated and we get the jiggling foot shot, which I think is supposed to symbolize annoyance or discomfort, but could well be Gervase just shaking some sand off his foot. Rich tells us, "I'm thirty-nine today. I had intended for quite a long time to celebrate my birthday naked." Had he planned on doing some corporate training in the buff, or does he mean he's been planning this since he got onto the island? Jenna says she knows Rick loves being naked and she thought she'd be okay with it, "but sitting at the fire this morning and he comes just walking up and sits like two inches from me, naked. I wanted to get away," and then we see an enactment of the scene she just described as she says, "It felt awkward sitting to a naked gay man. And if he had, like, something to cover the butt-crack area, I'd be cool with that."
We are then treated to a montage of shots of Richard prancing around like Mike Myers at the start of The Spy who Shagged Me, with objects like the fishing net strategically placed to spare our eyesight because the shows ratings would really suffer if all its viewers were suddenly struck blind. I catch Talking Rudy Doll sneaking a peak down below. He then tells us that when his wife asks who was with him on the island, he'll say, "A queer that ran around bare-assed half of the time, for one thing." Colleen sounds just like Greg bitching about Idiot Seanvant's butter-sauce blabbering when she says, "Rich wanted to be naked for his birthday. Oh fun. Show off a little more." Rich then tells us that Colleen is particularly irritated by his nudity, and that she put her hands over her eyes in a gesture he didn't understand when she first saw him in all his glory. In a quick clip of the two of them together, it looks as though Colleen is trying to explain to Rich why she responded that way; since this is the natural course for the show to take and since this would give us a more complete picture of the way things are, of course we are denied this conversation. Rich gives the obligatory "live for yourself" speech. But you can live for yourself and still put on some shorts.
Jenna, Colleen, and Kelly find the clue written on a tile. Jenna and Colleen are all petite and pretty, while Kelly looms in the background in her big baggy t-shirt like their ugly dumb mute cousin visiting for the summer and waiting for a pity makeover. The challenge is "a battle of wit," which should be a riot. Sue thinks the game will be like Twister, and playing Twister probably does involve wit in Susan's world. Gervase says the only way he'll stay on the island is if he keeps winning immunity. Idiot Seanvant then insists that Gervase is a perfect example of why his alphabet strategy "adds a new dimension to the game." Idiot Seanvant has arbitrarily decided not to return to Gervase's name after being unable to vote for him last week because of immunity. He thinks his methods add to the challenges. I guess the game isn't exciting enough for Idiot Seanvant as it is. Colleen and Jenna lounge in the hammock (at this point in the season, it appears that any facade of doing actual work has crumbled) and announce that their new names are Zelda and Zoe. Idiot Seanvant looks puzzled, and then the extra-dim light bulb weakly flashes on over his head. In a confessional Sean says, "Uh. I'm doin' it [sic] alphabetical order. Jenna is . It would make me happy if Gervase does not win, uh, immunity this time 'cause I had to skip him last time, you know. I skipped him in the order and, uh, maybe Jenna will win it and get out of the order." Sean is doing a very good, very unintentional imitation of Jerry Seinfeld in this clip. He proudly explains, "You know what's nice is if you win immunity, you get skipped and then you're out of the rotation." Idiot Seanvant then tells Gervase that if he thinks he'll be the swing vote, he won't vote for Jenna. So basically, Idiot Seanvant votes to not make a difference. You know it's a bad plan when even the person who benefits is irritated; Gervase tells us, "Sean, I like Sean. Sean's a great guy, you know. But about Sean's alphabetical order. It's like my granddaddy used to say. If you wanna be seen, stand up. If you wanna be heard, speak up. And if you wanna be appreciated, shut up." And if you wanna be Gervase, sit back and put your feet up.
