By Daniel
Previously on Sports Night: Dan recognizes Rebecca as Steve Sisko's wife, Dan's avoiding Rebecca because she's taking counselling with Steve, there was a bomb hoax in the building because a radio host did an impression of a gay Jesus, Isaac's in the hospital with a stroke, Casey's pissed at Dana because she dumped their show off a while back for Gordon, and Casey being pissed in turn pisses off Dana, and after all the clips we only have about five minutes left for actual new show.
Man. Fade up on the former Manhattan skyline, in all her glory. What you need to know is that even before the twin towers were destroyed, Casey's whining here about last week's bomb threat was fairly annoying. Worse yet, it's worked into one of those repetitive dialogue things with Dan here that is so bad it actually seems like a parody of Aaron Sorkin rather than actual Aaron Sorkin. I mean, we establish that it's been a week since the bomb threat, and that gets repeated about fifty times before the opening credits have finished rolling.
In the control room, as the gang gets ready for the show, Dana reveals that she is forgetting things and losing things, but she isn't forgetting or losing anything "specific," whatever that's supposed to mean. Dana says she might have to consider the possibility that she's going "stark-raving mad." Jeremy, who at one point I thought was a smart man, says, "Sure don't have to sell me!"
At the desk, Casey is still harping on the bomb threat, wondering why religious leaders haven't stepped in to condemn the actions of a man who threatens to blow up a building ostensibly in the name of God. Dan clearly isn't interested in this conversation, because apparently they have had it a few times already, and where has Casey been that he hasn't noticed (even pre-September 11) that people are capable of just about anything if they believe it's God's will? Like, get a grip, Casey -- do you honestly think that a condemnation from a priest or a minister is going to make a nutjob like that shake his head and say, "Oh, you mean killing people with bombs isn't okay?" Anyway, for the sake of shutting Casey up, Danny agrees with him.
So I'm writing this recap at the same time as I'm watching Cal Ripken's final game, and Josh Charles is being interviewed at the game right now. Apparently he's a Baltimore fan, and he's doing a good job of articulating how he feels about his baseball hero, and Cal Ripken was also the baseball hero of a young shortstop named Daniel a long time ago, and Charles is going on about how nice it's always been that no matter what happens, one constant has been Ripken at shortstop (or third, I guess). Okay, now Charles has been babbling on for about ten minutes and this moron sportscaster has just asked Charles if he has anything to plug, like, SHUT UP, MORON SPORTSCASTER, I mean, his first on-field interview after the opening ceremony was with Cal Ripken's agent, like, who better to comment on such a magical night of baseball than an agent. And at the risk of getting more "we love Josh Charles" hate mail, Charles should have told the interviewer to stuff it and get back to Cal, instead of telling us all about his new movie, which he just finished shooting in Toronto in July. It's called Our America, and it will be on Showtime eventually.
Oh, fuck, now Faith Hill is going to sing the national anthem. Wait, this isn't the national anthem. It's just a shitty Faith Hill song. Is this her Pearl Harbor song? This song sucks, even for Faith Hill. Someone please shut her up now. This is the part where I hit "mute" and just watch the clips of one of my boyhood idols.
Ah, that's better.
Except then, thinking she's done, I un-press "mute" and she's still singing and my ears broke. Was she even at the game? They didn't even show any shots of her. I mean, I hate her music but I don't mind looking at her.
Now the Orioles' lineup from Cal's first game is on the field, so it's safe to turn the volume back up. And here comes a group to sing the anthem. Did I hear that right? Is the name of this group really Three Mo Tenors? That's hilarious!
Anyway, where were we? Oh, yeah. Dan agrees with Casey's theory that religious leaders should step in and tell bombers not to blow up buildings. Law-enforcement officials the world over smack their foreheads and wish they'd thought of that. "I, however, have decided to move on," says Dan, pissing off Casey. "So you're not with me," he says.
