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Angels really seem to be lost without a leader, so they've been spending much of their time on Earth picking someone with whom they can side in the race to get back to Heaven. There's Bartholomew, whom we've already seen working with televangelist Buddy Boyle, and then there's newcomer Malachi, who likes to recruit glee clubs as his agents of mass murder. When the Winchesters turn up to investigate the scene of one of these killing sprees, they find Castiel already on the job, posing as an FBI agent. He's doing a fairly competent job of it, because this is one of those weeks he gets to be smart.
Both Dean and Ezekiel panic at seeing him, for different reasons. Dean is worried that Sam and Castiel will compare notes and discover he lied to both of them, while Ezekiel claims to be worried that Castiel will draw angelic attention to him. Dean quickly explains the real deal to Castiel, so at least this time there are no hurt feelings. Meanwhile, Sam wonders why he keeps experiencing weird gaps in his memory. Dean's like, "TRIALS!"
Castiel, once again on his own, prays for help. A well-meaning angel heeds his call, but inadvertently gets them both captured by Malachi. Castiel endures a torture session in which he learns, among other things, that Ezekiel died in the fall. He manages to escape by convincing one of Malachi's thugs that he can get them back into Heaven, then steals the thug's grace and becomes an angel again. It's disappointingly easy and anticlimactic. As soon as he's free, he calls Dean with the news. He doesn't know who is possessing Sam, but it's definitely not Ezekiel.
Guess who does know, though? Metatron. The Lord's scribe is back on Earth, after realizing how boring Heaven is. He would like to repopulate it with a few, choice angels. He approaches the one shacked up in Sam, whom he recognizes as Gadreel, once locked away by God for allowing temptation into Eden. Gadreel insists he wasn't at fault, and only wants to do good things and clear his name. Metatron convinces Gadreel that he can help him do just that, and all he needs is proof that Gadreel is loyal. As with most gang initiations, Metatron requires that Gadreel kill someone for him.
Back at the Lair O' Letters, Dean and Kevin work up a spell to suppress an angel long enough to talk to his vessel without any eavesdropping. Dean uses this on Sam to confess everything to him, from the coma to making a deal with Ezekiel, to finding out it's not really Ezekiel. He pleads with Sam to eject the mystery angel, but Sam just punches him in the face and goes stomping through the LOL in a hissy. Turns out it wasn't Sam at all, but Gadreel, who messed with the spell so that it wouldn't work on him. On his way out, he grabs the angel tablet and then fries Kevin Tran from the inside out. Dean cries and cries, but not even his manly tears of pain are enough to bring back the Lord's Littlest Prophet. Goodbye, Kevin Tran, unless the show resurrects you like it does almost everybody else. Stay tuned for the full recap.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!THEN! At the start of the season, Dean prayed to Castiel, asking for help with Sam, who was imitating a noodle kugel after his bout with that last "hell gate" trial. Unbeknownst to Dean at the time, Castiel was no longer an angel. Metatron had taken out his grace and used it for a spell to cast the angels out of Heaven. As a result, Castiel spent some time bumming around as a bum, because along with his grace he also lost his sense of direction and couldn't figure out how to make it 400 miles due east to the Lair O' Letters. Kevin Tran finally got an invite to the LOL, though, where he proved to be kind of a useless Prophet of the Lord, unable to translate the Angel Tablet. Meanwhile, the angels were finding human vessels to possess, thanks to a televangelist named Buddy Boyle and an uptight angel named Bartholomew. With his fallback angel now human, Dean turned to another for help. This one said his name was Ezekiel, and promised to heal Sam from the inside. Dean had to keep it a secret from Sam, lest little bro eject his angelic hitchhiker like a warm tuna salad sandwich.
