By Daniel
Dressing room. Dan's getting his hair brushed while Casey jabbers away on a to-be-revealed-eventually topic. "There's the formality," he says. Dan says "yes" as the hair-brusher tells him to please stop moving. Dan sits ramrod straight as Casey says, "Strange formality." "Why are you worried about it?" asks Dan. "'Cause I'm his father," says Casey. "You know what he's started doing? He's started shaking hands with me. He's nine. You'll see it when he comes by tomorrow, he'll be like, 'Hi, Dad.'" Casey holds his hand out for anybody who doesn't know what he meant by "shaking hands." "Leave him alone" is Dan's advice, as he starts playing with his severely sculpted hair. We hear Natalie give the "five minutes to air" signal and summon the first team to the studio.
Casey gets up and circles around Dan, settling his butt on the hairdresser's counter. "On the other hand, he's starting to play baseball well," he says. "Yeah," says Dan, still fussing with his hair. "Did I mention yesterday's game?" asks Casey. "Yes, you did," says Dan, as the hairdresser returns. "In fact, I believe I know the stats." Despite Dan saying he's familiar with the story, Casey gives Dan the box score: "Three for three with two RBIs, two walks, and a stolen base." "Yes," says Dan, with apparently not enough enthusiasm for Casey, who says, "What, you don't think that's impressive?" like, RELAX, Casey, we're sure your kid's the A-Rod. Dan calls it very impressive, and Casey says, "You bet your butt that's impressive," and Dan has to agree again. "Started off slow, but turns out he's got some game." "He does!" says Dan brightly. He's then dismissed from the hair chair, and he and Casey head off into the Walk and Talk.
"My boy can play ball!" brags Casey. Dan, bored, says, "I'd consider taking him out of school." "See, you joke about this," says Casey. Dan says he's not kidding: "There's nothing he can learn in fourth grade that he can't pick up in a good minor-league farm system." Casey then repeats Charlie's stats again. Is everyone paying attention? Do you think this will be important? Do you think you want to jot this down? On second thought, don't sweat it; I'm sure it's going to be repeated many, many times in this episode. Dan continues to pile on the sarcasm: "And you should be his agent, 'cause that usually works out well too." "I'm just sayin'," says Casey. This is what passes for a transition on this show, as we all know, and Dan senses it's time to talk about his problems. Suddenly he becomes indignant and asks Casey if "she" shouldn't have come crawling back to him by now. "Rebecca?" asks Casey. Casey actually asks this. Casey apparently isn't quite sure who Dan might be talking about here. Perhaps Dan is talking about Dana. Or Kim? Or maybe...Elliot? Having confirmed that Dan is indeed talking about Rebecca, and having already bitched about his problems and boasted about his son, Casey determines that he has no more need for empathy and makes a snide comment on how he'd have thought Rebecca would come crawling back to Dan, but instead went crawling back to her husband. Then again, maybe Casey's just trying to get Danny over it, which is something good friends do, and Dan does need to get over this. Natalie pops up, not unlike something out of a Whack-a-Mole game, to tell them that "30's long." Casey tells her to check her shot sheet because Dan fixed it; except that whenever a character on this show says "shot sheet," I hear "Chachi."
Natalie takes the scene handoff and strides into the control room, yelling that Dan fixed 30. Then she asks Will to show her Riverfront Stadium. When he tells her Riverfront's up, she informs him that that isn't Riverfront. And everyone piles on poor Will, as Kim and Elliot say, "That's Three Rivers," and "Riverfront's in Cincinnati," and Will kind of gets his back up, saying he knows where Riverfront is. Even Chris jumps in, telling Will that Three Rivers is in Pittsburgh and reminding him that Pittsburgh is in Pennsylvania. Will gets up to fix a monitor or something, but not before he hisses a sarcastic "thank you" at Chris, and I'm guessing Chris is sleeping on the couch tonight.
Dana comes in, babbling about how great her new camera is, and I was momentarily stunned that Sorkin actually carried over a Dana quirk from one episode to the . Anyway, Dana announces that she's taking the "maiden photograph" tomorrow, and she wants everybody to bring nice clothes. Elliot, a little more confused than he ought to be, asks if she's planning to take a picture of their clothes. Kim dryly says she thinks Dana wants them to wear the clothes, but I for one would like to caution Kim against jumping to any hasty conclusions. Dana spoils my fun by telling Elliot that that's exactly what she means, and tells them to spread the word.