We then cut to a bunch of red tiles and a silly special effects sequence in which the tiles flip to reveal a big grinning picture of Just Peachy holding a box of Wheaties. It's actually just the Survivor logo, but you just know Peachy lobbied for his picture, and maybe for his slogan as well. Peachy says this challenge is "Up here. In our head," because they all share one. He adds that the game is like chess and tic-tac-toe, but nothing at all like Twister. Each survivor starts on one red square and steps to another, choosing in a pre-selected order. Then they turn over the square they've just stepped off of to reveal a yellow tile. When survivors have no more red squares to step on, they're out. Rich manages to have the first turn. We see one boring full round, and then the time lapse begins. Colleen's the first to go and Peachy says, "That full meal has got you…" and then he struggles for the word and finally comes up with "sated." Kelly's out , jumps to the last red square, and irritatedly says, "Just doin' my part." Sue is proud to have made it this far and caves . Jenna and Idiot Seanvant have a little altercation because he "spoiled" her plan. Meanwhile, Rich is "whimpering into nowhere land." Peachy announces, "The wise old man is looking good," which I'm sure pleases Talking Rudy Doll, because everyone loves being described as old, particularly by a sun-lamped, hair-dried little twit. Idiot Seanvant is about to take out Jenna but Gervase urges him not to, telling him to go for Talking Rudy Doll instead. Jenna then starts coaching Talking Rudy Doll while she's still on the board, and this is all very confusing because it's difficult to tell who's actually trying to help others as opposed to helping themselves. Gervase yells, "It's those young girls, Rudy. Tryin' to get in your head. Stay strong, Rudy," as he tries to convince Rudy to do the opposite of what Jenna's telling him. Jenna tries to steal Gervase's turn but it does no good; she's the to go, and is quickly followed by Rich. Jenna coaches Talking Rudy Doll, and is being pretty irritating about it if you ask me, because losers generally shouldn't give advice to winners. Although she does get some points because she seems to genuinely want Talking Rudy Doll to win. Gervase is out . Peachy tells Sean to "Hang tight, buddy," but everyone knows Talking Rudy Doll's already clinched it. Peachy tells him to "take the honor of flipping the rest of these over for me," and is it customary for the victor to have to clean up the course? We watch Rudy painstakingly turn over the remaining tiles, and then Peachy hands over the immunity idol. Nothing would make me happier than if Rudy wears that silly necklace straight through to the thirty-ninth day.
Back at Rattana, Jenna says that if she feels like sitting in a hammock all day, she will, and Colleen says she won't stop her, as if she could. What's she going to do, impale her on a hipbone? In a confessional, Colleen sweetly says, "We had fun, you know. We had...Pagong was a good, was a good place to live. Now we move into the new neighborhood, with the nasty neighborhood," and then we cut to a priceless shot of Sue grunting, "I'm gonna go over in my house for a while. And bitch." Colleen and Jenna are finally onto Tagi, but they're not onto the fact that it's too late. Colleen fingers Rich and Sue as the leaders of the alliance, saying, "They're smart. They're very smart people, although Rich is just a numbskull," and somehow I don't think Colleen's currently using those free Ericsson minutes on long-distance calls to Rich. She then says, "People are wishy-washy; they're conniving, and they're stupid, and that's what's happening, and it's all out in the open for everybody to see." I'm not sure if Colleen is trying to say the others are stupid, or to admit that Pagong was stupid. She then says she has the choice to wait until her "ticket comes up," or to try and strategize to make a difference. Jenna has a very bad peeling sunburn as she tells us they're going to vote the same even though it might jeopardize the vote, but that it will keep them safe for now. In post-show interviews, Jenna has said she lost twenty pounds on that island; nineteen of those must have been brain cells. A crab of deception skitters by.
Colleen pulls her bandana down over her hips and models the new "skirt" while doing a kooky little catwalk. Gervase says only models can wear skirts that short, which sounds like a diss to me. Sue looks on enviously and Sean says, "Not doin' that, Sue?" which is either really dumb, really sweet, or really mean. Colleen feels bad, because Kelly wants to join in the girl-on-girl fun but Rich is giving her shit about it. Sue bawls Kelly out for hanging out with "the chicks"; she's jealous that the Pagongers like Kelly better, and that her own hair is too short to Afro-puff. Richard tells us Kelly is acting "a little odd," and that he hopes her alliances haven't shifted. In a perfect tableau, Talking Rudy Doll turns to Idiot Seanvant and says, "All them girls are dressed the same." Idiot Seanvant says, "Yea, they're dressing like, uh, superheroes," and Talking Rudy Doll says, "Like who?" Idiot Seanvant repeats, "Superheroes?" with a question in his voice, like maybe that's a word he made up. Talking Rudy Doll says, "They were dancing around here a little while ago. It looked like the third grade." In a confessional he tells us, "I thought about a female alliance and watchin 'em the way they walk around hand in hand, uh, I even thought about lesbianism but, uh, maybe not, I don't know. And, uh, it could happen if they had any brains. But I don't think they got enough brains to do that." As Talking Rudy Doll spits this one out, we see a shot of the girls slathering sunscreen on each other, because wanting to protect one's skin is, of course, the first tip-off to aberrant gay and lesbian behavior. We then cut to Jenna in a cape, claiming she can move objects with her mind but only she can see them, and I'm sure she stole this from Mystery Men, and for the record, I rented that movie and did not pay seven dollars to see it in the theater. Kelly tells us she has two people in mind to vote for who are "kinda sucky to live with," as the camera zooms in on Richard and Sean. As the tribe readies to go to Tribal Council, Rudy puts on his necklace and positively beams. He adjusts it, looks down, and beams some more. I wish I could freeze this moment and use it as wallpaper on my computer. The three remaining Pagongers tell us that have Rich in their sights. Gervase says, "Get rid of Rich and we all starve together," which sounds like a pretty convincing reason NOT to vote for Rich if you ask me. Jenna says, "The fact that we're voting him off on his birthday, [is] not lost on me. We're giving him a birthday present!" As Colleen heads off to Tribal Council, she exclaims, "Let's do this, Brutus!" and I won't even try to make sense of that one.
