Opening credits over Dan and Casey talking about football. The crew in the control room look like they've been ethered. "Could the show be any stiffer tonight?" asks Dana. Jeremy says it will loosen up. "It could only loosen up, Jeremy, because I don't think it's possible for it to be any stiffer," she says, quashing Jeremy's optimism with a big ass-plant of negativity. She goes on about how last night was really bad, but tonight it turns out they have "unexplored potential for stiffness," and the word "stiff" and its various constructions are said about a hundred times in this scene, and it's dialogue like this that convinces me Sorkin opens a dictionary to any random page and picks a word to build a scene around, and then keeps trying to break his record for how many times he can use that word in a scene. , the male Tertiary Characters (with the exception of Elliot) start messing up, and Dana barks at Dave to get it together. "That's what we need, we need the control room to fall apart, that's just what the doctor ordered," says Dana, displaying her usual brilliant supervision-through-sarcasm style.
Natalie says, "He's gotten in everyone's head." "Like a virus," says Dana. They're referring to Sam Donovan, ratings consultant extraordinaire and the ass-kickingest thing on this show, although I have to say I thought his stature was diminished somewhat the other day when I was flipping around the television and I saw Macy in that Kelsey Grammer vehicle Down Periscope, and I was already feeling guilty because it had been almost a week since I turned in my last recap and I had yet to get started on a new one despite my promise to do them faster. What's weirder, though, is that it wasn't even the first guilt-inducing Sports Night sighting of the day; I had been asked to speak about "the media" to a youth group that has a get-together every week to watch a movie, and the movie they were watching that week was The Truman Show, which I'd already seen but I rented it to re-acquaint myself, as it were, with Truman Burbank, and who has a bit part in The Truman Show but Peter Krause. All I needed was some Benson reruns and Dead Poets Society and I would have been all set. Most people would have taken it as coincidence. Catholic prisoner of guilt that I am, I took these as messages from an angry, vengeful, impatient God telling me to write more recaps.
Anyway. Jeremy says Sam is more like a tiny electrode placed in the cerebral cortex, and he drones on with this science fiction simile that draws blank stares from everyone. "See, I'm totally off my game," he mutters. "He gets his way," says Dana (meaning Sam). "He does seem to be in control," agrees Natalie. "After a week!" says Dana. "Eight days," corrects Kim. "Who cares, it took me two years to figure out how to run this show. He comes in here, he gets in our heads like a virus, or whatever it is Jeremy said, and we're so stiff!"
This is Sam's cue to walk in, saying, "Hey." "Good evening," says Dana, colder than a mother-in-law's love. "Show seems a little stiff tonight, don't you think?" says Sam. Dana agrees, and the word "stiff" is used about five hundred more times. "You know why?" asks Sam. "'Cause you're freaking everyone out?" says Natalie. "Could be," says Sam. "Know what I'd do if I were you?" says Sam, walking behind Dana and Natalie. "Kill myself?" says Dana. I can't figure out if she wants to kill herself or she wants Sam to kill himself or what. "No, I'd whisper in their ear," he says. Dan and Casey having one ear between the two of them, I guess. "I beg your pardon?" says Dana. "The two of you, whisper something in their ear," says Sam. "What are you talking about?" says Dana. "Men like the sound of a woman whispering in their ear. They get playful," which I admit is true, when what's being whispered is something cool like, "Breakfast's ready." The suggestion doesn't impress Dana, who says, "Why don't we just get 'em a lap dance?" Sam says, deadpan, "Nah, we don't have that kind of time, but I like your thinking." Ha ha! Smiling a little, Sam repeats his suggestion that she whisper in their ears. "I'm not whispering in their ear; Natalie's not whispering in their ear," she snaps. Kim starts to volunteer, team player that she is, but Dana cuts her off. "Kim's not whispering in their ear," says Dana. Then she goes off about how Sam always gets what he wants, and they've been very cooperative, but in the control room she runs the show and she'll deal with things. Sam says, "Okay." The show goes to commercial. Dana takes off her headset and says, "Excuse me," and gets up.
