In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.
The Winchesters are feeling glum after last week's sacrifices, so Dean decides they should take the night off to have some fun. They could see a movie or hang out at a bar for a while, since they're still waiting for Kevin to decode the tablet. Alas, they get a call from Garth, who interrupts their plans to put them on a case. A man has been pulled apart as if by horses, from within the safety of his own apartment. On one of his errant arms is a tree tattoo that catches the brothers' eyes. Sam and Dean question the victim's friend, who boohoos in a ridiculously over the top way, as if he somehow knows he's in a "comical" episode. He and the victim were LARPing (live-action role-playing) for a story that takes its cues from Tolkien's Middle-earth. After the interview, the friend mysteriously dies when a tree tattoo suddenly appears on his arm.
Sam and Dean track down the other LARPers, who are currently fighting in a public park over ultimate control of "Moondor." Their leader is the Queen of Moons, who just happens to be Charlie Bradbury, geek girl extraordinaire. The Queen's subjects are reluctant to talk to the brothers, so Dean has to dress up in leather and mail in order to blend in. He's totally into it, too, and takes his role quite seriously. He and Charlie set off to question the Shadow Orcs, who seem like the most likely suspects, but Charlie is abducted by an ominous figure wearing black roles and a stag's skull.
Luckily for Charlie, her kidnapper turns out to be a beautiful fairy named Gilda. She's been summoned by someone to perform evil deeds against her will. She and Charlie hit it off and are in mid-clinch when the Winchesters and the Queen's helper find her. To nobody's surprise, it's the helper who summoned the fairy, because he was enraged at the cheating going on within the game. He bought a spell book off eBay and sought his revenge because nerds are nothing if not super dedicated. While the Winchesters fight him, Charlie destroys the book and sets the fairy free. Unfortunately for Charlie, this means the fairy then returns to her own world, instead of sticking around for more kissing.
At the end, Dean and Sam prepare to continue on their somber journey of sacrifice after sacrifice. To Dean's surprise, Sam suggests they take the day off. This means they both get to play dress-up and wield pretend swords and play-fight for Moondor while the real world slowly falls apart.
Oh, all right. It was a little fun. It's just that it renders the angst of the episode even more contrived, and will most likely make future episodes seem even more so. This show, like over-invested LARPers, has a hard time finding a good balance between reality and fantasy. Stay tuned for the full recap.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!THEN! The Winchesters met a feisty computer whiz named Charlie Bradbury who helped them against Dick Roman. This proved to be more than a little inconvenient for her, as she had to start a new life with a new identity. Sam's relationship with Amelia finally fizzled and sputtered to an end when he decided to dedicate himself fully to whatever this season's quest is. Something to do with demons and angels... again. At the same time, Dean broke things off with his vampire buddy Benny because both brothers have to be miserable and friendless so that they have nowhere to turn but to each other. They'll be stuck in that Impala together forever, stewing in their mutual angst and roadside diner flatulence.
NOW! Some nerd walks into his apartment, arguing with someone on his cell. We know he's a nerd because the camera focuses on a display of action figures and models. Also, there's a Lord of the Rings poster on the wall, to prepare us for all the Tolkien-inspired roleplay ahead. "How dare you, Lance!" he says into his phone. "We both cut corners to get close to her, but that wasn't cheating! It's just a game!" Nerdlinger sets his phone down, exasperated. This Lance person sends a text message in all caps: "YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS!"
Later that night, Nerdlinger is sleeping cozily in bed when a wispy black mark appears on his forearm. The mark grows until it looks like a twisted tree with exposed roots. From somewhere nearby, horses neigh and stamp their hooves. Chains rattle. Nerdlinger wakes up and looks around with a frown, as if wondering, "Am I having another My Little Pony dream?" Some invisible force pushes him back down and pulls his arms and legs out to the sides. Indentations appear around his wrists and ankles, as if a rope were digging into them. Indeed, the creaking of jute as it strains can be heard above Nerdlinger's pained cries. The horses neigh. The unseen ropes pull tighter and tighter until Nerdlinger's limbs are yanked from their sockets. Blood sprays against the wall, as is its wont. Supernatural!
