By Daniel
Wing Chun asks me if I would do a recap for Mighty Big TV and she thinks I’d be good to do Sports Night. I ask her if it’s because I’m a journalist with a deft writing style and a vast knowledge of sports. Wing Chun says she has to refer me to Sars. I ask Sars the same thing and Sars tells me that I’m the only person she knows with a subscription to Sports Illustrated and that it’s "kind of neat" that I have the same name as one of the characters on Sports Night. Sars says, "You could work that into the recap, like, ‘Whoa! Danny has the same name as me!’ That would be pretty cute." I don’t say anything and the silence grows increasingly awkward. Then Sars says they’ll pay me and I tell her I’d be honoured to write for Mighty Big TV.
This episode starts off with the screen just black and the title "Sports Night" and you hear someone counting down the seconds until airtime, a la Larry Sanders.
Then the picture comes on and there’s Dan and there’s a guy who isn’t Casey sitting at the desk and suddenly we are not actually in the studio watching "Sports Night" on Sports Night but watching a television set, and the camera pulls back and there’s a man and a woman watching the intro, and the woman turns and it’s Pixley. She says to the guy, "I just went on a date with one of those guys," which isn’t at all true, she went out with Casey, who apparently has the night off tonight. The guy is wearing this ugly grey turtleneck that gives me flashbacks to stupid itchy clothes of my childhood. He says "from Sports Night?" and Pixley says, "Yeah," and Turtleneck says, "You’re kidding," and Pixley says, "No." Pixley and Turtleneck are in a bar and they get their drinks and the bar is very crowded, except there’s no lineup in front of Pixley and Turtleneck and when they walk back to their table no one has stolen their seats. Turtleneck wants to know which Sports Night guy Pixley dated and wonders if it was Dan, and suddenly Pixley is acting like she’d rather not talk about it even though she brought it up, but admits, "It’s the one the guy on the right’s filling in for tonight." His name is Casey, Pixley. Turtleneck says, "You dated Casey," which Pixley qualifies as "a date," and Turtleneck says, "You dated Casey McCall" like it’s a Major Accomplishment. Now Pixley reduces it to "half a date." Turtleneck says he is a "Sports Night nut" and makes this weird eyes-bugging-out face. Meanwhile, all these people are walking in front of the camera to the extent that I was shifting my body and craning my neck to see around them because I was worried about missing this scintillating dialogue between Pixley and Turtleneck. Turtleneck asks if Casey is a good guy, and Pixley warningly says, "Turtleneck, don’t you think this time would be best spent talking about you? Or even me?" and she’s smiling and trying to be nice about it, and I have to say she’s really cute. But Turtleneck asks her one more time if she went on a date with Casey, which I thought had already been established. This time, though, Pixley is starting to look annoyed. Turtleneck asks if she’s going to see Casey again, not in a jealous way, but in a hopeful way. Pixley, annoyed, says, "No, I am not. There are few guarantees in this life, but here’s one. I will never see Casey McCall again."
, a finger pokes Pixley’s arm. Who could that be? Oh! It’s Casey! What a coincidence!
Casey says as much, except he doesn’t say "coincidence" like I did, like a normal person would; he says "isn’t this a coinkydink." Pixley agrees that it is a coinkydink. Now Pixley wants to leave. Turtleneck asks if Casey is with someone, and Casey is with someone named Jessica, who Casey says is sitting by herself, so I guess she’s having a great time tonight. Casey tells Pixley this is "date #8" and that she was "date #1," in reference to Dana’s ridiculous Dating Plan. Pixley orders Turtleneck to get the coats, and he leaves even though he is awestruck in Casey’s presence. Casey sits down and begins the process of winning over Pixley with his charm again. He explains that he was going to call her but he didn’t have her number. Then we get humour along the lines of "do you know how many Pixley Robinsons there are in the phone book?" Pixley is speaking in hushed tones with her chin out, doing that I’m-giving-you-shit-but-I’m-smiling-while-I’m-doing-it thing. It’s kind of effective, coming from her. Pixley sums up their (half) date as the "ridiculous requirement made by the girl that you really wanted to be with and you wouldn’t have been there if you hadn’t been forced." Yeah, I can see how guys would have to be forced to spend time with Pixley. Where is Turtleneck with those coats? Casey asks for her phone number, even though we just found out there’s only one Pixley Robinson in the book. Pixley says no. Casey says okay and looks like he’s going to leave. Pixley says "give me yours" and the lite pseudo-bluesy music starts up and Casey writes his name and number on her wrist. Then he leaves to get back to his current sham date whom we never actually see. Commercials.