At the desk, Dan says, "I believe we're about to get a pep talk." Casey, all morose, says, "Yep." Dana strides out onto the set and says, "I've seen brighter performances by inmates -- you mind telling me what the hell's going on?" like if this doesn't pep up the show, I don't know what will. Dan starts to say something, but Dana says, "I don't want to hear about it. This show's supposed to be fun, you guys sound like you're giving stock quotes. Is there a reason I should be aware of?" Now it's Casey's turn to try to say something, only to get cut off by Dana's Motivation with a Vengeance. We see Sam walk onto the set. "Don't give me your excuses," continues Dana. "We've got eighteen minutes of show left. What I'd like is for you guys to start earning your money. Do you have anything to say?" and Casey says, "Yeah..." but of course Dana doesn't really want to hear it and says, "Good!" and turns and walks away, having dispensed three brimming bowlfuls of Liver and Onions for the Soul. Casey makes a tight-lipped face and looks around, and I think he might be constipated.
Sam strolls up and starts speaking in that conspiratorial tone men use when a woman in authority has to dress them down, that tone of voice that clearly conveys, "What a bitch, eh? Probably that time of the month." "Donna seems pretty mad," says Sam. Dan tells Sam her name is Dana, which seems to take Sam by surprise. "Dana's a better name," says Sam, whatever that means. "I'm sure she appreciates that," says Casey, all bitchy and not even looking at Sam, who then goes on to confide in the two anchors, even going so far as to hunch over the desk. Sam says he thinks his presence in the studio is intimidating people and that he's going to watch the rest of the show in the green room. Casey snidely says he thinks Dana would appreciate that too. Sam walks away. Dan smugly says that Sam is weakening and he doesn't always get his way. Casey looks at the bare desk and says, "Did he just take our script?" Cut to a shot of Sam turning off the teleprompter. Natalie says to Dana, "We just lost the teleprompter!" as Dave says, "Fifteen seconds back." Dana gets on the mic to tell Dan and Casey the teleprompter's down, so they'll have to work off their script. I think we all know where this is headed. Dan informs her that Sam stole the script. That's not a problem, says Dana, she and Natalie will give them bullet points. She pauses as she realizes what Sam, that magnificent bastard, has done. "We'll whisper them in your ear," she says. The end-wacky-opening-scene music starts up as Dana looks flabbergastedly at Natalie. Commercials.
Back from commercials, Dana hangs up the phone in her office. "They're coming here." From somewhere off-camera, Natalie's disembodied voice comes floating in. "When?" "Eight o'clock." Comprehension from Natalie: "They want to give notes." "Yep." Natalie starts to get her back up, but Dana cuts her off: "They're very serious about it." "Who's coming?" asks Natalie, "J.J. and the boys?" Wait, I'm confused now. Are The Suits coming, or did Dana arrange for some strippers? Dana says yes. "Good!" says Natalie, getting to her feet, "'cause they're qualified to tell us how to write and run a television show, given their many years of experience neither writing nor producing a television show." Wait. I'm confused again. To me, that would indicate they are in fact not qualified to...ohhhhh. "What do you want from me, Natalie, we work for a network," says Dana, and she's obviously biting her tongue, but she's also doing this weird thing with her eyebrows like she's trying to signal to Natalie that the room might be bugged. "How did this happen?" squeals Natalie, meaning Sam Donovan, The Suits coming in, the whole thing. I don't know why she's screeching at Dana, who Natalie must know would agree with her. But also because Dana looks perilously close to snapping right now. Natalie continues to screech; Dana gives her head a shake and says, sort-of-calmly, "We are getting our asses kicked by ESPN and Fox." I knew it! Don't forget TSN! Woo! I am Canadian! WOO! Natalie says the show is only three years old and that every show on the network is in third place. "It's a third-place network!" says Natalie. Well, with such shining ambition, it's a mystery to me why they can't beef up the ratings. "It doesn't mean we weren't doing the show well," says Natalie. Speaking in the past tense. Very telling. Dana says, "Isaac had a stroke," whatever that has to with anything, like blame the ratings on a guy having a stroke, real nice. Natalie says, "I know that, so what?" cranking up her screechy factor another notch and making the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end, and I just got my hair cut so I'm like a bristly little hedgehog right now. "I'm doing the best I can," says Dana. "No one's blaming you," says Natalie. Well, no, Natalie, unless we count you berating her non-stop just now, but it's too late because Dana pops. "Everybody's blaming me!" she yells. Natalie stands transfixed in the face of Dana's fury. "Knowing me as you do, Natalie, I thought you might consider cutting me some slack!" How very annoying for me to be on Dana's side for once. Dana relaxes and leans back in her chair. She says that if this keeps up she has to look seriously at some offers. Natalie wiggles her ass back over to the couch and says, "Well, you're not leaving me here." As if Dana couldn't possibly think of a million reasons not to bring along Natalie's winning personality. "You're taking me with you, Dana." "Of course," says Dana, and I think she means it, except she's not even looking at Natalie, so I bet she's thinking, "As if, BEE-YOTCH." Natalie reads that loud and clear and repeats, "You're taking me with you." So Dana finally looks at her and says, "I'm taking you with me," and even almost smiles.