In the control room, Dana is telling Natalie that there are three things she's doing: she's losing things, she's forgetting things, and then she forgets the third thing. I don't know why Dana's so stressed. She should know by now that these occasional personality quirks of hers only ever last thirty minutes, tops, and then are never seen again.
I, however, will be getting my blood pressure checked, since Natalie uses this time to get on the intercom and remind everyone that she's still Jeremy's girlfriend, and she apparently does this every night at this time. I really wish Natalie's stupid plots were as fleeting as Dana's stupid ones, because I had my fill of this one about three seconds into "Ordnance Tactics." Jeremy gripes about this and reminds Natalie that he broke up with her, but she continues to refuse to acknowledge it.
Speaking of plots that annoy me, back at the desk, Casey is still crabbing about how Dan used to be with him but has since "moved on." They go live, with their usual poetic teases at the top of the show. Commercials.
When we come back, Jeremy's on the phone, practically shouting, "You're breaking up!" and eventually loses the connection completely, and then there's a throwaway gag about how Jeremy keeps talking even after there's no longer anyone there. Thankfully, we're saved from more "Jeremy talks to himself" hilarity filler crap by Dana coming into the editing room, apparently looking for something. She's too preoccupied to pay much attention to Jeremy. Like, Jeremy tells her he was just talking to a guy in Trinidad, and Dana asks when Jeremy was in Trinidad. Stuff like that. Jeremy explains that the guy was in Trinidad, telling Jeremy about a cricket match in New Delhi. Uh oh. My Contrivance Alarm is going off.
Jeremy follows Dana as she scours every single Sports Night set, all the while trying to tell Dana about some big cricket match that he doesn't really understand. Dana, who we eventually find out is looking for her shoes, is of the opinion that if there was such a big sports story going on, they'd know about it. Jeremy insists that they do; he just doesn't understand exactly what it is. Okay, Jeremy, some advice. If you have to talk to a guy in Trinidad about a cricket match in New Delhi, the potential audience in the continental U.S. is going to be miniscule. I think there's a reason that you and Dana, who both work for a major sports television channel, don't know anything about cricket. It's that no one cares. Sports isn't like real news, where you have to find the right balance between the news people want and the news people need; sports is all about what people want. That's why Dan makes fun of soccer, but would be lynched if he did that in Europe. That's why Canadian sports highlight shows lead with pre-season hockey over baseball playoffs. And it's why, if any of your viewers sees you wasting time on a cricket match, your network will never get out of third place. Anyway, Dana is looking for her shoes under the conference table and telling Jeremy that the only thing she knows about cricket is that the players drink tea.
As the crew comes in, Dana asks them if they know anything about cricket. None of them do (well, other than Dana-wannabe Natalie, who knows the players drink tea). Dana tells the gang that some cricket guy in New Delhi did something big, but Jeremy won't tell them what. Jeremy protests that it's just that he doesn't understand. Natalie asks him what happened. "He took all ten wickets in one inning," he says. "What does that mean?" asks Natalie. Jeremy doesn't know; he just knows that's big. Dana, instead of nipping this in the bud, tells Elliot to get on the international wire and get the lowdown on the cricket match (which she mistakenly says was in Tripoli, causing Jeremy to freak out and correct her by saying that the guy he was talking to was in Trinidad and the match was in New Delhi, yet he still hasn't explained why he was talking to a guy in Trinidad about a match in New Delhi, other than for Dana-wackiness purposes). Jeremy tells Elliot that the cricket dude's name is Chauncey St. John; Sorkin obviously searched for the most blatantly English name he could come up with, and I can't wait for week's subplot about an amazing darts match in an Irish pub in which star darts player Mickey O'Begorrah does something amazing.