, Danny is saying, "how could you have not heard of this game?" and Dave is saying, "Dan --" The show has just started and someone is already annoyed with Danny. Danny says, "It’s one of the greatest baseball games ever played in the history of baseball." Silly me, thinking he might have meant it was one of the greatest baseball games ever played in the history of golf. Dave has no idea what he’s talking about and explains he doesn’t have to know sports since he’s the "technical director." Dan says, "Everyone should know this," and reveals, finally, that he’s talking about the 1951 pennant playoff between the Brooklyn Dodgers and the New York Giants, and he goes into excruciating detail about the Giants-Dodgers rivalry. I’ll sum it up: In August of 1951 the Giants were 13.5 games out of first place, and they came back to tie the Dodgers for first, necessitating a one-game playoff for the pennant. The Dodgers are leading 4-1 in the bottom of the ninth when Bobby Thomson hits a home run to win the game, a home run that came to be known as "The Shot Heard Round The World," except this one didn’t spark a World War. ["Actually, the original ‘Shot Heard Round The World’ was fired on Lexington Green against the British Redcoats to begin the American Revolution." -- Sars] Nowhere in Danny’s drawn-out, overly dramatic explanation does he touch on why the hell he is going on about it, with home-run hitting gestures and everything. He is right about it being one of the most famous baseball games ever. For the life of me, though, I can’t figure out where a 1951 baseball game fits in with Sports Night’s attempts to be topical.
So, a couple of hours after Danny starts explaining about the game, he gets to the part about the home run and I figure he’s done, but he starts in with the commentary by Russ Hodges, which, similarly, is one of the most famous broadcasts ever, and it consists mostly of "The Giants win the pennant! The Giants win the pennant!" over and over, and Danny does a lousy Russ Hodges impression which, if I were Dave, would lead me to suspect that one of the anchors of the show had taken to smoking big bowls of crack. Now Danny is saying, "[Hodges] just kept going, the guy just kept going on, ‘the Giants win the pennant! The Giants win the pennant!’" and Dan grabs Dave by the shoulders and says, "The Giants win the pennant!" Danny certainly has the "just kept going on" part of the impression down cold. And Dave is laughing instead of kicking Danny’s ass. Danny says, "I think I listened to a tape of Russ Hodges making that call, I don’t know, every night for, I think, four or five years." Dave, instead of asking if Danny had any friends, very graciously says, "You like sports, don’t you, Danny," which Danny confirms.
