Survivor TV Show - A Mystery Package - Survivor Recaps, Survivor Reviews, Survivor Episodes | TWoP

Aired 2011-04-27

The Julie-less tribe return to camp. Steve is feeling conciliatory towards Phillip, so he approaches him. They shake hands, and Steve says there's no need for either of them to apologize because they both said what they felt like they needed to say. Phillip interviews that Steve told him he wasn't a racist and shook his hand, but Phillip doesn't think he was being "totally genuine." Steve explains to Phillip that he didn't call Phillip crazy because he's black, but because he really does think Phillip is crazy. Ha! How much more genuine can you be? Phillip continues in the interview that he thought Steve's gesture was "self-serving." Right, unlike everyone else on this show who are always so selfless. I guess Phillip doesn't appreciate Steve still calling him crazy, or the women laughing at him in the background when he does it. He wants Steve to go . Which means he won't. For his part, Steve interviews that he thinks that Phillip should have been the one to reach out to him, but he didn't. I think Steve is still pissed at Phillip for accusing him of being a racist on a national television, which I don't blame him for. But, he says, he has to keep being friendly to the other alliance in the hopes that Rob will decide to keep him and Ralph around instead of the annoying and troublesome Phillip. Rob interviews that he has no intention of voting Phillip out any time soon, specifically because he's so annoying and troublesome.

The morning, Steve and Ralph sit by the fire and comment that they are the last of their tribe. "Where's numbnuts?" Steve then asks. He's talking about Phillip, of course, who he still can't stand despite his peacemaking attempt last night. So maybe Phillip was right to say he wasn't being genuine. Phillip, by the way, is walking along the beach with no pants on, thanks to Julie hiding them yesterday. Fortunately for Phillip, his Cherokee great-great-grandfather clued him in on where to find his swimsuit in an early morning vision. Phillip's great-great-grandfather has now played a bigger part in this show than 75% of Phillip's tribe. He grabs a shovel and starts digging around where his great-great-grandfather told him to. Also where Julie told him to, since I believe she dropped a few big hints at Tribal before she left. Oh, and also where the producers told him to, because they aren't about to spend the rest of this season looking at Phillip sans shorts, especially when it comes to water challenges. While ridiculous epic music plays, Phillip digs up his shorts and celebrates with "am I good or what?" I hope his great-great-grandfather yells at him for hogging all the credit in his vision. Phillip interviews about how he, as a Former Federal Agent? knows how to uncover the truth, while Julie "can't stand the truth" or "can't take the truth," as Phillip says in an attempt to quote Jack Nicholson's character from A Few Good Men. And, of course, being Phillip, he does it wrong. Phillip can't handle the correct wording of the A Few Good Men quote. Phillip walks into camp holding his shorts and carries on about how awesome he is. "Show me the cash! Life is like a box of candies!" he cries victoriously. He adds that people should know better than to mess with him, as it is "frutile." Yes, he said "frutile." One time I went to a local farmer's market hoping to find some fresh, reasonable-priced strawberries, but they were all way too expensive and not even that ripe. My effort was frutile.

By Sara M

Anyway, everyone else around camp is thrilled to see that Phillip's shorts are back, as they won't have to stare at his pink-underwear-clad ass all the time now. Just, like, half of the time. "We're at peace now," Steve says hopefully. He interviews that Phillip is a "different breed" and "a little crazy." He might want to stop calling Phillip crazy and talking about him being a breed if he doesn't want to be accused of racism again. "He's a freaking lunatic. They have to be getting tired of him, too," Steve adds, apparently unaware of the fact that anyone can put up with almost anything for $1 million. Phillip says he's looking forward to showing up at the Redemption Island arena with his shorts to show Julie that he found them after all. "With your shorts on," Rob says hopefully. Or maybe he just has so little faith in Phillip's ability to be normal that he feels the need to talk to him like a three-year-old who has to be reminded to put his clothes on his body. And I don't blame him, since, despite having found his shorts for the past hour, Phillip is still walking around camp holding them in his hand instead of wearing them on his body.