Dan comes in, and Dana asks him if he knows anything about cricket. "Ah, cricket. The game of the intelligent sportsman," he says warmly, before he admits to not knowing a thing about it, but I'm sure we all saw that coming. "This guy in New Zealand took all ten rickets in one inning," says Natalie non-helpfully, prompting another Jeremy spaz all "wickets!" and "New Delhi!" He seems to be taking more than a healthy interest in this match, and I'm starting to wonder if he just found out his mom had an affair with a cricket player or something. Then we'll be all set for a weepy speech towards the end of the episode where he can tell Natalie that he just wants to understand the rules of the game and what he'll really mean is that he's looking for some guidance in his own life. Near tears, he'll say, "Natalie, I just want to take my own wickets. I want to know how to take my own wickets." Then he'll turn and see the entire Sports Night gang standing there, listening to his speech. "How long have you guys been standing there?" he'll ask. "Long enough," Casey will say. Then, when J.J. comes to foreclose on the building, Elliot will find a bag of diamonds that he managed to snag from the pirate ship they were all on before for some reason, and they'll all be like, "Eat it, J.J.!" and the Sports Night gang will get to stay together after all. Or maybe the time The Family Channel reruns Goonies, I shouldn't watch it. Anyway, Casey now comes in and asks what's going on. "Don't ask," Jeremy warns him, but Dana recounts everything we know thus far about the cricket match, impressing Jeremy.
They get down to the business meeting, but first Dana wants to apologize in advance because she's been forgetting things and losing things. "Anyway, that's all," she says brightly, and leaves the conference room. No one else moves, and Dana scurries back in after remembering they still have a meeting to get through.
Later, Jeremy has some information on cricket that says the baseball equivalent of taking ten wickets in one inning is pitching three perfect games on three consecutive days. Okay, I don't know anything about cricket, but I feel fairly confident in saying that that sounds like a load of crap to me. Then Jeremy, reading further, says, "Wait, not exactly." "Why not exactly?" says Casey. Jeremy says the final four batters scored sixteen runs. Neither of them knows exactly what that means, but they agree that if that happened in a baseball game, it would hardly be construed as a "perfect game." Call me crazy, but I'm pretty sure the rules of baseball differ just a bit from cricket, so maybe they shouldn't exactly mock stupid-sounding aspects of another sport, when both amount mainly to two teams of grown men chasing around a little ball. Casey admits that he's not all that comfortable reporting a story he doesn't understand, but Jeremy tries to assure him that it's not that complicated, explaining that there's a "bowler" and a "batsman." Casey asks who they are, and Jeremy says he has no idea. Um, have these guys even actually ever seen a clip of a cricket match? Because I don't know anything about the sport either, but I could probably take a wild stab at who the bowler and the batsman are. Anyway, Dan comes in, beaming because his new name is "Mr. Happy Guy," because he's meeting Rebecca after the show, and Rebecca is just back in town from -- somewhere, I forget. Jeremy announces that he's discovered something else, and reads out a whole lot of cricket lingo, including confusing phrases like "a humble snorter," "straight to the slips," and "a low snatch." Jeremy's struggling to understand what that means, but says that obviously the snatch was lower than it normally is. I hate that!
Casey and Dan head outside, where Dan seems put out by Casey not being as excited as Dan is. "I'm Mr. Happy Guy!" says Dan, and Casey says, "Yeah, we met back there," which I thought was kind of funny. Dan starts whining, because he thinks Casey's not with him on this just because Dan wasn't with Casey earlier on the religious leader thing. "This is payback," says Dan, and Casey admits as much. Dan says these are two different things; whereas he is excited because Rebecca's back, Casey is just a "ranting lunatic," which, I think understandably, pops Casey's cork. He starts complaining that in the name of religion a man threatened the lives of 700 people. "The absence of admonishment from the church is totally bizarre!" says Casey. I have to say this: Is it really? Is this the first time Casey has heard of violent acts threatened -- not to mention actually committed -- in the name of religion? Then again, given Casey's narcissism, it's not all that surprising that he's pissed about it because this is the first time it's actually happened to him. Dan finally agrees with him, but Casey says that Dan's only doing it so Casey will be thrilled about Dan's Rebecca thing. Dan denies it as they walk through the newsroom, but finally admits it, and says he can fake his enthusiasm so Casey will never know the difference. Casey, who has been largely humourless this episode, finally cracks a smile and says, "That's all I ask."