Elsewhere, the Impala is speeding along some unknown highway. Inside, the Winchesters are between bickerings, so things are pretty quiet. Sam studies various printouts related to the Word of God. Dean casts a worried look at his brother. "You okay, man?" he asks. I steel myself for a mopefest about the shot at normal life he's just lost, but he's thinking about the job. "We have the most powerful weapon we've ever had against demons, and we can't find a way to use it." Dean reminds him that Kevin's working on it and will call as soon as he learns something, probably sometime during February sweeps. He says that they've both had a hard time recently, and knows that what Sam gave up wasn't easy. "Maybe we ought to take the night off," he suggests. Does Sam know at this point that Dean has dropped Benny? Because all the concern seems to be over what precious Sammy has sacrificed. Dean thinks they should see a movie or hit a few bars. Have some fun, you know? "You remember fun, don't you, Sammy?" Sam just stares at his brother. We don't get to find out what he might have answered, because Garth calls him with an assignment. Sam listens for a few moments then wonders how Garth knew where they are. Turns out Garth has been tracking all the hunters by cell phone GPS so he can assign them cases. Dean thinks it's a "total Bobby move," just in case you missed the message that Garth is the new Bobby. Anyway, the GPS tracker was how Garth knew they were somewhere near the guy who just got torn limb from limb. Sam sighs. "Working a case. As long as we're waiting on Kevin, that'll be our fun." Dean gives Sam another worried look and drives on.
The brothers arrive at Nerdlinger's apartment and meet a sheriff who has the countenance of a grandfatherly walrus. Skipping the musical references this week, Sam introduces himself and Dean as Special Agents Taggart and Rosewood. "FBI? You guys are quick," says Sheriff Walrus. "The FBI is all work, no play," Dean says with a pointed look at Sam. Sam asks for a look around while Dean stays behind. "I work better on my own," Dean says. Now that he's made the awful, awful choice to stick with Sam, he needs to drop the jabs. Anything else just reminds us of what might have been.
Sheriff Walrus takes Sam into the bedroom, where Nerdlinger's torso lies beneath a bloody sheet. It's actually less blood than one might expect from a violent detachment of one's limbs. There are puddles of blood at the shoulders and neat red lines showing the outward path of the departing legs. Sheriff Walrus tells Sam about the victim, which is that he was named Ed, was 31 and worked as an insurance claim adjuster. "So, what happened?" Sam asks. "No sign of forced entry," Sheriff Walrus says. "Near as we can tell, he was tied up and pulled apart." Sam notices something that he thinks are chains. Sheriff Walrus corrects him, because it's actually chain mail, which seems like the sort of thing Sam should know. He also notices the tree tattoo on Ed's arm and makes an interested sound. "So, anything missing from the body?" Sam asks. "You mean aside from the arms and legs?" asks Sheriff Walrus, looking at Sam like he's the biggest idiot he's ever seen, in both size and scope. Nothing beyond the obvious seems to be missing, but the neighbor downstairs says she heard horses galloping around. The sheriff discounts that notion, but points out the threatening texts on Ed's phone from someone named Lance Jacobson. "You shall bleed for your crimes against us," reads the sheriff. And another: "I am a mage and I will destroy you." Dean gets a serious look because he lives in a world where mages are real.