Julie makes herself at home on Redemption Island. She tells Mike that she slept well last night; the best she's slept since she's been on this show. Matt, on the other hand, says it's getting "harder and harder to get up every morning," due, it seems, to his crippling depression. Mike interviews that since Matt was blindsided a second time by the people he thought were his friends, he's been on a "downward spiral." He's also been blindsided by Jesus, who seems deaf to his constant pleas to let him leave this game. You know poor Matt is so young and attractive that this might be his first experience with rejection, especially rejection by other young pretty people and also Jesus. He's probably not mentally equipped to deal with it. He sadly walks to the beach while Julie and Mike watch and try not to be happy over the possibility that this will increase their chances to win the upcoming truel. They also talk shit about Andrea for truly stabbing Matt in the back, saying she is "not to be trusted." Which is lame, because I think Andrea would have gone along with Matt if he hadn't thrown them both under the bus with Rob. Matt cries in an interview that he's very sad and homesick and is only here because God seems to want him to be, although he has no idea why and seems to be getting sick and tired of God's will conflicting with his own. "God's literally been carrying me for the past four days," he sobs. Some would say that the single set of footprints in the sand are where Jesus abandoned Matt, but Matt chooses to believe that those are Jesus' footprints when he literally carried Matt. The truth is that those footprints do not belong to Jesus or Matt, but to Phillip's great-great-grandfather. "I'm just so over this game," Matt says.

By Sara M

The contestants take their seats in the Arena audience. Phillip is, indeed, wearing his shorts. Matt, Mike, and Julie walk in, and Phillip makes sure to show them off to her. She just smiles, as she's probably happy that he found his shorts. I think he expected her to be really pissed off, but his effort to anger Julie was frutile. Probst talks to Matt, saying he was in the regular game for just seven days and has been on Redemption Island for 21. He asks how Matt's doing with that. Matt claims he feels "overwhelming peace" about it and he feels like he has honored his God enough now that it'll be okay if he loses today. How convenient that when Matt doesn't want to play this game anymore, he gets a message from God telling him it's okay not to have to play it anymore. That said, at least he isn't just quitting like other people on this show have, Naonka and that blonde girl whose name I've already forgotten. Matt says he feels like he's accomplished whatever it was God wanted him to do. Oh. I guess God wanted him to cry like a little bitch on national television.

By Sara M

Of course, Probst has nothing to say to Mike or Julie, so he explains the challenge. It's shuffleboard. Each contestant has to slide his puck past a few "obstacles" and get it in the end zone. The first two contestants to get all three of their pucks in the end will stay in the game. The loser will leave. These challenges are getting worse and worse. It's like the editors want us to fall asleep. Or maybe they've given up hope on getting young people to watch and are just playing to a very elderly demographic who really like Rob. Anyway, Matt goes first and fails to score. Mike is second, and gets his puck in the end zone no problem. Julie slides her puck right into one of the obstacles and fails to score. They go again, and Matt again doesn't score, much to his delight, while Mike and Julie both get their pucks in the end zone. "Matt, you gotta get on the board!" Probst begs. "I'm working on it," Matt shrugs. Did Probst not hear the part where Matt clearly hates being here and wants to lose more than anything?

But then Jesus decides that his cruel joke on Matt must continue and Matt scores his first point. Andrea smiles at Matt, who shakes his head at her and looks about as angry as we've ever seen him. Mike and Julie fail to score, and Matt's fourth attempt nets him a second point. Mike and Julie miss again. On Matt's fifth attempt, he gets his third and final point as Jesus cackles and high-fives Saint Peter. Mike comes up just millimeters short of securing his victory, but Julie ends up getting a second puck in the end zone that knocks her first one out, keeping her with just one point. Mike gets his third puck in and wins. Julie isn't very upset, though, as she hugs Matt saying, "it was meant to be!"