NOW! A chipper white bus putters along a country road in Caribou, Wyoming. Its occupants sing "This Little Light of Mine" in perfect harmony. Clearly they're going to be evil, right? The bus is plastered with bumper stickers exhorting other motorists to honk if they love Jesus, along with a sign letting us know that this is the transportation of choice for the Melody Ministry Glee Club. They pull up outside a dilapidated old saloon, dubbed the Round 'Em Up Bar. Several motorcycles are parked out front, along with whatever old cars the crew could muster up. Eleven ladies in crisp, white cotton dresses and apricot-hued cardigans walk into the bar and line up in front of the door like they're about the invited the patrons to play a game of Red Rover. The bar's patrons (bikers in denim and riding leather, with long hair or shaved pates) look up from their mugs of beer. The bikers form a line parallel to the ladies. "You shouldn't be here," says one of the bikers. "We have just as much right to be here as you do, brother," says a petite blond lady. Everybody flicks angel blades out from their sleeves and into their hands.
From outside, we see the ensuing battle. Lights flash from angelic death throes, windows shatter dramatically. In a few moments, the fight is over, and the glee club emerges victorious, their white dresses and cardigans painted with blood. With self-satisfied smiles, they climb back onto their bus and begin singing once again. "This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine!" What's with angels taking buses this season? If they're too weak to flit about, they really shouldn't be picking fights. But then that would be asking for rational thought from loonies, so, never mind. Supernatural has wings!
The Winchesters are driving to or from someplace in the middle of the night, in the perpetual rainstorm that follows their every move. "So, he's better?" Dean asks. "Yes, Sam is much improved," says the thing that looks like Sam, currently sitting in the passenger seat. "It shouldn't be much longer now." Dean points out that Ezekiel has been telling him this for a while now, and that he'd like his brother back. But Zeke's not done healing or talking. "I must say, Dean, I am very uncomfortable with this whole trip," he says. Maybe if you took that stick out of your ass. "Investigating crimes involving angels -- or anything involving angels -- puts me, and therefor Sam, at risk." Dean says this is what they do. Remember the family business? "If we ignore it, Sam's gonna know something fishy is going on." Dean realizes that Zeke has been eavesdropping on Sam's day-to-day life, and that's how he knows about the current job. Zeke says he only catches a word here and there.
Dean starts to say something, but Zeke cuts out and Sam pops back through again. Zeke is like one of those people who hangs up the phone without saying goodbye. Jerk. Sam picks up from whatever conversation he was having before Zeke took over. "I mean, I was gonna say it seems like it's getting really quiet out there." That's because the show is terrible at keeping more than one plot going at a time. Remember Abaddon? What's she up to? Sam says Buddy Boyle hasn't been broadcasting lately. "Obviously the calm before the storm," Dean says. Sam looks out the window and notices they're a lot closer to Fort Collins than they were a second ago. Dean tries to make like Sam is being paranoid since Vesta freaked him out, but apparently this kind of thing has been happening more and more lately. Sam says he's missing chunks of time. "There are times like I'm not here!" He doesn't want to hear Dean blame it on the trials again, but Dean is insistent. "Would I lie?" he asks with a big, phony smile.
Biker bar. The Winchesters flash their FBI badges at the cop manning the door. "Ah, one of your guys is here already," the cop says. Sam and Dean try to not look too surprised, and head on inside. There, they find the bloody aftermath of the angel fight. Soot stains the floor wherever one of the biker angels fell. Tables and chairs are upended. Precious, precious beer pours from forgotten bottles. They find the other FBI agent talking to a local detective. "Ah, my colleagues," the agent says in a familiarly gravelly voice. For he is actually Castiel, and he is wearing a dark blue suit again, and all is right with the world again, if just for a moment. Dean looks a wee bit annoyed. Sam looks like his face is having spasms. He and Castiel greet each other as agents. "Cass, what the hell are you doing?" Dean asks prissily. "I still have that badge you gave me," Castiel says, especially pleased with himself. He should be not only pleased, but amazed, holding onto that thing all through Purgatory and becoming human and throwing away all his old clothes and living as a hobo. He says he thought he could help. "Yeah, but you know this is angel situation," Sam says, lowering his voice. "I mean you left that night because the angels were on your ass." Not in the fun way, either. Castiel stares at him in confusion while Dean hurries to change the subject. Like, hey, what about your very prestigious job at the convenience store that I pooped on a few weeks ago? Castiel says it's worth the risk. The Winchesters look doubtful, so he says cheerfully, "Hey, Cass is back in town!" There's your sound bite for the week, CW promo monkeys.
