It's just before showtime. Dan and Casey are on their way to the studio, and they're going over the rules of blackjack. Casey wants to know when Dan became the guy who knows more than him about blackjack, like Casey needs everything just so in his life, and everyone in his support network (the people most of us would call "friends") needs to stay within their allotted roles; otherwise Casey has a hard time dealing with it when someone grows or changes. And it's an example of how extreme Casey's particular need to categorize people actually is in that one of the ways he ranks people is in the scope of their blackjack knowledge. Anyway, Casey tells Dan that Dan usually loses at blackjack, and Dan says that "tonight's different" because he's in the zone, and if that's not something a compulsive gambler would say, I don't know what is. How sad that Danny brings a sports term over to his seedy gambling problem; I remember when "the zone" was strictly a basketball term, and it's a very palpable feeling you get when you're in it -- a confidence you get because every time the ball leaves your fingertips you know it's going in the basket. And Danny using it to describe a game of chance (and I've played blackjack, so don't tell me you can play smart and make money, because the rules aren't designed for the house to lose, despite what James Coburn would have you believe) is just sad. But as Casey and Danny argue about whether or not there's a zone, Danny claims there is a "very palpable" zone, which is annoyingly what I just said about the zone in basketball.
, Casey is telling Jeremy to check Natalie's shot sheet (except it sounds like he's saying "Chachi") because she got something wrong. "You got something wrong?" says Jeremy, turning to Natalie, who snaps at him and calls him "Wonder Boy" and says after the show she's going to kill herself. Jeremy, it's not too late to climb Everest, you know, if Natalie's all you have holding you back. "Why don't you go play tennis with your friends?" she says, and Jeremy whines, "How many times do you want me to say I'm sorry?" as Natalie flounces on out of there past Elliot. "It's going to be a few more times," says Elliot. "We're having a little thing," says Jeremy to Dana. But Dana can't be bothered to listen to Jeremy: "I've been hearing about it all day," she says curtly, probably because it looks like Jeremy screwed up, so therefore he must be treated with scorn by Dana. "She wanted to go to the movies," says Jeremy. Dana: "I really have been hearing about it all day." Translation: "Your side of the story doesn't interest me, silly male." The only other alternative is that Dana dislikes discussing people's personal lives at work -- and we all know that's not true. Anyway, Isaac pops in to tell Dana he needs to see her outside, where he tells her he's shrinking. "But that's not what I came to tell you," he says. Oh, well, good thing you said that. Now, with any luck, Dana won't endlessly refer to it for the rest of the episode. The real reason Isaac needed to talk to her was to tell her that Peter and Paul, the West Coast update guys, are stuck in Pittsburgh. Dana is disappointed on Danny and Casey's behalf, as we learn that they're supposed to go to Atlantic City. "Not tonight," says Isaac. Dana warns him that Danny and Casey are going to be pretty mad, so he needs to get in there and tell them. He reveals that he's delegating that particular job to her. She does not seem happy about it.
“ Dana mockingly gives instructions for her to 'make sure Casey sees your cleavage as you walk out...there you go.' Except there was no cleavage. I was looking. I know cleavage. ”
Dana heads back into the control room and tells the folks there that Peter and Paul are stuck in Pittsburgh and Dan and Casey won't be able to go to Atlantic City tonight. "Who's going to tell them?" asks Natalie. "Funny you should ask that, Natalie," says Dana. D'oh!
At the desk, Danny is getting scary with his blackjack lecture, haranguing Casey. "I say 'double down,' what do you do?" Tough question. Casey wants to know how Danny knows he's in the zone. Danny slams a deck of cards down on the desk and tells Casey to cut it. Casey: nine. Danny: jack. Casey: seven. Danny: eight. Casey starts nodding, then draws a queen. Danny calmly draws an ace. "Dude, you are in the zone!" and they high-five each other. And I was really annoyed at this, because I tried to remember the last time I high-fived someone outside of some sort of athletic competition and then I realized it was just a few weeks ago at the bar when I found out the Kings beat the Flames, meaning I had won $50, and I high-fived a friend of mine, but he was expecting to buy a round now. Maybe it's a gambling thing.