Kim gives the boys some show-related info, then lets them know about Dana's inaugural pictures. Dan says he didn't know that Dana took pictures, and Casey brings him up to speed on Dana's sudden interest in photography. Dan asks if this is part of her psychotic episode. Casey says it is. "Well, then, sign me up!" says Dan. Allison finishes touching up the two of them and tells them to have a good show. Casey chases her backstage and asks if he told her about Charlie's performance in the ball game. Allison says "no" and "that's great" and she's clearly humouring him. Casey says, "I wasn't there to see it, but that's a different thing, and I'm not going to get morose right now." That's good, Casey. You wouldn't want your absence from your son's life bum you out or anything. He babbles a little bit, with Allison providing monosyllabic answers until Casey says he can see she's feeling "chatty" at the moment. Jeremy walks between them, whining about "three batters" and "seven pitches." He whines his way into the control room, where Dana asks him what he's got. Jeremy says he's got nothing, because "the bottom of the order went down in seven pitches," so I guess Byung-Hyun Kim wasn't on the mound. "Whatever happened to the ninth-inning rally, huh?" asks Jeremy as he takes his seat. And, as I continue to suck up to Sars in my final recap, I would like to say that after this year's World Series, I believe the New York Yankees own the copyright to the term "ninth-inning rally." ["Close. It's 'futile ninth-inning rally' they own the copyright to. Good try, though." -- Sars] Dana agrees with Jeremy, and also asks why nobody uses the semi-colon anymore, and I'm wondering why Dana even bothers speaking sometimes. "This show could use a ninth-inning rally," says Jeremy. Dana: "I think, under the circumstances, the show's doing just fine." Jeremy agrees with her, so Natalie asks why he said that the show need a ninth-inning rally, then. Jeremy explains that he wasn't speaking metaphorically; he thinks the show they're about to do could use an actual ninth-inning rally. Dana and Natalie strangely continue to misunderstand him. "I'm going to start again, because that's how completely you've both missed the point," says Jeremy, but then he just goes back to work while Dana and Natalie look confused.
Elliot swings by the desk, giving the sixty-second warning. Dan asks Elliot if he doesn't think Rebecca should have come crawling back by now. Elliot brushes him off with an "if you love something, you've got to see it free," which Dan agrees is good advice. Then Casey asks Dan to make a big deal about the baseball thing when Charlie comes by tomorrow, so I guess this kid actually exists. Dan says he will. "And try not to traumatize the new nanny," says Casey. Dan asks why he'd do that. "I don't know," says Casey, "but you always do." Sure, Dan's nanny-traumatizing is a long-running joke on this show. Dan says he likes nannies and would like to get one for himself. "'Course, she'd probably wind up going back to her ex-husband," he says, like, let it go, Dan. Besides, she wasn't divorced. Casey asks Dan again to make a big deal about the baseball game. They go live. Dan makes a lame joke about "what a long, strange trip it's been for the grateful Reds at Riverfront" and Casey adds to the hilarity by talking about Geraldo Garcia and adding a "keep on truckin'" reference. Commercials.
The day, Jeremy and Natalie are walking through the halls, and Jeremy is still trying to explain what he meant by his ninth-inning rally remark. I know I make a lot of cracks, but I refuse to believe that Natalie is this dense. Jeremy suggests that she forget for a moment they work on a sports show; she should pretend they're just sports fans working at a haberdashery. Christ! Not another haberdashery analogy! But Natalie does seem to grasp that Jeremy just meant that a ninth-inning rally would be a fun thing to see. And then, as much time as Jeremy took to explain what he meant, Natalie now takes twice as much time to explain that she was confused, but that Jeremy's "haberdashery parable" cleared it all up for her.