"Jeremy has to come too," says Natalie, all pushy again. Dana frowns but says, "Fine." "And you're not going to be happy unless Casey's there," says Natalie, without even mentioning that Dana has already told Casey he's got to consider other offers of his own for six months. Sexy offers, that is! "Casey can come," concedes Dana. You see where this is going. Dan comes too. Neither of these two mention the TCs, who I would love to see on air. Kim and Elliot hosting the show, dig it. Ratings bonanza. "Nobody's blaming you," says Natalie again, since it was such a crowd-pleaser last time. But Dana doesn't spaz, she just gets up and says, "We've got a rundown meeting," and they exit.
In the meeting room, the gang is sitting silently, no one looking at anyone else. Dana and Natalie enter. Dana, all false encouragement, says, "That's what I like to see at the noon rundown, some lively chatter, the place alive with energy and ideas!" She even fooled me into thinking she cares. But then Jeremy says, "Dana --" and Dana says, "Stow it, let's take care of business," thereby shattering the illusion. I don't think I've ever heard anyone actually use the phrase "stow it" before, except maybe in Archie comics. ["I used it on the boards the other day." -- "Veronica"] Elliot gets up and says there's a memo from building maintenance telling everyone that one of the legs on the craft service table is wobbly so they should be careful getting food, because of course they make the tubby guy read the food memo. What kind of geniuses do they have at building maintenance anyway? There's a wobbly table leg, so they send out a memo instead of -- full disclosure, I don't have a degree in building maintenance or anything -- fixing the table leg? ["It's a union thing, probably." -- Sars] Dana can't believe there's a memo from building maintenance about this. She seems pissed, and everyone looks at her nervously until she cracks up. Laughing, I mean. Then once everyone realizes it's not crazy laughing, they join in, except Elliot, because of course the tubby guy takes his food accessibility very seriously. Everyone laughs until Casey gets all serious and bangs his fists on the table: "Hey. This show's important." The giggling subsides. "But first things first, there are bagels on that table," sending everyone into paroxysms of laughter again. I myself was fifty percent amused, fifty percent annoyed. Anyway, everyone laughs for about five hours, until everybody stops and does that sigh thing signifying the end of laughter. Then silence again. Then Dana says, "J.J. and some people from the network want to meet with us and --" and Dan groans and says, "I knew it." Hey! I have an idea! Since we just had a scene in which Dana takes crap from one of her subordinates and is forced to defend herself even though she obviously cares deeply about the show, let's have another scene in which Dana takes crap from one of her subordinates and is forced to defend herself even though she obviously cares deeply about the show! Cool!
So Dan complains about the network giving them notes. Blah blah blah, déjà vu, fast forward, Dana calls Dan a "malcontent," Dan calls Dana a "secretary," and once again I am annoyingly siding with Dana because Dan does cross the line; when Dan says he can't believe Dana's letting the network do this, Dana says she's doing the best she can, and Danny says, "The fact that might be true absolutely terrifies me, Dana." See what I mean? Harsh. It's the "secretary" comment that gets to Dana, though. She and Danny stare at each other until Dana says, "Let's do this later," gathers up her things, and walks out. Casey gets up and pats Dan on the shoulder and says, "That's nice, man." Dan has that look a person gets when he knows he's been an asshole. Everybody gets up to go. As they stand, Jeremy and Natalie look at each other. "We're in trouble," says Jeremy. Natalie says, "I know," or "Papa don't preach," or something, and they both exit.
, Dan is knocking on Dana's office door. He's bearing gifts to make up for his assholery earlier, even though Dana says gifts weren't necessary. Danny starts telling Dana about the time she visited a small vineyard in Napa and tasted a wine there that she loved but hasn't been able to find since. Amazingly, Dan has found some, and Dana is suitably impressed. I'm not positive, but it looks like one of those chi-chi wines that comes with a cork. Anyway, he gives it to her. Then he starts talking about how wine and cheese go together, which I'm assuming he read in this month's Maxim. He says there's a great cheese place on Second, but when he went there he found it was now a hardware store. "That's okay," says Dana. Dan reaches into his little brown bag and pulls out some spackle, because although he was able to track down this obscure wine, he couldn't find any cheese, I guess. He gives her the spackle and Dana giggles. It was pretty funny. Then they apologize to each other, Dana a little unnecessarily, in my opinion. Casey walks in. Dan leaves to look at tape, which confused me because it sounds suspiciously like work.