Natalie walks over to the desk to warn them that she has bad news. Nothing can spoil their good mood, though, because they're going to Atlantic City! "Not going to happen," says Natalie, and tells them the news about them having to do the West Coast update. The guys seem disappointed, and Natalie gets all apologetic on them, but they both say "no problem" and tell her "life's like that sometimes." Relieved, Natalie compliments them both on their maturity, which I won't even comment on. After she leaves, though, it's a different story, as Danny says, "Bites!" and Casey says, "Bites hard!" Suck it up, gentlemen. They go live, hiding the tracks of their tears. They go to commercial, and nobody says anything funny at all. Commercials.
Back from commercial, this woman who looks to be about eight feet tall is thanking the boys for sticking around and doing the West Coast update. Casey says it's no problem. But the woman -- this would be Sally Sasser -- says she doesn't like being stuck doing the 2 AM slot. "This is just a temp gig," she says. "Temp gig?" says Casey. "Temporary gig," says Dan. Then Casey is all sarcastically and eye-rollingly "thanks," but you did ask, Casey. Then she starts listing all the people she's "talking" to, as if, and as if it means anything anyway: CNBC, MSNBC. Danny says, "M-O-U-S-E," drawing a warning "Danny" from Casey, but Danny points out that she's only listening to herself. Proving his point, she says she's even talking to CNN. Casey's trying to be polite; Danny points out that they're in the middle of their show, but she doesn't take the hint and jabbers on about how they do good work on the 2 AM slot. In the control room, Dave says, "Sally, we're back in thirty and you're in our shot." Dana says, "I have a keen dislike for that woman." Natalie says she's "perfectly nice," drawing a rebuke from Dana, who wants some "back-up" from Natalie: "Can we have a bond over this, please?" Natalie irritatingly says she'll start disliking Sally if Dana stops thinking Jeremy's right, although it's not like Dana has been acting like she's on Jeremy's side. They strike a deal. Natalie asks Sally to move because "camera two's pretty much got your butt framed." She says that like it's a bad thing. Sally shimmies off as Dana mockingly gives instructions for her to "make sure Casey sees your cleavage as you walk out...there you go." Except there was no cleavage. I was looking. I know cleavage. The boys sign off and "entice" the viewers by telling them they're subbing in on West Coast update that night. Dan says, "Goodnight, Mom," for reasons we never discern.
“ Dana makes more jokes about Isaac shrinking and Isaac grumbles some more about firing her, like, he shouldn't get my hopes up like that. ”
As they're de-miked, Danny points out they have some time to kill and a deck of cards. "Yessss..." says Casey, and then these two idiots start acting like grifters out to separate their co-workers from their money. They walk and talk into the newsroom, trading Witty Banter, except Dan flubs a set-up from Casey. This gives him pause. "Uh-oh," he says. Casey points at him. "You're not in the zone anymore, are ya?" Danny concedes this. "I'm down here with the rest of you!" he says, genuinely worried. Casey starts gesturing Danny into their office and says, "Let's play cards, come on!" in such a manner that we are led to believe that "let's play cards!" is some sort of euphemism.
Dana walks into Isaac's office and pretends not to see him for a moment. You know, because he's getting shorter? Remember that part from a little while ago? Remember? Isaac doesn't look amused, joining everybody else watching this episode. Dana has papers in her hand and says she has "downloaded some stuff" on osteoporosis. "Dana, this is no joke," he says, except it appears that she's genuinely trying to help, telling him it's not an inevitable result of aging. "In fact, if you haven't reached menopause yet...oh, wait," like, good one, Dana. Isaac grumpily says, "Thank you very much!" while Dana smiles, all pleased at her stupid joke. Dan pops in to ask if they want to join them in the sport of kings, and Dana says horseracing is the sport of kings, while poker is the sport of people who play poker. Another good one from Dana. Then she tells Danny that Isaac is shrinking. "Oh yeah, Dana, I forget to tell you. Spread that around!" says Isaac. They establish the ground rules of the poker game. "Shoe money tonight!" squeals the irrepressible Dana Whitaker. Isaac looks at her. Danny says, "Whatever," at exactly the same time I do. Dana makes more jokes about Isaac shrinking and Isaac grumbles some more about firing her, like, he shouldn't get my hopes up like that.