Their stop is the station to question Lance. He looks like what would happen if Garth could somehow make a baby with Jack McBrayer. Lance bursts into tears. "I can't believe Ed's dead!" His performance is so ridiculously over-the-top that you might think Sam and Dean would decide he's faking. But no! It's a "funny" episode, remember? Even the characters know this, so they've tossed all the regular rules out the window. Lance sobs and wails and boohoos while the Winchesters look on, clearly uncomfortable. Dean asks him about the texts. Lance insists they weren't from him, but from his alter ego. "Those texts were from Greyfox the Mystic to Thargrim the Difficult," he says. "Our characters in MoonDoor," he explains when Dean gives him a blank look. That just gets him another blank look, so he tells them that Moondor is a game and that he and Ed are LARPers. Dean remembers that time he and Sam met the gay couple version of themselves. He says they play every other weekend at Heritage Park. There are pictures on the website that will prove he was at the feast the night before, instead of off killing his fellow nerd. "He was Lancelot to my Merlin," Lance says, near to bursting into tears again. Dean wonders about the threatening texts. The exposition is this: Lance and Ed were named to the Queen's honor guard for the upcoming "Battle of Kingdoms." Lance thought Ed was cheating and called to confront him about it. Lance wails and turns his eyes heavenward. "Oh, ye gods! Thargrim the Difficult is fallen!" He boohoos some more. Sam and Dean slip out before he can start rending his garments.
Sam and Dean talk it over outside the interview room. Dean believes Lance is innocent. "Those weren't crocodile tears," he says, as if there aren't more convincing tears on any number of sad hobo clown paintings. They head over to the nearest available computer to look up the MoonDoor website. (I mistakenly called it Moondor in the recaplet because it obviously takes its name from Mordor.) The site is straight out of Geocities, circa 1997. All those computer geeks they got playing the game and not one of them could whip up something better than this eyesore? Sam clicks through some pictures that show Lance at the feast, just as he claimed. "It actually looks kinda awesome," Dean says. He quickly reigns in his inner nerd when Sam gives him an incredulous look. They click on a video that extols MoonDoor's virtues. It's got honor and passion and pointy rubber ears. There are also four factions: Followers of the Moon, Elves, Warriors of Yesteryear and Shadow Orcs. All the while, Dean is nodding along, barely able to contain his glee. The current ruler of the kingdom, according to the video, is the Queen of Moons. Much to the Winchesters' surprise, it's none other than Charlie Bradbury.
In the interview room, Lance discovers a tree tattoo has suddenly appeared on his arm. A moment later, he coughs up a handful of blood. He projectile-vomits blood all over the one-way mirror. Blood pours from his eyes. He screams and falls to the floor. His dying was markedly less comical than his grieving.
Later, Sheriff Walrus shows Sam and Dean the video footage from the interview room. "God forbid he was contagious," Sheriff Walrus says. "I'm gonna go dip myself in hand sanitizer!" This lets him leave the scene so that Sam and Dean can freely discuss the supernatural. Dean notes there are no EMF readings or sulfur or hex bags to be found. Sam plays the video again and notices the tattoo on Lance's arm.
They head over to the park to question the LARPers. The citizens of MoonDoor have got quite an involved setup. It's like a Renaissance festival with tents and shops and displays. How do they have time to do this every other weekend? Sam and Dean take it all in with some incredulity. Dean even rolls his eyes like he's not already totally in love with the whole thing. Their attention turns to a guy in a red and white tunic and hood. He addresses a chunky guy in rubber ears and plastic teeth. "I, Boltar the Furious, bind you these stocks so that all of MoonDoor can see you for what you are -- a thief!" The chunky guy starts to tell him off, but his plastic teeth fall out. Boltar helpfully picks them up and reinserts them for his fellow LARPer. The bound fellow is a Shadow Orc. He promises to unseat the Queen and return the Shadow King to the throne.
The Winchesters approach Boltar with their FBI badges, which Boltar immediately recognizes as fake. He thinks the Winchesters are trying to do a "genre mash-up" thing, but they've showed up on the wrong weekend for that. He does, however, invite them to join the Queen's army, and takes them along to watch her sword-fighting with one of her potential squires. She bests him rather easily then removes her helmet to shake out her long, red hair. "I love you," her potential squire breathes. "I know," she says. She turns to her loyal subjects and mentions that Greyfox and Thargrim are missing. She starts to invite others to fill in for them, but stops when she notices Sam and Dean in the crowd. She's momentarily thrown. "The Queen needs some royal 'we' time," she says, and scampers off to her very elaborate tent. Dean, lagging behind, picks up one of the play swords. "Nice balance," he says, his inner nerd surging ever closer to the surface. Sam has to call to him before he snaps out of it.