Now Jeremy walks by and says "hey." So buckle up, because you know we’re in for the classic Walking While Talking Scene Transition and Dave says, "I gotta go, my scene is over," and Danny starts chasing after Jeremy and says, "I think we should do a feature on Bobby Thomson’s homer," and Jeremy, probably realizing that there aren’t too many sports fans who don’t know how that game turned out, says, "Why?" and Danny says, "50th anniversary," so in this episode, we learn that math is not one of Danny’s strengths. Jeremy corrects him, "49th anniversary," which isn’t right yet anyway, either, and Danny says, "Deserving of a tribute," and Jeremy says, "A 49th anniversary tribute?" and Danny says, "There’s a law it has to comes in fives and tens?" No, but I’d like to know what the law of anniversary journalism is anyway, The Law of Slow News Days and Unimaginative Journalists? But Jeremy says, "No, none that I know of." Danny for some reason says, "We make our own laws, Jeremy." You are so right, Danny. Screw the system! We’ll do 49th anniversary stories! Total anarchy! Tonight, on Sports Night: Martial Law! Jeremy suggests Dan talk to Isaac, and Danny says, "I don’t need Isaac’s permission, I make my own laws." Would someone explain to me why the hell he keeps going on about making his own laws? Finally we have arrived at Jeremy’s desk but annoyingly, all those stupid people from the bar last night are now milling about in front of the camera again. Jeremy says Danny should talk to Isaac because "he was there," and Danny says, "Where?" Dammit, Danny, on the set of Judge Dredd where you stole all this "I am the law!" nonsense -- where do you think? Maybe at the game you’ve been blathering about nonstop for two hours? Jeremy says, "The game." Danny says "the Giants game?" I start to weep at this point. Jeremy says, "Yeah." Danny says, "You’re kidding." Jeremy: "No." Danny thinks for a minute, then: "He was there?" I figured they would be at this for a while, so I went out and bought some groceries, came back and made some chili, and came back into my living room, to find Danny saying, "He was there?" and the tape in my VCR had run out so I put in a new one and kept watching. Danny says, "How come you knew that and I didn’t know that?" My theory is that Jeremy sometimes pauses when he speaks and is able to discuss subjects other than himself. Danny says he will go talk to Isaac. Before he does, though, he says "you’re telling me he was there, Branca pitch, Thomson swung, crack, ‘the Giants win the pennant! the Giants win the pennant!’ he was there?" and all Jeremy says is yes, instead of "yes, goddammit!" Jeremy has the calm of Buddha, if you ask me.
You know, this show is only half-an-hour. To move things along more quickly, might I suggest the characters once in a while take a statement at face value instead of spending 45 minutes incredulously repeating what the other character has just told them?
Danny goes into Isaac’s office and says he has a problem, and Isaac’s face lights up when Danny brings up the game, and Danny is miffed that Isaac told Jeremy but not Danny even though Danny thought they had a special bond. Isaac says they do, but Danny says it doesn’t feel like it and that it’s "not special when you have it with other people too," and instead of saying, "Stuff it, you big crybaby," Isaac asks, "Why did you come in here?" Danny says he wants to do a piece on the game. Isaac gives him the "49th anniversary?" thing, and Danny repeats his "breakin’ the law! breakin’ the law!" line about "there’s a law it’s got to come in fives and tens, what?" only I notice that when he’s face-to-face with Isaac he isn’t throwing around his "I don’t need Isaac’s permission" or "I make my own laws" nonsense. Isaac covered the game, Danny wants to put him on camera to talk about it, Isaac says no. "Why not?" says Danny. "Because I said so," says Isaac, leaning back in his chair. He wants to know what the occasion is. "It’s probably one of the greatest games ever played, and spring is coming, that’s the occasion," says Danny. Oh, well, if spring is coming, I think, looking out my window at the mid-January snowdrifts. Spring. Right in the middle of hockey and basketball season; right in the middle of the NFL playoffs; a basketball player dead after drag racing; a pitcher making disparaging comments about immigrants, Asians, homosexuals and single mothers; a football player on trial for murdering his wife; what better time could there possibly be for a story on a 48.3-year-old game? As if CSC hasn’t already shown Thomson’s home run over and over again as part of endless end-of-1999 "best of the millennium" retrospectives and filler. Isaac gives Danny the go-ahead to do the feature, but he won’t go on camera and even has to say "because I said so" again. Danny says he isn’t feeling "that special bond." Isaac says "life is like that" and then calls Danny "homey" and goes back to work, ending the conversation. Finally. Danny pouts off.
