The Six Southern Gentlemen Of Tennessee

In the control room, Dana is making some last-minute changes to the rundown. As Jeremy comes in, Dana asks him what's happening in Chattanooga. He seems a little confused, but it does sound like the set-up for a joke or something. Maybe because Chattanooga has one of those odd names and it's hard to remember they're actual places where people live because the name makes people laugh. Like Walla Walla. Or Tuktoyaktuk. Or, let's face it, Moose Jaw. But Jeremy doesn't know anything about what's going on in Chattanooga. At the desk, Danny is saying that Casey should make it a New Year's resolution to learn the names of people "on the team" better. Casey says he agrees, but if you ask me, he doesn't sound overly sincere, because he's all "I'm saying I know the guy's name now." Dan looks a little concerned.

In the control room, Natalie is just getting off the phone with "Brian in Chattanooga." This pleases Dana, who wants to know what's going on, and she instructs Casey that they've got news from Chattanooga for the tease. Then Natalie says, "He doesn't know anything." Hyuk. But at least Dana provides the bare outline, saying there was an incident at "Tennessee Western" involving some black students and a Confederate flag. "What happened?" asks Casey. Dana admits that they don't know.

The show goes live. Casey teases upcoming hockey features, and Dan teases "the sheer pointlessness of a 0-0 tie" in soccer. I -- oh, forget it. What's the use? Isaac comes into the control room wanting to know what's going on in Chattanooga. Dana says they don't know anything, surprising Isaac, who points out that this is a news-gathering organization. "What's the problem?" he asks. "We're not very good," says Dana. What once might have passed for mocking self-deprecation can only here be seen as quiet acknowledgement of a brutal truth. Commercials.

Back from commercials, Kelly Kirkpatrick in Green Bay throws back to Dan and Casey. Dan thanks her, then says, "You look cold. Put some clothes on." I hope that wasn't a nipple reference. Then the boys talk about how it's time for the annual Play of the Year selection. Danny says their "crack staff" has been debating it (and I think that should be "crackhead staff"), but Sports Night wants to hear what the viewers think. Show's over. Kim strides by. I look at her and wonder what the big fuss is over Sally Sasser. As they leave the set, Danny asks Casey what he plans on cooking tomorrow morning. Casey says it's not a cooking show, it's a news show. "Are you sure?" says Dan. Casey's sure. We find out that Casey's going to be on The View. A news show? Really? I've never watched it, but I was under the impression that it's a talk show. Doesn't the presence of Barbara Walters automatically disqualify it as having any sort of news value? Dan wants to know who the other guest is, but Casey is reluctant to say. Dan keeps pressing. "It's Wolfgang Puck! You want a piece of me?" yells Casey. Danny backs down. Casey says it wouldn't kill Danny to do a little press, but Danny reminds Casey that he's under a gag order for six months (after he said there was nothing he likes better than sparkin' up a big fat blunt. Or something. I'm fuzzy on the details; check the recap for "The Apology"). "You want me to talk to somebody?" says Casey. Dan says, "No, I want to dance with somebody. With. Somebody. Who loves meeee..." And I think when my mind is off at play in the fields of Whitney Houston, it's time to up my meds. Actually, Danny breaks down and starts begging Casey to talk to someone so he can give interviews, and Casey says he will. Dana pops her head in the office to tell Casey to knock 'em dead on the cooking show tomorrow. Casey says "thanks" and Dan giggles.