Casey asks how Dana's doing. She says terrible. Casey has an idea, which he realizes is against the rules but he thinks it's still a good idea. Dana actually has to ask what his idea is, instead of realizing that of course Casey would think the solution to her problems is in his pants. He suggests going on a date. Dana smiles and says that's a great idea but it's against the rules, and today might not be the best day. Casey wussily backs down. Then he asks if there's anything he can do for her, and thankfully he means it sincerely instead of as a come-on. Dana tells him he can keep his cool during the notes meeting and to keep Danny in check as well. She reminds him that it wasn't the network who brought in Sam Donovan. He agrees to keep cool. Then, because it's all about his penis, Casey says he talked to Danny about the Dating Plan. "And he thinks you should be psyched?" says Dana. Casey says, "Yeah," and at first Casey thought Danny was crazy, but then he wondered if maybe he himself is the crazy one. Dana shows who the crazy one is by saying, "Casey. I want you to date other women, I don't want you to enjoy it," like GET FAR AWAY, Casey -- exactly how psycho does Dana have to get before you get out of the way? She's even shaking her head and smiling a psycho smile here, like I seriously got chills watching this scene. I thought her head was going to twist around a full 360 degrees and then start spitting up pea soup. From now on, please imagine Dana delivering her lines in that fake demon voice always used in movies where someone is possessed. Casey says he doesn't understand. Dana says, "Foolish mortal, I shall feed you to Cerberus myself if you persist with your insolence." Casey says, "I understand." Dana says, "The skies will rain with the blood of all who oppose me." Casey says, "No." Dana kisses him, then looks down demurely and says, "Where is your God now? I shall cast you into the nether regions of Hell just as my father did me." Casey says, "I didn't think so." The melancholy music plays as Dana stabs her talons into Casey's chest cavity and rips out his still-beating heart, rivulets of blood running down her arm and dripping steaming on the floor. Casey looks sad and leaves. Commercials.
Sam knocks on the door to Isaac's office and gets introduced to J.J. and Ray Mitchell, director of program development, and Billie Tasker, senior V.P. of current programming. Pleasantries dispensed with, J.J. closes the door and says he realizes Isaac is busy so they'll cut to the chase. "Sports Night's been underachieving." Isaac and Sam exchange glances. "It's not an exaggeration at this point to say the network's concern is extreme." EXTREME! Mountain Dews all around! J.J. complains that he and The other Suits have been sending memos and notes for a year and they've fallen on deaf ears, like I don't think writing suggestions from someone who would suggest that a written message could fall "on deaf ears" should be taken seriously, but whatever. J.J. says he feels it's time they step in. "I'm sorry you feel that way," says Isaac. "Excuse me," says J.J, a little ticked. Isaac says he's sorry J.J thinks the notes fell on deaf ears; Isaac has always thought they were given due consideration. "They weren't," says J.J. "Just because we didn't execute all the network's suggestions doesn't mean we weren't listening. It just means we didn't agree. You didn't expect me to substitute your judgment for mine, did you, J.J.?" Isaac kicks such ass. "Not then, no," says J.J. But he does now. Isaac looks around at The Suits. "Will it keep everyone here from losing their jobs?" J.J., weasel that he is, pretends not to understand. Isaac says, a little more forcefully, "If I allow you three to go in there and mess with my show, will it keep my staff from losing their jobs?" J.J. says, "I can't make promises." Weasel! "J.J., I've never liked you," says Isaac. "I know," says J.J. Isaac bangs his fist on the desk and stands up. "We're done," he says. "Sam, can we see you outside?" says J.J. Sam and The Suits leave. Isaac smiles triumphantly.