Castiel shows them photos of the bodies before they were removed from the crime scene. "These angels were butchered with much more violence than was required," he notes. Castiel and I have very different definitions of excessive violence. At least the bodies are still whole. Dean wonders if Bartholomew is responsible, but Sam thinks they should check into other factions. After Castiel wanders off to do... whatever, Ezekiel pops back up. He's not terribly sneaky about popping in and out of Sam, is he? What if someone were to notice the Lite-Brite eyes? Dean just looks tired of all this shit and walks away from him before he can say anything. That's just great, because to Sam it's going to look like his brother just vanished into thin air as soon as Zeke gives him back control of his body.
In a dark factory yard somewhere, two limousines pull up to each other. The chauffeurs get out of their respective cars; one of them wears the telltale gray suit of a bureaucrat, while the other wears black leather and jeans. Poor Man's Cobie Smulders gets out of the bureaucrat's limo, while one of the glee club singers gets out of the other. She's accompanied by a weasel-y guy with a goatee and a swing haircut that I just cannot take seriously. "Good evening, Malachi," says Poor Man's Cobie Smulders. "Where is he?" asks the weasel Malachi. They both sound super Canadian. PMCS says Bartholomew was much too busy to come to the meeting, which pisses off Malachi just a wee bit. He says they all want to take Heaven back from Metatron, and the only way they can do that is to work together. "If Bartholomew wants to avoid all-out warfare here on Earth, then he'll meet with me personally to negotiate terms." PMCS scoffs. "I'm sorry," she says. Barty Bart doesn't negotiate with street thugs, she says, but he does underestimate street thugs. That's how the bureaucrats get taken by surprise when Malachi and his minions go on the attack. "And so it begins," Malachi says to nobody in particular, as he stands over the dead bodies of his brethren.
The Winchesters and their plus-one gather at a local bar for beers and chitchat. "It is so good being together again," Castiel says. He points out this is his first beer as a human. Surprising he held out this long, isn't it? If any situation requires immediate and profound drunkenness, it's losing one's wings and falling from grace. "I hope it's okay, me joining you," he says. "Why wouldn't it be okay?" Sam asks. Dean's face goes, "Oh, shit." Mr. Roper is going to find out you've been lying about the roommate situation! Luckily, Castiel doesn't say anything while Dean is scrambling to come up with some way to change the subject. "Are you sure you're ready to jump back into all this?" Dean asks. "It seemed to me like you'd actually found some peace." Castiel, slurring his words a bit, says, "Hey, you once told me you don't choose what you do -- it chooses you." He's already in that "I love you, man," stage of drinking and punctuates the platitude with a wink.
They get down to the business of figuring out who's doing the fighting and why. Bartholomew wants to reverse Metatron's spell, Castiel says, so he can take back Heaven. "That's according to April," he says. "The Reaper you banged," Dean helpfully clarifies, adding, "She was hot." Castiel casts his eyes heavenward, agreeing, "So hot, and very nice up to when she started torturing me." What a weird thing to reminisce about. It's almost as if the show doesn't take female violence seriously! Castiel stumbles away to procure another round of beers.
Sam's eyes flash and his spine goes rigid, signifying Zeke's return. "Well, what are you going to do about this?" he asks prissily. He wants Castiel gone before he can start drawing a bunch of angels toward them. "What is it that you're so afraid of?" Dean asks. "When I chose to heal Sam, I chose sides," Zeke says. "That means I am not in good standing with certain angels." Except he says it like "cert-tain," all super enunciated and funny. Dean doesn't buy that argument, because, as he points out, it's not like Castiel is shying away from the fight and he's not on good standing with any of the angels. Zeke is at that point in an argument where he just wants to grab his ball and flounce away from the playground in a huff, so he pretends like he has to go to the car for some reason. Dean should maybe find some way to remind him to duck back into Sam's innards before doing so, because it's really going to confuse baby bro when he wakes up outside in the parking lot.
