"The Giants Win The Pennant, The Giants Win The Pennant"

Wing Chun asks me if I would do a recap for Mighty Big TV and she thinks Id be good to do Sports Night. I ask her if its because Im a journalist with a deft writing style and a vast knowledge of sports. Wing Chun says she has to refer me to Sars. I ask Sars the same thing and Sars tells me that Im the only person she knows with a subscription to Sports Illustrated and that its "kind of neat" that I have the same name as one of the characters on Sports Night. Sars says, "You could work that into the recap, like, Whoa! Danny has the same name as me! That would be pretty cute." I dont say anything and the silence grows increasingly awkward. Then Sars says theyll pay me and I tell her Id be honoured to write for Mighty Big TV.

This episode starts off with the screen just black and the title "Sports Night" and you hear someone counting down the seconds until airtime, a la Larry Sanders.

Then the picture comes on and theres Dan and theres a guy who isnt Casey sitting at the desk and suddenly we are not actually in the studio watching "Sports Night" on Sports Night but watching a television set, and the camera pulls back and theres a man and a woman watching the intro, and the woman turns and its Pixley. She says to the guy, "I just went on a date with one of those guys," which isnt at all true, she went out with Casey, who apparently has the night off tonight. The guy is wearing this ugly grey turtleneck that gives me flashbacks to stupid itchy clothes of my childhood. He says "from Sports Night?" and Pixley says, "Yeah," and Turtleneck says, "Youre kidding," and Pixley says, "No." Pixley and Turtleneck are in a bar and they get their drinks and the bar is very crowded, except theres no lineup in front of Pixley and Turtleneck and when they walk back to their table no one has stolen their seats. Turtleneck wants to know which Sports Night guy Pixley dated and wonders if it was Dan, and suddenly Pixley is acting like shed rather not talk about it even though she brought it up, but admits, "Its the one the guy on the rights filling in for tonight." His name is Casey, Pixley. Turtleneck says, "You dated Casey," which Pixley qualifies as "a date," and Turtleneck says, "You dated Casey McCall" like its a Major Accomplishment. Now Pixley reduces it to "half a date." Turtleneck says he is a "Sports Night nut" and makes this weird eyes-bugging-out face. Meanwhile, all these people are walking in front of the camera to the extent that I was shifting my body and craning my neck to see around them because I was worried about missing this scintillating dialogue between Pixley and Turtleneck. Turtleneck asks if Casey is a good guy, and Pixley warningly says, "Turtleneck, dont you think this time would be best spent talking about you? Or even me?" and shes smiling and trying to be nice about it, and I have to say shes really cute. But Turtleneck asks her one more time if she went on a date with Casey, which I thought had already been established. This time, though, Pixley is starting to look annoyed. Turtleneck asks if shes going to see Casey again, not in a jealous way, but in a hopeful way. Pixley, annoyed, says, "No, I am not. There are few guarantees in this life, but heres one. I will never see Casey McCall again."

Gee, I wonder what will happen .

, a finger pokes Pixleys arm. Who could that be? Oh! Its Casey! What a coincidence!

Casey says as much, except he doesnt say "coincidence" like I did, like a normal person would; he says "isnt this a coinkydink." Pixley agrees that it is a coinkydink. Now Pixley wants to leave. Turtleneck asks if Casey is with someone, and Casey is with someone named Jessica, who Casey says is sitting by herself, so I guess shes having a great time tonight. Casey tells Pixley this is "date #8" and that she was "date #1," in reference to Danas ridiculous Dating Plan. Pixley orders Turtleneck to get the coats, and he leaves even though he is awestruck in Caseys presence. Casey sits down and begins the process of winning over Pixley with his charm again. He explains that he was going to call her but he didnt have her number. Then we get humour along the lines of "do you know how many Pixley Robinsons there are in the phone book?" Pixley is speaking in hushed tones with her chin out, doing that Im-giving-you-shit-but-Im-smiling-while-Im-doing-it thing. Its kind of effective, coming from her. Pixley sums up their (half) date as the "ridiculous requirement made by the girl that you really wanted to be with and you wouldnt have been there if you hadnt been forced." Yeah, I can see how guys would have to be forced to spend time with Pixley. Where is Turtleneck with those coats? Casey asks for her phone number, even though we just found out theres only one Pixley Robinson in the book. Pixley says no. Casey says okay and looks like hes going to leave. Pixley says "give me yours" and the lite pseudo-bluesy music starts up and Casey writes his name and number on her wrist. Then he leaves to get back to his current sham date whom we never actually see. Commercials.