As they enter their office, Dan proposes a deal in which Dan pretends to be with Casey on the religion thing if Casey is happy for Dan that Rebecca's back. Casey agrees to this, but Dan looks at him and says, "You're not happy Rebecca's back." Casey tries to deny this, but finally just warns Danny that this is going to go badly for him. Dan refuses to accept this, even as Casey tells him that Rebecca has a blind spot for Steve Sisko and has to correct Dan when Dan refers to Steve as Rebecca's ex-husband, since he's not "ex-" at all. Dan says Sisko's a jerk. Well, then, that settles it, because no woman in history has ever dated a jerk. Anyway, it's Dan's opinion that Rebecca won't go back to Steve because of how badly he treated her. "Be happy for me," says Dan. Casey, who finally realizes this is a lost cause -- and any guy who's never had to bite his tongue as a friend rushes blindly back to a woman who's only going to hurt him has never had any friends -- says, "I'm happy for you." Dan asks him if he's faking it. "Doesn't matter," says Casey. Indeed it doesn't, although if Dan could hear the melancholy music taking us to the scene, he'd surely realize he's doomed.
In Isaac's office, Dana is in the familiar position of fumbling around looking for something while cradling the phone on her shoulder, except that this time she's talking to Isaac, but we don't get to hear him or anything. Dana says everything's under control, except she can't find her shoes. She pauses, and apparently Isaac asks her if she looked on her feet, and she calls that a funny joke and then tells Isaac that he's a senile old man and that this stroke is a punishment for not being nicer to her. Pause. "Then why won't you let me come down there?" she says. She repeats that as Natalie comes in. Natalie, discerning that it's Isaac, starts pleading for the phone, but Dana won't give it to her and tells Isaac that Natalie's there but she's not interested in talking to stubborn people (not angrily, you understand, but with affectionate admonishment). After she hangs up the phone, Dana tells Natalie that Isaac made it up and down the corridor with a cane. Natalie's excited about this, but then Dana starts whining that Isaac won't let them visit him. Natalie warns Dana to let that go, but Dana won't. Natalie tries explaining that Isaac is "a man of tremendous dignity and accomplishment" who can't use the left side of his body, and he doesn't want them to see him like that. Natalie then asks Dana what's wrong, and she means in terms of Dana's sudden forgetfulness. Dana at first says she doesn't know, then admits that she doesn't like when Casey's mad at her. "I know," says Natalie. "He's never going to stop being mad at me," says Dana. Natalie says he will. "Here's the thing," says Dana (drink!). "He's got a point." Commercials.
Coming back, we see Natalie and Jeremy watching a clip of the cricket match, featuring a guy "bowling" a ball towards a guy holding a -- shall we say -- "bat." Baffling! Natalie calls it a spectacular play, but Jeremy says she has no idea what she's talking about. "I'm a sports professional, gumdrop, and I happen to know a little something about the cricket stylings of New Guinea's Mr. Chutney St. Joan." Jeremy corrects her on the guy's name, and she changes the subject: "What are we doing tonight?" "Nothing," says Jeremy. "Dinner?" "No." "Late movie?" "No." "Wanna rent some porn?" Jeremy tries to explain to her that breaking up means they can't see each other. "I'm just trying to get over it," he says, meaning, I guess, getting over the problems he needs to settle before getting back together with Natalie. "No one's rushing you," she lies, as he leaves the editing room. Then she rushes after him. "Are you over it yet?" she says. "Natalie..." he says. "How 'bout now?" she says.