In the control room, Dana is lecturing the crew about the meaning of "momentarily," how it doesn’t mean "in a moment" but "for a moment." She’s wrong, though, because the "in a moment" usage is acceptable, but mainly used in North America. Meanwhile, everyone else is trying to get real work done and I’m pretty sure Dana’s condescension would be incredibly aggravating more than "momentarily." I don’t understand this bit -- did I miss an episode wherein Sports Night received many complaints over a misuse of "momentarily" or something? What with sports broadcasters and athletes in general being known for their incredible command of the English language and everything. I would like to say, though, that sometimes the Language Manglers add to the game’s appeal, and here I’m thinking of guys like Yogi Berra and Casey Stengel, and I also don’t necessarily mind when jocks-turned-broadcasters assault the ear with such creations as "transitioning" and "formationing." If I want perfect grammar, I’m not turning on a football game. Unless Dana would rather lecture on the proper usage of "booyah" she should consider shutting up momentarily. But she doesn’t, saying, "That makes me crazy." Jeremy says, "We’ve been wondering what the source was." Heh. Dana repeats the definition of "momentarily" again, which is two times too many already, if you ask me. Dana says "on the plane, when they say ‘we’ll be landing momentarily,’ I call over a flight attendant and say, ‘if we land momentarily, it won’t give the passengers enough time to get off the plane.’" She’s gesturing with her pen and the technicians are looking at each other. If I were a stewardess (or a steward or a male nurse or whatever the hell they’re called) and I were confronted with Dana’s All-Powerful Know-It-All-ness, I would likely remind her that her seat should be in the upright position, her tray-table returned to the seat in front of her and the large metal rod should have been stored in the overhead container and not up her ass. Jeremy says, "Once safely inside the airport, how long do they usually detain you for questioning?" Heh. Jeremy is on fire! Dana says, "Well, they know me by now," which deserves a "heh" as well, so this little scene ends not as annoyingly as it could have.
Natalie comes in and asks for a word, and Dana tells the crew that she’ll "only be gone momentarily" and then goes to great lengths to point out her correct usage of the word as if this routine hadn’t already gotten old three hours ago. Mercifully, Natalie drags her away into the Walking While Talking Scene Transition. Natalie tries to tell Dana something, but it’s too late because Dana now goes off on the proper usage of "hopefully" which means "full of hope" or "with hope in one’s heart," and I grudgingly admit she’s right on that one. Natalie ignores her (thank God) and says, "Do you remember my girlfriend Katie?" and Dana says, "No," and Natalie says, "I have a girlfriend named Katie," like could we please PICK UP THE DAMN PACE here? ["Seriously. Who wrote this episode, Samuel Beckett?" -- Sars] Natalie says "Katie works downstairs [and here she helpfully points downward] with a woman named Rita." Dana is nodding. Natalie says, "And Rita has a friend named Turtleneck." Dana says, "Bring it around to me." Natalie says, "Turtleneck went out with Pixley last night," as they finally arrive in Dana’s office, and Dana says, "Casey’s date #1?" Natalie continues, "Here’s why it’s news. Casey was there," and Dana says, "Where?" You know, I’ve seen kids huffing glue who still have stronger cognitive faculties than the Sports Night bunch. "On Pixley and Turtleneck’s date last night," says Natalie. Dana says, "I thought Casey was on his own date last night," with the best not-that-I-care-or-anything vibe she can muster. Natalie explains that he was, but at the same place as Pixley and Turtleneck. I point out again that we never actually saw Casey’s so-called date. Dana asks, "By coincidence?" and Dana gets major points from me for not saying "by coinkydink?" Natalie tries to tell her more, but Dana interrupts and asks Natalie not to talk her out of the Dating Plan because she really "put a lot of thought into it." So then US Natalie says that "he wrote his number down on her hand," and Dana Hiroshima says, "Wow." The sad pseudo-bluesy guitar starts up. "He wrote his number down on her hand?" "Yes," Natalie nods sympathetically. "The Dating Plan sucks," says Dana. Yes, it does, Dana. You know what else sucks? Scenes lifted from Strunk and White’s Elements of Style. I can’t wait to see what’s in store for us when we come back from commercials -- a dissertation on split infinitives?