They follow Charlie into her tent, where they discover her packing up her things. Her new name, she says, is Carrie Heinlein, although she anticipates this identity will soon be as dead as the old one. "If you guys are here, then monsters are here," she says. "Why do I have such bad luck? What am I, some kind of monster magnet?" she wonders. Then she thinks about it and asks, "Is there such a thing as a monster magnet?" Yes, it's Sam's crotch. On second thought, she decides she doesn't want to know the answer. She grabs her bag, pops her crown on Dean's head and heads for the exit. Dean calls her back. He tells her that Ed and Lance aren't missing, but dead. That stops her.
They all sit down in her chambers to talk over the case. While they're doing that, I'm trying to figure out the logistics of getting that heavy-looking, ornate bed in and out of the park. I drop back into the conversation just as Dean hands over a photo of Ed's tattoo. "It's a Celtic magic symbol," Charlie says. "At least it was in my favorite video game. Can I go now?" It turns out that Ed and Lance aren't the only victims. Four other members of her army have been hospitalized over the last few weeks, although none of them with injuries as fatal as Ed's and Lance's. She insists that they didn't have any enemies in real life, but in the game is another matter entirely, what with this being the weekend of the Battle of the Kingdoms and all.
She shows them her battle plans with all the factions represented on a map. She and Dean immediately start strategizing and quickly lose themselves in the game until Sam snaps them out of it. "What if someone from the other kingdoms got hold of real magic and used it to weaken your army?" he asks. "But they would just come after me," Charlie says. "And why the escalation?" Dean suggests Charlie get to someplace safe while he and Sam question the "accountants with foam swords," but Charlie's not having it. She's decided she's tired of running and she doesn't want anyone else to die on her watch. "I like my life here. I'm going to stay and fight for it." They all give each other meaningful looks while sad music plays. Luckily, Sam gets a phone call that interrupts things before they can get too dreary. He listens to the person on the other end for all of three seconds, yet still comes up with a sizable info dump. "So, the toxicology report came back on Lance: nothing. But the medical examiner said his body showed clear signs that he was killed by belladonna." Dean and Charlie both gape at him. "The porn star?" they ask in unison. "The poison," Sam says. But, as with the invisible ropes in Ed's apartment, they could find no trace of the poison in Lance's system. Sam heads off to the "tech tent" to avail himself of a laptop while Dean gets ready to make the rounds with Charlie. Much to his delight, this means he will have to play dress-up.
Over at Ye Olde Tech Tent, Sam sits down at a computer to a cute blond lady in leather armor. She takes one look at him and seems instantly ten times more interested in him than Amelia ever was. She helps him figure out how to access a directory of online players. "Thanks," he says, pausing for her to introduce herself. "Maria," she says. Then she remembers the game and gives him a flirty smile. "I mean Gholandria," she says, which sounds as much like Galadriel as it does a venereal disease.
Back in Charlie's tent, Dean is just putting the finishing touches on his outfit. Did he buy all this stuff or did another play just magically happen to have a spare set of clothes that fit him perfectly? I'm not going to spend too much worrying about it, because it's pretty adorable. So, apparently he and Charlie have been talking while he got dressed and we're joining them in mid-convo. "You sent Sam a phantom text from his ex?" Charlie asks. "Dick move, sir." It would be nice to know if he told her all the important bits leading up that that, or if he was just confessing the parts he feels guilty about, for the simple fact that Dean has some kind of pathological need to blame himself for everything. "Yeah, not my finest hour," he admits. "So, he found she normalcy with this chick," Charlie says, "and now it's gone... again... thanks to you." The writer of this episode is doing a little LARPing as Charlie Bradbury. Dean doesn't correct her or defend himself or point out that Same made the choice irrespective of the text. All he says, in a silver linings kind of way, is that Sam is now committed to the job. "Trust me, this life? You can afford attachments," he says. "You just gotta let go." It would be impossible to miss just how desperately lonely Dean sounded when he said that. "Are we still talking about Sam or did you break up with someone, too?" Charlie asks. Dean scoffs, but it's not played as comically as you might expect, given the rest of the episode.