As Samzekiel heads outside, somebody walks up behind him. "Well, I'm really looking forward to this," a man's voice says. "Excuse me?" asks Samzekiel. He turns to see a scruffy little guy in a parka. It's Metatron, previously known as Marv, previously known as Booger. Metatron scoffs at Samzekiel's little innocent act. "I know who you really are," he says, waggling his finger with impish glee. "And it isn't Ezekiel," he says. Sam's borrowed face aims for something between innocence and surprise, and lands on frightened constipation.
Inside the bar, Castiel is showing that, at least where Dean is concerned, he's pretty good at picking up on human signals. "I notice you look uncomfortable whenever Sam mentions my leaving," he says. "Doesn't he know that you told me to leave?" How much of Sam's situation does Castiel actually know? Because all Dean explains is that Sam is still sick. He doesn't say anything about Sam being stuffed full of angel. When Castiel says he thought Ezekiel healed Sam, Dean seems to skirt around that subject, saying that he has do whatever it takes to get Sam back. "It's great to have your help, Cass," Dean says, "but we just can't work together." All the while, this lonesome steel guitar music plays on the jukebox, like the soundtrack to a sad breakup scene.
"Relax, I'm not here to out you," Metatron says. "But I am curious -- why Ezekiel?" The angel inside Sam makes a bunch of odd faces. "They say he is a good... and... honorable... angel," he says haltingly. (In case you couldn't tell from all the ellipses in there.) Metatron sighs with understanding. "Everything they say you are not. I see your point, Gadreel." That's how my Closed Captioning spells it, so that's how I'm spelling it, too, as opposed to the more common "Gadriel" variation. The downside is that I keep mistyping it as "Gagreel." The implication gets Gadreel's feathers all in a ruffle. "The stories about me, they are not true!" Except it comes out all in a jumble: TheStoriesAboutMeTheyAreNotTrue! According to Metatron, Gad has spent the past many thousands of years locked up in Heaven's dungeons. For some reason, God stuffed him in there instead of just outright exiling him like, say, Lucifer. "It broke His heart to lock you away, you know," Metatron says. "You were God's most trusted. That's why he chose you to protect the Garden. Your one task was to keep Evil from entering, from befouling his most cherished creation: mankind." Gad says it wasn't his fault that the serpent got inside. He looks like he's going to cry. "What is it you want of me, Metatron?" Metatron sighs and tries to come across like he hasn't planned every word of this speech. "I just want to be your friend," he says. He points out that he was the one who freed Gadreel, along with all the other imprisoned angels, when he caused them to fall from Heaven. "You're welcome," he says when Gadreel just stares at him in shock.
A thought suddenly occurs to Gadreel: "There are no angels in Heaven? None at all?" Metatron says he thought at first that's what he wanted. "But my solitude is getting tedious!" Gadreel tosses his borrowed hair about, and lifts his borrowed chin in stoic fashion, and asks, "And so?" Metatron seizes on Gad's interest: "And so: Plan B!" He says he wants to rebuild Heaven with a chosen few. "No more anemic functionaries like Bartholomew, and no more stupid angels." Well, that excludes 99% of them, right off the bat. Also, wasn't there supposed to be a shortage of angels? Sometimes they act like angels are an endangered species, and sometimes they act like they've got angels out the wazoo. "You were his most trusted, Gadreel," Metatron says. "You want to take back your reputation? You want to reclaim the Heaven that was? We could do this together." Gadreel looks tempted, and maybe a little gassy.