, Danny is saying, "how could you have not heard of this game?" and Dave is saying, "Dan --" The show has just started and someone is already annoyed with Danny. Danny says, "Its one of the greatest baseball games ever played in the history of baseball." Silly me, thinking he might have meant it was one of the greatest baseball games ever played in the history of golf. Dave has no idea what hes talking about and explains he doesnt have to know sports since hes the "technical director." Dan says, "Everyone should know this," and reveals, finally, that hes talking about the 1951 pennant playoff between the Brooklyn Dodgers and the New York Giants, and he goes into excruciating detail about the Giants-Dodgers rivalry. Ill sum it up: In August of 1951 the Giants were 13.5 games out of first place, and they came back to tie the Dodgers for first, necessitating a one-game playoff for the pennant. The Dodgers are leading 4-1 in the bottom of the ninth when Bobby Thomson hits a home run to win the game, a home run that came to be known as "The Shot Heard Round The World," except this one didnt spark a World War. ["Actually, the original Shot Heard Round The World was fired on Lexington Green against the British Redcoats to begin the American Revolution." -- Sars] Nowhere in Dannys drawn-out, overly dramatic explanation does he touch on why the hell he is going on about it, with home-run hitting gestures and everything. He is right about it being one of the most famous baseball games ever. For the life of me, though, I cant figure out where a 1951 baseball game fits in with Sports Nights attempts to be topical.

So, a couple of hours after Danny starts explaining about the game, he gets to the part about the home run and I figure hes done, but he starts in with the commentary by Russ Hodges, which, similarly, is one of the most famous broadcasts ever, and it consists mostly of "The Giants win the pennant! The Giants win the pennant!" over and over, and Danny does a lousy Russ Hodges impression which, if I were Dave, would lead me to suspect that one of the anchors of the show had taken to smoking big bowls of crack. Now Danny is saying, "[Hodges] just kept going, the guy just kept going on, the Giants win the pennant! The Giants win the pennant!" and Dan grabs Dave by the shoulders and says, "The Giants win the pennant!" Danny certainly has the "just kept going on" part of the impression down cold. And Dave is laughing instead of kicking Dannys ass. Danny says, "I think I listened to a tape of Russ Hodges making that call, I dont know, every night for, I think, four or five years." Dave, instead of asking if Danny had any friends, very graciously says, "You like sports, dont you, Danny," which Danny confirms.

Now Jeremy walks by and says "hey." So buckle up, because you know were in for the classic Walking While Talking Scene Transition and Dave says, "I gotta go, my scene is over," and Danny starts chasing after Jeremy and says, "I think we should do a feature on Bobby Thomsons homer," and Jeremy, probably realizing that there arent too many sports fans who dont know how that game turned out, says, "Why?" and Danny says, "50th anniversary," so in this episode, we learn that math is not one of Dannys strengths. Jeremy corrects him, "49th anniversary," which isnt right yet anyway, either, and Danny says, "Deserving of a tribute," and Jeremy says, "A 49th anniversary tribute?" and Danny says, "Theres a law it has to comes in fives and tens?" No, but Id like to know what the law of anniversary journalism is anyway, The Law of Slow News Days and Unimaginative Journalists? But Jeremy says, "No, none that I know of." Danny for some reason says, "We make our own laws, Jeremy." You are so right, Danny. Screw the system! Well do 49th anniversary stories! Total anarchy! Tonight, on Sports Night: Martial Law! Jeremy suggests Dan talk to Isaac, and Danny says, "I dont need Isaacs permission, I make my own laws." Would someone explain to me why the hell he keeps going on about making his own laws? Finally we have arrived at Jeremys desk but annoyingly, all those stupid people from the bar last night are now milling about in front of the camera again. Jeremy says Danny should talk to Isaac because "he was there," and Danny says, "Where?" Dammit, Danny, on the set of Judge Dredd where you stole all this "I am the law!" nonsense -- where do you think? Maybe at the game youve been blathering about nonstop for two hours? Jeremy says, "The game." Danny says "the Giants game?" I start to weep at this point. Jeremy says, "Yeah." Danny says, "Youre kidding." Jeremy: "No." Danny thinks for a minute, then: "He was there?" I figured they would be at this for a while, so I went out and bought some groceries, came back and made some chili, and came back into my living room, to find Danny saying, "He was there?" and the tape in my VCR had run out so I put in a new one and kept watching. Danny says, "How come you knew that and I didnt know that?" My theory is that Jeremy sometimes pauses when he speaks and is able to discuss subjects other than himself. Danny says he will go talk to Isaac. Before he does, though, he says "youre telling me he was there, Branca pitch, Thomson swung, crack, the Giants win the pennant! the Giants win the pennant! he was there?" and all Jeremy says is yes, instead of "yes, goddammit!" Jeremy has the calm of Buddha, if you ask me.