As they enter the newsroom, Dana squeals, "Picture time!" and Jeremy says, more or less under his breath, "Speaking of confused..." The gang gathers round as Jeremy asks Dan if she actually knows how to use all the equipment -- and she's got all the gear: light meter, that umbrella flash-reflector thingy, the whole bit. Dana says she's read the owner's manual cover to cover. Jeremy points out that he's read Dr. Zhivago but that doesn't make him the czar, and one way to appear too smart for television is to drop references like Dr. Zhivago into characters' witty retorts instead of just having them say, "Oh no you di-i-n't!" Dana, who is not being nearly as annoying as she normally is in her manic moments, says that back in Cedar Rapids they had a name for people like Jeremy: sourpuss. Jeremy: "We have a name for people like you too back home in Boston, it's called ow ow ow ow pain pain pain," and I suspect that isn't the actual name, but rather the result of Natalie grabbing his ear and pulling. Dan strolls up, wondering what the hell is going on, and Dana excitedly shows him her equipment. He asks her how much she spent. She admits that it's a little extravagant, but it's good to have a hobby. Dan name-drops Annie Liebowitz while Dana says she wanted to treat herself. Dan suggests Vegas, but Dana says she doesn't like Vegas, and Dan derides her for that. Then, as Dana hustles him into the shot, Dan busts on Dave, Chris, and Will, pointing out that they're professionals and asking if they couldn't talk her out of this, and I'm not sure exactly what he means by suggesting that tech guys on a sports show should have been able to talk a woman out of spending money, but whatever. ["Because you know how we women are -- spend spend spend! Totally outside the bounds of reason!" -- Sars] Dave just shrugs and says they're just happy to be in the picture, which I suspect also has something to do with their lack of any meaningful inclusion in plots recently.
Dana asks where Casey is, and Dan says he's at Madison Square Garden, interviewing Michelle Kwan. "That was supposed to be you," says Dana, but Danny says Kwan doesn't like him. Natalie tries to reassure him that Kwan does indeed like him, but Dan spouts some nonsense about Kwan dissing him "at the ESPYs," as if anyone from Sports Night would be allowed to go to that, and I'm thinking, "Okay, we know, this is a hip show about a sports network in New York, can we move it along?" Dan babbles on about this supposed "dis" and says Kwan "frosted" him, "not unlike Rebecca." Dana whines that they can't do the picture without Casey. Dan makes a break for it, explaining that he needs to go someplace and weep, like, welcome to my world, Dan. Dana changes her mind, saying they'll take a practice picture and work out the kinks so Casey can't make any jokes. Natalie says he wouldn't do that, and I'd like some of whatever she's smoking. Dana hustles them all back into the group shot; Dan gets annoyed, and Dana starts babbling about her camera again, which I think might actually be a "Soshi Sun Tech" and not a "Soshi Sentak" like my recap for the episode says, except I'm not certain why I'm suddenly concerned. Dana explains that they're going to hear three beeps (and she goes "beep! beep! beep!" to demonstrate) followed by a 1.5-second pause, then a flash from the strobe onto the parabolic reflector (the umbrella thingy). "Ready?" Jeremy says, "Could you tell us again what the beeps are going to sound like?" as everybody starts giggling, me included. Dana tells everybody to hold still. She pushes the shutter, then hustles into the shot. Three beeps, then...nothing. They wait. Dan, through his teeth, tells everyone not to be impatient, because a second and a half is longer than you think. Everybody laughs, through clenched teeth.
Finally, Dana approaches the camera, which finally clicks as she's standing right in front of it. She says it's just a timing problem that she can fix. Natalie points out that the flash didn't go off either. "That's right!" she says, taking a step toward the strobe, which naturally goes off right then. Everybody giggles, and Dan says Dana's right, since he doesn't see where Casey could have gotten any material here, even though Dana said the practice picture was for working out such kinks, so shut up, Dan. She tells them she'll iron out the wrinkles and try again later. Elliot tells her Gordon's on her line, so she leaves to take the call.