Outside, J.J. tells Sam it doesn't look like Isaac is recovering from the stroke as quickly as they hoped he would. Yeah, because Isaac is standing up for his show and his staff, it must be because of the stroke. "You guys want to exert more control over the show, right?" says Sam. "Yes," says Ray. "Then it seems like he's recovering exactly as fast as you'd hoped," says Sam. Zing! "I think our point was that he's no longer able to do the show," says J.J. Billie, emboldened by leaving Isaac's office, says, "To tell you the truth, it's not clear he was ever able to do the job. He was a bit of a sentimental choice." Wow. Never have I taken such a speedy dislike to a television character. J.J. tells Sam that Sam is someone they'd like to see at the top of the "pyramid," because he is, to use one of the phrases that is death to quality journalism, more "sales-oriented" and seems able to exert some authority. J.J. says when things settle down, they'd like him to consider making his position permanent. Sam smiles, leans in and says, "Was there anything else?" "No," says J.J. "Okay." says Sam. "Okay," says J.J. "Great," says Billie. "Good to meet you," says Ray. The Suits nod and leave, unsure how to gauge Sam, who walks back to Isaac's office.
Inside, Sam is looking out his window at the sunset skyline. "This is my favourite time of day of my favourite time of year in New York," he says. "Mine too," says Sam. Isaac asks Sam if The Suits offered him Isaac's job. Sam makes up a story about some Midwest numbers they wanted to discuss. "Don't lie to me, Sam," says Isaac, not angrily. Sam admits he was offered Isaac's job. Isaac laughs and says, "You should play ball with them, son. You shouldn't mess them around. You could have a big future at this network." Sam says he appreciates the advice. "Don't brush me off," says Isaac, and he starts talking about how he knows Sam likes his image as a gunslinger, "bopping from job to job," but Isaac thinks Sam is better than that. "Also, you're a grown man now. You don't have thirty cents in your pocket." Sam laughs. Isaac tells him to think about it. Sam asks if Isaac is going to the notes meeting. Isaac says he's going to the control room to watch the colour test. Don't worry about Isaac; he'll be very strategically placed later on, trust me. His excuse for not going to the meeting: "I feel like doing something that has something to do with television." Sam exits.
In the meeting room, The Suits are facing off against our heroes. Evil Billie says, "See, and that gets us back to the same thing were talking about with note 22," as The Suits flip through their binders and the staff just look pained. "It really all boils down to the same thing," says Ray. "The problem's in the writing," says Evil Billie. The staff make barely-suppressed whatever faces. The Suits blather on with a bunch of nonsense about how they're big fans, but not all the viewers are as smart as they are. I'm going to go out on a limb here and posit this might mirror network attempts to get Sorkin to dumb down his show? The Suits go on about other writing styles they think would be better for the show. "Keith and Kenny. Or Craig." Since I watch TSN, Sars should feel free to go off on the American sportscasters, right...now! ["Please. I live in a country that put Dennis Miller in a broadcast booth and you're asking me? But I will say this: if they mean Kilborn, that guy couldn't write a shopping list without help." -- Sars] Dan has his arms folded. Nobody else looks overly impressed either, and I have to say I sympathize, since knowing your audience is one thing, but talking down to them is another, and I reject the idea that good sportswriting can't draw on analogies beyond the typical sports fan's frame of reference (i.e. outside the sporting world). If anything, sportswriters with a grasp of more than just the box scores are better able to place sports in some sort of real-word perspective. Exhibit A: Steve Rushin's piece in the latest Sports Illustrated, about Tiger Woods winning the British Open, draws on a quote from, of all places, Flaubert's Parrot by Julian Barnes, a great book on the obsession with the intimate details of the lives of our performers and artists.