You know, this show is only half-an-hour. To move things along more quickly, might I suggest the characters once in a while take a statement at face value instead of spending 45 minutes incredulously repeating what the other character has just told them?

Danny goes into Isaacs office and says he has a problem, and Isaacs face lights up when Danny brings up the game, and Danny is miffed that Isaac told Jeremy but not Danny even though Danny thought they had a special bond. Isaac says they do, but Danny says it doesnt feel like it and that its "not special when you have it with other people too," and instead of saying, "Stuff it, you big crybaby," Isaac asks, "Why did you come in here?" Danny says he wants to do a piece on the game. Isaac gives him the "49th anniversary?" thing, and Danny repeats his "breakin the law! breakin the law!" line about "theres a law its got to come in fives and tens, what?" only I notice that when hes face-to-face with Isaac he isnt throwing around his "I dont need Isaacs permission" or "I make my own laws" nonsense. Isaac covered the game, Danny wants to put him on camera to talk about it, Isaac says no. "Why not?" says Danny. "Because I said so," says Isaac, leaning back in his chair. He wants to know what the occasion is. "Its probably one of the greatest games ever played, and spring is coming, thats the occasion," says Danny. Oh, well, if spring is coming, I think, looking out my window at the mid-January snowdrifts. Spring. Right in the middle of hockey and basketball season; right in the middle of the NFL playoffs; a basketball player dead after drag racing; a pitcher making disparaging comments about immigrants, Asians, homosexuals and single mothers; a football player on trial for murdering his wife; what better time could there possibly be for a story on a 48.3-year-old game? As if CSC hasnt already shown Thomsons home run over and over again as part of endless end-of-1999 "best of the millennium" retrospectives and filler. Isaac gives Danny the go-ahead to do the feature, but he wont go on camera and even has to say "because I said so" again. Danny says he isnt feeling "that special bond." Isaac says "life is like that" and then calls Danny "homey" and goes back to work, ending the conversation. Finally. Danny pouts off.

In the control room, Dana is lecturing the crew about the meaning of "momentarily," how it doesnt mean "in a moment" but "for a moment." Shes wrong, though, because the "in a moment" usage is acceptable, but mainly used in North America. Meanwhile, everyone else is trying to get real work done and Im pretty sure Danas condescension would be incredibly aggravating more than "momentarily." I dont understand this bit -- did I miss an episode wherein Sports Night received many complaints over a misuse of "momentarily" or something? What with sports broadcasters and athletes in general being known for their incredible command of the English language and everything. I would like to say, though, that sometimes the Language Manglers add to the games appeal, and here Im thinking of guys like Yogi Berra and Casey Stengel, and I also dont necessarily mind when jocks-turned-broadcasters assault the ear with such creations as "transitioning" and "formationing." If I want perfect grammar, Im not turning on a football game. Unless Dana would rather lecture on the proper usage of "booyah" she should consider shutting up momentarily. But she doesnt, saying, "That makes me crazy." Jeremy says, "Weve been wondering what the source was." Heh. Dana repeats the definition of "momentarily" again, which is two times too many already, if you ask me. Dana says "on the plane, when they say well be landing momentarily, I call over a flight attendant and say, if we land momentarily, it wont give the passengers enough time to get off the plane." Shes gesturing with her pen and the technicians are looking at each other. If I were a stewardess (or a steward or a male nurse or whatever the hell theyre called) and I were confronted with Danas All-Powerful Know-It-All-ness, I would likely remind her that her seat should be in the upright position, her tray-table returned to the seat in front of her and the large metal rod should have been stored in the overhead container and not up her ass. Jeremy says, "Once safely inside the airport, how long do they usually detain you for questioning?" Heh. Jeremy is on fire! Dana says, "Well, they know me by now," which deserves a "heh" as well, so this little scene ends not as annoyingly as it could have.

