So. This is it, kids. The final The $treet. Christmas came early for me this year. Oh, I know. Don't cry. There will be other mediocre, over-hyped, ultra-expensive disappointments in future seasons. I promise. But man, a reported $2.3 million, this show cost...per episode. Makes you think, huh? Makes you think what else Fox could have bought for just one episode of this shit:
- 7667 Playstation 2s.
- 60 new BMW Z3 convertibles.
- Could pay my rent for over three-hundred and sixty years.
- 3.8 million Twix candy bars at the vending machine where I work.
- They could purchase my entire Amazon.com wishlist 476 times.
- They could produce 92 movies with the same budget as 1997 Sundance winner In The Company Of Men.
I'm just sayin'...
Anyway, previously on The $treet...Ooh, no "previously." Don't even care if we care anymore, which we don't really. Okay. Straight in, then.
Trading room. It's all Christmased-out with lights and flowers and ornaments. Okay, so maybe this episode cost $2.4 million. The boys sit around, bored at their computers. The feeling is quite mutual. TES bounces a red ball against his monitor as Goldberg comes up, announcing that the "bonuses for Peachtree" just came out, which I guess is a rival bank...and, incidentally, the name of a sleazy motel I once stayed at in Oregon. TES guesses that the bonuses are around $600,000, because that company had a good year. "A stick," says Goldberg. "That's some carrot," says an extra. Timmy-Fell-Down-A-Well asks what a stick is. "A million bucks." And a carrot? "A carrot is a carrot." Nicky plays with a yo-yo and listens sheepishly, since he sucks at his job, as TES explains to Timmy that traders get just enough to get them by during the year, and that their end-of-year bonuses can be up to ten times their annual salary. Thus, carrot -- meaning what gets the "donkeys" to pull their loads all year. I love how they're explaining all this to us now that it won't matter anymore. I wish once they'd learned of the cancellation, they'd just taken out all the exposition and added more commercials. That would have been my end-of-the-year bonus. ["Your $600,000 MBTV writer's Christmas bonus isn't enough? Geez." -- Wing Chun] Rickman comes by and asks the boys to follow him into the bathroom to take a look at something. They do takes to the camera. Wah-wah.
Bathroom. The Guitar of Impending Cock plays as Rickman pulls a reluctant TES and Nicky NotKatt into a stall with him. The boys laugh and wonder what hijinx good ol' Rickman has in store for them, since their lives these days obviously consist of nothing more exciting that yo-yo's, answering Timmy-Fell-Down-A-Well's stupid questions, and playing with balls. Speaking of playing with balls, Rickman suddenly drops his pants. Credits. For the last time. Enjoy them. Savor them. This will be the very last...I'm going to go get a drink.
Street. A close-up on an extra's Post reveals something about the airlines being on strike. Then to Eyebrows, who talks on the phone to some "Max," complaining that she doesn't care if their Jamaica trip is now fucked, and that tomorrow when the market closes she wants to take a cab to the airport and get on a plane to somewhere "obscenely hot and sweaty." Well, tomorrow you will be on a plane, but back to Los Angeles for auditions. TES stops Alex in the street and tells her that he can't get his money back for the hotel room they had booked for their honeymoon to the Cayman Islands. She thinks he's asking her to pay half but instead he suggests she take her sister or something and use the trip as the vacation that she obviously needs. She can't believe what a douchebag he is (how does she not know this by now?) to suggest she go on her honeymoon alone. She says that they're beyond the point where he should be worrying about what's right for her. He whines as he's never whined before, "Cut me a break, Al. I'm just trying to do something nice heeeeere." She follows him, saying that she just found out her mother forgot to tell her side of the family that the nuptials are off and so she doesn't feel like going on a holiday to make him feel less guilty about calling off the wedding. TES dicks, "I don't feel guilty about anything. I feel fine." Alex, who has been infected by the whine-monster too, (and probably somehow deserves it for having fallen in love with such a jackass fuckface in the first place), says that he should go on the honeymoon if he feels so great. Eyebrows butts in and says hello. They walk into the building. Shot of Santa. Yeah, I don't know either.