Probst calls the three over and talks to Matt again, even though Julie is one who is leaving. He asks if Matt is getting frustrated with his God, and Matt says of course he isn't, and that apparently his God has plans for him still. Probst realizes that this game lasts 39 days and Jesus fasted for 40, like, way to make that connection weeks after the starving and stupid contestants did, Probst. Anyway, Probst remembers that Julie exists and asks her why she came on this show. Julie says she "didn't come out here to make friends," which is what everyone says except Matt, but because -- and here she actually stops smiling -- her house is in foreclosure and she needed the prize money for herself and her daughters. So suck on that, Matt and Mike. Look who you eliminated! Julie says that she didn't win the million dollars, but she's okay with that because this has changed her life and she wants to go to church now. How the hell are Matt and his ordeal inspiration to go to church? If anything, this makes me never, ever, ever want to go to church because Jesus is being so super mean to Matt. He'll probably foreclose on Julie's house like six times just for shits and giggles, if the way he's treated Matt is anything to go by. She should stay away from church. Probst tells Julie to leave and become the second member of the jury, and everyone (except Phillip) applauds her exit. Matt and Mike return to Redemption Island, and Andrea interviews that she hopes Matt comes back to the game so she can have a chance to explain herself to him, although she doubts he'd trust her again. Julie doesn't get any kind of exit interview or last words segment except for what she said to Probst, which really sucks. They could have at least used it as time filler. They need plenty of that.

By Sara M

Murlonio return to camp, and Andrea expresses her regret over Matt and stabbing him in the back. The other girls tell her that she had no choice, since Matt was clearly not interested in playing the game and still isn't. Rob tells her not to feel bad, since they all voted Matt out, not just her. Andrea says she played him the most and feels like she "broke his spirit." Andrea, you aren't Jesus. Stop hogging the credit. Andrea interviews that she feels bad on "a human level. Not on a game level." Uh oh! Better stop talking about human feelings, Andrea, or else -- oh, too late. Rob and Grant are already plotting her demise. Grant wants her to go first "when it comes time." I'm guessing he means the time after Steve and Ralph are gone, and it's smart of Grant to say that to Rob because he has to know that Rob will want Grant out ASAP. So throwing Andrea under the bus might keep Grant in the game for another week. Although I doubt Rob would fall for that. He'll vote Andrea out before Grant because he thinks she's friendlier with the other tribe and thus, most of the jury, than anyone else. Grant interviews that he's worried about Andrea and Matt's relationship resuming if he comes back from Redemption Island again. He adds that he's considering voting her out before the Zapato men, and it will depend on how the immunity challenge goes.

By Sara M

Thank you for the segue, Grant. We will now head into the Immunity Challenge, which will be a log roll. Contestants will be randomly selected to face off against each other. The loser is out and the winner moves on to the round until Grant is the last man standing and wins immunity. There will also be a reward this time, and Probst unveils a rather nasty-looking (but probably extremely delicious-looking to the starving people) Survivor Giant Chocolate Cake as well as a pitcher of milk with ice cubes in it and three glasses. Which means whoever wins will get to choose two people to share the prize with. Probst then holds up a small package and says it is "another twist" but he won't tell anyone what it is until "later."

The game begins with Rob facing off against Grant. They're both wearing shoes for some reason. I would totally do this barefoot; it seems like you'd be able to stay on the log better that way, right? Probst relishes in watching two strong young men like Grant and Rob battle it out for a while until Rob falls off and loses. "I love you, Rob!" Grant says. Rob doesn't look happy. Why hasn't he voted Grant out yet, anyway? The round is Andrea against Ashley. Ashley's hard work of beauty pageants and basketball has prepared her well for this, and she wins. The third round is Ralph against Steve. Probst asks Steve if he's ever done anything like this before. "I'm in a league," Steve says immediately, delighting Probst with his wit. Even though Ralph is standing outside of his designated purple-color-log-area, he's not disqualified. He uses tiny little steps and the fact that Steve is half-dead to win. For the final first round match-up, we have Phillip against Natalie. I really expected her to wipe the floor with Phillip, but he manages to hang on and beat her, even though he isn't wearing his feather for his challenge.