Back at the desk, Casey says, "Listen." Danny groans. "What?" says Casey. Dan says he�s known all day long that Casey wants to tell him something. Guess they cut that scene. Casey says, "You remember Pixley?" and it would have been funny if Danny said, "Pixley who?" But he didn�t. Danny says, "Date #1." "Yes." "You saw her last night." "Yeah." "You gave her your number." "Yes." "Can�t stop thinking about her and you want to call her." "Yes." "But you feel guilty about it because it�s an emotional abandonment of Dana," and Casey denies it�s an abandonment. Danny says he wants to be left out of it because he likes Dana and he knows how this is going to turn out, which Casey scoffs at as well. Casey explains he�s just having these feelings but it doesn�t mean he�s going to act on them. Whatever, Casey. You sure handled Dana pretty smoothly a moment ago for someone who isn�t abandoning her, buddy. Danny hands Casey a phone message from Pixley. "She called," says Casey, a little excited and not at all pissed off that Danny waited until just before airtime to give it to him.

So they go live and all they do is tease the top stories of the show with annoying puns like "Bruins get bearish" and "don�t bet on the Rebels" which is a Vegas reference because the Runnin� Rebels are the UNLV team. Then they throw to commercial and Casey takes out the Pixley message and stares at it and he holds it really close to his face like he forgot his glasses.

Isaac�s office. Dan knocks and enters and Isaac expresses surprise to see him. "Because I�m supposed to be on air?" says Danny. Yeah, says Isaac. Dan has "four minutes and twenty seconds." Isaac ponders the idea of Danny babbling on at him for four minutes and twenty seconds, yet his head doesn�t implode. He says, "Let�s see how long we can hold our breath," which I thought was pretty funny. Danny starts setting the scene of the game with, "It was 3-1 in the bottom of the ninth," and you�d think an obsessive like Danny would know it was 4-1, but Isaac is tired of this and tells him he doesn�t want to talk about it. Danny repeats, "Come on! It was 3-1 in the bottom of the ninth�" and this may have been an intentional mistake because Isaac corrects him: "It was 4-1. It was 4-1 in the bottom of the ninth." Danny shuts up. "The Dodgers� director of player relations came into the pressbox chewing on a cigar, telling us where we could pick up our credentials for the World Series." Danny sits down, enraptured and says, "Because he didn�t know the Giants were about to stage one of the biggest comebacks�" Yeah, Danny, somehow I don�t think he�d had the chance to listen to the Russ Hodges tape every night for a few years as a kid, but Isaac interrupts him to continue. "That�s right. There was no place to sit in the pressbox, I stood up the whole game. But then when he took Newcombe out, I ran to the men�s room. I knew I had time because Branca was notorious for taking his time on the mound warming up. �Cept he didn�t this time." And the sad music starts up and it dawns on Danny why Isaac didn�t want to talk about it. And Isaac admits he never saw the home run. "I was in the men�s room. I was washing my hands. Branca warmed up a lot faster." Danny: "You never saw Thomson�s home run." Good news, Isaac! Danny�s got it on tape in the production room! Danny says, "You were at the game." Isaac says, "I was washing my hands." "Never wash your hands!" says Danny. Yeah, that�s great, Dan. "If only you�d been my mother," says Isaac and Danny repeats "you didn�t see the home run" and "you were washing your hands" about 50 times. Then he asks Isaac if he was "bummed" and Isaac says he was, for a while, "but then you get older and it just shows all the other things in your life that happened while you were looking the other way." Danny, suitably chastened, pauses and says, "Did you see your daughter get born?" "Yeah," says Isaac. "Did you see her graduate college?" asks Danny. "Yeah," says Isaac. "You watching Sports Night tonight?" and I think someone has an inflated sense of his show�s importance but Isaac says, "Yeah." Danny says, "Then shut up," and Isaac laughs. Danny and Isaac smile at each other (special bond) and Danny leaves to get back to the show.