In an editing room, an apologetic Jeremy is trying to explain to Natalie that "it was one night" and "it was tennis," which, to me, sounds like Jeremy is over-apologizing for something that can't be that big a deal. Natalie complains that it was the first time they both had the same night off in two weeks. Jeremy says they spend every night together. Natalie lists what that entails: "We go back to my place or we go back to your place. We have a lot of sex. We watch the 2 AM wrap-up, we go to sleep, we come to work." Jeremy looks as befuddled as I feel about what exactly the problem is there. The difference between me and Jeremy, though, is that I would know better than to actually say, "Working out pretty well for me," making Natalie's face go hard. She stomps on out of there; Jeremy pathetically trails after her, claiming it was a joke. They argue all the way into the control room, where Natalie whines that instead of going to the movies with her, he decided to play tennis with Judy Rooty-Tooty. "You guys getting all this?" Jeremy asks the TCs. Will asks the question on everybody's minds: "You know someone named Judy Rooty-Tooty?" Jeremy explains that it's an actress friend of his, Judy Rustin Taylor (props for the giving the young actress three names). Chris actually says, "I hear she's great in that new thing." Yeah, I heard the new thing was great too. As we have no reason to believe this is anything other than Natalie forbidding Jeremy to spend time with anyone else but her, I think I'll stop recapping this little temper tantrum now.
Well, except to complain about her actually implying that Jeremy will not get to have sex with her tonight, like, so much for keeping things private like they talked about last episode.
Casey invites everybody to play poker, which I suspect is really just his way of getting everybody else to stay late since he and Danny have to. Anyway, Natalie sees this as an opportunity to "teach Jeremy a lesson." He asks if she even knows how to play poker, and if he wants to keep saying the dumbest things possible in a fight with his girlfriend, it's going to get tougher and tougher to defend him. Natalie says the boys in "Sigma Kappa Pi" let her play in their poker game any time she wanted. "Now why do you suppose that was?" she asks, kind of cockily. "'Cause you're a knockout and your parents are loaded?" says Jeremy, nailing two reasons, but I'm sure there's a third prerequisite that would have earned Natalie free rein among the boys of Sigma Kappa Pi, but I won't say it, because I don't know her that well. Unlike the boys of Sigma Kappa Pi. So she wonders if Jeremy's worried she'll embarrass himself and thus he "won't be able to go to Sundance with Judy the Ho." Now she's insulting his friends. Tell you what -- I really, genuinely dislike Natalie at this moment. Jeremy seems to too, and decides he's up for a little poker.
Back from commercial, the gang is seated around a where-did-this-come-from-all-of-a-sudden green felt table, and Danny is still talking about when he was in the zone as he instructs Casey: "Tell them about the time I was in the zone." Casey, bored: "There was this time he was in the zone." Not a man to mince words, this Casey. Going around the table, the gang tosses in their chips. Dana, smoking a cigar, yells, "Shoe money tonight!" again, annoying me and Isaac. Natalie, eyeing Jeremy, raises the bet $10. Jeremy asks her if she doesn't owe him enough money already. She brings up "the boys of Sigma Kappa Pi" again. Jeremy says, "Natalie, you owe me, like, $700,000. I'm basically your landlord at this point. Stop playing!" "Jealous of the frat boys?" she say. "There are times you're not that easy to love," he says. Jeremy, my brother, it sounds like it's actually quite the opposite.
In a shot from just beyond the shoulders of Dan and Casey, Sally comes in. "How're my guys?" she asks. Her guys look fine, if you ask me. Oh, she means Dan and Casey. She starts talking about what a great show they have lined up, like suddenly she's hosting Saturday Night Live. When she starts talking about what a great job she could do with the 11 PM show, Dana gets up and hustles her out of there, as Sally tries to backpedal by saying, "I guess there's only one Dana Whitaker, though." Not a day goes by I don't praise the Lord for that, I tell you.
“ Casey realizes he's done something wrong, but he's not sure what. They go walking off somewhere, I hope to a more interesting scene. ”
The poker players show their hands. Natalie says she has "trip sevens" and starts to collect the pot, somehow forgetting the rule of television poker games, which is that the second-last person to show their cards always has a pretty good hand and starts to collect the pot, but the last person to show cards (in this case, Jeremy) always has a better hand (in this case, a straight) and wins. Natalie says that of all her boyfriends (and she even calls it a "lengthy roster"), Jeremy is her least favourite. Jeremy, get tested now. "I'm just happy to be on the team," smirks Jeremy, which I thought was pretty funny.