As we come back from commercials, we hear Russ Hodges’s call of the Giants-Dodgers game, and then we see Danny watching it on tape and I do confess that I get goosebumps at "the Giants win the pennant! the Giants win the pennant!" even though I’ve seen it many, many times before and the game happened twenty-four years before I was born. Here’s the thing, though -- Danny is watching and taking notes, like maybe he has to write down "Giants win pennant" or something? Jeremy comes in. Danny tells Jeremy that he spoke to Isaac and confirmed that Isaac was at the game (Jeremy must feel real vindicated, Dan-o), and that "he also confirmed that him and I have a bond that far exceeds his and yours," which is not how I remember it, but Jeremy accepts this with his typical good humour. Maybe we could get Dana in here to help Danny with the proper usage of "him" and "he." Danny says "he saw it" and we are treated to a freeze frame of the game for five minutes while Danny recreates everything Isaac saw, but says that Isaac won’t go on camera. Jeremy says he’s not surprised, and Danny says, "You’re not?" and remarks that Isaac "loves to go on camera" and Jeremy gives him a pointed "Dan" and Danny says, "Ohhh, the stroke." Danny gets up and says, "He’s just wrong, he’s just flat-out wrong" and Jeremy tells Dan to "leave it" and Danny decides to "make him see how wrong he is" and Jeremy says, "You going to treat the subject with sensitivity?" Yeah, probably, Jeremy. This is Danny we’re talking about, after all. At least Danny admits he won’t. Not that that’s going to stop him, of course.
Isaac’s office; Isaac is on the phone. Danny comes in and says, "You’re an idiot." Thank God, Danny’s going to get fired. Or he would if in real life he called his boss an idiot. Isaac says (into the phone) "hang on" and (to Danny) "excuse me?" Danny says, "The reason you won’t go on film with your Bobby Thomson story is you’re self-conscious about the way you look and sound since the stroke." Well, Danny was accurate about not being sensitive, anyway. Isaac asks, not angrily, "Is there something wrong with the way I look and sound since the stroke?" and Danny says, "Nope." Isaac gets back on the phone and says, "Honey, Danny thinks there’s something wrong with the way I look and talk since the stroke," instead of, "Honey, I have to go fire this little white boy’s ass," and Danny protests, and Isaac continues, "I thought I was looking pretty good too, but Dan doesn’t think so," and now Danny back-stabbingly blames Jeremy, and Isaac says, "I’ll talk to you later," and hangs up the phone. Danny says, "You won’t tell your story." Isaac: "No." Dan: "We still have a special bond?" Isaac: "Yes." And they do the hitting-fists handshake thing and Danny slinks out of Isaac’s office.
Casey’s at his desk typing and Dana stalks into the doorway and says, "Well well well well well," like maybe she forgot her line and Casey looks up and says, "Yep?" and Dana says, "Nuttin’." Nice enunciation, Grammar Queen. Casey says "okay" and goes back to his typing. Dana stalks over, staring at Casey the whole time, and sits on his desk. Then she says "boy oh boy oh boy" and Casey says "okay" but this time with a "something’s going on here" inflection. "You know how small a world it is?" asks Dana. "Nope," says Casey, not even looking at her, which might be rude, but he IS trying to work, after all. "Natalie, who has a friend who works with a girl named Rita, who knows a girl named Katie, who knows a man named Turtleneck is how small the world is," says Dana, totally messing up the degrees of separation. Casey gives up hope of getting any work done with Dana the Time Vacuum around, turns to face her, and says, "How can I help you?" Dana says "Turtleneck, who is a fan of yours and therefore slightly troubled [heh] was bragging that you signed his date’s hand [Casey nodding]. He, for some reason, is just too dumb to realize why you’d written your phone number as well." Casey sees where this is going and cuts Dana off at the knees thusly: "You know what?" he asks. "What?" says Dana. "The Dating Plan was your idea." Dana: "Yes it was." Casey: "So, I’m just saying." After a couple of hours, Dana puts on a brave face and says, "Have a good show," and walks off, suitably vanquished, poignant music playing.