The Winchesters return to the LOL. Sam seems to be in possession of himself once more, and expresses some concern for Castiel. Apparently Dean's angelic boyfriend took off without any explanation, and Dean doesn't offer one now except to say that Castiel has been acting strangely ever since he became human. That's supposed to put an end to Sam's questions? Well, it does for now, if only because they move on to the matter of the dead bikers. "His name was Red Dog," Sam says of one of the corpses. "Of course it was," Dean snorts. Let he who is without silly nickname cast the first stone, Dee-Dawg. Despite Dean's preconceived notions about bikers, it turns out this one was a church-going family man who played Santa every Christmas. Sam pulls up a picture on his laptop, showing all the victims in happier times. "Get this – they were all baptized together." A winged patch on Red Dog's vest declares him a member of "Boyle's Boys." Sam reads a quote from Red Dog's wife saying her husband came home a "changed man" one night after a prayer meeting. "So Boyle's at it again, selling people on being meat suits," Dean grumps. Maybe he was trying to heal people from within, Dean. He figures whoever slaughtered them must be even worse than Bartholomew's faction.
To provide evidence to back up Dean's intuition, the show drops in on the leader of the Melody Ministry Glee Club. She's tiny and blond and likes to sing, like Kristin Chenoweth, but with an evil angel inside. She's Kristin Cherubweth. She's out in the woods somewhere talking to a small group of young people around a toasty campfire. "I so appreciate the opportunity to address your bible study group," she says. "I admire your passion, your energy, your devotion!" Above the treetops, smoky glowing smoke swirls around as Kristin Cherubweth tells these young gullible things that they're just what God and the angels are looking for. She exhorts them to stand and join hands. "Now, feel the heavenly host embrace you! Embrace them back! The angels want nothing more than to feel your love! In the name of Malachi, let them in!" The young folk gaze upward at the swirling lights, happy as can be, when the normal reaction to such a sight would be losing control of one's bowels and running away as fast as one's rapidly filling underpants would allow. As Kristin Cherubweth raises her arms dramatically, a bunch of the bureaucrat angels descend upon her and the bible study group. Angel blades come out, lights flash, Malachi's new recruits go down. The camera focuses on the growing bloodstain on Kristin Cherubweth's crisp, white dress. Cotton: it was the fabric of your life.
The day, Metatron and Gadreel meet somewhere by the freeway. "Frankly, I never got used to them," Metatron says. He's talking about humans. They're emotional basket cases. Gadreel agrees: "Sam Winchester? It is a mess in here. And the brother? I do not know where to start." Metatron says he can free him from all this messy humanity. "You would be the ruler of this new Heaven, correct?" asks Gadreel. "It is a burden I feel I must accept," Metatron says, after making a show of great reluctance. "Then, does that not make you God?" Gadreel asks. Metatron giggles, unable for a moment to contain his glee at the very idea. "I don't know that I'd take on that name necessarily. When the time comes, we'll call me... X." He says it like it's something he's just spit balling on the spot when you know he's already daydreamed several scenarios wherein he introduces himself in just this way.
Somewhere, still on the job, Castiel has managed to procure himself a tidy little motel room. He kneels beside the bed and folds his hands neatly together. "Okay, I am unfamiliar with this end of the process," he says by way of apology. "Of course, no one may be listening, but, um, I do need assistance." He closes his eyes, very earnest in his appeal. He tries many prayer poses from different religious faiths while the daylight wanes from the windows behind him. "I don't know how humans do it," he says, exhausted.
He goes over to the TV and fiddles with the knobs, to no effect. "Try plugging it in," says a woman's voice from outside. Castiel opens the door to find a lady park ranger. "Surely that wasn't the answer you were seeking," she says. "You're an angel," Castiel says. "Muriel," she introduces herself. She looks at him -- really looks at him -- for the first time and realizes who he is. She turns to go. "It can't be known that I even spoke to you," she says. "I just need a moment," he says. There's no resisting those big, pleading eyes.
At the LOL, Kevin pores over the angel tablet without luck. "Crowley said the spell to cast out the angels was irreversible," he reminds Dean. He stares harder at the tablet. "This part is nearly indecipherable." Isn't it all indecipherable, and that's why you can't read any of it? He thinks maybe Metatron was trying to keep the words hidden, even from the prophets. Sam returns from Gadreel's outing, or maybe it's still Gadreel, since he isn't wondering aloud why he was missing for the past 10 hours. Dean fills him in on the campground massacre. Long, boring story short: Dean linked Kristin Cherubweth to the deaths in the Wyoming biker bar. For a mid-season finale, this episode sure does have a lot of drawn-out scenes of people just standing (or sitting) around and talking…and talking and talking.