, we are on The View, which features, as far as I know, the actual women from that show, who are fawning all over Casey. Yeah, looks like hard news. Casey gives a shout-out to his partner, Dan Rydell, "who couldn't be here this morning." "Hope he has a good excuse!" says one woman. "Yes," says Casey, "he likes to sleep late." Everybody laughs way out of proportion to the actual funniness of that line. Then the woman says she understands that Dan and Casey write together. Casey says "yes." The woman beside him, the one who is played by Tracey Morgan on the Saturday Night Live parody and apparently is always saying, "Now, I am a lawyer," says, "Now, how does that work?" Casey gives another line about how he takes the nouns and verbs and Dan takes the adjectives and prepositions. Again everybody busts up laughing. Then this blonde woman says they can't let him go without asking him about his ties. She's really flirting. Okay, someone help me out. Is The View really supposed to be a news show? ["God, no. It's like Estrogen & Kathie Lee." -- Sars] The Tracey Morgan woman says something about his "famous" neckties. How sad is this interview? Tracey Morgan says that a man who knows how to dress himself is very sexy. Casey says, "Which is why so many of us [something] Carrot Top," and I couldn't make it out, but what kind of tired name to drop is Carrot Top? Wait, when was Carrot Top ever actually cool? Then Tracey Morgan plugs Sports Night, and I guess it must have been sweeps when this episode aired to earn a powerhouse crossover like this.

Rundown meeting. Dana wants to know what they've found out about a Chattanooga. Jeremy, who apparently the only one who actually does any work around here, says that Roland Shepherd is a tailback from Tipelow, a small town in western Tennessee. He gives Shepherd's stats; he's a really good tailback. Not only that, he's also carrying a 3.3 GPA with a major in chemical engineering, "and the engineering department at Tennessee Western is for real," says Jeremy. The problem is that he's threatened with expulsion; the school flies the Confederate flag outside the stadium, and Shepherd refuses to play. Jeremy says there will be a press conference later where it will be announced Shepherd is suspended from the team, meaning that his scholarship will be revoked, "as a result of which Roland will go back and pump gas in Tipelow, Tennessee." Dana assigns Dan the press conference and reminds everyone that she needs to hear some plays of the year ideas by the end of the day. Meeting adjourned, and Isaac tells Danny he needs to talk to him. That's good, responds Danny, saying he also needs to talk to Isaac. "Who should go first?" asks Danny. "Since I really don't care what you have to say, I think it should be me," says Isaac. Danny smiles and says, "Fair enough." Isaac says Sachs has a couple of buildings named after him. "Yeah, he's a hell of a guy," says Dan, not sounding overly sincere. "He's a Southerner," says Isaac. "Faulkner was a Southerner," says Danny, but Isaac says, "Faulkner was a Southern gentleman." "There's a difference?" says Dan. "The difference, Danny, is all the difference." They arrive in Isaac's office. Isaac says that Luther wants a piece on the Southern tradition in arts, culture, and sports. "All symbolized by the Confederate flag," says Dan, understanding. Isaac says, "There are days, Danny, when I'm too tired to fight that man." Danny says that when that happens, Isaac should let them know so they can fight for him. "You've got to stop thinking of me as the champion of all things black," says Isaac. Danny says nothing. Commercials.

Later, Casey can't get enough of himself and is actually watching a tape of his appearance on The View, a pretty little picture of narcissism in action. We see again the part where Tracey Morgan tells him a man who can dress himself is a sexy thing. Pay attention, because that's important. Oh, and I hear that what he said was, "That's why so many of us are drawn to Carrot Top," which I don't think even actually makes sense. Then a young blonde woman is at the door, saying, "Excuse me, Mr. McCall?" She says she wants to ask him a question, but if it's a bad time she can come back. "What's your question?" he says. She hesitates, then says, "What's my name?" Casey, of course, can't answer. He says he's not very good with names. "Who was the number-two man on the Red Sox staff in 1977?" she says. "It was Ferguson Jenkins," says Casey quietly. Well, come on, that was an easy one. Everybody knows that. She says, "My name is Monica. I live on the second floor. I live upstairs from you." Okay, I've got to stop this! At least I've moved from Whitney Houston to Suzanne Vega. What she really says is, "I'm the assistant wardrobe supervisor for Sports Night as well as two other shows here at CSC. I think you hurt the feelings of the woman I work for." You can just see Casey about to say, "Look, I lost her number." Monica goes on, "Her name is Maureen and she's been working here since the day you started." Casey tries to pretend he knows who Maureen is. Then she holds up a tie and asks what colour it is. He says it's grey, but can barely look at it. "It's called gunmetal. Grey has more ivory in it, gunmetal has more blue." Uh oh. Can't. Stop. Eyes. From. Rolling.