Dan shows up with a wrapped gift for Rebecca. He tells Jeremy and Natalie that it's an "antique" abacus. Notice that Jeremy isn't so troubled by all his problems that he can't take a moment to snarkily say, "Probably the only kind there are." Dan seems nervous as he explains that Rebecca will like it because she's a market analyst and works with numbers. Natalie helpfully tells Dan that if Rebecca opens up a chequing account at a nearby bank, she can get a free calculator. Dan explains that he's not sitting on the sidelines anymore; he's getting in the game. "If Steve Sisko wants his wife back, the road goes through me," he says. "I love it!" says Natalie. But then Dan starts to doubt himself. In a matter of seconds, he goes from Mr. Happy Guy to Mr. Crazy Guy, and isn't sure an antique abacus is such a great gift. Natalie tries to shore up his confidence. Finally, Dan straightens up. "Honesty and directness are the keys. I love her; it's that simple. Honesty will win the day." Dan is so dead. He walks off. Natalie watches him go, then turns to Jeremy: "I'm talking about really good porn." Jeremy's a much stronger man than I am. I have a hard time going more than a day without a Coke; Jeremy here has given up his hot girlfriend who dances for him and likes to rent porn. His picture must be displayed for inspiration in Buddhist monasteries. After a final "Natalie..." from Jeremy, she seems to realize that maybe, just maybe, he's really not interested in discussing it. "Let's work," she says, and they head back to the editing room.
Dan and Casey's office. Casey is busy working where Danny normally sits when Dana comes in with a couple of notes on the night's show. After a couple of minor tweaks, Dana tells him to stop making Jerry Falwell jokes on the air. Casey gets his hackles up and says he's not doing Jerry Falwell "jokes," so Dana plays his semantic game and tells him to cut out the drop-ins and asides, then. He pompously starts in yet again with how a week ago someone threatened to blow them up. "And you think it was Jerry Falwell?" says Dana. "I haven't ruled him out as a suspect," says Casey. Getting a little angrier, Dana tells Casey that she's serious. He asks her what she's afraid of. "Offending people," she says, prompting Casey to sarcastically ask if she means the legions of viewers who take Falwell seriously. As she presses him, he cranks up the sarcasm. "I know I'm alone on this. I know the majority of people consider Jerry Falwell a spiritual pillar of great and gentle wisdom. I know that most people consider him a scholarly and tolerant man who would never judge others harshly just because they were different. I know that most people find his calm and leadership to be a gentle, soothing beacon in a time of great social chaos." I'm with Casey so far. Then he brings up the whole "purple Teletubby is gay" thing, and by this point I'm checking my watch and Casey has been at this for a good five minutes. He finishes by saying he knows he's going out on a limb, but he thinks Jerry Falwell's a "fat-ass." Oh, also, "I have a typewriter and I will use it as I see fit," and I had to laugh at Casey painting himself as some sort of Solzhenitsyn-esque lone candle in the darkness. I mean, yes, Falwell's a dick, and blaming the ACLU, abortion providers, gay rights supporters, and federal judges who banned school prayer for the Sept. 11 attacks only provided further proof of that, and if Falwell thinks his message of intolerance is getting him into heaven any sooner than people who crash airplanes into office buildings, he needs to read his Bible a little more closely. But I wonder what Casey hopes to accomplish by ragging on Falwell on the air. He's already admitted that few of their fans take Falwell seriously. If he thinks Falwell is going to change based on the gripings of a self-centred sports anchor on a third-rate network, he's got way too high an opinion of himself, and I wish that would quit surprising me. But speaking as a sports fan, the day I look to sports anchors for guidance and commentary on issues any more controversial than whether Barry Bonds or Sammy Sosa should be the National League MVP is the day that it is all over for me. Anyway, Dana says, "Not on my show," and Casey is now fine with referring to his comments as "just jokes" and Dana repeats, "Not on my show." "Is this it? You gonna bench me?" says Casey, and Dana says yes, so he dares her to do it. She snaps, "Do another Falwell joke and you're suspended for a week!" Casey stands up, staring at her, and stomps out of the office as we hear the "five minutes to air" signal.