Jenna is wearing raingear on the trek to Tribal Council, but it's not raining and no one else is wearing their gear. When the team arrives and the gong has been gonged, Peachy stands stiff-armed in a spotlight and looks like he's the awkward star of a second-grade play. He doesn't sit on the money trunk this week, and for some reason Colleen and Jenna are giggling and whispering throughout this part. Peachy announces that Greg will be joining them this week to be an informed member of the jury. Greg lurks in like the Ghost of Pulau Tiga Past and creepily lowers himself onto the ground without taking his eyes off the eight remaining castaways. Colleen looks pleased to see her master, slinks over, and rubs up against his legs. Peachy asks Richard about his nakedness and Rich plays it down, saying, "What better place than to just hang out nude? But it did make a couple people uncomfortable so I thought why bother?" Idiot Seanvant says his voting rationale is "manifold," and that he appreciates having an easy order to follow. He also admits that it's strategic because it places the Pagong names at the start of the list and the Tagi names toward the end. He se
ems very earnest as he says, "This tortures me every three days. I hate it." Jenna says, "I'm . I'm J," but "that's cool." Idiot Seanvant doesn't pick up on the sarcasm; he grins, nods, and says, "She knows she wouldn't take it personally and I think she's a safe vote tonight. If I was felt [sic] she was in jeopardy I would think twice at the very least of casting a vote," at which point a plane flies by and drops a trunkful of foreshadowing onto Idiot Seanvant's lap. Peachy asks what Sue's take is on Sean's strategy, because she's coming up soon. The remaining castaways are as follows: Kelly, Rich, Rudy, Sean, and Sue. So that makes Sue dead last; I don't know why Peachy would single out Sue to ask this question, nor do I know why Sue would be so upset since she has more time than anyone. Sue rambles on for a bit about Sean either being a neurotic idiot "or else he just doesn't have enough balls to make a decision." Sue and Sean get into it here as they raise their voices and being to talk over each other, and suddenly we're on a David E. Kelley show. Peachy asks how important Richard is to the group since he's the only one catching fish, and either he's ill-informed or he's setting Rich up. As the girls exclaim about their catch, Rich confirms, "They got a fish," although if it wasn't on film you know he'd be like, "Fish? What fish?"Peachy sends the castaways off to vote, and even Talking Rudy Doll looks concerned, so either he's worried about the alliance or that's his natural expression. Gervase votes for Rich, winningly, because "everybody else will be cake." Talking Rudy Doll croaks, "Eliminatin' the big mouth," as he casts a vote for Jenna. Idiot Seanvant rambles on about how much he loves Jenna and how he doesn't think she'll be voted off; he must have been looking the other way when the foreshadowing crate spilled open to reveal Jenna's twins and a one-way ticket back to New Hampshire. Jenna votes for Rich and says, "Fish or not, he's getting irritable and I think he's ready to go home. Even though it is his birthday." She doesn't, however, moo as she says this; nor does she oink. Peachy comes back from rearranging the votes and begins: one for Rich; two for Jenna; two more for Rich; one for Sean; one more for Jenna; and finally, "J. For Jenna." Maybe this was done for the benefit of little Sabrina and Sadie watching at home, so they are aware the instant their mother gets the cold hard foot in the ass. As the vote is announced, Idiot Seanvant looks at someone sitting near him and makes the most amazing face like, "How could I have known," and I truly believed at this point that he was clueless to the plans of the alliance. Colleen is sobbing; you'd hardly know she voted for Jenna last week.
week on Survivor: Gervase becomes a daddy. Again. Kelly and Sue are "takin 'im down." But just who "'im" is, only Mark Burnett knows.
As the credits roll, Jenna tells us she had a great time on the island and that she feels she was targeted because of Sean's alphabet strategy. She says she has no hard feelings, but she appears kind of pissed off. We learn that Kelly cast the useless vote against Sean even though she could have been the deciding vote against Rich. She's dumb, but at least she's now officially "on her own."