In the newsroom, Dana is digging through papers and mumbling something about the rundown. She turns around and is eye-level with Sally's breasts. This is because Sally is approximately two feet taller than Dana. Sally says she doesn't want to get into a "little thing" with Dana. Neither does Dana. "I'm just saying the 2 AM is my show," says Sally, and evil as she is, I have to side with her on this one. Anyway, Dana points to a couple of segments that Casey won't want to do in a particular order. Sally sits on a desk, and she is still taller than Dana. Anyway, Dana tries to pretend her meddling is due solely to the years she's worked with Casey and doesn't have anything to do with jealousy. She says Casey will want to approve the rundown. Sally says he already did, and said it was fine (although he didn't really look at it, just said he had faith in the producer). "You've got a little thing for Casey, don't you?" says Sally. Dana denies it, but Sally says he's cute and probably has good contacts, so she's thinking of taking a run at him herself. Then she collects herself and starts going on about how her friendship with Dana is the most important thing. Her who in the what now? Sally gets up from the desk, and because Dana is currently leaning against the desk, Sally looks approximately twice her size. Dana sort of blows her off, but Sally doesn't really seem to notice and suggests having drinks. Not sure what happened there.
Back at the game, Frank Sinatra Jr. folds while Silvio goes ballistic on some poor kid sweeping up cheese. Tony Soprano looks on in amusement. Oh, wait, I wish. Jeremy wins another hand on another straight. Natalie says he's winning because he's in "the good chair" -- just when I thought it wasn't possible for her to get any more childish. Jeremy calls the boys of Sigma Kappa Pi a "big honkin' bunch of losers," which I have to say was pretty funny.
Dana comes back in and makes another short joke at Isaac's expense. Probably because she felt like Mini-Me in her last scene. She smacks Casey upside the head and asks to speak with him. They head out into Serious Discussion Hallway. "You approved Sally's rundown?" He says yes. She's upset with how he approved it without looking at it. "I never have to approve your rundowns," he says. "Thaaaat's right," she says. Casey realizes he's done something wrong, but he's not sure what. They go walking off somewhere, I hope to a more interesting scene.
“ Casey yells, 'Sally!' and runs off, tripping and breaking his nose. Well, not really, but I can dream, can't I? ”
Back at the game, the gang is discussing osteoporosis. "What are you going to do with your old suits?" asks Dan. Isaac, very calmly: "I was thinking about shoving them up your --" but Dan says, "No problem." Heh.
Jeremy gets up, saying he has to go to the bathroom. Will snags his seat. "It's the good chair!" he says. Screwed over yet again in plot and dialogue. Jeremy is all girly trying to get Dan to come with him, saying pointedly, "You want to come with me to the bathroom, Dan?" It takes Danny about half an hour with everybody staring at him to pick up the hint. Outside, Jeremy says, "I didn't really have to go to the bathroom, I just wanted to talk." "I don't think anyone saw through your clever ruse," says Dan, even though he was totally sucked in. Jeremy tells Dan he needs advice because he's in the doghouse with Natalie. They go into Dan's office. "Clearly I've broken some rule that no one ever taught me," he says. Poor Jeremy is all twisted up, thinking this is his fault. I'll give you some free advice: no one ever tells you the rules, you need to figure them out. And when you do figure them out, women think to themselves, "Well, this will never do," and come up with new rules. ["That's goddamn right. Er, I mean, 'What are you talking about, Daniel?'" -- Sars] But there's some nice dialogue as Dan outlines Jeremy's transgression: he played tennis with some friends instead of spending time with Natalie. "And one of those friends happened to be a beautiful actress," says Dan. "Yes," says Jeremy. Dan cocks his head. "Dude," he says, quietly. Jeremy says, "I know." Heh. Is there any word more versatile than "dude"? It's a greeting; a scolding; an expression of admiration, surprise, disgust, or delight. Danny cracks open a couple of beers from his office fridge and says Jeremy was "wise" to come to him with this problem. Yeah, go to the perpetually single guy for advice on women. Dan proceeds to spout some nonsense about how "a man's past is more important to them than his future." Which Jeremy doesn't really understand and neither, really, does Dan. Jeremy realizes Dan is full of it (not exactly a shocker) and decides he has to stand firm, which is difficult when she puts on one of his shirts. Guys around the world nod understandingly as Jeremy talks about Natalie wearing one his white dress shirts. Jeremy reiterates that it's important to stand firm, and skedaddles.