The second round begins with Grant against Ashley. Grant actually looks like he's going to slide off the log early on, but he somehow rights himself and manages to get her in the water seconds before him. Ralph then goes against Phillip, and Phillip again surprises me by being pretty good at this against Ralph, who I'm sure has done this kind of thing before on his farm somehow. It just seems like the kind of thing he'd do. While holding a chicken. Maybe five chickens. Anyway, Phillip manages to hold on for a little while, but soon loses to Ralph. That means Grant and Ralph are facing off for immunity and cake. Oh, and Probst's small package. Steve cheers for Ralph, even though a victory for Ralph would mean certain doom for Steve. Or maybe that's why he's cheering for Ralph. Anyway, Grant is now wearing no shoes, while Ralph chooses to keep his on. They both stay on the log for a while, and at one point it again looks like Grant is about to slide into the water, but he somehow moves his feet fast enough and has good enough balance to climb back up. Ralph tries to make noise and fling his arms around to distract Grant, but it doesn't work. Finally, Grant is able to roll Ralph off the log for his inevitable win.

By Sara M

Probst puts the necklace around Grant and says that even though he's sure that Grant has "a mouth full of sweet teeth" (the fuck?), that giant cake is too big for just one person. So, of course, Grant gets to pick someone to eat it with him. And again, of course, Grant picks Rob. But there were three glasses to that pitcher, which means Grant gets to pick one more person. Ralph tries bribery: "I'd hug your neck if you let me eat some of that." Probst says that offer probably took Ralph out of contention for the cake. Yeah, like he was ever in contention. No matter what he said or did to get Grant to pick him would have been a frutile effort. The second Grant picks someone from Zapato to have that cake is the second Rob votes his ass out for being too friendly with the other tribe of future jurors. "I'm not a gay person but I don't know what else to do," Ralph says. Ultimately, Grant picks Andrea. The rest of the contestants make sour faces and have to watch Rob, Grant, and Andrea eat as much cake and drink as much milk as they can in just two minutes. Probst also tosses the losers his mystery package, but says they aren't allowed to open it until Tribal Council. While we watch Rob, Grant, and Andrea pig out, Grant voiceovers that he chose Andrea to eat the cake so that she'd feel comfortable in their alliance and not suspect a possible blindside. We go to commercial on a slow-motion shot of Andrea with her mouth full of cake and face smeared with chocolate, which I'm sure she just loved seeing when she was watching this back at home, no doubt surrounded by friends and family.

By Sara M

Back from the break, we watch a bunch of whales swim around in what could have been Julie's good-bye speech time. So that's now whales, Jesus, and Phillip's great-great-grandfather who have gotten more camera time than Julie. The tribe returns to camp, Steve holding the Mystery Package. Andrea interviews that no one knows what the Package is about, but they're guessing it'll be some kind of Tribal Council twist, like they have to turn around and vote out a second person right after they vote out Ralph or Steve. Fine by me! Why not make the surprise that everyone has to leave the show and be replaced with a new cast of people who don't suck? Phillip can stay.

Andrea interviews that the package makes her a little nervous, but not too much since if they have to vote a second person out, there will still be someone from Zapato there, making it an easy vote. She doubts that her alliance, who have so much faith and trust in each other, would vote out for one of them before Ralph and Steve. Those would be famous last words if this were a normal season of this show that wasn't completely predictable and ruined by Rob. Meanwhile, Ralph tries to communicate with Steve, but has trouble due to his inability to actually communicate. I think he's saying he's disappointed that he didn't get further on the show but feels like he did his best. He interviews that he's pretty sure he's going home tonight, and his only hope is Probst's mystery package. I hope he isn't putting too much faith in that thing. No way is Probst going to save Ralph, who engineered the downfall of his beloved Li'l Russell. Actually, come to think of it, how much to you want to bet that Li'l Russell is actually in the package and he's going to pop out and re-enter this game?