Anyway, J.J. starts going on about how The Suits have been sending scripts and talking until they're blue in the face. Dana cuts him off and says, "They've been trying." "No, they haven't," says J.J. Dana says she'd like to continue the meeting in her office because this isn't fair to her staff. Evil Billie says, "We find that when we give the notes to you, they don't make their way to the staff." Jeremy protests that that isn't true, but Dana stops him. "Dan and Casey are professional writers. They're not waiters in a restaurant. You can't tell them what you'd like and how you'd like it prepared." Smug J.J. says, "This show is bought and paid for by my network, Dana, that is exactly what I can do." Congratulations, J.J., you made me so angry I yelled a very nasty word at my television. Dana asks again if they could please have the meeting in her office, like maybe she has a submachine gun in there or something. "And I'm telling you, we're past that!" says J.J. Dana puts her pen down. "J.J., I was hoping this meeting would go differently. I was prepared to eat whatever I had to for Isaac's sake, and I asked the senior staff to do the same, which, by the way, is the only reason why Dan, Casey, Jeremy, Elliot, Chris, Will and Dave haven't beat the crap out of you guys by now." Notice she left the women off that list, even though I would fear Natalie's wrath much more than any of those guys, including and especially Will and Jeremy. The Suits make "Well, I never!" faces at the threat of physical violence. Billie actually gasps audibly. Dana says, "I've changed my mind. At this point, you have two choices. Fire me or shut the hell up." Go, Dana! J.J. does that annoying "watch how I remain composed and don't stoop to your histrionics" thing that assholes in authority pull off so well and says Dana's attitude combined with the sagging ratings makes that a very easy choice. "Hang on," says Dan. "We can try harder." Casey nods. Dana says, "Danny." "We can," says Casey. "Nobody has to lose their job over this. We can try harder," says Dan. "Let's get to the rest of the notes," says Casey. J.J. is all squinty looking at the two of them, trying to judge if they're sincere. Then he looks at Dana and repeats, "Get to the rest of the notes." He doesn't appear to be gloating. He may be giving Dana a warning look, but I admit he could also be indicating to Dana that they should forget their heated exchange and move on. It was hard to tell. He's still an asshole, though. Evil Billie starts right in again; she's exactly like the older sister who thinks she's the boss whenever Mom isn't around. Dana says they're taking a break first. She's very calm. J.J. gets a little ticked and says they're getting through the rest of the notes. "Do what you want but for the five minutes you'll be talking to an empty room," she says and gets up. So does the rest of the staff, and they all leave the meeting room, leaving The Suits behind.
Sam walks in and asks how things are going. J.J. says they're going fine. "I'm sorry, is it Jim Bob?" says Sam. Ha ha! "J.J.," says J.J., not impressed. "Oh. I thought it was Jim Bob. Take a walk with me, will ya?" Sam gestures, and The Suits get up and the four of them stroll through the various Sports Night sets. Sam says where they're going is a surprise. Then he starts telling a story about Philo Farnsworth, the man who invented television. The Suits look confused. Sam calls Farnsworth a visionary. "The guy I really like, though, was his brother-in-law, Cliff Gardner," says Sam. Gardner didn't know anything about science, but wanted to be a part of what Farnsworth was doing, so he taught himself to be a glass-blower so he could make the glass tubes Farnsworth would need for his television sets. By now The Suits seem more interested than perplexed. They've come to rest on the on-air set. "I've looked over the notes you've been giving over the last year or so," says Sam, "and I have to say they exhibit an almost total lack of understanding of how to get the best from talented people." "Excuse me, but --" says Billie. Sam interrupts her and reminds them that they said he seems able to exert some authority. "I assure you, it's not 'cause they like me. It's 'cause they knew, two minutes after I walked in the door, I'm someone who knows how to do something. I can help. I can make glass tubes. That's what they need," he says, as we finally get the payoff for his six-hour story about the glass-blower. He starts to walk away and says, "One last thing. The first and last decision-making authority on this show will rest with Isaac Jaffe until Isaac Jaffe says otherwise. And if you disrespect him in my presence again, I will re-dedicate the rest of my life to ruining the rest of yours." J.J. clearly has never been spoken to like this before; he's watching Sam with a mixture of anger, fear and confusion. Sam continues, "And if you think I'm just mouthing at ya, you should ask around about me. I have absolutely no conscience about these things." J.J. finally speaks: "Sam, why did you bring us out here?" "'Cause," says Sam, gesturing behind them. "There's the exit. That's it, the meeting's over." And Sam walks off, having vanquished The Suits.
As Sam walks back across the on-air set, we see him walk across the many television screens in the control room, where, of course, Isaac is watching. Isaac affectionately calls Sam a lunatic and says he should have said that in front of the staff. "That's not what I do," says Sam. "I shovel well." All right, he didn't say anything about shovelling. He leaves.
Back in the meeting room, Dana sends Elliot to look for The Suits just as Sam walks in. "Where's J.J.?" asks Dana. Sam says, "They're gone. I don't have to like you, you don't have to like me. I have two priorities: The first is getting from the beginning of the day to the end of the day without having a drink." Ladies and gentlemen, Lenny Briscoe, ratings consultant. The second priority, I'm assuming, is to crack wise about his ex-wives. "The second is raising this show's ratings to the point where it's no longer in danger of what almost happened here today." Everyone considers this. Sam continues, "Trust me. I won't make fools out of you," and leaves the room. Everybody turns to look at Dana as the camera pans around the room and settles on her. She has a slightly dazed look as she says, "Whoa. Let's go do the show."