Showtime! The hairdresser is giggling while she works on Danny’s hair and pretending to be a real member of the cast. Jeremy walks over and drops off some script. Danny opines that it’s very mysterious that Isaac doesn’t want to talk about the most famous home run of all time, that something about it seems to make him uncomfortable. Jeremy suggests that Danny keep "prodding him about it until he beats you with his cane and then fires you." Danny appears to consider this. Casey comes along and a couple of "good show"s are exchanged. Jeremy heads back into the control room where Natalie for some reason is reading from a dictionary the definition of "momentarily," which states that it means BOTH "for a moment" and "in a moment." Booyah! Dana comes in and Natalie tells her she was wrong about "momentarily." Show some compassion, Natalie, her world is Falling Apart, as evidenced by her glassy-eyed stare. Natalie asks if she’s okay and Dana says, "Yeah."
Back at the desk, Casey says, "Listen." Danny groans. "What?" says Casey. Dan says he’s known all day long that Casey wants to tell him something. Guess they cut that scene. Casey says, "You remember Pixley?" and it would have been funny if Danny said, "Pixley who?" But he didn’t. Danny says, "Date #1." "Yes." "You saw her last night." "Yeah." "You gave her your number." "Yes." "Can’t stop thinking about her and you want to call her." "Yes." "But you feel guilty about it because it’s an emotional abandonment of Dana," and Casey denies it’s an abandonment. Danny says he wants to be left out of it because he likes Dana and he knows how this is going to turn out, which Casey scoffs at as well. Casey explains he’s just having these feelings but it doesn’t mean he’s going to act on them. Whatever, Casey. You sure handled Dana pretty smoothly a moment ago for someone who isn’t abandoning her, buddy. Danny hands Casey a phone message from Pixley. "She called," says Casey, a little excited and not at all pissed off that Danny waited until just before airtime to give it to him.
So they go live and all they do is tease the top stories of the show with annoying puns like "Bruins get bearish" and "don’t bet on the Rebels" which is a Vegas reference because the Runnin’ Rebels are the UNLV team. Then they throw to commercial and Casey takes out the Pixley message and stares at it and he holds it really close to his face like he forgot his glasses.
Isaac’s office. Dan knocks and enters and Isaac expresses surprise to see him. "Because I’m supposed to be on air?" says Danny. Yeah, says Isaac. Dan has "four minutes and twenty seconds." Isaac ponders the idea of Danny babbling on at him for four minutes and twenty seconds, yet his head doesn’t implode. He says, "Let’s see how long we can hold our breath," which I thought was pretty funny. Danny starts setting the scene of the game with, "It was 3-1 in the bottom of the ninth," and you’d think an obsessive like Danny would know it was 4-1, but Isaac is tired of this and tells him he doesn’t want to talk about it. Danny repeats, "Come on! It was 3-1 in the bottom of the ninth…" and this may have been an intentional mistake because Isaac corrects him: "It was 4-1. It was 4-1 in the bottom of the ninth." Danny shuts up. "The Dodgers’ director of player relations came into the pressbox chewing on a cigar, telling us where we could pick up our credentials for the World Series." Danny sits down, enraptured and says, "Because he didn’t know the Giants were about to stage one of the biggest comebacks…" Yeah, Danny, somehow I don’t think he’d had the chance to listen to the Russ Hodges tape every night for a few years as a kid, but Isaac interrupts him to continue. "That’s right. There was no place to sit in the pressbox, I stood up the whole game. But then when he took Newcombe out, I ran to the men’s room. I knew I had time because Branca was notorious for taking his time on the mound warming up. ‘Cept he didn’t this time." And the sad music starts up and it dawns on Danny why Isaac didn’t want to talk about it. And Isaac admits he never saw the home run. "I was in the men’s room. I was washing my hands. Branca warmed up a lot faster." Danny: "You never saw Thomson’s home run." Good news, Isaac! Danny’s got it on tape in the production room! Danny says, "You were at the game." Isaac says, "I was washing my hands." "Never wash your hands!" says Danny. Yeah, that’s great, Dan. "If only you’d been my mother," says Isaac and Danny repeats "you didn’t see the home run" and "you were washing your hands" about 50 times. Then he asks Isaac if he was "bummed" and Isaac says he was, for a while, "but then you get older and it just shows all the other things in your life that happened while you were looking the other way." Danny, suitably chastened, pauses and says, "Did you see your daughter get born?" "Yeah," says Isaac. "Did you see her graduate college?" asks Danny. "Yeah," says Isaac. "You watching Sports Night tonight?" and I think someone has an inflated sense of his show’s importance but Isaac says, "Yeah." Danny says, "Then shut up," and Isaac laughs. Danny and Isaac smile at each other (special bond) and Danny leaves to get back to the show.