Anyway, Steve does his usual complaining about how weak he is and how he doesn't have it in him to continue while Rob interviews that he could be nice and vote Steve out, but it's smarter to get rid of Ralph, who has more energy and thus the potential to stir things up. Rob then complains about the mystery package to his allies, saying "I don't understand why there has to be a twist." Um, probably because the producers have to do something to keep this season somewhat interesting after you basically ruined it by keeping your alliance locked up so tight that there was no possibility of instilling suspense going into Tribal Councils. Rob interviews that going into Tribal tonight he has to make sure he has all kinds of back-up plans and votes to cover any possibility. Basically, he's going to vote Ralph out, and then, if they have to vote again, it'll be between Steve and Andrea. Rob tells Natalie and Ashley that he and Grant are worried about Andrea's bond with the other tribe, and thinks they should vote her out after Ralph if it comes up tonight. Of course, they totally agree with him and say they'll do it. This could be their chance to get together with Andrea, Steve, and Ralph and vote Rob or even Phillip out, but they won't. They won't even think about it. Ashley interviews that Rob is smart and has played this game before, so she's going to just do whatever he tells her.

By Sara M

Steve walks up to Natalie and Ashley, who are lounging in some chairs, and says he and Ralph are voting for Rob tonight, and the Three Degrees could vote with them and turn this game "upside down" before Rob picks them off, which he probably will in favor of going to the end with "Nimrod" (Phillip), who no one will vote for. He's totally right, not to mention that Natalie and Ashley's only shot at getting jury votes at this point would be if they screwed Rob over and thus gained the respect of the rest of the jury. But they are idiots and lazy, so they just tell Steve that they'll "consider it" when they clearly will not. Steve walks away, and Ashley turns to Natalie says that Steve's plan would be a good one for them "if we actually wanted Andrea in on it. But we don't." Oh. So they're not going to make what seems like the best move for them because they don't like Andrea, probably because she's prettier than they are. The girls dutifully run up to Rob and tell him what Steve told them and that they "obviously" have no intention of voting for Rob as he asked. Rob mumbles that Steve and Ralph are going to try to do anything they can to stay in the game, and they all just have to stick together. Rob interviews that for daring to do something to get him voted out, Steve might go before Ralph. And they both should probably go before Andrea.

By Sara M

They arrive at Tribal Council. Probst says that the past several Tribals have seen a member of Zapato go to Redemption Island, and asks if the same will happen tonight. Rob says probably, unless "there's something that we don't know about." Steve agrees, saying "the writing's on the wall" for his tribe and none of their efforts to break up the Onomatopoeia alliance have gone anywhere. All efforts, in fact, have been frutile. But, he says, he told certain members of the other tribe who he and Ralph are planning to vote for tonight and if they decide to go with them, it would be a game-changer. Probst asks Andrea if Steve doesn't raise a good point, that this might be the time to make a move in this game. Andrea says that "does make sense strategically," but she's not going to do it and doesn't think anyone else in her alliance will, either, since they are "rock solid" and stupid and boring and lazy.

Probst asks Ralph if he realizes that it's probably either him or Steve going tonight. Ralph says he does, and it's probably going to be him since he performed better than Steve did in the challenge. Steve agrees, making sure to point out to the other tribe that Ralph is much stronger in challenges than he is. Probst makes fun of Steve, imitating him as he says to Rob that Steve is saying all the right things to make it in the game one vote further than Ralph. Rob says that's true. Grant speaks up for, like, the first time in Tribal all season, saying that Steve is not a quitter, which he knows because they were both in the NFL. And there are no quitters in the NFL! Except Ricky Williams. Although he did come back. Phillip agrees that Steve isn't as "feeble" as he's trying to make the others think he is, and could be a surprise challenge threat.