By now, Castiel has related his story to Muriel, but she's not sure whether or not she should believe him. "I should still turn you in," she says. "But you won't," he says. "I think you instinctively trust me." He says neither of them wants any part of the fanatics. She wonders why he felt safe praying when he could have attracted one of those very fanatics. He says he was hoping he would sound like some randomly desperate human -- which is kind of what he is now -- and that they wouldn't care about him. He asks her about the war brewing between Bartholomew and the other, unknown-to-him angel. She tells him the new rival is Malachi. Castiel, recognizing the name, calls him an anarchist. Funny thing about a lot of people who claim to be anarchists: they don't oppose hierarchical rule as long as they're at the top of the hierarchy. Muriel says Malachi is worse than Bartholomew in some ways. Angels are being forced to pick sides. Those who, like her, want to stay out of it, are being captured and tortured. Right on cue, Malachi's thugs kick down the door and bring them to...
... some places that looks like they re-purposed that lame Hell set, from when Sam rescued Bobby's soul. Screams echo from behind closed doors that line a dimly lit hallway. Castiel has already been chained to the ceiling by his wrists, partially deprived of his shirt and beaten about the face and neck. Muriel sits slumped against a pillar, badly bruised and clinging to consciousness. "This is a bonus, Castiel," says Malachi and his dorky haircut. "We were tracking Muriel -- cowardly holdout that she is -- and, wonder of wonders, she led us to you." "Not knowingly," clarifies Muriel. Castiel maintains that he doesn't know how Metatron's spell worked. "I was an unwitting accomplice," he says. To go with his silly hairstyle, Malachi also has a bushy goatee that looks like a particularly luxuriant merkin. How was his first act not to get his vessel some better grooming? Anyway, Malachi doesn't care if Castiel didn't know how the spell worked. He still thinks Castiel knows Metatron's weakness. He turns to his minion and says, "Theo." Theo is a big, lumbering brute of a guy, with a thick scar across his face. He grabs a handful of Castiel's pretty, pretty hair and jerks back his head. He drags the tip of his angel blade down Castiel's bare chest. For once, the show didn't cheap out on the effect, and shows a realistic gouge in his flesh in the wake of the blade. Usually they just show a line of red that obviously came from the weapon being dipped in fake blood before the shot. Which is to say: ew.
Theo steps back to allow Malachi to question Castiel again. "You'd suffer -- even die -- for your beliefs. I get it. But is Metatron... worth your life? More importantly, is Metatron worth her life?" He glances down at Muriel. "No, she's innocent," Castiel says. "You leave her alone." Malachi gives the nod to Theo, who guts Muriel over Castiel's protests.
Immediate aftermath. "We're angels butchering angels," Castiel says over Muriel's body. Oddly enough, the tag on her uniform says her name is Muriel Ryan. Did the angel just luck into a vessel that already had an angelic name, or did she get that job after possession? "I'm just following your example," Malachi manages to say through his merkin. "How many did you kill in Heaven? How many in the fall?" Castiel looks surprised; this is the first he's heard of angels dying because of the spell. "Oh, a host of angels died in the fall," Malachi says. "Azrael, Sophia, Ezekiel... 'Died' doesn't begin to describe it." Malachi goes on about their pain and suffering, but Castiel has latched onto this news about dead Ezekiel. Malachi hands the torture session back to Theo, then leaves the room. Bad guys always be leaving rooms when good guys need to escape.