Finally, they arrive in Isaac's office. Dana closes the door behind them. "So, what were we talking about?" says Dana. "Dana..." says Gordon. Dana, who has not smiled at all in the past few minutes, says "that was a joke" a couple of times. Gordon says he knows, and Dana says she's a lot funnier than he's given her credit for in the past. He starts explaining, but she continues: "I'm just saying if you're calling off the engagement because you don't think I'm funny enough..." "Dana!" he says, suddenly short with her. "You're angry right now?" says Dana, incredulously. She lays into him: "You spend six months making me feel guilty for liking my job, then propose to me, then two days later you tell me you slept with the woman who wants my job. I say, 'Fine.' I say, 'Fine.' Then, six days after that, you tell me you want to break off the engagement. Here's the thing: I think only one of us should be angry at a time, and I have a hunch it's gonna be me." Gordon says he thinks she's hung up on Casey. Dana says she's not. "You are and you don't cover it well," he says. "This is a cheap excuse to get out of marrying me, which you never wanted to do in the third place, and the only reason you proposed in the second place was out of guilt for having slept with Sally in the first place." Wow. I mean, she's right, but I have to say I doubt anyone being dumped has ever been this eloquent, so I'll give Sorkin the benefit of the doubt and assume she's been turning this over in her mind for a while. Gordon levels the boom. "You say, 'fine'? I sleep with Sally, you say, 'fine'? Casey sleeps with Sally, you have a level-three nervous breakdown." Dana is astonished that he's calling off the engagement because she wasn't mad enough when she found out he was cheating on her. She suggest starting over, and this time she'll just "beat the living crap" out of him. He starts stomping away, and Dana says "don't go" a couple of times, before thinking about it and then saying, "Oh, what the hell, go." To show what a big man he is, Gordon opens the door really hard. Then he turns around and for some unfathomable reason says, "Maybe we could talk more about this later," prompting a giggle from Dana, who responds sarcastically that they should talk about it as much as humanly possible. She gives him his ring back. Then she says, "I was a lot funnier than you ever gave me credit for being." He blinks at her a couple of times, then leaves, Dana remaining behind to showcase the contemplative look she's perfected these past few weeks.
In the meeting room, Charlie and Holly sit, Charlie working on homework, Holly doing something with some kind of electronic organizer, which is something all high-powered nannies need. "How's it going over there?" she asks Charlie, who says he's finished nine of twenty, so Holly says he's almost halfway done, like, can we turn off Sesame Street and get back to Sports Night? Charlie, who's going to have an ulcer by the time he's twelve, says, "Maybe it'd be okay if we leave a note for my dad." Holly squints at him and says they don't have to leave a note, because they'll see him in a moment.
But first, Dan comes in, and Charlie is excited to see him, so I guess Dan doesn't beat Charlie like Casey apparently does. Dan playfully scolds Charlie for not stopping by to see him. "I was in here!" says Charlie. Dan says he can see that, but points out that his office is a six-and-a-half-second walk from here. Charlie says "sorry" and Dan grouches that "sorry don't make the buttercups shine," whatever that means. ["My grandmother used to say that. I don't know what it meant either." -- Sars] Then Dan asks who Charlie's friend is. Holly introduces herself as the new nanny. "Deborah had to..." she begins, and Dan nods and says, "I lived through the trauma," and Holly says "yeah," like, either somebody explain what the hell happened with the nanny or cut out this nonsense. Dan tells Holly he needs to speak to "Charles" for a moment, so she can take five. She says "yeah" and gives Dan the flirty smile, so we know Dan is in there, if you catch what the D-Train's getting at.
Holly leaves, and Dan sits down. "Three for three with two RBIs, two walks and a stolen base," he says. "Yeah!" says Charlie, brightening. "What's a stolen base?" asks Dan. Charlie says nothing. Dan holds up the videocassette he brought into the room with him, and says he's going to play it. "It's the show your father and I did the night before last." Dan pops up on the screen, saying that Ken Griffey Jr. broke out of his slump at the Kingdome, going three for three with two RBIs, two walks, and a stolen base. Dan glances over at Charlie, who realizes he's busted. Dan stops the tape and asks what's going on. Charlie plays dumb. Dan says there's nothing wrong with padding your stats for pizza after the game, but he's concerned that Charlie feels the need to lie to his dad. Finally, Charlie says, "I can't play very well." "Most people can't play very well," says Dan. "I can't play at all," Charlie says. "Charlie, listen," says Dan, but he's interrupted by Casey coming in and saying, "Hey, big man!" Charlie says, "Hey, Dad," and holds out his hand. Casey pauses and looks at Dan, then says, "Charlie, are you selling me an insurance policy?" Then he takes Charlie's hand and kisses him on top of his head. Dan asks Casey if he can talk to him about Cleveland for a second. Casey protests that he just got there, but Dan says it'll just take a second. They head outside, while Charlie looks like he knows Dan's about to rat him out.