In the studio, Jeremy spots Rebecca coming in and greets her. She asks if Dan's around and Jeremy says he'll get him, but Rebecca starts hemming and hawing and saying maybe he shouldn't if Dan's busy and about to go on the air. Jeremy's all, "You kill me!" and "He's very excited to see you!" Rebecca says, "I know, but --" and Elliot interrupts them briefly to say something to Jeremy. Once he's done, Jeremy turns back to Rebecca: "What were you going to say?" "Nothing," she says. Jeremy now senses that something's amiss and says, "Rebecca?" a couple of times, as she attempts to escape to her office.
Then Dan comes in. He goes giddy with the excitement of seeing Rebecca. He tells her he would kiss her full on the lips, but there are people present and it would be unprofessional. Too bad Natalie's not here for this. Anyway, he turns around and says, "Leave, people!" making Rebecca giggle. Then he tells her he has to go get some gifts for her. She watches him go, smiling. Jeremy also watches him go, thoughtful. He turns to Rebecca. "What were you going to say?" he says. She stops smiling. "I think I should tell Dan first. Don't you?" Jeremy apprises her coolly. "Yeah," he says. And heading back onto the killing floor is Dan. "I'm back!" he says, carrying gifts, including wine and flowers. Jeremy tells him he's on soon. Rebecca jokingly tells him she has a hot tip for him; she overheard some people talking on the plane, and Dan should keep his eye on Barry Bonds because she hears he's good. How many times can Sorkin make this joke? Then she mistakenly says he plays for the San Diego Giants (Dan corrects her), who are also going to be good. Hang on -- bomb threats, Jerry Falwell, Barry Bonds. When did this episode air, again? Dan says the Giants will be good, just not this year. "What about Barry Bonds?" says Rebecca, like, would you quit with the small talk and just pull the damn trigger here, Rebecca? Dan points out that Bonds can't bat before or after himself, and can't play right field and pitch at the same time. As he explains this, he finally realizes Rebecca is staring at him with a Bad News Imminent smile, and he says, "Uh oh." And after about five hours, Rebecca says, "Yeah." "Going back to Steve?" asks Dan. "He's my husband," she says, by way of explanation. Then she tries to do that thing that women do when they dump a guy -- that is, they try to tell him what a great guy he is, in the mistaken belief that it will make him feel better about getting dumped. Dan tells her to cram it. I mean, not in those words; he does it politely. So she finally thanks him, and he says it was his pleasure, and he looks like he even means it. Rebecca looks like she's going to cry and finally says, "Steve's waiting downstairs." "Tell him hi," says Dan. Rebecca turns to go, then turns back and says, "These people really seemed to think the Giants were going to go all the way this year," and please, Sorkin, don't do this to us now, because, honest to God, I promise you we get it. "They're wrong," says Dan quietly. What did I just say? Rebecca walks away. Dan closes his eyes for a moment, then puts the gifts down on a nearby table and walks away. Dude! Return the abacus!