Back in the control room, Natalie is still reading definitions from the dictionary. I thought Dana’s "momentarily" bits were pretty weak, but I feel even more sorry for Natalie’s role this episode. Big Man Jeremy confiscates the dictionary. As Natalie hands it over -- rather submissively, I thought -- she notices Dana staring sadly at Casey.
Later, in Dana’s office, Natalie comes in and says she’s leaving and tries to get Dana to go out for a drink with her and Jeremy. Dana declines and flounces out of there. Nice half-assed depression intervention, Natalie. Danny comes in and rudely without permission starts playing darts and telling her about Isaac being at the game but missing the home run because he was in the men’s room washing his hands. Dana says that’s pretty funny if you think about it. Danny says, "Yeah, because at the end of the day it’s just a baseball game," and I’m willing to bet that’s not the line Mr. Obsessive had been planning to end his 48.3rd anniversary tribute with. Dana says, "How is it not funny?" Danny says out of left field, "It was an idiotic Dating Plan, Dana, what did you think was going to happen?" Whoa! Dana tiredly says, "Hey, Dan," but Danny flattens her with "getting to meet all those women, that was going to happen. But the one that he wanted was you anyway." Dana’s crest falls at "wanted" (past tense), but Danny isn’t through with her yet, going on to say, "All this is doing is making him feel a lot less like the man he is," like maybe now Casey is the Face of Erectile Dysfunction, "which is why he left Lisa in the first place. I know what he wants and I gotta say he’s done a pretty good job of going after it, which is not the most natural thing in the world for Casey to do." Dana’s staring at him like a morose deer in the headlights. "And I know what you want," he continues. "And all I’ve seen you do is hide behind this psychotic behaviour all dressed up as cute. He wanted you and he told you every possible way he could. You’ve just been hanging out in the men’s room." This bit was actually pretty sad so I shouldn’t make any jokes about how if Dana was hanging out in the men’s room she might get a little more action. Danny leaves and Dana thinks about how pathetic she must be if DANNY is the one calling her behaviour "psychotic all dressed up as cute."
The bar. Dana walks in, looking around. POV shot of her looking through the crowd. Blues music playing; a woman starts belting out "it hurts, it hurts, it hurts so bad..." Nothing like subtlety in a soundtrack, but I didn’t notice at first since I started having chest pains, because all of a sudden I thought this was Ally McBeal with that Vonda Something yammering out a song to illustrate a theme. Dana checks with the bartender and finds out she just missed Casey, he was there with Pixley, they left together. Singer: "You were a fool to let Casey, let Casey go." She really says "him" instead of "Casey," but we know what she’s really singing about here. "Oh how I miss you," the singer wails as we fade out.
week, Dana and Casey’s future comes down to a single defining moment. Whoopee! Let me add my voice to the Sports Night fans who wish the show were an hour long, if only so we could resolve this nothing-to-do-with-sports storyline in half as many episodes. And we’re out.