Theo closes the door, then makes a big show of picking out gruesome torture devices. "Give me a quick death," Castiel says, squeezing his eyes shut. Theo holds a huge syringe up to Castiel's neck, then leans in close. "I need you to speak to speak to Metatron," he whispers. Castiel dares to open his eyes again, just a crack. "Everyone knows you have influence, he'll listen to you," Theo says. "Ask him to raise me to Heaven." At first, Castiel is too shocked to respond. Tentatively, perhaps expecting a trick, he points out that Theo serves Malachi. "I thought he was the answer, but he's crazy," Theo says. "You're noticing this now?" Castiel asks. Heh. Theo promises to talk to Metatron about restoring Castiel's grace. Castiel gets a gleam in his eyes as he realizes Theo is sincere... and gullible. He admits that he's working with Metatron, but makes noises about reluctant to bring Theo into things. This puts Theo in the position of having to beg for Castiel's help. He's then more than happy to unchain Castiel when asked. Castiel says he'll contact Metatron. "But you have something I'll need," he says. "Anything," Theo promises. Castiel grabs a free angel blade and slashes Theo right across his Adam's apple. His grace comes spraying out, which Castiel then sucks down. I feel like I just watched some weird snowballing thing.
Castiel starts glowing from the inside, bright and brighter, until he sort of supernovas. When the light fades, his wounds are all healed. Theo has been watching the whole thing in a state of shock, bleeding from the neck. Even though he's basically a harmless human being now, Castiel smites him with a mojo hand to the forehead. That... can't be all there is to it, can it? Just steal somebody else's grace with a nick to the throat? There better be some funky repercussions to this, like Castiel suffers from grace transplant rejection, or something.
When Malachi returns to the torture chamber some time later, he finds the hallway outside littered with the dead bodies of his minions. Theo lies slumped against the wall, smoke still pouring out of his empty eye sockets.
Back at the LOL, Dean can't find Sam anywhere. "Hey, have you seen Sam?" he asks Kevin. "He went out," Kevin says. "Have you noticed he's been doing that a lot?" Dean's reaction shows that he hasn't noticed. Sam's like one of those kids on The Walking Dead who's always wandering off and nobody realizes until it's too late.
Castiel finds a working payphone and calls Dean. "I don't have a lot of time," he says. "The leader of the opposition is an angel named Malachi." He explains Malachi captured and tortured him, but that he got away. Dean's first question isn't "OMG are you all right and is your beautiful face damaged?" but "How?" Castiel, ashamed, explains, "I became what they became: a barbarian." The blood all down the front of his shirt looks like raspberry jam, and not very much like blood in the harsh light of day. Dean wants to know where Castiel is going, but Castiel thinks its better they stay apart. "I'll be okay – I got my grace back," he says, then corrects himself: "Well, not mine, per se, but it'll do." Dean is surprised to hear that Castiel is an angel again. "Are you okay with that?" he asks. "If we're going to war, I need to be ready," Castiel says. Plus, it's going to cut way down on his grocery bills. Dean's still trying to wrap his head all around this when Castiel drops the bomb that Ezekiel is dead. "He died when the angels fell," Castiel explains. Dean's face is so stunned by this news that all it can do is look pretty in total silence for a few seconds.
When he's done with that, he stomps into the library where Kevin is huddled over the tablet. He slaps the table with both hands. "I need a spell, ASAP," he says. "Everyone needs a spell and it's always ASAP," Kevin sighs. Dean says he wants a spell that will "power down" an angel for a few seconds so that he can convince its human vessel to expel it. He tries to sell it as a general plan to help the humans currently being possessed by Bartholomew's and Malachi's minions. Kevin is a bit confused, perhaps because it's been a whole lotta seasons since the Winchesters cared about the human hosts of demons or angels.
Metatron and Gadreel meet by the freeway again. Is he flitting to these meetings or is Sam's body borrowing one of the LOL's stash of sweet vintage rides? I know he's not using the Impala, because that Dean would have noticed. Gad says he's been thinking things over and he's come to a conclusion: "I will join you as second-in-command." Metatron acts like he's just won a small lottery. "Bravo, Gadreel! This move will erase the mark that has hounded you through the centuries!" Gadreel is like the long-abused dog that reacts to the slightest praise by rolling onto his back and wriggling his whole body. Not literally, of course, but just imagine all that taking place on his face and you've got the visual. "There is just one more thing," Metatron says. To be sure that Gadreel is loyal to him, Metatron needs him to kill someone. Gadreel protests that he's not a killer, but Metatron is insistent. He calls this person an enemy who's trying to ruin all their hard work. "Here's the first name on your to-do list," he says, handing Gadreel a slip of paper. There is zero reason he wouldn't just say the name, but the show wants it to be a surprise later.