Then Monica holds up two shirts, one white, one blue. Or maybe they're eggshell and periwinkle, I DON'T KNOW. She asks him which shirt goes with the tie. He says he doesn't know, and she starts to get a little preachy and tells him that of course he doesn't know, he's not expected to know what shirt goes with what tie, or what might clash with what Dan's wearing, et cetera. She says he gets a lot of attention and praise for what he actually does do, and it's all deserved. "When you go on a talk show and get complimented for something you didn't, how hard would it be to say, 'That's not me, that's a woman named Maureen who's been working for us since the first day, it's Maureen who dresses me every night. And without Maureen I wouldn't know gunmetal from a hole in the ground.'" Revelation music starts playing as Monica asks him if he knows how much it would have meant to her. Casey looks like he'd love to crawl under a rock. Now she gets all servant-remembering-her-place and apologizes if she took up too much of his time. Then she asks him not to tell Maureen she spoke to him. "I won't...Monica..." says Casey. Little late to prove you know her name, bud. Of course he won't speak to Maureen about this. As if he ever speaks to Maureen. Maybe we should all be pleased he didn't hit on Monica. And I appreciate Monica's sentiment and all, and yes, Casey should learn people's damn names and not be quite so self-absorbed, and yes, people deserve credit for what they do, but Monica might have laid it on a little thick here. I mean, maybe she and Maureen should consider themselves lucky they're able to earn a living off their ability to distinguish gunmetal from grey.

In the meeting room, Kim, Elliot, Jeremy, and Natalie are working on the Play of the Year. Natalie suggests making a list of the pros and cons of each idea. "Why do women like making lists?" says Jeremy. Then my Filter Dialogue Filter kicks in and puts the television on Mute and imagines Sorkin writing some of his own lists, like "To Do Today: 1. Quit using lame stand-up material to fill space. 2. Find a better place to hide my stash."

Kim suggests "women's ice hockey," which Jeremy scoffs at, even though the team won the first U.S. Women's Olympic hockey gold medal. Jeremy denigrates the accomplishment by saying that they beat a bunch of Slovakian cocktail waitresses. What's the bug up Jeremy's ass this episode? He suggests Mark McGwire hitting seventy home runs. Kim sneers that it's a little obvious. Jeremy suggests whatever Jeff Gordon did in 1998. I don't follow NASCAR. Kim sneers at that one too. Jeremy suggests Hermann Meier in the '98 Olympics and -- in a surprise move -- Kim sneers! It's pretty obvious she's just pouting because Jeremy didn't like her suggestion.

Dan walks into Isaac's office while Isaac is watching a tape of the Roland Shepherd press conference. Roland speaks of how he's the first in his family to go to college, but they'd be ashamed of him playing under the Confederate flag. "What do you think'll happen to him?" asks Dan. Isaac doesn't answer, just says all he's done all day is watch the press conference over and over. Dan says he'll get picked up by another team. Isaac says six of Roland's teammates have also stepped down, two of them white, none of them starters. "They're the ones that'll have some trouble," says Isaac. Dan came in to tell Isaac he did a piece that takes the position that the flag symbolizes a long tradition of great art, culture, and statesmen. "That's crap," growls Isaac. Dan says everyone's surprised that Isaac's not doing a commentary on this himself. Isaac closes the door and reluctantly reveals that Luther has been looking for an excuse to fire Isaac for about six months. "Are you sure?" says Dan. Isaac says no. He says he used to pick fights with management all the time. He never worried about getting fired, because there was always someone willing to hire him. "Luther can hire someone half my age to do my job. I like my life right now," he says. Dan isn't having it. He reminds Isaac of the six players standing by Roland Shepherd. "You don't think if Luther ever showed you the door, there wouldn't be about a hundred people lined up behind you?" He tells Isaac that something real bad is going on in Chattanooga, by the pricking of his thumbs, and Luther can stop it, and he encourages Isaac to do an on-air editorial. "Not this time," says Isaac. Dan looks disappointed. Isaac tells him to say anything about their conversation to anyone else. Dan says "sure" and leaves.