Probst gives Steve what may be his last chance to speak up and defend himself. Steve uses that to remind "the girls" that Rob has cut his allies' throats in games past, specifically Lex, although Steve doesn't actually mention his name. "It will get brutal after Ralph and I are gone," he warns. Probst, of course, explains that Steve is talking about when Rob and Amber allied and made it to the end, but not without begging another contestant for his help to keep Amber in the game and then immediately turning around and voting that contestant out after he gave it. Probst then decides to defend Rob by saying that he might have betrayed Lex, but he never betrayed his original ally, Amber. Rob says Amber is still his ally. Aw. But not too much aw, since I'm getting really sick of Rob. They vote.

By Sara M

As Grant walks over to vote, Steve turns to Natalie and urges her to side with him and Ralph, whispering "let's do it! Let's do it!" Meanwhile, Ralph manages to spell Rob's name correctly. Probst returns with the urn, and, so predictably, Rob gets two votes from Ralph and Steve and Ralph gets the rest. And everyone spells his name correctly, annoyingly enough. I was hoping for some revenge in the form of seriously ridiculously name misspellings. Probst snuffs Ralph's torch, and Ralph says "see ya, Jeff." But wait! "Not so fast!" Probst says. Ralph's heart skips a beat, but all Probst meant was that Ralph almost forgot to take his stupid torch. Ralph grabs it and leaves for Redemption Island.

But wait! There are fifteen minutes of show and one Mystery Package left! Steve opens it, and reveals a set of cards. "This could be interesting," David mutters to Julie. I doubt it, but keep hope alive, David. Steve reads off a card, which says they are going to compete in an immunity challenge right now, followed by another vote. Hooray! That just means this season will end that much sooner, right?

We go to a break, then pick up with Steve reading that card again. You know the editors were happy that Steve read the card because he speaks so slowly that it filled that much more time. Probst hands out a stack of cards to all the contestants and takes the immunity necklace away from Grant. "Steve's gotta win," Julie obviouses. Probst hangs the immunity necklace on its special Tribal Council Challenge podium holder and explains the challenge: he's going to show the contestants a series of symbols on cards, and they must memorize that sequence and repeat it back to him, one symbol at a time, using their cards. If they miss a symbol, they're out of the challenge until one person is left, who will be the winner. Once again, this is totally not suspenseful since if Steve wins, we know Andrea is going. And if Steve loses, then we know Steve is going. But let's get to it. Probst shows this sequence: canteen, hook, pot, fire, canteen, pot, fire. That sequence was so simple that I still knew it when I wrote this recap two days after watching it. Of course, I do have a photographic memory and I'm not starving or insane, so it is much easier for me. For some of these contestants, winning might be a frutile effort.

By Sara M

With that, everyone manages to get the first and second symbols correct. For the third one, Natalie seems unsure, but ultimate guesses correctly along with the rest. The fourth symbol is where things fall apart. Phillip and Natalie guess knife and machete respectively and are out. I don't know if we should blame Phillip's fictional Former Federal Agent? training or his great-great-grandfather for his failure here. Grant and Andrea bow out on the fifth symbol, leaving just Ashley, Rob, and Steve in the challenge. On the sixth symbol, Ashley and Steve guess fire while Rob goes for the pot. Guess what? Rob is right. He wins, and Steve loses and knows that he just cost himself another few days in this game. Andrea votes for Steve, as do, I'm sure, everyone else except for Steve, who goes for his NFL brother Grant. Sure enough, Probst reads the votes and Steve is gone. He'll join Ralph and like half the remaining cast on Redemption Island. I hope he hid whatever was left of Zapato's rice and their container on his way to Tribal. Probst says that now that all the Zapatos are gone, Onomatopoeia will have to start actually playing this game. Or, you know, they could all assume that Rob has a Final Three alliance with them and watch as he either blindsides them out of the game or takes them to the end and then wins.

Oh, and over the credits, Ralph arrives at Redemption Island and interviews that he's still optimistic, as he thinks (as do I, actually) that whoever wins Redemption Island will be placed in the Final Three and if that person is from Zapato, he'll win the million dollars. Then Steve arrives and the show ends.

You can read more from Sara Morrison at L.A.me, follow her on Twitter, or you can email her at saramorrison@gmail.com.