Kevin and Dean talk about the spell after the fact, instead of letting us see them drawing the blood sigils on the storeroom wall. Heaven forbid they show us interesting things as they happen when they could just tell us about it later. "This is gonna work, right?" Dean asks as they wander into the library. "The sigils are supposed to hobble the possessing angel, if the info is correct," Kevin says. "As soon as your blood touches the ignition sigil, the spell kicks in." Dean is a bit freaked out that they don't know for sure this will work. Kevin has figured out that this isn't about the general human population, unless they plan on bringing a bunch of people into the LOL. "What's going on?" he asks. "You're just gonna have to trust me," Dean says. "I always trust you," Kevin says, "and I always end up screwed."
Dean lures Sam into the storeroom in the guise of needing to talk. While Sam's back is turned, Dean draws a knife across his own palm and hits the sigil. It flares into fiery life. "What's going on?" Sam asks. "I gotta tell you some stuff, fast," Dean says, "and it's gonna piss you off." He tells Sam about the coma and nearly dying. "So I let an angel in," he says. "In what?" Sam asks. "In you," Dean says. He explains he tricked Sam into letting the angel in to heal him. Unfortunately, the angel was a big, fat liar and now he doesn't know who's actually inside Sam. "Apparently, whoever this guy is could end you in a heartbeat, so you have got to dump him." Sam makes a bunch of faces while he processes the news. He starts to walk away, so Dean follows after him. Sam knocks him right the hell out.
Sam runs into the library, then slows to a stiff walk. His posture is unusually good, which means it's no longer Sam, but Gadreel. "Hey, Sam," Kevin greets him. "Do you notice anything a little bit 'off' about Dean lately? Between you and me, I'm a little bit worried about him." Dean recovers just in time to walk into the library and see Gadreel slap a hand over Kevin's forehead. Light explodes out of Kevin's eyes and mouth. Dean runs over to him, but it's too late. The Lord's Littlest Prophet drops to the floor, with two smoking pits where his eyes used to be. Gadreel pins Dean to the wall with a bit of angel mojo. "Sam," Dean croaks. "There is no more Sam," Gadreel says, "but I played him convincingly, I thought." He was eavesdropping in the room when Dean and Kevin talked about their spell. He shows the paint on his fingers where he wiped away some of the sigil. It still lit up like it was working, though, so what the hell? Also, what was the point of pretending to be Sam? He could have just waltzed in there and killed Kevin right away. "Sorry about Kevin," Gadreel says. "But ultimately, it's for the best. I did what I had to." He packs up the angel tablet and then, on his way out, he places that little slip of paper on Kevin's chest. Of course, it bears his name, which Metatron could have just said in the first place.
Only when Gadreel is some distance away do the magical bonds holding Dean give way. He falls to the floor, clutching his chest. He calls out to Kevin, but his tone suggests he doesn't really expect an answer. Dean sobs wretchedly as first one perfect tear and then another rolls down his cheeks. Kevin must surely be dead if he's not affected by this moving display. Except...
...it's kind of hard to be moved by death on this show, because, all too often, they just don't stick. So instead of feeling sad about Kevin's demise, or even annoyed that it was entirely too contrived in a shameless effort to evoke emotion, I instead wonder how long it will be before he's brought back. If he later proves to be really and truly dead, and not just pining for the fjords, only then will it be bothersome, because he will have been cheated out of a meaningful character death by all the meaningless ones that came before.
In the meantime, enjoy the winter hiatus. Try to give your liver a break, because we're not even half done with the season yet.
Tippi Blevins belongs to a deadly faction of recapper angels. Contact her at b_tippi@yahoo.com, or find her her on Twitter: @TippiB.