In the hall, Dan asks Casey how the interview went, and Casey says it went fine. Pleasantries exchanged, Dan then says he thinks he knows why Charlie's been acting strange. "It's because you're a jackass," says Dan. Casey, naturally, is a little perplexed by this, so Dan explains that Charlie's not the baseball superstar he's been pretending to be, and points out that Casey's seen him play and knows he can't very well, so it was silly to think he suddenly could. "He lied to me?" says Casey, getting angry. "Yeah, you know what else? It's actually the first time in history a son has lied to his father, so I would definitely go off the deep end," says Dan. Casey starts stomping back into the conference room, but Dan stops him. "What?" says Casey. "He's such a good little guy," says Dan. Casey thinks about this a moment, then goes in.
"Dad, I shouldn't be late for meeting Mom," says The Most Nervous Little Kid Ever. Casey: "Your mom can deal with it, and if she can't, she can learn how. Come with me, please." He leads Charlie out of the conference room and into his office, closing the door behind them. He sits on his desk facing Charlie. "You know I don't like lying. There's no need for it, Charlie. Did you really think I was going to be mad at you because you didn't play well in a baseball game?" "I'm sorry," says Charlie. "I gotta find this out from Dan?" says Casey, who adds that he thinks Charlie's old enough to do a little better than "I'm sorry." Charlie: "But I can't play. And I lied because I didn't want to embarrass you." Casey looks a little stunned at this, as the poignant music swells and Charlie offers another "sorry." Casey quietly says, "Come here." He takes Charlie by the arms and says, "That was really hard for you to say, wasn't it." Charlie nods. "You were scared during that." Charlie says "yeah." "Well, it didn't show; you were really calm and honest. But I know you were scared anyway because I'm your father." Charlie starts to smile a bit. Casey stands up and stares out the window. "You were worried you might embarrass me. Man. Should be no doubt in anyone's mind that you're my son." He turns back to Charlie. "And you can't even blame me 'cause Grandpa started it and I have a hunch his dad was no picnic either." Getting all crouchy in front of Charlie, Casey says he's "nipping it in the bud," and tells his son to pay close attention. "In your lifetime, you will never embarrass me. It's not gonna happen." Aw, dammit. I'm going to mist up here, aren't I? Casey continues, as my eyes start to twitch, "You play baseball if you want to play baseball, but the only thing you have to do to make your mom and me happy is come home at the end of the day. In your lifetime, you'll never embarrass me. You know why?" Charlie shakes his head. "'Cause I'm your father," says Casey. "Who'd you think I was?" He smiles, and Charlie smiles too, and I had to go call my own dad. Anyway, then the nanny is all rudely interrupting this Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints moment by barging into the office without knocking, and since I am all mellow right now, I guess I won't mention anything about how the cute blonde nanny unexpectedly coming into my office scenario ranks behind only French maids, cute nurses, and my Grade Eight homeroom teacher in terms of mental diversions during mid-afternoon department meetings. The nanny says something about how it's really pouring outside and she needs to get out of her wet clothes, or maybe it was something about her and Charlie having to go. So Casey finally gets a hug from his son as The Lite Electric Guitar Of Heartwarmingness swells.