On their way out of the tent, Dean picks up a wooden sword and asks Charlie about her history with LARPing. She says a buddy of hers got her into it. "Went for him, stayed for the chicks," she says. Dean chuckles because he can totally understand that. Charlie says she likes the escape. "I mean, here I'm queen, a hero. Out there in the real world, I'm just hacking out code and chugging coffee all day long." He reminds her that she's a hero for helping them against Dick Roman. The whole time they're walking, practically every woman has been giving Charlie flirty looks. It's something else Dean can relate to.
Ye Olde Tech Tent. Sam has pulled up case files on all the afflicted MoonDoor players. Gholandria sees his screen and frowns. "It's all part of the game," he lies. She buys it. She recognizes one of the players. "I heard she broke her ankles or something," she says. Sam clicks on her file. Her feet are basically turned the totally wrong way around. They agree it looks like she got hobbled. Sam shows her the tree tattoo. She doesn't recognize it, but offers to look it up for him.
Charlie and Dean question a little elfin lass. She doesn't recognize the tree symbol, but she's more than a little receptive to Charlie's flirtations. Dean gapes at her because, seriously, who gets that much action in one day?
Back in Ye Olde Tech Tent, Sam notices that all of the attacks are Medieval in nature. He thinks someone is targeting the Queen's people, but Gholandria points out that the other factions have been attacked too. The only ones who haven't gotten hit are the Shadow Orcs.
Charlie and Dean have narrowed down their search to the Shadow Orcs as well. Charlie despairs because they're impossible to find. They're somewhere in the park, right? How hard can it be to find a punch of grown men in cloaks and plastic teeth in a public park? Dean thinks he knows someone who can lead them to the Shadow Orcs.
At the same time, Sam and Gholandria have uncovered the meaning of the Tree of Pain, thanks to the modern magic that is the internet. Anyone tagged with the mark will become the victim of fairy magic. Or perhaps it's "faerie" magic. There's probably a difference that eludes me. For some reason, Gholandria is surprised that fairy magic can be bad because maybe she's brand new to the fantasy genre or has never seen True Blood.
Charlie and Dean approach the Shadow Orc who's still confined to the stocks. Dean shows him the tattoo. "You seen this?" he asks. "Yeah, of course," the Orc says. He tries to take it back and say he hasn't seen it, but Dean threatens him with his wooden sword. The Orc admits it's the Shadow King's family crest. "You'll never find him in the Black Hills!" Dean turns to Charlie, who explains it's the forest behind the playground.
Sam thanks Gholandria for all her help in Ye Olde Tech Tent. She gives him a sparkly smile and invites him to her tent, again looking magnitudes more interested in him than Amelia ever managed. Sadly, Sam turns her down and gets back to work.
Boltar finds Charlie and Dean en route to the Black Hills. He gives Dean a snitty look. "Has this oaf attempted to harm you with his blasphemous metalworks?" He's speaking of Dean's phone, which he's currently holding up in search of a signal. "Boltar, he's with me," Charlie says. "He's my new... handmaiden." Dean very carefully doesn't react to that. Boltar says the hills aren't safe and advises his queen to return to camp. Dean gives Charlie his phone and asks her to find Sam while he heads off to question the Shadow Orcs. It doesn't make sense that he'd send her off alone when they suspect someone is trying to get to her, but whatever.
On her way back to camp, she's accosted by a man in black robes and plastic teeth. He growls and throws a small black pouch at her, which she dodges. She tosses a red pouch at him, saying, "Dark magic!" He galumphs away in mock pain as Charlie watches with amusement. She's still smiling when she turns around and finds herself face to face with a tall figure in black, face obscured by a stag's skull. Charlie throws a pouch. "Dark magic," she says weakly. The mysterious newcomer is shockingly unaffected by pretend magic. It raises its cloaked arms and envelops Charlie.