In the control room, Jeremy suggests the Yankees winning the World Series. I'd really like to comment on that, but, well, listen. You can't repeat this to anyone, but Sars has been looking for a reason to fire me for about six months now. I'm not positive, but there it is. So all I'll say is that the Yankees have a proud tradition, all symbolized by their pinstriped uniforms. ["All right, you can stay, but your desk is going out in the hall. AGAIN." -- Sars] Dana says they forgot Jordan and the Bulls winning the NBA championship. "Yeah, there's something that doesn't happen a lot," says Jeremy, like, what -- winning three championships in a row? Insert Sars rah-rah-ing about the Yankees here. ["Nobody makes you root for the Expos, sucker." -- Sars] Anyway, the back row asks Will, Chris, and Dave for suggestions, and the TCs are all amazed that they're being asked their opinions. Also, it's interesting that, for the purposes of this episode, Kim has been promoted from the ranks of the TCs into the Inner Circle. Here are their suggestions: Dave, Mark O'Meara winning two majors. Big deal, says Tiger Woods. Chris, Cal Ripken ending the streak. Okay, I love Cal Ripken Jr. as much as anyone, but it'll be a long time before the Play of the Year is someone sitting out a game. Will, Peyton Manning. Shut up, Will. Dana calls their suggestions a colossal waste of time, which was pretty funny. The TCs return to their usual leper status.

Isaac comes in and apologizes to Dana for springing it on her on such short notice, but he needs some airtime. He says if she needs some room, she can probably dump Dan's piece. "I don't think he'll mind," he says. Dana smiles and says, "No, I don't believe he will." "He said something to you, didn't he," says Isaac. Dana doesn't say.

Casey introduces Isaac, who gives a stirring speech about the situation at Tennessee Western, careful to acknowledge that there is much to celebrate in the South, but he doesn't pull any punches, either, as he calls the Confederate flag a "banner of hatred." He says, "To ask young black men and women, young Jewish men and women, Asians, Native Americans...to ask Americans to walk beneath its shadow is a humiliation of irreducible proportions and we all know it." Dan beams from the sidelines as Isaac tells the viewers that Luther Sachs is a graduate of TW, and we see what looks like the entire crew gathered round to listen. Isaac says that Luther has considerable influence over the school's chancellor and its board of trustees. He exhorts Luther to call the chancellor and tell him to take the flag down under threat of discontinuing his generous donations. "You've got to put these young men back in the classroom and I mean pronto. These boys are going to make you proud one day, Luther. I challenge you to do the right thing." He closes his address by saying, "God go with you, Roland Shepherd and you six Southern gentlemen of Tennessee. God's not done with any of you yet." Casey goes to commercial and then congratulates Isaac as the crew starts clapping. Dan calls out that he wants to kiss Isaac on the mouth. This, naturally, alarms Isaac, so he escapes to the control room, where he receives a standing ovation. Dana is speechless. Yay! Jeremy says, "Play of the year." Shutting Dana up? Indisputably.

Kim comes in from the other room and says, "Isaac?" "Showtime?" he says. "Luther Sachs on line four," she tells him. As Isaac leaves to take the call, Danny says, "Right behind you," and they bump fists.

Back to the desk, where Dan and Casey are signing off by saying that, in the spirit of the holiday season, they wanted to let viewers know about some people who are very important to the show. Naturally, they start with Maureen and her assistant, Monica, "who is not to be trifled with," says Casey. They rattle off a list of cameramen and script people and such, which I understand were the real names of people who work on Sports Night (the ABC show). It was really nice, so I won't make fun of it.

However, I will make fun of the ultra-cheesy Santa Claus hat hanging on the first S in "Sports Night" as we fade out. Stupid Santa Claus hat.