Cut to Natalie and Jeremy, who are striding around and still talking about comebacks, and I'm wondering if maybe Dana might check in on these two and see if they ever do any actual work, because I don't think that endlessly trading clever quips for the purposes of hammering home this episode's ersatz sports content as a parallel to the characters' lives is actually part of their job descriptions. Neither, I imagine, is preventing other people from doing work, as they do here, entering the control room. Jeremy starts holding forth: "A writer once wrote, 'As if it matters how a man falls down. When the fall is all that's left, it matters very much.' What did he mean by that? He meant: Do not abandon blowouts. Watching proud and accomplished athletes battle in the face of odds that are virtually hopeless is one of the more stirring sights in all of sports. The Phillies have been down 14 to 1 since the third inning, and I think it's the best game we've got. That is all." I think Jeremy might be drunk or something, because in professional sports, blowouts mean that the proud and accomplished athletes take a seat while the coaches put the rookies in, which is what happened long ago in this Phillies game Jeremy is ranting about. Nobody says anything until Dana comes in and says, "Picture time!" and tells Natalie to round everybody up, and by "everybody" she of course means only the upper class of the show, and you could argue that it's somewhat rude to be rounding up "everyone" for a picture when some people are excluded, like, for example, that woman who sometimes sits to Dave in the control room, like, here she is today right in front of Dana, who is basically treating her like she's non-existent. Jeremy, who got to be a pretty cocky member of the in crowd rather quickly this season, snidely suggests drawing a picture first. He starts to explain why this would be a good idea, but breaks it off when Natalie grabs his ear, and Jeremy does his "ow! ow!" routine again.
Dan and Casey's office. Casey's typing, then stops and gets up just as Dana comes in to tell him "picture time," and she runs her hand through her hair, and of course Casey instantly spots that she's not wearing her engagement ring, and I don't care how much he loves her, I don't buy him noticing her ringless finger like that, but anyway, he asks her about it, and she tells him it's at the ring cleaners, which befuddles him because he didn't know they had special cleaners for that, like here's Casey's Ivy League education totally failing him as Dana fools him with this "ring cleaners" nonsense. She tries to change the subject by saying, "Charlie looked good," which is the kind of thing you might say about a friend who has lost some weight or something, but sounds kind of weird when you say it about a nine-year-old kid. Not that Casey's all that keen to talk about Charlie anymore, because he changes the subject right back to the ring cleaning, asking how the cleaners can afford the kind of insurance premiums necessary, and he isn't asking in a suspicious way, but in a genuinely perplexed way, like he really wants to understand the logistics of the ring-cleaning business. Luckily, Dana just cuts him off and tells him not to worry about it, because it's "picture time," and she scurries back off into the newsroom saying "picture time" about fifty more times, which would be once for every person in the newsroom excluded from the picture, even as they have to carry on working despite all the camera equipment everywhere and the main Sports Night crew milling about and just generally getting in the way.
Danny tells Dana he can't remember whether the three beeps come before or after the strobe blows up. But not even Dan's sarcasm can spoil Dana's good mood, as she presses the shutter. She keeps squealing as she runs to get into the shot. Three beeps, then...nothing. Everybody holds their smiles for a moment until Dana starts muttering, and then she gets up, and the back of the camera pops open and the film spills out and the camera is making these rewind noises, and I think Dana bought some faulty equipment. "At least the strobe didn't explode," says Natalie, which I don't think is very helpful, and then the strobe does go off a few times and then starts smoking also, and Dana is on the verge of losing it, and then Dan asks, "Hey, where's your ring?" Why Dan and Casey are so obsessed with Dana's engagement ring, that she's worn for all of one day, is completely beyond me, and if anyone would notice that Dana isn't wearing her ring, I'd think it would be Natalie. Casey tells Dan that "it's at the cleaners," prompting Dana to go off on Casey, telling him there's no such thing as a ring cleaners, and she calls him an idiot and reveals that she and Gordon broke up and it's just the most recent in a series of recent humiliations. She spazzes on, saying that she can handle the break-up but the camera malfunctioning is just "the living end," and she's near tears. "I have seen enough to know that I have seen enough! And now I want something good to happen. I want something good to happen before the day is over, and I'll be judge of what's good! One good thing before the day is over, I swear that's all I want!" Casey's trying to calm her down, but she stops only when a voice says, "Hey, lady!" She turns, and behind her is Isaac.
"Are you thinking about getting my show on the air any time soon?" Oh, man. "Isaac!" says Dana, her anger instantly dissolving. She hugs him, and everyone applauds and no matter how many times I see this, it always breaks me up, even if I happen to be sober. It's like Mickey dying in Rocky III, or Kevin Costner playing catch with his dad in Field of Dreams. It's that good. Natalie asks when he got out of the hospital, and Isaac says, "This morning." Kim yells at the top of her lungs, "Would you like to watch the show in your office?" like, he had a stroke, Kim, he didn't blow out his eardrums. "Why is she shouting at me?" asks Isaac, to the general amusement of everyone. Now Dana wants to include Isaac in the picture, and she just needs a minute, and Elliot tells her there's five minutes to air. Meanwhile, Jeremy is pointing to a monitor and saying that the last batter is up, and he asks for sound on the television.