Dean and Boltar return to camp after a fruitless search. "Are you sure the Shadow Orcs are even out there?" Dean asks. "For a handmaiden, you certain ask many questions," Boltar says. He says the Shadow Orcs are just difficult to find, but he has a plan to draw them out. He suggests they offer up their imprisoned orc in an exchange. While Boltar goes off to fetch the prisoner, Sam and Dean catch up with each other. They've basically learned exactly the same things on their separate quests, which just makes one wonder, again, why they're working together. At some point, they realize they've lost track of Charlie and that she never made it to Sam. Sam tries calling Dean's phone...
...which is currently lying beside Charlie on a bed straight out of a Pottery Barn catalog shoot. There's still no signal to be had, though, so they don't get through to her. Charlie wakes up, holding her head in pain. She realizes the stag-headed figure is standing at the foot of her bed. Charlie tries to leave, but when she exits one door, she just reappears through another. Charlie, realizing she's faced with real magic, blathers on nervously about her old job and the Leviathans and how she just wants her life back. All the while, the figure approaches her in silence. Finally, it removes the skull mask, revealing the face of a beautiful woman. She says she wants her life back, as well. At once, Charlie goes from being terrified to turned on because as a lesbian she's going to be attracted to every good-looking woman, even the ones who knock her out and kidnap her.
Night. Boltar and the Winchesters lead their prisoner through the woods until they come to some predetermined spot. The prisoner makes some bird noises, which are returned by his friends in the shadows. The Shadow King and his buddies walk out onto the path. Boltar and the King take their sweet time, first with flowery insults and then with the real-world concerns of a soccer game that's scheduled to take place on their battlefield. Dean takes out his gun. "All right, I need real answers. This here's a real gun, see?" To prove it, he shoots at the ground. The Shadow Orcs freak right the hell out. Dean demands to know where the Queen is, pointing out the tree on the Shadow King's crest as evidence of his guilt. The Shadow King rolls up his sleeve and shows Dean his tattoo, saying he got sick after it appeared there last month. "I thought it looked really cool, so I turned it into my family crest," he says. "I mean, after my dermatologist said it wasn't malignant." The Shadow King's real name is Max and he's just another victim. He's also an attorney, and promises not to press charges if they let him go. Dean waves them away and off they scamper, back into the shadows. Their prisoner is worried about the Queen and mentions a weird tent he saw down by the river. He's got a crush on Charlie. "Will you put in a good word for me when you find her?" he asks. "I don't think you're her type," Dean says. "You mean she's not into Orcs?" the oblivious prisoner asks.
Kidnapping Tent. Charlie's new love interest has traded her black cloak for a sheer white dress with pink sequins. Why not just start out with that ensemble? If you're trying to get someone on your side, why freak them out with a horror movie getup? "My name is Gilda," she says. "I'm from the Hollow Forest of Arkmoor." Charlie is utterly smitten even though Gilda could be totally evil. Gilda says she was summoned by someone to do his bidding. "My master, he has me hurt people. He's forcing me to." She insists she's the good kind of fairy, which Charlie believes at once. Gilda says her master started with smaller commands, but has now made her kill two men. Charlie tries to explain that this was all supposed to be a game that someone is now taking way too seriously. It was supposed to be an escape. Gilda says she wants to go back home, but can't break free of the spell. "A hero must take my master's book of magic and destroy it, breaking the spell." Charlie thinks about for a second then announces, "Gilda, my name is Charlie Bradbury, and I am here to rescue you!"
Boltar and the Winchesters find the tent they're looking for. It's like the TARDIS of tents, as they discover when they head inside. It's decked out with a stone hearth, cozy fire, chandeliers, artwork and pillars made of antlers. Dean is the first to notice the bed, and that Charlie is making out with some lady on it. He looks stunned, then happy. He clears his throat. Charlie is none too pleased to see them. "Dudes! If the tent's rockin', don't come knockin'!" Who cares if people are dying, right? Gilda isn't happy to see them, either, but for a different reason: "It's my master! Run!" She's speaking, of course, of nerdy little Boltar because who else would it be this late in the episode?