A little later on, a slow pan across the TCs as they return to the boys from their final commercial break. As soon as they sign off and the first "good show"s start flying, Dana hustles onto the set with a pasted-on smile and apologizes to Casey. He doesn't really look upset, and motions with his head that they should talk elsewhere. As she follows him, she asks what he's doing. He says he's going somewhere more private. She asks him what that thing was he did with his head. He explains that he was indicating that they should go someplace more private, in much the same way you might explain something to an alien that has taken human form so she can walk among us and study our ways. She tells him not to do the thing with his head again, like, what is her problem here? Oh, I guess her confusion over his head motion is just to lead up to him asking her if she's going to suspend him for a week for that too. Dana stops him and apologizes for pulling out such a big gun. Casey then apologizes for testing her authority and tells her she's the boss. He thinks they're done, and the word "sorry" is getting quite a workout here, but she apologizes for ditching the show that night and admits that Casey was right for being mad, and that if Casey had done the same thing to her she'd have felt abandoned. Casey tries to tell her it isn't that big a deal, that he was just surprised, but Dana interrupts him to reveal that Gordon's going to ask her to marry him. Speaking of surprise. You know, I've never proposed, but doesn't telling someone you're "going to ask" them to marry you amount to a proposal? And kind of take the romance out of it? Anyway, Gordon's in Washington and told her on the phone that he's going to propose to her when he gets back. Why would he spoil the surprise over the phone? I'm guessing guilt. I'm guessing Gordon was feeling bad about the string of D.C. hookers strolling through his hotel room and figures marrying Dana will settle him down, not unlike Judd Nelson in St. Elmo's Fire. Smiling, Casey asks what she's going to say. Slight hesitation for Dana, but then she says, "What, are you kidding? I'm going to say yes!" The two of them then just stand there grinning at each other.
A pensive Natalie sits at a desk in the newsroom. When Jeremy wanders up, she tells him Gordon's going to ask Dana to marry him. Jeremy looks as thrilled as he did when he figured out Rebecca was going to dump Dan. He asks how she knows, and Natalie makes a sarcastic comment about how she has "special powers" and then says Dana told her. Then Natalie says she thinks Dana just told Casey. "Oh," says Jeremy, nonplussed. Then we witness the reconciliation of Jeremy and Natalie, as he decrees that they are now back together, much to her relief, and she tells him that he should kiss her now. He's about to, but then he breaks the news about Rebecca going back to her husband instead. Natalie asks where Dan is, and behind them, from Dan and Casey's office, we hear Dan yell, "I'm right here." Jeremy and Natalie turn toward the office doorway.
Dan stumbles into view, tie loosened, shirt untucked, bottle of wine in one hand, coffee mug in the other. He seems to be having difficulty standing, but no difficulty whatsoever using football and boxing metaphors to explain that he's still on his feet. He confesses, as though it's necessary, that he's had some wine and he wouldn't bet against the possibility of him having more. Jeremy suggests saving some for Casey. Dan wants to know what's wrong with Casey, and speak of the devil, Rectangle Head shows up, bitching at Natalie for not warning him about the Dana/Gordon thing. Natalie defensively says that Dana didn't tell her until just before airtime, and Natalie didn't want to tell Casey just before he went on the air. "Didn't stop Rebecca," slurs Dan, as he pours wine for everyone. Jeremy says that was his fault. Dan looks at him. "Then you are my sworn enemy!" he says, cracking me up, before hugging Jeremy and telling him he loves him. He does the same to Casey, saying Casey's like his "much, much older brother." Casey tells Dan that Gordon's going to ask Dana to marry him. "Wow," says Dan, suddenly sober. "Yeah," says Casey. "No, seriously, Casey," says Dan. "I know," says Casey. This sizzling dialogue is interrupted by Jeremy bringing up the cricket dude's amazing feat that none of them understand, and they all toast the stupid cricket-dude subplot. Casey starts laughing, and Dan wants to know what's up, and Casey says, "Somehow, in time, I'm gonna figure out a way to blame this on Jerry Falwell." And they all toast Falwell. Then the light mood dissipates and Casey starts shuffling his feet as the rest of them sit down. As the plucky electric guitar kicks in, Natalie starts up a bit of annoying nonsense to take us out. "The thing is, Casey, with you I didn't hear it." "Hear what?" says Casey, completely confused, but of course Jeremy and even drunk Dan somehow know what she's on about, and they agree they haven't heard it either. "Nobody's heard it," says Natalie. "Nobody's heard the bell ring." Ohhhhhhh. Casey says, "Yeah." He thinks for a moment. "I'm gonna need a plan." Yeah, because as we all know, plans always work out so well on this show.