In the control room, Casey is getting a lecture from Dana, who is droning on and on about how well she knows him and what he likes and it's discouraging to find out he's been taking it for granted. He denies that, and then fishes for a way out by suggesting that, because Dana is so good at her job and Sally is not...well, he never really gets to finish his explanation, but he does use the word "dichotomy." When she cuts him off, he says that Dana's jealousy of Sally doesn't have as much to do with Sally's professional acumen as Dana would have him believe. Dana scoffs as Casey starts extolling the physical wonders of Sally and says, "It's hard not to notice that the woman's body was put together by a technician very close to God." Dana can't believe Casey thinks she's jealous of Sally's body. Casey says it's that, and also that "she's going to be whispering in my ear for thirty minutes." So Dana informs him of all the things that Casey won't like in the rundown, like three straight highlights without a break for a feature, she's using cameras two and three as Casey's primaries, Dan's doing soccer, and two of Casey's intros contain puns. Okay, that last one is just sick. Casey looks stricken. "Puns?" he groans. Oh ho! The tables are turned! Casey is now begging Dana to help him, but she's prepared to let him twist, and takes off. Casey yells, "Sally!" and runs off, tripping and breaking his nose. Well, not really, but I can dream, can't I?
“ Then she pulls out the heavy artillery, suggesting that she could wear one of his dress shirts. He crumbles, and they scoot off. Fuck this. ”
Back to the poker game. This hand is down to Isaac, Jeremy, and Natalie. Dan asks Dana if she gave Casey a talking-to. She says she did. Natalie breaks her concentration to defend Casey, but Dana says "bonding!" so Natalie dumps all over Casey. You go, girlfriend. Then Dana asks Jeremy a question for the sole purpose of telling him to shut up as soon as he starts to answer. Anyway, Jeremy bets $50. Isaac folds. It's down to just Jeremy and Natalie in one of the most unexpected plot twists this episode has yet taken. Well, except for the "unexpected" and "twist" parts. Natalie raises the bet $50, and suddenly my dollar-a-hole golf games and $2 Sport Select bets don't seem like such the vices anymore. Jeremy warns Natalie that she already owes him a lot of money. "You're basically going to be living the rest of your life on a charitable grant from the Jeremy Goodwin Foundation." Danny gets out his chequebook, thinking this might be a good way to help make a difference. Jeremy tells her to take the $50 back and fold, because she's going to lose again. He's dead serious; he says he has a straight and she's got three sevens, which shouldn't surprise anyone since those are the only hands either of them have gotten. She thinks he's bluffing. "How do you know I don't have a big house?" she says. "Full house," corrects Jeremy dryly. Natalie seems a little baffled, probably because she hasn't had to remove an article of clothing after every hand, unlike her good times with the frat boys. "I want you to trust me right now," says Jeremy. Ugh, here comes the diatribe. He lays bare the multiple (two) levels of meaning in this poker hand as everybody watches. And we find out that Natalie has no reason to ever be jealous of any woman ever, and she can trust him despite the hurt she maybe carries from asshole boyfriends in the past, and -- well, you get the idea. But he's putting this hand to her as a test, that she needs to trust him when he says she has three sevens and he has a straight. Silence as everybody watches this drama play out. Then Natalie says, "You're bluffing so hard it's coming out your ears." Jeremy sighs and tosses in the $50. Natalie: three sevens. Jeremy: a straight. As he rakes in the chips, she tries for the sweetness. "I don't deserve you," she says. "No, you really don't," he says. He looks pissed, as well he should. She grovels, and he tries to stand firm as she suggests that she can go back to his place and accelerate the healing process. He says no, he doesn't think she should be rewarded for her behaviour. Oh, sex with Jeremy constitutes a "reward" for her, does it? Someone thinks highly of himself. Then she pulls out the heavy artillery, suggesting that she could wear one of his dress shirts. He crumbles, and they scoot off. Fuck this.
Casey comes back in. He begs Dana to fix the show, which she finally agrees to do. Fuck this, too. Then, just when things can't get any worse, Dana says "shoe money tonight!" again. And I had to buy a new television, because the old one lies smashed on the street below my apartment.