Dan and Casey stroll over to Isaac. "You know, Isaac, Casey and I were talking before and, well, we think you're a bit of a cheese Danish," says Dan. "Hey!" protests Isaac. "A strawberry parfait, Isaac," says Casey. "I had a stroke!" says Isaac. "Out six weeks on the DL with a stroke? I've seen gored matadors get up off the floor faster than you," says Casey. "You're a bit of a crumb cake, aren't you, pal," says Dan. "Let me look at you both," says Isaac, grinning. "You look good, boys." Dan says, "So do you, sir," and he hugs Isaac, and if somebody could do something crass, vulgar, or otherwise non-tear-inducing right now, I'd really appreciate it.
Natalie tells Dana there's three minutes to air, and Dana says she's almost ready. Casey strolls over and asks, smiling, what the problem is. Dana goes off on how it's very technical equipment and it's difficult to explain to someone without at least an intermediate background in photography. "But by and large it's that I put the film in backwards," says Dana, which is nonsense since cameras are designed in such a way that Dana could not have loaded the film in backwards unless she really stuffed it in there and forced the back closed, but anyway, Casey laughs, and Dana says "what?" and Casey says, "Nothing, I just think you're funny," and Dana says, "What do you mean, 'I'm funny,'" and Casey says, "It's funny, you know, your story, it's funny, you're a funny woman," and Dana says, "What do you mean, the way I talk? What?" and Casey says, "It's just, you know, you're just funny, it's...the way you tell the story and everything," and Dana, the smile fading from her face, says, "'Funny' how? I mean, what's so funny about it?" and Dan pipes up with, "Hey, Dana, you got it all wrong," but Dana shuts him up with, "Hey, Danny, he's a big boy, he knows what he said. What'd you say? Funny how?" and Casey has started to sweat by this point and says, "Just...you know, you're funny," and Dana says, "Let me understand this, I mean, maybe it's me, I'm a little fucked up maybe, but I'm funny how, I mean funny like I'm a clown? I amuse you? I make you laugh, I'm here to fuckin' amuse you? What do you mean 'funny'?" and everyone is watching them by this point, and Casey is really confused, and he starts stammering and repeating himself, "Just...you know, how you tell the story. What?" and Dana says, "No, no, I don't know, you said it. How do I know? You said I'm funny. How the fuck am I funny, what the fuck is so funny about me? Tell me. Tell me what's funny," and Casey stares at her, blinking, and finally says, "Get the fuck out of here, Dana," and Dana starts laughing and everyone breaks up laughing as the tension dissipates and of course none of that happened. What happens is Casey says Dana is funny, she beams, Casey realizes he hit the jackpot by saying she's funny and starts smiling, and they probably would have started doing it right there were it not so close to showtime.
Everyone hustles into place as Dan makes yet another sarcastic comment. Dana presses the shutter as the Phillies game audio gets very loud. We hear the camera's three beeps as the pitcher throws and the unmistakable crack of the bat. Jeremy says "hey!" and points to the monitor and the camera clicks, freezing the frame as everybody turns their heads to the ball game. We're taken out to an audio collage of Dan and Casey: "Good evening -- Good evening, from New York City, I'm Dan Rydell alongside Casey McCall -- Good evening, from New York City, I'm Casey McCall alongside Dan Rydell -- Those stories -- Those stories -- Those stories and more, plus we'll take you live to the locker room at Arrowhead -- Tulane -- Talladega -- Play of the Year -- Battlecreek Invitational -- We'll take you out to Pauley Pavilion -- That was the voice of Desmond Corey -- Jayson Grissom -- Marcus Ryan -- Leonard Mouger of Newton, Massachusetts -- Kim Gailey can't stop breaking records -- Ntozake Nelson's got something to say about a world record -- Thank you, Kelly Kirkpatrick in Green Bay -- All that coming up after this. You're watching Sports Night on CSC, so stick around."
We're out.