Sam and Dean train their guns on him. "No guns in MoonDoor, gentlemen," he reminds them. "Gilda, if you please?" Gilda waves her hand and the guns turn into puffs of feathers. Boltar's plan, he explains, was to eliminate all his competition, win the battle then convince the Queen that he should be her King. Charlie rolls her eyes. He killed Ed and Lance because they broke the rules and bought their way into the Queen's Honor Guard by paying off other players with real-world money. "Why would you hurt people?" Charlie asks. "It's just a game!" Boltar explodes. "There is no game! There is only MoonDoor!" MoonDoor was his escape from his crappy life. All he had to do was track down a spell book on eBay and kill a few people. He would have gotten away with it, too, if it hadn't been for those pesky Winchesters.
He makes Gilda turn his fake sword into a real one. Sam and Dean assume battle positions. At Boltar's command, she makes a suit of armor come to life and grab Sam. Dean goes after Boltar, but his sword is still fake and quickly proves useless. He grabs a shield that Boltar neglects to have Gilda turn into a bag of marshmallows. He fends off Boltar with the shield until he can land a solid punch. As Boltar staggers back, the spell book conveniently falls out of his pocket. Charlie stabs the book with a dagger. Bright, golden light shoots out of it. The armor releases Sam. Boltar's sword turns back into foam. This doesn't stop him from trying to attack Dean again. Dean just grabs the sword out of his hand and knocks him out cold with an elbow to the face.
Charlie runs over to Gilda, who thanks her but says she must leave now. She'll also take Boltar with her to the "fairy tribunal" so that there won't be any pesky loose ends left in the real world. She gets one last kiss from Charlie before disappearing in a puff of glitter with Boltar.
Denouement. Sam and Dean have returned to their street clothes as they prepare to leave MoonDoor behind. Charlie walks with them to the exit and says she's decided to stay. "If the last 24 hours have taught me anything, it's that escaping isn't what it used to be." They say their goodbyes and then Charlie heads off to what she's sure will be a futile battle, given how much of her army she's lost recently. Dean turns to Sam. "So, what's ? 'Cause, no fun, right?" Sam actually smiles ever so slightly. "Look, before you say anything, I get it," Dean says. "No amount of fun is gonna help you get over what you gave up." What this episode needs right here is just a big ol' Monty Python cartoon foot that just stomps them both and then it's all over. Sam didn't give up a normal life. He stopped dating a married woman! Sam says Dean's right. "Having fun won't help me -- it'll help both of us." Sam nods back towards the camp. "Shall we?" Dean tries to act like it's no big deal, but it's pretty much all he can do to keep from grinning like a big goofball.
Battle of Kingdoms. The morning dawns misty and cold when Dean addresses the Followers of the Moon. He has added a long, flowing blond wig to his ensemble, as well as a necklace made of rubber ears. Heroic music plays. "And dying in your beds, many years from now, would you be willing to trade all the days, from this day to that, for one chance..." Charlie wonders if this isn't the speech from Braveheart. Sam, wearing a costume of his own, says it's the only speech Dean knows. The speech continues: "...just one chance to come back here, and tell our enemies that they may take our lives, but they will never take --" The music winds down as a Frisbee lands on the battlefield. Everybody waits for a guy to retrieve it. The music starts up again, as does Dean: " -- our freedom!" With that, the Followers of the Moon charge at the Shadow Orcs, with Sam and Dean leading the way.
That's how the episode ends. It would be too exhausting to go into all the reasons why this makes the episode even more nonsensical, and how it will undoubtedly make events of future episodes even more baffling and infuriating. We should just be glad it's over for now.
P.S. Sam totally should have been the MoonDoor version of an Ent.
Tippi Blevins has been possessed by a recapping demon. Send holy water to b_tippi@yahoo.com, or chant spells at her on Twitter: @TippiB.